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lay your weary head to rest

Summary:

Ozai had two daughters. This statement is false.

Or, Zuko is trans. I'm actually just projecting at this point.

Notes:

this gained a life of it's own. it was only supposed to be like. less than 1k words. now its 3.5k and i wrote it all in the span of 3 or so hours

as per usual, no beta (i also didnt proofread it so theres almost definitely mistakes)

Work Text:

Ozai had two daughters. This statement is false.


She looked into the mirror. Her body looked wrong. It didn’t fit. Too many curves in all the wrong places, her chest too large.

She didn’t know why she felt like this. It was a near-constant feeling and it made her miserable. She couldn’t stand it.

If she tried hard enough, she could almost get her chest to look flat. That felt..right.

*

Her hair was too long. She didn’t know why but it felt wrong and bad and gross. It just wasn’t right for her. So she grabbed the scissors, and started chopping it off.

It was messy and choppy, but it felt right for it to be short.

Father wasn’t pleased when he saw. He punished her as he saw fit. That was the first and last time she cut her hair.

*

He figured it out. He’s a boy. Even if his body isn’t right or truly his, he was a boy and he always had been.

After he figured that out, it got harder to look at his reflection. Too feminine, too soft, why did he have to be born like this.

His name..was Zuko. It felt right. He thought it fit him.

*

Zuko was crying. It was late, and he was tucked under the blankets in his bed. His chest was too large, and he couldn’t hide it no matter how hard he tried. If only he could just get rid of them, or make them flat like he used to with too-tight layers of shirts.

An idea formed. Zuko took a shuddering breath, quietly standing and trying to find the bandages he kept in his room. Once he found them, he stood and began wrapping them around his chest, as tight as he could.

In the mirror, his chest was finally flat. He smiled, shakily wiping his eyes.

*

He fell asleep with the bandages on, and he woke up with his ribs aching and it was hard to breathe, why couldn’t he breathe-

Zuko scrambled out of the bed, spots dancing across his vision as he took off his shirt and removed the bandages as fast as he could. There was bruising and indents along his chest and ribs, and each breath hurt. So the bandages weren’t a permanent solution. Maybe if he only used them sometimes, he’d be okay. He just couldn’t sleep in them or wear them too long.

*

Zuko told Mother, Father, and Azula that he was a boy, and that his name was Zuko. Mother tried, she did. But it felt like she only saw him as her daughter, and not her son. She slipped up sometimes, said the name that wasn’t truly his, called him her daughter or a girl. It hurt, and he was angry, but he felt so guilty. Maybe if he was just born normal, he wouldn’t be angry at Mother for calling him the wrong name. It wasn’t fair to her, was it? He’d just told her out of nowhere, after she’d experienced so many years with two daughters, not a daughter and a son.

Father wasn’t very happy. It felt like he was weaponizing it to get Zuko to do what he wanted.

(“Boys don’t cry, Zuko.” He spat his name like it was something foul, disgusting, and wrong.)

(“If you want to be a boy so bad, face your punishments like a man.” Pain, burning, bruises, it stung and it hurt so bad, but Father was right, he had to face this head-on.)

(Father scoffed. “You’re no man. You’re just a confused little girl. You’ll learn soon enough.” That. That hurt. For Father to just deny what he was. Maybe..maybe he was right. Maybe Zuko wasn’t Zuko. Maybe he wasn’t a boy. Maybe he really was just confused.)

Azula was better. Even if she was cruel, even if she set his pets on fire and threw rocks at the turtle-duck pond. She still called him her brother, and she used his name. Even if she did make stupid nicknames like “Zuzu”, she didn’t call him a girl and just confused.

*

When he was thirteen, he spoke out of turn. He disrespected Father. Zuko was punished for his disrespect and cowardice.

He had to find the Avatar.

*

Uncle didn’t know. He still called him niece. If Uncle didn’t know, neither did the crew.

“Good morning, niece.” Uncle greeted him as he stepped out of his cabin.

“I’m not your niece,” he growled.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m— I’m not a girl. I’m a boy, and my name is Zuko, not-”

He was cut off when Uncle interrupted, pulling him into a tight hug. Uncle smelled like tea, and he felt warm and safe. “I am so proud of you for telling me, my dear nephew.”

Zuko shuddered, falling into the hug and refusing to allow his watery eyes to spill over. He would not cry.

The Prince cried, from relief and joy, for one of the first times in his life.

*

Zuko told the crew. They accepted it. Accepted him. He was their Prince, not their Princess.

*

The next time they stopped at a port, Uncle took him to get a proper tool that could flatten his chest, instead of the bandages he’s been using for years.

He had received a lecture from his Uncle about safety when he found out, as he could have caused severe damage to his ribs. (It’s a miracle he hadn’t.)

It fit well. It was tight, and mildly uncomfortable, but it was better than the pain and bruising of the bandages. Zuko looked at himself in a mirror, and he felt right. His chest was flat, and his body finally felt like it belonged to him.

*

Three years into his banishment, Zuko found the Avatar. He was twelve. He should have been over a hundred years old, a master of all four elements, but he was a child, and an airbender. The last airbender.

But he still escaped. He still destroyed his ship, harmed his crew. Zuko won’t let this stop him. He will catch the Avatar, and he will go home and regain his honor.

*

Zhao took his crew, and blew up his ship in a futile attempt to assassinate him.

After the siege, Zuko and his Uncle were stuck on a raft for over a week. He didn’t think they were going to make it.

Since they’re now officially marked as traitors of the Fire Nation and the Fire Lord, they couldn’t return. Zuko couldn’t have returned in the first place, not without the Avatar. They cut off their topknots, sending them down the river to watch them drift away.

*

It was hard, when he didn’t have his ship or any money. Zuko had been forced to resort to thievery. He felt awful, but he needed to at least keep Uncle alive. He doesn’t know what he’d do without him.

He left Uncle.

*

Zuko found the Avatar again, without even meaning to. He also found Azula, and Mai and Ty Lee. He was screwed.

*

Uncle was here now, too.

*

Uncle was hurt, and he didn’t know what to do. He had sent the Avatar and his companions away (Stupid stupid stupid, the waterbender can heal for Agni’s sake. It was unlikely she’d help, but there was a chance and his Uncle could’ve been at least somewhat better by now.) and he didn’t have any burn cream on him.

Luckily, he did have bandages. It won’t fix it by any means, but at least it’s better than nothing. He prayed to Agni that his Uncle would be alright, that he wouldn’t have to suffer through an infection.

*

They made it to Ba Sing Se. The Avatar was in Ba Sing Se, and his bison was missing.

*

He found the bison. Uncle was there, asking him who he was and what he wanted.

Zuko didn’t know. His swords slashed into the bison’s chains, the strength he added using his chi forcing the chains to snap.

He had just freed the Avatar’s bison.

A mask, painted in blues and whites with a wide grin splitting across its face, sunk to the bottom of a lake.

*

Everything was too warm but it was cold, too, and Zuko was so confused. There were dragons, why were there dragons, they were extinct-

And then there were flames, rushing towards his face. He shouted, recoiling back in fear and surprise. The dragons came back, twisting around a throne (That Zuko was sitting in, why was he in a throne?) and speaking to him. The blue one had Azula’s voice, and the red one had Uncle’s. He was so confused, and scared, and he just couldn’t anymore.

Zuko snapped awake, gasping and shuddering through his panic. Uncle was there.

*

They were invited to make tea for the Earth King.

 

*

Azula was in Ba Sing Se. Azula was in Ba Sing Se.

*

He was stuck in the catacombs with the Avatar’s waterbending teacher. She was hostile. He understood why.

At least Uncle got away.

The waterbender said the Fire Nation had taken her mother away from her. He said they were the same.

She asked him to explain. And he did. She wanted to heal his scar, with the spirit water she had from the North Pole.

Zuko wouldn’t let her. The spirit water should be saved for someone more important than him.

*

Uncle and the Avatar had found them. The Avatar pulled the waterbender away to save the rest of the gang.

Azula showed up. She said he could gain his honor back, that he could earn Father’s love. But..if Father’s love was punishments and going back to hiding himself, to being a girl again, did he really need it, or even want it?

Azula left, probably planning to defeat the Avatar and his companions. Zuko followed.

*

He had to make a choice. Return to his Father, regain his honor, and earn his love? Or forever be known as a traitor to his nation, as the Prince who helped the Avatar.

He struck.

Azula shouted her rage to the world.

Uncle surrendered.

*

The Avatar was dead. Azula had struck him with lightning while he was in the Avatar state. There would be no coming back. It was over.

The waterbender still had the spirit water. She took her trembling hands, maneuvering the water over the lightning wound. It started glowing. The Avatar inhaled sharply, breathing once again. The Avatar was back. Zuko was glad he hadn’t allowed her to heal his scar. It probably wouldn’t have worked, spirit water or not. It was years old.

*

They had escaped. They made it to Chameleon Bay. The Earth King left to travel the world with his...bear? Not even a platypus-bear? Just..a bear? Strange. Really strange.

The Water Tribe kids’ father was here. Zuko...didn’t have a good track record with fathers.

After the invasion plans were settled, he was bombarded with questions. It was too much. It felt like the walls were closing in, his vision was blurring, and he couldn’t breathe-

The earthbender spoke. “Uh, guys? I think he’s gon-”

Zuko didn’t hear the rest. He had already collapsed, blacking out.

*

He woke up on a Fire Nation ship. It wasn’t the Wani.

Zuko panicked, shooting out of the bed. (Which was really more like a cot.) His mind was fuzzy and it was hard to focus, his body feeling oddly warm, even though he was shivering. He probably had another fever, for some reason. He decided to ignore it and sneak onto deck so he could potentially see some landmarks, if they were anywhere near land.

Well, that’s what he would’ve done if he wasn’t interrupted by a soldier in Fire Nation armor. He tried to steady his breathing, shooting out flames from his fist. The soldier shot back, and Zuko was about to attack and then make a run for it when another soldier had managed to sneak up on him and restrain him. (Zuko blames the fever he was running. Again. Why did he have so many fevers?) He tried to send heat into his hands and arms, but the soldier either didn’t care or didn’t feel it.

Fuck.

*

The soldier was Chief Hakoda. Katara and Sokka’s father. And he had just attacked him.

Double fuck.

*

It turns out, the Chief wasn’t mad. Which was..odd, to say the least. Shouldn’t he be upset? Shouldn’t Zuko have been punished by now?

Apparently, they had also stolen a Fire Nation ship, in order to get into Fire Nation waters without suspicion. For the invasion. The invasion that Zuko forgot about. Even though he was right there when it was being discussed.

*

The Avatar woke up. He ran.

*

The invasion failed.

*

They were at the Western Air Temple. Chief Hakoda was gone, and so was the Kyoshi Warrior, (Suki?) and more of the invasion fleet. Zuko was panicking. He was stuck on the side of a cliff with a bunch of people he chased around for months, with no way out. They could just throw him off the ledge right now, and nobody would care. He’s a traitor to his nation, after all.

Sokka was bombarding him with questions. Again. Katara (and Toph, for some reason?) managed to fend him off by explaining that he helped in the catacombs. Sokka huffed, walking away and grumbling something about the Fire Nation.

*

The Avatar wanted Zuko to teach him how to firebend. He wanted Zuko to teach him how to firebend so he could take down his father.

He’s entirely willing, but there is one major issue. He’s lost his fire, and he doesn’t know why. Toph tells them she learnt from the badgermoles, so he should find the original source of firebending. Which are the dragons, that are extinct. So he set off with Aang to the ancient Sun Warriors ruins.

It didn’t go as expected. The Sun Warriors are alive, and so are the dragons. Said dragons gave him one of their eggs. He doesn’t even know why, but apparently it’s going to hatch soon.

Zuko doesn’t know if he can take care of a baby dragon, to be entirely honest.

*

The egg hatches. A small, red dragon crawls out, blinking up at Zuko, chirping and cooing. One of its whiskers touches Zuko’s hand, and the dragon asks him..a question. Using its whisker. Parent-caretaker-safe?

To be entirely honest, it took him a while to figure out what it meant, but once he did, Zuko tried his best to communicate to the dragon that he would take care of it and keep it safe. It chittered, crawling up his arm and curling around his shoulders.

It needed a name, didn’t it? Druk..Druk sounded good.

*

Sokka wanted to free Chief Hakoda from prison. From The Boiling Rock.

This was going to be a nightmare.

*

It was.

*

Zuko’s anxiety has been running at an all-time high since Chief Hakoda arrived.

The Chief seems to be following him everywhere and he doesn’t know why. is he trying to figure out if he’s useful or not? Trustworthy? Zuko will understand if he’s deemed untrustworthy, but he’d rather Hakoda get it over with already. Not knowing what’s going to happen is freaking him out.

*

“Hey, Sparky, your heartbeat’s going crazy.” Toph. Aang’s earthbending teacher.

“My- my heartbeat?” Zuko startled, jostling the dragon hatchling on his shoulder. (Druk hissed grumpily. He was comfy and his safe-parent-caretaker just moved him. At least he was warm. Druk liked when his safe-parent-caretaker was warm.)

“Yeah, dude. I see with my feet using earthbending, so I can feel your heartbeat. Your heart’s always strangely fast, but it’s been buzzing like a bumblepede ever since the prison break. Why?”

“Oh, um. No reason, really. I’m fine.”

Toph raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “I can tell when you’re lying, Sparky. But I won’t push if you really don’t want to talk about it.”

Zuko thinks his heart just slowed down considerably. The earthbender probably noticed, too, judging from her expression.

The Chief approached him, once, during his morning bending katas.

“Prince Zuko.”

He jumped, turning quickly. “Oh, uh, hello, sir.”

“You don’t have to call me sir, Prince Zuko.”

“I’m..not a prince anymore. Uhm, did you need me for anything?”

The Chief placed a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. He just barely managed to stop the flinch.

“I wanted to thank you, son. For protecting my kids, and breaking me out of prison.”

 

“Uh, you’re welcome, sir?”

Chief Hakoda just smiled (it seemed kind of sad) and walked towards his kids.

*

Azula attacked. Hakoda was gone, again. Katara and Sokka weren't taking it well.

They had to flee the temple. Aang..wasn’t okay. Zuko tried his best to comfort the boy, but he just didn’t know how. Sometimes, he just sat with Aang, trying to be a comforting presence. The first time he did it, Zuko got bowled over into a hug, which was probably a good sign. Druk even tried to comfort everyone, scuttling around camp and picking up pretty rocks he found, giving them to the others.

*

Agni’s light was caressing the world once again, nudging Zuko awake with Their energy. He blinked open, yawned, and stretched out as much as he could.

As he was about to put his binder on, Sokka barged in to tell Zuko about..something. The firebender flushed bright red, absolutely mortified. Thankfully, he managed to cover his chest (hopefully) before Sokka could notice anything. He rushed to finish getting dressed, and stepped out of the tent.

“Oh, oh Tui and La, I am so sorry Zuko, I should’ve asked before coming in-” The Water Tribesman was rambling, a sign that he was probably getting rather nervous.

“Sokka. It’s fine, it was just..really awkward, and kind of embarrassing. I’m not upset with you.”

“You’re not?” Zuko shook his head in response. “That’s- that’s great.” Sokka seemed to just..droop, letting out a sigh of relief.

The firebender smiled slightly. Zuko...felt safe. For once, he felt entirely safe with someone. He would tell them tonight, then. They deserved to know, and Zuko wanted them to.

*

At the campfire that night, while Katara was preparing dinner, Zuko prepared himself. He took a deep breath, and exhaled.

“Guys, I have something I want to tell you.” Everyone turned to look at him, not quite used to Zuko talking without being spoken to first.

“I..was born in the body of a girl. But, I’m still a boy. I just want you guys to know. It felt right, to tell you.”

Aang’s eyes lit up, his face splitting into a grin. “Me too! The monks always said our physical bodies didn’t define who we were on the inside! If you were a different gender on the inside than you were on the outside, you were said to have transcended gender; we called it being transgender for short!”

“Same here, Zuko. You’re not alone, buddy!” Sokka spoke up, elbowing him softly with his obnoxiously (adorabley) wide grin.

“Oh, this..this is great. Thank you guys. For everything.”

“Of course we support you, Sparky. If anyone doesn’t, fuck them! They’re just dickbags.”

“Toph, language!” Katara scolded the earthbender, before launching into another sentence. “Zuko, we’ll support you. You’re our friend now. You’re one of us.”

“Yeah, Zuko. I was in the body of a boy, but I’m really a girl. I always have been, and I always will be.”

Zuko was grinning. His eyes burned, and he started crying. He was truly happy and he felt safe.

“Zuko, are you okay?!” Aang ran up to him, a concerned look on his young face.

“Yeah, I’m alright. I’m just so happy. Thank you.” He attempted to wipe his tears away, but they just kept coming.

“You know what this calls for? GROUP HUG!” Sokka shouted, latching onto Zuko with a tight hug. The rest of them joined in, sort of cocooning him into a giant hug. Druk was last, climbing over everyone to sit on his safe-parent-caretaker’s head. “Wow, Zuko, you’re like, really warm. I’d stay here for the rest of my life if I could,” The Water Tribesman spoke, shifting closer to Zuko. The firebender flushed, his cheeks going bright red. Druk looked at Zuko from his perch on his head, the hatchling tilting his head and chirping. (Druk thinks- knows, even, that his safe-parent-caretaker likes the one with dark hair, blue eyes, and a fondness for meat. He let out a strangely laugh-like croon. His safe-parent-caretaker shot him a playful glare.)