Chapter Text
“Dream?”
Dream perks up as he hears George say his name. They’ve been sitting in easy silence for the last few minutes while George worked on some code. Dream could be editing but it’s late so he’s just been occupying himself on his phone, trying to stay more or less quiet so George can concentrate.
“Yeah?” he asks, maybe a touch too eagerly.
A moment of quiet and then… Dream sees his discord window start to load and suddenly George is before him.
Dream takes him in all at once. His hair is a bit messier than usual. His hoodie, one of his pink ones, shows just a hint of collarbones and his cheeks are flushed. His shoulders paint a tense line. He’s not smiling.
His eyes flick up to the camera, looking directly into Dream’s, and Dream feels his breath catch in his chest.
“Camera on?” he questions. “Should I… Do you want me to turn mine on too?”
“You don’t have to. If you don’t want to.” Dream can hear the faintest tremor in George’s voice. His heart clenches as he sees George try to give the camera a smile that immediately falters.
Dream doesn’t usually like to have his face on camera, even for George, but today feels different. Clearly this is something important to George, something that’s making him nervous and keeping him from joking around and making him turn his camera on.
And it seems like it’s something about Dream.
Dream flicks his camera on. His room is almost too dark for the camera to pick up his face but eventually it adjusts, displaying his features lit up a sickly blue from the computer screen.
“Thanks,” George breathes. His eyes scan Dream’s face before he takes a deep inhale and runs a hand through his hair. “So I… I don’t really know how to say this. Well, I mean I do— I have— I… Let me start over. I haven’t done this through video before I guess.”
“Done what through video before?”
George huffs out a laugh. “Uh, confessed, I guess. I’m just going to say it. I’m just going to say it.” George repeats, the second time seemingly to himself. He meets Dream’s eyes, as much as he can through a screen. “Dream, I like you. Romantically.”
Dream’s heart drops to his stomach. There’s a moment or two of terrible, gut-wrenching silence. George stares at Dream, waiting.
Dream feels it crawl up his throat, the thick, tight, hot feeling of warning. But he can’t stop it.
Tears start to pour down his cheeks. George must see them start to glisten because his face immediately falls. His voice is smaller than Dream has ever heard before as he asks, “Dream?”
Dream claps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry, sorry,” he chokes out between his fingers, not even sure if the mic picks it up. But he sees his sound spike for sure when a sob escapes him.
“No, I’m sorry. I— I shouldn’t have—” He sees George shield his eyes with his forearm. He hasn’t seen George cry many times but every time he has, he’s seen him do this, seen him hide away the tears that shine in his eyes as much as he can. “I ruined it, didn’t I? Fuck.” George mutters. “I ruined it.”
“You didn’t ruin anything, George.” Dream swallows around the lump in his throat. He tries to breathe but every exhale is smothered in his cries. He tries to explain. “I… I want to say yes.”
George peeks out from behind his arm. He just watches Dream, the question and anguish clear in his gaze. But he doesn’t outright ask.
And Dream doesn’t know how to say it.
How to say that he knows he loves George.
How to say that he loves George and he’s also waiting on someone else.
He’s been waiting almost his whole life. He’s been waiting since the first type 1 2 3, waiting since he cried to his best friend when he was beaten to the ground by his classes in school, waiting since the first time he saw the other boy’s face over a grainy video call. He’s been waiting for him since the day he invited him to move in, and when he finally did move in, the waiting and wanting and hoping only got that much worse. He doesn’t know why he’s held onto that hope for so long.
Because the reality is that Sapnap is never going to be with him. He’s never going to come home to kisses, or to Sapnap’s gravely voice calling him baby, or to flowers and chocolates or any other kind of romantic gift, because Sapnap doesn’t love him like that and he never will.
Somewhere along the way he fell for George and as soon as he recognized the feeling, it felt like a betrayal.
It felt like a betrayal in the same way this feels like giving up. If he says yes, he’s giving up on the dream he’s had since he was a kid, that somehow, someway, he and Sapnap would end up together. Dream has always had a hard time giving up.
Isn’t this for the best though? He and George could be happy together. George would move in eventually, like they always planned, and as much as it pains Dream to think about, Sapnap will eventually want to move out. He’ll date someone who isn’t Dream, move in with them, marry them.
As selfish as it is, Dream needs someone to be there for him when that happens. At least he can say he isn’t settling. Getting to be with George isn’t settling, he knows that. It’s the giving up that’s getting to him.
“Can we—” Dream winces as he hears his own voice scratch out of his throat. He pushes through anyway. This is for the best, he repeats to himself. This is for the best. “Can we take it slow?”
“Of course,” George answers immediately, his words barely a breath. “As slow as you want. I— I don’t even have to come to America if it’s too soon. I can wait. Whatever you need.”
A fresh wave of tears wells in Dream’s eyes as he remembers that he already bought plane tickets for George, scheduled for just a week from now. He was so excited. He still is but he never thought George finally coming, the three of them finally being together, would be stained with loss.
“Course I still want you to come, Georgie,” Dream whispers. “Just… slow, please?”
“Of course,” George repeats, gentler this time.
Dream takes a shaky breath that he’s sure George can hear through his mic. His arms hug around his ribs as he tries to settle himself. He feels like he should apologize but he doesn’t know how to without explaining himself. He doesn’t know how George would take an honest explanation.
“Why now?” he asks, peeking up to look at George’s face.
He has always been too scared to lose either of them to even think about acting on his feelings. He had resigned himself to never confessing, not heartbroken but heartsick for the rest of his life. Him and George actually being together (they’re together now, right? dating?) rattles him to his core.
“I just needed to do it before coming to America. I didn’t think that I could be there and have you not know.”
“And what about Sapnap?” slips from Dream’s lips.
George tenses. His gaze skitters away. “What about him?”
“Are we… are we going to tell him?”
“Do you want to tell him?”
“I…” Dream’s heart is pulled in two directions. He doesn’t know what he wants.
“Is this part of going slow for you? Not telling people? It’s okay, I just need to know.”
Hesitantly, Dream nods. “For now,” he murmurs. And he tries not to let the disappointment on George’s face sting him.