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It’s been a week since Wilbur brought Tommy home. He was an angry baby, at least Techno thought so. All he does is cry, eat, sleep and poop. And cry even more. Tommy makes a funny angry face when he cries, the second day he was here and Tommy cried Techno called him a gremlin child. Wilbur didn’t find that very funny. He said ‘my baby is not a gremlin! He is an angel!’ Babies are weird. They’re a little wrinkly too, his mum finds Tommy’s baby rolls cute. Techno still thinks they should have named him Cornelius.
Everyone has held Tommy so far. Wilbur hates it when he has to let go of Tommy, he’s become very attached. It’s really funny to watch his mum and Wilbur have a staredown when she wants to hold him. Wilbur always loses, but there was that one time he won which was really surprising. His dad likes to play with Tommy more than holding the gremlin. Says he’s too little and fragile for his liking. Don’t know how he held them when they were babies.
“Techno I need your help!”
He sighed and bookmarked his page he was on and put next to him on the couch. When Techno walked into the kitchen he was greeted with a funny sight. Wilbur had Tommy strapped to his chest and somehow had baby formula all over the place. “How’d this happen?”
Wilbur wiped away the formula from his eyes and Tommy's head. Honestly he had no clue either. “I was making Toms his bottle as usual but he sneezed out of nowhere and it scared me.”
Techno narrowed his eyes at his brother. “A baby sneezing is the reason why baby formula is everywhere?” Wilbur nodded his head yes. “Yeah go ahead, pin the blame on a newborn baby.”
Wilbur sputtered, “He sneezed! It startled me. It is not my fault I got scared.”
“Right..”
Wilbur groaned and started cleaning up the formula powder that got all over the kitchen counters. “What did you need my help with?” Techno asked. Looked like Wilbur was perfectly fine to him. “I flung the last bit of the formula so I need to go to the store and get more. I can’t take Tommy so I need you to take care of him. While I’m gone.”
Techno paused. “Does that entail holding the gremlin?” Wilbur glared at him.
“He’s not a fucking gremlin!”
“Watch your language around the tiny gremlin Wil. Soon enough his first word will be a curse word.” Techno wouldn’t really be surprised if that happened. Phil and him had a bet on what Tommy’s first word would be. Phil said bitch or dada and he said fuck, since Wilbur tends to say fuck a lot.
“Yes, it would obviously entail holding him. He can’t do much Techno.”
Techno grunted, “I don’t wanna hold him.”
“Why would that be?”
“He’s scary.”
“Excuse me?” Wilbur said, baffled. His twin is so weird.
“I said what I said.” Techno shrugged.
“Care to explain your reason, oh dear brother of mine.”
Technoblade rolled his eyes. “Well first of all he’s tiny. Like tiny, tiny. Secondly I could break him if I dropped him-”
“Well I hope you don’t drop him.”
“-Shut up Wil. Thirdly, he's fragile. Easily breakable. And killable.”
“Are you going to kill him?”
“Of course not!”
“Then.”
Techno backed away from him. “I am not holding the child.” Wilbur smirked, “He’s actually a baby. Newborn to be exact.”
“I don’t give a fuck.”
“So rude!”
Wilbur opened a cabinet above him and pulled out a book. When shown to him Techno noticed it was the book he’s been eyeing every time they go out. He took out his brother's hands and immediately started reading. While he was distracted Wilbur carefully took Tommy out of the sling and into his rocker thing. He strapped the sling to Techno carefully so he wouldn’t take Techno out of his trance. Once the sling was secured he took his baby out of the rocker thing and into the sling, making sure he settled nicely against Techno’s chest.
Perfect.
He snatched the book out of Techno’s hands and put it back in the cabinet for safe keeping. Also when to use it against him. When he didn’t hear Techno react and turned around and laughed. Techno was staring at the sling and Tommy in said sling with wide eyes. “You good?” Techno looked away from himself and to his twin. “How?” Wilbur shrugged. “Simple. Gave you a book and wrapped the sling around you then boom. Baby Tommy goes in there. Magical right?”
“Shut up.”
“How is it?” Techno looked at him questionly. “Holding Toms I mean. I mean you aren’t really holding him but you are somewhat.”
“It’s okay.. I guess.”
Wilbur clapped and startled Techno who then startled Tommy awake but he only went back to sleep. Wilbur grabbed his car keys and kissed Tommy on the head. Then he was gone. Techno looked down at an awake Tommy, guess he didn’t go back to sleep. “What now kid?” Tommy only blinked.
“Right.”
Techno didn’t know what to do. Here he was holding a baby, a baby he didn’t want to hold in the first place, but it wasn’t that bad. He didn’t like it but it wasn’t bad. Yeah. He got a text on his phone and saw it was from Dream asking if he wanted to get together for his birthday. Oh yeah, Dream's birthday was in a couple days.
Techno has an idea.
---
When Wilbur finally got back home he sat in the car for a couple minutes. The trip went longer than expected all because of a stupid fucking karen. When he got to the formula section they didn’t have what he needed so he had to ask a worker if they had any in the back. It took them ten minutes to come back and gave him three cans of the formula. That part was done, thankfully.
Here's the best part. When he was in the check out line this lady tried getting in front of him but oh no, he will not allow this to happen. So he asked politely for the lady to go to the back of the line like everyone else but she started screaming and yelling at him. So Wilbur only did what he does best. Cuss her out and threaten her with something. Probably not the best thing, but fuck. He was tired and needed to feed his sweet baby Tommy.
The manager came out and took the Karen away apologizing for all the commotion. Wilbur was able to check out with no other problems and make his way home to his sweet baby, who he was missing dearly.
Wilbur finally got out of the car and unlocked the door. What he expected when he walked in was Techno sitting on the couch reading with a sleeping Tommy strapped to his chest. No. Of course not. Of course Wilbur can’t have or experience normal things in his life.
There was Techno singing in the kitchen baking. BAKING! Techno hated baking! There was a mess everywhere. Tommy looked like he was having a good time. He loves when people sing so that’s not much of a surprise there. But still. What the fuck.
“What the fuck is going on?”
Techno turned around and stood there like a deer in headlights. Busted motherfucker.
“Nothing.” Wilbur narrowed his eyes at him.
“I thought you didn’t like holding babies. Tommy to be specific.”
Techno shrugged, “Yeah turns out it isn't that bad so..”
“Why the fuck are you baking?” “Dreams birthday.”
Wilbur nodded and rushed towards him, undoing the sling and taking Tommy out of it away from Techno. Wilbur pointed at everything he made a mess and said, “You’re cleaning this up. I’m gonna go feed my baby and you are going to clean this up. Mom’s poor kitchen..” Wilbur last said as he walked away cooing at Tommy.
Well, Techno was fucked. There is another reason why he doesn’t like holding babies. They can’t tell you to stop or what you are doing is a very bad idea.