Chapter Text
Serge couldn’t bear the thought of what was about to come.
After consoling Randy, desperately insisting that this was no-one’s fault but his own, it had properly hit him that the gorgeous emperor was a statue, never to move again. His unkind words had cost him everything, the chance to be with the man he held such strong feelings for and to watch each other succeed forever. Now he was left to tell everyone that he’d failed twice in his life- there was really no way for him to come back now.
After a while of being in the carem field, he had left Randy with the professors and bid them farewell, promising to explain his actions later. For now, someone much more important needed to know the truth.
Elias.
He’d been by his brother’s side since forever, looking up to him whilst growing into his own person as of late. What was Serge about to do to him, with the knowledge of his brother’s passing? This all could’ve been easily prevented if Serge had learned to keep his big mouth shut. As much as the brothers seemed to bicker, seemed to question each other and push each other to their limits, they were still there for each other at the end of the day and his digs had taken that away from them. No matter how he twisted it or took it apart like an experiment, this was his fault, his problem to fix and his responsibility to face the punishment, whatever it was.
With his heart hammering in his chest, he approached the prefect’s office, where Elias was still waiting with anticipation. By now he was sat in his brother’s chair, using the chance to look at work that he just might be doing one day and fiddling with a pen that was not his own. As he heard Serge enter, he looked up but let his shoulders drop slightly when he found his brother to not be with him.
“Where’s my brother?” Was the first thing out of his mouth until he quietly pondered and spoke up once again, seemingly answering his own question. “I assume you sent him back to the dorms, actually. It is getting late and if he comes back here now, he’ll work until sunrise.” He reasoned logically, as Serge felt his heart sink. Realising just how well these two knew each other made the reality of what he was about to say even more painful.
He took a seat on the sofa, eyeing the young Goldstein and bouncing his leg up and down. “Look, Elias. I…I can’t believe I’m about to say this…” He mumbled as he fiddled, trying to give himself a mental pep talk. “I…I’m glad you’re already sat down.” He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat as he watched Elias’s expression shift, eyeing the papers on his desk with a wobbling lip.
“Serge, what happened to my brother? Is he alright?”
No matter how much his mouth wanted to betray him, he couldn’t let it dry up twice.
“Klaus, he…” Even though he knew how important telling him was, his mind was still trying to comprehend the reality as well. “He…” He continued, trying desperately to say what he needed to. That smile flashed before his eyes - that damned smile - and he did everything he could to not let the tears spill. He’d already had time to grieve that he didn’t deserve. This was for Elias now, the man that needed to know most.
“I killed you brother, Elias. I’m sorry.”
The words fell out of his mouth without much thought, tactless as Klaus would’ve put it, and he watched with pained eyes as a range of emotions painted Elias’s face before it hardened once again. “Elaborate. You helped me look for him, you looked panicked, and you wouldn’t openly confess to murder. Elaborate.” He repeated, his face serious and hanging on Serge’s every word.
Serge didn’t know what to say to that, to the undeniable faith Elias had in him and to his desperation to know more. He’d come this far, there was nowhere to go. “I…I said something horrible to him, and then I was looking for him today to say sorry, and…and…and…” Biting back tears was becoming harder and harder as he swallowed thickly.
“And what, Serge? You wouldn’t kill my brother over some nasty words, much less ones that came out of your own mouth. You can’t have killed my brother, he wouldn’t have let you. If you think this is a joke, Serge Durandal, I don’t find it funny-“ He was about to continue until Serge eagerly butted in.
“He petrified himself. Okay? It was my fault, I made him feel pointless and worthless, and all of those other icky things that everyone figured couldn’t touch him. I broke him, and I watched him die before I even had the chance to do anything. So sure, I didn’t kill him with magic or a weapon or anything, but I killed any confidence and self-worth he had and made him feel useless. So useless that he figured trading places with someone else was a better use of the rest of his days. So I’m sorry.”
At some point, Elias had dropped the pen and let it clatter to the floor. His eyes were pinning Serge down, widened as his hands shook and his breaths grew shallower. “This must be a joke. This is one of your bad jokes, Serge Durandal, or so God help me I will crumble on this office floor.” Serge could only shake his head solemnly as he bit his lip, on the verge of drawing blood. He waited for Elias to do something, for now he was sat staring at the desk before him, watching him swallow tensely as he began to shake. “It’s the truth..?” Was all he could mumble out before he stood up, his eyes fixed on Serge.
As he stood Serge did, the prefect expected him to grip him and shake him by the shoulders for being so careless just as his brother did six years before. At least that’s what Serge thought until he felt the young Goldstein fell into his arms with quiet sobs.
“I don’t have the energy to hate you right now,” He mumbled through the tears, as if he knew what the other man had been thinking, “And I’m not sure if I ever will. My brother doesn’t…he doesn’t just succumb to a few mean words like that! Whatever you said must’ve just confirmed something in his own head, and now…” He fell silent as he let his shaky voice rest in favour of him crying. “Did you talk about Randy? Was that it? That’s the only thing that would push him so far…so far as to…But he promised he wouldn’t! He would never…” He continued to cling to Serge’s uniform as he sobbed, seeing a mirror of himself only hours earlier.
But when had Klaus talked to Elias about depetrification methods? Whatever, that didn’t matter right now. What mattered is that Serge had exploited his only weakness and had used it to kill him.
“Yeah…yeah I did…I was angry, I was dumb, and I intended to apologise, I swear! I’m so sorry Elias, this is all my fault…” But even then, as he said that, he felt the tears began to roll down his face. He hugged Elias closer, trying to bring as much relief as hugging your brother’s killer could, and tried to use this opportunity to let it all out before he was forced to have his due punishment. He felt the last few hours really hit him hard and just let Elias grip onto him and grieve, the same way he knew he shouldn’t be doing.
“As much as we argued, he was everything to me…Sometimes things were bitter, or awkward and sometimes he did say some awful things. But he was learning from it, and we were finally starting to get along! Why would he do this…? Why lie to me, like rumours don’t go around enough?” He sobbed loudly, continuing to grasp onto Serge. “Why would you even say that…? You knew how delicate the situation was, even I knew that and he never…he never even really spoke to me about it! I had to infer things from quiet whispers when I should’ve been asleep! I don’t know what you said. I…I don’t even think I want to know, not yet. Like I said, I…I can’t bring myself to hate you. What my brother did can’t be the result of a few nasty and thoughtless words. But I will hold contempt just…just as he did. Someday I shall find it within myself to forgive you. But that day cannot be today.”
Remaining silent, Serge could only nod at the remark as he continued to hold Elias, his own tears spilling when he knew he didn’t have the right to be relieved of his pain. Why Klaus had done what he did would now forever be unclear, but all his fellow prefect could do was let his heart sink at the reminder of that beautiful smile, a painful reminder of what he had lost and could never have. His hand clenched into a tighter fist as he remembered that cold, stone hand in his own and how, if he had just kept quiet, it probably could’ve been a much warmer one somewhere down the line. He didn’t deserve this, the chance to let out his sorrows, but his mind and body took it regardless.
Selfish of him, just as always.
This was about Klaus’s brother, his family, more than him. Yet he kept forgetting that, as he held the sobbing man in his arms with a somber expression. Consistently he was reminded that he caused this, this was his fault and he’d torn everyone apart because of his reckless actions. If his brother didn’t forgive him, he didn’t expect the rest of the Goldstein family to be any kinder. There was Sigurd to think about, who had seen his cousin shift after an event he had also been at fault for. There was also the professors, who had lost one of their best students to what he proclaimed was certainly their worst.
“Why would you…” Elias spoke, dragging Serge out of his internal speech of self-depreciation, “Why would you even say something awful to…to someone you claim to care so deeply about? I can tell you feel guilty, as frustrated as I am, I am not here to undermine your grief. I just want to…to understand…why you’d even say something so awful, knowing full well it could have dangerous consequences! If you care so much, like your attitude tells me, why even take the risk?” He choked out between cries as he continued to hold his brother’s friend.
Serge held that extra grief that ‘friend’ could’ve been so much more.
“I…I was being so ridiculous, so petty…! I…I wanted him to talk to me, that was the first thing. I-I just wanted to break the ice! Then he turned on me, things got more heated and before I knew it we were being bitter and I said something I regret…He meant so much to me, and some silly little words have cost me everything! This…This isn’t even about me, you know? But I just hate to think of what we could’ve been. We just got onto that train of thought and I…I…” A fresh set of tears rolled down his face as he felt his own shirt getting wet from Elias’s own sorrowful cries.
“I’m not even going to lecture you on being careful and how words have consequences. You already know that. But…I…I thought you of all people would’ve learned. He’s not here, so…I’ll say it for him. You’re an idiot, Serge Durandal, a first-class idiot.”
He opted to say nothing back to Serge, the latter taking the hint that the conversation was over. Elias was a man of few words from what he could tell, even less so when it came to feelings, so getting him to speak this much was a miracle. Grief overtook him as he let himself forget how to think and sobbed with the brother of the man he loved.
Serge would never forget that note.