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Miriam drummed her fingers on the bleachers, leaning against the row behind her. She puffed her cheeks and released the air like a horse before looking down at the basketball court, where a bunch of boys were spending lunch break playing like they always did.
The only ones who seemed to be kinda into it at the moment were Abby and, curiously enough, Tyler. Mei was busy with a homework problem she didn’t understand and was racking her brain trying to figure out. Priya was texting with her girlfriend, and Miriam… well, she wasn’t doing anything, but for some reason she just didn’t care.
She’d been weird like that for a while now. Whether it be watching boys doing sports, the new hot English teacher, or Devon’s revamped look, she just wasn’t finding excitement in those things anymore. Of course, with Priya being there, she’d wondered if perhaps she wasn’t into men at all—but that didn’t make sense. She’d definitely had a few crushes. So what was it?
“Damn it…” Mei’s head suddenly did a little ‘poof’ sound and pink smoke gave way to panda ears. Miriam smiled. Despite getting a lot better at controlling herself, when she was distracted she could still sometimes transform without realizing it.
On instinct, Miriam reached forward, softly flicking one of the ears. Mei yelped, her ear twitching a few times. “Hey! Don’t touch me so suddenly, it’s distracting!” she complained. Miriam chuckled as she went back to her problem and her ears disappeared. She was so cute…
“Tyler, you just gonna watch?!” One of the boys playing called to him.
Tyler shrugged. “Not feeling like it today, sorry!” He called. Miriam suspected what it really was: He’d been a bit self-conscious about playing lately. All the girls suspected he had a crush on Lucas, one of the guys currently on the court.
“I’ll play!” Miriam decided on a whim, standing and walking down the steps. She was the only one of her friends who was really always dressed for things like this.
The boys gave her weird looks as she stepped near them. “You sure?” Lucas himself asked.
“What, you scared you’re gonna lose to a girl?” Miriam teased with a cocky smile.
“Oh, you’re on,” Lucas threw the ball at her.
It was a simple game of attack and defense with a single hoop. If the ball got blocked from throws three times or it made it in once, teams switched. It was a swift game and, despite her bravado, Miriam wasn’t very good at it. She still had fun, though.
She wasn’t sure when, however, her friends had started to cheer for her. As she finally managed to get the ball through the hoop, loud cheers rose from the bleachers. Miriam did a victory pose for her friends, flexing her nigh inexistent muscles and winking.
Abby kept cheering, Priya and Tyler both gave her thumbs up. Mei, however, pretended to faint.
Thump
Miriam paused. What had…?
“Hey, we’re two points behind! We can still turn this around so come on!” One of her teammates called her.
She shook her head, turned, and kept playing.
Miriam was distracted for the rest of the day.
She couldn’t even figure out why. That strangeness she felt at the game hadn’t come back, and she’d been trying to recapture whatever it had been. Even now, as she exited school with her friends, she was barely listening to the conversation.
“Sorry guys, I’ll have to skip on today’s karaoke,” Priya said, pausing after the steps. Miriam blinked. When had they decided to go to karaoke?
“Ah, got a date, do we?” Abby asked, leaning with a suggestive look towards her.
“Yeah. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Of course not,” Mei smiled at her. “Be sure not to get caught!”
“Not even dead,” Priya made a peace-out sign and walked away. Only then Miriam noticed her girlfriend’s distinctive goth looks a few meters away. The group waved to the two of them as they walked.
“What do you think they do for dates, anyways? Priya never tells,” Tyler asked once they were out of earshot.
“I bet they go to abandoned buildings and perform satanic rituals,” Abby suggested.
“Ew, they wouldn’t go that far,” Mei replied. “I think they go to the library or something and read about vampires.”
Miriam considered for a moment. What could they do? “Well, if it were me, I guess I’d look for a secluded place to be able to do couple stuff without having idiots snooping around and… you know, ruining it,” she explained. It was really bothersome for her that her friend couldn’t openly go out on dates with her partner simply because they were both girls.
The three of them turned to Miriam with strange looks. “That… sounds like it should be right, but…” Mei said, sounding confused.
“But for some reason it sounds nothing like Priya,” Tyler finished for her. “Now, perhaps if you add a haunted old mansion to that it’d be more fitting.”
“It does sound cute, though. I’d totally be down for something like that,” Mei added, sighing dreamily. “If only I had someone to do that with…”
Thump
Miriam paused. Blinking, she slowly turned to her friend. It couldn’t be. That hadn’t just been…
“Like someone’d ever fall for you,” Tyler said. Mei deadpanned him and feinted a punch, to which he flinched with a laugh. Mei laughed after a moment too.
Miriam, through all of this, stared straight at Mei’s face. At her red hair, at her beautiful eyes hidden behind her glasses. She imagined the scenario she’d described. Hidden in some obscure park of the city with no-one around. With Mei. With her smile and her laugh and-
Thump
“Alright, I’d love to go for Karaoke, but I think I’m gonna have to bail too,” Miriam said, smiling. “I promised my dad I’d help him with dinner.”
Abby cocked her head. “Since when do you cook?”
Miriam snorted. “What do you mean? I’m a great cook! One of these days I’ll bring you over and invite you to something ha ha anyways gottagobye,” she waved and ran away, throwing her skate on the ground and hoping on it to go as far as possible as fast as possible.
Once she was out of sight of her friends, she grabbed her head.
“No no no no no,” Miriam paced around in an alleyway she usually frequented to test out skate tricks. “You’re over-reacting,” she told herself. “You’re… you’re just…”
She thought back to her sudden lack of interest in boys. When had it started? Back at… a party, right? Stacy’s birthday party, was it?
Right. She’d seen a boy flirting with Mei. He’d made her kinda uncomfortable, so she stepped in to get him away from her. He’d been seventeen, two years older than them. He was hot, but Miriam had felt absolutely nothing for him.
Why had she been so attentive, though? Normally, she may have even allowed Mei to go through with it. She could handle herself. She could literally turn into a giant red panda if things went wrong, for fuck’s sake. There’d been no need for Miriam to step in.
Looking back on it… she’d just been jealous, hadn’t she?
Even now, thinking of that guy leaning against the wall, trying to smooth talk Mei into kissing him, she could feel her heartrate spiking with annoyance. And how it calmed as she imagined Mei’s smile at her and the thanks she’d received for getting her out of that.
Thump
“Fuck,” she muttered, pressing her forehead against the wall and considering just starting to bang it. How had this happened? “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!” She started banging her head. Not too strongly, but enough to hurt a bit.
Someone stopped at the entrance of the alley. “Uhm, kid? You alright?” It was a man, perhaps in his late twenties.
“Do I look ok?” Miriam snapped at him. “Leave me alone, old man.”
The man seemed to take offense in her comment, rolling his eyes and muttering something as he walked off. Still, the interaction was enough to make Miriam realize she could not be having this breakdown here. Plus, what if one of her friends called home and found out she was not there? Then she’d have more explaining to do.
Taking a deep breath to relax, she took off. Home wasn’t too far off.
[Priya, you there?] Miriam messaged after reaching home.
[Yo. Wasup?] Priya answered within about thirteen seconds.
[Are you busy?]
[Depends. How srs is this?]
Miriam figured she was probably still on her date. Should she bother her with this? [I’d say potentially friendship-ending serious] she replied after some thought.
The reply took a moment longer than Miriam would’ve wanted. [K. Wanna call?]
[U at home?]
[Ye, parents out.]
Miriam went to pick out her home’s phone and called.
“This better be as serious as you made it sound,” Priya warned as soon as she picked up.
“I think I like Mei.”
“Oh. Gimmie a second,” she said. For a moment, Miriam could hear her speaking to someone. Given that her parents were out, who that was became obvious. “Alright, I’m all ears. Just to make sure, you haven’t tried those brownies the shady guy from the senior year has been trying to sell, have you?”
“Of course not,” Miriam rolled her eyes. “Listen, I just… I don’t know how to put it. How’d you find out you liked girls?”
Silence lingered for far too long. “I dunno,” Priya replied. Miriam would’ve sworn she could hear her shrug. “It’s hard to pinpoint it. I just… Did. And then shit happened and here I am,” she explained. A soft chuckle from somewhere on the other side confirmed Miriam’s suspicion of her being with her girlfriend.
“Ok, so… what do I do now?” She asked.
“Girl, that’s not for me to decide. Listen, you can talk to Mei about it, or not. Do what you think. Though I’d suggest make sure what you’re feeling is not just some silly infatuation or whatever. We’re not talking silly boy crushes. If you’re gonna try something for it to turn out to be nothing serious, you could be jeopardizing your relationship with your best friend over nothing.”
Miriam was a bit shocked at the little speech. She didn’t think she’d ever heard Priya say so many words together in a single go. “How do I do that?”
“Hmm… Well… I don’t know, really. What do you want me to say? I never had a crush on my best friends.”
“But you’re our local romance expert!”
“Novel romance, not real life romance,” Priya stated. “Ok, ok, listen, here’s an idea: Just try to act normal for a week or two. If you still feel this way, then we can move on to thinking about it more seriously. What do you say?”
“Yeah, ok, that sounds good,” Miriam nodded even though Priya couldn’t see it. “Of course, please, don’t tell this to anyone.”
“Uhm… Jess knows, but she’s not gonna tell anyone of course. Remember: act normal. Don’t let the crush show, ok?”
Miriam snorted. “Please, I act normal everyday, how hard can it be?”
“What is up with you today?” Tyler asked during first break.
Miriam nearly tripped over her own feet. “What do you mean?” She asked back, laughing nervously.
“You’ve been fidgety and awkward and acting like a stupid girl with a crush,” Tyler said.
“Whaaat? That’s stupid,” she deflected.
“Nah, you totally are,” Abby said, munching on some snacks. “Of course, I assume it’s probably something else, because if it was a crush and you didn’t tell us about it I’D BREAK YOUR KNEES,” she added. Miriam laughed nervously again, feeling the pressure building.
At least Mei hadn’t noticed, it seemed-
“And you’ve been avoiding me, too,” Mei suddenly interjected. “You didn’t reply to my written notes or accompany to the bathroom or-”
“What notes? I didn’t see any notes!” Miriam replied. She spoke too loudly and with a voice too strained for it to not be obvious that she was lying.
Mei narrowed her eyes. “Are you angry at me?” She asked, picking up on it. “If it’s about yesterday’s thing about not touching me, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to snap, I was just-”
“It’s not that!” Miriam interrupted, suddenly worried Mei may think she was actually angry. “Or anything! It’s nothing, really! You’re just imagining things,” she insisted.
It was clear Mei didn’t buy it. She kept her gaze fixed on Miriam, her lips pressed, inching closer with every second. She was so close…
Thump
Quite literally unable to stop herself, Miriam looked away. She could feel the heat crawling up her neck and through her cheeks all the way to the tip of her ears. “S-stop looking like that! You’re making me uncomfortable,” Miriam tried to explain.
“Aha,” Mei finally backed off, crossing her arms. “Well if you’re not gonna tell me then I guess there’s no reason to keep talking,” she said in a clearly offended tone before letting out a small snort and walking away.
Miriam’s soul dropped to her feet. She wanted to go after Mei, but then what? It was true, she could barely look at her!
“Oh snap,” Tyler said in a low voice. “Now she is angry.”
“Can’t blame her,” Abby said. “What’s gotten into you? You do look like you’ve got-” she trailed off, her brow furrowing as the realization hit her. Her eyes suddenly widened and her jaw dropped. “OH. MY. GOD. No way. There is NO WAY,” she suddenly shouted. “You’ve got a crush on-”
Her realization was interrupted by Priya’s hand covering her mouth. “Alright, that’s enough. Let’s go back to the classroom,” she ordered.
“Well I’ve got to go to my next class so-” Tyler started to walk away before Priya also grabbed his arm and started dragging the two of them. With the stare she gave Miriam, she may as well have dragged her too.
Mei was a bit offended when neither Miriam nor her friends went after her. She probably should’ve stayed back to talk things out, but there was something… off. It didn’t feel like Miriam was angry, it just felt like she was keeping something from them, and something that made her embarrassed. Abby was right in that, if it were a crush, she’d tell them, so… What could it be?
She sighed. The break would be over soon, so she wouldn’t have a lot of time to think things through. Where had everyone else gone anyways?
Looking up, she noticed clouds had started to get closer. The forecast had spoken of a slight possibility of rain, but it was starting to look less like a ‘slight’ possibility and more like an absolute. In fact, turning her nose into that of the panda for a moment, she could even smell the ozone in the air. Rain was definitely coming.
Well, that was a pain. Her bus stop had no roof, and even if she turned into a panda, her clothes would still be wet when she turned back. None of her friends had brought an umbrella, either, so that was a pain.
Oh well, she’d figure something out later.
Her brain slowly went back to the Miriam thing. What could possibly be wrong? She was awkward in general, but it felt even worse towards Mei. Could she… have developed an allergy to the red panda? No, that was stupid, she’d been fine just a few days ago.
It was really bothersome. She didn’t want one of her best friends to act like that around her.
Maybe she was just in a bad mood because of her period? It didn’t feel like it was her time of the month for that yet. Not that she knew the cycle perfectly, but…
The bell rang, distracting her. Curses, she’d be late for the next class. She got up and ran. She’d figure it out later.
“You can’t be serious,” Tyler said, holding his head. “Really? I mean, she’s nice, but-”
“You finish that sentence, Tyler, and I will tell Lucas what you feel,” Priya threatened.
Tyler winced. “What do you mean ha ha I feel nothing for him I mean who is lucas ha ha,” he tried to play it off horribly.
Miriam sighed, dropping on a chair. “Don’t tell Mei, ok? I don’t wanna bother her over a stupid crush.”
“You should just confess,” Abby said.
“No! I wanna make sure first,” Miriam said. “What if it goes away or doesn’t work out and our relationship is ruined forever? I couldn’t take that,” she explained, biting her lip. “I will do it when I’m certain.”
“Sounds like a copout to me,” Tyler recovered from his awkwardness and shrugged. “Plus, I’d bet she’d accept you instantly. You already act like you’re dating half the time anyways.”
Miriam rolled her eyes. “Hush, you. Anyways, you guys gotta promise not to tell her.”
Priya, who had stayed silent, shrugged. The other two exchanged a few looks before shrugging too.
Abby lifted a finger. “Just for the record, I still think you should confess. And do it big! OH, I KNOW, WE COULD HELP YOU SET UP-”
“Abby,” Miriam interrupted, seeing her friend gain steam in her ideas.
“Right, sorry,” she chuckled.
The bell rang, and the group split as they had to get to their classes.
Now everyone was acting weird.
Mei wasn’t sure of what was going on. Abby and Tyler both had joined Miriam in being strange, though Priya still acted normal. Even now, as they walked out of school and towards the bus stop, with a strong wind having picked up, the three of them looked away from Mei whenever she tried to meet their eyes.
“What’s going on?” Mei asked Priya when she managed to separate her from the group for a moment.
“The crushing weight of reality is sometimes too much for fragile minds to handle,” Priya replied. While these cryptic answers weren’t wholly unusual, Mei found herself annoyed at the sudden obtuseness.
“Meaning…?”
“They’re a bunch of idiots and you shouldn’t be bothered by it. Anyways, here’s where I split, I promised to meet Jess at the theater later,” she said, once again doing a peace-out sign and walking away.
Mei turned to the other three, all of which stopped dead on their tracks and stared at her like cornered animals. “Alright, what the hell happened in that break I got away?”
“Nothing!” the tree of them replied. Miriam looked down, Abby looked to the side, and Tyler looked up and started whistling badly.
Mei found herself growing so frustrated that the panda threatened to get out. “Ugh, what is up with you guys?! Seriously. Is it like a birthday party? My birthday’s not for another three months!”
“Aight that’s about all I can handle,” Tyler was the first one to break. “I’m gonna go back and play some basketball with the boys,” he did finger guns before running away.
“COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD!” Abby suddenly screamed, chasing after him.
The two of them were out of sight after a minute and didn’t seem to be coming back.
Miriam stood there, awkwardly rubbing the tip of her foot against the sidewalk and dangling her skateboard in between her hands. She still refused to meet her eyes.
“You’re not gonna talk, are you?” Mei asked with a sign of resignation.
“I… I promise I will. Just… not right now,” she said, finally looking up with an apologetic smile. “But please, don’t think it’s your fault or that I don’t want to tell you. I promise it’s nothing serious, ok?”
Mei looked into her eyes and took a deep breath. She’d learned to control her emotions a lot better than most people over the last two years. She’d also grown pretty good at reading other people’s. And she could tell Miriam wasn’t lying. “Alright,” she accepted with some reluctance. “I’ll trust you, but only if you stop acting so awkward.”
Miriam smiled a bit more. “Alright, you’ve a deal,” she said, stepping forward. For the first time today, Mei felt comfortable near her. “Uhm… should we go fetch them?” The brunette asked, pointing in the direction Tyler and Abby had run.
Mei shook her head. “Whatever, it’d be a pain. Let’s just-”
A sudden thunder scared the hell out of both of them. They yelped and jumped in place. “The hell? That was way too close!” Miriam complained.
“It was so random! It’s not even raining,” Mei agreed. Though as soon as she said that, she felt something cold on her face. And another. And another…
“Damn it,” Miriam mumbled, looking around. “There, the closed shop,” she pointed to a closed shop with a little roof on the front. The two of them ran there and managed to get below it just in time for a sudden crashing sound as the sky seemed to fall, the rain turning from a drizzle into a downpour in ten seconds.
They stood there, shocked, for far too long. The wind sometimes threw some water on them. It was a cool day, so Mei found herself annoyed.
“What now?” she asked.
“Well, I don’t wanna get wet. I’d get sick with how cold it is,” Miriam said, sighing. “But you could probably run home and be there in a heartbeat, so don’t wait for me.”
Mei scoffed at the idea. “I’m not going to abandon you! Here, let’s step back,” she said, stepping further into the little crevice, right into the door’s nook.
“I don’t fit there,” Miriam said.
“What do you mean? Sure you do,” Mei said, grabbing her and pulling her back. They had to squeeze together to truly fit, but they did just that.
Miriam was awfully still for a while after that.
Again, wind picked up, throwing some light drizzle on them and making Mei shiver. “You cold?”
“Kinda.”
“Here,” Miriam lightly put a hand over her shoulders, pulling her closer.
Mei smiled. “You’re very warm,” she muttered, squeezing closer. Yet, she could feel Miriam tensing up. Why? They’d done this a thousand times. It was annoying her so much…
Thump
Oh, well, she said she’d speak when she was ready.
After another long silence, Mei sighed. “Doesn’t look like it’s gonna stop anytime soon. I should’ve brought an umbrella,” she said.
“Yes, you should’ve,” Miriam confirmed. “But the same goes for me,” she chuckled. It sounded a bit forced. Mei could tell she was still nervous about something.
Deciding to ignore that, she simply tried to enjoy the moment. It wasn’t often Mei got to spend time alone with any single one of her friends. This was rather nice, and after how much Miriam had tried to ignore her today, she reveled in the warmth next to her.
Looking up, she saw Miriam pointedly staring out at the rain. It was a curious view. People passed with umbrellas, cars on the street dwindled, and the world seemed to become calmer as the sound of the rain drowned the noise of the city.
Miriam was really pretty. This was something Mei had figured out a while ago, even though the girl herself didn’t seem to understand it. She was self-conscious about how wild her hair was, so she always kept it in braids and under a varied assortment of hats. Her braces were also a source of worries at times, but Mei failed to see why or how that affected her.
Of course, the emeralds she had for eyes were a big factor too. So bright and beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful eyes Mei had ever seen.
Feeling a sudden urge of strange affection, she snuggled even closer to Miriam. The girl tensed even further, but Mei pretended not to notice.
“Hey, Mei?” Miriam finally broke her silence.
“Yeah?”
“Do you like someone?”
Thump
This gave the redhead some pause. Did she? “Well, besides the obvious impossible crushes that you already know about…” she said, following with a shrug. “I don’t think so. Why?”
“Nothing, just… thinking,” Miriam let out a sigh. Mei felt her relax a bit. “What if… I did like someone?”
Thump
The comment seemed to freeze Mei. “We all have crushes, don’t we? Nothing wrong with that,” she answered. It was the correct answer. But why did it feel wrong? “Who is it?”
“Oh, it’s just a hypothetical scenario, ha ha,” Miriam mumbled, laughing nervously. The lie was so bad it was almost offensive that she’d think Mei would buy it.
“Aha,” Mei said in a monotone, making her disbelief obvious. “The others know, don’t they? Everyone but me,” she mumbled, remembering their attitudes.
Miriam picked up on her annoyance and sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m just… really embarrassed about the crush, is all. No need to get worked up about it. It’s probably nothing serious anyways, I’m sure it’ll go away by next week or whatever. The others just… figured it out on their own when you walked away and I made them promise not to tell anyone, including you.”
“I feel left out,” Mei admitted. But something inside her stirred. It didn’t quite feel like that. “I wanna know who the crush is too.”
“It’s… nothing you should concern yourself with, really,” Miriam insisted.
Something about the phrasing of that ticked Mei off. “Alright, whatever,” she said. Like earlier today, she was angry. No, even more than earlier today. Somehow, having it confirmed that it was a crush made things worse. Who could Miriam possibly have fallen for?
Thump
It pissed her off.
“Guess you can go gush about your crush with the others, I’ll just get home,” Mei announced, taking a step forward.
But she was stopped by Miriam’s arm, already around her. “No, wait, don’t…” she started, but then she trailed off letting her go. “Sorry, you’re right to be angry. You can go if you want,” she said, looking down.
The sight of her resignation, which in other situations would’ve made Mei soften up, only pissed her more. She stomped on the now wet floor with an angry foot. The motion made her tail appear. “Ugh, why are you acting like this? You’ve always told me everything! Why is this any different?”
Miriam dared look up. She looked almost scared. “It’s… complicated,” she explained, biting her lip.
Mei took a deep breath. Calm. Collected. Why was she so pissed? Miriam deserved to have her secrets. If she was embarrassed of her crush then what right did she have to know?
Rational thoughts. Logic. Miriam wasn’t doing anything worth getting angry over. She was just… Refusing to talk about a crush… On someone…
Thump
Thump
Why did the thought bother her so freaking much?
“Ah, whatever!” Mei threw her hands to the air, losing her cool. Both turned to panda paws. It had been a long while since she’d lost control like that. “Keep your stupid secret, I don’t even care if you don’t want to tell!” she shouted before turning around.
Right before she leaped off to turn into a panda, though, she felt Miriam tug at her tail. “Wait, no!” Miriam said.
Mei’s eye twitched. Her last remnant of self-control disappeared as her body turned into panda completely. Miriam was thrown against the door at the explosion of pink smoke. The little roof over their heads was blown away, and it only took a few seconds for the two of them to become drenched. “What?! You just told me I can go!”
“It- It’s not that I don’t want to tell you! It’s… I can’t!” Miriam explained, blinking against the raindrops.
“Why not?!” Mei could feel the anger flowing through her in a strange way. It was the panda, a part of her knew—it grew wilder with strong emotions. The angrier Mei got, the worse it would be.
“Because if I told you… I don’t know if we’d still be friends…” Miriam said. She was avoiding Mei’s wild gaze.
“That’s stupid! Why would you think that? It’s almost as if-”
Thump
The world came to a standstill. Mei’s anger subsided as the idea started to take form.
Thump
Miriam had closed her eyes. She pressed herself against the door and slid down to the floor, grabbing her head. She didn’t say anything, but it was clear she’d realized that Mei had realized.
Thump thump
Mei tried to turn back human, but this had somehow destabilized her more than even her anger
Thump thump thump thump
A part of her told her to run away. Another part of her was flattered and happy.
Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump
A bigger part than those two, however, made her realize the situation they were in. The cold, the rain. Her anger having disappeared, she now started to get worried for Miriam’s health. In a swift movement, she picked the brunette up with her teeth and threw her on her back, which earned her a yelp. Before Miriam could do anything other than grab on, Mei started to run.
Miriam stepped into the Mei’s bedroom after her hot shower, wearing one of Ming’s nightgowns—which was too big for her—and paused as she saw Mei sitting on her bed, back against the wall, smiling awkwardly at her.
“Alright, I called your dad,” Ming suddenly stepped into the room behind her. “You can stay here for tonight, Miriam. Dinner will be in an hour or so,” she smiled, though it felt forced. Not that Miriam blamed her, she and Mei had shown up unannounced and dripping wet.
After Ming closed the door, Miriam turned once again to Mei, trying not to think of what had happened earlier.
“You look cute in that,” Mei said.
Miriam felt her head spin and her face get hot at the compliment. “Oh yeah? It’s too big though, ha…” she trailed off, not sure of what to say.
Looking around, Miriam noticed something on the desk. A cd. To be more precise, a cd she’d gifted Mei a couple years ago. A 4-Town tour mix. She smiled at it, walking over. “You still listen to this?”
“Yeah, it’s a wonderful collection of all my favorites. It’s one of the ones I most listen to,” Mei nodded.
A small wave of nostalgia hit Miriam as she thought of that. It had been before the whole panda and red-headed Mei ordeal. Had she liked Mei back then, too? It was possible.
The redhead made a little noise that called for Miriam’s attention, and smiled at her. “Mir? Sit here,” she patted her side.
Miriam hesitated for a moment. On a whim, she placed the CD on the player Mei had on the top shelf of her desk. She wasn’t sure she should, but a quick look at Mei confirmed she didn’t seem to mind. As the first beats of ‘U Know What’s Up’ started to play, she walked over and sat next to Mei, bouncing for a moment. “Thanks for rescuing me from the rain like that,” she said, realizing she hadn’t said it before.
“Not that you would’ve needed saving if I hadn’t snapped in the first place,” Mei said, her head bobbing lightly to the rhythm of the music.
Miriam just hummed as an acknowledgement, trying hard not to let her feelings spill. Which became harder when Mei suddenly took Miriam’s hand and interweaved her fingers with hers. And it was worse when she leaned into her, putting her head on Mir’s shoulder. The smell of shampoo assaulted Miriam’s nostrils.
The song kept advancing. They enjoyed it—for a given measure of enjoyment, anyways, since Miriam could barely pay attention—In silence, until the part where Robaire started asking questions. Die-hard fans as they were, it was impossible not to follow along.
“You want those rings?”
“We wan‘em,” they said in unison.
“You want that skirt?”
“We wan’it!”
“You want that purse?”
“We wan’it!”
“You want that boy?”
Silence.
Neither of the girls continued. Miriam started to feel hot again, laughing nervously as she tugged at her shirt. “Ha ha, I’d forgotten I used the special-girls version of the song,” she spoke, feeling stupid.
This time, they didn’t continue singing along. The song passed, and the next one, and the next one, without either of them saying a single word or singing along. Not that Miriam could have managed. All of her senses were hyper-focused on Mei next to her.
“Is it true?” Mei asked in a low voice as the song changed again.
“W-what is?” Miriam tried to play innocent.
“Don’t even try that. I’m trying to give you a chance to say it for yourself. If you don’t I’ll just come out and ask.”
Miriam took a deep breath. She felt Mei’s warmth, her hand in hers, and licked her lips. Mei had figured it out, but she was still doing this, so… it was probably ok? The mere idea of saying it got her tensing up and growing nervous again.
“Are you sure you want me to? We could… Pretend none of this happened. It’s probably nothing serious, you know,” she said.
“Maybe it’s up for me to decide how seriously I take it,” Mei countered. And then, she squeezed Miriam’s hand again.
Thump
Biting her lip, Miriam gave in. “Alright, I…” she had to do it. She could trust her best friend. “I… think I…” she pressed her eyes shut, trying to muster the courage. “I think I like you.”
She stayed with her eyes shut. They started to hurt with how much strength she was using. Silence reigned over them for far too long. ‘Nobody Like U’ played in the background.
“You… think?” Mei broke it.
“I…” Miriam slowly opened her eyes to look at Mei.
Thump
“What?” Mei asked. Miriam hadn’t even realized she’d gone silent.
“I…” Staring into Mei’s eyes, she could no longer ignore how strongly she was feeling this. How had this developed so quickly?
But it hadn’t developed that quickly, had it? She’d just realized it later than she should’ve.
Thump
She’d always liked Mei. As a friend, obviously. When had that changed? When had it become more? She wasn’t too sure. Did it matter? Now, looking at her, being so close, all she could think was…
Thump thump
“I like you,” Miriam whispered. She was scared. Scared out of her mind. She couldn’t handle this.
Mei’s face slowly changed colors, turning red. A second later, her panda ears appeared. But she didn’t run or even pull away. She stayed right where she was. Looking at Miriam. Her eyes nailed on hers.
Thumpthumpthump
Mei suddenly moved up. Before Miriam could react, her lips were pressing against hers. Her surprise lasted only as long as her instincts kicked in, and she pressed back.
I’m kissing a girl.
I’m kissing Mei.
Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump
The thoughts seemed to fade into Miriam’s brain, as it was occupied solely with the soft comfort of Mei’s lips. Her chest was a drumming pandemonium of emotions, but one of them reigned over all of them: Affection.
They slowly turned their bodies towards each other. Their held hands tightened. Miriam’s free arm reached up, taking Mei by the shoulder, as Mei’s hand softly touched one of Miriam’s legs.
The kiss increased in intensity. They breathed heavily, they applied more force. Miriam felt the need to get closer to Mei, to melt into her, and she suspected the redhead felt the same. Miriam grew hotter and hotter. ‘Nobody Like U’ faded, giving way to a more upbeat song.
At one point, Miriam pressed too hard. The two of them lost their balance and, after fumbling for a second, they came to a rest.
Miriam was on top of Mei, looking down at her disheveled hair and big ears. They were red and panting. Despite not being the one who could turn into a giant red panda, something primal awoke in Miriam, and she gently tugged at Mei’s shirt. A silent request.
Mei nodded faintly.
THUMP
However, just before Miriam could pull with any meaningful strength, someone cleared his throat. The two girls froze in place, looking to the side with still hearts.
“Uhm, your mom told me to bring this to you,” Mei’s dad said in his soft voice. He was at the door with a tray of tea. He awkwardly walked in and gently set it over Mei’s desk. “I, eh…” he stood there for a second. Then reached over to the CD player and turned it off. “And also, she said the music is too loud,” he was avoiding looking at them directly. “Oh, uhm… perhaps you should lock the door next time…?”
“Ancestors’ sake Dad just leave,” Mei snapped at him. Not too loudly, though, probably to avoid her mother overhearing.
He smiled apologetically and left without saying anything else, though not before giving them a quick wink and a thumbs up. Mei got out from under Miriam and ran to the door and locked it. Her face was red like an actual tomato.
The two girls stared at each other for a moment before Mei broke into a small smile. “I, uhm, think we should slow down a bit,” she said, stiffly walking back to bed. “Both my parents are home after all, and mom will freak out if she finds the door locked.”
Miriam nodded, unable to say anything, her entire body still burning up from both excitement and embarrassment.
Mei walked back to the bed, sitting next to her.
Gathering the courage, Miriam looked at her. “Why’d you do that?”
“What? Kiss you?”
Miriam’s heart did a somersault at the lingering feeling of it. “Yeah…”
Mei shrugged. “It felt like the right thing to do. Was it wrong?”
“Of course not, I just… I was surprised.” She tried to think carefully of what to say next. She sat up straighter, scratching the back of her neck. “Does this mean you like me?”
“What do you think?” Mei said, gently nudging her.
“It sure feels like it,” Miriam smiled. “But I want to hear you say it.”
“Ugh, alright. Mir, I like you,” Mei said, though she sounded a bit annoyed she’d had to say it.
Miriam didn’t care, a massive smile taking over her face as she stared at the redhead. She surged forward, hugging her.
“I’m still pissed, though,” Mei said. “You should’ve told me.”
Miriam sighed. “I really am sorry. I didn’t…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Mei hugged her back. “Just promise me you’ll never keep something like that from me again. Especially now that we’re girlfriends.”
Thump
The word had a big effect on Miriam. “I didn’t even think of that,” she pulled back. “Can I kiss you some more?”
“Of course,” Mei said.
Miriam leaned forward, placing her lips on Mei again. She kept herself in check this time, allowing it to remain a gentle and kind kiss. It wasn’t any less enjoyable, though. As they separated again, Mei leaned back, resting on bed.
Miriam laid next to her. Mei again reached for her hand, turning to look at her. “Wanna sleep together tonight?” She asked.
“Sounds like… a bad idea,” Miriam said. She couldn’t help stare at Mei’s disheveled hair and her misplaced shirt as she said this.
Mei rolled her eyes. “We’re not so stupid to do anything,” she argued.
“You, perhaps. Right now all I want is to… hold you closer and cover you in kisses.”
Mei’s eyes went wide, and she looked a bit embarrassed at the idea. “Well, I… wouldn’t mind if you did that while I have my pajamas on…” she said in a lower tone, looking down.
Thump
Miriam’s heart couldn’t take this anymore. “Perhaps let’s not. If I do that I’m fairly certain I just won’t stop.”
Mei chuckled. “That’s oddly reassuring,” she said, getting closer and snuggling up to Miriam’s chest. “Then let’s just cuddle for a while. Even if mom suddenly opens the door it wouldn’t be too weird for us.”
“Isn’t it locked?”
“She has a key, she could open it if she wanted.”
“Ah, of course,” Miriam chuckled. She trailed off, however. “Do we… tell our parents?”
Mei cringed at the comment. “I’ve a feeling dad already suspects a thing or two,” she said.
Miriam winced. “Ugh, don’t remind me,” she took a deep breath. “I’m not sure my parents would accept it. They’re kinda…”
“Yeah, I know. But hey, they barely pay attention to you anyways, I’m sure they won’t notice,” Mei said, looking up. “I don’t think I could hide it from mom, though. I think if I talk to her about it she’ll understand.”
“Want to do it together?”
“I’m not sure you’d have a great effect on her. She still sorta doesn’t like you,” Mei admitted.
Miriam pouted. “Why not? I mean, I know I’m not a great student, but come on! I’m cool!” she complained.
Mei snuggled against her again. “Yes, you are,” she said. “I’ll try to talk with her alone at first. Not like she could stop me from seeing you even if she wanted to.”
“Uuh, I like it when you speak like a bad girl,” Miriam teased.
“Oh yeah?” Mei looked up, putting an exaggerated smug face. “Well perhaps I oughtta start bein’ a tad more punk, eh?”
Miriam couldn’t help but laugh at the silly voice she made. “I much prefer your normal self, thank you.”
They both laughed a bit before Mei suddenly sat up. “Oh no, we’re gonna have to tell the others! They’re never gonna shut up about this,” she said, grabbing her head. “And Tyler doesn’t know how to shut up.”
“Eh, he can keep a secret when he wants to. We’ll say if he slips we’ll just tell the entire school he’s into Lucas and that’ll shut him up good,” Miriam suggested.
“Feels a bit cruel,” Mei didn’t look convinced.
“Well he should learn to keep secrets! Remember when we asked him not to tell anyone about Stacy’s bad breakup and half an hour later half the school knew?”
Mei opened her mouth, but then she paused. “Ok, fair, perhaps he needs the threat.”
“Priya’s gonna be chill. Abby may pester us about it but I think that’d be ok.”
“As long as nobody else finds out, I guess…”
“Jess knows,” Miriam said.
Mei frowned. “She does?”
“Kinda. I called Priya when she was around, she… overheard, I guess. But she’s cool.”
“Oh, ok, I’m not too worried about that.”
“Then I guess we’re all set…” Miriam sighed. “Holding back at school is gonna be hard.”
“And with how bad you are at lying…” Mei said with some snark.
“Oh, shut it,” Miriam pushed her playfully. Mei dropped down again, and Miriam turned and placed a hand over her belly, staring at her and still finding it hard to believe this was happening. “Listen, I mean it when I say I’m sorry for acting awkward about this.”
Mei turned to face her, gently cupping Miriam’s cheek. “That’s ok. Earlier today I hadn’t even thought about liking you. This… well, I think it would’ve been harder to swallow for me if we didn’t already have a friend dating a girl.”
Miriam thought of Priya. Mei had a point there. “I guess we should be thanking her,” she smiled. “I’m just glad you like me back.”
“How couldn’t I? You’re so pretty and cool…” Mei scooted closer, kissing her again.
Thump
Miriam pulled her closer, and they stayed like that for a good ten seconds, enjoying each other’s warmth, until a knock at their door scared the hell out of them both. “Meimei? Dinner will be in five minutes.”
“Thanks dad, we’ll be right here,” Mei said.
They exchanged a look and smiled. “Hey, let’s kiss a lot more tonight, after your parents are asleep.”
“Alright. But nothing else, got it?” Mei said in a harsh tone.
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Miriam said solemly.
Laughing, the two of them got up and exited the room.