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It’s not like Nayeon was ungrateful she discovered from Jeongyeon that Mina was leaving soon, the two were roommates before and best friends for years, obviously, the other woman would be one of the first ones to know that their friend might not be staying with them anymore.
This day has been...well, uneventful for her because she can’t do anything, not when she isn’t with Mina.
The point is, her disappointment was something she couldn’t help but feel. Mina was leaving and if Jeongyeon hadn’t reminded her then it would have been too late for her to do something about it but Nayeon was grateful she knew sooner. She accomplished things.
It went like this.
“Has Mina told you that she needs to go back to Japan soon?” Jeongyeon said it out of nowhere like she was not bothered at all, like it was the most predictable thing in the world but the moment Nayeon heard it, she almost choked on her cold soft drinks. They were currently hanging out in their favorite street food spot, it was a typical Wednesday night where they go home earlier than usual from college.
Nayeon composed herself, thankful that she avoided gagging because not only it would hurt to swallow afterwards but it would be scandalous to make a scene considering there were other people eating around them. “Already? No, when is she leaving?”
Jeongyeon just shrugged, focusing herself back on her food, and the phone in front of her. “She said she doesn’t know yet, maybe her parents gave her time to say goodbye or maybe because it takes a while to pack things.” Her friend did have a point, it wouldn’t be easy to know what to bring or not and to tell everyone in their circle of friends that she’s leaving.
Nayeon had always been the most distant when it came to being Mina’s friend, she didn’t mean it to turn out that way but, well, it’s just how their friendship was, she found it hard to initiate conversations with Mina because sometimes she didn’t want to bother her or worse to annoy her.
She was more considered like a sister to Mina, if that’s how the rest of their friends would have described it, which was fine, it didn’t matter to her because she knew her boundaries as well, Mina was closer to people who share the same or closer age as her but they were still close regardless.
“It would suck to be without her.” That made Nayeon think deeper, it totally would suck, because there are so many reasons why things wouldn’t be the same anymore once Mina leaves.
One of those reasons would be Nayeon’s secret feelings for her.
Nine days before Mina should leave.
“You know that I’m leaving soon, right?...Maybe for good this time.” Mina said in front of everyone. Her tone was a mix of dejection and….hope? Or was it hopelessness. Nayeon wasn’t sure but as they were all gathered around a huge table they occupied, they were all trying to listen to everything Mina was saying and trying to cherish every minute left with her.
The silence and the collective gasp from the rest of them was the evidence of disbelief and shock.
“For good?” Sana was the next and first one to speak up after, her eyes turned wide open from the last sentence, trying to sink the statement in, which she couldn’t process at the moment. Mina did not tell them that she would not be coming back anymore, at least not until this time. “I thought you’d only spend your summer there?”
“I'm not sure but my parents told me that I should find a career there after we graduate.” Nayeon could hear the sadness in Mina’s voice, she would feel the same if she was in the same situation as her, except she would try to hide it by acting energetic all the time. But of course, it’s not about her this time.
Chaeyoung and Tzuyu could only blink and nod, while Jihyo spent another minute zoning out before speaking again. “Do you have a choice not to leave? I mean permanently.” Which made Momo turn her head towards her direction and which made her anticipate Mina’s possible answer for it.
“The argument has been going around since last year so I don’t know if things could be changed again.” They all knew that was coming, they just didn’t know it would be permanent or it would be this sooner.
They gathered that day to make happy memories, to make happy moments with each other so Dahyun broke the deafening silence and tried to make the atmosphere lighter by telling them- “That’s okay! We will visit you every year on your birthday! We can save money!”
Jeongyeon thought it was so cute she went and patted Dahyun’s head as a habit. Bless their hearts. They all know that would be hard though.
Nayeon was thinking so hard too that she felt like her mind was going miles away and that she wasn’t there anymore. She was thinking that maybe, there wasn’t a chance for her anymore, not like she had one anyway. How could she tell Mina about her feelings? How could she stop her from leaving?
Would a confession change things between them? Shoot her shot for the last time and never see her again?
So the next day, Nayeon didn’t want to waste their time. If she can’t confess then she needs to at least spend the rest of her time with Mina, maybe help her pack her clothes, cook for her or help her clean her apartment, maybe order pizza for her, everything else to offer.
You know? Maybe, as a friend. A good one.
“Mina!” Nayeon called out, she was just on time because Mina looked like she was just about to go inside while holding a trash bin. She probably just started throwing out unnecessary things and cleaning inside. When Mina saw her, she ran towards her so they could be closer when she‘s about to ask away.
“Nayeonnie.” God, she loves it when Mina would call her like that. It’s cute. She’s so cute.
“Hi..Uh, sorry are you busy?” Nayeon didn’t want to bother, she could just leave if Mina was too busy but she could also spend the rest of her day helping her because it would be a lot better than thinking about the girl in front of her and there would be no way for her to do anything about it.
She sounded awkward, didn’t she?
“Yeah, I mean, no? It depends? Most likely I’m just going to get ready and stuff. Why?” Mina placed the trash bin on the floor at that point and Nayeon could see the curiosity on her face. She wondered if it would be weird to ask even if they’ve been friends for ages. She just always wanted to be careful around her.
“Nothing..Are you free for the next..seven days?” Nayeon was so nervous she almost couldn’t finish her words and just wanted to close her eyes in order for her to miss how Mina would react from what she asked. “I can help you pack, you know. Or something.”
But the way the corners of Mina’s lips turned upwards more and the way her cheeks got bigger were what Nayeon came to appreciate. She wanted to pinch them so bad.
“I’m going to be spending my time with you and our friends anyway. You guys are so allowed to be clingy.” Mina giggled at her own sarcasm and invited her to come in.
Seven days before Mina should leave.
Mina!!! :NY<3
Are you free? :NY<3
Minariii: i already told youuuu yes lol
Like right now? Let's go out and :NY<3
watch a movie, no malice!
Minariii: ur so annoying haha
Minariii: ok
HAHAHAHAH coming over in an hour >,< :NY<3
Nayeon’s messages could only hold a little excitement but her heart could literally jump out of her ribcage and dribble it like a ball she would win against ten NBA players in five seconds. Just a friendly date, right? Nothing more, nothing less, it was just going to be the both of them but they’ve done that before.
She should be fine.
It would be the start for her to be closer with Mina, more than ever, she knew it was a stupid idea, she knew it wouldn’t be impossible for her to stay but she has to do this for her sanity. Spend the remaining days with her because it might be the last time before they could be with her again.
Nayeon left her apartment twenty minutes earlier than the decided time, she wanted to buy coffee from nearby, might as well have it for the both of them. But she would arrive there on time.
“What are we watching?” Mina asked her then, maybe because it has been sort of quiet inside the car while they wait for the traffic to move forward. And of course, Nayeon has been thinking alone. But she thanked herself that she already planned this one out yesterday.
Well, it’s not Mina without her favorite marvel movies. Technically all of them. “Doctor strange?”
“Oh my god.” Nayeon heard Mina’s gasp before she could even finish the title, everybody knows how much she loves those movies. “Multiverse of madness? I totally forgot about it, I can’t believe this.”
It’s very amusing to watch her at that moment but she can’t blame her anyway.
Later on, they watched the trailer from the monitor outside then bought tickets for reservation, they had to wait for another 20 minutes as the last one started almost two hours ago and the other phases are occupied already so then they bought their drinks and popcorn, Nayeon’s treat of course, she refused to have Mina pay for anything.
And then they went inside after.
“Nayeon.” Mina starts.
She must admit, she would never regret this day because the movie is actually good and the visual effects are amazing. It brings her in awe. Mina couldn’t even leave her eyes at the front. “What is it?”
“Stop staring at me, I’m trying to focus here.” Wait? God. Was she being too obvious? It was probably so weird and she couldn’t even properly see Mina’s face by only glancing because the light was just from the huge projection screen in front of them. Oh, god.
Nayeon just wanted to appreciate Mina’s little reactions and how attentive she is to what they’re watching and the fact that she just wanted to hold her hands, but she could only wish. And she could only laugh it off, she wasn’t staring, she was only glancing. She swore that she was only glancing.
“I’m not!” She made that very clear, Mina chuckled at her. And she loves her giggles.
Six days before Mina should leave.
It shouldn’t have turned into a complete chaos, or a rather little party, it was just supposed to be a calm - cleaning day inside Mina’s apartment where there’s nothing but the sound of her every movement, the sound of the floor being stepped on and her breathing.
But instead Nayeon suddenly played a song and started dancing along with it, and instead, loud laughs could be heard all around the living room.
“Come on, Mina! Let’s dance.” Nayeon pointed at her, if they’re going to work all day then they need something that would motivate them. Although a Paramore song is playing, Fake Happy to be specific, the tempo is what gets her to move with it.
🎶 If I smile with my teeth
Bet you believe me
If I smile with my teeth
I think I believe me 🎶
Mina just looked at her for a moment, “And why would I do that?” Nayeon detected the teasing tone on it. She knew the Japanese girl was just trying to get on her, or maybe she was getting annoyed that she doesn’t really want to do anything but get things done. Who knows?
“Because it’s fun? Don’t be boring!” And right from there she approached Mina and dragged her in the middle, doing a freestyle dance. It doesn’t match the music at all but she supposed that her moves would make it just fine. “Dance with me.”
So finally, Nayeon could see Mina’s smile which indicated as the sign of defeat and then they’re both dancing. It would look stupid from a normal perspective, but that was how Nayeon wanted it to be, just the two of them, enjoying this moment. With her imaginary microphone, she sings along to the music.
🎶 Oh please don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh no, oh what's the use
Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too 🎶
For the rest of their dance, Nayeon took every chance to look in front of her, to see Mina’s smile that is so captivating, her eyes that she considers the prettiest. She’s very grateful that she had the chance to be with her, even alone, even maybe for the last time.
But would it be enough?
Five days before Mina should leave and the third day that Nayeon has been spending her time with her.
They all decided to have a picnic at the park, it’s not that fancy, it’s just nine people eating food under the sun and talking to each other. They all talked about how this should be the way they would enjoy the rest of their time with Mina. But also since half of them would be a little away from each other for the summer after graduation.
“Do you guys remember that time that Mina convinced Momo to eat that one chip challenge?” Jeongyeon continued for them to reminisce about the funny memories. “I used my money to order that online but we ended up throwing it anyway.”
And Jihyo started laughing again to the point of her snorting, along with the rest of them bursting out their laughter. “Momo screamed for thirty minutes while crying. Why did you eat it? You didn’t know?””
“Because you all told Mina to ask me and eat it!” Momo replied back, she always gets defensive when it comes to this. Of course, it would be Mina, she would always trust her with anything. Except she got fooled that time and she ended up crying from how she couldn’t even feel her tongue.
It looked like Mina couldn’t help but laugh again from the thought of it, it was indeed Jeongyeon’s idea one morning that she wanted to try it on the members but their only victim was Momo later that night and yeah it was funny but it got escalated from there and the next thing all they heard was screaming.
It was just a crumb of the chip but it was so spicy for Momo that she felt like she would’ve died on the spot. Sana also witnessed how Momo ran from the kitchen to the convenience store just to buy another carton of milk and a box of ice cream to ease the pain. “You were so dramatic, you didn’t even eat the whole thing!”
“And you didn’t eat anything, it was just me! Me! I’m the brave one here, I survived!” Momo defended herself again, the bickering and laughs just would never end there.
It happened in Momo’s apartment, Nayeon vividly remembered as she was preparing their food that night in the kitchen while waiting for Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu to arrive. But then she heard her screaming so loud she was sure the whole neighborhood heard it. Momo came running towards her fridge finding something but the woman left as fast as she closed it.
Then here it came, Jeongyeon laughing with her phone capturing Momo. It was such a chaotic night, they almost fought for what prank they pulled on Momo but also it’s now funny to remember and retell.
“Wah, I got worried immediately when we arrived.” Dahyun said, the typical concerned friend that she is. She laughed as well anyway. “I thought something bad happened.”
“Bad for Momo unnie.” Tzuyu was right.
“I wished we arrived earlier, I wanted to witness it.” Chaeyoung then got a gentle slap from Momo but of course she would overreact to that. It’s always been a banter and comfortable silence between them all.
Something that Nayeon would miss so much.
After an hour, Jihyo and Chaeyoung called her from a distance. Nayeon was confused as to why they had to be away from everyone else just to tell her something and what it should be about. But that’s why she found out.
Two pairs of eyes were on her, Jihyo continued. “When are you going to tell her?”
Four days...actually almost three days left before Mina should leave.
“Can you drive? As the oldest person here, drop us off in our respective apartments!” And the car keys flew towards Nayeon which she nearly missed to catch, if Jihyo threw it faster it would either hit her face or slip her hands. “That’s Mina’s keys, take her home with you.”
Jihyo gave her an assuring smile. Her eyes told her to take care of Mina while they would drive safely. She gladly took the opportunity, who was she to refuse though? Maybe this was her chance to talk to her.
She guided Mina to her car, the Japanese girl was already visibly in need of sleep. She looked red too, maybe because of the amount of alcohol she took or the fact that it was colder than usual. It looked like Mina was about to slump on the parking lot and sleep there overnight.
They had fun tonight regardless. All nine of them spent hours in the karaoke bar. Maybe if there was no limit for the day then they would have stayed there for as long as they wanted. Like there was no tomorrow, because if a day had passed then that would just mean less days left with Mina and with each other.
Too bad.
Beside her, the passenger’s seat where Mina was sleeping for the meantime of the drive. She looked so peaceful, Nayeon would always hope she would keep it that way.
It was a bit of a luck that she was sober to drive and a bit unusual because she was the sober one between them both this time. Mina barely gets drunk but tipsy Mina is completely silent and if Nayeon gets drunk, it would be a mess that they all know there would be extra two people with them right now.
“Mina? Hey.” She tapped the other girl’s shoulder and to confirm if she had to just carry her inside. “We’re here.”
But Mina was awake, eyes on the outside as if she had been thinking for so long, drowning from her thousand thoughts. It concerned Nayeon to the point that she retracted her arm right away like it burnt her skin or it would burn Mina’s, had it been like that for awhile?
She carefully went out of the car and walked by the door of Mina’s seat, maybe she needed help. From knocking on the window which made Mina finally move to opening it for her. “Can you walk?”
So they proceeded inside, quietly as ever, Nayeon just needed to tuck her to bed before she had to leave.
“Put on a marvel movie, please.”
“Eh?” Did Nayeon hear that right? And she thought the night had been over for the both of them, ready to call it a day, prepared to hit the sack right after. “Aren’t you going to sleep yet? You’re tipsy.”
“No..no, I’m not even sleepy, I’ll take a quick shower.” Mina refused to rest and was actually telling her to put on a movie, a marvel movie to be specific. Of course, her favorite movies of all time. How many times did she watch them again? A curious one like Nayeon would love to know. “Thank you for driving me home, Nayeonnie .”
The feeling of the sudden prick inside her lungs and the sound of Mina’s footsteps that faded away the more she went away had all caught her attention at that moment.
Nayeon chose Endgame just because she remembered how splendid the plot was and how dramatically epic the original theme song was which took her breath away along with the final battle scenes. She knew Mina would want to see that again.
And again and again and again.
She figured that turning the volume up would make the apartment less lonely and less scary considering at this hour past midnight living alone, but also just high enough to hear comfortably.
As the movie started, she wondered how it would feel to binge watch everything in order again, if only she could wipe her memories about the movies she had already watched her entire life and start over to feel the same thing once more. Same goes for music, which for her is one the best things that humans have ever created.
Actually, what she noticed about these movies was just that they had humor, at least. It surely took so many brains to come up with those script lines and concepts to complete the whole thing. Well, obviously, it made her think about it right now.
Years ago she didn’t have any interest in watching these kinds of movies, they always fight because of jealousy and greed of power, that’s how hero movies usually are, they always end the same way. She was not fond of them until she discovered that Mina loved them. It made her want to watch one, so she did.
And Mina was right all along.
Nayeon looked for the time and to the flat screen, the movie was already past seven minutes. It was barely starting so it would be fine once Mina would come out of the bathroom, she should have left the moment it started.
“I was actually hoping you would stay.” The approaching Mina was neatly dressed with her pyjamas, still robbing that white towel on her head, smiling at her like she was really glad not to be alone.
Suddenly, Nayeon didn’t really want to go home anymore. Not at all.
“Wouldn’t it be better to watch it with someone?” That was only sensible, it’s always better when you have someone to watch every movie with because you could always tell them what you think right after. The fact that you could share your thoughts with them is just comforting.
Besides, it would be a chance for them to have time alone, at least for Nayeon, just the two of them, sharing something they both come to love over the years. “You’re right, do you want something to eat or drink?”
Nayeon thought about it, however, she wanted nothing else. “No, I’m good but thank you for asking.” She was satisfied, that’s all.
“Okay.”
They spent the next thirty minutes focusing on what was happening in the movie. There were moments that one of them would gulp or clear their throats, Mina once left to get two kiddie sized cartons of fresh milk from the kitchen and gave Nayeon a straw which the older one gladly took.
It remained comfortably silent, the only thing they could probably hear other than the sound effects and dialogues from the tv screen was the air conditioner across the wall and the sound of their breathing. Nayeon would be lying if she ignored to acknowledge how Mina tried so hard not to let out a sigh or yawn, it was actually amusing.
So she wanted to help her, “Here.” as she patted on her lap, Mina understood and complied then.
Nayeon couldn’t help but play with her hair for a few minutes, breathed in at how great she smelled, felt the urge to touch that skin, warm and cool at the same time that would give her a blooming sense inside. But she kept herself behaved, didn’t move a muscle and focused her eyes back on the screen.
It didn’t take any longer for Mina to fall asleep.
“Would there be any reason for you to not leave, Minari ?” Nayeon thought and hoped what if Mina was waiting for a reason enough for her to stay. Could she ever stop her from leaving?
Can she ever tell her that she loves her? Along the years of their blooming friendship, was her falling deep in love with the woman she didn’t expect to fall for, she never expected to have for herself. Her own great friend, Myoui Mina. She loves Mina.
More than a friend would.
But what reason would make the girl sleeping on her lap, treating her numbing thighs as a pillow, to never leave her side and stay in the same country with her for as long as she needed her to?
[2:26 AM]
From that moment, she whispered, half of herself hoping that she would be heard and the other half of it hoping that no one did. “Can I be your reason to stay? Mina-yah ?”
“Please, stay with me.”
Two days left before Mina should leave.
This day has been...well, uneventful for her because she can’t do anything, not when she isn’t with Mina.
She got a text from her a while ago telling her that she can’t hang out today because she has something important to do. It’s not Nayeon’s business anyway so she had to just accept it or else it would really look like she’s being clingy and needy.
Perhaps, it’s for Mina’s documents or something that she needs before she leaves which really sucks because Nayeon can’t do anything about it. She’s stuck in her room, sulking and trying to busy herself for a distraction.
She accomplished things though.
She made plans with Mina for the past days, in fact, they were basically together yet she still couldn’t make her move and confess to her. Or believe that she is really leaving sooner than she would want to think.
Of course, she knew about it even several months ago but the forgetful woman that she is, won this one over and made her completely forget about everything related to it until she was told again. She was more focused with her academics and her confusing feelings for Mina that she now fully understands.
“God, what else should I do today?” Nayeon has been binge watching movies and series, already taking two naps within the past five hours, switching between her laptop and phone but her day is not getting over soon because the sky with a hue of yellow, white, blue and orange that also gives the tone of a ripe citrus just means that the sun is still up and shining.
She decided to watch one more movie from her watch list that will later on put her into a deep slumber.
Nayeon should have confessed today, a day before Mina’s departure. Tell Mina that she loves her, tell her that she wants her to stay, she wanted to tell her to be selfish but no, she wasted her time and now the woman of her dreams is gone. How foolish of Nayeon.
“I’m in love with you.”
Mina should’ve known, she’s been in love with her for two years, maybe longer even, she doesn’t know how long but she kept it within herself until she couldn’t hold it anymore and eventually told Jihyo, Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung. It was nice to feel her shoulders being lifted, she didn’t have to keep her secret alone.
“Please stay with me.”
Mina should’ve stayed, god, she’s like a broken 10 year old record but that’s what Nayeon wants. She wants to be given a chance to love Mina deeper, love her differently, better than anyone. She wants Mina with her, by her side and never leaves.
“I’m sorry I’m a huge coward.”
Mina could’ve stayed. If Nayeon did something, anything to save herself from the pain that would come after her when this time comes. Scenarios that would chase her in her dreams at night to fill her guilt for all those years, years that she wasted.
Years of suppressing her feelings just to stay in her comfort zone, to save the friendship that now will surely fade by the time they all stop communicating and spending time with each other. She should’ve done something. She should’ve said something.
But she didn’t.
Instead, she found a letter on her bed side. From Mina, for her. Her vision is faint for some reason, perhaps, from the tears that are currently coulded in her eyes waiting to fall on her face. They never did.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. You’re enough for me to stay.”
“I love you and I want to be with you, so much. But I just can’t stay there.”
“I’ve been in love wit-”
Nayeon felt a sudden shake, it felt like her whole soul was being pulled back in a split second. Making her regain consciousness and feel a gentle hand on her arm. What just happened?
“Nayeon?” She was awakened by the woman in her dream. “Hey.”
“...Mina?” She was so confused, for all she remembered, she was reading her letter but before that she was just watching a movie out of pure boredom and to pass the time. “Am I still dreaming?”
“No, I’m literally here.”
“No...you just left, you left me a letter. You le-” Before Nayeon would even finish her sentence and find the said letter which she tried to look at on her hands, she felt the flick on her forehead that will probably turn a certain spot into the shade of pink. “Ouch! What was that for?!”
“I’m not leaving you, Pabo. Not anymore.”
“That hurt like a bitch!” The older one is definitely whining, she hasn’t even let the situation sink in, but she definitely feels the flick on her head. Maybe, Mina should try another one to get her back into her senses.
“Yeah, yeah and now you’re awake.”
“Wait…” Nayeon blinked once, twice and looked at her surroundings again. Mina is in front of her sitting comfortably at the edge of the side of her bed. Mina is here? Myoui Mina? And she was just dreaming that she left? “Oh.”
Only Mina could laugh about it because she still felt light headed from the nap she took and from the events that just happened in the span of hours until now. She hears Mina speak once more, clearer this time. Not a word that she would miss.
“You wanted me to stay, right?”
There’s a better response for that specific question but she nodded hesitantly, shyly, because she hasn’t told her yet. She hasn’t confessed yet and there are so many questions that she wants to be answered right now but it feels like she turned into a puppy that has been caught doing something she shouldn’t.
“Kiss me.”
“What?” Nayeon is sure she responded as fast as the moment the first word went out of Mina’s mouth. She probably misheard it like the stupid person that she is, she wants to make it sure since things still feels unreal. Is she hearing things right?
Mina smiled at her then, showing her adorably perfect gums. “Nevermind. I love the way you talk in your sleep by the way, it’s cute.”