Work Text:
INT. BREAKROOM
MAYHEM (suit, tie, bandages, pink headband) sits at a table reading the paper and drinks coffee and chuckles to himself.
THE GEICO SPOKESMAN (GEICO)(suit, tie, eyebrow raise) walks in and sits at the same table and they exchange pleasantries.
FLO (we have the costume somewhere) walks in, humming to herself, and starts to make coffee in the most perky way possible. MAYHEM and GEICO watch her with great interest and turn to each other.
GEICO
I'd save her 15% or more, if you know what I mean. Lower her premiums aaaallll the way to the ground.
MAYHEM
I don't think so, man. She needs a guy like me to satisfy her: Dangerous. Smooth. She wants to use all that coverage she's overpaying for. Get her all hot and bothered and put her behind the wheel. Tell her to drive us home as fast as she can and watch the beautiful chaos unfold.
GEICO
Oh, yeah, Mr. "I'm a teenage girl?" She wants a REAL man she can feel SAFE with. She wants a 15 minute man, not a disaster like you.
MAYHEM
Alright, Geico. It's time to put your 15% where your mouth is. Loser has to take one of those cavemen to this year's Christmas Party.
GEICO
You're on.
FLO is spreading cream cheese on a bagel like she's spreading sunshine and joy on the whole planet.
MAYHEM and GEICO flank her and she turns around, surprised, but still so. Damned. HAPPY.
FLO
Well, HI, boys! What can I do ya for today!
GEICO
Can going to dinner with me really result in the best night of your life?
As he pushes GEICO aside:
MAYHEM
I'm the best date you'll ever have. I'm gonna take you out to dinner at your favorite place and then take you dancing. Then I'm going to kiss you goodnight and it's going to be so amazing that when you drive home, you're going to accidentally hit a mailbox, and if you had that 15 minute car insurance guy over there, it might not pay for the thousands of dollars in damage my lips could cause.
Eyebrow waggle. Nods head.
GEICO What? That didn't even--
MAYHEM and GEICO argue incoherently until FLO pushes them apart.
FLO
BOYS! GOLLY! This is so sweet, but I'm already seeing someone and he's just the BEES KNEES!
GEICO and MAYHEM look at each other and then at her
MAYHEM
(at the same time)
WHO!
GEICO
(at the same time)
WHO!
The GEICO GECKO (characterized by a lizard Dom will be all too happy to catch and voiced by one of the male cast) appears on the table.
GECKO
Morning, gentlemen, my lady.
They all turn to look at the GECKO. FLO beams.
GEICO
(together with MAYHEM)
HIM?
MAYHEM
(together with GEICO)
HIM?
GEICO
What does HE have that we don't?
MAYHEM
Look at HIM! Look at ME!
A FLY buzzes.
Quick cut--one of those slappy sticky hands (stand in for a tongue) darts out from off screen to get the fly.
Close in on: FLO smiles and raises an eyebrow. MAYHEM and GEICO look on in shock.
EXIT: FLO and GECKO
MAYHEM and GEICO look at each other and shrug.
GEICO
Beat.
So. Uh. Dibs on the Nationwide guy?
MAYHEM Oh, you're on.
EXIT: MAYHEM and GEICO
FADE TO BLACK.