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There was one thing that had always followed Erik around and, in the beginning, it hadn’t bothered him. So what if most of the humans thought he was a villain? Someone to be feared? He didn’t really care about them or what happened to them. To them, maybe he was the villain.
So, he did nothing to change the way he was seen. He continued to fight for what he believed in, continued to fight for mutant rights because, after all, they were the most advanced and well adapted. It was just simple biology. They were ready to progress past humans.
The part he hadn’t taken into account was the way mutants would see him as well. It would seem Charles had done better in convincing him that his way, peace, and harmony, was the right way and to avoid Erik’s plan.
At first, he barely noticed it as he continued on, hunting any human that was oppressing mutants, bullying them, abusing them. There wasn’t a second thought in killing anyone that stood in his way.
But soon enough he started to pick up on it. How people would look away, walk around him, try to sneak in the hopes that he wouldn’t see him. Then there were whispers, and not just among the humans but the mutants as well, talking about how dangerous Magneto is, how he is to be avoided at all costs. He’s unpredictable and a cold-blooded killer. It doesn’t take long for those whispers to be talking and then yelling, everywhere he goes the rumors following him, steadily getting worse.
They corner him in, and make him feel like he can’t breathe, he can’t get out, there is no escape. He can’t do what he was always trying to do, the only mission he had taken upon himself since killing Shaw, he can no longer protect his kind, his people. There is nothing left for him to do.
Feeling he’s completely out of options, he sighs and feels like he’s swallowing his pride doing it but he’s certain no one else would see it that way.
There is one person that will always accept him, that might still after all the trouble he’s caused and the damage he’s done to their kind. He just hopes he hasn’t done the impossible and given Charles a reason to turn his back on him as well.
Erik doesn’t bother with public transport, he knows what that brings with it, the looks, the talk, people, and mutants running. He can’t stand that right now, no. He decides he can get there on his own or he won’t bother at all. Sure it might take a while longer, using his powers and raising himself up, a couple of shady hotel rooms on the way. The trip is far from a luxury but it’s more than Erik feels he deserves still.
With the time it’s taking, though he just hopes Charles doesn’t go looking for him or even just new students and happens to find his way into Erik’s mind, find out what he’s doing. He doesn’t think he can handle the man in his mind telling him to stop now, that he isn’t welcome.
Thankfully, that doesn’t happen and four days after he started his journey, he finds himself standing in front of the Xavier Institute, looking around and shifting a little uncomfortably, unsure if he should knock, walk in, or just turn around and run away.
But then what would he do? It seems most people want him dead, would he be able to survive if he left? He’s sure he could, but could anyone else?
He sighs and decides the best way to go is just to take the helmet off. He can reach out to Charles that way and if the man doesn’t want him there then he can send him away without worrying all the students or even letting them know he was there at all.
So the helmet comes off and he attempts to project his thoughts out to Charles, hoping that, even after so long of hiding his thoughts and keeping his mental walls up, he’ll be able to do this.
It’s only maybe a minute later but to Erik, it feels like the longest hours of his life in years.
“ Is that you, old friend?” And the voice is Charles, disbelief, hope, untrusting, but it’s Charles and Erik feels like he could cry. Not only from the relief but the tone of voice. Of course, Charles doesn’t trust him now, no one does, why would that man that used to be his world, still is his world, trust him when he’s done nothing to gain and keep that trust?
“ Yes, Charles, it’s me” , He projects back, “ Any chance I can come in and talk to you about something? If not, it's fine, I completely understand.” He adds quickly, but Charles has never been able to turn anyone away, even if that person has become his sworn enemy who he doesn’t trust and has grown to hate.
“You know you always have a home here, Erik.” Charles replies, “Come on up, I’m in my office. Are you injured? Is there something you need?”
“No, nothing like that, I just need someone to talk to.” Maybe it was a bit of an understatement but maybe Charles would have some ideas that could help him.
“Alright then, as I said, I’m in my office.”
“The students. They’ll…How will they be with seeing me?” Erik asks, needing to know so he could prepare himself for whatever might await him in the building.
“It’ll be alright, Erik. Unless this is you asking me to come down and meet you there. If that’s what you’re wanting, I can.”
“No, that’s alright, I just didn’t want to scare anyone.” He admits, wondering after he had thought the words if that was too much, if he should have kept that part to himself.
“It’s quite alright, my friend. Just come up. The students know about us knowing each other and they know they are safe here.”
All Erik hears from that is that the students know Charles will protect them from Erik, make sure he doesn’t hurt them.
Not that he would ever try. He never wanted to hurt mutants. And the thoughts start over again. All he ever does is cause harm, hurt those around him, cause destruction and pain to those he cares about and wishes to protect.
He hopes Charles is out of his head and isn’t hearing the thoughts going through it now and he can’t decide if he hopes that because he doesn’t want Charles to know how he thinks about himself or if it’s because there is no voice in his head stopping the thoughts and he only hopes its because of the lack of someone else there to hear them. If Charles is there and just not saying anything then Erik doesn’t know what he will do.
Charles really is his last hope.
And, with that thought, he pushes open the door and takes a step inside.
As he had expected, everyone he passes seems to pause, staring at him, watching him as though he would attack them any second. Silence follows him through the school in a way that he knows has to be unnatural. There is no way it’s normal for students to be so quiet.
He keeps his head down, not looking at any of them, not daring to. He keeps his head high though, back straight, trying to appear like he still has his pride and dignity, as though he has every right to be here. He doesn’t and he knows it. As long as he keeps his eyes on the floor, though, he’s convinced everything will be fine.
And then a child screams. Looks at him, freezes in fear, and screams as loud as she can before running away in the opposite direction. Anyone who hadn’t been looking before is now and Erik freezes. Eyes of students and teachers alike trained on him.
He feels his breathing pick up, his heart rate. He shouldn’t be here, he knew that. He’s decided to do it anyway and, what? Put all of these children at risk, and the adults, even Charles.
What the hell had he been thinking?
He turns to run, or walk quickly and runs into something blue and furry, knowing immediately it was Hank. The last thing he needed right now.
“What do you think you’re doing here, Magneto?” He asks, and there’s something about the way he says Magneto, Erik thinks, that makes it sound like a bad word, like the fear is held in the name, and maybe it is.
“I came to see Charles,” He hears the words but he can’t be certain they came from him. It doesn’t feel like he said them.
“You need to get out of here. Now. We don’t need you here. He doesn’t need you here, after everything you’ve done to him.”
“He said I could come in. He even told me where he was,” Erik is certain that couldn’t have been him. Could it? Unless some part of him is feeling much more confident and sure than he can identify with.
“Well, we all know Charles can’t turn anyone away. For some reason you’re part of anyone,” Hank replies, looking Erik over as though he’s not even a living thing. As though he should be considered an animal, someone to be kicked outside and forgotten about.
He wonders if he’s ever agreed with Hank on a topic more.
“That is quite enough I think,” A voice says that Erik is certain doesn’t belong to him. The voice that still makes him want to cry with relief at the very sound of it.
“Hank, you know we don’t turn anyone away when they are looking for help or for someone to talk to. I can assure you that is what Erik is here for,” Charles says, voice calm and strong, something Erik has never heard anyone else be able to master in the same way. It’s soothing to hear him talk, “I’ve invited him in. Why don’t you go find the little one that just ran off and calm her,” He raises his voice a little to address the crowd gathered around, “That’s all, nothing more to see here.”
Erik watches him, always surprised how good he was with his students. He always knew Charles would be but sometimes it still comes as a shock just how good he is.
Then he noticed those bright blue eyes had landed on him and a small smile playing on his face. “Come on, Erik,” He says, voice much quieter, “I’ll take you up to my office.”
Erik nods and follows behind him over to the lift where they both get in and ride up together in silence, Erik not knowing what to say and Charles seeming to realize that the reason the other showed up was important and something he needs to start talking about on his own.
Once they get into the office, Charles lets Erik go in first and then closes the door behind them both.
“What is this about now, Erik?” Charles asks, turning his chair to look up at the other, a softness in his eyes that always seems to be there when the two are just talking though Erik knows too well that it disappears when the talking turns to arguing.
He takes a shaky breath, trying to decide just where to start as he sets the helmet down on the edge of Charles’s desk. The words don’t want to come, he can’t decide where to start and his thoughts are a mess. Though just maybe that could work out.
“See for yourself,” Erik replies, tapping two fingers of his right hand to his temple as he moves closer to Charles.
“Erik, I know you don’t appreciate me being in your head. If you would rather just tell me, there is nothing for you to prove here, my friend.” Charles says, his tone, soft, comforting, leaving Erik wishing he could wrap himself up in the feeling.
It was the same feeling he gets when the other is in his head, a feeling of not being alone, of having someone there with him, protecting him, keeping him safe, secure. He loves the feeling almost as much as he loves the man in front of him and luckily if he had the choice, he wouldn’t have to choose one or the other. But he knows that choice was lost long ago. Funny that he put on the helmet to keep Charles from finding out about his feelings for him and, in the process, lost it all.
At least the plan had been successful. He no longer has to worry about hurting him or getting hurt by him when Charles inevitably doesn’t feel the same. He knows it’s a risk right now, letting the man in, letting him see it all. But what does he have to lose? This is his last chance.
Once again his mind is on the topic of wondering what he would do if Charles turns him away and he realizes he has one choice. Turn himself in. They would find him eventually and there is no other good he could do outside for his people. They would feel much safer with him gone.
He shakes his head, both to his thoughts and what Charles had suggested. “There is no reason to keep you out anymore, Charles. There is nothing else I have to lose.” For a moment he considers adding except for Charles and remembers he had, in fact, lost him years ago.
Charles looks for a moment as though he’s going to say something but then only nods and closes his eyes, his hand going to his temples, and soon enough, Erik feels for the first time in years that he’s not alone. A feeling he could get used to if only he would allow himself but he knows there is no chance of that now.
He pushes forward the looks, the whispers, screams, all he’s heard and seen recently. The humans and mutants alike turned their backs on him and left him feeling like those he had always despised.
As a child, he went through the unthinkable and was left a broken shell of a man, or boy, really when he got out. And now the mutants look at him the way he used to look at the people that caused his pain.
He wonders how he can continue on living like this, it’s all just too much. He doesn’t bother with hiding any of it from Charles though, not now, there’s no point. The worst he can get is kicked out and he’s already expecting that. He doesn’t even bother hiding how nice it is to have the other in his head, the brightest light in his mind, the closest he’s felt to happiness or content since he left him on that beach in Cuba. The day he made the worst mistake of his life.
Now, he knows that. Sure there were other horrible moments in his life but none of those were decisions he made. It took him a long time to come to that conclusion but he knows he wanted his mother to live, he didn’t make the decision for her to die, even if he still does blame himself. He hurt Charles and still blames himself for that but it wasn’t a conscious decision he made either, nor was hurting any of the mutants along the way.
“Erik,” He barely hears it, “Erik!” It’s louder this time and he opens his eyes, not having realized they were closed. His eyes meet Charles’s and sees how red they are, making the bright blue seem even more intense than normal, tears dripping down the man’s cheeks.
“What?” Erik whispers out, having to look away from his face. He knows what’s coming, he knows the other is going to apologize for what he has to do and then kick him out, tell him he’s sorry but he can’t help him and that’s going to be the end of it. The end of Erik.
“My friend, I’ve told you time and time again, you will always have a place here if you’ll only stay,” Charles says and the soft calm of his voice makes Erik feel weak, like he might fall to the floor.
“What?” He asks again, unable to believe what he’s hearing as he looks at Charles once again.
A soft laugh leaves the telepath, “Is that all you can say now?” He asks, teasingly, “You will always have a home here. I’m not going to throw you out. If you want to say, of course, you can. You are not a lost cause and you never have been. You were the one that kept choosing to leave and go your own way. I know our views don’t align but,” Charles pauses, as though looking for the right words or struggling to admit something, Erik isn’t sure, “Perhaps, you were right. We do want the same thing. We want our kind to be safe and protected. We just want to get there in different ways.”
Erik nods, trying to believe what he was hearing, sure he’s staring at Charles like the man has lost his mind, and really, Erik is beginning to wonder if he has.
Another soft laugh leaves Charles as he hears the thought, “Perhaps I have,” He replies, “But, love, how could I ever turn you away? Even when you mind is a spiraling mess of dark thoughts it is beautiful. Though I do wish you had come to me sooner about all of this.”
Charles rolls himself over to the couch in his office, locks the wheels on his chair, and transfers himself over onto it. “Come over here and sit with me. I believe there were more thoughts than just those more political ones that we need to talk about.” He pats the cousin next to him.
With a deep, shaky breath, Erik nods and walks over slowly, almost surprised his legs are working, and sits on the seat next to Charles, so close he can feel the warmth coming from him but not quite touching.
“We both know what I saw in there, Erik,” Charles starts after they both have been quiet for a minute, wondering just who should start.
Erik nods, clearing his throat softly before replying, “Yeah, sorry,” He whispers, “I’ve tried to keep that hidden. I know it’s wrong of me but…” He sighs, wishing not for the first time that emotions and feelings were easier for him to talk about. “I don’t know. It makes me feel safe.” He doesn’t even realize he’s projected the thought until after he feels a hand resting on top of his.
“There is nothing wrong with letting yourself feel, love. If that is something that makes you feel safe, if you love someone, anything. Erik, you deserve those things.”
Erik laughs before he can stop himself. “Charles, you are the only one that thinks that. You saw those thoughts-0, those memories. Everyone else fears me, hates me. They think I deserve nothing good. And they’re right, I know they are. There’s no point in lying to me.”
“I am many things, Erik, but I am not a liar,” He replies, voice firm, letting Erik know not to argue on this. “You do have the right idea in mind. You want to keep our people safe and protect them. They know that. You just don’t always go about it the right way. You’ve helped so many. Surely, you must see that.”
There’s a pause where Charles takes a breath and then continues on, “Honestly, I’ve found myself thinking more and more that maybe you were right. Maybe peace isn’t always the way to go. I mean, I’m not sure I fully agree and I’m definitely not saying to lead with violence but I do sometimes think it’s the only way to achieve what we want.” The hand holding Erik’s tightens in a light squeeze.
“You’re telling me this when I’m telling you that you’re the one that was right,” Erik replies, scooting down on the couch so he’s closer to Charles’s height and lightly laying his head on the smaller man’s shoulder. “Do you think maybe we were both wrong?”
Charles looks at him with a small smile playing on his features. “No, like you I like to think I’m never wrong.”
Erik finds himself laughing at the reply before nodding, “Yeah, fair point. But maybe we’re not wrong either. Maybe we were both right. Maybe this battle is like the one you insisted was going on inside me.”
“Still is going on inside you, my friend,” Charles says, cutting him off.
Erik rolls his eyes but continues on, “Yes, yes, but maybe I am the rage and you are the serenity and we need to find the balance between them both to get mutant rights where we want them.”
“For once, you might just speak sense, love. I do hope you stay around long enough this time to be the rage? I would like to have you by my side once again. It was much nicer not being alone. I know you feel that way now too.”
For a moment, Erik pauses, wondering if Charles means what he’s asking, and then, when the other doesn’t take it back, he nods.
“Of course, assuming you’re going to be the serenity then yes. I’ll stay this time. But…about those feelings…I can go back to hiding them. With the helmet they won’t bother you.” He tries.
“If you put that helmet back on I will find you in your sleep, take it off and make sure you never find it again,” Charles says, making it sound playful but Erik knows he’s being serious about it. “I do feel the same, surely you have realized that by now. Or you are more stubborn and more dense than I originally thought, sorry, my friend, but I do mean that.”
Erik smiles a little as he sits up, leaning in and his lips meet Charles’s, kissing him softly. Maybe things were better than he had hoped for. Maybe he found his light in the dark. Sure, there are still going to be hard days, he is going to be living around students who fear him now and doesn’t want to think about what will happen when their parents find out but he hopes, in time, his people can learn to forgive him and he can make a real difference as he’s always wanted. With Charles by his side.