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“I think you should find a date,” Alex says one morning. “You seem lonely.”
Kara, who has just walked into the kitchen, walks right back out.
“Oh, come on. I brought you bagels,” Alex calls, and a few seconds later, Kara comes slinking back in.
“Thanks,” Kara says and reaches for the rainbow swirly one that is probably going to dye her tongue bright green for the rest of the day. “How did you even get into my apartment?”
“Key.” Alex shrugs, and Kara definitely does not remember giving Alex a key.
“I don’t think I —“
“A date,” Alex interrupts hastily. “I think a date would be good for you.”
“We’ve already been through this.” Kara blinks blearily at Alex because it is way too early to be having this conversation, and she hasn’t even had coffee yet. “I don’t have time to date.”
“Yeah, you do.” Alex narrows her eyes. “You spend half of your day grief baking and the other half playing Subway Surfers.”
“That’s none of your business,” Kara says defensively, and then adds, “Plus I don’t do that every day.”
“Right.”
“And it’s not like I have anyone to date, even if I wanted to,” Kara says and then proceeds to cram half of the bagel in her mouth. Her mouth is hopelessly full when she continues, “Nobody wants to date me.”
Alex winces and hands her a napkin. “Maybe that’s why.”
“Shut up,” Kara snaps, except it’s very ineffective because her mouth is still full of rainbow bagel. “Can we not talk about this? I just woke up.”
“Fine,” Alex huffs, and then promptly begins babbling about the new movie starring Cate Blanchett who is “so, so hot, oh, my god, Kara, help.”
And, well, at least they’re past trying to find Kara a date.
At least until later that night, and Alex comes marching into her apartment, Winn and James and Maggie in tow, and projects the most ridiculous powerpoint Kara has ever had the horror of setting her eyes upon onto the tv.
“Why Kara should get a date,” Alex reads off the slide, and then whips out a laser pointer and frantically shakes it across the screen
There’s a picture of Kara photoshopped onto Portia’s face in a picture of Portia and Ellen kissing, except Alex had clearly given up halfway through because Portia is still very visible beneath Kara’s chinless face and half of Ellen’s face is gone beneath Kara’s.
Quite the masterpiece.
Alex clicks the pointer, and a subtitle floats in from the bottom of the screen. “Made by her very best sister, Alex.”
A huge picture of Alex bounces in and canvases the entire screen.
Maggie claps.
Kara is mortified.
“Alex, what —“
She is promptly shushed by four different individuals.
Alex clicks the pointer again, and Kara watches in utter disbelief as a thirty-second dissolve, 3d cube transition occurs.
The next slide is just a picture of Kara very small on the screen and then that one meme of the little girl in front of the fire, and Alex has drawn an arrow connecting Kara’s face to the burning house.
“Kara is lonely,” Alex says.
Winn and James nod along somberly, and Kara considers throwing herself off her balcony.
Alex clicks the pointer again, and another picture of Alex pops out of nowhere and envelopes the whole screen. “Alex is still hot.”
Maggie claps again.
They sit through another thirty-second origami paper crane slide transition.
This next slide just says THE END in neon pink calligraphy and is just a collage of Alex on the screen.
“The end,” Alex reads, bows, and smiles politely.
Kara, who is not as polite, says, “What the hell was that?”
“A presentation,” Alex says as if it’s obvious, and, well, it definitely was a presentation. “Did you not just watch it?”
“It was terrible,” Kara tells her bluntly.
James frowns and says, “I thought it was a very persuasive presentation, Alex,” and Winn adds, “Very compelling. Very emotional,” and he looks as if he might actually be crying.
Kara gapes. “ What is going on?”
“You should find a date,” Maggie says and hands her a printout of the presentation. “Here are the notes if you need them.”
“I don’t — no, I don’t need them, thanks. I don’t need a date, I don’t need the notes, I’m good.”
Alex pouts, and Maggie says, “Come on, Kara,” and Winn shakes his head disappointingly, and James just looks at her reprovingly, and — “ Fine, ” Kara heaves a long-suffering sigh. “Fine.”
“Yay!” Alex exclaims with a terrifying smile on her face. “We have everything sorted out. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.”
Her first date, Kara finds out five minutes into dinner, is not gay.
And that is a problem because Kara is very gay.
“Let me get this straight. You don’t like women,” Kara says, and then pauses for a moment. “Pun not intended.”
Her date, or not date, Lucy, shrugs and looks infuriatingly nonchalant about all of this. “... No?”
“Then why are you here?” Kara asks, exasperated because she was really looking forward to staying past the appetizers, thank you very much.
“Alex told me to come,” Lucy says. “Wait, is this supposed to be a date?”
Kara nods. Lucy blinks.
“Okay. Well, I should probably go,” Kara says a little awkwardly because she’s just sat down, and now she’ll never get to try the lobster here without remembering this trauma. “It was nice meeting you.”
“Yeah, you too,” Lucy says, already swiping through pictures on Tinder. “See you around.”
Kara gives a weak little wave and then speeds out to have a word with Alex.
“She wasn’t gay?” Alex says, baffled.
“No,” Kara growls and fights the urge to stomp her foot on the ground. “She was straighter than Barbie.”
“That’s not really saying much,” Alex points out, and then at least has the decency to look sheepish when Kara glares at her. “I’ll find you someone better next time.”
Kara nods, satisfied, and then, with dawning horror:
“Next time?”
Alex is already gone.
Smart woman.
Her second date, at least, is gay.
Or she says she likes Girl in Red unprompted and is wearing a flannel, so gay enough for Kara.
“You’re Kara, right?” She holds out a hand and smiles brightly, all blonde and bubbly. The jewel in her septum piercing glitters in the sunlight. “I’m Tori.”
“Hi,” Kara says and beams back because Tori’s excitement is infectious, and also Tori is very pretty. “How are you?”
“Good,” Tori says, and she giggles and takes a sip from her virgin cosmopolitan. That should have been red flag number one. “I’ve been busy with schoolwork.”
“Yeah. That’s really —” Kara pauses. Something crashes and burns in the back of her mind. “Wait. How old are you?”
“ Nineteen ,” Kara snaps, stalking into Alex’s apartment.
“Nineteen…?” Alex looks up from the book she’s pretending to read and fixes Kara with a blank stare. “I’m going to need more context, Kara.”
“Tori is nineteen. That’s practically illegal.”
Alex blinks. “But it’s… not illegal.”
“It’s almost illegal!” Kara says and furrows her brow when Alex just stares at her. “When I was in college, she was like ten years old. That’s creepy.”
Alex frowns and shrugs because apparently this isn’t creepy, which it totally is. “She’s pretty. And really sweet. And it’s not actually illegal.”
“ Nineteen ,” Kara repeats, and then storms away.
Zia is gorgeous and funny and hates pineapple on pizza, so it’s a win-win-win for Kara.
“I have seven pet snakes,” Zia says, and her accent is buttery smooth and so hypnotizing that Kara sways a little in her seat. “I’m vegan, and I love collecting figurines of naked women.”
Kara just smiles dopily.
Zia slides her plate of vegan chicken across the table to her. “Do you want to try some of my food?”
Kara nods, and she doesn’t realize she’d nodded until Zia is cutting her a piece of fake chicken that definitely does not look like chicken.
“It’s good, right?” Zia asks when Kara very hesitantly places a piece in her mouth. “My wife loves it.”
Kara spits out the not-chicken.
“I’m sorry,” Kara wipes her mouth with a napkin, “you have a wife?”
“And two little girls,” Zia says, beaming. “I’m sure you’ll love them. We’ve been looking for a babysitter everywhere and I think you’re a perfect match.”
“Yeah, no,” Kara says, and then walks out of the restaurant to punch her sister.
“I’m going to cry,” Kara announces, and then unceremoniously plops herself onto Lena’s fancy little office couch.
“Hi, Kara. It’s good to see you, too,” Lena says, not looking up from her computer as she types furiously.
“You’re not going to ask why I’m going to cry?” Kara asks, bordering very closely on whining.
“Why are you going to cry, Kara?” Lena looks up from her computer for a second to regard Kara with a disapproving look. “Feet off the coffee table.”
“Sorry,” Kara mumbles half-heartedly and sets her feet on the ground, and then continues very passionately, “Alex keeps on setting me up on dates, and it’s horrible!”
“I don’t see a problem, Kara. I think a date would benefit you,” Lena looks up at Kara’s shocked face. “What?”
“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Kara says, horrified and feeling deeply betrayed. “I can’t believe you would betray me like that!”
Lena shrugs, which really doesn’t make things better.
“Leenaa. Come on. You have to help me.” In a last fit of desperation, Kara sighs, ”Alex set me up with a straight girl.”
That catches Lena’s attention, and she laughs, and then laughs harder when Kara glares at her.
“This is not funny,” Kara hisses and throws a pillow in Lena’s general direction. Lena dodges out of the way and it hits the wall with a quiet thud.
“It is, actually.”
Kara glares harder, and then, somewhere in her mind, a lightbulb switches on.
“Lena?” Kara says slowly. “You’re the best friend I could have ever asked for.”
“What do you want? Spit it out.”
“Who said I wanted anything?” Lena stares at her. “Fine. Lena Luthor,” Kara slides onto one knee, “Will you go on a fake date with me?”
“No,” Lena says.
“Just for tonight! It’ll be fun! We’ll just have dinner like we usually do, and that’s it!” Kara pleads desperately, literally on her knees. “I even got on one knee for you!”
Lena doesn’t reply, so Kara pouts, and, well, pouting is a Danvers’ thing, and Lena’s really just human.
“Fine,” Lena sighs in defeat. “But I get to choose the restaurant.”
“Of course,” Kara says pleasantly, and then stands and straightens invisible creases on her shirt. “See you tonight at eight.”
“I think I found someone perfect for your next date!” Alex chirps when Kara walks into the apartment. “She’s really —“
“Alex,” Kara interrupts, slipping off her coat and hanging it on the rack. “I have a date tonight.”
Alex stares. “ You have a date?”
“Yes,” Kara says, a little offended because it’s not that bewildering. “I do. Tonight.”
“With who? Do I know her? Is she hot? Oh, my god, you’re going to come out as straight, aren’t you?”
“No!” Kara says, flabbergasted. “No. It’s a woman.” Alex raises an eyebrow. Kara sighs because this wasn’t really how she imagined she’d reveal this to Alex. “It’s Lena.”
Alex’s jaw drops. “Lena Luthor?”
“Yeah.”
“How did you manage to pull her?” Alex asks wondrously.
Kara frowns. “How? I’m hot, remember?”
“Mhm.” Alex nods absently, then turns on her with narrowed eyes. “Are you lying about the date?”
“No,” Kara says. “I promise. We’re going to dinner tonight.”
“What if you’re pretending to date just so you don’t have to go out with the girls I’m setting you up with?”
“We’re not,” Kara says feebly, scratching her neck. “I would never do that to you.”
“Fine. You better not be lying.”
Kara nods because she’s not lying. Definitely not.
Dinner is going… well, actually.
Kara frowns a little when she realizes this, and Lena must notice because she frowns, too, and tilts her head to the side.
“Kara?” Lena sets down her glass of wine and leans forward. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Kara says. “Nothing. It’s just…”
Lena narrows her eyes. “Spill.”
“This feels too easy.” Kara glances around the restaurant suspiciously as if Alex would suddenly appear next to them, which is absolutely ridiculous, obviously. “I mean, this is Alex. She hasn’t intervened at all.”
“Maybe she actually wants her sister to have a good date?” Lena reaches across to dip her fry in Kara’s mayo cup.
They’ve ended up at, out of all places, Big Belly Burger. Which really isn’t a surprise considering Lena’s weird obsession with their strawberry milkshakes, and it’s a refreshing change from the fancy, one-meal-costs-more-than-your-rent restaurants that Alex had been dragging Kara to for her other dates.
This whole date, actually, is refreshing, because Lena is just refreshing, and just being able to talk freely about anything and everything with Lena is something that Kara will never tire of.
“Yeah,” Kara says dubiously. “Maybe.”
And then, of course, Alex does suddenly appear next to them.
“Oh, my god! Kara!”
Kara winces. Lena stares.
Alex drags a chair over to their table and plops down, looking very pleased. “What a coincidence!”
Except it’s not a coincidence because Alex hates fast food and burgers and anything that has the slightest bit of oil in it.
“Maggie and I were just about to have a date here! We could have a double date!”
“Yeah, no, Alex. I —“
“Kara!” Maggie also appears out of nowhere and pulls a seat over the other side of the table. “Lena! Wow! It’s like fate brought us together!”
“Wow,” Kara says dryly. “Can you please leave, now? Lena and I are in the middle of a date.”
“You don’t want to double date?” Alex asks, looking very sad. “I came all the way to this… amazing restaurant.”
So much for a coincidence.
“No,” Kara says at the same time that Lena says, “We’d love to.”
Kara glares at Lena, who just shrugs and looks very unrepentant.
“Fine,” Kara says through gritted teeth. Alex perks up immediately. “But just this once.”
“I knew you’d come around,” Alex says, and then flags the waitress over. “Can you get me something that’s not disgusting? That may be a little hard here.”
Kara grimaces. Lena looks mildly amused.
“Read the menu,” the waitress says, her voice clipped.
“Okay…” Alex rolls her eyes as if she isn’t being a total Karen and still does not read the menu. “Do you have steaks? Or lobster?”
The waitress stares at her uncomprehendingly.
“Come on. How about salmon? Or —“
“Yeah, sorry,” Kara cuts in before the waitress can strangle Alex. “She’ll have a cheeseburger.”
Alex makes a strangled noise from beside her. Kara pointedly ignores her.
“And Maggie will also have a cheeseburger. Thanks.”
“I’m vegetarian,” Maggie says, but the waitress is already walking away.
“Too bad.” Kara turns back to Lena, who looks like she’s trying very hard not to laugh. “And what about you, honey? How are your fries?”
Lena takes it in a stride, smirking. “They’re good, darling. And you?”
So maybe she’s bitten off more than she can chew because her brain immediately short circuits when ‘darling’ comes into play.
“Good,” Kara says shakily, ignoring the knowing look Alex is shooting her.
“So how did this happen?” Alex asks interestedly. “I can’t say that I saw this coming.” Her smirk says the complete opposite.
“How did what happen?” Kara feigns ignorance, even though she knows full well what Alex is asking.
“You and Lena?”
“Ohh.” Kara nods. “Yeah, that. It just… happened.”
Smooth, Kara.
“For a reporter, you certainly have a way with words,” Lena observes. Kara shoots her a dark look.
“You tell them, then,” Kara says, and Lena’s eyes widen imperceptibly.
Check and mate.
“You know Kara and me.” Lena lets out a nervous little laugh that puts a smug smile on Kara’s lips. “All those late night talks and conversations turned into… something else.”
Lena’s smirking, now, and it’s that smirk that says I win , so Kara really should’ve been prepared to lose.
“You know,” Lena says conversationally, taking a long sip of her milkshake. “Kara really enjoys having sex at the office.”
Kara chokes on a fry.
“ What? ” Kara demands once she manages to avoid choking to death.
“She doesn’t like to admit it,” Lena says, patting her shoulder consolingly. “It’s true, though.”
What the hell, Kara thinks, and then, two can play this game.
“It is,” Kara confirms, and Lena’s eyebrows rise. “Lena really likes it when I fuck her over her desk.”
A family near them shoots her a scandalized look, and an older lady behind them yells, “Damn right!”
Lena sputters, “I beg your pardon?”
Kara smirks. “Then beg.”
Lena’s face turns bright red.
“I knew it!” Maggie says, beaming.
Lena and Kara turn to stare at her.
“I knew Kara was the top,” Maggie says proudly, puffing out her chest. “You owe me twenty dollars, Al.”
Alex looks pissed as she reaches for her wallet and hands Maggie a crumpled twenty-dollar bill. “I believed in you, Lena.”
Kara says, affronted, “Why don’t you believe in me?”
Alex just shrugs and mumbles something about golden retrievers as the waitress comes back with two burgers and an extra milkshake for Lena.
Alex stares suspiciously at the burger as if it might come to life and bite her. “This looks disgusting.”
The waitress glowers at her.
“Thanks!” Kara cuts in cheerfully and makes a mental note to add an extra tip. “Have a great day!”
The waitress grunts an affirmation and walks away, shooting one last dark look at Alex before she disappears into the kitchen.
“Why would you say that?” Kara hisses.
“Do you see this?” Alex whines, poking at the burger with a fork.
“It’s good,” Lena pipes up next to her.
“As good as Kara?” Maggie smirks and leans back in her seat. “Come on. We need more details. Is Kara a good girlfriend?”
“Who said we’re girlfriends?” Kara laughs weakly, trying to make eye contact with Lena, who appears to be deliberately ignoring eye contact. “Maybe we just have sex sometimes.
“Oh, please.” Alex rolls her eyes. “We know you’ve been dating for months now, and in love for probably years.”
“Months?” Kara squeaks at the same time Lena demands, “In love?”
“Yeah.” Alex narrows her eyes. “Unless I was right, and you actually are faking this to get out of my very good date suggestions.”
“No!” Kara says a little too quickly, grabbing Lena’s hand over the table and almost knocking over her water with her elbow. “Of course we’re dating.”
Lena swallows, her eyes fixed in the way their hands are perfectly intertwined. “Yeah, we’re in love.”
Lena’s voice is soft and serious, maybe the most serious Kara’s heard her talk tonight, and her heart jumps into her throat because she can’t actually —
”Blah blah, you’re in love.” Maggie grins and leans forward in her seat. “I want to know about the sex.”
“No, no, no,” Kara says. “Absolutely not. That’s so weird.”
And so dinner goes.
“So what are your plans for tonight?” Alex asks as Kara’s putting away her wallet.
“I need to go home and work on following some leads,” Kara says.
“Yeah, I have to go do some work in the lab.” Lena squeezes Kara’s hand. She still hasn’t moved her hand from Kara’s, and they’ve been sitting with their arms across the table the entire dinner.
“Right,” Maggie says dubiously, but she doesn’t push it. “Are we done eating?”
Maggie’s burger sits bun-less on her plate, and Alex has devoured the entire thing, much to her own consternation.
“Yeah,” Lena says. “I’m ready.”
“Me, too.” Kara squeezes Lena’s hand. “See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah.” Their eyes lock properly for the first time since Maggie and Alex have walked in, and the tension between them is thick enough to cut with a knife.
“You’re not even going to kiss her goodbye?” Maggie’s watching them suspiciously.
“Uh, we’re not fans of public intimacy,” Kara stutters out. Lena’s hand tightens around hers.
“Right.” Alex rolls her eyes. “I know how touchy you were with James. Which was disgusting by the way.”
“We wouldn’t want to disgust you,” Kara offers.
“Well, I don’t mind,” Maggie says, her eyes narrowed. “Please. Kiss your girl goodnight.”
Kara must hesitate for a second too long because the next thing she knows, Lena’s leaning forward and kissing her.
On the lips.
And it’s definitely more than a friendly peck.
Kara freezes against her for a second, but when Lena begins to retreat, Kara threads her free hand into Lena’s hair and pulls her closer, closer, and Lena is so soft and warm and eager against her that —
Someone clears their throat behind them.
Right. They’re not alone.
Kara pulls away and gazes at Lena, and Lena gazes at Kara, and then Lena says quickly, “Actually, you know, I think we were going to watch a movie at Kara’s place,” at the same time Kara says, “We were actually going to go the Lena’s to, uh, do stuff.”
“Do Lena, you mean,” Maggie snickers, and Alex slaps her shoulder. “Ow! That was unwarranted!”
“Shut up, Mags, they’re having a moment,” Alex whispers very loudly. “It took them like… years to get here.”
“We are going to head off,” Kara says, pointedly ignoring them as she stands and gathers her things.
“Bye,” Lena throws over her shoulder as they make their way to the exit, and Kara’s still holding her hand.
“Don’t forget to use protection!” Maggie calls behind them, and distantly, Alex says, “they’re lesbians, you idiot.”
Well then.
“You owe me a real date,” Lena says halfway through the movie that they’re not really watching. “One that your sister does not crash.”
Kara hums thoughtfully, pressing a kiss to Lena’s jaw. Lena lets out a little purr and shifts so that she’s fully straddling Kara’s lap. “I guess I do, don’t I?”
“Mhm,” Lena nods and leans down to kiss her again.
And, fine, maybe Alex was onto something she’d said Kara needed a date.
Whatever.