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For as long as Stede could remember, his mother had always told him to stay away from the water.
Not for lack of reason, Stede knew why he was forbidden from going near it. Why his wistful glances out at the ocean received him a strike across the face, and why his requests of please, father, can we please visit the sea today ? left him going to bed hungry. He was cursed, as was his mother, as was her mother before her. The water changed them, in ways that were completely unnatural. Changed then in ways that are completely abhorrent in the eyes of God, if there even is one at all. And so, all his life, Stede had been taught to keep it hidden. To conceal the hideous part of himself away, in hopes it would dry up and wither away. He grew up and grew old, moving on with his life, keeping his true form hidden as far away as he could.
But no amount of concealing soothed the itching. He was told it would go away as he got older, that it would get easier with time. He quickly realized he had been lied to; in fact, it only seemed to worsen as he aged. What had begun as an itch just below the surface graduated into a searing pain, one that he quickly lost himself in if he was left alone with his thoughts for too long.
Taking baths helped, if only for a short while. Letting the water slosh around him as his tail pooled up over the side of the tub and onto the ground acted like an ice pack to a bruise; it would sooth, but wouln't heal. He would often spend hours lying in the tub, staring at the way the sunlight glistened off his bright— hideous, hideous, hideous— green scales. But bathing would never heal him for long. The itching would always, always come crawling back.
Mary knew, of course. They were married after all, there was no way to keep something so monumental hidden from her. In hindsight, that was probably why she allowed him to spend so much time soaking in their tub. She was well aware of his predicament, the pitying glances she would send him after he found himself staring back down towards the sea told him that much. But, when he proposed the idea of living on a boat, out on the ocean where he might finally be able to live without the layers of discomfort settled just below his skin, she made her position on the matter very clear. (I don’t want a BOAT, Stede, and I don’t hate our lives!)
And so, he left. Mary was right after all— they only had their one life, and he was determined to stop living one of pain and discomfort. He wrote her a letter, explaining what he had done and why he couldn’t keep pretending their life was okay. He could only hope Mary would understand (but how could she, he thought to himself. She would never be able to understand what he was dealing with, no matter how hard she tried), and that she wouldn’t come to hate him too much in the end.
——— ——— ———
He had been partially right, it turns out; living life on the ocean did serve to mostly cleanse his system. But there was still that underlying layer of discomfort, a layer of dirt he could never seem to cleanse himself of, no matter how hard he scrubbed.
As he got used to life on a— his— ship, life seemed to get easier. He gained the respect of his ragtag crew, something that proved itself a greater challenge than he’d anticipated, and they started to become the closest thing to family he’d ever built for himself. And then there was Ed. Ed, beautiful, strange Ed, who came into his life in a haze of smoke and left him reeling after every conversation. Blackbeard! Who would have thought. Certainly not him, he never would have believed how lucky he would have become just a year back. How happy he’d become, something he never would have thought possible.
And so, time marched on. The world continued spinning, and Stede found himself truly happy, and for the first time in years (his whole life even), he was able to ignore the itching. He felt truly content for the first time in his life.
——— ——— ———
And then a storm hits.
The wind howls, rushing past them in a fury. The waves claw at the sides of the ship, sending the crew rocking back and forth with every slap the sea sends their way. If Stede was being honest, the ocean almost seemed to be weeping.
Stede stood, tethered to the side of the ship next to Ed, as the other man shouted orders to the crew over the cry of the winds. Never before had Stede been so glad that the rain didn’t turn him the way that being submerged does. He’s not sure what he would do if it did. He tries his best to help Ed in light of the storm, tethering what he can down to the deck and doing his best to control the rocking of the boat.
Out of the corner of his eye, Stede spots a particularly large wave headed directly for where he and Ed were standing, like the ocean was reaching out a hand to grab them and pull them under. He tries to call to Ed, who has his back facing the direction of the wave, but his voice gets lost in the roar of the storm. The wave takes them both by surprise, cresting over the side of the ship and sending them both down hard onto the deck. Stede’s head collides with the ground with a sickening crack , and it takes him a couple seconds to come back to his senses.
Once he does, he turns his head over to check on Ed. his stomach sinks to the ocean floor as he sees the rope Ed was using to hold himself to the ship had been severed under the wave’s fury, and the man in question was nowhere to be seen.
“ED” he shouted, standing up and casting his eyes around, attempting to spot his friend. Not Ed not Ed please don’t take Ed from me.
There. Stede lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as he sees his friend alive and alright in the water, floating a couple yards away from the Revenge. The relief is short lived however, as he watches in horror as another wave slides over Ed and the man is swept under. Before Stede can even register what he’s doing, he takes out the knife Ed insists he keep on him and slices the rope holding onto him clean off, releasing him from the grip of the ship.
He hears the voices of his crew shouting at him as he races the length of the deck, but he pays them no mind. He crests over the railing as if he’d done it every day of his life, and falls headfirst down to the ocean below him.
A large part of himself was terrified as he was sent rocketing towards the sea for the first time in his life, but something deep in his subconscious was rejoicing. He knew, in the recesses of his mind, that no matter how angry the ocean had become, she would never hurt one of her own. He would be safe in her arms.
As he hit the water and felt himself change, it was as if he was taking a breath for the first time in his life. His tail unfurled below him, his fins billowed in the current, and the cool saltwater tickled his gills. For a moment he let himself be suspended under the surface, let himself be caressed by the waves, but with a gasp he remembered the reason he’d dived in in the first place. Ed. he swam to the surface as fast as he could manage, and with quickly rising panic he scanned around trying to find any hints of his friend’s whereabouts
Out of the corner of his eye he saw a hand breach the surface, reaching as if to grab onto something that wasn’t there. As Ed got swept under for a third time, Stede took off racing towards him.
He reached Ed in record time, grasping onto his limp body and holding him close as he swam back upwards. He broke the surface gasping, hauling Ed’s body above the waves so he could breathe properly once more. As Stede hugged Ed close, the water crashed around them but did not touch them. The sea provided them respite from its rage, as they both struggled to catch their breaths.
Stede supported Ed as he began to cough up a frankly terrifying amount of water, and reached out to brush his hair out of his face once he was done. Ed’s breathing was ragged, but it was there, and Stede would take what he could get.
“S.. Stede?” ed whispered, his voice hoarse from coughing. He blinked his eyes open, furrowing his brow in confusion.
“Shhh.. it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Stede soothed, smiling at the other man softly. Ed returned the smile wearily, and pressed his forehead to Stede’s. Stede held Ed as they waited for the storm to subside, thanking whatever god had been watching over them that the ocean had not taken Ed from him.
——— ——— ———
Once the storm had passed and the Revenge had sailed back over to its overboard captains, Stede attached a once-again unconscious Ed to the rope the crew had thrown them. His co-captain had fallen asleep a good fifteen minutes ago, and given the ordeal he had just been through, Stede figured it would be best to let him rest. It was easier to let him sleep than having to face the reality that his closest friend now knew he was a monster, after all.
Once he was certain Ed had been safely hauled over the side of the ship, he swam down underneath to one of the secret entrances he’d installed. A way for him to get inside while he was in his merman form, he’d called for it to be built on a day when he hadn’t hated his true self as much as he usually did. He never expected it to be used, but it never hurt to be safe.
He dragged himself inside and up to his bathroom, collapsed into the mercifully still-full tub, and let out a sob.
——— ——— ———
Ed awoke in lying under a pile of blankets, shivering his goddamned balls off. It took him a minute to remember where he was, but when he did, the memories of the day’s events hit him with the force of a cannonball. The storm, him going overboard, the fear he’d felt when he’d realized that was how he was going to die. Then being hauled back to the surface in a whirlwind of bright scales and golden blond hair (the scales he’d attributed to tricks of his nearly drowned brain). The warm smile on Stede’s face and the realization that he’d get to live another day. Thank god for Stede’s absolute batshit idea to jump in after him, because otherwise he would be spending the rest of his days in Davy Jones's Locker.
Speaking of Stede, the absolute madman, where was he? Ed cast his eyes around Stede’s– their, the man kept insisting– captain’s quarters, but he was nowhere to be seen. Judging by the moonlight streaming in through the cracks in the blinds, he’d been out for several hours. Stede should have been getting ready for bed by now. Ed stumbled to his feet, dragging one of the blankets with him, and went off looking for his friend.
As Ed staggered through the hallways of the ship, checking room after empty room, he became increasingly agitated. Where was Stede? Was he avoiding him? Did he get injured when he jumped in to his rescue? Or, Ed thought with panic racing through his veins, did he never make it back onto the ship? Was the Revenge down to one singular captain?
Before he could spiral any further, he heard a sob coming from Stede’s bathroom. His heart jumped to his throat as he realized he knew that voice. He’d recognize it anywhere.
“Stede?” he said cautiously, knocking on the bathroom door. “Could I come in?”
Stede responded with another cry, but he didn’t say no, so Ed hesitantly pushed open the door and stepped inside.
Stede was lying curled up in the tub, his hands covering his face and his shoulders shaking as he heaved ugly sobs, but it wasn’t the tears that caught Ed’s attention. Starting halfway down Stede’s torso was the most beautiful tail he’d ever seen. Scales the color of a tropical cove cascaded down his body, pooling up over the side of the tub and spilt over to the ground. The thinnest fins he’d ever seen sprouted from the sides of his tail and his arms, complimenting his long tail perfectly. Ed’s breath caught in his chest as he realized the scales he’d seen when underwater belonged to Stede, and as he looked at Stede’s body laying in the tub he realized why sirens were said to be seductresses.
He was the most beautiful thing Ed had ever laid eyes on.
His shock must have shown because Stede pulled his hands away from his face. Tear tracks had stained his cheeks, and Ed felt a pang of something in his chest. Stede was made of fine, beautiful things. He was always optimistic, even in the face of certain doom. Sadness simply didn’t fit on his face. It was unsettling, unnatural even.
Ed knelt down near Stede’s head, reaching out with a hand to brush his hair out of his face. Stede flinched instinctively, but did not push him away. For a minute they just sat in silence, the only sounds being the sea lapping at the boat and Stede’s ragged, uneven breathing. Finally, after what felt like hours but yet five minutes, Ed couldn’t really tell, Stede spoke up.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Mate what for?” Ed questioned, searching Stede’s expression.
“I should have told you you were friends with a monster.” he replied, tears picking back up. Ed sat there, unsure of what to do. Blackbeard doesn’t comfort people, he’s not good with emotions like Stede is.
“You’re not a monster, Stede,” he eventually settles on. “And even if you were, it wouldn’t bother me. I’m Blackbeard, remember? You don’t get much more monstrous than that.”
Stede let out a watery chuckle, giving Ed a faint smile.
“But I’m not even a human. It wasn’t right of me to lie to you like that, I was being selfish. I understand if you’d like to leave now, I won’t stop you.” something in Ed’s stomach churned at his words. What had Stede been through to make him so scared of who he truly was?
“Leave? Why would I leave you? You just saved my life, I should be thanking you if anything.” instead of being comforted by his words, Stede’s cries picked up in intensity.
“I tried, so hard, I really did. I hid it so deep down in hopes it’d smother itself with time,” Stede wailed. And Ed? Ed didn’t know what to say to that. “Kept it hidden away most of my life. But I wasn’t strong enough, Ed. It just hurt so terribly bad keeping it locked away but I didn’t want to face the reality of what I was and I’m just so fucking scared.”
Ed sucked in a breath at Stede swearing. In the weeks he’d known the man, Ed didn’t think he’d ever heard him properly swear. It wasn’t a gentlemanly thing to do. But here Stede was, breaking down in the tub and Ed had no idea how to help.
Wordlessly, Ed enveloped Stede in a hug. If you’d have told him a year ago that he, Blackbeard, would have hugged his friend tight and let him sob into his shoulder, he probably would have cut your tongue out for lying to him. But here he was, the most feared pirate captain in all the seven seas, rubbing the back of a merman as he cried his eyes out.
“If it’s any consolation, I think your tail is quite lovely,” Ed said after a lapse of silence. Stede lifted his head from Ed’s shoulder, still sniffling but thankfully not as distraught as he was before.
“You… really think so?”
“Oh yeah mate. I think it makes you a right good pirate captain as well. Think about it, a pirate who can breathe underwater. You could board ships so easily with that tail of yours. Besides, I’ve always thought you looked beautiful in teal.”
He… hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud, but when the tears in Stede’s eyes disappeared in favor of the blush on his cheeks, Ed decided it was worth it
“You really mean it?” Stede asked, breathless. Oh fuck, no going back now.
“Yeah, your tail looks stunning, compliments your hair beautifully. I mean you look beautiful in most things but–”
The tail end of his sentence was cut off as Stede’s lips crashed against his. Ed stiffened for a second in surprise, but quickly melted into Stede. It was by no means a perfect kiss, their teeth collided together as Stede leant forward, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. As quickly as the kiss had begun, Stede pulled back.
“Sorry, I don’t know why I–” stede began, but this time it was Ed who initiated another kiss. It was smoother than the first, and when Stede made a small hum of contentment, Ed felt his heart melt in his chest. He ran his tongue over Stede’s bottom lip, and when Stede let out a gasp of surprise, Ed took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside.
“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Ed confessed, once they’d finally separated. Stede chuckled at his admission, his cheeks returning to that adorable shade of pink.
“I’ll have to admit, I’ve been wanting that for quite a while as well. Thank you for what you said earlier, by the way. It’s been a long time since anyone has looked at my true form with anything other than disdain.” he sniffed again, the remnants of his breakdown still present on his face, but thankfully not quite as prominent as they’d been before. “I suppose part of me is glad to have finally let it out. I think I've been waiting for this for a very long time. Thank you, Edward, for being there for me.”
This time it was Ed’s turn to give a watery smile.
“Anything for you mate, anything at all.”
“Well in that case, would you mind taking me to our room? My tail doesn’t disappear until I’ve dried off, and I would really rather not crawl my way across the ship.” Ed chuckled.
“Sure of course mate, just hold on a second.” he stood up and bent down, picking Stede up bridal style. His tail wasn’t as heavy as he’d expected it to be, but the scales were exactly as imagined they’d feel.
Ed trudged his way back to the captain's quarters, and deposited Stede down on his bed as carefully as he could. The water dripped off of Stede and down onto the sheets, but the other man insisted that it wasn’t a problem. As Ed stood back up to go lay down on Stede’s couch, as he’d been doing every night for the past couple weeks, he felt a hand grab his wrists.
“Stay?” Stede whispered, his hair aglow under the moon’s light. After a moment, Ed conceited, and crawled in after Stede, laying down next to the other man.
“Goodnight, Edward”
“Night stede”