Work Text:
TC: BrO i Am So MoThErFuCkInG hIgH rIgHt NoW. wHaT iS uP mY mAn
TC: ThEy ArE wAtChInG mE sO mOtHeRfUcKiNg HaRd
CG: GAMZEE, WHO THE FUCK IS "THEY"? ARE YOU TRYING TO BE VAGUE AND SPOOKY THE DUMBEST CHARACTER IN A SHITTY HORROR MOVIE?
CG: THE CHARACTER WHO DIES WITHIN FIVE FUCKING MINUTES OF THE MONSTER BEING HINTED AT.
CG: AND IT'S SOME SCHLOCKY MONSTER TOO, LIKE MADE OF RUBBER AND SHIT.
CG: ARE YOU GOING TO DIE TO A RUBBER CHOMPBEAST, GAMZEE?
TC: ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg WaTcHeRs, MaN. nOt A cHoMpBeAsT iN sIgHt
CG: UNHELPFUL, DIPSHIT. I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU. LOOK AT ME. I WANT TO KEEP YOU STABLE.
CG: PRETEND YOU'RE SOPORED OUT OF YOUR MIND.
CG: OH WAIT, YOU ARE. WHAT WOULD YOUR LITTLE CIRCUS PEANUT BRAIN THINK UP?
CG: YOU'D THINK SOME PRETTY WACKY SHIT, GAMZEE. WACKIER THAN A CLOWN ON SOPOR, WHICH YOU FUCKING ARE.
CG: TELL ME, WHAT WACKY SHIT ARE YOU THINKING UP AT THIS VERY MOMENT?
TC: ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg ShAdOwS iN tHe CoRnEr, ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg EyEs ThAt SeE mE
TC: ThE mIrAcLe MeN
TC: I dOn'T kNoW wHy ThOsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs ArE hErE, bUt I'm GoNnA vIbE uNtIl SoMeThInG cHaNgEs
TC: FoR bEtTeR oR mOtHeRfUcKiNg WoRsE
CG: ALRIGHT. I'LL STAY ONLINE UNTIL YOU GO TO BED. ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS AND SHIT.
CG: IT'S LIKE I'M YOUR SHRINK. OH DOCTOR KARKAT, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
CG: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU IS THAT YOU'VE LOST YOUR MARBLES. WHERE ARE THEY, GAMZEE?
CG: I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR FUCKING MARBLES ANYWHERE. NOT UNDER THE FLOORCLOTH.
CG: NOT IN THE RECUPERACOON. NOT IN THEIR FUCKING BAG. WHERE ARE YOUR MARBLES, GAMZEE?
TC: I hAvE nO mOtHeRfUcKiNg IdEa WhErE tHoSe LiTtLe DuDeS mIgHt Be.
TC: Be My MoThErFuCkInG sHrInK, kArKaT. aSk YoUr FuNnY lItTlE qUeStIoNs :o)
CG: SO. HOW MUCH SOPOR HAVE YOU TAKEN?
CG: PIE EATING CONTEST AMOUNTS, OR JUST CRUMBS FROM THE TIN THAT USED TO HOLD A DELICIOUS PIE?
CG: MAN, THIS IS MAKING ME WANT PIE.
TC: HoW mUcH mOtHeRfUcKiNg SoPoR? mOrE tHaN i ShOuLd HaVe, DuDe, mOrE tHaN i ShOuLd HaVe.
TC: EnOuGh ThAt ThE mIrAcLe MeN aRe BeGiNnInG tO tOuCh Me, KaRkAt
TC: TeLl ThE mOtHeRfUcKeRs To StAy AwAy FrOm Me. I hAvE nOt SiNnEd. I hAvE nOt MoThErFuCkInG sInNeD.
CG: UH, MIRACLE MEN? STAY AWAY FROM GAMZEE. AND I FUCKING MEAN IT.
CG: STAY AWAY LIKE HE'S INFECTED WITH THE PLAGUE. GAMZEE HAS THE PLAGUE, EVERYONE, STAY AWAY.
CG: HE'S COUGHING HIS LUNG OUT, AND HIS SORES ARE BLEEDING, STAY AWAY.
CG: MIRACLE MEN, YOU HEAR THAT? STAY AWAY FROM MY PLAGUEY BROTHER.
TC: ThAnK yOu, KaRkAt.
TC:It'S a MoThErFuCkInG tRaGeDy.
CG: WHAT IS? YOU HAVE TO BE SPECIFIC, STUPID.
CG: YET AGAIN, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE THE DUMBEST AND MOST VAGUE CHARACTER IN A HORROR MOVIE.
CG: OOHOOH I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THAT'S YOU RIGHT NOW.
TC: If ThEy'Re HeRe, I mUsT hAvE sInNeD.
TC: ThE mIrAcLe MeN aRe HeRe To MoThErFuCkInG kIlL mE, bRoThEr. I dOn'T kNoW wHaT i DiD.
CG: CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE LOGIC BEHIND THIS? SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INSANE TO ME. HAS THE SOPOR FINALLY PUSHED YOU OVER THE EDGE?
CG: HAVE YOU FINALLY SNAPPED AND GONE CRAZY?
CG: WHERE ARE YOUR MARBLES, GAMZEE? WHERE ARE THEY? HAVE YOU EATEN THEM? ARE YOU GOING TO SHIT THEM OUT?
CG: ARE YOU GOING TO DO AN ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTE OFF OF THE SANITY HANDLE AND SHIT OUT YOUR MARBLES WHILE IN THE AIR?
TC: KaRkAt YoU gOtTa ReSpEcT tHe MiRaClE mEn
TC: No OnE mOtHeRfUcKiNg TaLkS aBoUt It BuT i KnOw ThAt ThEy Go AfTeR aNy PuRpLeBlOoD tHaT sInS.
TC: So If ThEy'Re AfTeR mE i MuSt HaVe MoThErFuCkInG sInNeD.
CG: I'M SURE YOU'RE FINE, DUDE. WHAT IF THEY CAME BY ACCIDENT?
CG: WHAT IF THEY CAME IN WITHOUT A WARRANT? IF THEY'RE THE FUCKING CLOWN COPS THAN I'M SURE THEY HAVE THE WRONG HIVE.
CG: YOU SHOULD GO TO CLOWN COURT.
TC: UnLiKeLy BuT pOsSiBlE
TC: AnD yOu CaN't JuSt AdD "cLoWn" To SoMeThInG tO mAkE iT mAkE sEnSe. HoNk.
CG: WANT TO TURN ON THE VIEWPORT SO I CAN GET A LOOK AT THOSE FUCKS?
CG: BE A A SECURITY WATCHER WITH ONE OF THOSE WIGGLY HOOTBEAST NECKS?
CG: DO A 180 WITH MY NECK LIKE I HAVE IT ALL ON ROTATE. I'LL SEE FUCKING EVERYTHING.
TC: I dOn'T sEe WhY mOtHeRfUcKiNg NoT
TC: GiVe A bRoThEr A mOmEnT
CG: ALRIGHT, THE VIEWPORT IS ON. I SEE YOU, GAMZEE. I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BEHIND YOU OR TOUCHING YOU.
CG: YOU'RE COMPLETELY ALONE, EXCEPT FOR ME OF COURSE, DWELLING LIKE SPIRIT IN YOUR PALMHUSK.
CG: I'M YOUR FUCKING GUARDIAN.
TC: MaYbE tHe ViEwPoRt DoEsN't PiCk ThOsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs Up?
CG: THAT'S A POSSIBILITY. ANOTHER POSSIBILITY IS THE FACT THAT YOUR HEAD IS FULL OF WOOLBEAST FLUFF AND YOU NEED TO GO THE FUCK TO BED.
CG: IMAGINE YOU'RE A WOOLBEAST FARMER, AND YOUR SHEEP ARE MADE OF MIRACLES AND SHADOWS AND SHIT. YOU GOTTA GET THE FLUFF OUT OF YOUR HEAD, GAM.
CG: COME ON. YOU'RE OFF THE HANDLE. I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU. MAN, IT'S LIKE YOU'RE CRAZY OR SOMETHING. OH WAIT.
TC: BrOtHeR i Am So MoThErFuCkInG fAr AwAy FrOm ThE hAnDlE. tHeRe'S lIkE a UnIvErSe BeTwEeN mE aNd ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg HaNdLe.
CG: SO YOU WON'T FREAK OUT IF I SAY YOU MIGHT BE PSYCHO? PSYCHOTIC, I MEAN. BELIEVING AND SENSING SHIT THAT'S NOT REAL.
CG: LOST YOUR MARBLES. OFF THE HANDLE. HEAD FULL OF FLUFF. THEY ALL MEAN THE SAME FUCKING THING, DUDE, AND IT'S THAT YOU'RE PSYCHOTIC.
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO PUT YOU IN A STRAIGHTJACKET OR SOME SHIT BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP BELEIVING IN THIS BULLSHIT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
TC: I mIgHt Be. BuT tHaT sTiLl DoEsN't MoThErFuCkInG sHaKe ThE fAcT tHaT tHe MiRaClE mEn ArE hErE, tOuChInG mE oN tHe ShOuLdErS, mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeCkOnInG tO mE tO gO.
TC: I'm AfRaId, BrOtHeR. i'M mOtHeRfUcKiNg TeRrIfIeD. wHaT hAvE i DoNe WrOnG?
CG: ALL YOU'VE DONE WRONG IS TAKE TOO MUCH SOPOR. YOU REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED. HOP IN THE RECUPERACOON AND GET ALL HOT AND SLIMY.
CG: IMAGINE YOU'RE BEING MADE INTO A SOUP. A SOUP MADE OF SAFETY AND SLEEP AND SLIME. ALL OF THOSE START WITH S.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE STARTS WITH S? STOP BELIEVING IN STUFF THAT'S NOT REAL.
TC: WhAt If ThEy MoThErFuCkInG tAkE mE
TC: ThEy'Re GoNnA tAkE mE iF i SlEeP, kArKaT. i CaN't Do ThAt.
CG: GAMZEE. DUDE. BROTHER. PAL. BUDDY. DEAREST ASSHOLE. YOU'RE SAFE.
CG: YOU'VE TAKEN TOO MUCH SOPOR, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY HALLUCINATING, AND YOU NEED TO GO TO BED.
CG: CATCH SOME ZZZS WITH A NET LIKE THEY'RE THE BUG LUSII OF SOMEONE YOU HATE.
CG: PUT THOSE ZZZS IN A JAR AND KEEP THEM UNTIL YOU WAKE UP. THEN RELEASE THOSE ZZZS.
CG: Y'KNOW WHAT. FINE. IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET THE RECUPERACOON, TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE MIRACLE MEN.
TC: ThE mIrAcLe MeN, aLrIgHt? ThE mIrAcLe MeN. iT's A sImPlE bInArY, a MoThErFuCkInG bInArY bEtWeEn PuRpLiCiOn AnD sIn. BeInGs Of ShAdOw AnD pLuM. hErE tO tAkE mE aWaY iNtO tHe LiMbO rEaLm. I cAn'T gIvE yOu MoRe UnHeEdEd RuMbLiNg.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN, GAMZEE.
CG: YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE JUST PUTTING RANDOM WORDS TOGETHER
CG: IT'S JUST WORDS, WORDS, BULLSHIT, MORE WORDS.
TC: LeT mE sImPlIfY iT. uHhHhHh
CG: NOT HELPING, DUDE.
TC: ClOwNs. MoThErFuCkInG kIdNaPpEr ClOwNs. TaKe YoU iF yOu SiN. tOuCh YoU sO yOu TaKe YoUrSeLf WiThOuT pAiN. oNlY tHoSe WhO wOrShIp ThE tHe MiRtHfUl MeSsIaHs FuLlY cAn SeE tHeM.
CG: SO YOU THINK YOU'VE SINNED?
CG: THINK YOU'VE BEEN A NAUGHTY LITTLE CLOWN? HAVEN'T HONKED ENOUGH?
CG: MAYBE IF YOU HONK YOU'LL BE FORGIVEN.
CG: HEH. THIS IS SO INSANE, I MIGHT BE ABSORBING IT. LOOK AT ME, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL AND WHAT'S NOT.
TC: I dOn'T tHiNk I'vE sInNeD, i KnOw I'vE sInNeD. i DoN't MoThErFuCkInG kNoW wHaT i DiD. hOnK. hOnK. hOnK. hOnK. hOnK. gOoD? :o)
CG: TELL THEM THEY CAME FOR YOU BY ACCIDENT. TELL THEM THAT YOU HAVEN'T SINNED. I BELIEVE IN YOUR PURITY, GAMZEE.
CG: YOU'RE MY LITTLE PSYCHO, DUDE. AND YOU'VE HONKED, SO THAT'S SOMETHING.
CG: LEADER OF THE HONK CHORUS. CONDUCTOR OF THE HONK ORCHESTRA. THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY TAKE YOU NOW, WITH ALL THIS HONK YOU HAVE.
TC: HaHa YeAh.
TC: I'lL tElL tHeM, kArKaT, i'Ll MoThErFuCkInG tElL tHeM.
CG: YOU NEED TO LAY OFF THE SOPOR, MAN. IT DOES THIS SHIT TO YOU.
CG: WHY DID YOU TAKE THIS MUCH, ANYWAY? WANTED TO GET EXTRA HIGH OR SOMETHING?
CG: WANTED TO CLIMB A MOUNTAIN OF SLIME TO GET TO PEAK DRUGGEDNESS?
CG: TO PLANT YOUR FLAG AND BE THE HIGHEST MOTHERFUCKER IN THE LAND?
TC: NoRmAlLy It'S nOt ThIs MoThErFuCkInG bAd, BrOtHeR
TC: BuT i ToOk ExTrA tOnIgHt BeCaUsE tHe VoIcEs WeRe GeTtInG sTrOnGeR aNd I dIdN't WaNt To HeAr ThEm.
TC: SoMeTiMeS i HaVe To. SoMeTiMeS i MoThErFuCkInG hAvE tO.
TC: BlOcKiNg ThOsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs OuT iS tHe MoSt ImPoRtAnT tHiNg I hAvE eVeR dOnE.
CG: OKAY FINE. SO THE SOPOR IS SOME SHITTY COPE.
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE GOTTEN YOURSELF NECK DEEP IN THIS. IT'S LIKE QUICKSAND, AND YOU'RE SINKING.
CG: DO THIS FOR ME, GAMZEE. TAKE YOUR PALMHUSK. LOOK THROUGH THE CAMERA AND THE MIRACLE MEN, AND SHOW ME A PICTURE OF THEM.
CG:I'LL DRAW MUSTACHES ON THEIR FACES FOR YOU.
CG: MAKE THEM LOOK SO FUCKNG STUPID. MORE STUPID THAN THE MALE PROTAGONISTS OF MOST ROMCOMS, LIKE DUDE. THEY'RE SO OBLIVIOUS, YET SO PERISTENT.
CG: BE A ROMCOM PROTAGONIST, GAM. KEEP IGNORING THEM. YOU CAN DO IT.
TC: I'lL tAkE tHe MoThErFuCkInG pIcTuRe, JuSt YoU wAtCh.
terminallyCapricious has posted an image: https://tinyurl/68153069326
CG: DUDE, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING. JUST YOU, IN YOUR ROOM. CHILLING LIKE A FROZEN FAYGO IN A COLDBOX ENTIRELY FILLED WITH FROZEN FAYGOS. FAYGOES? WHATEVER.
CG: I'LL DRAW MUSTACHES ON IT ANYWAY IF YOU WANT.
TC: I'd ApPrEcIaTe ThAt, BrOtHeR, i MoThErFuCkInG wOuLd.
carcinoGeneticist has posted an image: https://tinyurl/937502917745
CG: HERE YOU GO, YOU LITTLE BITCH.
TC: YeAh, I dOn'T sEe ThEm In PiCtUrEs. I wOnDeR wHy ThE mOtHeRfUcK tHaT cOuLd Be.
CG: BECAUSE YOU'VE GONE ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT? MORE BATSHIT THAN AN ENTIRE CAVE FULL OF BATS WHO DEDICATE THEIR ENTIRE LIVES TO SHITTING.
CG: MORE BATSHIT THAN A BAT MADE OF THE SHIT FROM THOSE BATS WHO HAS BEEN BROUGH TO LIFE PURELY TO SHIT.
TC: KaRkAt, HeLp A bRoThEr OuT.
CG: I'VE ALREADY *BEEN* HELPING YOU OUT. WHAT'S YOUR POINT. DO YOU WANT ME TO KISS YOUR THINKMEAT TO MAKE IT BETTER? GIVE IT A LITTLE SMOOCH?
TC: I'm GoInG tO gO tO bEd. If I tRuLy Am MoThErFuCkInG bAtShIt, I wIlL wAkE uP sAfE. iF i'M nOt MoThErFuCkInG bAtShIt, I wOn'T wAkE uP aT aLl. It'S a WiN-wIn.
TC: BuT i DoN't WaNt ThEm To GeT mE. iT'lL hUrT, kArKaT, iT'lL mOtHeRfUcKiNg HuRt.
CG: DUDE, I CAN'T DO MUCH ABOUT THIS EXCEPT STAY HERE IN CHAT. I'LL KEEP WATCHING YOU THROUGH THE VIEWPORT AND MAKE SURE THAT I DON'T SEE THE MIRACLE MEN. I'LL START SCREAMING REALLY LOUD IF I SEE THEM. I'M NOT SCREAMING. NO STRINGS OF AS FOLLOWED BY A SINGULAR H. YOU'LL BE OKAY.
TC: ThE mIrAcLe MeN? tHe MiRaClE mEn? SiMpLe PuRpLe BiNaRy Of SiN aNd MoThErFuCkInG eVeRyWhErE?
CG: GAMZEE, YOU'RE RAVING AGAIN. GET OUT OF YOUR CHAIR LIKE IT'S ON FIRE OR SOMETHING. FLAMES LICKING UP YOUR ASS, SINGING IT UNTIL IT'S A NICE CLOWN RUMP STEAK. DELICIOUS AND JUICY, FAT DRIPPING DOWN THE SIDES. GET UP.
TC: BuT tHeY'lL gEt Me, KaRkAt, ThEy'Ll MoThErFuCkInG gEt Me.
CG: HEY, HEY, I'M JUST DOING WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO FUCKING DO. I'M NOT HERE TO CATER TO YOUR DELUSIONS. GET OUT OF YOUR CHAIR LIKE IT'S ON FUCKING FIRE.
TC: BrEaThInG mOtHeRfUcKiNg DeEp.
TC: KeEpInG mY vIeW oN tHe PaLmHuSk. On YoU.
TC: ThAnKs FoR bEiNg A mOtHeRfUcKiNg RoCk, BrOtHeR.
TC: AlL sTaBlE aNd ShIt.
CG: GETTING IN THE RECUPERACOON, ARE YOU?
TC: MoThErFuCkInG yEaH i Am
TC:ThE mIrAcLe MeN kEeP fLaShInG iN mY vIsIoN
TC: ThEy StIlL fEeL rEaL
TC: DeSpItE tHe FaCt ThAt I'm MoSt LiKeLy MoThErFuCkInG bAtShIt
CG: CLOSE YOUR EYES, NOW, GAMZEE. I'M A FUCKING BOULDER. A LARGE BOULDER THE SIZE OF A SMALL BOULDER, I.E, THE PERFECT SIZE FOR A BOULDER. I'LL KEEP YOU STABLE.
TC: EyEs ClOsEd, BrOtHeR. i CaN't SeE yOu ThOuGh So I'm PeEkInG a LiTtLe MoThErFuCkInG bIt.
CG: CAN YOU STILL SEE THE MIRACLE MEN THOUGH YOUR EYELIDS? DANCING LIKE LITTLE JESTERS WITH TOO MUCH FAYGO IN THEIR VEINS? LIKE LITTLE SUGARY WRIGGLERS?
TC: sUrE mOtHeRfUcKiNg CaN
CG: TRY NOT TO TAKE THIS MUCH SOPOR AGAIN, ALRIGHT? GO TO BED, GAMZEE. YOU DESERVE REST. GET IN THAT RECUPERACOON LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO WAKE UP WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO WAKE UP NEXT TO SALLAE ALBRIT FROM UH, I FORGET THE TITLE. LONG AS SHIT, OF COURSE.
TC: GoOd MoThErFuCkInG nIgHt, My BoUlDeR bRoThEr
CG: GOODNIGHT, MY LITTLE PSYCHO DIPSHIT. I'LL BE HERE IF YOU NEED ME AGAIN, PROBABLY WAITING FOR YOU TO START SUCKING YOUR OWN TOES. SEE YOU TOMORROW.