Chapter Text
“You okay, kid?”
“Yeah.” Shinsou accepted Aizawa’s offered hand, allowing himself to be hauled off the dirty concrete floor. He was already internally kicking himself over allowing some common criminal to get the jump on him, bracing himself for his mentor’s criticism.
Aizawa seemed more preoccupied with making sure he wasn’t injured, looking his student over with a trained eye. “Any pain?”
“Just bruised my ass,” he said, trying not to bristle at getting the standard rundown. “I’ll live.”
“Do you know your name and where you are?”
“I’m Shinsou Hitoshi and I’m standing in a warehouse in the harbor district. We just took down a small time gang. Three members, probably dealing in stolen goods.”
“Good. Track my finger.”
Shinsou dutifully followed Aizawa’s finger with his eyes. He’d had enough concussions to know that he didn’t have one now, but arguing with Aizawa over this would get him nowhere and prolong his embarrassment. He did have a splitting headache, but that had been the case since the beginning of the patrol, owing to the fact that Shinsou had maybe two hours of sleep the night before.
The obnoxious sirens that announced the arrival of police backup certainly weren’t helping with that. A tired, middle-aged police officer filed into the warehouse. “Evening, Eraser,” she said. “These the criminals you took into custody?”
“Yes, these three,” he said, gesturing to the two brainwashed men, standing by at blank attention, and the woman on the floor wrapped in Aizawa’s capture scarf, the one who’d gotten the jump on Shinsou. “I’ll be with you in a minute, I need to speak to my student.”
“Of course,” she said, turning from Aizawa to direct the other officers entering the building.
“Did anything else happen?” said Aizawa. “How did you end up on the ground?”
“She grabbed me,” Shinsou explained, “and I just felt dizzy all of a sudden. Think that was her quirk?”
“Could be. Have you noticed anything else unusual?”
Shinsou did a quick mental inventory. He was dead tired and sore from exertion, but that was very normal after a night of patrolling. “Not really.”
“This is important, Shinsou,” said Aizawa. “If you notice anything strange, anything at all, you need to come to me right away. Unknown quirks aren’t something you want to screw around with, especially if it has some kind of delayed or triggered reaction.”
“I know,” he said stubbornly. “If I get hit with a quirk effect, I’ll tell you. Or Midoriya. He’d be thrilled to get to study some weird quirk.”
A smile threatened the corners of Aizawa’s mouth. “You’re not wrong about that. But you should still tell a responsible adult. And don’t give me that face.”
“What face?” Shinsou asked with false innocence.
“The are-you-actually-a-responsible-adult face. Kid, when you get to my age you’ll learn to revise your definition of responsible.”
By the time the two had dealt with the police and their paperwork, it was nearing midnight, and Shinsou was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate on anything but going home. He had almost forgotten that he still had a lecture coming to him.
“You did well to get an initial opening with your quirk,” said Aizawa as they walked back to UA, their faces illuminated by the orange glow of streetlights. “You were able to subdue two of the combatants rapidly.”
“Thanks,” said Shinsou, hearing the “but” in his mentor’s words and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Where do you think you went wrong with the third? How was she able to ambush you?”
Shinsou scowled. “I got distracted. Sorry.”
“I’m not looking for an apology, kid.” Aizawa’s sharp gaze felt like it was boring straight into Shinsou’s soul. “I’m looking for you to honestly analyze where you went wrong so that you do better next time.”
“Yes, Sensei,” said Shinsou, rubbing at his eyes and trying to gather his thoughts. For all of his impatience, he still admired Aizawa more than any other teacher he’d met, and dreaded the inevitability of being a disappointment. “I made the assumption that there were only two criminals, and I let my guard down before doing a thorough sweep of the premises,” he said, hoping the partially honest answer would satisfy Aizawa. “I… wasn’t totally focused on what we were doing, and I made a mistake. I won’t do that next time.”
“Hm.” Aizawa’s vague answer and the long pause before he said anything else made the anxious knot in Shinsou’s stomach grow to a nearly unbearable level of tension. “Losing focus is a common problem, even among pro heroes,” he said, finally. “It’s a natural consequence of a high stress job with long hours. There are exercises we can work into your lessons that will help with keeping focused.” He flashed his ID at the gate guard as the two entered the darkened UA campus. “Does that seem like a rational approach?”
“Yes, Sensei,” Shinsou agreed, not used to having someone whose immediate response to Shinsou’s failings wasn’t to berate him for not trying. It almost made him want to open up to Aizawa about the trouble he’d been having sleeping lately, the racing thoughts keeping him up at night and suppressing his higher brain functions during the day. Still, he thought better of it. He knew that sleepless nights were a part of hero work, and he didn’t want Aizawa to think he couldn’t handle it.
Besides, what was there to say? He just needed to get his useless brain to shut up long enough to let him get a few hours of rest. He generally managed to pass out when he finally got tired enough. Between the day’s schoolwork, hero training exercises, and patrolling, he was more than worn out enough.
As soon as he reached the sanctuary of his room, he stripped off down to his boxers, leaving his hero costume in a tangled heap on the floor — Iida would throw a fit if he saw it — rolled himself in his weighted blanket, and shut his heavy eyes, welcoming the sweet oblivion of sleep.
No sooner did he drift off than he violently jerked back awake, his brain panicking at some imagined anxiety that he couldn’t even fully grasp.
From there, he was graced with an endless parade of all of his embarrassments and regrets, from tonight’s mistake on patrol to not training harder before the entrance exam to being taunted in the playground as a little kid.
And, of course, there was his other problem, the one he could barely admit even to himself: his massive, unrequited crush on Midoriya.
It wasn’t something he had intended. Far from it. It was Midoriya who insisted that they train together regularly, who went out of his way to eat with him at lunch, who was unfailingly supportive of his interests, hopes, and dreams. The first time Shinsou’s imagination had supplied him with an unnecessarily vivid daydream of Midoriya pinning him down and kissing him during a sparring match, he’d wanted to burn it from his brain forever.
But it hadn’t stopped, no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. It’d only gotten worse from there.
He hated it. Hated that he finally had a genuine friend, and he couldn’t just leave it at that. Hated that he felt twisted and bitter and gross over feelings he didn’t even want.
He was pretty sure that half the class had similar crushes on Midoriya, and that only made it worse. If you could have practically anyone, why the fuck would you pick the human dumpster fire that was Shinsou Hitoshi?
Despite his exhaustion, sleep didn’t come easily to him. Sleep didn’t come at all.
“Morning, Shinsou!”
Right on cue, Shinsou’s problem was staring him right in the face, his smile painfully bright. Shinsou would have absolutely despised him if he weren’t so fucking cute.
He’d rather die than ever admit that to Midoriya.
“Hey, Midoriya,” he said, nursing both his coffee and his headache. A second night with no sleep wasn’t doing his mood any favors, but he’d do his best to hide that around Midoriya.
Not well enough, apparently. “Are you okay? You seem tired.”
“…Do I ever seem not tired?”
“True.” Midoriya laughed. “More tired than usual.”
“I guess so,” he admitted. “Stress. Lack of sleep. Existential crisis at 3am. The usual. You know.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said.
Shinsou had gotten to know Midoriya well enough to realize that he actually did understand. At first he’d made the poor assumption that Midoriya was a golden child, all of his outward confidence completely genuine. It took him a while to realize how much Midoriya was quietly being crushed by the weight of the world.
Some part of him wished there were something he could do to help, as though he didn’t suffer from a similar problem.
“We’re sparring after school, right?” he said. “Because it’s Thursday.” Their regular training sessions were at least something Shinsou could routinely look forward to.
“Uh, Shinsou, it’s Wednesday.”
“Fuck,” he said, rubbing at his itchy eyes. “Yeah, yeah it is.” It was just as well, really. Trying to fight 2-A’s best while he was this out of it was probably not a good idea.
"I'd actually totally be up for training with you later, but I already told Todoroki I’d help him with a new move,” he said apologetically. “Oh, right, I remembered what I wanted to talk to you about!” He rummaged around in his bag, producing a small book. “I finished the manga you lent me.”
“Oh, did you like it?”
“Yeah, it was so cool!” Midoriya’s eyes were shining. “I love all the different computer hacking quirks they have on the team, and how they all work together. That’s a really neat concept. My favorite character was the android, though.”
“Mine too!” Shinsou could feel himself being infected by Midoriya’s enthusiasm, his spirits lifted by the fact that Midoriya liked his recommendation. “The way he’s fighting to be given equal rights is really interesting. It makes me think about where you’d draw the line to define what counts as a human mind.”
“Yeah! He has the intelligence of a human, so it seems obvious that he should be treated equally.” Midoriya was really getting into the conversation now. “But then what happens if someone copies the AI? Or changes its coding? Do they count as a different person?”
As usual, Shinsou’s quirk hummed in the back of his mind as Midoriya responded to him, seeking out the human connection, coaxing Shinsou to pull the threads and wrap his mind around Midoriya. He hadn’t had trouble controlling himself since grade school, but it did annoy him that his quirk seemed to like Midoriya as much as he did.
“You’re gonna love the third volume,” he said, shoving his irritating quirk aside. “There’s a virus infecting the android characters and causing them to —“
“What are you guys talking about?” Todoroki jogged up next to them.
“Android rights!” said Midoriya.
“Uh. Okay,” said Todoroki, clearly not understanding but also not wanting to ask further. “Midoriya, are we on for sparring later?”
“Definitely.”
Shinsou’s decent mood was immediately smashed into the dirt by the pang of jealousy he felt, then further crushed by his guilt over feeling jealousy at all. Midoriya was fully allowed to have friends and do things with people other than him, and he’d be a real piece of shit to act otherwise.
He didn’t like the reminder that there was nothing special at all about how Midoriya treated Shinsou. He was friends with everyone.
As though he could ever compete with Todoroki Shouto.
“Hey, Toshi?” Tsu was tugging at his uniform sleeve, bringing him back to reality. “Class is this way.”
Lost in his thoughts, Shinsou hadn’t been paying the slightest attention to where he was going, walking on autopilot towards the gym instead of homeroom. “Right,” he said, trying to clear out some of his brain fog. “Thanks.”
“Distracted by Deku again, kero~?” she teased gently. She clearly knew about Shinsou’s hopeless crush, and Shinsou knew she knew, but neither had explicitly said anything. It kept plausible deniability intact. “Actually, you don’t look so good. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” said Shinsou. He must really look like hell, and now he was going to have to endure an entire day of his classmates asking about it. On the one hand, it was kind of nice that some of them actually seemed to care about his wellbeing. On the other hand, he was in no mood to suffer another lecture on sleep hygiene from Iida.
“You don’t seem fine,” said Tsu. “You kind of look like you’re about to keel over. You know, Iida’s going to say —“
“Fuck. Look, I’m fine, really, I just haven’t slept much. If you help distract Iida from me, I promise to actually try to go to bed at a decent hour.”
“What counts as a decent hour?”
“I don’t know. 2am?”
Tsu glared. “Seriously, Toshi?”
“Fine. Midnight. Happy?”
“I’ll see what I can do, kero~,” she said.
The words slid out of Shinsou’s brain, unread and uncomprehended, no matter how many times he tried to process his history homework.
He’d decided to spend some time after school studying in the library, in the hopes that he’d have better focus than he would in the noisy dorms. It wasn’t a bad idea on paper, but unfortunately, the quiet of the library was doing little to help with his growing sleep deprivation. It seemed like he’d be reading about some ancient battle one moment, and the next he’d find himself facedown in his book, drool staining the pages.
It’d be one thing if he could actually get a decent nap, but infuriatingly, he still only seemed capable of dozing off for a few brief moments at a time.
By the time he finally gave up, the sun was beginning to set and his stomach was grumbling for dinner. He trudged back to the dorms, feeling as though his legs were wading through a thick swamp. An early bedtime was seeming better and better.
That was when he spotted Midoriya. He was sitting under an expansive oak tree, knees curled into his chest, a soft breeze rustling his hair. He didn’t look sad or upset, exactly, but he didn’t look happy either.
Shinsou shouldn’t bother him. But there was plenty of room under the tree, and the idea of a quiet conversation with Midoriya was more appealing than he’d like to admit.
“Hey,” he said, as Midoriya looked up. “This tree taken?”
Midoriya looked so genuinely happy to see him. It still wasn’t something Shinsou was used to.
“Go right on ahead,” he said, patting the grass next to him. “How are you? Still tired?”
“Yeah,” he said, settling down with his back against the tree trunk, welcoming the respite. “Nothing a good night’s sleep can’t fix. Which probably means I’m screwed.” He couldn’t keep the nerves entirely out of his laugh. “How about you? You have fun letting Todoroki roast you?”
“Mm.” Midoriya was being weirdly subdued for someone who normally couldn’t stop gushing about sparring sessions with his classmates. “He has some interesting new ideas for moves, but nothing that’s really panning out yet.”
“…You okay?”
“Just having a moment,” he said, hugging his knees.
“Yeah, I get it.” There was that inconvenient urge to help again. “If you feel like having that moment at me for some reason, I’m pretty comfortable against this tree. Not really planning on going anywhere.”
“Well, okay,” said Midoriya, the tone of his voice speaking to how much he appreciated it. “Sparring with Todoroki always makes me realize how far I still have to go.”
“Yeah?”
“I can win against him, but that’s only because I understand his quirk inside and out by now. I also know he’s holding back so that he doesn’t seriously hurt me. If I met a real villain who was that powerful… what if I couldn’t win? What if I couldn’t save everyone? What if —“
“Midoriya, breathe.”
“Sorry! I know what you’re probably thinking. If I’m worried about that kind of thing, I just need to get better.”
Shinsou was just drunk enough off of lack of sleep to attempt sincerity. “No, I wasn’t thinking that.”
“Really?”
“Nah. You work harder than anyone else here. If I told you to just get better, where would that leave the rest of us?” Shinsou leaned up against the tree. “You know what my options are against a Todoroki-level threat? I could try taunting him until he takes the bait. I could try fighting a guy who can shoot fire with a scarf. I don’t really like my odds.”
“I guess that’s true, yeah. You could have backup.”
“Can I have you for backup?” said Shinsou without thinking.
“You would pick me?” said Midoriya, entirely too excited about the prospect.
“Believe me, if I’m ever facing some extinction-level event, you’re the first hero I’m texting. If there’s anyone who can do it, it’s you.”
Midoriya mercilessly turned his smile on Shinsou full blast. “You really think that?”
Fuck, that had been way too much sincerity, but there was no backing down now. “Yeah, I really do.”
“What if I’m having an off day?”
“I feel like an off day for you involves only taking down three top-ranked villains instead of five villains and an organized crime ring.”
“Are you being serious or sarcastic right now?”
Shinsou rubbed his eyes. “That was one hundred percent serious. I think I might actually be too tired for sarcasm.”
“Wow, you really do need a good night’s sleep.” Midoriya looked genuinely concerned. “I guess I didn’t realize you trusted me that much. I’d be happy to be backup for you.”
“I… yeah.” He had absolutely lost control of this conversation. He hadn’t fully realized himself how much he’d trust Midoriya with his life. “Thanks.”
“So what if I see some villains that really need to be brainwashed? Can I call you? I’ll even get you a can of coffee.”
“You think I work for just a can of coffee?”said Shinsou with mock offense. “I’m going to work up an appetite. At least buy me a bowl of ramen too.”
“A bowl of ramen and a can of coffee. It’s a deal!” Midoriya laughed.
Shinsou was fairly certain he’d actually helped Midoriya feel better, and he couldn’t help but be a little proud of that. The pair sat in silence for a bit as the sun slowly dipped below the treeline. It was nice to get to spend a quiet moment like this, not training or studying or eating lunch or talking about TV and manga. Just sitting and thinking in the warm sun and the cool breeze.
He was calm, for once, and it was allowing his need to sleep to overtake his mind once again. He let his tired eyes fall shut, just to rest them, and within seconds he was drifting into a dream. His thoughts of training with Midoriya dissolved into a scenario where Midoriya was holding him in his deceptively strong arms, and how good that could possibly feel. He’d never been held like that by anyone. People weren’t exactly lining up around the block to cuddle the weird guy with the scary quirk.
Just as he started to doze, he realized that his head was resting on something particularly soft and comfortable. He opened his eyes, confused, and then realized that he had slumped over onto Midoriya’s shoulder, his head cushioned by Midoriya’s fluffy hair. Mortified, he jerked backwards, hitting his head against the tree and causing bits of bark to shower onto his head.
“Are you okay?” Midoriya asked.
“I’m fine,” he said, more embarrassed than actually harmed. “Sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it!” Midoriya didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. “I thought I’d let you get some sleep. You definitely need it.”
“Yeah, I can’t argue with that. My insomnia’s been worse than usual,” he admitted. “It’s like every time I think I can go to sleep, I just. Don’t.”
“That doesn’t seem right. Have you tried going to Recovery Girl?”
“No, I don’t need Recovery Girl. It’s just stress and anxiety like always,” he said, frustrated with himself.
Midoriya leaned in. He was so close to Shinsou. “You don’t have to say if you don’t want to, but… what’s making you so anxious?”
This. This was what was making him anxious.
“Training,” he lied. “I screwed up on patrol with Aizawa last night and —“
“Midoriya! Shinsou!” boomed Iida’s voice from across the clearing, aggravating Shinsou’s headache. “Anyone up for an evening run? Work up a healthy appetite before dinner?”
God damn it. Tsu, reliable friend that she was, had actually managed to distract Iida at lunch like she’d said, but there was no escaping this.
“Sure, I’ll run with you!” said Midoriya, hopping to his feet, his bottomless well of energy overflowing once more.
“Fantastic! Shinsou?”
“No, I can’t, I have a…” The worst part about being this sleep deprived was when his brain suddenly ceased to function. “A thing. To do.”
“A thing?” Iida cocked one eyebrow. “Are you…?”
“It’s a gala charity ball, actually,” he said, the ridiculous words pouring from his mouth before he could stop them. “And I have to go do my hair and iron my ball gown and pick out matching shoes. You know how it is.” He laughed, finding this all way more amusing than it probably warranted.
“What on earth are you talking about?” Iida was staring him right in the face. “Are you okay? You look like you’re about to pass out.”
“I get that a lot. Must have that kind of face.”
“Have you been getting sufficient sleep?” said Iida, hand chopping through the air as he shifted into full-on lecture mode. “Have you read those sleep hygiene pamphlets I printed for you? Are you limiting your screen time before bed? Are —“
“Hey, Iida.” Midoriya tugged on his arm. “I think Shinsou knows all that. He’s just had a lot on his mind. And he was just saying he was going to go to bed early tonight to catch up on sleep.”
Shinsou had said no such thing to Midoriya, but he wasn’t about to contradict him, grateful for the save.
“Fair enough,” said Iida. “Get a good night’s rest then, Shinsou.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“See you later!” Midoriya waved as the two jogged away.
Shinsou leaned back up against the tree. Despite Iida’s interruption, he still felt fairly tranquil after his talk with Midoriya. Between that and his overwhelming exhaustion, he’d definitely be able to sleep tonight. Everything was going to be just fine.