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love, huh?

Summary:

Naruto was six years old when he learned that being “gay”, whatever that meant, was bad. Would get you beat up. Would get a crowd of people all looking down at you in disdain, kicking and mocking and laughing.
Naruto had enough of that already. He didn’t need another reason for it.
Naruto was six years old when he decided that he’d never be gay.

Notes:

WARNINGS: there's homophobia in this (nothing graphic, though), and the shortened version of the f slur is used twice.
also, i made sakura (mostly sakura), tenten, and neji homophobic (the neji & tenten bit is really brief and vague), so fair warning for that if you don't want to read that.
honestly i'm not really sure why i wrote this, but it was just some of my thoughts about how naruto would develop/respond to internalized homophobia in canon.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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The first time Naruto had heard the word gay, he had no idea what it meant. The only thing he knew was that it was bad.

“Haha! Why are you dressed like that!?” One of the kids in Naruto’s class had teased another kid, and it wasn’t long before a cluster of students were all surrounding him.

“What are you, gay or something?”

Naruto was six years old when he learned that being “gay”, whatever that meant, was bad. Would get you beat up. Would get a crowd of people all looking down at you in disdain, kicking and mocking and laughing.

Naruto had enough of that already. He didn’t need another reason for it.

Naruto was six years old when he decided that he’d never be gay.


Naruto didn’t learn what gay actually meant until he was eleven, five long years later.

He’d been at the academy when someone had whispered something, quiet and low and not to be heard by anyone, but of course it spread through the class like a wildfire, and soon enough whispers were erupting out of the entire class.

Naruto only heard bits and pieces.

“Didn’t you hear—?”

“Haru said he had a crush on Sasuke-kun!”  

“That’s so gay!”

“That’s disgusting. My mom says boys like that are demons!” 

Naruto felt a cold and uncomfortable feeling creeping under his skin. So that’s what being gay was? A boy who liked other boys…?

Naruto’s eyes flickered over to the empty desk where Haru would usually sit. Something twisted in his gut.

Then his eyes found Sasuke, who looked as unbothered as ever, glaring out the window as if he somehow couldn’t hear the topic of conversation.

He wasn’t saying anything, even though he was apparently the object of Haru’s… affections. If being gay was so repulsive, shouldn’t Sasuke be more… repulsed?

Sasuke didn’t look repulsed. He looked annoyed, if anything, but when did he not?

Naruto tore his eyes away from his classmate, resting his head against his crossed arms.

This was a good thing, Naruto concluded, contradictory to the nauseous feeling twisting inside his gut. Now that Naruto knew what being gay was, he didn’t have to worry about accidentally being gay. He knew what he had to avoid.

Besides, it wasn’t like it’d be hard! He liked girls, so haha! He liked Sakura-chan, she was pretty and… well. She was pretty.

But that meant no one could ever beat him up for being gay, he was safe! Not that he still wouldn’t be targeted, but at least he avoided that extra mark on his back.

He let out a relieved sigh, tilting his head to look at Sakura. Yeah, she was pretty.


Naruto was twelve the first time someone called him gay. Ironically, it happened to be Sakura who’d said it.

After a moment of stunned silence, Naruto wrenched himself back, away from Sasuke. He promptly turned away and gagged, ignoring the panic flooding his veins.

He wasn’t gay, it had been an accident, after all! He’d just been glaring at Sasuke, glaring at him! Because he hated him! Hated him! And then…

And then someone had nudged him off balance. And he’d fallen face first into Sasuke. Into Sasuke’s face.

It had been an accident, it had been far from an enjoyable experience—if anything, it physically hurt to have his face collide with someone else's—but none of that mattered to a classroom of twelve year olds.

A classroom of twelve year olds who had driven a kid out of the academy a year ago for the exact reason of crushing on Sasuke.

Naruto felt the waves of anger, of contempt, of disgust, long before he turned to nervously meet Sakura’s eye. He was used to the feeling, but this was different.

Something in his chest plummeted to the floor the longer he thought about it. This was different.

“Naruto,” Sakura’s voice was menacing, laced with a revulsion so strong that meeting her eyes wasn’t an easy task.

When he did, he was faced with the expression of that revulsion.

“You disgust me.” She growled, and Naruto thought for a moment that he’d never be able to think she was pretty again.

“Sa— Sakura-chan, it’s not—” He didn’t get the chance to finish his defense before she was leaping at him, fists flying.

Somewhere in the ruckus, he’d heard her say it.

“Of course you’re gay, you’ve always been a freak.”

Looking back, Naruto really couldn’t say if he was positive it was Sakura who had said it. It could’ve been any of the girls who had leaped at him, all shouting about him stealing Sasuke’s first kiss and how disgusting he was.

Naruto liked to think that it hadn’t been Sakura, looking back on it. Sakura was still important to him, Sakura was still pretty. And Sakura liked Naruto now, so surely she couldn’t have meant all that. They’d just been kids, after all.


When Naruto was sixteen, he’d heard the word “fag” for the first time.

Well, maybe not the first time, thinking back on it now, but the first time that he’d understood the context.

They’d been heading back from the Sand, Gaara saved, and both Team Gai and Team 7 intact, safe and sound.

Sort of. Naruto tried not to think about how Team 7 wasn’t intact. Tried not to think about why.

His gut twisted painfully, but he used to aching feeling as fuel for his determination. He’d bring Sasuke back. He would.

“Ew,” Sakura had muttered, glaring over her shoulder. Neji and Tenten wore similar expressions, and Naruto turned to look at what they were staring at.

It was Kakashi and Gai. Gai had apparently given up on trying to drag Kakashi along with his arm around his shoulder, and he’d resorted to a more… creative method.

Naruto didn’t see where the disgust was coming from, though. If anything, he just thought it was funny.

Gai had tossed Kakashi carelessly on his back, and Kakashi was flopping around almost lifelessly as Gai sprinted in their direction. Lee was cheering, no surprise. Naruto squinted, trying to understand what could be so gross about it.

“You didn’t tell me your sensei was a fag.” Sakura’s voice had been dripping with disgust, and Naruto had nearly flinched at the word.

If he was being honest, he had no idea what it meant, but the amount of venom in Sakura’s voice when she’d spit the word out like a weapon, had Naruto cringing away from her regardless.

“Well, your sensei seems just as gay, Sakura.” Tenten pointed out, and Naruto really did flinch that time. Then he swallowed hard, because that’s what that meant.

Oh.

Naruto didn’t really know what to do with that information. He stood motionless for a moment, not sure how to react. He knew by now that being gay was bad, wrong, gross, whatever other thing people had come up with to call it. He understood that.

What he didn’t understand was the way his stomach felt like it was being twisted into knots every time he was reminded of that.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, accidentally garnering the attention of his friends. They turned their inquisitive eyes on him, and he suddenly felt panicked.

“What is it, Naruto?” Sakura asked, her voice sweet as usual. Naruto didn’t know how she’d gone from such a venomous tone to her regular kind one, but he didn’t want to think too hard about it.

“Nothing! Just wondering if we were gonna stand around all day or not. Look, Gai-sensei is gonna beat us back to Konoha at this rate!” He said, wanting to direct the attention off himself more than anything else in the world at that moment, not even really sure why.

Sakura just sighed in half annoyance.

“Not everything’s a competition, Naruto.” She muttered, but they started walking again anyway. A part of Naruto that he didn’t fully understand himself, was grateful that the topic of conversation had been dropped.


When Naruto was sixteen, he was accused of being gay again. But this time it was different.

“Why do you even do it, Naruto?” Shikamaru’s voice was tired, and the expression he wore was even more so. Naruto blinked at him.

“Do what?” He asked, his lip stinging as he spoke. He’d gotten beat up pretty badly, huh?

He reached a hand up to tentatively touch at the bandages over his black eye. His worse black eye, to clarify. His other one wasn’t in much better shape.

Maybe he’d let Karui go too far, at least, that’s what Sai had told him. And Omoi. And Sakura. And Shizune. And it was likely exactly why Shikamaru was here now, as well.

Naruto didn’t care. He’d done it for Sasuke. He’d do it again in a heartbeat, if it meant protecting Sasuke.

“Chase after him? Sacrifice so much for him? He’s killing you, Naruto.” Shikamaru said, and Naruto felt anger spike in his veins. Shikamaru didn’t get it at all.

“Shut up, Shikamaru.” He muttered, not so keen on having a visitor anymore. Shikamaru didn’t get it at all.

“I’m serious, Naruto! You’re doing all this, putting yourself in harm's way, letting yourself get beat to a pulp, for a guy who doesn’t even give a shit about you! About any of us! Hell, he’s tried to kill you! Multiple times!” Shikamaru’s voice rose up in anger, and Naruto bit his lip, glaring holes into the floor. He ignored the taste of blood, the feeling of the cut on his lip splitting again. 

“You don’t get it at all, Shikamaru.” Naruto grit out. Shikamaru went quiet.

“Sasuke’s just…” Naruto tried to find the words to convince his friend. Tried to find the right way to tell him that Sasuke was, well, everything. Sasuke was the first person who’d accepted him, Sasuke had put his life on the line for Naruto more times than he could count. Sasuke had pushed Naruto forwards, encouraged him, in his own special ways.

Sasuke had been alone, like him. And Sasuke was alone again now.

Naruto clenched his fists in frustration. He just needed to see him again. He just needed to see Sasuke again, and surely he’d find something to do with this feeling clawing at the inside of his chest.

“Sasuke’s important. To me. Nothing I say will convince you, anyway. So just let me handle him. I’ll bring him back, and one day you’ll understand.” Naruto told him, trying to reign in the anger he felt at Shikamaru’s accusations. That Sasuke didn’t deserve help. That Sasuke didn’t care.

“...Oh.” Shikamaru said quietly, like he understood something Naruto didn’t. Naruto finally chanced him a glance, and Shikamaru was staring at him with a scrutinizing look, as if he was reading Naruto like an open book.

Hell, he was Shikamaru, so he probably was.

“You… care about him.” Shikamaru said, and Naruto squinted at him.

“Well, yeah. Thought that was pretty obvious.” Naruto replied, unable to shake the feeling that he was missing something here.

“No, no, I know that. Believe me, everyone knows that.” Shikamaru told him, seeming exasperated for a moment. Then his face steeled back into the serious expression he’d been wearing a moment before. The one that set Naruto on edge. He shifted uncomfortably.

“I meant, you care about him. As in, love him type of care about him.” Shikamaru said, and Naruto’s world tilted.

No, no that hadn’t been what Shikamaru was saying, right? He wasn’t saying that Naruto was—that how Naruto felt about Sasuke was—

“I’m not gay!” He said, his voice panicked and rushed and he hadn’t even realized how defensive he’d sounded until the words had left his mouth.

Shikamaru frowned at him, looking more annoyed than anything else, but Naruto braced himself for the inevitable disgust he was certain would appear on Shikamaru’s face. 

“I mean, okay.” Shikamaru said cautiously, confusion written clear on his face. “But you… the way you claim to care about Sasuke sounds like the romantic kind of—”

“No!” Naruto cut him off, scooting away from Shikamaru in an unconscious gesture. He wasn’t sure why he was so on edge about this, but something like dread was seeping into every corner of his body, and he wanted nothing more than to get up and run out of there. As quickly as possible.

“I’m not gay, Shikamaru.” He said, his voice pleading. Shikamaru had to believe him. He had to believe him

“Naruto, I really don’t care about that.” Shikamaru told him, eyebrows furrowing in confused concern.

“Whether you’re gay or not, that doesn’t matter. Obviously. I’m just pointing out what your obsession with Sasuke looks like.” Naruto went very still.

So did his pulse, seemingly, because suddenly he felt like he was frozen in every sense of the word.

Shikamaru… didn’t care? It didn’t matter? Naruto blinked at him again and again because every time he’d heard the topic of being gay come up in any sense of the word, it was always met with disgust. Always met with some form of mockery. Some form of ostracization.

But Shikamaru just didn’t care? How could he not care?

“Jeez, you’re such a pain.” Shikamaru muttered, and Naruto realized with a jolt that he really didn’t. He was completely unbothered, even though he was under the—false—assumption that Naruto was… gay.

For Sasuke.

Just like Haru, a part of him whispered, and Naruto felt nauseous again.

“Naruto?” Shikamaru’s voice cut through his thoughts, and from the tone of his voice, Naruto realized that it likely hadn’t been the first time he’d called out for him.

Naruto met his eyes, and Shikamaru was concerned again.

“...You worry me, sometimes.” Shikamaru sighed, sitting back, looking as relaxed as ever. Naruto swallowed.

“...Shikamaru…” He spoke up, after a silent moment. He felt nervous, treading around his words cautiously, like anything he said might make Shikamaru blow up. Might make the disgust and anger that was supposed to be there finally appear.

Shikamaru just looked at him, looking as bored as ever.

“Do you really not care? If I’m—if someone were to be gay…?” He asked, and he was genuinely curious. Because Naruto hadn’t experienced this before. As far as he was concerned, being gay was wrong. Bad. Something terrible and devious and ugly and disgusting.

So Shikamaru’s reaction wasn’t making any sense.

“Huh? Why would I care about something like that? It’s none of my business who other people love.” He said carelessly, and something tugged in Naruto’s chest. He’d never thought about it like that.

“Who other people… love…” He repeated to himself, his voice quiet. Being gay was never about something as nice as that, it was about being abnormal, being gross. It was never about something as beautiful as love.

Love, huh?

“Listen, I’m sorry if I overstepped or something, but I was just saying what I saw. What I thought I saw, at least.” Shikamaru stood up, stretching his neck. Naruto watched him in silence, his mind reeling with this new perspective. He hardly had time to think about how the topic of conversation had been brought up.

“Anyways, I’m heading out.” Shikamaru turned toward the tent flap, sending Naruto one last calculating look over his shoulder.

“Come talk to me if you need anything.”

Then he was gone, and Naruto had a lot to think about.

However, what he didn’t have was a lot of time to think about said things, so he ended up pushing them to the back of his mind for a long time.


Naruto was eighteen when he first met someone who was gay. Well, “met” wouldn’t be the right word to use—after all, he’d known Sasuke since he was five.

Sasuke, who was always away now. Naruto hated it.

Well, a part of him hated it. The part of him that wanted to bring Sasuke back for real, the part that wanted Sasuke to just stay, dammit. Hadn’t he been away long enough?

But, the bigger part of Naruto was glad Sasuke had decided to leave Konoha. Was glad he wasn’t still there. Because Sasuke would hate living there. He was happy now, he finally got his well deserved shot at happiness, because he wasn’t in Konoha.

Naruto had to believe that.

But Naruto still missed him, more than he’d like to admit. More than Sakura did, apparently. She’d seemingly moved on from Sasuke, and a part of Naruto was glad.

Because Sasuke didn’t like Sakura, of course. Because Sasuke had never been very nice to her, and because Sakura had never really known Sasuke, never really seen him. Not in the way Naruto had.

So, it was better for both her and Sasuke that she gave up on pursuing him. Naruto told himself that was the only reason he was glad.

Regardless, Naruto was the only one who visited Sasuke anymore. Kakashi was always holed up in the Hokage tower, and Sakura had no interest in visiting their old teammate. So it was always just Naruto.

And Sasuke, of course. Just them.

That was how it was now, with Naruto laying on the grass next to Sasuke, pointing out clouds that formed different shapes—that one looks like Kurama! Oh, and that one’s your chidori, for sure!—while Sasuke lounged against a tree next to him.

Most of the visits went like this. They were few and far between, Naruto only got to see Sasuke once every couple months, but once they were together they’d never been in any sort of rush. Sometimes they sparred. Sometimes Sasuke leaned against a tree and closed his eyes while Naruto told him about whatever drama was going on in Konoha. Sometimes they’d just sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company.

Naruto’s eyes landed on Sasuke. They’d changed a lot since back then, but Naruto’s heart still never failed to skip a beat whenever he saw Sasuke, real and alive and there. It was an almost visceral thought.

“Hey, Sasuke?” Naruto spoke up, his eyes drifting back to the sky, along with the clouds. He felt Sasuke’s eyes on him.

“What?”

Naruto paused for some reason, something uncomfortable churning in his gut as he mulled over his next words.

“Have you… met anyone? You know, like… a girl or something?” Naruto asked, almost awkwardly. He heard Sasuke sit up, but his eyes stayed glued to the sky.

“Huh?” Sasuke asked, and he sounded amused. Naruto couldn’t help but look over at him, and Sasuke was smirking at him, in that distantly familiar way that made Naruto’s chest do something funny.

“What? I was just asking…” Naruto muttered, sitting up with a sudden inability to stay still. Sasuke just rolled his eyes.

“A girl? Really, Naruto?” He asked, and Naruto squinted at him in annoyance.

“Yeah? So what? I was just curious. Bastard.” Sasuke actually laughed at that, and Naruto couldn’t help but revel in the sound. It wasn’t something he got to hear often.

“You’re an idiot.” He told Naruto, and Naruto didn’t know why. He opened his mouth to retort with an insult anyway. 

Sasuke beat him to it.

“Not girls. Dumbass.” 

Naruto’s voice died in his throat.

A silence stretched between them, a long, deafening one. Naruto’s mind spun, and he tried to make sense of what exactly Sasuke was implying—

“Huh?” He asked, because he didn't know what else to say. Sasuke’s smirk hadn’t fallen.

“Not girls, dumbass. What could’ve ever given you the impression I liked girls?” He said it so casually, as if it wasn’t tilting Naruto’s world on its axis.

“... Huh?” He repeated dumbly, and Sasuke sent him a half annoyed glance.

“I’m gay. Obviously.”

Naruto stared at him, his mouth agape. Sasuke was… gay?

And he’d said it so casually, no disgust or anger or self-hatred in his tone. As if it was simply a part of who he was. As if it wasn’t even something he was ashamed about.

But… it didn’t add up. Because if Sasuke was gay, how could being gay be something bad? How could it be disgusting, if it was a part of Sasuke?

Naruto must’ve been silent for too long, because Sasuke spoke up again, his tone just a tinge more annoyed than before.

“Don’t tell me you really didn’t expect that? I mean, come on, Naruto, I’ve never once spared a second glance toward any of the girls that hit on me. Not once.” Sasuke told him, and Naruto was finally knocked out of his stupor. He scoffed.

“That’s so not fair, Sasuke! You’ve never once spared a second glance towards anyone, so—!”

“Anyone?” Sasuke asked, a teasing edge to his tone. He raised an eyebrow at Naruto, and it shut him up pretty quickly.

Sasuke gave him a pointed look for about two more seconds, before he averted his eyes with a sigh.

“You can’t think of anyone that had my attention. Anyone that I could never ignore?” His voice was quiet, but Naruto heard him loud and clear. He sort of felt like his heart was beating in his throat.

“What are you—”

“It’s you. Idiot.” Sasuke said, and Naruto felt the world screech to a stop.

“Who else could it be?”

Naruto didn’t respond. He didn’t move—hell, he didn’t even breathe, because just what was Sasuke getting at?

The silence was stretching on for too long, Naruto realized. And Sasuke wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were fixed on something in the distance to his right. Naruto tried to take a breath and nearly choked on the air.

“That’s—” Naruto tried, but he couldn’t seem to get any words out. His mind was reeling with too much information, and he’d never been the brightest to begin with, so—

“I—I didn’t know you could joke, you bastard,” Naruto finally got out weakly, but it must’ve been the wrong thing to say, because Sasuke’s eyes snapped over to him, something angry and… pained...? flickering in them.

Naruto opened his mouth to say something, but no matter how much he wracked his brain, he couldn’t find the words.

“What—and I mean what, Naruto—makes you think I’d joke about something like this?” Sasuke snapped, his lips turned down and his tone short. Offended. Naruto felt frozen again.

He… Sasuke was… serious? No. No, he couldn’t be, because it was one thing for Sasuke to be gay, but for Sasuke to be gay for Naruto? Now that just didn’t make any sense.

Because Sasuke was Sasuke. And Naruto was just, well… Naruto.

“But…” Naruto tried to put his thoughts into words, but his brain was a big jumbled mess and he had no idea where he’d been planning to go with his sentence.

“Are you really this shocked?” Sasuke spoke up again, and he was talking enough for the both of them, which was the complete opposite of the way things usually were between them.

“I thought you—” Sasuke cut himself off this time, snapping his jaw shut and grimacing, his eyes falling down to the ground. Something in Naruto’s chest tugged painfully, and he suddenly, desperately wanted to know what Sasuke had been about to say.

“...Forget it. It’s getting late anyway. I’ll just go.” Sasuke said, and he still wouldn’t meet Naruto’s eyes. He was angry. He was hurting.

Naruto felt Sasuke’s pain like an echo, digging into his chest as Sasuke stood up silently, turning away from Naruto.

He felt it lodge itself in his heart, unmoving and unrelenting, as Sasuke finally met his eyes again over his shoulder.

“I’ll see you around.” He said, and, with a jolt, Naruto realized two things.

One of those things being that he could move again, and he was on his feet before he could even register what he was doing.

The other thing, which he didn’t fully recognize until he was grabbing Sasuke’s wrist and pulling him back, turning him to face Naruto, was that the aching feeling in his chest wasn’t Sasuke’s pain.

It was his own.

“Naruto—?”

“I don’t know what’s going on right now, and honestly, I’m not one hundred percent convinced that you’re not just messing with me, but come on, Sasuke, can you give a guy a minute to think? Please? Just…” Naruto paused, and he realized that Sasuke was holding his breath.

His wrist was warm, under Naruto’s hand.

“Just stay for a minute, okay?”

Sasuke’s eyebrows pulled together slightly, but he nodded in agreement to Naruto regardless. Naruto heaved a sigh of relief and dropped Sasuke’s wrist.

“Okay, okay, so you—you’re gay…?” He said, gesturing toward Sasuke. Sasuke gave him a flat look, seemingly regaining his composure.

“Yes, we’ve been over this.” He replied, and Naruto nodded along with him.

“Okay, so you’re gay, which is fine, that’s totally cool, whatever. So, so…” This was the tricky part. This was the part that didn’t make sense to Naruto no matter how he looked at it.

“I thought you said you were going to think,” Sasuke said, his tone amused, but it held a nervous edge. Naruto pushed aside his own nerves and glared at Sasuke.

“Shut up, you know I think better saying stuff out loud.” He told Sasuke, even though he was already aware. Then, flippantly, “Besides, you know I think better with you around anyway.”

Sasuke blinked at him, and the nerves came back full force when Naruto fully processed what he’d said. 

“Um,” He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. Sasuke didn’t respond, just watched him in silence. Naruto swallowed.

Okay, he just had to think about this objectively, right? And… And! He wasn’t even gay! So that was it, then. There was nothing else to think about.

Naruto felt a frown tugging on his features, and he lowered his eyes to the ground in thought.

He suddenly remembered Shikamaru’s words, all that time ago, back when Sasuke was still gone and Naruto was still missing him—not that Naruto wasn’t missing him now, but it was different when he could remind himself that Sasuke was safe, and happy, and within reach.

“It’s none of my business who other people love.”

Love… huh...?

Naruto felt something in his chest again, that tugging feeling, the more he thought about Shikamaru’s words. About Sasuke’s…

Sasuke… did Sasuke really…

Sasuke really loved him?

Oh. Well that was definitely… something.

“What are—are you crying?” Sasuke’s voice was one part incredulous and one part concerned, and Naruto didn’t even realize that tears had started welling up in his eyes until Sasuke pointed it out.

He wiped at the tears immediately, mumbling out an unconvincing deflection, but the tears kept forming. What the hell?

“Sorry, sorry, I’m fine, I just—”

“Naruto,” Sasuke cut him off, and Naruto’s eyes snapped up to his. Sasuke was worried. Naruto’s heart was in his throat.

“I don’t know why, but suddenly I just got…” Naruto tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a choked cough. Sasuke’s eyebrows furrowed further, and Naruto’s brain to mouth filter had apparently dissolved along with his dignity, because he was speaking before he had the chance to think twice about it.

“Do you really love me?” He hadn’t meant to sound so vulnerable, so desperate, hadn’t even realized he’d felt that way to begin with. Sasuke seemed taken aback for a moment, his eyes flickering over Naruto’s face, as if he couldn’t look at him for too long.

Finally, Sasuke’s eyes landed on Naruto’s own, and Naruto couldn’t breathe again.

“...Yes. I already said so, moron.” Sasuke told him, and Naruto felt something like relief crash into him like a wave, more tears building up in the corners of his eyes.

“Shikamaru said,” Naruto started speaking, and Sasuke’s eyes didn’t leave his.

“He said that he didn’t care if people were gay. Which is crazy, right? Because ever since I even learned what the word meant, everyone had only ever been talking down on it.” Sasuke frowned, but Naruto didn’t let it deter him.

“I told myself I’d never be gay, because—because people had enough reason to hate me, target me, already, and I didn’t want to give them another one, you know? And so, I guess I just thought being gay was this awful, terrible thing. Sakura-chan even said—” Naruto cut himself off, the familiar feeling of dread twisting in his guts as he recalled the things Sakura had said. He bit his lip with a frown, not noticing the way Sasuke’s eyes hardened slightly at the mention of their other teammate.

“So I just thought it was bad, you know? But then, Shikamaru…” Naruto recalled the conversation they’d had, and suddenly remembered just how the topic of conversation had been brought up.

Oh.

“Oh.” He said, because Shikamaru had been right, hadn’t he?

“Oh?” Sasuke echoed, trying to read Naruto’s expression. 

“Oh." Naruto told him, and Sasuke just frowned. Naruto suddenly felt giddy beyond belief, the realization crushing all his worries and dread away so quickly they could’ve never existed at all.

“You’re gonna have to give me more than that, Naru—”

“He was right.” Naruto said, but Sasuke still looked confused. “Shikamaru, I mean.”

“He—he said that I, this was back around the time of the Five Kage Summit, but he said that the way I cared about you, well, to him, he said it seemed like I…” Naruto trailed off for a moment, unsure of how he wanted to continue. Sasuke was still watching him. Still waiting for an answer.

Oh, right. He needed an answer.

“He thought I loved you. You know, in the gay way.” Naruto told him, and Sasuke looked torn between wanting to roll his eyes at Naruto’s phrasing and refusing to look away from him for a moment, trying to read his expression.

Well, if that was his play, Naruto would make it easy for him.

“And he was right, I think. That’s what this—this feeling,” Naruto gestured to his chest, and Sasuke’s eyes followed the motion.

“That’s what it means. I think.” Sasuke looked skeptical.

“You think?” He repeated, and Naruto breathed out a quiet breath of relief.

“Yeah, I think,” He said, and suddenly, as the reality of the situation dawned on him, he felt breathless.

“This feeling, it’s sort of like… I’d do anything to see you happy, you already know that. It’s like, if I have to miss you again like I did before, I think I might die. You know?” Naruto told him, and Sasuke’s eyes widened slightly, before they were relaxing, and there was something so transparently fond in them that Naruto felt like the air had been knocked out of his chest.

“Yeah,” Sasuke replied. “I know.”

Before Naruto could think about it, he reached his hand out, grasping at Sasuke’s wrist again. Then he was pulling him closer, knocking their foreheads together, probably a bit too eagerly, if Sasuke’s wince was anything to go by.

“Watch it, only one of us has forehead armor.” Sasuke grumbled, but before Naruto could even think of a response, Sasuke’s hand found the back of his head, tugging at the knot that held his headband on.

It came loose and fell down in the space between them, hitting the ground with a soft thud. Naruto’s eyes followed the motion, suddenly recalling their fight at the Valley of the End. The sound of his headband splashing into the shallow water. The sound of Sasuke’s breath, as laboured as his own.

His eyes finally pulled away from the headband, finding Sasuke’s face. Sasuke’s eyes were down as well, and if Naruto didn’t know any better, he’d guess that Sasuke was reliving the same memory he had just been.

Something pulled painfully in Naruto’s chest. Something pulling him closer to Sasuke. It always had been.

Sasuke’s eyes flickered up, and Naruto barely had the chance to meet his eyes before Sasuke was moving. Not away, though, no. He was moving forward. Moving closer—

Oh, Naruto realized as Sasuke’s lips pressed against his own. He probably should’ve put this together sooner.

Sasuke’s nose brushed against his cheek, and Naruto sort of felt like his brain had fallen out of his head. Not to mention the way his heart was going haywire.

Without thinking—how could he, with his mind completely muddled up by Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke—he pressed back, his hand coming up to cup Sasuke’s face, pulling him impossibly closer.

After a moment, Sasuke pulled back, and Naruto took a second to remember how to breathe.

“Remember the first time we did that?” Was the first thing his mind could come up with to say, and Sasuke grimaced, likely at the memory.

“Yeah. That was terrible.” Sasuke said bluntly, and Naruto narrowed his eyes at him.

“Okay, asshole, guess I’ll just take these lips elsewhere—”

“You know what I meant, moron.” Sasuke huffed out, amused. Naruto couldn’t help but smile along with him.

“Yeah, I know,” He murmured, leaning back in.

Naruto’s pulse jumped again when their lips met, and he felt Sasuke smiling against his mouth, which only increased the giddiness fogging his brain.

“It hurt,” Naruto recalled when they separated, returning to their previous conversation. Sasuke snorted, leaning his forehead against Naruto’s, his eyes slipping shut.

“Yeah. Like I said, terrible.”

Naruto hummed, and Sasuke opened his eyes, meeting Naruto’s in an instant. Naruto swallowed.

“It wasn’t so bad.” Naruto breathed, and Sasuke’s lips quirked up, just the tiniest bit.

“You’re so dumb.” He said, and Naruto laughed, the warmth building up almost suffocatingly in his chest needing an escape.

“Yeah, yeah, you are too. Bastard.” He replied, his hand finding Sasuke’s and squeezing. Sasuke replied with a squeeze of his own, and Naruto’s heart was in his throat.

“I love you.” He told him. Because he could, and because it was true.

And because Sasuke’s eyes widened, just a bit, as if he’d never expected to hear the words. Because his hand tightened around Naruto’s, and because he leaned forward to bump their foreheads together again.

“I know.” Sasuke whispered back.


Sasuke usually left well before dusk. He’d slip away at the first signs of the sun descending toward the horizon, only staying until the first stars appeared at the absolute latest.

But the moon was shining brightly in the sky, and the stars were endless, and Sasuke was still there.

Neither of them mentioned it. Naruto was so used to Sasuke leaving, so he really didn’t mind if Sasuke stayed. Even just for a bit.

And now, there they were. By each other’s side. Exactly where they were supposed to be.

“So you’re really okay with this? Even if it means being gay?” Sasuke spoke up, eying Naruto from where he was sitting beside him.

Naruto leaned back on his hands, looking up at the sky as his eyes wandered between stars aimlessly.

“Yeah.” He replied honestly. Then he tilted his head toward Sasuke, looking at him, really looking at him.

“Yeah, definitely.” He breathed, and Sasuke met his eye.

“Besides, you’re gay, so it really can’t be all that bad, right?” Naruto joked, well, half-joked, but Sasuke snorted anyway.

“You’re an idiot.” He told him, and Naruto felt warm.

Yeah, he thought as his hand found Sasuke’s, their fingers curling around each others’, their palms pressing together. 

This definitely wasn’t that bad at all.

Notes:

and they left the village together and got married and lived happily ever after <3
anyways, let me know what you thought! and, as per usual, comments & kudos are always appreciated!