Archive of Our Own ^beta

Shinichi is used to being put in weird and strangely impossible situations (read: turning into a kid) so when he wakes up in an unfamiliar bed next to an unfamiliar man, he doesn’t immediately run for it like most people would. Instead, he watches the man carefully for any sign of wakefulness, and when he’s confident that his resting face and even breaths aren’t being faked, he turns his attention back to his surroundings. 

There’s a clock on the nightstand by his side of the bed, and it reads 10 a.m., which is only confirmed by the light coming in through the blinds covering the windows. None of this is really useful information, in the grand scheme of things, but it at least helps him situate himself a little better. He must still be in Beika, or at least some place that shares a similar time zone, because if there’s one thing he’s sure of is his inner clock, which always rouses him at 10 a.m. on the dot. 

He went to sleep in his own bed, so he must have been moved sometime during the night. What he doesn’t understand is this man beside him and the general coziness of the place. He was kidnapped several times back when he was still posing as Conan, but this is the first time he’s ever experienced this sort of...mild treatment, if that’s even the right word for it. 

He pulls the covers off of himself and gets up from the bed, pacing around the room to better investigate it. There’s a big dresser set against the wall, and he spends a few minutes quietly rummaging through the drawers, without much luck - the thing is full of nothing but shirts and underwear, which he finds to be somewhat unnerving in a kidnapping scenario. Next to it, there’s a wooden chest, and he’s half expecting to find the same type of stuff inside of it until he bends down to open it and comes face to face with what he can only assume, having seen them in use so many times, are magic tools. Confetti, balloons, all sorts of fake flowers, what he thinks must be at least 30 smoke bombs, and several other items are littering the hollow space, filling the chest up basically to the brim. He stares in silence, confused and starting to suspect this might be some sort of prank after all - and in his incredulousness manages to miss the other occupant of the room waking up.

“Shinichi? What’re you doing…?” Comes the sleepy murmur from behind him, startling him into a ramrod position. 

He looks over his shoulder, tense despite the lack of imminent threat. The man is regarding him curiously, head cocked and a hand up to rub at his sleep-mussed hair, but when their eyes meet, something akin to surprise crosses his face and he visibly becomes alert, expression turning guarded.

“You’re not Shinichi,” he says, and gone is the sleep that had previously softened his voice. “How did you get in here?” He pushes the covers off himself and stands up, eyes shifting around the room as if searching for an exit, or possibly an entry point, considering his words.

“I woke up here,” Shinichi says, now more than a little confused. The man knows his name, so he must be involved in whatever plot this is. “I should be the one asking you how I got here, actually. Or did you also get abducted?”

“Abducted?” The man moves closer, eyeing him suspiciously. He’s taller than Shinichi by a good few inches, which puts him at a considerable disadvantage should a fight break out. 

He takes a step back, cautious of any sudden movements. “Yes. How did you get here?”

The man frowns, crosses his arms over his chest. “I live here,” he says, and then his eyes trail down the length of Shinichi’s body, considering. “You put some effort into your disguise, I'll give you that, but Shinichi's taller than you and you’re a little bit too young to be trying to pass as him. Maybe if you’d worn insoles and better make-up.”

Shinichi raises an eyebrow at that, wishing he could’ve gotten someone who made at least a modicum of sense to interrogate. “I’m Shinichi.” 

The man barks out a laugh. “No, you’re not.”

“What is this, some kind of attempt at psyching me out? I-” but Shinichi doesn’t get to finish his sentence, because someone barges into the room the very next moment, the click of a pair of heels against the floor the only warning before they’re both faced with a purposeful looking red haired woman.

“Good, you’re both here,” she says, looking from Shinichi to the man with a satisfied look on her face.

“Akako? How did you get in?” The man asks, looking lost and sounding just a little bit like a broken record at this point.

She wiggles her fingers, as if that’s any kind of answer, and plows on through, “This is Kudou-kun, in case you hadn’t realized yet,” she says, pointing at Shinichi matter-of-factly.

“Wha- no he isn’t, he’s clearly-”

“He’s seventeen years old Kudou-kun,” Akako amends, giving him a sly smirk. “I switched them up.”

The man stares at her for a long moment, then looks at Shinichi, then back at her, a look of disbelief on his face. Shinichi himself can do nothing but watch the scene in silence, hoping whatever they’re saying will at some point become clearer to him, it’s been a long time since he’s felt this confused. 

“Why would you do that?!” The man despairs, fingers going up to pinch at the bridge of his nose.

She shrugs, bringing a finger up to her lips. “Satan.”

“You-”

“Um,” Shinichi cuts in before the discussion can get any more heated. “Would anyone care to explain what’s going on? Or should I just leave while the door is open?”

They both turn to him, Akako with amusement glinting in her eyes and the man with some emotion Shinichi finds impossible to parse at the moment.

“No, you stay right where you are,” he says, making a gesture one would make at a dog when asking it to stay put. 

Shinichi feels mildly offended at the order, but Akako intervenes before he can voice this, “Well, my job here is done. Take care.” She goes to turn around but the man steps forward and grabs her shoulder before she can fully twirl in place. 

“Wait, wait, what am I supposed to do about him?” He whisper-shouts, looking at Shinichi out the corner of his eye. 

Akako tilts her head. “That’s not my problem.” When the man makes a strangled noise in response, she smiles and adds, “Just take care not to break time, okay? They’ll switch back soon enough.” And with those words she pulls out of his grip and is out the door before the man can say anything else.

They stay silent for what feels like an eternity, staring after her, and then the man, apparently snapping out of his shock induced daze, looks down at Shinichi and says, “So...high-school Shinichi, huh?”

------

According to the man, whose name he quickly learns is Kuroba Kaito, Akako is supposed to be a witch, something Shinichi finds hard to believe up until the point Kuroba leads him out to the living room of the apartment and shows him the picture frames hanging on the walls. They’re pictures of him , pictures of Shinichi with his friends, with his family, with Kuroba and the detective kids and the professor. They’re pictures of him but older - with wider shoulders, longer legs, a sharper jaw and bigger hands .  

This is what Akako meant by ‘switched’, and what made Kuroba freak out so much when she said Shinichi was seventeen, because according to these pictures and Kuroba himself, the Shinichi of this time is supposed to be nineteen years old, fresh off his first year of college. He’s already graduated high-school, has a picture placed by the couch of him surrounded by his classmates all holding their diplomas and grinning wide at the camera. It’s all a little bit unbelievable. 

“These could be faked,” he says weakly, eyes lingering on the frames holding the older detective kids, the most noticeably grown of the bunch. Ayumi’s hair is longer, the glasses on her face glinting against the sun, and she must have hit a growth spur at some point because she’s almost as tall as Genta. They should be nine right now, if any of this is to be trusted.

“I can show you the videos on my phone,” Kuroba offers, looking uncomfortable from his place next to him. “But do you really think we’d try to fool you with something so...useless? What would be the point of lying to you about this sort of stuff, when it can be disproved so easily?” He makes a noise and taps a hand to his chin. “Speaking of that, I should get Miyano-chan to come over, she’s always been such a skeptic about Akako’s magic.”

“You-” Shinichi starts, not used to hearing anyone mention Haibara by her real name. “You know her?”

Kuroba gives him a strange look. “She’s a friend,” he purses his lips, “did you not expect to still be in contact with her?”

Shinichi shrugs, looking away for fear of revealing too much. One of the pictures on the shelf to his left draws his attention and he steps closer to it as he says, “Just didn’t think she’d want her old identity back, is all.”

“She had her reasons,” Kuroba says, mysteriously, but Shinichi is hardly paying attention as his eyes zero in on the couple in the snapshot. 

His fingers tremble a little as he picks up the frame, unblinking.

“Oh, that,” Kuroba says from behind him. “That was a nice day.” He pauses for a long moment, as if waiting for Shinichi to say something, and then, “Huh, hope this doesn’t cause some kind of paradox.”

Shinichi finally snaps out of it and places the frame back on the shelf. He turns to face Kuroba, feeling his face heat up, his heart drumming hard against his ribcage, loud and impossible to ignore. “You two- we…” He swallows around his suddenly dry throat. “You’re together," he says, not a question. 

There’s no room for doubt, not when this explains away a lot of what he’s seen since he woke up - the distinct sets of clothing styles in the drawers, the way Kuroba had first addressed him, like his presence in the bedroom was to be expected, like the queen sized bed wasn’t his alone, and the clearly lived in apartment, shared by the two of them. It's there in the way their arms are wrapped around each other in the picture, the way they lean in, lips touching in a soft kiss, eyes closed. They’re both smiling, happiness visible and glowing on their faces, and Kuroba’s arm is stretched forward out of the frame, capturing the moment in time. 

It all screams domestic, settled, in love , and it makes butterflies grow in Shinichi’s belly, fluttering all across his body.

“How?” He asks, short and simple, and watches as Kuroba’s face drops, the soft nostalgic look in his eyes disappearing with it.

“You’re asking me how we started dating?”

“Uh,” he looks down, tries to shake the heat from his face. “Just, I don’t know you, in my time.”

Kuroba looks down, hands flexing by his sides in an eerily familiar way. Shinichi averts his eyes, tries to ignore the overwhelming urge to run away. 

“I don’t think I can tell you that,” Kuroba says, looking back at him. “If knowing we’re dating doesn’t go into paradox territory, then the how definitely does.”

Shinichi frowns and steps away from him to go sit on the couch.

This is a mere two years in the future. Two years. 

He’s living with Kuroba, has an apartment and a room full of memories shared between them. He hasn’t felt anything close to romantic love for anyone since Ran, but somehow, soon, he’s going to be living with someone, sharing a bed. It’s too much to take in all at once.

“Sorry.” Kuroba sits down next to him, leaving an obvious gap between them, “I can’t tell you much of anything. You know how time travel works...step on an ant, kill your grandpa, something something…”

“I’ve traveled to the future, but I get your point,” Shinichi says, unable to deny that it’s unsafe to know too much about what he’s yet to experience. He's already got enough on his plate, he doesn't need to be responsible for a hole in the space-time contiuum. 

“Akako didn’t look too rattled by this so maybe we have nothing to worry about,” Kuroba says, hopefully, “though I don't remember her ever worrying about the consequences of her spells so I don’t know if that means much.”

Shinichi doesn’t comment on that, and silence quickly descends upon them. He knows the mood is awkward because of him, but it would be an understatement to say this information has staggered him just a little. He can’t help but steal glances at Kuroba, take in his profile, the shape of his lips, the dip of his straight sloped nose, the mole behind his ear. He’s good looking, in a way Shinichi might not have noticed had he not known himself to already, apparently, be attracted to him - his smile is charming, and his voice has a low timbre that just rings nicely in your ears when he speaks. Shinichi can almost see what his older self felt so drawn to, and the thought makes him want to curl up into a ball and die.

“Hey,” Kuroba says, thankfully interrupting his train of thought, “are you hungry? We haven’t had time to eat yet and I’m kind of starving.”

“Ah, yes,” Shinichi says, half because he is indeed hungry, and half because he needs something to distract him from how close he is to being drowned by all of this. 

------

The days pass with a torturing slowness, which Shinichi attributes to the fact that Kuroba won’t let him watch tv for fear of him catching a glimpse of things he shouldn’t, and that the only books around the house are either ones he’s already read a few times over or ones that haven’t come out in his time and he’s not supposed to touch. 

To pass the time, he busies himself working on his baking skills, which leave much to be desired and are mostly a safe bet because there’s unlikely to be any information in a cookbook that could result in a paradox, though he does run into a few jokes by the author whose context he doesn’t really understand. 

Kuroba spends most of his days at school, so Shinichi only really sees him in the evenings when he gets home. They don’t talk much, because Kuroba still looks a little scared that he might slip up and cause the universe to swallow itself, and because Shinichi keeps getting tongue tied any time he remembers his future self is dating Kuroba and, ah, I don’t even know his mother’s name . It makes for an awkward sort of living together, but on the bright side, the apartment has a spare bedroom for guests so Shinichi escaped having to deal with them figuring out who would get the bed and who would have to sleep on the couch - just remembering Kuroba is used to sharing a bed with him is enough to make him flush to his roots.

----

He’s three days into his stay in the future when Kuroba gets home with a large smile on his face and says, “Hey, what if we went to the beach tomorrow? I’ve no classes and I don’t think there’s anything there that could be, like, spoilery.” 

And sick of being cooped up inside all day with no real set date for his switch back with his future self, Shinichi agrees. 

Kuroba makes him wear a blindfold on the ride over, which is reasonable enough. He also tells Shinichi they’re going some place far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to triangulate their location even if he wanted to, and Shinichi doesn’t have the heart to inform him of the fact that him knowing where they live wouldn’t cause the apocalypse because he already looked out the window his first day here and saw the street sign in front of their apartment, and they’re all still alive.

They arrive at the beach at around 11 a.m., and he’s happy to see it’s nearly deserted due to the weather not being exactly beach appropriate. They quickly set their things down and then get to applying sunscreen despite the clouds mostly covering the sun. 

“Do my back and I’ll do yours?” Kuroba suggests, and turns his back to him before Shinichi can reply, handing him the bottle over his shoulder. 

Shinichi takes it from him, hesitant, and then stares at the wide expanse of Kuroba’s back with an uncomfortable tingle forming in his throat. Almost in a daze, he squeezes some sunscreen onto his palm and rubs it between his fingers, before placing his hands carefully against Kuroba’s skin and spreading it gently over his shoulder blades. He’s warm, and even with the strong scent of the sunscreen confusing his senses, Shinichi can tell he smells good - like flowers and citrus mixed together. 

Well, he muses, moving onto Kuroba’s lower back, he is a magician, isn’t he? Shinichi doubts the chest full of magic tools belongs to him. The only other magician he knows is KID, who always seems to smell like flowers due to carrying them inside his suit, so it’s not too far fetched to imagine Kuroba does the same - fresh flowers to offer and fake flowers to throw around. 

Once he's done applying the lotion, Shinichi passes the bottle back to Kuroba and turns around to get his own back covered. Kuroba does it much faster than him, his hands larger than Shinichi's, with long slim fingers - magician fingers, of course. 

(He tries not to think on that too long, tries to ignore the warmth bubbling in his chest and the way his heart skips a beat whenever he catches a glimpse of Kuroba's tanned chest and the long line of his throat.) 

Once they're both properly protected against the sun, he lies down belly up and closes his eyes, listening to the sounds of the waves and the seagulls flying overhead. It's peaceful and serene, something he rarely gets to enjoy in his chaotic life, and it doesn't take long before he finds himself drifting off to sleep. 

He doesn't know how long he's dozing for when he's startled out of it by the sound of Kuroba shifting around in his towel. He tries to ignore it at first, but then a shadow falls over him, noticeable only by the little bit of sunlight shining through the clouds going out, and he peeks one eye open to check on him. 

Kuroba is sitting up on his towel, typing on his phone with a focused look on his face. When he notices Shinichi's gaze on him, he turns his way and gives him a small smile, as if to say 'go on, back to sleep, don't mind me', which Shinichi would be perfectly willing to do if not for the fact that, for the first time, up this close, he realizes Kuroba's eyes are a gentle blue - the same color as the forget-me-nots his teacher grew back in middle-school, the ones Ran watered every morning with the care Shinichi could never really muster up.

He closes his eyes, feels the beat of his heart in his chest, the way his hands sweat despite the lack of heat. Last night, while looking for the dvd player remote, he unearthed a picture from behind the living room cupboard that raised some questions and answered others. It was of him in his high-school uniform, sitting under a tree. Next to him was a girl he didn't recognize in a different school's uniform, and then, head resting on his lap and body splayed out on the grass, had been Kuroba, wearing an open gakuran jacket with a red shirt underneath. 

This means Shinichi has to meet Kuroba sometime in the next year, because they'd clearly met before he graduated. Soon , sooner even than he’d first anticipated. He doesn’t know whether to feel excited or sick with nervousness. Can he mess up something that already happened? What if him being here has already ruined everything? He doesn’t know much about time-travel theories and what-not, but he’s pretty sure his presence in the future could cause a whole alternate timeline to be born. Would he deviate from this path when he got back? It’s scary to imagine that this future he’s started to think of as his own could be erased so easily.  

"Do you want some ice-cream?" Kuroba asks, pulling him out of his thoughts. He points at a stand ways off from where they are, at the edge of the beach where sand meets pavement. 

Shinichi stares at his hand, hoping he can get here someday, to this life, with a fervor he didn’t know himself capable of. "Sure."

Kuroba grins, as if Shinichi's dry reply has just made his day, and rummages around in his backpack for a moment before pulling out a wallet. It's a KID merch one, with the little KID caricature on the center and little hearts stamped around it. Shinichi wonders if he’s a fan of KID’s, and can’t help but feel wildly amused at the thought.

"Be right back!" Kuroba says, and then he's on his feet and making his way towards the stand, a happy little bounce in his steps. 

Shinichi averts his gaze, towards the ocean where the waves crash harshly against the sand, and pretends he doesn’t think Kuroba is cute in a boyish kind of way. Someday he might be allowed to think like that, but not right now - he hasn’t even met him yet, not really. 

-----

It's been almost a week of mostly peaceful and sometimes flustering cohabitation when Haibara comes to visit. 

She doesn’t go by Haibara anymore, he knows, but he finds it hard to suddenly match her face, even this older version of it, to the name he’s been hiding in the deep corners of his mind as a well kept secret for so long. She doesn’t seem to mind when he accidentally greets her by the wrong name, though he isn’t sure if she doesn’t correct him for his sake or because she genuinely doesn’t care. Either way, he’s happy to see her, the first familiar face in this new reality he’s landed in. 

“It’s not like I didn’t believe you about the witch,” Haibara is saying to Kuroba, who’s sitting across from her at the kitchen table, “I do remember that time she gave you the cat ears and tail for a week. They didn’t come off when I pulled.”

“And that hurt like hell,” Kuroba reminds her, rubbing at his head as if still feeling the pain.

Shinichi, who’s sat next to her, can’t help but feel a little bereft at the fact that his closest friend now seems to share more secrets with Kuroba than she does with him. Unfortunately, that feeling is followed closely by the image of Kuroba with cat ears and a tail, which is the opposite direction of where he needs his thoughts to be heading right now.

“All I’m saying is I believed you about her from that point on, it’s not like I thought you grew those on your own.” She tilts her head. “Unless there’s something you’re not telling me?” Her eyes narrow, but the curve of her mouth shows she’s mostly joking.

“Haha,” Kuroba says dryly, opening the bottle of coke on the table and filling the three cups sitting in front of him. “Well, you’ve seen him now, so feel free to leave whenever.”

Haibara grabs her glass and takes a sip, eyes moving over to Shinichi. She gives him an appraising look, and he can’t help but feel uncomfortable under her sharp gaze. 

“What?” He asks.

She blinks, licking her lips and placing her glass back on the table. “Nothing, you just look young, it’s a little funny.”

“As in weird, right?” Kuroba says.

“No, just funny.”

Shinichi scowls at that. “Glad to be of entertainment.”

She gives him one of her familiar smirks. “Would you give us a moment, Kuroba-kun?”

Kuroba looks between them suspiciously, a nervous twist to his mouth. Shinichi feels like a kid whose mother is wondering if it’s safe to leave him alone with a friend. “You can’t tell him anything-”

“I don’t think you need to warn the scientist about quantum physics,” she cuts him off.

“Right.” He grabs his glass and leaves the room without another word, oddly obedient. 

Shinichi watches him go, because he’s an idiot who can’t control himself, and then turns to Haibara when she clears her throat to get his attention.

“So,” she starts, “having fun being in the future?”

He gives her a look he hopes conveys just how much fun he’s been having. If anything, it’s a whole lot of stress he didn’t need to add on top of his already pretty stressful life.

“Thought so,” she snorts. He follows her fingers as she pushes her glass around the table for a moment, before her hand comes to rest against his elbow and she leans in. “I actually came over for a reason,” her voice lowers into a whisper, eyes cutting to the door for a moment before returning to him.

Shinichi shifts closer, curious. It’s always a surprise when she comes to him first with a secret. He can’t remember the last time that happened, he’s always had to pry them out of her like pulling shrapnel from a wound. “Which is?”

“Well, you told me this would happen years ago.”

----

“I think it’s a closed time loop,” she says, a few minutes later, when Shinichi’s done staring at the table and trying to work around the possible fact that time is set in stone and no human being has actual free will under the control of whatever higher power makes the decisions. “You know, where you coming to the future and then going back is already part of your timeline.”

“So I’ll reach this future no matter what I do?”

She tilts her head. “I’d like to think so, but it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“How so?”

“Well, you could accidentally open the loop by learning too much information. That could get dangerous"

“It can be opened?” He squints. "And...do you mean, like, wormhole dangerous?" 

"Possibly. This isn't exactly my area of expertise. All I know is what you told me, and it’s that you didn't find out much about your life while you were here, except for Kuroba."

"Oh."

"We talked last week, actually. You called me to warn me about the switch date being near. I think what's causing the loop to remain closed is the fact that your current self always wants it to remain so." She pushes some hair out of her face. "He doesn't want to ruin what he has now, and that means not letting you ruin it either. Also there's the issue of destroying the universe but I think that's lower on his list of priorities." 

"It's lower ?" He asks, a little incredulous. 

"You'll find Kuroba ranks pretty high on most of his lists," Haibara says, dry and amused. "It's kind of embarrassing." 

And Shinichi does feel embarrassed at that, but mostly because he can sort of understand why, even though he’s only known Kuroba for a handful of days. 

“Do you,” he hesitates, looks away for a moment and then back at her, “do you know how we met?”

Her eyes widen almost minutely at his question, before she schools her expression back into a neutral one. "Right, that. He told me you'd ask." She presses her palms flat against the table. "I can't tell you."

"Why?” He asks, frustrated. “Kuroba won’t tell me either. Why is it such a big deal? Would it open the loop?" 

"I don't know," she admits, "but I know you didn't find out about it when you were here, so I'm not supposed to tell you." A fond look crosses her face. "Besides, even if you think you want to know it right now, you'd regret changing things if you did. You should experience it yourself, Kudou-kun said it'll definitely be worth it." 

"Clearly I don't know myself well enough, to want me to leave a mystery unsolved," he snarks, suddenly angry at his future self. What right does he have to put all these limitations on him? Does Shinichi not have any free will in this time-travel nonsense? Ever since he got here he’s just been following everyone else’s orders, and it feels more than a little belittling to not be able to make decisions on his own without people putting into question the safety of the whole known universe.

Besides, it’d be nice to know when to expect Kuroba to pop up in his life. He’d like to be prepared - just so he doesn’t ruin everything, of course.

"No, you do know yourself,” Haibara says, eyes twinkling. “Kuroba-kun is the one case you never tried to solve."

And he has no idea what she means by that, is left even more confused than he was before she came over. But clearly that's the end of it, because she’s got that look on her face she always gets when she’s determined to keep quiet about something, so he gulps down his drink in one go and gets up from the table, legs tingling and a headache climbing up the back of his neck. 

"I think I'm gonna take a nap now. This is all a little overwhelming." 

She smiles, small and knowing. "It was nice seeing you." 

He gives her a look. "Likewise, I guess." 

And her amusement follows him out the door as he goes. 

----

It’s a Monday morning, eight days since his arrival in the future, when Kuroba steps into the house with a pale sheen to his face and a defeated slump to his shoulders.

Shinichi looks up from where he’d been thumbing through an old box of vinyl albums and struggles with himself for a moment before giving into his concern and asking, “Something wrong?”

Kuroba apparently hadn’t noticed him in his crouched position, because he jumps at his voice and looks his way with wide startled eyes. “Oh, Shinichi, didn’t see you there.” He lets out a shaky laugh and drops his backpack to the floor, rolling his shoulder at the lost weight. “Nothing’s wrong, just a long day.”

“I see,” Shinichi stares at him for a moment longer, taking in the dark bags under his eyes and the way his hair sticks in all directions like he’s been running his hands through it for hours. “I can make dinner, if you want.”

Kuroba sends him a surprised look at the offer, eyes lighting up. “You- yeah, that’d be great, actually.”

Shinichi rubs at his nose, feeling something hot and bubbly rise in his chest. “I’m not that great of a cook but-”

“I like your cooking,” Kuroba interjects, coming to sit next to him on the floor. His lips are curved into a soft smile; Shinichi feels a little light-headed.

“Maybe I get better with time, but Ran’s always said it’s kind of bland.”

Kuroba laughs. “Mouri-chan’s just really good at it so her expectations are higher. I liked your cooking even back when we were seventeen.”

Shinichi presses his lips together, looks down at the vinyls box where his hands are resting. What is he supposed to say to that? He can feel a flush rising on his cheeks. 

Before he can put together a response, Kuroba leans into him and looks down at the box. “Are you interested in these? They were my dad’s, Shinichi really likes them.”

His scent fills the air around them, warmth radiating off his body. It’s dizzying, having him this close, the light freckles littering his face on full display, and his blue eyes shadowed by his hair. When he blinks, his long lashes swipe across his cheeks, and Shinichi can’t help but follow the movement like that single contact between hair and skin will save him from drowning.

“I h-haven’t listened to any of them yet,” he says, half-stuttering, and clears his throat to try and pass it off as a tickle in the back of his mouth. 

“Here,” Kuroba says, still looking down at the albums, oblivious. He picks out one of them with careful fingers and sets it down on top of the box. “Shinichi’s favorite, I’m sure you’ll like it too,” he laughs at his own joke.

And suddenly, the sight of him is just a bit too much. Shinichi springs to his feet in a rush, needing to escape this situation lest he do something crazy, like dip his head in to check if Kuroba’s lips really are as soft as they look. 

“I should go start on the food,” he blurts out when Kuroba peers up at him, eyebrows raised at his abruptness. “Wanna get it done by eight.”

“Oh.” Kuroba looks down at the album, then up at him again, lower lip jutting out into a small pout. “Alright, sure. Call if you need any help with the stove.”

Shinichi doesn’t look back as he goes, barely pays attention to Kuroba’s words. “Will do,” he mumbles, and his legs feel weak, like he might just trip and fall and stick to the ground for the rest of the evening.

-----

The slowness of the days continues, but unlike in the beginning, Shinichi now feels it like he imagines a pet does, home alone all day, waiting for its owner to come back. He sits on the couch, he watches and rewatches the same movies on the dvd player, he ponders on whether listening to Kuroba’s father’s vinyls is a good idea or if he should save the experience for when he’s back in his own time, he stares at the walls, and he waits for Kuroba to come home. It becomes a routine of a sort, and the closer it gets to the time Kuroba usually arrives, the more his skin tingles, the more his ears focus on any noise coming from the hallway outside their apartment. 

He’s like a little kid, stupid and embarrassed about his own emotions yet unable to stop them all the same. Growing and growing like a vine, tangled up in his lungs and all around his spine.

Kuroba, for his part, seems completely unaware of Shinichi’s inner struggle, which is a small blessing because he really couldn’t deal with it if his emotions were that easy to read. He comes home, he greets Shinichi with a blinding smile, he fixes dinner for them unless Shinichi offers to do so in an attempt to please him, and they eat together in comfortable silence. Sometimes, Kuroba will tell him about his day, little tidbits about college life that don’t give away anything of importance. It’s nice to hear about what he’s doing, but something about the strained tilt of his smile tells Shinichi he’d much rather be telling these things to his Shinichi - the older one, the one that’s actually dating him, around whom he doesn’t have to walk on eggshells. 

It makes him feel guilty for being here, for taking his future self away from Kuroba and replacing him with this different version of him that apparently doesn’t measure up. And then he feels angry about feeling guilty, because why should he, when he’s also been uprooted from his life and thrown here without warning? And then, as if on clockwork, he flips back around to feeling guilty, because lately he’s been putting Kuroba’s feelings before his own for some godforsaken reason, and seeing him sad makes him want to rip his hair out or go looking for Akako to demand she switch them back right this second. 

He’s trying not to think about it too much, trying not to linger on all the things that make the hairs on his neck stand up. That’s been his go-to solution ever since he got here. Just don’t think about it. It’s hardly healthy, but he doesn’t think there’s much of an alternative while he’s stuck here. 

----

On Saturday, twelve days since the switch, Kuroba calls the house phone to tell him he’ll be getting home later than usual and Shinichi jumps on the chance to try a recipe he found while going through one of the couple’s cook books. 

When everything is set on the table and they’re both sat down, Kuroba digs into the food like a starved man. Shinichi himself eats slower, choosing to pay more attention to Kuroba’s reactions rather than the food itself. It’s always nice to have his cooking appreciated, and he finds that Kuroba might be the first person to be genuinely excited to eat whatever he makes. It’s hard to ignore the thump thump thump of his unreliable heart. 

They’re both well into their second serving when Kuroba rests his chopsticks on his plate and says, “I talked to Akako today.”

Shinichi raises an eyebrow, curious, and gestures for him to go on with his head.

Kuroba licks his lips. “Well, she said you’d probably be switching back tomorrow. Something about the number thirteen.” 

Shinichi starts at that. He swallows down the food in his mouth and says, “Really? Couldn’t she have told us the timeframe sooner?”

“She said we never asked,” Kuroba rolls his eyes, raising his fingers in a quote.

Shinichi looks down at his plate, drags a piece of rice across it, suddenly not hungry anymore.

Tomorrow. He’ll be going back tomorrow.

Returning home, as nice as it is, also means Kuroba being gone. It’s hard to imagine going back to his empty house, knowing wherever Kuroba is, it might be a while before he gets to see him again. 

He likes Kuroba, a lot - he’s sweet and cheerful and he lights up the room whenever he’s around. Shinichi doesn’t know if Haibara’s theory about the closed loop is right, but he hopes it is, all thoughts of free-will aside. He likes the idea that all of it will lead up to this, this apartment, this kitchen, eating dinner with Kuroba on a Saturday night. It feels right, and even if this isn’t his universe, even if he doesn’t belong and it all turns out to be some kind of cosmic joke played on him, he’ll have these memories to hold onto, and he’ll know that somewhere out there, some version of himself has his fate tied with Kuroba’s. It’s a nice thought, Kuroba Kaito in his life. He wants that for himself as well. He wants to know him in his time and hold his hand and kiss his cheeks and do all the things this version of himself gets to do so freely. 

“You must be excited,” Kuroba says, giving him an encouraging smile. “I know it’s been hard on you being here, and that you don’t exactly like me, but-”

What?

“I like you!” Shinichi rushes to correct, something coiling in his chest at the thought of Kuroba thinking otherwise. Has he not been obvious? He knows sometimes his affection can come across as indifference when he tries to hide it, but he’d subconsciously assumed Kuroba would be able to read him anyway, on account of him knowing his own Shinichi so intimately. 

Except, he realizes with a start, Kuroba mustn’t be used to dealing with a Shinichi that treats him like this, must have already forgotten what it’s like to be regarded with anything but easy warmth and tenderness. It makes sense, in a way, that he would misunderstand him so thoroughly. 

He thinks back, wonders how many times his attempts at hiding his own desire must have come across as standoffish, and wants to punch himself in the face.

“Oh,” Kuroba breathes out, surprise evident on his face. “I thought…”

Shinichi sighs, places his chopsticks down and drags his chair around so he’s sat closer to him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it seem like I didn’t.” He looks down at his lap, twists his hands together. “I just- all of this is a little strange, to say the least.” He peeks up at him through the gaps in his bangs. “But you’re a good guy, Kuroba. If this is really my future, I couldn’t be gladder.” 

A smile stretches across Kuroba’s face at his words, the sun breaking through the clouds. His cheeks are red, happiness looks good on him. “Ah, thank you,” he says, shy, and Shinichi doesn’t think he’s ever seen him look so bashful before. “It did bother me, that some version of Shinichi didn’t-” he sighs, presses a hand to his cheek as if to check the heat, “thank you,” he repeats, and Shinichi wants to lean forward and pull him into a hug, a kiss, something , but Kuroba’s nineteen and waiting for someone he hasn’t become yet, whom he might not even be, if this turns out to be an alternate future that doesn’t belong to him, so he stays still instead, grips his hands together tightly, watches his skin turn white with the harshness of it. 

“I’ll miss you,” he whispers, half hoping his confession isn’t heard. 

Kuroba, of course, does hear him, and he knocks their shoulders together. “Hey, you’ll see me soon. Baby me!”

Shinichi snorts, turns away to hide his red face. “Teenager you. Not so much a baby.”

“You’d know,” Kuroba laughs, and Shinichi stills at the joke, thinking, oh, he knows about Conan . 

Of course he knows, why wouldn’t he? Of course Shinichi told him everything, they’re a couple, they’re living together, of course he knows. Future Shinichi probably trusts Kuroba with all his secrets, and Kuroba probably does the same in return.

He’s jealous, he’s giddy, he’s filled with all these mixed emotions that clash together. He wants to be him already. To fast forward so he’s right back here but as the man Kuroba knows, the one Kuroba loves and misses. 

Wherever his future self is, he probably doesn’t know how much Shinichi envies him.

“Yeah, I guess I would,” he says, and hopes Kuroba can’t hear the longing in his voice.

----

When Kuroba told him he’d go back ‘tomorrow’, Shinichi had foolishly assumed it meant he had until the following day’s midnight. Instead, he wakes up the next morning already back in his time, dazed and disoriented at the sight of his bedroom’s walls rather than the guest room’s ones. He sits in bed for a while, upset at the unexpected return, and then shakes himself out of it and gets up. This isn’t the end of the world - if anything, this is the beginning of something new.

There’s a post-it stuck on the wall next to the door with his handwriting on it: Stayed home from school, Ran thinks it’s the flu. No one saw me. - You

The signature seems a bit unnecessary, but he guesses he would be the sort to be paranoid about those things, so he can’t be too judgemental about that.

He gets dressed, he eats breakfast, he goes to school. Ran is on him most of the day, asking if he’s really alright and complaining about him locking himself at home all alone while sick. He answers when he can, deflects when can’t, and spends most of his time spacing out and thinking about how happy Kuroba must be with his future self returned to him. 

The school year is just beginning, and that means he could meet Kuroba anytime from now to the end of March, next year. He hopes it’s sooner rather than later, wishes he had been able to find out without all the paradox warnings on the label. He’s never been good at waiting, and not knowing when what he’s waiting for will happen makes the wait even worse.

The days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months, and then, summer vacation rolls around, and KID sends a heist note to his house. 

Shinichi hasn’t seen him in a while, too distracted with school and cases and hoping to glimpse Kuroba on the street, so it’s a nice surprise to come home to. KID has always been the sort of side case he loves to leave to its own devices because of its harmlessness. Rather than an enemy, Shinichi sees him more as someone who will mess with you when he wants to, but still have your back if you need him, because when it comes to the most fundamental morals, KID is hardly lacking - which is a good thing, because his skillset in the hands of someone less inclined to do good would be pretty dangerous.

He solves the riddle, he contacts Nakamori, who received his own note but has yet to figure out its meaning, and then waits with barely contained excitement for the heist date to arrive. The week passes slowly, almost impossibly so, and by the time he finally finds himself at the heist location he’s practically frothing at the mouth for some type of action. 

It’s an art museum, the kind school children love to go to on school trips only because it means not having classes for the day. He wanders around the venue for a while, checking out the exits and keeping an eye on the task force officers for any signs of a terrible plan in the making. 

The place has a roof, and he supposes KID might take that option if he decides to use a dummy this time around - god knows he’s managed to fool the officers with it plenty of times. Shinichi thinks he must alternate when using it and when actually flying off in his glider, though he doesn’t frequent heists often enough to know for sure.  

He’s leaning back against the wall between two of the paintings on exhibition, bored and with nothing else to do but wait, when he sees her - the girl in the picture. Her hair is longer and she’s wearing casual clothes, but it’s her. His heart skips a beat, then two, then restarts at a faster pace, knocking hard against his breastbone like it’s trying to break out. Shinichi tracks her across the room with his eyes, watches as she moves from officer to officer, handing them what he thinks must be home-made mini sandwiches. At one point, she stops by Nakamori’s side, who rubs her head in a familiar way that screams of a close relationship. Shinichi squints, notices the similarities between them, the way their eyes crinkle the same way when they smile, the way their noses curve. Unbidden, a memory of a throwaway comment Hakuba made not too long ago comes to mind - Nakamori has a daughter. His future self is friends with Nakamori’s daughter.

He’s struggling with whether or not approaching her of his own accord would somehow open the loop when she makes the decision for him, breaking away from the circle of officers to walk in his direction.

“Hi!” She greets, offering up the box of sandwiches, “You’re Kudou-kun, right? My dad’s told me about you,” she hooks a thumb over her shoulder, pointing at Nakamori. 

“Thanks,” he says, accepting the offered food. “Yeah. Sorry, I don’t know your…”

“Oh,” she laughs, cheeks pinking, “I’m Nakamori Aoko.”

“Nice to meet you,” he says, taking a bite out of the sandwich and trying not to show his glee on his face. The last thing he needs is to scare her off by being too over eager to befriend her.

She closes the box, apparently done with distributing the food, and stuffs it away in her backpack before turning back to him. “You’re here to catch KID?” 

Something about the way she asks it makes him pause, the hint of protectiveness in her tone ringing strangely in his ears. Is she a KID fan? It wouldn’t be the first time someone who’s keen on catching KID had a family member absolutely devoted to him (Sonoko).

“Catch would be too big a word for it,” he confesses, hoping he’s not wrong about his assumptions. 

She visibly relaxes at his words, her smile turning gentler. “I see." She gives him a conspiratory look, lashes dipping low over her eyes. "I actually used to really want him to get caught because he kept thwarting dad and making him miss important dates." 

Shinichi hums, curious. "What changed?" 

Her expression turns fond. "Well, some things came to light. I had a change of heart." 

"Oh?" He finishes off the sandwich and dusts off his fingers. Her skirting of the truth makes him want to question her until she tells him the reason why, but he doubts that’d endear him to her so he keeps his nosiness at bay. "Does your dad know that?" 

She laughs. "No, he'd burst a vessel if he knew." 

Shinichi snorts at that. Nakamori does get angry pretty easily, especially about things concerning KID. He doubts he’d take well to finding out his daughter seems to have a soft spot for the thief.

They chat for a while longer, and Shinichi tries his best to seem friendly and approachable, the opposite of his usual demeanor. He wants her to like him, to feel inclined to keep up a line of communication. He can’t be sure from just one picture, but perhaps his meeting with her is some kind of prelude for his own meeting with Kuroba.  

Luckily for him, they seem to have a few things in common - she’s also friends with Hakuba, who happens to be her classmate, and she also enjoys magic, which Shinichi supposes has something to do with KID. Shinichi himself has a fondness for it that started off about KID and then went on to have more to do with the fact that Kuroba is a magician of some sort. He never really got to see him perform any tricks, he’s pretty sure Kuroba was purposefully avoiding practicing in front of him for some reason, as if expecting the world to implode if Shinichi caught a single glimpse of him doing magic. Or maybe he was just shy, though it’s a little hard to imagine Kuroba being shy about something he’s passionate about - he always seemed so excited to talk about what he was doing in class.

By the time it’s nearing the heist hour, they’ve exchanged numbers and promised to make plans to go out with Hakuba at some point. Shinichi feels pretty satisfied with that, something settling deep in his chest - finally, he thinks, it’s started, Kuroba is just within reach.

Of course, his pleasant little mood gets completely destroyed when at the end of the heist, as he’s confronting KID on the roof, instead of throwing some snark in his face and flying off through the haze of a smoke bomb, KID comes to a stop in front of him, fidgets in place for what feels like an eternity, and then says, “I like you, detective. Would you go out with me?”

Shinichi stays frozen in place, confused and more than a bit angry that Haibara didn’t think to mention this particular tidbit of information about his future - there’s nothing quite like the feeling of being blindsided by a confession from one of your friends/rivals whom you haven’t seen in over half a year. 

And Shinichi likes KID, really, but not like that, not when his thoughts are filled with everything Kuroba, when he lies in bed at night with anticipation coursing through his veins, that impossible to ignore feeling of something great hanging over him. It feels, lately, like everyday is the day before a vacation, and he’s a child bursting with that all-encompassing excitement that makes everything else pale in comparison. How can he possibly explain that to someone who’s been brave enough to pour his heart out to him despite the fact they’re on opposite sides of the law? 

His chest feels tight, his lungs small, like all the air has left them. He hates himself for being in this situation and he hates KID for putting him in it, but most of all he hates the fact he can’t push a button and rewind, not come to this heist, pretend he didn’t get any notes and hope his avoidance stays KID’s feelings. It’s always been so easy to say no before, but for some reason, this one feels like pulling teeth, harsh and bloody and painful.

“I…” he sucks in a breath, breaks eye-contact, “I like someone else.”

KID doesn’t reply at first, stunned into silence, and then he takes a small step back, shoulders hunching. “Oh.” There’s a dull tone to his voice, and Shinichi feels his heart break for him, feels sad and regretful and guilty over the fact he can’t return his feelings. So many girls would kill to be in his place right now, and yet, KID apparently likes him, the one person who can’t reciprocate with how crazy he is over someone he hasn’t even met yet.  

“I’m sor-”

“Don’t,” KID bites out through gritted teeth. His hands flex by his sides, and Shinichi thinks, Kuroba does that too , before realizing how insensitive it is to be thinking about something so trivial right now, when KID is clearly suffering. “It’s not your fault.”

Shinichi presses his lips together, stops himself from apologizing again. He knows it isn’t, but somehow, it still feels like he’s committed a crime against an innocent, with the way KID is almost shaking in front of him. 

“I’m gonna go,” KID declares, and his voice doesn’t betray his feelings, monotone and loud. 

Shinichi nods, too afraid to say anything that might upset him further, and watches silently as he tugs at his suit jacket and steps up to the roof’s edge. He follows KID’s form until he’s too far away to see, and then walks back into the building, feeling hollow inside. He never realized how much rejecting someone you genuinely care about could take out of you - he’d never had to experience it before, had always been accosted by girls he didn’t know personally. 

For the first time since coming back, he wishes he hadn’t been thrown into the future, wishes he’d come here with no foreknowledge - maybe he’d have said yes then, maybe he’d have given it a try. Would it have been better, or would it have just delayed KID’s pain? He doesn’t know, he never gave a thought to falling in love like that, together with someone else, he’s only ever experienced love like a burning intense forest fire, started unexpectedly and impossible to stop on his own. It’s hard to imagine anything else.

----

He can’t stop thinking about his encounter with KID, so much so that he completely forgets his half-formed plans with Aoko until she calls him two weeks later to set a date. Her excitement is contagious even through the phone, and amongst all the life updates and tangents they fall off on, Shinichi ends up getting roped into going for coffee the next day. She tells him, “ Bring some friends and I’ll bring some too! It’ll be like a nice get together to meet new people!” , and he can’t very well deny her that when she’s unknowingly doing him a favor by befriending him, so he agrees to it and drags Ran along, because who else does he know that lives in Beika and isn’t Sonoko? He’s really in need of some friends.

They arrive fifteen minutes late to the coffee shop because of a train delay, and Ran makes it her business to profusely apologize even though the only person at the table she knows is Hakuba. Shinichi, on the other hand, is struck silent at the sight of Kuroba Kaito sitting right there, next to Aoko, a strained smile on his face as he looks Ran over. He’s young and round faced and his hair looks shorter than Shinichi remembers from both the picture and future Kuroba, but it’s Kuroba all the same, sweet, pretty, all around love of Shinichi’s short stint in the future and possible life. Without warning, his heart climbs all the way up his throat and sticks behind his teeth, beating like a live ball of energy about to burst. He doesn’t know what to do, how to react - for some reason he didn’t expect one of Aoko’s friends to be Kuroba, never connected her sailor uniform in the picture to Kuroba’s gakuran. Of course this is how he meets Kuroba, of course meeting Aoko isn’t a completely separate event predating him. All of it is intrinsically connected, lines crossing and uncrossing over time to culminate in this one moment: Kuroba sitting mere feet away, seventeen years old, like a prophecy coming into fruition.

Shinichi greets Aoko with a small nod, tries to contain the all-encompassing wave of elation bubbling in his stomach, filling him up from the inside out. He can’t let it show, he can’t let it show, he can’t let it show. He repeats it like a mantra as he says hi to Hakuba, and then allows Aoko to introduce him and Ran to Kuroba. They’re childhood friends, apparently, but Shinichi is less focused on that aspect than he is on the way Kuroba’s hand feels in his as they share a handshake, the calluses on his fingers and the softness of his skin. He gives it a squeeze, relishes in the way Kuroba squeezes back, and then lets go, hoping the way he lingered just a little longer than normal went unnoticed.

“We’re all classmates, actually,” Aoko says as they take their seats, and Shinichi steals a glance at Hakuba - thinks, almost hysterically, et tu, Hakuba? Because how come he already had a connection with Kuroba from the start? He’d wrongly assumed Hakuba was in the pictures as a friend from Shinichi’s side, but to think he’d always been a shared mutual friend...Somehow, even more than Kuroba being Aoko’s close friend, Shinichi hadn’t seen Hakuba’s part in this coming from a mile away.

“Shinichi and I are classmates too,” Ran says, nudging Shinichi with her shoulder. “He wasn’t around much last year but this year’s been fun so far!”

“Oh? Did something happen?” Aoko asks.

Shinichi is still staring at Kuroba, who seems to be doing his best to avoid his gaze, and has to shake his head to focus on Aoko’s question. “Uh, just...some family stuff, I had to be away for a while, but everything’s good now.”

Ran smiles along with his story, a twitch at the corner of her lips the only clue to her knowing otherwise. “It was tough for him, I’m just glad he’s back now,” she says, leaning into his side as a friendly show of support. 

The conversation keeps going after that, mostly between Ran and Aoko, who seem to have a lot in common. Shinichi barely pays attention, keeps his eyes fixed on Kuroba the whole time. He must look like an idiot, ogling him like he’s never seen a boy his age before, but he can’t help it, not when he’s been waiting so long to see him. His hands feel sweaty where he’s got them clasped together under the table, the room hot beyond belief. It’s summer, but the A.C. inside the shop should’ve been enough to keep him cool - instead, he feels like he’s been thrown inside a sauna. 

“So,” Hakuba trails off, eyeing Shinichi oddly and then turning to peek sideways at Kuroba, who’s hunched in his seat and staring down at his lap like he’d rather be anywhere but here. “Caught any good cases lately, Kudou-kun?”

Shinichi rips his eyes away from Kuroba’s wilted form and looks at him. “Not really, just the odd murder here and there. They find me more than I find them.” His gaze strays back to Kuroba, like a magnet.

Hakuba lets out a breath. “Sorry about Kuroba-kun, he’s been moody these past few weeks.”

Kuroba squares his shoulders at that, glaring at him. “I have not .”

Hakuba raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Sure.” He turns to Shinichi. “Don’t mind him, he’ll be nicer next time.”

Shinichi smiles, drops his chin on his hand. “I don’t mind at all.”

Kuroba’s gaze lands on him for a moment, before he’s looking down at his lap again, ears red. “Whatever. I only came along because Aoko said I owed her one.”

“You always owe Aoko-san one,” Hakuba says dismissively.

“Shut up.”

Shinichi finds their interactions amusing, and he spends the rest of their time at the shop either chatting mindlessly with Hakuba or watching Hakuba rib Kuroba into speaking to them, with little success. It’s strange, this less cheery almost petulant version of Kuroba, and Shinichi can’t help feeling more and more interested in all the other aspects of his personality he didn’t have a chance to see while he was in the future. He wants all of it, wants to know the ins and outs of what makes Kuroba Kuroba, wants to be able to recognize every single part of him and be able to call it his. 

By the time they’re saying their goodbyes, Aoko and Ran have already exchanged phone numbers and made plans together, while Hakuba and Shinichi have managed to buy two online tickets for an approaching Sherlock Holmes convention and promised to go together. Kuroba, on the other hand, much to Shinichi’s chagrin, still looks reluctant to even glance his way, let alone give him his number. He wonders which of them is supposed to make the first move - by the way things are going, he strongly doubts it’ll be Kuroba. Or maybe, a worse thought, he’s somehow already opened the loop and changed things enough to have created a completely different future, one where Kuroba and him don’t get together at all. 

If that’s the case, he’ll just have to work harder at steering them back in the right direction. He’s not giving up that easily.

---

Shinichi doesn’t see Kuroba again until a month later. It’s infuriating, really, because this whole time he’d been expecting that the moment they met everything would go down a perfect streamline and they’d quickly fall into a friendship, followed by a relationship, but instead, Kuroba seems to disappear off the face of the earth after their initial encounter.

He goes to school, hangs out with Aoko and Ran, attends the convention with Hakuba, and all the while, Kuroba remains missing from his life. 

Aoko says he’s busy with school and his extracurriculars, which she doesn’t elaborate on, and that’s why he can never make it to their meetups, and Hakuba follows along with this excuse like it’s been drilled into him by someone else. 

After hearing this repeated to him multiple times, coupled with barely concealed apologetic looks, it doesn’t take a genius to realize he’s being purposefully avoided. What Shinichi doesn’t get is why.  

He thinks about it all month, wondering what he could’ve done wrong to have Kuroba acting this way, and by the time he comes face to face with him again, by accident outside Aoko’s house, he still has no idea what it was, save for possibly the staring, which Ran has told him might have been a bit too much for a first impression.

“Kuroba,” he says, trying to keep down the pleased smile he’s sure is trying to break across his face, “you’re coming today?”

Kuroba’s mouth twists, an odd look crossing his face. “Uh,” he hooks his thumb over his shoulder, pointing at the house next door. “I live here.”

Shinichi feels his shoulders slump against his will, deflating a little. “Oh,” he says, and can’t help the note of disappointment that slips into his voice. “I see.”

Kuroba shifts from foot to foot, looking awkward and unsure. “Are you guys hanging out at Aoko’s place?”

Shinichi nods. “We’re watching a movie. Just us and Ran.” He purses his lips, looks down at the floor for a moment and then back up at Kuroba’s clear blue eyes. “Aoko said you were busy, but maybe she was wrong?” He eyes the bag of groceries in Kuroba’s hand, the ice pops and the magic themed magazines sticking out of it.

“Ah,” Kuroba stares down at it as well, the skin around his eyes tightening for a moment before he glances up at Shinichi, “I finished what I had to do earlier than expected.”

Shinichi perks up at that, despite knowing the whole thing was a lie from the start. “So, you can come, after all?”

Kuroba doesn’t immediately reply, studying him with an unreadable expression on his face, and Shinichi feels himself get flustered at the attention, not used to being under his gaze after such a long time.

“Okay, sure,” Kuroba finally says around a sigh. There’s something like defeat etched on his features, and Shinichi doesn’t like it at all.

“You know you don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” he says, because he’s an idiot who’s apparently incapable of not looking a gift horse in the mouth. 

Kuroba gives him a strange look. “I want to,” he says, though it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself than Shinichi. “I’ll just drop this off at my house and then come meet you guys.”

“Can I come with?” Shinichi blurts out, impulsively, and then clamps his mouth shut when Kuroba eyes him like he’s just grown an extra head.

“Uh, why?”

He scrambles for an excuse, cheeks growing hotter by the second.  “Aoko said you keep doves,” he gives him a smile, wobbly as it might be, “I’d like to see them, if you don’t mind.”

Kuroba still looks a little bit suspicious of his motives, but he tentatively nods anyway, turning and gesturing for Shinichi to follow. “Right, well, come along, then.”

Shinichi trails after him into the house, then up a set of stairs and off to a room on the side that smells mildly of poop and that distinctive scent of bird feed. It’s a pretty wide space considering what it’s for, and there are white metal cages lining its walls, all open so the doves can roam freely. A window that takes up most of the outer wall allows daylight into the room, framed by long dark curtains that Kuroba must pull all the way closed at night when it’s time to put the birds to sleep.

“Sorry about the smell,” Kuroba says, extending his arm as one of his doves comes flying from its perch and towards him. It lands gracefully, gripping his arm with its tiny claws, and coos softly as Kuroba rubs its head with one finger. “Who’s a good girl? You are, yes, you are,” his voice takes on the kind of pitch most people reserve for babies or pets, and Shinichi can’t help the way his heart squeezes in his chest at the sight of him.

“I don’t mind, it’s to be expected,” he says, moving closer to hesitantly pet the dove as well, finger careful under Kuroba’s watchful gaze. “Well, aren’t you a familiar sight?” He thinks of KID’s doves, particularly the small one he saved that one time KID got shot at, and feels a twinge of guilt pull at his heart, remembering the last time he saw him. 

When he looks back at him, Kuroba has a strange look on his face, a white sheen to it like he’s feeling slightly sick.

“You okay?” Shinichi asks, concerned.

Kuroba shakes his head, returning his gaze to the dove. “Um, yeah, fine.” He slides his finger down her neck, rubbing at a spot between her wings that she seems to particularly enjoy.

“She’s very docile,” Shinichi comments, though he supposes as a magician, Kuroba has his doves trained to be accustomed to humans. He wonders where the Kuroba of the future kept his doves - he certainly didn’t have them in their small apartment.

“She’s the friendliest of them,” Kuroba says with a smile, small, but there, and Shinichi momentarily feels like he could die right now and go happily. This is the first time he’s seen this Kuroba smile, and it’s because of him. 

“You know,” he starts, licking his lips, “I think we might’ve got off on the wrong foot.”

Kuroba looks startled at the change in topic, mouth pulling into a thin line. “What are you talking about?”

Shinichi sighs, taking a step back, hand dropping to his side. “Look, Kuroba. I can tell when someone is avoiding me.” He rubs the back of his neck, suddenly awkward. “I just- I want to be your friend, and, well, if I did something-”

“You didn’t do anything,” Kuroba cuts him off with an alarmed expression. He shakes his arm lightly and Shinichi watches as the dove flies back to its previous perch. 

“I didn’t?” He asks, doubtful.

“You didn’t,” Kuroba assures, hands up, palms out, as if to placate him. “It’s just,” he stops, wrinkling his nose, “I’ve been dealing with- well, it’s okay.” He visibly bites his cheek, scratching at his elbow. “I’m sorry, it was childish of me to avoid you like that.” He glances up at Shinichi, a careful look in his eyes. “I won’t do it anymore.”

Shinichi feels the words like a balm to his wounds, the stress and anxiety of the last month melting away like snow in the spring. “Yeah?” He says, breathless with relief. He still doesn’t know what in the world made Kuroba act like he did, but knowing he’ll stop - that’s enough to have him high with excitement all over, like they’re once again meeting for the first time.

“Yeah,” Kuroba says, nodding determinedly. His hands flex at his sides, and Shinichi takes in the motion with something akin to adoration.

They stay in the room for a little longer, since Shinichi can’t immediately drop the act of wanting to see the doves, and then they go to meet Aoko at her place, who greets them with delight and a slight pause of surprise when her eyes land on Kuroba.

“I decided to come, after all,” he says with a shrug, and she almost looks as relieved as Shinichi was a few minutes ago, glancing between them like she might be able to figure out what happened if she does it enough times.

“I see! The more, the merrier,” she says, letting them into the house and disappearing into the kitchen before Shinichi can even begin to politely comment on the decor.

“She sure is excited,” he says, following Kuroba into the living room.

Kuroba snorts, sitting down on the long couch facing the tv. “She’s always excited about something, don’t mind it.”

Shinichi goes to sit next to him, aching to be closer, but hesitates just before he does, wondering if Kuroba will dislike the proximity. With future Kuroba he never had to think about things like that, he’d always been the one to pull away first, afraid and clumsy in his feelings. But this Kuroba is different, he’s not comfortable and settled in his love for Shinichi - he barely even seems to tolerate his presence - there’s no telling how he’d feel if Shinichi strayed too close to him.

Before he can spiral too much, Kuroba pulls him from his thoughts by patting the space next to him on the couch, inviting him to sit. Shinichi does, an itch in his belly, growing and growing, buzzing like a bee.

He questions, not for the first time, how his future self managed to win Kuroba over. He wishes he could’ve found out while he still had the chance, so he wouldn’t be here stumbling around like a newborn chick who never learned how to make friends.

 Life would be so much easier right now if he’d just known what to expect when he got back.

---

Kuroba gets friendlier after their conversation at his house. Not overly, nor does he become half as easy to talk to as his future self had been, but friendlier all the same. He stops avoiding Shinichi like he’d promised, and even allows them to exchange phone numbers when Shinichi awkwardly asks him about it. It’s not perfect, and most of the time it still feels like he’s holding something back, but he answers when Shinichi texts him, and says yes whenever Shinichi wants to hang out, so it nearly is so anyway.

It’s fun, it’s exciting, and Shinichi, with all his overwhelming rush to get to what he knows is waiting for him, finds his impatience soothed in Kuroba’s presence. The frustration in him recedes, and the desire to speed things along disappears with something as small as a smile thrown his way, a dimple on a cheek, a hand on his shoulder.

Maybe he’s in deeper than he thought, but then again, he’s pretty sure this is it for him. Kuroba is it for him. And it would be scary, perhaps, if he didn’t know exactly how good it - they - could be.

---

They’re walking to the train station after having lunch together, close to a month and a half since they started actively hanging out, when Shinichi says something that makes Kuroba burst out laughing, eyes watering and bending over his belly. He’s seen Kuroba laugh before, but not like this, and rarely at something he’s said. Kuroba has a strange sense of humor, the kind where he laughs at the most childish jokes but is unfazed at the sort of stuff that usually gets an audience at a stand up show roaring. Shinichi doesn’t mind, he likes seeing him make fun of Hakuba when he trips, or laugh at Aoko when she accidentally smudges sauce on her nose, but he never really considered how exhilarating it would be to have Kuroba laughing so freely and loud about something he’s said. He probably should’ve, though, because then he would’ve been prepared for it, would’ve been braced for the rush of heat that spreads up his chest all the way to his cheeks, and would’ve been able to avoid the words that spill out of his mouth before his brain can properly catch up with what he’s saying.

“I love you.”

Kuroba’s laughter cuts off on a choke and his head snaps up from where he’s bent over his legs, cheeks red from the effort and eyes wide.

Shinichi goes as still as a rock, mouth dry and something like fear settling in his chest, cold and dreadful. He didn’t mean to say it, he didn’t mean to say it, he didn’t mean to say it. It’s too soon, Kuroba has barely known him a month, there’s no way he reciprocates his feelings right now. 

Why the hell did he say it?

This is it, this is what fucking ruins everything. He jumped the gun and spilled his guts before the right time and now Kuroba will go back to avoiding him and everything he’d thought his life would be will disappear. He’s broken the timeline, he’s opened the loop, he’s destroyed any chances he had of getting that future he glimpsed. 

“Kudou, breathe,” Kuroba says, and Shinichi takes in a breath that hitches in his throat, burning as it descends into his lungs. He hadn’t even realized he was holding it, hadn’t noticed anything beyond the ball of misery eating away at him.

“I-” he tries to say, but fails to come up with any words that could possibly make this situation any better. There aren’t any. There’s no way to misunderstand what he said, no way to take it differently than exactly how he meant it. Damn it.

Kuroba gives him a nervous look, as if afraid he’ll fall over any moment now, and says, “You okay?”

Shinichi laughs, but it isn’t a happy sound. “Not really.”

“Did you-” Kuroba runs his hand through his hair, looking down at his shoes with an unreadable expression, “I mean, uh, I think I heard you right.” He huffs, as if frustrated at his own inability to articulate himself. “Just- did you mean that?” He looks up, eyes bright under the sun, sharp and focused. “You said you love me.”

Shinichi grimaces. Rubs his eyes and feels the wetness building behind them stick to his fingertips as it slips past his eyelids. There’s not much else he can say right now but, “Yes. I said that.” 

He looks away, feels the pavement beneath his feet as the only thing keeping him from falling into absolute nothingness. It’s all over, he thinks, and it stays in his head, on repeat - it’s all over, it’s all over, it’s all over. 

With a sudden fervent desperation, he misses the Kuroba he’d known in the future. Kuroba, who ate his food with a smile, who laughed easily, touched easily, cared easily. Kuroba, who loved him, but not him . 

The Kuroba in front of him is the same, is the thing. He’s the same in all the ways that matter, and different in ways Shinichi has come to realize are loveable anyway. His smile fills his cheeks, his eyes twinkle when he’s happy, his hair smells like citrus and his clothes smell like roses. He always carries an extra snack when they’re together in case Shinichi gets hungry, he hums under his breath when he walks, he waves at school children when they pass by on the street. He sulks easily, pouts easily, angers easily, but he also cares deeply and shows his affection in small ways, like the bumping of shoulders, the light kick of a foot, a hand between shoulder blades and a pinch on the cheek. 

Shinichi’s love for him overflows sometimes, runs down the sides of his heart and spills all across his ribcage, and he doesn’t know what he’ll do with it once Kuroba disappears from his life. Doesn’t know where he’s supposed to put it when it takes up so much space inside of him.

“I thought you liked someone,” Kuroba says, snapping him out of his increasingly depressing thoughts. 

Shinichi frowns, thinks back to all their conversations and fails to figure out when he ever said such a thing. He tilts his head, tries to ignore the pounding in his chest and the panic that’s been steadily growing ever since this conversation started. “I don’t think I ever said that.”

Kuroba purses his lips, blinks, and says, “You did. You said it when you rejected me.”

Shinichi stares at him, uncomprehending. “I- what? I never-”

“On the roof,” Kuroba clarifies, face darkening as if reliving a bad memory, “at the heist.”

“At the,” Shinichi stops. Everything stops. He looks at Kuroba, seeing him for the first time. The brown hair falling into his eyes, the pink mouth, the hands fiddling with his belt loops. “You’re KID,” he says, not a question. It comes out flat, the shock of the revelation like a hammer to the mouth. He closes his eyes, tries to gather himself enough to speak again, but his thoughts remain scattered despite his efforts. Kuroba is KID. KID is Kuroba. Shinichi rejected KID. Shinichi rejected Kuroba. “Oh, fuck.”

Kuroba makes a confused noise, watching him warily. “I thought you knew,” he says, slowly.

“Why the hell would you think that, you never told me!” 

“You acted like you knew,” Kuroba protests, looking just as bewildered as Shinichi feels at the moment, “back at my place, you said Tama was a familiar sight.”

Shinichi sputters, splaying his arms out. “Yeah! Cause she’s a dove! All doves look the same! She reminded me of KID’s doves, that’s all!” He looks to the side, eyebrows furrowed. “Though, I guess she really was KID’s dove, actually.”

Kuroba makes a face. “So what you’re saying is, you didn’t know I was KID?”

“Yes.”

“And you said you loved me.”

Shinichi winces. “Yes.”

“But you rejected me before because you liked someone else. And we hadn’t met yet, so I know it wasn’t me.”

Shinichi doesn’t know what to say to that, because, well, it was Kuroba. He can’t exactly blurt out it was him from the future - not only would Kuroba not believe him, he’s also pretty sure Kuroba didn’t know about the time travel thing before the fact, and Shinichi’s definitely not about to open the loop now, if he’s actually managed not to do it by confessing too early.

Though, did he? Confess too early? Looking at it now, he’s known KID for a while, and since Kuroba is KID, who confessed to liking him, that means Shinichi didn’t actually jump the gun, right? It means his feelings are reciprocated?

Unless, of course, Kuroba got over him after the rejection, which now that he thinks about it might be very plausible considering the fact he’s been hanging out with Shinichi this whole time thinking Shinichi knew who he was. Shinichi doesn’t think he’d be able to do that if he still had feelings for him.

And he’s right back to circling the drain.

“I don’t like them anymore,” he says, because what else is he supposed to do but lie in this situation. 

“Really?” Kuroba says, and he sounds uncertain, and a little scared, like he’s expecting Shinichi to burst out laughing any second now and say this whole thing was a joke.

“I, towards you,” Shinichi coughs, tries to will away the warmth rising in his cheeks, “I like you.”

Kuroba narrows his eyes at him. “I thought you said love.”

Shinichi scowls. “You’re demanding.” He rubs his forehead with his palm, closing his eyes for a moment to brace himself. “But, yes. I-uh I said love.”

Kuroba bites his lip, heel kicking the ground as his face slowly but surely turns red. “I- no one else?”

Shinichi shakes his head, hope steadily growing the longer Kuroba remains in front of him, asking for reassurance, confirmation. “No one else.”

“Sorry, just,” Kuroba clears his throat, pulling on the hem of his shirt to fan himself, “you did reject me.”

“Don’t remind me,” Shinichi says, despairingly. If only he’d known back then, he would’ve said yes without a second of hesitation. 

Unbidden, the words Haibara said to him while he was in the future come to him - how Kuroba was the one case Shinichi never tried to solve - and he thinks, ah, she knew . Of course she knew. She knew and his future self told her not to tell him anything. He knew this whole disaster of a misunderstanding would happen and he still decided Shinichi would be better off coming back without any knowledge of it.

Because he didn’t want to risk Kuroba. He didn’t want to risk his life with Kuroba.

The loop never opened, he realizes with a start. From the moment he came back, there was never any risk of it opening, because his future self made sure everything was set in a way that Shinichi only found out exactly what he was meant to find out, and fate or whatever controls this whole thing dealt with the rest. 

He...he didn’t ruin everything. He didn’t deviate from the timeline. 

“I, um, I like you too,” Kuroba admits, and Shinichi feels something warm and sweet bloom behind his breastbone. 

 He didn’t ruin everything, and Kuroba likes him.

“Love, too,” Kuroba adds, mouth twitching on a smile. Shinichi wants to kiss it off his lips, but he’s not sure if he’s allowed yet.

“I can’t believe you thought I rejected you and then knowingly forced my way into your civilian life and strong armed you into a friendship,” he says, because he’s a little bit stuck on the fact that Kuroba has liked him this entire time and thought Shinichi didn’t reciprocate, yet decided to stick around anyway. Is he some kind of a masochist? Just thinking about it makes Shinichi’s heart hurt. He doesn’t know if he would’ve been able to do the same, if he’d been in Kuroba’s shoes. Doesn’t know if he would’ve been strong enough to stay.

“I- well, I was also a bit surprised about it at first, didn’t really seem like a thing you’d do, but,” Kuroba shrugs, as if to say, oh well.

“I wouldn’t be that cruel,” Shinichi says, frowning. “Not to you.”

Kuroba smiles, the kind that reaches his eyes, and steps forward, grabbing Shinichi’s hand and holding it in his. “Yeah, I’m getting that now.” He looks up at Shinichi, lashes touching the ends of his bangs. “I’m glad we met.” His smile grows into a grin. “Kuroba Kaito and Kudou Shinichi, I mean.”

Shinichi bites his cheek, trying to contain the happiness that is no doubt close to bursting on his face. He looks down at their hands, the way Kuroba’s fingers circle his, and feels like he’s finally on the path to the life he saw. Or maybe he always was, and he just didn’t know it. Maybe the moment he met KID, all of it was set into motion, and they were both unknowing players in the grand scheme of things. 

He doesn’t mind, if this is what the world has planned for him. He’s more than happy to go along with it, till the very end. 

“Me too,” he says, squeezing Kuroba’s hand, feeling the calluses pressed against his skin, “I’m glad we met too.”

The kiss Kuroba drags him into in response to that is possibly the best thing he's ever experienced in his life, solving cases adrenaline highs included. 

----

Epilogue

Shinichi wakes up to the mildly familiar sight of his guest room’s wallpaper bathed in light from the morning sun.

He’s back.

His stay in the past was nothing to write home about - a few nostalgic filled days of wandering the mansion without much to do but re-read old books and watch tv. Still, at least he didn’t have to worry about seeing anything he shouldn’t have, like he did back when he came to the future. And, ah, it’s so weird to talk about it now that he’s done both. This isn’t the future anymore, this is just - his life. His present. He is now officially the guy he’d been so jealous of back when he was in high-school. The guy Kaito missed and loved. Isn’t that a thought?

He gets out of bed and makes his way out of the room and down the hall towards their shared bedroom. He quietly steps inside, careful to avoid the creaky floorboard, and smiles at the sight of Kaito’s sleeping form, head buried in his pillow and sheets rumpled almost all the way down his back.

He goes up to him, silent, and simply watches for a moment, fondness taking a hold of him. Neither of them is particularly a morning person, but despite that, waking up next to Kaito somehow always manages to bring Shinichi’s mood up. He supposes it’s got something to do with being in love, or maybe Kaito’s pretty face in the morning is enough to lift anyone’s spirits. Still to be decided.  

“Hey,” he whispers, lifting a hand to move some hair out of Kaito’s eyes, “Kaito, wake up.”

Kaito stirs, turning his face into the pillow for a moment before pausing, seemingly registering Shinichi’s mode of address. He lifts his head off the pillow, blinking fast as he takes in Shinichi’s smiling face.

“Hi,” Shinichi says, watching as the soft surprise on Kaito’s features is quickly replaced by excitement, “I’m back.”

“Shinichi,” Kaito says, elbowing his way over the edge of the bed and into Shinichi’s arms, who easily catches him with a laugh. “What the hell! Akako is a demon!” He nuzzles into the side of Shinichi’s neck, the tip of his nose cold against Shinichi’s pulse-point.

“Yeah, well, I’m glad she did it, though.”

Kaito stills, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. “Why? You were gone for, like, almost two weeks. Not that high-school Shinichi isn’t great but-” He closes his eyes. “And you were just thrown into the past without notice, wasn’t it scary?”

Shinichi shakes his head, squeezing him closer. “I knew it was going to happen.”

Kaito frowns. “What?”

“It’s something like a closed loop. It was always going to happen and I remember it happening. I always knew it would.” He snorts at Kaito’s look of confusion. “Remember when you confessed to me? The first time?”

Kaito nods, eyebrows furrowed.  “You mean when I got shot down and went home to cry like a baby.”

Shinichi makes a face at that. “I suppose…” He shakes his head, pushing the image from his mind. “I said I liked someone else, right?”

“Yeah,” Kaito says, though he still looks like he has no idea where this is going.

“I meant you.”

Kaito stares at him, lips parted. “Huh?”

“I’d already been to the future, I’d already met you,” he pokes Kaito’s cheek, amused at the way his eyes widen at the words. “I knew this could be my life but I didn’t know you were KID. So I thought, you know, I’ve got Kuroba Kaito to wait for so obviously I can’t accept KID’s feelings.”

“No way.”

“Way.”

“You rejected me...for me?” Kaito says, pulling back until he’s all the way back on the bed, hand gripping Shinichi’s shoulder to drag him along. 

“I guess,” Shinichi says, going without a fight and slipping under the sheets until they’re both lying side by side. “If you think about it, it’s all your fault, for being so nice to me while I was here.”

Kaito gives him an incredulous look. “It was you ! How else was I supposed to act?”

“I’m not complaining,” Shinichi says, resting his head on Kaito’s pillow and staring up at him, at the way the sunshine filtering through the blinds frames his head like a hallo. “It got us here, didn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Kaito mumbles, laying his head down as well. “How come you never told me?”

“Time paradox, the universe ending…” Shinchi gives him a small smile, bringing a hand up to cup Kaito’s cheek. “But mostly, I didn’t want to change anything about your interactions with my past self. I couldn’t stand the thought of it possibly changing things. Changing this. ”

Kaito is silent for a moment, eyes trained on Shinichi’s cheek. “I see.” He looks up, blue meeting blue. “I wouldn’t have wanted to risk it either, if I were you.”

“I know,” Shinichi laughs, pulling his hand away and settling it on the space between them. Kaito slips his hand under his, and he squeezes it in response.

“You think the gods like us together or something?”

Shinichi shrugs. “I don’t know about gods, but it seems Akako’s satan does.”

Kaito looks genuinely horrified at the thought.

END.