Work Text:
It begins, as most terrible things in Sunghoon’s life do, with Riki.
Really, it’s his own fault for befriending the kid in the first place. But what could he have done? To this very day, the memory of meeting his new next door neighbours with his parents and seeing a small Riki hiding behind his fathers leg brings tears to his eyes. Since that moment, Sunghoon has basically been at the younger’s mercy.
No matter how hard you try, you don’t say no to Nishimura Riki. And if you do, he finds a way to turn it into a yes before the day’s over.
Which is exactly how Sunghoon finds himself where he is now, which can only be described as his own personal hell.
“Hyung, we’re going to have an extra person in the library today.” Riki tells him cheerily when he takes the seat across from him, his lunch tray causing a loud smack when he sets it down.
“No, we aren’t.” Sunghoon hums. “It’s tutoring, Riki, not a social event.”
“You don’t say that when Heeseung hyung and Jake hyung play footsie the whole time.”
“Because they’re passing physics. You, on the other hand, have the lowest test scores this school’s ever seen.”
Sunghoon's not really the type to enjoy meeting new people. Some would say he avoids it at all costs.
Riki sighs, and Sunghoon refuses to look up, knowing what he’ll find if he does. “ Hyung,” he whines. “You always tell me to make new friends.”
“Yes, so you’ll leave me alone . It’s counterproductive if I’m involved in the friend-making.” Sunghoon keeps his eyes fixed on his food, but he can practically feel Riki pouting across from him.
“But–”
“No.”
“Hyung–”
“Absolutely not.”
“Hyung, look at me.” Riki whines again.
Stay strong, Sunghoon, you soft bastard.
He glances up at his friend, and sure enough, his face is pulled into an adorable pout, eyes shining with unshed tears.
“God, are you fake crying? Seriously?”
“It’s real, hyung. You’ve really made me cry.”
Sunghoon groans, putting his head in his hands. It’s over, you absolute pushover. “I’m not going to be friendly or welcoming. That's Jake's thing.”
“Thanks, hyung!” Riki cheers, and Sunghoon uses his remaining willpower to keep from flipping him off. “You’ll love Sunoo, he just transferred here from another university. He’s in the dance club with me, he just needs a little help getting caught up–”
“Wait.” Sunghoon interrupts, his brain taking a moment to catch up to Riki’s rambling. “Sunoo? Kim Sunoo?”
“Oh, you know him?” Riki says innocently, head tilted, looking like someone who hasn’t just ruined his life.
Sunghoon clenches his jaw, and shrugs. “Heard of him, I guess.” After a moment of silence while Riki waits for him to elaborate, he stands, grabbing his half full tray from the table. “I left my phone in class. I’ll see you after school, okay?”
Riki shrugs, shoveling a bite of food into his mouth, and Sunghoon practically bolts out of the cafeteria.
*
“Wait, that was him ?” Jake’s jaw drops dramatically enough that it disturbs Heeseung, who was peacefully asleep on his boyfriend’s shoulder moments before. “Kim Sunoo was the one you walked in on?”
Sunghoon shushes him, looking around the empty lecture hall they were sitting in. “Can you not say that so loud?”
“Who was he with again?”
He grits his teeth. “Kang Minhee.”
“Oh, yeah! Minhee’s a really nice guy, you know. I don’t know why you hate him so much.”
“He’s a shithead.”
“Dude,” Heeseung blinks at him, apparently fully awake now. “He’s actually a super sweet kid. So is Sunoo.”
“You’ve met him already?”
“He’s friends with Jungwon, they’re in the same year. Came over a few weeks ago–” He cuts off, yawning loudly.
“Well, isn’t he just a social butterfly.” He says bitterly.
Jake scoffs at him, rolling his eyes. “Hoon, seriously. You walked in on him making out with Minhee, so what? It was weeks ago, and it’s really not a big deal.”
Truthfully, he's not sure why it bothers him so much. He hadn't met Kim Sunoo outside of their awkward bathroom encounter, but he had seen him around plenty since then, and he does seem like a nice person. The kind of person who should be with someone better than Kang Minhee, who in Sunghoon's opinion, was a total douche.
“I just don’t understand what kind of a person Kim Sunoo is to be into Minhee –”
“Come on, dude, really? He’s class president, and over six feet, and everyone thinks he’s super handsome. You really don’t get what Kim Sunoo would see in him?” Jake says dryly. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you better get over it before this class is done. Over my dead body are you going to disappoint Riki by being yourself to his new friend.”
Sunghoon rolls his eyes, but holds back any further comments. He knows better than to mess with his best friend when it comes to Riki.
*
Sunghoon slumps down in his chair, scanning the library for any signs of his usual study group. From beside him, he feels Jake’s glare on him, and sighs dramatically.
“Just be social for once, Hoon. All you have to do is introduce yourself. Maybe even smile once or twice.” He says, like it’s not the most difficult task Sunghoon’s ever been given.
Riki practically skips into the library moments later, and Sunghoon’s eyes zero in on a pink head of hair attached to a much shorter boy, struggling to keep up with Riki’s fast pace. As they turn the corner, Sunghoon’s stomach drops, the same way it had when he had walked into the bathroom three weeks before and found the same pink haired boy pushing Kang Minhee against a stall door.
As they approach the table, Sunoo smiles, and it makes his eyes look like crescents. Sunghoon frowns.
“Guys, this is Kim Sunoo. Sunoo hyung, this is Lee Heeseung, Jake Sim, and Park Sunghoon. We've been friends like, our whole lives.” Riki says happily, taking a seat across from them. Sunoo, irritatingly, bows at the three of them.
“Oh, you’re Jungwonie’s brother, aren’t you?” Sunoo says to Heeseung.
“The one and only.” He grins flirtatiously, and Jake elbows him in the side hard enough to cause a sharp intake of breath from the older boy. Sunoo, seemingly already gifted with the ability to tell when the couple are going to start bickering, turns his attention to Sunghoon for the first time.
Their eyes meet, and Sunoo’s go wide in an instant. “Oh!” He squeaks, raising a hand to his mouth.
Sunghoon finds it kind of cute. Kind of.
He just gives him an uncomfortable smile, and raises his hand from the table to give a half hearted wave.
“So you do know each other?” Riki frowns.
“No–”
“Well, not really–” Sunoo starts, and then promptly freezes.
“Is it no or not really ?” Heeseung smiles knowingly. Sunghoon is tempted to remind Jake of the time Heeseung held a door open for a classmate so they can go back to arguing, but the last time he did that it lasted a week, and he's not sure it would be much better than this nightmare.
“Well, we– er, we met , but not officially.” Sunoo stutters out, turning a pretty shade of pink. Sunghoon has to force himself to look away.
Riki looks confused, but doesn’t push for more information. To his relief, they move right into discussing the most recent assignment, and to his horror, Sunoo takes the seat directly across from Sunghoon.
An hour passes, and it goes like this: Sunoo will look up, Sunghoon will look up, they’ll meet eyes, and Sunoo will blush furiously and look back down, practically burning holes into his textbook with his eyes. And sure, Sunghoon is usually awkward and shy, and some people would describe him as cold or a total dickhead , but he likes to think of himself as a nice person.
He starts to feel a bit bad about the way he’s acting. Especially when Sunoo turns out to be pretty cool.
So, when the others start discussing their upcoming soccer game, Sunghoon does the dumbest thing he possibly could, in an attempt to be friendly.
He clears his throat. “So… are you and Minhee, like, a thing?”
Sunoo looks up from his book, horror and embarrassment etched into his normally pleasant features.
Listen, he pleads to the small Riki that lives in his brain. I’m trying my best, okay?
“Um.” Sunoo gapes at him for a long moment, and then his expression hardens. “Yeah, we are. Is that a problem?”
The small Riki in his brain is screaming at him. Sunghoon freezes. “I’m not homophobic!” He says frantically.
Sunoo doesn’t seem convinced.
“Really, I’m not. I mean, it’s great! I’m not gay, but really, it’s super cool.” He rushes out in one breath, then glances over at Jake and Heeseung. Jake is wiping ketchup off of Heeseung’s mouth, and Heeseung is staring at him like he hung the moon. “Do you think I could tolerate these two if I was homophobic?” He says, then promptly snaps his mouth shut.
Sunoo stares at him for a while. Sunghoon closes his eyes and prays to anyone listening to just let him die.
He opens his eyes when he hears a squeak from across the table, and then that squeak turns into a happy laugh, and Sunoo leans forward and swats Sunghoon’s arm.
“Hyung! You’re so funny,” he says between laughs. He calms down a moment later, and Sunghoon realizes that he's smiling, too. “I can call you hyung, right? That’s fine?”
He finds himself nodding before he can think twice about it.
*
A week later, Sunghoon finds himself looking around the library in anticipation, wondering if Sunoo would be joining Riki this time, too. Wondering if he could make him laugh again, or see him blush.
He shows up that time, and the next, and the next. Every time, Sunghoon jumps at the first opportunity to talk to Sunoo while the others are distracted.
“I’ve never seen you click with someone this fast, hyung.” Riki observes one day as they’re walking back to their shared apartment.
“That’s not true.” Sunghoon frowns. He’d clicked with all his friends immediately– that was the only reason they were friends. If they didn’t click right away, most people got tired of Sunghoon’s awkwardness by the second attempt at conversation.
“Yeah, but you know what I mean. It wasn’t like this with us.”
Sunghoon doesn’t know what he means, not at all. He doesn’t get it until the next week, when Sunoo approaches their table with someone in tow.
“Hi!” He smiles warmly, and Sunghoon finds himself unable to remove his eyes from Sunoo to see who was beside him. “I hope you don’t mind, Minhee wanted to come along.”
Sunghoon suddenly feels like he could break the table.
He still doesn’t fully get what Riki meant, but he’s starting to.
*
The situation Riki has kindly deemed Sunghoon’s breakdown worsens two months later. Sunoo and Minhee are a thing of the past, but Sunoo himself has become a permanent fixture in their friend group.
It’s more of a problem than Sunghoon thought it would be.
He likes being friends with Sunoo. He’s kind and funny and fits into their dynamic perfectly. He hasn’t got any problems with the younger, like, actually none, which is rare for him. He likes teasing Sunoo more than anyone he’s ever met, because Sunoo always reacts, and then he gets to see his cheeks turn pink.
So, he doesn’t understand why it’s a problem that Sunoo’s always around, but it is. When Sunoo's sitting next to him, Sunghoon can barely focus enough to read a word of his textbook. After one full study session spent doodling on Sunoo's paper to make him laugh, Jake bans them from sitting next to each other out of concern for Sunghoon's grades. But even from the other end of the table, their eyes will meet every so often, and Sunoo will smile like they're both in on a joke no one else gets, and Sunghoon will completely lose every bit of focus he had.
“Want to come have chicken with us, hyung?” Riki interrupts Sunghoon’s thoughts. He’s confused for a moment, until he realizes his youngest friend is talking to Sunoo , not him. Code red. Chicken Thursdays are sacred, and they're for relaxing, and Sunghoon won't relax for a second if Sunoo is there.
“Hm?” Sunoo lifts his head from where it was resting on his arm. The fabric of his hoodie has left lines on his cheek, and Sunghoon feels an odd urge to reach over and run his fingers over them.
“Hyung is ordering chicken tonight,” Riki nods towards Sunghoon. “We were going to watch a movie. Wanna come?”
With just his eyes, he tries to signal to Riki that this was a terrible idea, but the younger isn’t even looking at him.
To his relief, Sunoo frowns and says, “Oh, I can’t.” Then, to his horror, he continues with, “I’ve got a date tonight.”
Sunghoon speaks up for the first time as Riki screeches joyfully. “What? With who? Minhee?”
Sunoo laughs, giving Sunghoon a curious look. “No, hyung. Not Minhee. He’s in your year, actually, you probably know him. Park Jisung?”
Sunghoon does know Park Jisung. Sunghoon likes Park Jisung, always has. He’s the reason he passed his statistics class in first year, and he’s an all around good dude.
“That guy? He’s a prick.”
Riki groans out loud, looking up at the ceiling.
Sunoo’s eyes turn fierce, and he scoffs in surprise. “No he isn’t, hyung. He’s really sweet.”
“No, trust me. He’s no good for you.”
“How do you know that?”
“My god. Stop. I’m begging.” Riki sighs in exasperation. “Don’t worry about it, Sunoo hyung. You can come next time.”
Sunoo’s expression softens, and he smiles at Riki. “Thanks. I’ll call you later and tell you how it went, ‘kay?” He says, before grabbing his bookbag and waving goodbye at Sunghoon, exiting the meal hall.
Sunghoon sighs, leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling. “Why did I do that?”
“Because you’re an idiot, hyung.”
*
“Do you think he’s handsome?” Sunghoon says aloud, scrolling through Park Jisung’s Instagram feed from where he was laying on the floor.
“Who?” Heeseung asks curiously. “Wait, are you trying to get me and Jake to start fighting again, ‘cause it’s really not cool when you do that.”
“Park Jisung. And Jake’s not here.” He says, gesturing around Heeseung’s living room, only inhabited by his brother Jungwon, and Jungwon’s boyfriend Jay, who Heeseung can’t stand. They’re not even listening, too engrossed in each other as usual.
“You say that like you didn’t record me saying I had a crush on IU to send to him. He didn’t speak to me for like, an hour after that.”
“And I’m sure it nearly killed you. Anyways, can you answer my question?”
“Park Jisung? Everyone thinks he’s handsome, dude. What’s this about?”
“Sunoo’s on a date with him right now.”
“Ah, and that’s why you’re here moping on my floor instead of participating in Chicken Thursday with Riki.” Heeseung sighs.
“He betrayed me. He doesn’t deserve chicken.” Sunghoon pouts, but it doesn't seem to garner much sympathy from his older friend.
“You left the kid with no food?”
“He’s eighteen, he can get his own food!” Sunghoon scoffs. Heeseung gives him a disapproving glare, and Sunghoon sighs. “I ordered some for him before I left.”
“Of course you did. Anyways, why do you have such a problem with Sunoo going on a date with Park Jisung?”
“I don’t. Sunoo can do whatever he wants.”
Heeseung gives him a skeptical look.
“He can! I just don’t trust this guy. He’s bad news.”
“Who is?” Jungwon asks from the couch, pausing the anime he and Jay were watching.
“Sunghoon is convinced that Park Jisung has bad intentions with our Sunoo.” Heeseung says in a mocking tone.
“Dude, I love that guy.” Jay chimes in.
“No one asked you.” Heeseung snaps.
“What, now you’re on my side?” Sunghoon gives him an incredulous look, which Heeseung ignores.
“He’s super cool. He’s in the dance club, too.” Jay adds, seemingly unaffected by Heeseung's words. “Good for him, he’s been wanting to ask Sunoo out for weeks now.”
“Hyung, can I ask you a question?” Jungwon asks sweetly. Heeseung’s younger brother has a similar effect on him as Riki, so he just nods dumbly. “Have you considered that maybe you have such a problem with Sunoo dating because you want to date Sunoo?”
Sunghoon recoils instantly, staring at Jungwon in shock. “What? Why would I– what are you talking about?”
Jungwon just grins, like he’s just won something.
“Me and Sunoo? I mean– I’m not even gay , and he’s…” Sunghoon trails off, shaking his head. “I just care about his feelings. If he keeps going out with all these guys who are no good, he could get seriously hurt one of these days.”
“Okay, hyung.” Jungwon says gently, like he’s speaking to a child. “Just something to consider.”
*
And he does consider it. In fact, he does nothing but consider it for days. His mind plays Jungwon’s words over and over again, and anytime his mind gives him a break, it’s to agonize over the conversation he came home to that night.
(Riki’s gaming, so his phone is on speaker, Sunoo’s bright voice coming through loud and clear as the front door closes behind him.
“Oh, hey hyung.” Riki greets monotonously, eyes not leaving the screen.
“Is that Sunghoon hyung? Hi!” Sunoo’s words directed at him break him out of his dazed state.
“Hi, Sunoo-yah.”
A moment passes, and then Riki clears his throat. “Anyways, hyung, go on.”
“Oh, I’m done, really. It was just super nice. He was a total sweetheart, we’re for sure going out again. I already texted him about it.”
Sunghoon slams his bedroom door behind him without realizing his legs had carried him out of the livingroom.)
It’s all he thinks about for days. It’s all he talks about for days.
“I just don’t understand why Jungwon would think–” He starts for the twentieth time that day.
“Oh my god, Hoon, seriously.” Jake groans, slamming his head into his textbook. “Please, please spare me. I can’t pass this class if I’m in prison for murdering you. ”
Sunghoon crosses his arms and frowns. “You know, I thought that maybe my best friend would understand–”
“Sunghoon, please. Just drop it. If Jungwon was wrong, then he was wrong, and you can move on.” Jake pleads. “Do you actually think it’s so terrible for someone to think you might like boys?”
“What? I never said that.”
“How else am I supposed to take it?” Jake says quietly, actually sounding a bit hurt.
“Hey, man, I didn’t mean it like that. You know I’m cool with you, I’ve always been cool with you. I’m sorry.” He says, patting Jake’s shoulder.
Jake snorts. “Yeah, you’re cool with it, alright.”
“I’ll stop talking about it. I promise, I’m done. We’re good?”
Jake nods. “We’re good, dude.” He says, but his voice is strained, like he’s holding back.
*
Sunghoon really is done thinking about it. There’s just one thing he has to do, and then he’s done.
“Oh, hey, Sunghoon.” Park Jisung grins when Sunghoon approaches him in the meal hall. “What’s up?” He asks, sounding as friendly as usual.
“Hey, man. Look, this might sound kind of odd. I was just wondering… what’s up with you and Kim Sunoo?”
Jisung furrows his brow. “Isn’t he your friend?”
“Oh, yeah, he is. I just, you know, if you’re going to be, erm, sticking around, I wanted to know what your intentions were.” He aims to sound like more of a big brother type figure than a weird stalker, but fails miserably.
At this, his classmate frowns. “Uh, I don’t think I’m sticking around, actually. He hasn’t answered my texts since we went out. I’m pretty sure he’s not interested, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
Sunoo’s voice rings in his ears. “...we’re for sure going out again. I already texted him about it.”
“Oh.” He says dumbly. “Sorry, man. That sucks.”
Jisung shrugs. “No worries. I knew going into it that he was probably into someone else, anyways. At least now I know I was right.”
Sunghoon frowns. “What? Who’s he into?”
Jisung just gives him a weird look and walks away, and Sunghoon is left with more questions than he started with.
*
Sunoo is over at their place every day for a week straight, and normally Sunghoon wouldn’t mind. In the four months since the Park Jisung incident, they had gotten a lot closer, and Sunghoon had come to feel quite comfortable in the younger's presence. But it was the week of exams, and Sunoo would not stop crying.
In the time he had known Sunoo, he had become very aware of the fact that the younger cried a lot. He cries at movies, whether they were happy or sad, at songs that come on at just the right time, at compliments and insults alike. He was a bit of a crybaby, and they were all used to it, as it was usually solved with a hug and a Sunoo-yah, don’t cry.
But this. This was something Sunghoon was not equipped to handle.
“Do you think I’m being stupid, hyung?” Sunoo asks, for the third time that week, a fresh wave of tears streaming down his cheeks.
“No, Sunoo-yah. You’re not being stupid.” Sunghoon says softly, turning in his chair to look at the pink haired boy on his bed. “He’s stupid.”
Sunoo sniffles. “He’s not stupid. He can’t help it.”
“Tell me his name again. I’m ordering a drone strike.”
“Hyung, stop.” He says, cheeks pink, but then he mutters anyways, “you know his name. You’ve met him several times.”
“He was so forgettable, I really can’t even picture him right now.”
“Hyung.” Sunoo repeats, like he's talking to a child. “Kai’s a nice person. He can’t help that he fell in love with someone else. We were only together for a few months, anyways.”
Sunghoon had never liked Kai. Sure, he seemed like a decent enough guy, but he just wasn’t right for Sunoo. He wasn’t attentive enough, which was very important if a person wanted to be right for Sunoo. Not once when Sunoo was feeling down did Kai bring him something mint chocolate from the convenience store. Sure, he'd comfort him, but he should have known that the best way to get Sunoo to smile was to put your own feelings about the flavour aside and get him some damn ice cream. Sunghoon did it, and had even come to do it happily by this point. And not once did Kai sit through a ten hour binge of whatever romance drama Sunoo was currently fixated on.
But still, it was a bit of a surprise when they broke up. Sunoo had seemed quite taken with his boyfriend, and quite convinced that it would last. But it didn’t last, and now Sunghoon’s precious favourite pillow was covered in tear stains.
Sunghoon sighs, rolling his chair to the edge of the bed so he can brush Sunoo’s hair out of his face. “Then why are you crying?”
Sunoo is quiet for a while. “Don’t you think it’s kind of romantic?”
“What? Your boyfriend breaking up with you to date his best friend is romantic?”
This earns him a glare, and he holds his hands up innocently.
“You know what I mean.” Sunoo pouts.
“I don’t, but hyung is listening, and I’ll try to understand.”
Sunoo seems to soften, and he sighs. “It’s like… I’m not even upset that Kai broke up with me. It just stings ‘cause it’s like, I know I’ll never be that person for someone. Me and Kai were never really serious, I’ve never been serious with anyone. But when he was telling me about how he and Taehyun were in love, all I could think was, I’ll never experience that kind of love . Isn’t that pathetic?”
Sunghoon feels hot anger burn in his stomach, and shakes his head. “Sunoo, that’s not true at all. This guy really made you feel this way? I'll kill him.”
“No, hyung, it’s not just this guy , it’s every guy I’ve dated. And really, it’s not even them, it’s me . I–” He cuts off, wiping his eyes and looking down at his lap. “I feel like I’m unlovable. Like there’s something wrong with me.”
“Hey. Kim Sunoo. Look at me, please.”
Sunoo looks at him, eyes shining with tears, and Sunghoon feels his breath catch in his throat for a moment. He starts speaking before he even thinks about what he’s going to say, words flowing out of him without hesitation.
“You are not unlovable, okay? Not at all. You’re the most lovable person I’ve ever met. I mean, just look at our friend group. We’ve all been friends our whole lives, and you fit right in like it was nothing. Because you’re you . You’re…” He trails off, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by just how much he could say about Sunoo. “You’re everything, Sunoo. The reason it’s not working out with all these losers has nothing to do with you. You’re like… you’re everything good. Not just anyone can really, truly love you. Only the people who deserve to.”
Sunoo gives him a wary look. “You really think so?”
“Yeah.” He breathes, shocked at just how much he does think so. “Yeah, of course. You know how I feel about you.”
Sunoo snorts, wiping tears from his cheeks. “Yeah. I guess I do.” He says quietly, giving him an unreadable look. “Hyung, can I ask you something?”
“Of course, Sunoo-yah. Anything.”
“Have you ever had a girlfriend?”
Sunghoon pauses. “Um. No, I haven’t.”
Sunoo raises his eyebrows, a cute shocked expression taking over his features. “Really? But you’re so…”
“Handsome? Incredibly charming?”
“Annoying and weird.”
Sunghoon pouts, and Sunoo laughs. “Really, though. Clearly you know you could date anyone you wanted, so why not?”
Sunghoon shrugs after a moment of consideration. “I guess I never really wanted one. I was always around girls growing up, ‘cause I did figure skating and there weren’t exactly many guys interested in that, so I've always been comfortable around girls, but... I don't know. I got a lot of confessions, but I just told them I was too busy.”
“Were you? Too busy, I mean.”
“Yeah, I guess. But…” He pauses. Sunoo had been so open with him– surely he could try to be as well. “Looking back, I kind of regret it. I mean, look at me now. I stopped skating years ago, but now I’m just too horribly awkward to say anything to anyone I might be interested in.”
“Is there anyone you’re interested in, hyung?”
Sunghoon shakes his head without much thought. “I’m not sure I would know what it felt like if I was, though. I kind of learned to just ignore all that stuff.”
“It’s admirable how driven you are, hyung. I like that about you.” He smiles softly. “But don’t you think it would be nice? To be in love with someone?”
“...It might be nice.” He says quietly, shrugging.
Sunoo just keeps looking at him. Sunghoon is suddenly aware of all the places they’re touching, where their knees are knocking together, the way he’s close enough to feel Sunoo’s breaths. “Sunghoon–” Sunoo says after a sharp intake of air, voice sounding pained, and before he can continue, the door to Sunghoon’s bedroom swings open.
Sunghoon pushes his chair back to the desk, looking over at Riki where he stands in the doorway, eyes wide.
“Um. Good afternoon.” Riki says, getting weirdly formal in the way he does when he’s uncomfortable.
Sunoo won’t meet his eyes. He feels like he needs to catch his breath, like he’s just gotten off the ice after a competition, like he’s just run a marathon.
“What’s up, Riki?” He asks as Sunoo picks up his phone and starts scrolling on it, seemingly unaffected.
“Nothing.” The younger squeaks, and then the door shuts, and they’re alone again. Sunoo doesn’t look up from his phone, so Sunghoon turns back to his computer. They don’t speak again for a long while, until Sunoo finds a video of a cat he swears looks exactly like Jungwon, and then they’re back to normal.
Sunghoon tries hard not to let his horrible brain replay the way Sunoo had said his name, but he doesn't get much studying done after that.
*
Summer is Sunghoon’s least favourite time of year. He’s never liked the heat, and he prefers staying busy. The boring, hot summers in his hometown are never something he looks forward to, but this summer is worse than usual.
Usually, the only good thing about summer is that all of his friends are with him, since they all go to stay with their parents, who all still live in the same neighbourhood. Usually, he can at least look forward to spending his summer with all his favourite people.
But Sunoo didn’t grow up a street over. He grew up three hours away from the school, six hours away from where Sunghoon was currently laying on the floor.
“Hyung, what are you doing?” Riki asks, walking into his house without knocking, as he'd been accustomed to doing for the last decade.
“Air conditioning.” He grunts, gesturing to the box he had practically been living in front of for the past two weeks. “Why are you in my house?”
“Heeseung hyung wanted me to make sure you weren’t moping over Sunoo. I’m going to tell him you are and he's going to come over and beat you up."
“Why would I be moping over Sunoo?” He frowns, forcing himself into a sitting position to frown at him.
“Because you miss him.” Riki sings.
“Everyone misses Sunoo. It’s Sunoo .”
“Duh, but you miss him extra.” Riki grins wickedly. “You two seem really close lately, hm?"
Sunghoon shrugs. Sure, he and Sunoo had gotten pretty close. Once he started feeling a bit better about the whole Kai situation, he didn’t stop coming over every night, and Sunghoon didn’t mind it at all, despite his introverted tendencies. Sunoo had quickly gone from someone who made him feel like he was always on edge, to someone who Sunghoon felt like he couldn't go a day without seeing.
But Sunoo's time in his apartment only lasted a week, and then they had to part for the summer. As per usual, his brain had latched onto the last thing Sunoo had said to him, and was replaying it over and over again.
(“Have a really good summer, hyung. You deserve to have some fun for once.”)
Jake had banned him from saying Sunoo’s name to him for the entire summer, after day two alone had nearly driven him to the edge of insanity.
(“What do you think he meant by that? I deserve to have fun?”
“Sunghoon, please. I’m just one man, I can only take so much . ”)
He tries everything. He goes to the ice rink four times in just the first week, knowing it was the only thing that could distract him. But then, as his old coach had phrased it, his sad face was scaring the children , so he wasn’t allowed back for at least a week.
Which left him in his childhood home, with nothing to do, friends who were entirely unsympathetic and uninterested in his life, and an entire summer ahead of him.
“Have you been texting him?” Riki asks.
Sunghoon shakes his head.
“Really? You haven’t talked at all in two weeks?”
“No, we talk on the phone every night.”
Riki just stares at him blankly.
“What?” Sunghoon frowns.
“Hyung, you’ve never called me once in your entire life. One time I called you and left a voicemail saying I’d been kidnapped, and you texted me ‘yo what’s up’.”
He shrugs. “And?”
Riki stares at him a moment longer. “Can I be really, super honest with you for a second?”
“Okay…”
“You…” Riki cuts off, and lets out a frustrated sigh. “You like me, right, hyung? We’re friends?”
“Of course.”
“And you like the hyungs, and Jungwon. Right?”
He nods.
“How do you like us?”
“I’m not following.”
Riki sighs again. “Like, in what way do you like us?”
“Uh… you guys are my friends. Even Jay.”
“Okay, good. Do you like Sunoo in the same way?”
He stares at his younger friend blankly. “Sunoo’s my friend.”
“In the same way that we’re your friends, or in a different way?”
“I’m not following again.”
“Oh my god.” Riki stands from the couch, looking like he’s seconds away from tearing his hair out. “No, nevermind. I can’t.”
Sunghoon stands too. “What are you trying to suggest? That I don’t like Sunoo as much as I like you guys?”
“ No , hyung. The opposite.”
“I like him… more? That’s not true. I’m sorry if you’ve been feeling left out, but–”
“Hyung, you’re in love with him!” Riki exclaims, sounding more frustrated by the second. “You’ve been in love with him since the moment you met him, and you’re too busy thinking you’re straight to even notice!”
Sunghoon blinks. “Sorry?”
“Please, don’t be mad at me, hyung. We didn’t want to overstep, but you’re driving us insane.” Riki pauses. “Have you ever had a crush on a girl? Ever?”
Sunghoon sighs, frustrated by this seemingly regular topic of conversation. “I don’t know. I guess not, but what does that matter–”
“You have a poster of Taemin in your closet , hyung.”
“It’s my sister's, I’ve told you a million times.”
“No one believes that for a second.” Riki hesitates for longer this time before speaking again. “Remember the time you asked Jay hyung out?”
Sunghoon scoffs. “What are you talking about? I would never do that." He insists, but gets a strange sinking feeling in his stomach anyways.
“In your senior year, before he started dating Jungwon, Jay hyung said he’d never been ice skating. You asked him if he wanted you to teach him, and suggested you could get pizza afterwards. I asked if I could come, because I didn’t know how either, and you said you wanted it to just be the two of you. Jay hyung said no because he realized you were asking him on a date .” Riki finishes, letting out a puff of air, like he’d been holding the words in.
“I wasn’t…” He starts, but trails off when he sees the murderous look the younger is giving him. “You’re being serious?” His voice shakes a bit, and he looks away in embarrassment.
He’d always been aware that he wasn’t exactly like the other boys in his class. He’d never had the urge to talk about his female classmates the way they did, was never interested in discussing the crude things they talked about. He just thought he was staying focused, being respectful . Now, standing here, being told he’s gay by someone he’s known his entire life, he’s never felt like more of an idiot.
Shouldn’t he have realized sooner than this? Jake came out to him when they were thirteen, and he was completely supportive, but how did the thought that he might be the same not cross his mind?
“I’m… sorry, hyung. I don’t mean to overwhelm you. We just hate seeing you like this, when you could just ask him out –”
“Even if I was gay, which– which, fine. Maybe I’m not as straight as I thought I was. But even if I did like Sunoo, he doesn’t feel the same way.” Sunghoon feels tears threatening to spill, and looks away from his friend, eyes fixed on the floor.
“Hyung.” Riki says sadly. “Maybe– maybe I should get Jake hyung.”
“No, I’m fine.” Sunghoon insists, shaking his head. “I’m fine. The more I think about it, the less shocking it is. I guess.”
“For what it’s worth, hyung, I think Sunoo feels the same way.” Riki says gently.
For a moment, he thinks about denying he feels anything for Sunoo. Then he sighs, and shrugs. “I don’t know why he would. He’s really– er, experienced. I just found out I’m apparently gay like, thirty seconds ago. He– he needs someone who can give him everything.”
“You really think you aren’t that person? Hyung, you already have been. I live with you, remember? I saw the way you guys were when he was over all the time. You like, completely spoiled him.” Riki snorts. “You guys already act like a couple, and he’s happy when he’s with you, so doesn’t that count for something?”
“Well, it’ll have to. ‘Cause that's all I’m going to get.” He says, wiping his eyes just as the first tears start to fall.
“Hyung–”
“I’m sorry, Riki, I’m not angry at you, but can you go? I just want to be alone for a while.”
Riki gives him a pained look, but nods anyway, and leaves. Sunghoon sits on the couch and pulls out his phone. His lockscreen had been changed a few days before he had left, and it used to make him smile, but now his chest feels hollow when he sees it.
(“There,” Sunoo says, satisfied as he returns his phone to him. “Now you won’t forget me over the summer.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Sunoo-yah.”)
Later that night, when Sunoo calls, he thinks about declining it and going to sleep. But it’s Sunoo , and he hates to think about his disappointed face when he doesn’t pick up. So he presses accept, and puts his phone to his ear, closing his eyes.
“Hyung!” Sunoo greets cheerily. “Do you miss me yet?”
“Since the second you left, Sunoo-yah.”
“Aw, hyung, I miss you too.” Sunoo sighs. “I’m just walking home, I thought I’d check in. Has Riki driven you insane yet?”
“I think I’m the one driving him insane.” He opens his eyes as it sinks in what Sunoo said. “Wait, walking home? It’s late.”
Sunoo chuckles lightly. “I had a date.”
Sunghoon sits up, suddenly feeling the urge to vomit. “Oh, did you?” He tries to sound impassive, but fails spectacularly.
“Yes, hyung, now don’t threaten to burn his house down or anything. It went really well.” He giggles breathily, and Sunghoon has to keep himself from screaming aloud.
“Do I know this loser?” He asks, trying to maintain any sense of normalcy between the two of them.
“Actually, you do.”
And that does it. A fresh wave of tears fall, and he sniffles before he can stop himself.
“Hyung? Are you alright?” Sunoo sounds so genuinely concerned, it does nothing to help the situation.
“Yeah, Sunoo. I’m good. Just– just having a weird day, I guess.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” He says softly.
“No. Not yet.”
“Okay, hyung. Do you want me to go?”
Sunghoon sniffles again. “No,” and then, because he’s a masochist, “tell me about your date. I want to know everything about this creep who doesn’t even make sure his dates get home safely.”
*
Sunghoon spends the rest of his summer alone.
He doesn’t really mean to. But he accidentally sends a clear message when he gets his mom to start locking the front door, barring Riki from entering unannounced for the first time in their entire friendship. Two weeks after that, they stop trying to reach out to him over text.
A week after that , Sunoo officially has a boyfriend.
(“I don’t want to tell you who he is.” Sunoo says stubbornly.
“Why? Worried I won’t approve?”
“I know you won’t approve. You’ll have to find out like everyone else, when we go back to school.”)
So, that’s what he has to look forward to. Returning to school and seeing Sunoo with his new boyfriend. He’s never wanted summer to take its time so badly.
But soon enough, he’s putting his bags in the trunk of his car, avoiding eye contact with Jake, who he had agreed to drive home at the beginning of the summer since Heeseung had to return a week early for his part time job. Riki was visiting family in Japan and wouldn’t return until the day before classes started, and Jay insisted on driving only Jungwon, so it was just him and Jake. After an entire summer of ignoring him.
“You want aux?” Jake asks as they get in the car.
Normally, he would say yes, because Jake’s playlist is something no living human should have to sit through. But he just shrugs.
“Okay, dude. You just forfeited all rights to complaining, though.”
Sunghoon snorts, and pulls out of the driveway. They don’t say anything for the first hour or so, and then seemingly out of nowhere, Jake turns to him. He opens and closes his mouth a couple times, then sighs.
“Hoonie… I really hope you don’t think we were, like, conspiring behind your back about all this. I mean, you know by now you were driving us kind of crazy, but we were really just concerned. Riki was never supposed to say anything to you, we were going to let you figure it out on your own.”
“It’s okay.” He says, surprised by the fact that he means it. “I probably never would have figured it out, honestly.”
Jake snorts. “I’m not gonna disagree.”
“I’m sorry for disappearing, Jakey. I just– I couldn’t.”
Jake just nods encouragingly.
“I was embarrassed. Not about being gay, but the fact that I didn’t know , I guess. It was- it was all a lot, honestly.”
“It’s a really hard thing to figure out, for some people. Especially ones as, er, stubborn as you are. I mean, I’ve known my whole life, but you remember what Hee was like in highschool?” Jake says, laughing a bit. “He was as in the closet as your Taemin poster is.”
Sunghoon smiles, and Jake laughs a bit harder, nudging him in the side.
“Honestly, dude, I’m just so proud of you.”
“Ew.” Sunghoon frowns.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. You’re too cool to express your feelings to your friends.”
“I am not.” He says, offended. “You guys know I love you.”
Jake gives him a doubtful look. “You stopped talking to us for three months, Hoon.”
Sunghoon sighs. He can't argue with him there. “Yeah. I did.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
He clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “Hate to ruin the surprise, but uh… Sunoo’s got a boyfriend. I don’t know who he is, but we’re meeting him at movie night next week.”
Jake doesn’t say anything for a while. “I’m sorry, Hoon. I thought– we all really thought he felt the same.”
Sunghoon nods, willing himself not to cry. “It’s fine, really. I spent the whole summer getting over him.”
“You did?”
“Nope. Cried into my pillow every night.”
“Mm.” Jake hums suspiciously.
“What?” Sunghoon frowns. “You sound like you know something I don’t.”
“I don’t know who the guy is, no. But I can guess.”
Sunghoon glances at him curiously.
“Probably someone tall, or at least like, above average height. Platinum blonde hair, really talented at something artistic. I’d bet you anything he’s in our year.” Jake says seriously.
Sunghoon considers this for a moment. That description matched Kang Minhee, Park Jisung, and Huening Kai, the only three guys Sunoo had been linked to since they met. “I guess he has a type.” He says through gritted teeth.
“Yeah, dumbass. You’re his type.” Jake reached over, pulling on Sunghoon’s platinum blonde hair.
“What are you saying? He’s only dating these guys because we have some similarities?”
Jake shrugs. “I don’t know, I’m not Sunoo. But it’s interesting, don’t you think? The pattern?”
“You science majors. You can’t just tell me what something means, all you do is talk about patterns .”
“Fine. If you wanna know what I think, I think Sunoo’s probably doing it without realizing, ‘cause he’s not malicious like that. Maybe he saw how you reacted to him and Minhee, and subconsciously wanted to keep pushing it.”
“But he seemed to actually like some of them.” Sunghoon points out. “I would know– you didn’t see him after he and Kai broke up.”
“Sure, maybe he did actually like Kai. Sunoo would never use someone like that, so he probably did. Maybe he hasn’t even realized he likes you, or maybe he knows, and he’s trying to get over you this way. I don’t know. You’d have to ask him.”
“You’re no help.”
“Dude, I’m helping so much right now! Give me some credit.” Jake punches his arm gently, then leans back in his seat, sighing. “Promise me you’ll talk to him, okay? You owe me one after three months of forcing me to deal with Riki alone.”
Sunghoon smiles a bit. “Sure. I’ll talk to him.”
*
Not only does Sunghoon not talk to Sunoo, but he blows off movie night entirely. Which, he must say, is a huge accomplishment considering it takes place in his apartment. He knows his friends will be furious with him, and he's sure his phone is full of texts and missed calls, but he can't bring himself to care. Sunghoon couldn't sit there and watch Sunoo with his new boyfriend. He couldn't handle it if he seemed happy, and he couldn't handle it if he didn't. So he blew them off.
He’s making his way back to said apartment from the nearest bar, however, when all his efforts go to waste.
“Fine.” A familiar voice cuts through the silence, and Sunghoon looks over at the park bench outside of his building. Sunoo is sitting there, wearing pajamas he had never returned after borrowing them from Sunghoon, with tears streaming down his face. “No, fine, Minhee. If that’s really what you think.”
Sunoo hasn’t noticed him yet, so he stays, watching with a sort of detached curiosity. Sunoo sniffles and stands, his free hand clenched into a fist at his side. Sunghoon finds it sickeningly adorable, despite the circumstances. “No, you know what, I think I’m done, actually.” He says, sounding defeated and furious all at once. “Goodbye, Minhee. Have a nice life.”
When he hangs up the phone, he wipes his tears on his sleeve, then lets out a frustrated cry into his elbow.
Sunghoon doesn’t realize Sunoo’s looking at him until it’s too late.
“Great. Just what I needed– another guy who blew me off tonight.” He snaps.
“You okay?” Sunghoon asks, and Sunoo gives him an offended look.
“Where were you tonight? I thought you would want to see me after three months.”
Sunghoon looks at the phone still clutched in Sunoo’s fist. “Was that Kang Minhee? From the bathroom?”
Sunoo sniffles again. “Yes. Until about a minute ago, he was my boyfriend. We got back in touch over the summer.”
“Mm. I’m glad I didn’t come, then.”
“Excuse me?”
Sunghoon just shrugs. “If you walked through that door with him, I think I would have actually lost it.”
Sunoo looks at him for a long moment. “Well, it’s good that he bailed, then, right?”
“No, that’s a dick move.”
Sunoo snorts. “Glad you’re aware.”
“Sorry.” Sunghoon says quietly. “I never want to disappoint you.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Nope. Haven’t had a drop. Sat in a bar and drank water like a loser.”
Sunoo smiles a bit at that, looking at the ground. “You’re ridiculous.”
“No, I’m just in love with you, actually.”
His eyes snap over to Sunghoon, a shocked expression on his cute face. “What did you just say?”
“Uh.” At once, he feels all of his confidence leave him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’m going to go home, and we can talk… some other time. I’ll just call you a cab and–”
In an instant, Sunoo is striding towards him, taking Sunghoon’s face in his hands. “Do you mean it? You love me?”
Sunghoon only has time to nod before Sunoo is kissing him. He gasps at the contact, frozen for a few long moments before he has the sense to do something. Sunoo makes a breathy little noise when Sunghoon takes the lead, wrapping his arms around him tightly and gently moving his lips against his, and Sunghoon relishes in it.
A moment later, Sunoo pulls away, looking at Sunghoon with wide eyes and wet cheeks. He opens his mouth to speak, but Sunghoon shakes his head, leaning back in to reconnect their lips. This time, there’s no hesitation, Sunoo’s hands immediately grabbing fistfuls of Sunghoon’s hair, neither of them wanting the other to pull away again.
Sunoo sighs into the kiss after several more seconds pass, and Sunghoon pulls away, just long enough to place a kiss on the younger’s jaw.
“Hyung, hyung. We should talk, shouldn’t we?”
“You’re the one who kissed me.” Sunghoon stops long enough to respond, then gently nips at the skin.
“Mm, I am. Are you complaining?”
“Not even a little. Do you want to talk?”
“We’ve never been the best at it, have we? Why start now?”
Sunghoon couldn’t agree more.
*
Getting Sunoo past the five sleeping boys on the floor of their living room proves to be a challenge, but they pull it off after several displays of Sunghoon’s jumping skills and several accidental giggles from Sunoo. By the time Sunghoon’s bedroom door is safely closed behind them, they’re both flushed and holding back laughter.
This time, Sunghoon reaches for him first, but Sunoo meets him with enthusiasm. It feels different here, alone and pressed against the door to Sunghoon's bedroom, only the sounds of their breathing when they pull away this time. Sunoo smiles up at him, and Sunghoon brushes a stray hair off his forehead, smiling too. “What exactly did you mean by that, by the way? That we aren’t the best at talking?”
“I mean, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“Probably because I didn’t know .” Sunghoon sighs. “And because you were always out of reach.”
“No, I wasn’t.” Sunoo says quietly, giving him another soft kiss. “I was never out of reach, not for you. I’ve liked you since I first saw you.”
“Really? Why didn’t you tell me earlier, then?”
“I barely even knew!” Sunoo exclaims, eyes going wide when he realizes he’s speaking way too loudly. "Only recently did I really figure it out."
“Tell that to the lookalikes you’ve been dealing with for the last nine months.”
Sunoo gasps, and it’s so endearing that Sunghoon has to kiss him again, smiling into the kiss until Sunoo pushes him away. “What are you talking about?”
“I mean, you’ve exclusively been dating tall guys with blonde hair since we met.”
“Okay, that is such a broad category– oh my god.” Sunoo gasps again, putting a hand up to his mouth. “Oh my god . That is so embarrassing.” He turns that shade of pink that Sunghoon likes so much, and he pulls him into his chest, kissing the top of his head. “No, wait! Minhee doesn’t count, ‘cause that was before we met. In the bathroom, I mean, not– not this time.”
“Mm, that’s true. I guess that just means I’m your type, doesn’t it?”
“I guess it does." Sunoo smiles warmly, before groaning, burying his face in Sunghoon's chest. "I’m so embarrassed. Tell me something embarrassing so we’re even.”
Sunghoon thinks for a moment, too distracted by the boy in his arms to think clearly. “I have a Taemin poster in the closet of my childhood bedroom.”
Sunoo looks absolutely delighted by this, cackling loudly enough that Sunghoon has to cover his mouth to keep from waking the other boys.
“Even weirder, it’s what made me realize how I felt about you.”
Somehow, Sunoo looks even more delighted, and intrigued. He listens carefully as Sunghoon relays his summer, and by the end of it, his eyes are shining with tears again.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sunghoon asks softly.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Sunoo sighs as Sunghoon wipes his tears away. “I was so preoccupied with trying not to think about you like that, I didn’t realize you needed me.”
“It’s okay, Sunoo-yah. You’re here now.”
“Yeah.” Sunoo breathes. “Yeah, I’m here now.”
When they kiss again, it’s gentle, full of everything they still don't know how to say. It might take some time for them to find their footing, and it might be hard, but in that moment, Sunghoon decides it's worth it. He decides he'd do anything if it meant he could have Sunoo like this. Sunghoon cups Sunoo’s face like he’s precious, because he is, and he never wants to let go, not even for a second.
*
(“What?” Sunghoon breathes when Sunoo starts to giggle against his lips. “I’m starting to think you don’t even want to kiss me.”
“Sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just so funny that you got assigned gay by Riki .” Sunoo cackles, and Sunghoon’s sure at least one of the boys has woken up by now.
“I’m glad you’re amused, at least.”
He’s content to just watch Sunoo wipe happy tears from his eyes, but a knock at the door ruins those plans.
“Sunghoon hyung, is Sunoo in there with you?” Riki’s voice comes through the door behind them, no concern for his volume level whatsoever. When they don't respond, Riki lets out an inhumane screech. “Guys! I think they’re kissing! I’m a matchmaker!”
It begins, as most wonderful things in Sunghoon’s life do, with Riki. But it also begins like this, with Sunoo’s crescent eyes and his pink cheeks, and Sunghoon’s heart full of love.)