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The rehearsal was going very poorly. Zer0 was making mistakes that he normally didn’t make. Wrong tempo and wrong notes on the bass guitar, and poor timing and wrong lines on the interludes.
“I don’t know what’s wrong Spine,” he said contritely, his own frustration showing on his face as they had to stop yet a third time on his own song, Shattered Stars. “I can’t seem to get it right.” He shook his head as he looked down at the bass, fingering the notes silently while he waited for the backer track to reset.
“It’s not like we haven’t done this song a hundred times before Zer0. Should be pretty automatic by now.” The Spine immediately regretted his words as he saw Zer0’s amber eyes dim, a tear leaking to trail down his cheek. Putting a gentle hand to his brother’s shoulder he said, “I’m sorry Zer0, let’s try it one more time, then we’ll call it a night. Whaddya say?”
Zer0 closed his eyes and nodded, his mouth set in a frown. But this is a fun song he told himself. Smile. On the count he started the bass line intro, watching his fingers as he played. He came in with the vocals on time and in tune. He brought his head up, smiling now, but right after the instrumental bridge everything went wrong and they had to stop again.
“Let’s call it a night, Spine,” Rabbit said with concern in her voice. “Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. For all of us.” She looked at Zer0 with an encouraging smile.
“I’m sorry Spine,” Zer0 mumbled softly.
“No worries Zer0, we all have our off days.” The Spine turned to the house, “That’ll be it for tonight Mason.”
From the back of the hall their sound tech replied, “Sure thing Spine, I’ll shut this down. See ya tomorrow.”
They racked their instruments. Zer0 was quiet, head down, shuffling toward the door headed for his room. Rabbit caught up to him. “Hey Zer0, want to play a video game. Come on, let’s go down to the Game Room and see what we can find.”
“No. No, Rabbit. I think I just want to go to my room now.” He didn’t look up as he continued on his way.
The Spine clapped him on the shoulder, “Well get a good night’s sleep Zer0!”
Zer0 just nodded and shuffled out.
Rabbit looked up at that comment, struck by a sudden thought, but she didn’t say anything out loud as she left the rehearsal hall.
Zer0 went to his room. He turned on the overhead light and went over to sit on edge of his bed. He sat there a long time before finally kicking off his shoes. With a heavy sigh he laid back against the pillows. He felt so sad. He had let his band mates down. It’s just that this past week, everything had been off for him. He knew what it was, but was at a loss how to fix it. The Spine had nailed it. He needed to sleep, to power down, to let his processors rest but he just couldn’t seem to do it. He could go to Camille and ask to be shut down but he didn’t want to do that either. Frankly he hated being shut down. Sleep mode was usually better anyway, to let the diagnostic routines run. There was a knock on the door jamb. He wiped an oil tear from the corner of his eye and looked over to see Rabbit there, leaning against the jamb.
“You okay?” she asked kindly. She didn’t believe him when he simply nodded. “You down for the night? You want me to get the light?” She reached for the switch.
“NO! No, Rabbit. Leave the light on please. I just want to lie here a bit. I’ll get it in a few minutes. I just…I just want to lie here. For a bit. Thanks.”
Rabbit looked to the light switch, then to Zer0. “You haven’t been sleeping. I’ve seen the light on very late every night this week. It’s no wonder you are so tired and sad, if you haven’t been sleeping. Can I help?”
Zer0 put his arm over his eyes. “I’m all good Rabbit. No worries.”
“I am worried. Can I come in?” Before he could say no, she went over and sat in the bean bag chair next to his bed. Zer0 raised his arm as he heard her sit. “I love this thing,” she said as she rolled forward in the pliable chair so she could lay a hand on Zer0’s arm. “Come on Bro. What is it?”
“Rabbit, I can’t seem to do my sleep mode. Every night this week I’ve tried but I can’t. And it gets worse after lights-out time. When they come around and shut the lights off? I….I…..can’t….” He looked away, struggling not to cry.
“It’s the darkness, isn’t it,” Rabbit said quietly. It wasn’t a question. “I know about the darkness, Zer0.”
Again Zer0 wiped away a tear. “I don’t think you do, Rabbit.” He looked up at the ceiling and heaved a shuddering sigh. “At least not the darkness that I know.”
“We all have our own darkness, Zer0. Well…not everyone does, but I know I do, and believe it or not, so does The Spine. And some of the humans too. Even Peter. Have you ever wondered why there are no doors in the Manor?” Zer0 looked at her in surprise. She just smiled but didn’t elaborate. “I’m not at all surprised to hear that you do too. Do you want to tell me about it?
“I….I dunno, Rabbit. It seems kinda silly to be a big, strong robot and be afraid of the dark.”
“It’s not silly, Zer0. It can be very real.” She patted his arm. “You don’t have to talk about it, it’s okay.”
“If you want to listen?”
At her nod, he settled back.
“Do you know how I was found?” he asked.
“Yeah, Five heard your beautiful voice when he went to the lower levels of the Manor one day. He found you, didn’t he?”
Zer0 shook his head. “No.”
“No?”
“It was many years before that.”
“Years? But, but who?”
“Beebop found me. Back when he had some limited touring capacity. Until Beebop came, my processors had been powered off. I’d been brought down there after the Elephant War, all broken and not worth repairing I guess, but my core had value as a power source.” He wiped at his eyes. “Beebop found me, and without thinking, restarted my processors. I always thought someone would come for me, bring me upstairs, into the daylight. I wouldn’t let Beebop shut me down again. I didn’t want whoever found me to think I was still dead and just leave me there.” He looked away with a shuddering sigh.
“Beebop didn’t visit often. But he brought me music. He would set it to play before he left, a big stack of records on the player. But he would be gone so long, the music had long stopped playing before he would come back. So I lay there. Alone. In the dark. Listening to nothing but the water dripping from the tiles and the scuffling of animals in the dark.” He shuddered. “They were the worst. The animals in the dark. Mice I guess. Or maybe rats. They would crawl up onto the work bench I was strapped to. They would run across my body, my face. I…I don’t know if you remember how badly I was damaged. I didn’t have…arms, legs…most of my armor was cracked wide open in places. I couldn’t move, Rabbit. I could not swat at them or chase them away. Sometimes….sometimes I could feel them….inside…..” He let out a sob.
Rabbit took his hand in hers, trying not to show in the expression on her face the horror that made her want to scream out loud.
“For almost 16 years, Rabbit,” he cried. “I lay in that darkness, waiting for someone to come. Someone other than Beebop. Someone who would help. Rabbit, Beebop never even told anyone I was there!”
“Oh, my poor little bro,” whispered Rabbit.
“I learned to sing. Singing made it easier. I could play my own music. And for a while it frightened them off. For a little while….”
“Oh, Zer0……”
“I don’t like the dark, Rabbit.” He began to cry again. They sat together in silence. It was getting late.
Rabbit rubbed Zer0’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I might have something that will help.” She vanished for several minutes coming back carrying some things in her arms. She set a small, half-dome plastic object on his nightstand. “I haven’t used this thing in a long time,” she said, brushing the dust off it before reaching down to plug it in. When she hit the switch, nothing happened. At Zer0’s questioning look she just smiled. “You’ll see. And here….” She held out a stuffed animal.
Zer0 protested. “Rabbit, I can’t…I can’t take your Lago.”
“Just for tonight Zer0. Lago will help you get through the first night. He’s very brave and will keep you safe. Tomorrow after you’ve rested, you can come to my room and we’ll find a plushie just as brave to live with you. Okay?”
Zer0 still looked skeptical but he let Rabbit put Lago next to him on the bed. He put an arm around the soft toy and almost immediately felt a little better. That feeling evaporated as the call came for lights out. All the robots were supposed to power down for the night and a Walter Worker was going around shutting the lights. Tonight it was Camille. She looked in Zer0’s room, puzzled by Rabbit’s presence, but Rabbit just nodded with a significant look, so she flipped the switch.
When the light went out, Zer0 gasped out loud as a multitude of bright blue stars appeared on the ceiling, projected from the little dome on his nightstand. He clutched at Lago and whispered, “Rabbit this is so beautiful!”
“Yeah,” she whispered back. "All the constellations are there. See the Big Dipper? And Orion over there with his bright belt of stars?" Leaning in closer she added, “If you count the stars Zer0,you can get into a rhythm that’ll help you power down.” She patted his shoulder again. “Sleep well, Zer0. I’ll see you in the morning.” She watched him snuggle Lago closer. As she left the room she could hear a quiet, “One…two…three…” She stayed just out of sight, listening until the counting stopped. Looking in, she could see Zer0 sound asleep under the stars, with Lago held tight to his chest. She smiled, heading off to her own room for the night.