Work Text:
The door was open, but Olivia knocked to get his attention. When Rafael looked up she asked, “Hey, got a second?”
“Yes, come in,” he said, shoving files into his briefcase, but otherwise looking more relaxed than she had seen him those past few days.
The corners of Olivia’s mouth tried to come up with a smile. “Homework?”
“Yes.” He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. “You know what, maybe I should just become a judge, what do you think? The hours are better and all I have to do is sit there, looking mighty.”
Though she didn’t feel like joking around, she said, “With a robe covering your suits…”
Rafael responded with a horrified face, “Good point.”
If she looked as tense as she felt, he didn’t notice and went back to picking files off his desk. When his briefcase closed with a snap, he looked at her, as neutral as usual, “You wanted something?”
“I did. I need to ask you a question.”
He grimaced, expecting the worse. “If its about the case, I’d really rather go through the weekend without bad news.”
“No, it’s of a…” She chose her words with caution. “It’s more of a personal matter.”
That didn’t seem to worry him. “Okay. Are you going to collect some favors?”
“No, I’m here to ask if you have feelings for me.”
When it left her mouth, Olivia thought that maybe she should have brought up the subject with more tact because Rafael just stared at her for a second or two, trying to fully understand what she just said.
But then he shook his head and said “Okay” slowly, also making sure to chose the right words so he wouldn't be giving himself away. “Not that I am confirming anything. And not that I am denying anything. But why… exactly… would you think I have…” he made quotes with his index fingers “…’feelings’ for you?”
Now that he had time to process the thought, Rafael didn’t look particularly surprised. ADAs are good at being caught off guard and pretending that was their plan all along.
Olivia looked down and swayed from one leg to the other. She hoped Rafael wouldn’t mistake her discomfort for offense or anger when in fact all she wanted was to make things clear.
She said, “Earlier in Court, when Michaels was giving his testimony, he was saying how much he loved Lisa, and how hard it is to love someone who does not love you back.”
“Right.”
“That’s when you turned around and looked at me. You stared right into my eyes.”
Rafael almost laughed, relieved. “Olivia, I look at you all the time when I’m in Court.”
Olivia nodded, “Yes, that was my second clue.”
He went quiet.
“You do this, you do other little things too,” she continued. “I didn’t realize at the time, but now that I look back there were a few other occasions that…” she shrugged. “Just feels like it happens too often to be just my imagination. Besides, Cassidy hates you, so-“
"Right," he said, tapping his fingers on the briefcase, studying the case. He wasn’t blushed or trying to hide from her eyes, but he was clearly uncomfortable.
When there was no reply, Olivia continued, “I’m sorry for bringing it up, but I thought, we are both grown ups.”
“Yes.”
“I think we are more than able to deal with these things out in the open, rather than just letting things boil down until it gets uncomfortable.”
“Yes.”
“And, honestly, I’m afraid I might be doing something that maybe made you think-“
“God, no!” he said, raising a hand to get her attention, but she didn’t care for it.
“… think that I feel the same, or maybe I am leading you on. So I should set the record straight-“
“This is nothing to do with you-“
“… or maybe apologize.”
“Olivia, this is not because of something you did, this is nothing to do with you,” he said, very firm. “This is me. Okay?”
“Okay,” she replied, and she believed him.
“This is me being inappropriate, and it’s not because of anything you did.”
She nodded again, “Okay.”
He thought about it and went on, “If I have to be completely honest, I find you a very interesting woman.”
“Thank you. That is very flattering,” she said, but her heart wasn’t into it.
“But.”
“But I am with Cassidy now.”
“And we work together,” he added.
“And I just do not feel the same way you do.”
Maybe it would have been less humiliating for him if Olivia had left that part out of the conversation, but making it clear made her feel better.
“Yes,” Rafael sighed. “There is also that.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, you were right,” Rafael said, though his confidence had been taken down a notch. “Any longer things could have gotten uncomfortable. It’s bad for work. It’s bad for everybody.”
“I hope this doesn’t mean we can’t work together anymore.”
“Olivia, please,” he said, shaking his head. “As you said, we are grown ups. And this isn’t high school. Seeing you won’t be an issue. Hasn’t been for the past- it hasn’t been for a while.”
She tried not to wonder how long.
“Good.”
His fingers tapped the briefcase some more while he pondered on the subject.
“I do think I’ll avoid being alone with you in the same room for a while. While I unbruise my ego.”
She gave him a small smile. “Fair enough.” And eyed the door. “Well, I think I’ll get going.”
“Yes, I’ll…” Rafael eyed his desk. Found nothing to be done. “I’ll pretend to do something as to give you a ten minutes advantage.”
“What a true gentleman.”
Rafael tried to give her a reassuring smile, just to let her know everything was fine with them. It didn’t make it to his lips. But Olivia was out of the room fast enough for that to go unnoticed.