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The first thing Pheonix thought when he noticed it was “Huh, I’ve really changed, haven’t I?”.
The situation that prompted that thought wasn’t especially extraordinary, which wasn’t surprising considering that this particular change had been something that had, in fact, happened many years ago. You see, he and Miles (”but only outside of court”) were sitting together in a fine restaurant of Miles’ choosing.
It was a habit they had started to develop during his disbarment when Miles had flown him and Trucy out to Europe to work on the jurist trial system. The process had taken a lot of time, and most of it was spent making his back pain even worse by leaning over old tomes. But they had also used a not insignificant amount of their time to discuss and debate every possible issue that might arise and well, Europe’s typical long dinners at restaurants were perfect for that.
After Miles came back they just picked that habit up again, at first to discuss what else they could do to improve the current legal system, but gradually they started talking about anything and everything.
It was nice.
For one, they were both long past the point where they had to keep their masks on around each other. But maybe even more importantly, they were equals. Pheonix truly loved his daughter and his employees, but in the end, he was still responsible for them and they were still much younger than him. The same, only to an even greater extent, was true for Miles, who was forced to be more professional around his own employees and who didn’t have a daughter to come home to every evening.
With each other on the hand they could simply be without having to check themselves even subconsciously. If Pheonix had to describe it, he probably would have said that when he was with his daughter, he was home, and when he was with Miles, he was cozy.
Which brought him back to the current situation: He and Miles had just finished their main course (lasagna for Pheonix and something unpronounceable for Miles) and were now waiting for their desserts.
He had felt comfortably full and had let his gaze wander. It so happened to fall on the lit candle on their table, and just like when he had first spotted it sitting down at the beginning of the evening, he hadn’t thought anything about it. But after simply resting his gaze on it for an undeterminable amount of time he had noticed something:
“Hey Miles? You realize that this is very romantic, don’t you?”
At that, Miles returned from his own ruminations to look at Pheonix with what counted as a dumbfounded look for him.
“Pardon? I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what you’re referring to.”
“Well,” Pheonix pointed at their surroundings, “we’re currently sitting in a fancy restaurant, at a table for two. At a candlelit table. We had a very nice meal and were talking animatedly with each other the whole time.”
“Hold it! But doesn’t that alone disprove your argument? We were merely talking, not staring into each other’s eyes or holding hands or whatever else is considered normal behavior at a date.” Miles had slightly risen his voice at the beginning, but his tone had become more dismissive towards the end of his argument.
“Objection! That doesn’t make the situation any less romantic though. Our actions might not fit the situation, but there are plenty of possible explanations. Not everyone feels comfortable with openly displaying actions of affection, so we could just be in the early stages of our relationship or I could just be mindful of your boundaries or whatever.”
That last statement prompted a rather strong reaction from Miles, to Pheonix’s surprise. Miles recoiled noticeably and even grabbed his elbow with his other hand, a reflex that had become very rare in the last years. But he at least managed to look at Pheonix when responding:
“I, I’m not sure how to phrase this, Wright. I thought you were aware that I’m…that I don’t…” At the end he sounded equal parts desperate and nervous. It was the kind of tone Pheonix normally ever heard him use when asking for comfort after an earthquake. It was quite upsetting, to say the least.
“Miles, Miles, try to relax, please. Whatever it is, I’m not going to judge you for it or be disappointed or anything.”
The sound Miles made at that was a rather strangled laugh, the one you make when you’re too shocked and skeptical to simply raise an eyebrow.
“You shouldn’t promise things like that when you don’t know what someone’s going to say. There’s no way you won’t be disappointed, not when I have to reject you.”
“Reject me? What do you mean?” Honestly, Pheonix was just very confused at this point. Unfortunately, Miles misunderstood his question quite a bit.
“I can’t be in a relationship with you. I’m sorry and I really hope that this won’t irreparably destroy our friendship, but it’s impossible for me.”
Pheonix wanted to interrupt, but Miles was talking too quickly, seemingly just wanting to get it out.
“I’m aromantic. And asexual too, but that’s not so important right now. I’m not just attracted to very few or only under very specific circumstances, I simply have no desire whatsoever to pursue a romantic relationship with anyone. Never had, and never will. I know you’re different and that you will feel some sort of dejection and maybe even resentment toward me because of that, but I can’t change it. I really can’t.”
At this point Miles’ last bit of courage seemed to have left him, as he finally gave in and looked to the ground while holding his elbow in a death grip.
For a moment, Pheonix only sat there, processing what he had just heard. Then he leaned over the table and gently removed Miles’ fingers from his arm. He was aware that holding his hand right now might make it even worse, but he had never been able to watch Miles hurting himself.
“I’m truly sorry. I shouldn’t have phrased it like that or I should have been clearer. I never intended to ask you out on a date.”
At that, Miles’ head shot up and he opened his mouth to say something.
“Please, first let me finish. I can explain.”
Miles nodded with a completely unreadable expression. Pheonix tried to smile reassuringly at him.
“It was just a thought that suddenly entered my head. I saw the candle and went ‘oh, that’s really romantic’ and then started considering the other aspects of our current situation. But honestly, the first thing I thought about after that was how much I’d changed from the idiot I was at college. I’m sure you still remember that my obsession with romance was… unhealthy to put it lightly.”
Pheonix’ smile turned ruefully at that, he didn’t particularly like thinking about the way he had behaved during that time and about how it all had ended abruptly. But it wasn’t like he had to go into the messy details right now.
“But after all that had happened I just… stopped. I didn’t think about it for a long time, I only had to confront it once I adopted Trucy and she started asking about a new “Mommy”. I never really explained it to her, but that simply isn’t something I want anymore, no matter the person. Maybe I got all of the romance out of my system during college, who knows?”
Despite the attempt at humor Miles’ face remained largely unreadable. Although Pheonix thought that he saw the beginnings of hope in Miles’ eyes.
“In any case, while I’m not completely like you seeing as I think that there might be a possibility that I want to enter a relationship with someone in the future, I too really can’t see me doing so at the moment. Maybe once Trucy leaves for college, but right now the platonic relationships I have are more than just enough. And the one I have with you is one of the most important ones. I care about you a great deal, just not in that way.
So, to sum it up: I get it and I really just pointed out the romantic atmosphere because I thought it’d be funny”.
He smiled bashfully at Miles, who, in turn, had started to relax throughout Pheonix’s speech. For a moment Miles closed his eyes and then let out a low chuckle.
“Well, if you put it like that, I might have overreacted a bit. And I concur, from the outside the points you mentioned are probably far from the only things that could be considered romantic about our relationship. It really is quite a bit ridiculous.”
“Glad to hear. But do you know what is even more ridiculous?” Miles just raised an eyebrow at his mischievous smile.
“That we still haven’t gotten our desserts!”