Work Text:
As of 11/13/2021, accusations of Nyanners’ lavatory misdemeanors have been circulating around the iconic group Vshojo. Neighbors to the pink cat-girl have described an odor akin to urine that seems to circulate the Vshojo apartment complex. Our reporters have gathered further information interviewing said neighbors to Nyanners.
“It seems in character for her,” Projekt Melody admitted privately. “It’s just the type of person she is. As long as she can piss directly in the drain, nobody else would be the wiser. She’s on a stealth operation.”
Furthering clarification, we interviewed another member of the Vtuber pop group: Silvervale. The forest spirit was particularly distressed and adamantly insisted Nyanners was responsible for the foul redolence. “Are you kidding me?” she began as she dug her claws through her own desk. “It’s obvious that Nyanners is peeing in the shower. It’s going right down the drain. I can tell; the pipes lead right to my place! My whole apartment smells like cat pee! What is she even drinking that makes her pee smell so bad?”
For one to pee, one must drink. In search of clues to answer Silvervale’s question and uncover the truth of Nyanners, our reporters investigated the situation closely. Our next interviewee was an ancient malevolence: Ironmouse. The horrid abomination stated, “Nyanners? Drinking? She sometimes gets drunk on stream, but if it’s not alcohol, I’m not sure what it could be. I do remember she hung out with Froot. Maybe she’ll have answers.”
Upon additional delving, our own investigators were able to conclude that Nyanners had indeed been spotted at a conspicuous, nearby café. We interviewed Apricot Froot, who had accompanied Nyanners to said café. “It’s true. Nyanners goes to that café every weekend without fail. It’s possible she’s drinking there could make her pee… the way it is. Abysmal. No—abyssal.”
Zentreya approached us in private and provided further information she believed would insist us in the investigation. “Guys,” she began, “this is big. Like, really big. Nyanners said she’s become a regular at a new café. And she said that they serve her special drinks. ‘Gamer fuel,’ she calls it. Veibae will vouch for me.”
Questioning the aforementioned succubus, Veibae could only nod her head along with Zentreya’s previous claims. “It’s true. There’s a certain latte there that’s been booming; it’s taking the internet by storm. I think that Hime works there as a waitress.”
Having at last sequestered the potential source of the odor, our journalists interviewed Hime Hajime herself in the very café in question. Dragon Alien Café was home to very questionable items written on the menu’s blackboard. “W-What?” Hime Hajime stammered as she averted her gaze. “I’m not sure what you mean. There’s nothing written on the menu that should raise any concern.”
She was lying to us, as it was clear there was an anomaly written upon the blackboard. Nyanners, mid-interview, burst through the doors of the café. “I admit it!” she exclaimed. “I drink alien dragon breast milk! That’s why my pee smells so bad!” She broke down into tears upon the floor and wept in hysteria.
Hime Hajime was arrested for selling illegal substances. Nyanners, the apparent victim of Hime Hajime’s financial manipulation, was hooked on the cyborg’s addictive drugs to keep the café afloat. Hime Hajime has since been detained and would not be released from prison in another 3 years. It is now our hope that the odor in Nyanners’ urine will dissipate, and the world will neither know nor care how often she pees in the shower.