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“I… messed up.”
Thoma could hardly believe his ears, nearly dropping the glass of water he was holding, eyes wide as he lifted his head to stare at the Oni sitting dejectedly on the bed.
The International Trade Association had graciously provided a room for Itto after the soy milk fiasco and Thoma had been with him for some time, watching worriedly as the Oni coughed and wheezed, all while insisting that it wasn’t that bad. Thoma had done his best to help him, having dealt with allergies in his own household. Before long, Thoma had gotten Itto to take some medicine and eventually the Oni’s coughs began to subside.
Though he was confident in his skills, Thoma found that he could hardly pay attention while taking care of the Oni. He couldn’t shake the guilt and worry over causing such an incident. He’d just wanted to make sure everything ran smoothly for the festival, roping Itto and his gang into helping out while also giving them what they wanted. Maybe he’d been too focused on diffusing the situation as quickly as possible, because he’d completely forgotten to consider the possibility that someone might be allergic to the drink.
It had clearly taken its toll on Itto, both physically and mentally. Even after taking his medicine, he was still wheezing slightly. And once his coughs died down, so did his ramblings. For a time, Itto was unusually silent as Thoma continued to make sure he was comfortable and then his crimson eyes became sad and dull.
The sight only served to make Thoma feel more guilty for causing such a mess and he failed to think about why the Oni was feeling that way. Well, it was clear now, as Thoma gripped the glass in his hand, still staring in disbelief at Itto’s slumped form.
Turns out, Thoma wasn’t the only one feeling guilty.
“Wow, I really messed up.” Itto repeated when the silence stretched on, a sad huff of laughter leaving him as he did so.
Guilt gave way to determination for the time being and Thoma crossed the short distance to the bed, setting down the glass on the bedside table before sitting down next to Itto.
“Itto, how could you possibly have messed up?” Thoma asked, trying to make eye contact with the inconsolable Oni. It was unsettling to see the usually chipper and strong man so upset. “If anything, I’m the one that messed up. I should have made sure it was safe for you to drink.”
“Well, see, you didn’t know about my allergy, it’s not like you sent me to drink that on purpose , so it counts as an honest mistake.” Itto reasoned, finally looking up at him, a hint of suspicion in his eyes. “You… didn’t do it on purpose, right?”
“N-no, of course not!” Thoma said, surprised by the question.
The suspicion vanished from his gaze right away, and Itto grinned, nodding as if he knew Thoma could be trusted regardless of the fact that he had just met him. Thoma frowned slightly, confused by the question and wondering if something like that had happened to the Oni before.
“Then, it’s all water under the bridge, my dude!” Itto stated. “But as for me… I messed up big time today. And I’m only telling you ‘cause you’re my bro, so don’t tell anyone else, alright?”
Thoma was a bit taken aback by Itto’s friendliness, but… He decided he liked it. And it relieved him to see the man being a bit more lively, though the sadness in his gaze still hadn’t faded.
“Alright.” Thoma said, nodding. “I still don’t think you messed up at all, but I’ll hear you out.”
“Thanks, Thoma.” Itto grinned.
And then he sighed, the smile vanishing as quickly as it came. He fell silent for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts, breaking away from Thoma’s gaze.
“I feel like I let my gang down.” He explained. “Wouldn’t be the first time, of course. But this time… It feels like I did something I can never make up for.”
Thoma listened attentively, his own guilt abating more and more as it turned into concern for Itto.
“You know why I was hogging that Tanuki photo board?” Itto asked.
Thoma shook his head no, watching as Itto sighed heavily.
“I was telling Paimon and the Traveler, just… making excuses as usual, but it was because I didn’t want to let down the guys. Besides being pressed for money, the Arataki gang doesn’t have a great reputation and that’s mostly because of me. Now I know things aren’t quite how they used to be and that Onis aren’t as feared as they were back in the day. That still doesn’t change the fact that most people don’t know a lot about us Onis. I was supposed to write something up about our gang so that maybe our reputation would start looking up and we wouldn’t be so unwelcome… but well…”
Thoma frowned sympathetically as Itto went on, relaying how he simply hadn’t gotten time to write at all, busy with other things, worrying about daily expenses and such. Itto kept insisting that most of it was procrastination on his part but Thoma understood that sometimes even if you were excited to do something, your mind would simply not cooperate with you, reminding you of countless other things.
Two months became two weeks, which then became one and Thoma winced internally as Itto’s story continued spiraling downhill.
He felt a surge of anger when Itto recounted the way they were barred from entering the festival because of their unusual outfits. Thoma had seen those outfits before when the Arataki gang visited Inazuma city and recalled thinking that they looked an awful lot like childrens’ costumes, imitating the style of the Onis. Thoma understood Itto’s desire to integrate his gang into the city, and after an incident like that, Thoma was going to have to talk to Ayato about disciplining the staff.
“So you see…” Itto sighed, finishing up his story with a wry smile on his face. “In the end, the best I could do for my gang was… hang out by the photo board. I messed up big time.”
Thoma had been silent thus far, his heart aching for the Oni. But when he repeated those words, Thoma firmly cut him off from saying any more.
“No, Itto.” He said, softening his stern expression when Itto glanced at him. “You did not mess up at all. Quite the opposite, actually.”
Itto looked at him, frowning slightly, but stayed silent.
“Sometimes there are things we can’t control in life. And you know what, I’ve seen most people give up in situations like this.” Thoma told him. “But you did your best despite the circumstances. You did the most for your friends, Itto, and I’m willing to bet this isn’t the only time you’ve pushed through for them.”
Itto laughed, a sorrowful thing, shaking his head.
“I appreciate it, man, but you see… Even my best is not-”
“Itto.” Thoma interrupted softly. “Do you seriously not know how much your gang looks up to you? I don’t even know you guys, but I could see how much it meant to them when you took on my volunteering competition just so they could enjoy themselves a little. Your enthusiasm motivated them to keep their spirits up! And you know what, I’m sure if we ask any one of your friends, they’ll tell you they had a great time today.”
Itto’s smile had begun to grow more genuine throughout his speech, but it still didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Yeah, well…” Itto said, his gaze thoughtful. “It did look like they were having fun… At the photo board and then with the volunteering… But then, they had to witness their leader in such a state and-”
“Which, again, can’t possibly be your fault.” Thoma reminded him. “And besides, the festival isn’t over yet, Itto! There’s still time for both you and your gang to enjoy yourselves!”
“But…” Itto looked hesitant. “I just told you we tried everything before settling on the photo board…”
“Well, who says the only way to enjoy a festival is to buy things or hang around the booths?” Thoma laughed.
Itto gave him a look as if to say, well how else are we supposed to enjoy it then? Thoma grinned at him, standing and pacing the room excitedly.
“I’ll tell you what, you like beetle fights, don’t you?” Thoma began. “I’ve seen you playing with some of your friends and other kids from the city, but I notice you only do so in less crowded areas. I know you’re probably doing it to be considerate but if we want people to get used to the Arataki gang, we’re first going to have to show them how fun you all can be! You can set up your own stand and challenge the other festival goers to a duel! It’ll make the festival so much more lively!”
Itto’s dull eyes begun to glint in hesitant excitement. He seemed to be buying into Thoma’s idea a little, but didn’t seem 100% on board.
“But I didn’t bring my Onikabuto with me…”
“No worries, we can ask the Traveler to grab a few real quick and then we can start setting up! Come on, Itto.” Thoma said, smiling imploringly. “Giving up isn’t a good look for you. So chin up and smile a bit!”
Itto huffed out a laugh, surprise flashing across his features briefly before it was replaced by the most blinding smile Thoma had ever seen on the Oni’s face. His shoulders straightened and his eyes brightened as he grinned at Thoma. Thoma smiled back and for a time, the two of them simply let the comforting silence linger.
“You’re a good guy, Thoma.” Itto told him finally, the words honest and genuine.
Strangely enough, though the words should have made him happy, they instead awakened the guilt that had lain dormant for quite some time now. Seeing Itto smile at him so genuinely, the gratefulness clear in his face made Thoma’s smile falter. He may have comforted the man when he was feeling down and yeah , ok, he hadn’t done it on purpose, but it was Thoma’s fault that Itto was here, still wheezing slightly, in the first place.
But now was not the time to weigh Itto down with his own feelings. Not when he’d just managed to make him smile. Now that he’d decided Itto was a friend, it was his responsibility to keep that smile on his face, even at the cost of ignoring his own feelings.
And so, hoping Itto hadn’t noticed the crack in his own smile, Thoma grinned at the praise and returned it.
“You too, Itto, my bro.” He said, throwing in a wink for good measure.
But the gesture didn’t make Itto laugh like he thought it would. Instead, his brows furrowed slightly, the smile fading the tiniest bit and Thoma hesitated. He wasn’t onto him, was he?
“Thoma…” Itto began.
Thoma raised an eyebrow, waiting with bated breath as Itto pondered his next words.
“You know-”
“Itto!”
Both Itto and Thoma turned to face the door as it opened to reveal a concerned Aether and an excited Paimon rushing into the room.
“Itto, are you ok?” Aether asked, rushing over to his bedside. “How are you feeling now? Are you up to meeting with your gang? They’re really worried about you.”
“Itto, look! The nice lady over at Sailing Breeze made this for you!” Paimon said, smiling widely as she shoved a glass into Itto’s hands. “This one doesn’t have beans in it!”
The bright smile was back on Itto’s face and Thoma smiled softly at the sight. As Paimon and Aether talked up a storm, keeping the Oni company while he recovered, Thoma took a few quiet steps back. His job here was done. Perhaps it had already been done for quite some time now.
It was… presumptuous of him to try and comfort someone after making him practically bedridden. This was by far, the worst first impression he’d ever made on someone’s life. What if Itto thought less of him now after he’d overlooked something so important?
Yeah… He probably shouldn’t overstay his welcome anymore than he already had.
He had only just stepped foot out the door when a voice stopped him in his tracks.
“Thoma, my bro!”
Thoma’s head snapped up, surprised to see that Itto was standing, awkwardly supported by Aether on one side, while he held his drink in the other hand. His smile was as bright and genuine as it was before, but something else was there now, just behind his eyes. A sort of knowing glint, but before Thoma could question it, Itto began to speak again.
“You weren’t thinking of leaving without me, were you?” Itto teased.
Thoma smiled hesitantly and shook his head.
“No, of course not.” He said with a nervous chuckle. “I was just gonna go tell your friends about our beetle fight plan.”
“Nice!” Itto exclaimed. “Come on, Thoma, you’re gonna be the first to duel against me! Think of it as… an initiation! As my newest friend!”
Friend…
Barely an hour since they met, and Itto already considered him a friend. After he’d neglected his duties and got Itto sick, the Oni had declared him a friend . It was almost too much for Thoma to bear. Surely, this was more than he deserved for a few comforting words. Surely, Itto was just being kind and-
Before he knew what was happening, Itto had put his drink down and thrown his arm around Thoma’s shoulders, bringing him in for a side hug. Thoma’s mind blanked as Itto laughed cheerily. For a time, he simply stared at nothing, walking along as Itto and the Traveler led the group outside.
Then he glanced up at Itto, confusion marking his face as the Oni smiled down at him.
“You know…” Itto mused as they slowed to a stop just outside. “I’m smarter than most people give me credit for.”
Thoma didn’t say a word, simply continued staring in confusion. From his peripheral vision, he could make out Aether and Paimon grinning knowingly. Itto paused briefly, matching their grins.
“I know what you’re thinking, Thoma. And… You’re forgiven.”
Thoma blinked.
“Huh?”
Itto blinked.
“You’re forgiven.” He repeated, sounding slightly unsure of himself now as he scratched at his horns. “You know, ‘cause… Well, I noticed you were feeling super guilty. About not making sure about the drink beforehand. I was so caught up in my own mind and then we got to talking about that, so I couldn’t tell you that I’d already forgiven you a long time ago…”
Itto paused, a sort of panic on his face as he held his hands up in front of him.
“N-not that I’m mad or anything! I was never gonna hold you accountable for something like that but uh… You looked like you needed to hear it! So just for you, I thought I’d let you know.” He grinned, one hand on his hip and the other pointing at himself. “This kind and generous Oni forgives you. Even though there’s nothing to forgive.”
“Oh…”
Thoma would have loved to say more but was shocked that Itto had read him so well, even amidst his own heavy emotions at the time. The words settled into some deep recess of his mind and loosened the guilt that was so dead set on staying there. For a moment, he thought he understood why the Arataki gang looked up to this man.
And then Itto was wrapping his arm around him once more, grinning and laughing boisterously.
“I meant it when I said you’re a good guy!” Itto told him. “So don’t you forget it.”
Thoma smiled, and this time it came easily, the guilt releasing its hold on his heart. He didn’t know if he could form words at the moment but he hoped his smile conveyed his feelings. Sure enough, Itto nodded, showing that he understood.
Thank you, Thoma told him through his smile. And Itto grinned, eyes glinting as if to say, always, my bro.
And then he laughed once more, never loosening his hold on his new friend.
“Well then, let’s get this duel started! The show must go on!”
And so it did.
Surrounded by old friends and new ones, Thoma decided perhaps things had turned out for the better. He’d definitely be making sure to double check for allergies before he offered anyone anything. But perhaps, sometimes it was possible for an honest mistake to lead to something different, something better. And while it was nice to make sure everyone around him was smiling, it was nice to know how much his smile mattered to his friends as well.
Both Thoma and Itto could agree that they’d never enjoyed any festival quite as much as they did that day.