Work Text:
Mikey had bad nights often. It wasn’t much of a surprise to Draken that Mikey had these bad nights, but it would never not be heartbreaking to watch. He didn’t like being vulnerable, almost like he didn’t allow himself to be vulnerable and Draken just hated that. He hated watching Mikey completely break down in his arms, bawling and breaking for the first time in months only to completely disengage the next morning and act like nothing at all had happened.
That, unfortunately, happened to be exactly what was going on right now.
The night before had been one of Mikey’s bad nights. Neither of them could have told you why, it was just a day where the world hurt a little more than normal. Mikey missed his big brother a little more than normal and the grieving that would never really end got a little harder. Draken could tell something was wrong all day, he always could and the moment they had gotten back into Mikey’s room (unfortunately for the mood of the night, Shinichiro’s old room), Mikey had collapsed into his arms and just sobbed.
I miss him.
It’s not fucking fair, Ken-chin.
Draken never wanted to die more than he did in that moment, watching Mikey completely fall apart, triggered by absolutely nothing. He was just in so much pain and Draken would have done anything he could to take that away from him. God, why did Mikey, of all people, have to suffer so goddamn much? But there was nothing he could do, but hold the boy he loved so fucking much in his arms and let him cry it out, whispering occasional words of, ‘I know,’ ‘I love you,’ ‘It’s going to be okay,’ despite knowing that nothing would help now.
The next morning, Draken was caught off guard when he woke up cold, the covers practically thrown off of the bed beside him. It took him a moment to remember that he shouldn’t be cold right now because he fell asleep with Mikey cradled, quite literally cradled , in his arms last night, so where was the little shithead now? It took him another moment to register that Mikey was still there, he just wasn’t in bed right now. This was a little bit strange, because Mikey was the absolute last person to be considered a ‘morning person,’ and yet every single time Draken saw him cry, you could bet he’d be the first person up, finding something to occupy him that wasn’t his feelings. He saw vulnerability as a burden, both to himself and to Draken, who he continued to insist he loved too much to put this on. And Draken could continue to insist that he wanted whatever ‘burden’ Mikey laid on him because he loved him too much to let him suffer in silence.
Draken grunted, signaling he was awake and turning to where Mikey was sitting at his desk, yawning loudly and rubbing his eyes. He was going to start by testing the waters a little bit, see just how much coaxing he’d need to do today. “Mmm, come back. I’m cold,” he murmured, sleep still clear in his voice, his cheek still pressed against the pillow. No response. This was the usual, exactly what Draken was expecting. “Baby, c’mon. What’re you doing?”
Mikey’s shoulders tensed at the pet name, his breath catching, finally causing him to turn around. He looked at Draken with dead eyes that never hesitated to terrify him no matter how many times he saw them and ran a hand through his hair,leaning back against the chair. “Cleaning.”
“Bullshit.” Draken knew Mikey better than most people and because of that, he knew Mikey was probably one of the least organized people he’d ever met. Frantically avoiding last night, despite knowing Draken would never bring it up unprompted, was what he was actually doing. As usual, it was fucking heartbreaking. “It’s early. C’mere.”
In retrospect, it really wasn’t all that early. But it was for Mikey, who never woke up before the clock struck noon. Mikey, who wouldn’t have ever showed up at school a day in his life if Draken wasn’t there to wake him up.
“I’m busy,” was the only response Mikey bothered giving before turning around again, back to what he was doing before, but it really seemed to consist of mostly vacant stares at his desk. Finding excuses, finding reasons to withdraw. Draken understood. He just sighed. This was going to be difficult, wasn’t it?
“Mikey, just talk to me. Please.” He tried his hardest for it to not come off like a beg, sitting up and leaning against the headboard, arms crossed and head back. No response. As expected. It took him a moment to try to figure out what to say, not sure how to go about this. Mikey was always hard to get through too when he was like this and Draken knew it was because of pure self-conditioning that would take forever and plenty of moral support to unlearn. And he hadn’t even started to try to unlearn it yet. But Draken was trying to help him get there.
“I am talking to you,” Mikey deadpanned. The little bitch.
“You know what I mean.” Draken rubbed his temples with closed eyes. This was going to be quite a bit of work. “Just c’mere, babe.”
“Not now, Ken-chin, I’m not in the fucking mood.” Draken had learned to not be bothered by Mikey’s moods with time. It was no use to get pissed off, that would just start a fight and both of them were too stubborn to let anything go. Neither of them wanted to fight, Mikey just wanted to forget about his feelings and Draken just wanted the boy he loved so much to feel a little better about his life. But of course, leave it to the two of them to get in an argument and ignore each other for a week because they just loved each other too much.
So instead of starting the argument that he really hoped wasn’t inevitable, Draken just stood up and made his way to where Mikey was sitting, starting with just hands on his shoulders.
“Ken-chin, I said not--” but Draken just hushed him and started softly rubbing his shoulders, feeling Mikey suck in a sharp breath. He lowered himself to Mikey’s level and moved his arms to wrap around his waist.
“C’mon,” Draken said, pressing his fingers protectively against Mikey’s waist. He couldn’t tell if this was an all too great idea, but he could either deal with Mikey’s stupid, pigheaded stubbornness now or not get to sleep in the same bed for at least a week until Mikey realized he was too touch-starved to stay mad. “You know it’s okay to open up sometimes, right?” murmured Draken softly, feeling Mikey suddenly tense. This was a conversation he didn’t want to have, but one that he needed to have if anything was going to ever be accomplished. “You’re gonna be okay. I’ll make sure of that.” Mikey’s breath was shaky against Draken’s chest and Draken pressed the softest, chaste kiss onto the back of his neck that seemed to be all he needed to finally relax in Draken’s arms.
No response. As expected, he was a little overwhelmed. After an agonizing minute, he finally, finally , leaned into Draken’s arms and sucked in another breath, as if he was biting back a bitchy response, but knew better than to ruin the moment right now. He needed this.
“I love you, Mikey. Okay?” Draken whispered, his breath hot against Mikey’s ear, feeling soft, blonde hair tickle his lips. Mikey’s breath caught again and he bit his lip, looking as if he was willing himself not to break down again.
“...yeah.” It was the best he could get now and Draken was happy with that. He knew Mikey loved him, he said it every single day, but right now things were a little too dark to reach in and find the proper response. And Draken understood.
“I just--I want to be someone you feel like you don’t have to just… dissociate with when you feel shitty. I’m trying to be someone you don’t feel like you have to hide around,” murmured Draken, a finger finding its way into a messy bedhead, twirling a strand at the back of Mikey’s head between his fingers. “I want you to feel okay opening up around me.”
“Mmhmm,” Mikey choked out and Draken could tell that if he let himself say anything more, he’d burst into tears. The mood was fragile and Mikey just needed to be loved right now. Being the only person Mikey cried around was a start. Now they just needed to work towards whatever it was that came after crying. Mikey gasped softly when he opened his mouth, then cringed like he hadn’t been expecting it. “I-I love you too. Ken-chin. I’m sorry.”
Draken smiled, a soft kiss pressed onto the soft skin under Mikey’s ear. Progress. “It’s okay. I want you to get better. And you are.” A bitter laugh from Mikey at that and Draken just squeezed him a little tighter. “It’s true. You’re fucking incredible.”
“Shut up,” Mikey murmured with a laugh, taking Draken’s wrist from around his waist and pressing it to his lips. Everything was finally lightening up a bit and Draken was happy with where today was ending up.
“You are! I’m being serious,” said Draken, who’s smile grew hearing Mikey’s laugh grow. Mikey finally turned around to face Draken, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth that Draken just smiled into, feeling the mood grow more solemn again as Mikey pressed his forehead onto Draken’s shoulder.
“Don’t leave, okay?” he whispered as Draken’s fingers carded through his thick, bleach blonde hair. As if he ever had to ask. Even if he didn’t ask in the first place, Draken would have stayed here for at least a week or however long it took for Mikey’s old self to start to resurface again, making sure he ate, making sure he showered, making sure he got out of bed more than once a fucking day. Draken was the only person who wasn’t terrified of dealing with this Mikey, the only person who knew how to weasel his way under the cracks and get him to speak at all, let alone tell him he loved him.
“I’ll be right here, Mikey,” Draken said quietly. Being in love with Mikey was hard, Draken would admit that. Mikey was messy, both physically and emotionally. He was codependent and needy but he had every right after losing so much. But being in love with Mikey was also the single best thing Draken had ever felt. No matter who asked him, he was so painfully in love and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it. This boy was his angel on Earth, no matter how crazy things got or how many shitty things he did. They made each other happy. Mikey made Draken feel good and Draken made Mikey feel something. It was their little pact, what they did for each other. And Draken would do whatever it took to make it last.