Work Text:
I don't feel strange, it's more like haunted
Another moment trapped in time
I can't quite put my finger on it
But it's like a child that was left behind
___
Anya knew Twilight had a lot of identities in his work. She didn't know all of them, she also doubted he could keep track of this.
She knew that every mask of him had a life of their own. Their own habits, professions, feelings. And he could walk around their quirks so easily, changing lives just like he changed clothes. He never made mistakes on them, either. A waiter won't have the music taste of a mayor, nor the Westalian accent when he's Ostanian.
If Twilight could do it, she could as well. She had been doing it since she was a child easily. To change homes, to change surnames and forget absolutely everything that happened until then. How was it any different from when Twilight sent her to her current boarding school? It wasn't. Marianne Heiden was very different from Anya Forger. They weren't related in any way; besides, maybe, their shared nickname. Different tastes, different stories, different families and friends. So Anya, as Marianne Heiden, had no business with Anya Forger's acquaintances.
Until the moment she had.
Her summer break had started three weeks ago, with her and Twilight on the work of finding out the whereabouts of Yor Briar, while also spending some quality time between father and daughter (which felt very awkward if she wanted to be frank, but Twilight did his best).
They found themselves at a museum in the northernmost part of Westalis, when Twilight was called through codes to a last minute mission. Of course he wasn't okay with this. Even if Anya was very eager to kick some bad guy's ass, Twilight wasn't having any of it. So as Anya waited looking at some classic sculptures, he went to the informant to say a big and clear "No".
Anya didn't accept it nicely, looking at the art pieces annoyedly as if they were the reason she couldn't help in the mission. What was Twilight thinking, anyway? She was just going to watch. If she managed to use a gun it'd be way more than she expected, but not unwelcome. She could actually make Twilight's job easy as hell only reading the guy's mind and-
"Excuse me, are you Anya Forger?"
She froze at the surname. It's been a long time she heard it. She shouldn't have reacted to it. She should have played dumb, pretended to not know the language, anything. Instead, she turned around with clear surprise in her eyes to whoever called her.
It was a boy, some good inches taller than her. Dark wavy hair, thick eyelashes, uniform from some school she didn't recognize, but his face somehow rang a bell even after all the years and the clear aging.
Damian Desmond. The guy whose father her father had to kill to achieve world peace.
And for some unholy reason he remembered her.
It really is her, she heard Damian thinking. The hair gave it away.
Anya swallowed dry. The hair? Why the hell would someone remember her hair color? God, from all the people at Eden, why did it have to be Damian?
Why can't Anya Forger keep being a name from the past?
"That's not my name." She blurted out before turning on her heels and walking away.
What?! No way!, Damian thought.
"Wait!" Damian called out trying to catch up with her, even if she walked rather fast for such a short girl. "You are Anya Forger. You remember me, right? We went to Eden Academy together."
Anya felt her cheeks burn at how Damian was sure she was his former classmate. The problem was he was right. But no one was supposed to remember or talk about Anya Forger. She was just a memory and should stay like that. Things could get really troublesome if one looked into her history.
"I don't know you, so please leave me alone." She said still walking fastly, looking around in search of an exit.
She then felt a hand grabbing her arm.
"Stop being weird, damn it!" Damian complained with clear annoyance and a bit hurt in his eyes. He said with a frown. "I... I just wanted to say 'Hi', okay? It may mean nothing to you since you transferred without saying 'goodbye' to anyone, but I still wanted to do it."
Anya could feel her heart speeding, just as words got stuck in her throat, so many things she wanted to say but couldn't.
I wanted to say goodbye.
I didn't want to leave.
I miss my classmates.
I'm sorry if I worried you.
I'm sorry about your father.
I'm sorry for not being Anya Forger.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Anya kept standing there, gaping like a dumb fish as Damian waited for an answer, anything at all, that confirmed he wasn't going insane in thinking that girl was his young classmate from all those years ago. A girl whose memory was clear in his head only because she disappeared the same year his father died.
She didn't have to say anything, as a taller shadow towered over them both and pulled Damian's hand away with a little more force than necessary.
"Stay away from her." Twilight's tone was ice cold, just like his stare to the stranger that clearly was making Anya uncomfortable.
Damian meant to talk back, but he also recognized the man as the kind and polite doctor that once went to retrieve a plushie at their school.
"Mr. Forger?" Damian asked, but there was no visible reaction at all. "I didn't mean harm, I just wanted to say 'Hi' to Anya. We studied together at Eden..."
Twilight then recognized who exactly was the boy, which promptly gave him a headache, but not enough to break the farce.
Behind him, Anya held his arm tightly and he still couldn't look at her. Worse than all, he had no idea what those two were talking about until his arrival and how to play his part without making this a bigger mess.
He decided to trust his gut feeling saying that Anya knew too well the rules ingrained on her since she left Berlint.
"I don't know who you are." He said curtly, turning around with a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Let's go, Marianne."
They walked away on quick steps and this time Damian didn't follow, far too shocked and confused at what he heard to even try look for answers. Did he call her Marianne?
Was that really not Anya Forger?
___
"I should've pretended better." Anya muttered as they still made way to the car. "I'm sorry..."
"It's okay, Anya." Twilight said patting his clothes for the keys, his other hand still refusing to let her go.
"He recognized me." She kept going, still not fully grasping how much of a mess she was at hiding her identity. "He talked about school, about how I left out of nowhere and I... I was so surprised."
"It's really not a problem, Anya." Twilight said sincerely, looking at her in the eyes. She still looked so ashamed, so disappointed but still so pained by whatever emotions that encounter brought to her.
They reached the car, the older going to the driver's seat and Anya to the passenger's. He didn't start the engines yet. They needed to talk.
"Anya..."
"I'm not Anya." She closed her eyes tightly, as if the word hurt her ears. "I'm... I'm Mari-"
"For me and your mother, you are Anya." He said firmly and yet softer. "That was Desmond's son back there, right?"
She nodded, covering her face with her hands.
"I never said I was Anya Forger. But he just insisted." She said frustrated. "I never imagined I would bump into someone from Eden again... To think someone actually remembered me..."
Twilight smiled a little at that.
"You're not much of a forgettable child, Anya." He could add that she was also the girl who punched Desmond in the face, but that went without mentioning.
"Papa..." Anya let go of her usual walls and Twilight held a breath at the familiar calling. "How do you do this so easily? To bury a part of your past so deeply it can never haunt you again?"
The man pressed his lips on a thin line. Anya still looked down, but not at him. He knew that all he decided to think beforehand could be heard by her, so there was no reason to try to make something more meaningful.
How Twilight kept hiding his past, his multiple lives, without confusing his heart and mind?
"It's not as easy as you make it sound. And I don't do it as often, either." He said naturally.
Anya blinked in atonishment and turned back to him.
"What?" She asked dumbfounded. "You're an spy. You have a new name, a new lifestyle everyday, how..."
"It's one thing to throw away an identity whose relationships mean nothing to you." He shrugged. "That's definitely easy. You have no commitments, nothing tying you to that name to make you regret leaving it behind." He watched her confused reactions for a moment. "It was different when I gave up my real first name. It was painful, it was hard, I may have made mistakes once or twice while getting used to it. That's because it reminded me of a time with people and places I cherished. So it was the only time I had to really let go of my past."
"The only time?" Anya echoed skeptical.
"Yes." He smiled half-heartedly now. "I was supposed to do it a second time, but I failed miserably."
"Oh." That picked her interest. "What happened?"
"I failed to forget you and your mother." He admitted, watching as she raised her eyebrows at the confession. "It checked all the boxes, no? To give up a name, a life, the people you learned to love. In the end I couldn't do it. And that's how we ended up here."
Anya thought quietly about those words, Twilight almost expecting her to tell him it sounded lame and embarrassing.
"...Are we a burden to you?" She asked. "Since you have to deal with things you were long supposed to forget?"
"Never." He said touching her hair. "You're actually the reason I still keep going. Because even if it made a mess of our family, it's the way I found to not let go of you."
Twilight knew from experience that Anya never accepted how things were done and honestly, he couldn't blame her. He still hoped that with her power she saw he was telling the truth, from his side. Maybe one day he would look back and think about a better solution, another path to take so the three of them weren't hurt by such longing. It still was the best he could've done, not as the almost perfect Agent Twilight, but the surely desperate father and husband Loid Forger.
The two found themselves in an awkward silence, until Twilight decided he wanted to make it even more awkward.
"Come here." He said with slightly open arms, which was quite hard in the stuffy Trabant they called a car.
Anya rolled eyes at that because, again, it was awkward enough to hug your estranged father, even more when they didn't have proper space. But she knew Twilight was becoming softhearted as the years went by and she should be just a little more kind and patient, so she gave in on the hug.
"I would never want you to get hurt by hiding your true self." He whispered against her hair. "Still, I'm proud of you for trying. It's such a difficult task and you do it perfectly. I just ask you to wait patiently, until I can find a better way to keep you safe."
"Humpf." Anya looked up with a frown. "I can take care of myself!"
"Sure." Twilight grinned. They ended the hug and the man finally started the car. "Then explain me how Desmond had his face intact after grabbing your arm."
"Did you want me to punch him in front of everyone?!" She complained. "Talk about discretion!"
"You already did it once, I don't see the problem." He said unfazed as he started to drive so they could continue their journey. "Let's settle this rule now: if you feel threatened, you react. Punches, kicks, headbutts, it doesn't matter. We deal with the aftermath later, but I refuse to see you in any kind of danger ever again."
"Can I have a gun, then?"
"Anya..."