Chapter Text
“Aren, hurry up! We’re gonna be late to lunch!” Kuboyasu glances up from his desk where he’s finishing his work to see Kaidou, Nendou, and Saiki standing at the door, presumably waiting for him.
“Go on ahead without me, I'll be there.” He smiles slightly, lips barely curving as he meets eyes with his friend.
“But-”
“Yeah, let’s go, runt!” Nendou grabs Kaidou, pulling him along as he struggles.
“Let go of me, you jerk! Saiki, help me! No! Nooo!” His dramatic screeches quiet as he’s dragged through the halls, probably since he doesn’t want to get in trouble. Kuboyasu chuckles from his desk, finally shoving in his last notebook and standing. He follows the path they took, briefly wondering if he should run and catch up, but then deciding against it- he’ll see them at lunch either way.
He sighs, staring at the ground as he walks. Nothing interesting has happened recently, and he’s made no progress with Kaidou. How are you even supposed to ask someone out, especially if they’re your best friend and you aren’t sure if they’re gay? Of course, he has his suspicions: the way Kaidou dresses sometimes and his obsession with that actor Mugami are both fruity, but they don’t prove anything. It could just be wishful thinking.
He’s jolted out of his thoughts by the sudden sound of footsteps and whirls around, everyone should already be at lunch or class by now. “Woah, how’d you know we were there?” Aiura asks, slightly surprised, leading Mera and Yumehara behind her. He frowns at them, brows furrowing.
“What do you want?” Usually when Aiura is here, it’s bad news, and the fact that she brought along the two others makes it even worse. She stalks closer, making a grab for his arm, which he wrenches away, stepping back.
Aiura sighs, settling for crossing her arms. She gestures to her friends. “Chiyopipi wants to ask you something.”
“Huh? Yumehara?” He’s barely talked to her one on one, though she’s nice. A little romance-obsessed, maybe. Why would she want to talk to him?
“I- um, I want to ask you something about Kaidou-kun.” She looks nervous, biting her lip and fiddling with her fingers.
“Shun?” He’s met with a nod, and his confusion intensifies. What does she want with Kaidou?
“Well I…I really like him, and I was wondering if you knew whether he likes me back? If-if he talks about me or anything? You’re his best friend so I was thinking that if anyone knew anything it’d be you…” She trails off, gulping. Kuboyasu looks angry, though she can’t fathom why.
Yumehara likes Shun? I guess the way she acts around him is kind of weird, but I never would’ve thought this! What do I tell her, he does talk about her sometimes, not really romantically, but he called her cute once. But then if they start dating, it’ll be even harder for me… This is bad.
He adopts a fake friendly tone, giving her a smile even though he feels sick. “No, I don’t think he’s said anything, sorry. He doesn’t really talk about that sort of stuff, though, you should just ask him yourself.” If she asks him, he’ll probably say no, and I won’t have to deal with her, it’s perfect!
“Oh… Okay. Thanks for your help, I’ll ask him at lunch later!” She skips off, looking happier. Wait, why is she so happy? What did I say wrong? Shit, at lunch?! The other girls follow, Aiura giving a wink before chasing after Mera, who’s full out sprinting, eager for food. That was strange… but then again, so are they. He shakes his head, they’ve just made him even more late, lunch started five minutes ago; Kaidou will be wondering where he is.
Thinking that, Kuboyasu walks faster. When he reaches the cafeteria, he swings the doors open dramatically, eyes wandering over to where he and his friends usually sit. Kaidou spots him immediately and waves, grinning. Kuboyasu smiles back, heart fluttering as he walks over. “Sorry I’m so late, I had to do somethin’.” Telling the real reason obviously isn’t the best idea, but the others don’t pry.
“It’s okay. Here, sit.” Kaidou gestures to an empty chair next to him, which Kuboyasu takes. He pulls out a plastic container with his food, he enjoys cooking and brings lunch from home occasionally, usually including something for Kaidou as well.
“I brought you some salami.”
Kaidou beams, staring at him like he’s the best person in the world. Holy shit. He’s actually the cutest thing ever. “Aren!! You didn’t have to!”
“I wanted to,” Kuboyasu replies, smiling as the boy begins stealing from his lunch with visible excitement. He’s almost forgotten what happened with the girls a few minutes ago, but not quite, and his smile drops.
“What’s wrong, transfer student?” Nendou is staring at him now, and Kuboyasu shakes his head.
“It’s nothing, don’t worry about me.” But now Kaidou’s noticed, too, and his expression morphs from happiness to concern in an instant.
“Aren? You sure? Did something happen?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Kuboyasu plasters on a fake smile, glancing at his best friend. “Promise.”
“Alright.” Kaidou still looks doubtful, but he doesn’t say anything more and goes back to eating. Kuboyasu sighs quietly, glaring as Yumehara and the other girls stand up a few tables away. Teruhashi is there, too, this time, somehow having escaped her fan club. They talk for a few moments, heads close together (except Mera, who’s devouring some food), before heading in his direction.
“Fuck,” Kuboyasu mutters, glaring at them as they get closer.
“Hm?” Kaidou somehow hears, glancing at him, and Kuboyasu shrugs. “Oh, they’re coming over here? Weird.”
The girls all push a red-faced Yumehara in front as they approach. “Chiyopipi has something she wants to say!” Aiura demands while the others giggle. Nendou and Kaidou are confused, Saiki looks annoyed, and Kuboyasu’s expression is unreadable, the shine from his glasses hiding his eyes.
“I- um, well- Kaidou-kun?” Kaidou looks surprised, blushing slightly with wide eyes. He looks more embarrassed than she does.
“Y-yeah?” He glances around nervously, eyes landing on Kuboyasu, wondering why he looks so pissed off. He elbows his friend, staring at him curiously. Kuboyasu just shrugs again, looking back at the girls.
“I-” She breaks off, spinning around to try and run. “I can’t do this!” Aiura grabs her by the shoulders, glaring intensely, while Teruhashi whispers something to her. Apparently that helped, because she turns back hesitantly a few moments later, facing the boys, and closes her eyes. “I-I like you, a lot.”
Kaidou stares at her, immediately going beet red. “Y-you d-do?” His voice is high pitched, and cracks slightly.
She takes a deep breath. “Yes. Will you go out with me?” Kaidou gapes at her, still staring.
“ I- um… I-I guess ?” He sounds unsure, posing it as a question rather than an answer, but she doesn’t care, squealing happily. Everyone else looks surprised and confused, but Yumehara is too happy to notice.
“Great! Let’s walk home together, we can go to Chisato’s cafe!”
“Wait, but I’m already hanging out with Aren…” Kaidou trails off, but he’s speaking to air- she’s already skipped off.
“Wow, chibi, never thought you’d get a girlfriend!” Nendou slaps his back and he yelps.
“OW, Nendou! D-don’t say that, she’s not my girlfriend !” he shrieks, face red with embarrassment.
The other frowns, confused. “Are you sure? It sounds like she is.”
“No, she’s not. Can we just go back to eating, I don’t want to talk about this .” He grabs a slice of salami, shoving it in his mouth as if to emphasize his point. Kuboyasu doesn’t speak, pursing his lips to hide a frown. Why did he say yes… I’m certain he doesn’t like her. Maybe I don’t know him as well as I think I do?
“Aren? I know we had plans but-” Kaidou’s familiar voice jolts the ex-delinquent out of his thoughts.
“No, no, it’s okay. You can hang out with her,” Kuboyasu replies weakly, not looking at his friend.
“Oh. Alright.” He sounds sad, and Kuboyasu immediately feels bad.
“Just for today, though.” He tries to sound more normal, smiling slightly, and Kaidou grins back.
“Yeah, of course. You’re still my best friend.” Right. Friend. Kuboyasu’s heart breaks all over again and he tries not to let it show as he holds his smile.
“Always.” Did his voice crack in the middle? It doesn’t matter, they’re still friends, no matter what. They always will be, that was a promise they’d made: sworn friends forever. He tries to focus on his food, but his appetite is gone; still, he shoves rice in his mouth and forces himself to eat it, trying to ignore how dry it tastes on his tongue.
After that, lunch is very awkward. Usually, Kaidou spends the whole time babbling about Dark Reunion, but now he’s too nervous to speak, so their conversation consists purely of Nendou. To make matters worse, Saiki keeps glancing at Kuboyasu, which is making him feel very uncomfortable- the pink haired boy never pays anyone attention. Then, suddenly he stands, pushing his chair backwards quickly. “Hey, buddy, where are you going?” Nendou chases after him, yelling. “What’s wrong?” For someone so unathletic, Saiki is very fast, Nendou thundering after him but unable to catch up, and soon they’re both gone.
“What the…” Kaidou and Kuboyasu stare after them blankly.
“That was weird.”
“Yeah, Saiki doesn’t usually do stuff like that…” Kaidou hesitates for a moment before speaking again. “Hey, are you mad at me?” Kuboyasu glances at him, surprised by the sudden question.
“Huh? No, why?”
Kaidou fiddles with the bandages around his wrist. “Well, just because of the whole Yumehara thing. We won’t get to hang out as much.” His voice is quiet, and he looks down sadly.
“Of course I’m not mad at you, you’re allowed to hang out with other people.” I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at her. Kuboyasu makes sure to keep his tone gentle and caring, though, and devoid of anger. He places a hand on his friend’s shoulder when Kaidou still looks doubtful, looking into his eyes and wishing it could be a hug instead. “Seriously. We’ll still have plenty of time together, and if not, we’ll find a way to make it up.”
“Okay,” Kaidou whispers.
Kuboyasu blinks at him, confused. “What is it?” His friend is biting his lip anxiously, staring at his hands like he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t speak, shaking his head. Kuboyasu squeezes his shoulder lightly, getting his attention. “Shun?”
“I just… I don’t like her like that … I-I was surprised and I couldn’t say no around so many people. I don’t want this, how do relationships even work?” His tone is angry and confused. “I don’t even like her that much, I-I’d rather hang out with you! But now I can’t back out and I don’t want to ruin our friendship or make things awkward.
“I mean, yeah, I guess she’s cute, but I don’t want to date her. But now I don’t have a choice, I’m stuck with this and I just don’t know what to do !” He buries his face in his arms, slumping over the table; he sounds angry, but it’s weak, and seems to be the only thing preventing utter hopelessness. Kuboyasu tries to hide his surprise, hesitating for a few moments while they sit in silence. I was right. Then he hears a small sniffle.
“Shun? Are you crying?”
“ N-no !” His voice is high pitched and strained- he’s definitely crying. He takes a deep breath before speaking again, wiping his eyes, and his voice is steadier. “I’m fine.”
Kuboyasu sighs, he’s not good at comforting people, and even though he’s used to Kaidou’s sensitivity, hearing him cry is always hard. “How can I help?” The other doesn’t respond, taking deep breaths. “You know you can always talk to me, Shun. That was really unfair of her to peer pressure you like that. Why don’t we get out of here for a bit, maybe the quiet will help you a bit.” He stands, and Kaidou silently does the same, staying close and brushing shoulders as they try to discreetly leave. It doesn’t work.
“Kaidou-kun! Where are you guys going?” Yumehara’s high-pitched voice sounds from behind them, excitement clear. They both whirl around, surprised.
“O-oh, we- we’re just going to… um - ” Kaidou stutters, clearly nervous, and turns away from her to try and hide his wet eyes. Kuboyasu takes a step closer to him, slinging an arm around him and leaning on him, pulling him close and overcome with a strange possessiveness. Ugh, she pisses me off! He ignores Kaidou’s surprised gasp and curious stare.
“We’re goin’ to find Saiki and Nendou, they left earlier.” His rage is only barely masked, but she’s not paying attention enough to discern it.
“Oh! Can I walk with you?” Both boys are against the idea, but grudgingly agree. She skips along happily, not seeming to notice Kaidou’s downward cast eyes or Kuboyasu’s murderous glare and angrily working jaw as he lets go of his friend. How can someone be so clueless?
Then she surprises both of them even more, taking Kaidou’s hand awkwardly in her own, blushing furiously and looking away. He gapes at her blankly, beet red- his mom probably taught him that holding hands before marriage is forbidden. Kuboyasu mutters curses under his breath as she pulls Kaidou away from him, and soon he feels like a third wheel as they chat, the conversation slowly growing more energetic. It seems like Kaidou actually enjoys her company now.
Kuboyasu’s strides are longer than normal as he tries to leave the couple behind him, staring at the ground with gritted teeth and balled up fists in his pockets as they walk through the halls, calling their friend’s names out occasionally. I guess Shun does like her? Why is he happy now? His heart shatters each time he catches sight of Kaidou’s bandaged hand in Yumehara’s, and he can barely contain his rage. He plans on marrying Kaidou one day, and some schoolgirl with a dumb crush who barely knows him will not stop that.
“Aren, why don’t we go check the bathroom? Yumehara, you stay here, we’ll be right back.” Kuboyasu looks up at the sound of his friend’s voice, seeing Kaidou gently remove his hand from the girl’s grip. He follows reluctantly, observing Kaidou’s expression: equally confused and happy, blushing red. Kuboyasu doesn’t look at Yumehara, though he hears a soft, happy sigh behind them before the door closes.
“You don’t actually think they’re in here, do you?” Kaidou looks at him, shaking his head, a smile playing at his lips.
“No. I think I had the wrong idea at first, it’s not actually that bad! It’s kind of nice. I mean, i-it was a little awkward when she held my hand like that but it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was kinda nice, I’ve never held hands with anyone before. Also, her hand is actually really soft, and she was being gentle and really nice! And she’s not ugly or anything… I think I could be okay with this, it’s nice.”
“Oh.” Kuboyasu stares at the ground. Everything he’d thought before: all of the small hopes he’d been barely holding onto, obsessing over, are suddenly gone, just like that. Kaidou keeps babbling about how nice it is, even though they’ve been dating (or whatever their relationship status is) for, what, ten minutes? Not even. Surely he’s just acting like this since it’s his first time being in a relationship? People can be easily blinded simply by getting attention, after all. I’d treat you better than she ever could.
More glad for anger management than ever (he’d begun taking it to pass as a goodie-goodie, totally not because the school got concerned about his temper and recommended it), Kuboyasu is able to hide his true feelings and focus for a moment. “That’s great, Shun! I’m happy for you.” The words taste bitter on his tongue and he prays he sounds genuine, wincing slightly.
But apparently he does because Kaidou grins at him, eyes shining. Despite his anger, Kuboyasu feels his heart flutter at the sight, Kaidou being happy makes him happy; he smiles back, and it doesn’t feel quite as fake as his words. Their eyes meet and he feels his face heat up slightly before Kaidou looks away, still smiling; perfectly normal, no sign of him being flustered. “We should go back now.”
The eye contact didn’t affect him at all like it did Kuboyasu, and it’s painfully obvious he doesn’t feel the same way. Kuboyasu nods, sighing when the boy turns away to open the door and meets Yumehara with a rather chipper tone, telling her they weren’t in there. This time, he takes her hand in his, and they walk together, closer than ever with equally intense blushes. Neither notice their friend dragging further and further behind before he finally turns around, walking away as quickly as he can before they notice his disappearance.
He throws the door to the empty bathroom they were just in open, taking off his glasses and glaring at himself in the mirror. Someone he barely recognizes stares back: a boy with neat purple hair parted flawlessly through the middle and a perfect uniform zipped up almost to his chin. The only thing he likes is that his hair is longer than it used to be since he let it grow out after Kaidou convinced him when he’d complained about it enough.
It’s been a few years since he’s changed his appearance after leaving gang life behind, but sometimes he has to take a look at himself and wonder whether this was the right path to take.Of course, he knows it was; he doesn’t regret anything, it’s just that life was so much easier when all his problems could be solved with fists. Aren Kuboyasu, the tough gang leader, doesn’t cry, but he left that life behind: he doesn’t feel like that person- isn’t him- at least not anymore. He’s just some kid with a dumb gay crush on his best friend who obviously doesn’t feel the same way. His eyes burn, throat tightening up- an unfamiliar feeling, but he still recognizes it. He refuses to let the tears fall, though, dropping his head.
Pull yourself together! Real men don’t cry. He takes a shaky breath, squeezing his eyes shut and wrapping his arms around the back of his neck. Normally he’d get mad over this sort of thing, he gets mad over everything, but the utter hopelessness of the situation is overcoming him. Being a goodie-goodie has made him soft, the old him would find a way to win Kaidou over easily, even without relationship experience, and never cried, even both times he got shot, but he’s not the same person anymore.
Taking a deep breath, he lifts his head, looking back at his reflection. His eyes are wet, and a few tears streak his cheeks, but he’s fine. I’m always fine. It’s alright. He laughs, an empty sound with no feeling, no emotion, and turns the sink on. Water runs and for a moment he stares at it blankly before shoving his head in. He doesn’t care about whether it ruins his flawlessly styled hair, it’s fake anyways. Just like me… No, I’m not fake, I’m trying to be better, I’m trying. It’s hard. Trying to be nicer, to not let anger consume him over every slight mishap, to care for people. Like Shun. I care for him. Freezing cold water runs down his face and he grits his teeth at the temperature, but it helps clear his thoughts.
Then he stands up straight a few moments later, rubbing an arm over his face to dry it, not caring if his sleeve gets wet. I need to get out of here. He grabs his glasses, placing them on his face. Running a hand through his hair, he carefully parts it; it didn’t end up getting wet, somehow. After a few moments, the image of a perfectly organized, neat student is restored, and he leaves the restroom much calmer than before. Just looking better makes him feel better.
Thankfully, the walk back to the cafeteria is uneventful- he doesn’t encounter anyone, which is amazing, given his recent luck. The trouble comes when he opens the door. See, the doors to the cafeteria only have one window high up, which a certain someone is too short to be seen through, and Kuboyasu wasn’t paying attention, lost in thought. He opens the door, colliding with Kaidou and practically knocking him over. In a half-second maneuver, however, he manages to catch the boy as he’s falling. “Hey, watch out, jer- Oh, Aren! I was looking for you, you disappeared!”
Kuboyasu doesn’t respond, hyper aware of how close they are. His arms are wrapped around Kaidou’s waist, holding him close to his chest; he studies the boy, dark violet eyes scanning over pale, blushing skin and soft pink lips. They’ve never been this close before, not like this. He stares down at Kaidou, eyes lingering on his lips. They’re slightly chapped and curved into a surprised but beautiful smile. God, Shun… He lets out a slight breath, smiling back nervously and hoping his blush isn’t too visible. “Sorry.”
“Kuboyasu-kun! There you are, we were looking all over for you!” His fantasy shatters the moment he hears that voice. Kaidou squirms out of his arms a second later, not noticing how that small action just ruined his friend. Kuboyasu looks at the ground, feeling his heart drop at the same time his blood begins boiling; sadness and anger, mixing to make him feel desperate in some way.
“Oh, hey. Sorry about that, I went to the bathroom.” His tone is much duller than he intended, and kind of blunt, but it’s better than anger, and she doesn’t react. Technically he did go to the bathroom, so it wasn’t a lie.
“Why didn’t you tell us? We were worried about you.” Yumehara nods as Kaidou whines, and Kuboyasu is flooded with bitterness and jealousy, anger clouding his vision. He’s never had to share Kaidou with anyone like this- they’ve been best friends forever, and now all of a sudden he’s obsessed with her? He obviously doesn’t care about me, and she sure as hell doesn’t, either! I’m gonna fucking…
“Well, sorry, you were too lost in each other's eyes and I didn’t wanna ruin your moment,” he retorts, muscles tensing with rage. He looms over them, glaring down. Both of their faces are filled with genuine terror and they flinch away, Yumehara grabbing Kaidou’s arm and leaning into him. Kuboyasu’s fiery glare seeks her out and she freezes, trembling; tears begin to pool in her amber eyes after a few seconds of eye contact.
“ Aren! S-stop… ” Kaidou’s voice is shaking with fear and he’s much paler than usual, but he still stands up for Yumehara, pushing her behind him. He stares up at Kuboyasu with wide eyes as the boy leans down, thrusting his face close enough to where he can feel every one of Kaidou’s shallow, accelerated breaths on his cheek. They’re so close, it’d be easy, so easy to kiss him. He considers it, he really does- but would it be worth it? Their friendship would most likely permanently be ruined and he’d still have to see Kaidou everyday, and lose all his other friends, so obviously it’s not worth it, but he still genuinely considers it for longer than he’d ever admit.
They only stand like that for a few moments, Kaidou probably wondering why Kuboyasu is just staring at him, at his lips, but it feels longer, more like an eternity. Finally, Kaidou begins to cautiously step back, holding his breath as Kuboyasu’s eyes follow him, but the purple haired boy doesn’t speak or move a muscle other than standing up straight again and crossing his arms over his chest. Slowly, slowly Kaidou grabs Yumehara’s wrist and they move back together, sort of like how someone would react if a bear was staring at him, not his best friend.
Kuboyasu’s mind is reeling. What was I thinking ? Almost kissing him, in front of his girlfriend? In front of the whole cafeteria? Because people were definitely staring, they still are; he tries his best to ignore them and to focus on the situation at hand. He’s used to speaking his mind impulsively, so it’s not surprising that he let his true feelings slip, but he still hates himself for it. So much for anger management. Yeah, that really helped. How scared Kaidou looked, how scared he looks now- that’s genuine fear, of him. They’re best friends, and yet the boy is scared of him. It hurts more than he’d like to admit. His anger hasn’t cooled down, though; if anything it’s gotten worse- a fire building inside him, growing larger by the second.
How does he get out of this situation? What does he do, apologize? He can’t do that, not when he’s feeling like this, it wouldn’t be sincere at all and they’d probably hate him more! They’re getting further and further away, yet he can’t speak, scared of saying something he’ll regret. A knot forms in his throat as he meets Kaidou’s gaze, the boy has silent tears rolling down his face as Yumehara leads him away. His eyes are full of sadness, confusion, and fear. This is my fault. I fucked up, everything’s ruined now.
“Shun, I…I didn’t mean that…” his voice cracks and he takes a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“Leave him alone!” Yumehara yells, tears streaking her face. “He doesn’t want you.” He doesn’t want me? Kuboyasu looks at his friend for a moment and knows the answer. Kaidou is staring at the ground numbly, shaking while silent tears stream down. “Just…Go! Leave us alone!”
He walks to the table he was eating at, where his school bag is. His lunch is still out, mostly eaten, and there’s a single slice of salami left over. When he returns to the cafeteria doors, he whispers a soft, “I’m sorry, Shun,” not sure whether or not Kaidou can hear it; he doesn’t show any sign that he did, though. Kuboyasu feels many pairs of eyes on him, one intense and angry, another sad and confused, but both are betrayed; the rest are from the people just trying to eat their lunch who managed to get caught up watching this.
His feet drag as he walks through the halls, but he doesn’t cry. He merely stares blankly, unable to think of anything except the fact that he probably just lost his best friend in the world, one of his only friends. He sighs, throwing a door open and stepping into daylight, beginning the walk. Only, he doesn’t walk; he takes off in a full-on sprint, trying to outrun his thoughts and the idea that Kaidou’s gone.
The wind whistles in his ears, the cold biting as it numbs his entire body, but he doesn’t stop. Shun… A shaky breath wracks his body and he speeds up, not really paying attention to reality, focused on quieting his thoughts. He doesn’t even stop for a car, only hoping he doesn’t get hit as he sprints across the street, although maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he did.
His breaths turn lighter and measured as he begins getting used to the speed- he hasn’t run like this in a while, it’s peaceful in a strange way. Just him alone, the wind roaring in his ears and blowing his hair out of his face, his long strides eating up ground. It’s like nothing exists at this moment, and he can almost believe it.
He finally slows, realizing the familiarity of this place; he certainly didn’t mean to come here, but maybe it’s okay? This is where he comes for comfort, where he feels truly safe, even though a tent in the woods is very obviously not safe.
Pushing past a few trees, he moves deeper into the woods and sees it: their secret base. It feels strange coming here without Kaidou, and when he enters, extremely lonely. He stays, though, sitting on the couch trying to catch his breath; the distance wasn’t anything he’s not used to, but usually he doesn’t sprint like that.
The heat from the exercise is leaving his body pretty quickly, and there’s only a small battery-powered heater- which he turns on- to combat the cold. Why did I even come here? What if Shun comes over and finds me? Does he ever come over here by himself? He loves this place, so I wouldn’t be surprised… He shakes his head roughly, trying to ignore the feeling of his heart dropping at the thought of Kaidou.
Grabbing a few blankets and a pillow, he sets up a place to sleep. It’s only a little past noon, but he feels exhausted, and his thoughts are too much to bear right now. Splaying out on the ground, he sets his glasses down and relaxes his entire body, closing his eyes. It doesn’t take long before he drifts off to sleep.