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The noise from the party slowly grew quieter as Éomer walked down the large clean white hallway, seemingly getting lost as he tried to find his way to the chambers Aragorn had assigned to him on his arrival to Minas Tirith earlier in the day.
His welcome was grand and a few meetings were held, as well as the following party still taking place. But having had enough of the celebrations and loud noise, Éomer just wanted a bit of peace and quiet seeing as the ride to Gondor was tiring and he had not had a proper chance to rest since his departure from Edoras.
Yawning slightly, the King of Rohan continued in his search for his room. There were many rooms he had checked but they were all locked and he couldn’t quite remember if he was even in the right hallway or not.
Éomer groaned and turned around once he had reached the end of the corridor. Where the fuck is it? He ran a hand through his dusty blonde hair and sighed deeply. All he wanted was to get a good night's sleep and not worry about anything for once.
The men that had traveled with him were taken care of by the hospitalities of the people of Gondor and Eowyn was taking care of the kingdom while he was gone. She did a great job at it and Éomer knew he was leaving Rohan in good hands for the month.
Éomer thought about going back to the party and asking Aragorn for the whereabouts of his room or maybe just going and asking one of the nearest guards because he really couldn't find it.
His under armor was starting to get uncomfortable as he ached for a clean set of clothes and possibly a bath. Anything to get the previous long travel’s dirt off of him.
But the more Éomer searched for his room the more annoyed he got. How could it be that hard to find? There weren’t that many rooms. Well looking at it now, there were quite a few actually.
On his way out of the hallway, Éomer stopped at one last door, just to check if it wasn’t locked and if it maybe was his room.
Expecting it to be locked, Éomer put all his force into opening the door out of annoyance. But to the king’s surprise the door burst open, causing him to stumble into the room.
Ok then- Éomer straightened up slowly, looking around the room. At first, he thought it was just an empty unoccupied room and since it was the only one that wasn’t locked or looked to be occupied, he slowly walked in properly and took in more of the room.
He noticed it was fairly empty besides a few weapons and various other seemingly personal items. But the thing that caught his eye most was a set of light leather armour that looked like it had been thrown carelessly onto the bed in the middle of the room.
Éomer recognized the armor to belong to a certain captain he had only seen a few times and exchanged a few words with. And he wouldn’t deny that he had been wanting and waiting to see him again.
Yeah, definitely not my room, The king of Rohan went to leave the room quickly and quietly but was stopped by another sight. One he didn’t really want to know the answer to but was still awfully curious about.
Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Éomer crept towards the bed and gasped quietly when his suspicions were confirmed.
Small dots of blood littered the pristine white sheets. Éomer’s gaze hardened as he looked down at the ground to see the same thing, only more blood dotted the ground. Maybe the captain had been slightly injured when he got back from patrols or maybe it wasn’t even his blood.
Éomer crouched down and wiped some of the blood off the ground, it wasn’t a lot but it proved it was fresh, a bit too fresh for his liking.
Worry started to creep into his mind like a heavy fog as he followed the trail of blood to the large double window doors that led out to an even larger balcony that overlooked the city.
Éomer didn’t know what to think as he cautiously approached the balcony. The white curtains gently flowed and danced due to the slight breeze that the evening brought with it.
The warm colors of the sunset could be seen through the slightly transparent fabric of the curtains but something else could be seen.
Éomer pushed the curtains to the side and stopped in his tracks at the sight before him. His breathing hitched and his eyes widened, the king of Rohan found himself frozen in place for probably the first time in his life.
There was a figure, a beautiful figure in the eyes of Éomer, standing on the stone railing of the balcony. His loose shirt flowed in the breeze as well as his shoulder-length light copper hair.
His head was turned up to the sky and he seemed to be looking up at the sunset, waiting for the stars to finally show themselves, his arms open slightly at his sides
Éomer’s gaze then fell to his arms where his sleeves were slightly pushed up, but that’s not what worried him. It was the thing he saw next.
Blood steadily but quickly dripped and flowed down his arms, adding to the worryingly large puddle of the crimson liquid on the floor of the white balcony.
Jumping into action, Éomer regained his breath and ran towards the railing of the balcony just as Faramir started to lean forward on his own accord.
The fall would be fatal, with no chance of survival at all, but Éomer knew that’s what Faramir wanted. But he wouldn’t give it to him, he wouldn’t let the one person who was always on his mind slip out of his grasp so easily.
“Faramir!” Éomer yelled before wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist, ripping him away from the edge and off the railing.
The two fell to the ground awkwardly but it wasn’t the end of it. Faramir yelped in both shock and pain, pushing back against Éomer, trying his best to get away and throw himself from the balcony. He had finally gotten the courage to do it and he didn’t want it taken away like this.
“L-Let go!” Faramir yelled, fighting against Éomer’s strength, “Just let me do this! Please!”
Éomer shook his head (despite Faramir not being able to see him doing so) and tightened his grip on the other man’s waist, pulling him further away from the balcony. Faramir screamed in frustration and elbowed the king in the chest, causing his grip to loosen and the captain to slip out of his arms.
Faramir ran for the balcony again but a sharp pain in his wrist stopped him. He spun around to face the king of Rohan who now had a painfully uncomfortable grip on his still bleeding wrist.
Blood coated Éomer’s hand quickly and he only realized where he was holding when Faramir gasped in pain and fell to his knees.
Éomer let go quickly and brought his shaky hand up to his face, looking at the blood that now covered his skin. Holy shit-
Lowering his hand, Éomer looked at Faramir with wide eyes. He knew the other man was troubled but this was on a whole different level.
He watched Faramir closely in case he tried to run for the apparent safety of death again but he only moved into the room and sat down on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed in defeat.
Tears streamed down Faramir’s face but he made no sound as he looked out the window, watching the sun finally set. Next time.
Éomer didn’t move, he didn’t know if he could. He never thought he would see something like this let alone be some part of stopping it. He was just so fucking glad he stumbled into the room when he did though.
But he still didn’t know what to do, but he felt the urge to comfort the other man, to simply hold him and tell him everything would be ok. He didn’t know if it would be though, he just hoped he could try and make things better.
Éomer let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. Keep it together, you won’t be able to help if you don’t keep it together. He wanted to help, he really did. He just didn’t know how and he was in too much shock to move or think properly.
Meanwhile, Faramir slowly slid his hand under the bed, keeping his eyes on the balcony as to try and not to draw any more attention to himself. He felt Éomer’s gaze on him but he could tell he was distracted by his own thoughts. He is disgusted with you, he regrets it already. You should have just hurried up and done it.
As quickly as he could, Faramir grabbed the small dagger and was about to lift it up to his throat before Éomer jumped forward and snatched it out of his hand, throwing it to the other side of the room.
Faramir flinched at the loud clatter of the knife hitting the wall and cowered away from Éomer who now stood over him with an unreadable expression on his face. Pathetic.
But this time Faramir didn’t fight it in any other way, and Éomer wasn’t frozen. He knew what he had to do now.
Faramir lowered his head to look at his lap, he didn’t want Éomer to see him like this. He didn’t want this to happen, it wasn’t supposed to happen. He was meant to leave ages ago but it took this long and when he finally did it he couldn’t even succeed. You fail at everything, you’re a failure. Father was right.
But then something happened that caught the captain off guard, the King of Rohan dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around the captain of Gondor and pulling him against his chest, hugging him tightly.
Faramir wanted to pull away and scream at the contact or tell Éomer that he didn’t deserve this and shouldn’t touch him, that he didn’t deserve to be alive. Because he truly believed that the only thing he deserved was death. Weak.
But as soon as Faramir felt Éomer’s arms around him, he burst into tears. He sobbed against the king's chest with all he had, letting go of everything. It had been a while since he properly cried. It had been a while since he felt the comforting touch of another person.
Sobs wracked his body like tremors and he clenched his eyes shut, wanting to ignore everything and just imagine this wasn’t happening. But all he could think about was how he had failed once again. You even fail at a task so simple as killing yourself.
Faramir clutched to what fabric he could find under Éomer’s light armor with shaky blood-coated hands. He held onto the other man like his life depended on it, like Éomer would slip away and never return if he let go.
Faramir didn’t deserve anyone but he didn’t want the other man to leave, something about him comforted the captain. Something made him feel like he could trust Éomer. He wanted to be in his arms forever.
Éomer rubbed circles into Faramir’s back soothingly and whispered sweet nothings into his ear. He told him everything would be ok and that things would get better. Even though he didn’t truly know if they would come true.
“It’s going to be ok, I've got you” Éomer whispered. He kissed the top of Faramir’s head gently, hoping it would help comfort him as well as somewhat tend to his own desire to look after the other man.
Éomer pulled back slightly and bit his lip as Faramir’s cries got quieter after he had kissed the top of his head. The king thought he had done something wrong and instantly regretted his actions. Fuck he isn’t into me, he isn’t into men. Well of course he isn’t. Just look at him. How could someone so beautiful and perfect as him like me back? It was foolish of me to ever think that in the first place let alone act on it. But fuck now isn’t even the time to think about stuff like this how could I be so selfish, fuck!
Éomer internally cursed at himself and looked down at the man in his arms. Faramir had stopped sobbing but tears still fell as if he had grown used to crying without a sound.
“E-Everything is n-not going to be ok” Faramir choked out, “Nothing is o-ok” He added, his voice breaking from the earlier cries.
Hearing this broke Éomer’s heart. It broke his heart because it sounded like Faramir actually believed this, like nothing would ever get better.
Éomer shook his head and frowned deeply, taking Faramir’s face in his hands gently as if he was holding a statue made of glass.
The captain of Gondor didn’t pull back or resist, mainly from the loss of blood and energy, but also because he didn’t want to. He had longed for Éomer’s touch since the moment he first saw him. He just wished he didn’t have to see him like this. He didn’t want to have to say goodbye in fear of saying things he might regret.
He wished things were different, and that certain things didn’t happen. Most bad things that happened were his fault anyway, as he was always told and convinced.
He wished he could have enjoyed Éomer’s embrace and comforting words without the shadow of death hanging over him like an awful black cloud.
He wished they could have talked normally, like two friends, or maybe even more than friends. But he also knew that Éomer didn’t like him back, he couldn’t. How could he, after all, he was just a pathetic excuse for a man and a waste of oxygen and space. A failure and disappointment.
It was only a dream that he and Éomer could be more. And it was only another thing to count in his never-ending list of things that could always go wrong.
Faramir just wanted to do what others couldn’t do and rid himself from the world. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else, and he didn’t want to be hurt by anyone else. He didn’t want to live a life where everyone he cared about looked down on him. He didn’t want to live a life where he knew he was just a burden, just a waste of everyone’s time and energy.
He didn’t want to be alive anymore, and he hadn’t wanted to be alive for a while. He never really was alive to begin with. His spirit was crushed at an early age by someone who he thought cared about him.
Faramir could feel himself starting to drift off into unconsciousness or hopefully the numb feeling of death as he hoped would happen. He let out an exhausted sigh and let his head rest against Éomer’s hands as he fell in and out of unconsciousness.
He hoped it was death finally coming to take him away to another land, but he was shaken awake by a very concerned Éomer.
“Faramir? Faramir please don’t” Éomer begged. He looked around the room desperately for something to bandage or possibly stop the bleeding but found nothing.
Éomer looked around in panic before his eyes settled on the bed. That will have to do.
Moving Faramir slightly so he could rest his head on his chest, Éomer used his free hands to grab the end of the sheet from the bed and started ripping it into strips.
The noise of the soft fabric ripping, caused Faramir to open his eyes and tiredly look up to see what the king was doing, his eyes going wide when he saw the sheets being ripped.
“N-No” He whispered, “A-Aragorn will be m-mad” He didn’t want another reason for Aragorn not to like him. He already felt like a burden to everyone, especially the king of Gondor. But he really didn’t see that Aragorn loved him like a brother and would willingly have him around for years and years.
“Don’t worry, Aragorn won’t mind at all,” Éomer replied, finally managing to rip one more strip off the sheet.
Éomer grabbed the strips of fabric and placed them beside himself. He acted quickly and made a reach for Faramir’s arm, only to have the captain yank his arm back defensively, glaring up at Eomer.
“D-Don’t,” The captain said weakly, pulling away again when Éomer tried to help him. This only made the king of Rohan frown more, saddened at the fact that Faramir wasn’t accepting his help.
“Please Faramir, I need to help you,” Éomer said sadly, “I can’t let you die”
Yes, yes you can, Faramir thought, letting his head fall to the side to rest on the edge of the bed, having given up on trying to convince Éomer that he truly deserved to die. He just wanted Éomer to just leave and let him go. Just anything to let this all be over with.
Éomer’s heart shattered even further, he knew what Faramir was thinking. He didn’t know how someone could hurt this bad. Whenever he saw the young captain he had a smile on his face and was always happy to help others and go out of his way to make sure everyone was ok.
But now seeing him like this, broken and defeated, it broke his heart beyond repair. There was no sign of that cheerful helpful captain of Gondor. All that was left was a broken man, too lost in his own thoughts to seek help.
Éomer sighed sadly and gently reached out for Faramir’s arms, taking advantage of the fact that the captain’s head was now resting on the edge of the bed. He looked to be in a deep sleep but Éomer could tell he was just resting. The steady rise and fall of his chest were enough to show Eomer that he was alive and in not that bad of a condition considering how bad it looked.
Faramir looked so peaceful in Éomer’s eyes, strands of his soft copper hair covering his face which slowly danced around whenever the soft breeze would catch them.
Éomer had to force himself to look away when he felt blood start to soak into his breeches. He knew he had to do something to stop the bleeding or he might lose Faramir.
The king sighed for what felt like the hundredth time today and picked up the makeshift bandage, turning Faramir’s arm over to start cleaning the blood away before he could wrap it in one of the other strips of the white sheet.
He didn’t know what he expected to see when he turned over the captain’s arm but he hoped it wasn’t this.
Éomer’s breathing caught in his throat and he felt a tear roll down his cheek. Over a dozen large deep cuts decorated Faramir’s forearms, and over a dozen more healed and healing ones could be seen underneath the fresh ones.
The king carefully rolled up Faramir’s sleeve beyond his elbow and did the same to his other arm, seeing nearly a mirror image of the first arm.
Oh, Faramir- Éomer began gently cleaning the blood off the best he could with what small resources he had, not wanting to leave Faramir alone to try to get something else. He would do that later when he was sure Faramir was ok and that he wasn't going to try anything.
He felt the captain twitch a few times when he cleaned the larger, deeper cuts but Éomer soon had both arms bandaged and Faramir in his arms again as he desperately tried not to cry. He wanted to stay strong for Faramir. He wanted to do everything in his power to protect and help him. He just wanted to love and take care of him.
He knew the captain was asleep but he still held him close in his lap, lovingly rubbing circles and drawing patterns on his back. He felt the soft rise and fall of Faramir’s chest against his and stroked his hair comfortingly.
“Everything is going to be ok, I will keep you safe” Éomer whispered, “Nothing and no one will ever hurt you again”
Éomer only knew what Gandalf and Aragorn had told him in the house of healing after the great battle once everything had calmed down. He only knew of what Faramir’s father had attempted doing and it shook him to the core.
Why would a father try to do that to his own son? He didn’t know but what he did know is that there was more to the story, but it wasn’t anyone’s story to tell but Faramir’s. And he respected that. If Faramir didn’t want to talk then he wasn’t going to force him.
And as much as Éomer wanted to keep Faramir in his arms, he knew he had to send him down to the house of healing soon so he could be properly taken care of. Éomer would never leave his side though, no matter what happened he would never leave him.
He didn’t want to leave his side to begin with when he saw him for the first time. He always felt the urge to protect the captain no matter what. He wanted to be there for him through everything. Something drew him to the captain and he didn’t know what but he was glad it did.
Éomer was so lost in his thoughts about the man in his arms that he hadn’t noticed Faramir had started shaking.
Thinking it was just the breeze and that the captain was cold, Éomer gently picked him up and placed him on the soft bed after moving his armor and the ruined sheet off the bed.
The king of Rohan quickly walked over to the windows and closed them, choosing to leave the curtains open so he himself could look outside while he waited for Faramir to wake up.
Speaking of Faramir, Éomer had noticed that the captain had still not stopped shaking. The king grabbed one of the spare blankets from the end of the bed and pulled it over Faramir, gently kissing the top of his head.
He didn’t know why he did it again but he blamed love. He blamed love at first sight. The king of Rohan had never believed in love at first sight before but that is until he met Faramir. Now he definitely believed in it.
Running a hand through his hair, Éomer walked to the other side of the room where he had chucked the knife earlier. He picked it up and any other sharp objects or weapons and stored them in a chest which he then moved to the furthest corner away from Faramir.
He grabbed the torn up sheet and tried his best to be quiet while tearing up a few more strips in case Faramir bled through the makeshift bandages he currently wore.
Éomer let his mind wander to a dark place while he sat at the end of Faramir’s bed, ripping up the sheet. He found himself thinking about what would have happened if he didn’t accidentally stumble into the room when he did. He thought about what it would have felt like when someone found his body or when someone announced he had passed in such a horrible way.
Éomer didn’t want to think about it, but he couldn’t help it. His mind and thoughts were in control now and they were slowly corroding his mind with the thought that he could have lost the one person he wanted to be with.
He didn’t know if Faramir felt the same and it didn’t matter if he did or didn’t because Éomer would still want to protect him and be there for him.
Luckily for Éomer, he was torn out of his thoughts soon after they started flooding his mind. But he didn’t like the sounds that tore him out of his thoughts.
Soft whimpers could be heard coming from Faramir and the king only grew more concerned when he looked up from what he was doing to see a pained expression on the captain’s beautiful features.
It didn’t take long for Faramir’s breathing to pick up and his pained noises to become louder. Éomer grew more concerned and worried by the second.
The king slowly moved closer to the sleeping captain, not getting too close in fear of making him feel crowded if he woke up suddenly.
“P-Please don’t” Faramir whimpered, balling his hands up in the blankets, “I-I’m s-sorry”
Éomer frowned and dropped what he was doing completely when Faramir started crying out. Éomer didn’t know if he was to wake Faramir or not, thinking it might scare him or make things worse if he did or didn’t.
“I-I’m sorry f-father” Tears began falling down the captain’s cheeks and he started shaking his head frantically, “Boromir- i-it wasn’t my f-fault”
Éomer gasped and put a hand on Faramir’s shoulder. He had heard about what happened to Boromir, having been good friends with the captain’s older brother and welcoming him with open arms whenever he visited Edoras. It was terrible what happened to him, and there was truth in what Faramir said. It wasn’t his fault.
“Faramir? Faramir wake up” Éomer gently shook his shoulder to try and wake him but it only resulted in Faramir becoming more distressed and muttering and crying more.
“P-Please stop, I’m sorry” He cried, “It won’t happen again, just please don’t hurt me again!”
And with that, Faramir jolted upright and tore himself away from Éomer who just stared at him with wide eyes.
Faramir’s breathing was shallow and fast, tear tracked his cheeks and he had a fearful look in his eyes.
“It’s ok, it was just a nightmare” Éomer reassured him. But he feared it was not a nightmare, but a memory. One that had clearly been infecting and haunting the captain’s mind for a very long time.
Faramir shook his head rapidly and pushed himself back against the headboard of the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself protectively, only to wince at the pain of moving his arms too fast.
“P-Please don’t hurt me” He pleaded, his voice broken from screaming and crying. His eyes held genuine fear towards Éomer, not trusting him that much as to not hurt him like many others had.
Éomer never wanted Faramir to be scared of him. It hurt him but it was nowhere near the amount of pain Faramir was in. So Éomer pushed his own feelings aside and focused on calming the distressed captain down.
“I’m not going to hurt you, no one is” Éomer moved more onto the bed and lifted his hands up, as to show Faramir that he had no weapons or intent to do him any type of harm.
“I promise no one will ever hurt you again” The king of Rohan lowered his hands and held one out to Faramir but the captain refused it with a shake of his head.
He buried his face in his knees and shook his head again, “Do not make promises you cannot keep” He whispered, his words barely audible.
“I intend to keep this promise till the day I die,” Éomer said softly, moving closer to the captain but not too close in case he wanted space.
Faramir looked up at the king only to burst into tears once again. Something in Éomer’s words had set him off and he let the other man pull him into a hug once again.
The captain didn’t question Éomer’s kind words, not wanting to hear another lie come from the beautiful man holding him in his arms.
He knew he would just drive the king away or become too much of a burden, causing him to leave or give up on him like everyone else. It hurt him because he wanted Éomer to stay more than anything.
“You can trust me Faramir” Éomer pushed Faramir’s hair behind his ear and smiled warmly down at the other man, “Talk when you want to, I will not force you to open up” He added just as warmly.
Faramir didn’t know why but he slowly nodded, leaning more into the king’s embrace. He knew he couldn’t trust anyone anymore but he was just to emotionally exhausted to protest or argue.
“The captain of Gondor should not weep in such a way” Faramir pulled back only a bit, wiping the tears from his eyes. He gave Éomer a fake smile as to say he was fine but the king could see straight through the lie.
“You are more than allowed to weep just as much as any other man is, there is no shame in it” Éomer shook his head and gently reached up to rest his hand on the side of Faramir’s face, “It is good to let out unwanted emotions”
Faramir slowly nodded, only half believing the other man’s words. It was hard to believe anything he said because of how fragile his mind and heart was.
His heart has been shattered numerous times and put back together haphazardly, only to be broken down again. After the first few times, Faramir gave up on trying.
“I-I just- I just miss him so much” The captain mumbled. He didn’t know why he was still talking but he couldn’t seem to stop once he had started, “It should have been me”
Éomer shook his head but kept silent, wanting Faramir to continue talking if he wanted to. He was going to listen until it was his turn to speak.
“A-And I just don’t know what to do without him” Faramir continued, “He was all I had, he was the only one who cared”
It pained the captain to speak about Boromir but he just didn’t know how long he could keep it in for. His brother was the only one he could ever trust but he got torn away like everything else good in the captain's life.
“He was the only one that didn’t h-hurt me,” Faramir whispered, feeling ashamed to even be saying this.
Éomer furrowed his eyebrows in worry at the captain's words but didn’t question it as all would be revealed when Faramir wanted it to be. Maybe that would be today, or maybe tomorrow, or maybe even never. Éomer would still respect his choices on the matter either way.
“I want to see him again, I want to join him away from this place” The captain didn’t have any more tears left to cry as he spoke. He had so much to say but he didn’t know how to say it all. So much had happened over the years he had been alive and he didn’t know how to put it into words because of how overwhelming it all was.
“I’m sure that is not what Boromir would want” Éomer finally spoke up, “He would want you to stay strong and survive through this, he is still here with you, he never truly left”
Éomer knew of Boromir’s admiration for his younger brother. He knew that it was always his first priority to protect him and care for him like siblings should. He spoke highly of the captain whenever he visited and always made an effort to talk about all the good things he had done.
“I don’t know If I can anymore” The captain sighed heavily, letting his head rest on Éomer’s chest, “I’m trying but it never goes away”
“I know it’s tough but you will get through this, you are the strongest man I know and I will be here to support you no matter what” Éomer said truthfully.
Faramir looked up at the king slightly in disbelief. He wanted to believe him, he really did but it was still hard to do so.
The captain said no more as the exhaustion flooded his mind. He had so much to say but so little energy. All he wanted to do was stay in the king’s arms and rest all his problems away, although he knew they would only come back for him as soon as he shut his eyes. Hopefully staying in Éomer’s arms would change that though.
“I’m sorry” Faramir closed his eyes but quickly opened them again in fear when he felt Éomer push him down gently.
“It’s alright, you need rest” Éomer smiled kindly and laid down on the bed beside him, “You’re safe with me” He added.
The captain hesitantly nodded before relaxing and laying down next to the king of Rohan. Never in a hundred years would he have thought this is where he was going to end up.
Faramir felt his tense muscles relax as well, feeling the comforting sheets of the bed and the warmth of the man next to him.
It was only a matter of seconds before he fell asleep, curling up against Éomer for both protection and warmth.
Éomer couldn’t help but smile at this, wrapping an arm around the sleeping captain gently, pulling him closer.
He would soon quickly leave to fetch some proper aid for Faramir but he just wanted to make sure his rest was peaceful for now, as well as enjoy this moment he had with him.
Éomer pushed a few strands of the captain's hair behind his ear again, glad to see a relaxed expression on his face instead of a scared or pained one.
The king of Rohan just hoped he could ease the captains pain even in the slightest, wanting only happiness and the best in life for the other man.