Chapter Text
There’s something soothing about not having to think for a while. To not have to be responsible for anything or anyone.
The thought always makes Tsukasa feel guilty, but it doesn’t stop him from frequenting his Sekai more often. He practically lives there, not even aware of how often he visits until he finds Saki in a panic because she couldn’t find him in his room. That was… An awkward conversation, and he’s pretty sure she thinks he’s been sneaking out.
“Are you playing with the plushies again, Tsukasa?”
The robotic yet calming voice startles him out of his thoughts. Kaito smiles at him, crouching down to pick up the ball Tsukasa had been throwing for the dog plushie.
“Mhm! I figured I’d come to entertain them. It’s what a star should do!” Tsukasa laughs, ego boosted by his own words. That’s right, a star should be spreading smiles. How is he going to do that if he never visits?
Kaito doesn’t seem to share the sentiment, based on the concerned frown etched into the virtual singer’s face. “Tsukasa…”
Tsukasa waved off the concern with a confident smile. “Don’t worry, I just have some free time and I figured I’ve been neglecting them. It’s not very cool of me to ignore the plushies I put here.”
He knows the troupe leader doesn’t believe him, but it’s the truth. Whether Kaito wants to read too much into it or not is entirely up to him.
Tsukasa doesn’t notice the crack that runs through the sky at his words.
~
The next time Tsukasa visits the plushies, someone is already with them.
“Ah, Tsukasa.”
The tone immediately puts him on edge, and he speed walks the rest of the way over to make sure the plushies are okay. He’s greeted with the sight of Rui fixing a jetpack to the cat plushie’s back.
“Rui! What are you doing?” Tsukasa demands, pulling the plushie away from whatever nefarious plans the inventor had. “I’m not going to let you experiment on them!”
The chuckle Rui lets out is a little too amused for Tsukasa’s liking. “I didn’t realise the plushies needed permission from their mother. Don’t worry, they asked if I could help them fly.”
“Oh.” Tsukasa huffs, turning away to try and hide the red of his cheeks. “You should be supervised when you do things like that. If you accidentally blew one of them up, I’d be really upset!”
“You could always join me, if you’d like.” Rui suggests. Tsukasa can practically hear his smile. “I didn’t realise you were so protective.”
“Are you making fun of me?” Tsukasa still sits down, placing the cat plushie where it had been.
Rui smiles gratefully, starting to fiddle with the jetpack again. “Of course not. I think mother hen Tsukasa is just as cute as every other Tsukasa.”
“I- you-! You’re definitely making fun of me!”
“Fufufufu…”
“Don’t laugh!”
They lapse into silence, Tsukasa watching Rui work. It’s… Oddly soothing, although whether it’s the Sekai working its usual magic or the company, Tsukasa isn’t sure. Is it wrong to find such a danger to society soothing? … Maybe that’s a little dramatic, no one has died yet. Besides, when has Rui ever made him feel genuinely unsafe?
Maybe it’d be easier for Tsukasa to admit to himself why that is if he didn’t have to worry about the real world.
“Tsukasa?”
Tsukasa hums, surprised by the unusually serious tone.
“Is… Everything okay?”
What? “What?” Tsukasa frowns, trying to stamp down the irritation. Can’t he just enjoy the calm in peace? “Everything is fine, obviously. Although if you hurt that plushie, everything will not be fine for you! Pay attention!”
Rui startles, apparently having not noticed he was still fiddling with the jetpack while speaking. “Ahaha… Right.” The younger boy glances up at the sky, before going back to work.
Tsukasa sighs, confused. Rui never made any sense… Did he have a funny look on his face earlier, or something?
If he had looked at the sky, he would have seen the crack in the sky widen.
~
Some days are better than others. Some days, he wakes up and feels really positive, not even the sight of a bug dampening his mood. Some days, he can’t shake the storm clouds over his heart.
Days like today, when he performs a show and is greeted by the smiling faces of the audience, and doesn’t feel a thing.
He’s quick to escape to the Sekai as soon as he can, brushing off Miku’s concern with a smile as he makes his way to where the virtual singer’s hardly ever go. It’s darker, but no less wondrous. Tsukasa can't help but wonder what inside of him created this. He can’t help but feel like the Sekai was delusional, creating such a happy place.
His thoughts flicker to the smiling audience, but the only thing he feels is guilt. Why isn’t he happy? He helped make those smiles appear, it was another day of spreading happiness. But why wouldn’t the happiness spread to him, too? Why can’t he smile truthfully, knowing he helped someone else feel happy?
He’s selfish, is his conclusion. He’s selfish to not be happy that someone else could smile. That should be enough for him… Why isn’t it enough?
He doesn’t realise he’s crying until it starts raining.
Maybe he’s not fine. No matter what he told Kaito, Rui or anyone else. He doesn’t know how they knew, but maybe he should’ve had the patience to hear them out instead of getting defensive.
The sound of light footsteps alerts him to the presence of someone else, and he quickly wipes his eyes.
“Tsukasa…” The next thing he knows there’s a flash of red and then a frowning cat girl sitting next to him. Miku’s close enough that Tsukasa can feel her warmth without having to touch her, something he’s infinitely grateful for.
“It’s fine, I just need some time.” He mutters, avoiding eye contact with her.
“I know you’re lying to me.” Miku’s voice is strangely soft and mature, a far cry from the usual bubbly Emu clone. “This is your Sekai, made up of your true feelings. Please don’t push me away, too.”
Tsukasa is stunned into silence for a moment, before letting out a quiet sigh. “... It’s just a bad day. I’ll feel better tomorrow.”
“But you feel bad today. You still deserve comfort for today.” Miku counters. It reminds him of the classic Tenma stubbornness he, his sister and Touya are all guilty of having. He can’t help the breathy laugh he lets out.
“Okay.”
He’s not cured of the numb feeling, but his lips pull up into a smile anyway. It’s nice, feeling so cared for. If he could have this forever, he’d…
Ah. But he can’t, because the Sekai isn’t fully real. He’ll have to go home and leave this warmth soon.
He ignores Miku’s protests when he stands, heart firmly set. He shouldn’t let himself indulge, otherwise he won’t be able to let go.
As he presses the pause button on his phone, the sky forms another crack.