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Tommy realized something as he was sitting at his desk one night. Playing with a small fidget toy and listening to Wilbur and Phil banter playfully, Tommy realized he was lonely.
Sure, he was talking with some of his closest friends, in fact, he would consider them his family. But Tommy wasn’t that kind of lonely. He wasn’t wanting a conversation or a smile or kind words, he was wanting a hug or a hand to hold or a shoulder to rest his head on. Tommy was lonely and simply wanted someone to hold him.
Maybe that was stupid to say or feel while he lived in the same house as his parents. Maybe he shouldn’t be feeling this way while Wilbur was living on his own and obviously had nobody nearby, while Tommy had both his mom and his dad in just the next room over.
But see, that’s not how Tommy’s family rolls. Physical touch wasn’t his parents’ MO. It wasn’t like Tommy’s parents purposely deprived him of physical contact, they just weren’t very touchy people. It was fine, Tommy didn’t really need the hugs that he craved, he just wished they would wrap their arms around him from time to time. He wished they wouldn’t avoid ruffling his hair, or wouldn’t sit far enough away on the couch that their bodies wouldn’t touch at all. Heck, at this point, Tommy wouldn’t mind accidentally bumping into someone.
But he was fine, it wasn’t like he needed the touch, he just kinda wanted it. He could ignore the way his chest ached when he thought about wanting physical touch, or the way his heart sped up when he thought about receiving a hug.
Yeah, Big Man TommyInnit was just fine the way he was, and no, he wouldn’t tell anyone he was yearning for a hug, because that would make him feel like an idiot, and feeling like an idiot was a feeling to be avoided at all costs
“So Techno’s flight comes in at 2pm on Saturday,” Wilbur was saying, typing something at his computer, while Tommy watched with drowsy eyes and listened halfheartedly. He was laying in bed on video call with Wilbur, trying to write down and remember details for their upcoming meetup, but mostly focusing on staying awake.
“Techno-2pm” Tommy murmured in response, quickly writing it down and clicking his pen against his lip.
“Remind me what time you’ll be arriving?” Wilbur asked.
Tommy hummed for a second, trying to remember.
“I think the plan is for me to get to your house somewhere around noon on Friday. Give or take a few minutes obviously, depending on traffic and whatnot.”
When Wilbur didn’t respond right away, Tommy glanced at his phone to see the man smiling softly at him.
“What?” Tommy asked, “why are you smiling?”
“Go to sleep Toms,” Wilbur said, his voice gentle and loving, “you’re tired.”
“I am not,” he protested, “what time is Phil joining the party?”
“Tommy you’re literally slurring your words, close your eyes and sleep. I’ll tell you the rest tomorrow.”
“But Wilby,” he whined before realizing what was being said and how he was saying it. “But Wilbur, I want to get everything written down right now.”
Wilbur’s smile had grown immensely and Tommy could just feel that the man was actively resisting the urge to “aw” which prompted Tommy to throw a pathetic excuse for a glare at him.
“Close your eyes, I’ll tell you in the morning.” Wilbur said again, making Tommy sigh loudly.
“Fine, but only because you’re demanding and annoying.”
“Goodnight TommyInnit. I love you and I can’t wait to hug you soon!” Wilbur’s smile was the last thing Tommy saw before the screen went black and discord alerted Tommy of the fact that his friend had left the call.
As Tommy set his phone on the bedside table and rolled over in bed, he couldn’t help the fluttery feeling in his chest.
“He said he’d hug me.” Tommy whispered to himself as he fell asleep.
Soon enough, the day came and Tommy was practically vibrating in his seat, waiting for the car to turn down the familiar street, and pull into the even more familiar driveway. He was the first one arriving, with Phil coming later in the night and Techno not arriving until the next day.
“So,” FatherInnit started with a small glance away from the road, “what’s the plan for today after I drop you off?”
Tommy smiled in excitement, “well, I think today’s gonna be just kinda full of relaxing and lounging around. It’ll just be Wilbur and I for most of the day, but Phil should get there sometime tonight.”
He turned to look at his window, taking in the sunshine that replaced the usual clouds. “If the weather stays like this, we might go on a walk or something.”
His dad chuckled, “that sounds like fun!”
The car lapsed into silence until they finally pulled into Wilbur’s driveway. Tommy threw himself out of the car the minute it was in park, with FatherInnit laughing and following along at a slower pace.
Wilbur was waiting for them at the door, and as soon as Tommy was close enough, the man pulled him into a hug.
Tommy’s heart soared for a total of .5 seconds, before it sank and he realized that the hug was nowhere near what he had expected. It wasn’t nice and warm and calming, it was overwhelming and sickening and if he didn’t get away from the hug right this minute-
He thrashed and wiggled in Wilbur’s arms, which made Wilbur let him go quickly. He sent Tommy a concerned and worried look, but didn’t have time to address his thoughts before FatherInnit made his way to the door.
While Wilbur and Tommy’s father were talking, Tommy walked to the car and brought in his luggage. His brain was running faster than he could comprehend, he couldn’t figure out why his hug hadn’t felt the way he had been dreaming. Why was it so overwhelming? What did he do wrong?
When Phil arrived that night, Tommy had sidestepped the hug that Phil offered to give, not sure if he could handle the feeling. As he stared down at his feet, Tommy missed the look Phil and Wilbur shared, both clearly communicating with their gaze.
The three of them had a lovely evening, full of relaxing, game playing, and movie watching. Tommy made sure to keep his distance from the others, and keep conversation turned away from himself.
He was pretty successful if he said so himself, however, Wilbur and Phil were quick to start talking once the boy fell asleep.
The next day brought much excitement as the trio waited for Techno’s arrival. Tommy was fidgeting in his seat as they drove to the airport, and once they finally exited the car? Tommy was practically running laps around the two men, both of whom were laughing at the boy’s energy.
Once the four were able to find each other in the busy crowds of people coming and leaving, they piled back in Wilbur’s car in order to make it back home. Tommy found himself proud of his skills at avoiding physical contact, but clearly it wasn’t subtle enough as Techno set his hand on Tommy’s knee.
“Are you doin’ alright Tommy?” He asked quietly, low enough that the question went undetected by Wilbur and Phil who were having a conversation in the front.
Tommy nodded quickly. “Yeah I’m fine.”
“You sure? Because I was expecting a hug or two or forty. You didn’t even get close enough for a handshake, you just hovered excitedly.”
Tommy found himself nodding yes and shaking his head no at the same time. “Yeah I’m fine?”
“Tommy,” Techno said again, raising an eyebrow. “You can tell me what’s wrong you know.”
“I know, I know. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me!” Tommy said, accidentally drawing attention from the front as Wilbur glanced in the rearview mirror to look at him.
Techno gave a small shake of his head and Wilbur looked away quickly, going back to the conversation he and Phil had been having.
Techno brought his hand from Tommy’s knee to his shoulder, giving it a few pats before drawing back.
“If you’re sure,” he said. “We’re all here for you if you need us, you know this.”
“Yeah, I know.” Tommy responded quietly.
The backseat fell silent as Tommy turned to stare out the window, with Techno following suit after giving Tommy one last worrisome glance.
“Guys I think Tommy’s touch starved.” Techno said abruptly after Tommy had left the room to answer a phone call.
“Is that so? Did he say something?” Phil inquired, giving Techno his attention.
“No, he didn’t say anything, but I’ve been watching him today. He watches longingly when we make any sort of physical contact, but if you go to give him a hug, he’ll dodge away.”
“Yeah, I noticed that,” Wilbur pipped in. “When he first got here I swept him into a hug and he looked excited and seemed to want the hug, but seconds after I hugged him, he wiggled and thrashed away. Something’s just been off after that.”
“I don’t think he knows he’s touch starved, it seems like he’s almost guilty about it.” Techno said, to which Phil and Wilbur both nodded.
“So what do we do? If he is, I mean.” Phil asked.
“We don’t overwhelm him. That’s for sure. As you saw, Wilbur, touch won’t feel the way he hopes. So don’t go up and hug him, instead lay your hand on his shoulder or knee, sit close enough that you can rest your leg next to his. Little things.”
“We probably shouldn’t make it seem like a big deal,” Wilbur added. “Let’s just spend one more day relaxing tomorrow, spend the day watching movies and playing games, that way we can work on helping him a little bit before working on videos and such.”
Phil smiled, “that sounds like a good idea. We can shift the schedule around a little. Besides, Techno’s gotta be super jet lagged by now.”
Techno gave a sheepish smile, “well I didn’t want to mention it, but yeah, I’m pretty exhausted.”
“Go take a nap then, mate.” Phil suggested, “we’ll survive for a while on our own.”
Tommy returned from his phone call, and Techno quietly excused himself to go to sleep. While waiting for him to wake, the three settled down to work on separate things, Phil taking the loveseat and typing something on his laptop, and Tommy sitting in the corner of a couch, pulling out his phone and scrolling through social media.
Wilbur figured now was as good a time as ever to put the plan into motion, and walked over to take a seat next to Tommy.
The two exchanged a smile, but no words as Wilbur popped earbuds into his ears and laid his head back. As he relaxed he brought his leg to rest against Tommy’s and left it there, letting that small movement be enough for right then.
When Techno awoke and rejoined the group, he made sure to ruffle Tommy’s hair as he passed by. Resulting in Tommy slapping his hand away good naturedly.
“Ey! Watch it, jerk!” Tommy said, turning to Wilbur and sighing dramatically before stage whispering. “Ugh, Americans.”
Laughter rang out from the four of them as Techno took a seat on the opposite end of the couch Wilbur and Tommy were on. He quickly laid down his head on the armrest and tried to keep his eyes open as the room fell back into silence.
The next day was spent with Phil, Wilbur, and Techno subtly helping Tommy, a pat on the shoulder here, a ruffle of the hair there. At the breakfast table Phil took it upon himself to give Tommy a small backrub for a few minutes before moving on. During a movie the four of them watched, Wilbur rested his head on Tommy’s shoulder and it took everything in the man to hold back a smile when Tommy’s head came to rest atop his own.
During the opening credits of the next movie, Wilbur left to get popcorn and Techno settled down on the floor, pressing his back into Tommy’s legs. He felt Tommy’s leg muscles stiffen slightly before relaxing, and Tommy’s hand came to pat Techno’s shoulder silently.
“Thank you for the shoulder pats.” Techno said, leaning his head back to look at Tommy upside down, which made the blond smile.
“You’re very welcome. Thank you for sitting on the floor beneath me where you belong.”
“Why you little-” Techno’s voice was filled with fondness as he moved to tackle Tommy.
“Wait, wait! I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Don’t leave your seat on the floor. I’ll even give you my pillow.” Tommy said in a panic, trying not to laugh as he offered the couch pillow he was using.
Techno lightly punched Tommy in the shoulder and settled back down on the floor, refusing the pillow. It was silent and still for a second before Tommy’s foot started tapping.
“What’s up?” Techno asked, tapping Tommy’s foot back with a finger.
“Nothing. Nothing, I was just wondering- nah it’s nothing.”
“No, no. Tell me what’s up.”
“Do you think maybe, maybe I could uh,” Tommy cleared his throat, “do you think I could like braid your hair?”
“Oh,” Techno said, not expecting that to be what was on Tommy’s mind.
As Tommy opened his mouth to take back his question, Techno pulled a hair tie off his wrist and handed it back.
“There you go, have fun.” Tommy could hear the softness in Techno’s voice, but chose not to mention it as he began to braid the surprisingly soft hair.
Wilbur came back right as the movie started, and was quick to settle himself back down onto Tommy. Phil took a quick picture as he smiled at the progress that had already been made
That evening, after everyone had retired to bed, Tommy found himself creeping into Wilbur's room.
"Hey Wilbur?" He asked quietly, hesitating a little at the doorway.
"Yeah Toms?" Wilbur responded, looking up from the notebook he was writing in while sitting in bed.
"Do you think we could, we could maybe talk?"
"Of course," Wilbur set down the notebook and slid over, patting the bed beside him. "What's up?"
Tommy sat on the bed and began to fiddle with his hands. "I think I'm doing something wrong but I don't know how to fix it."
"What do you mean?"
Tommy's eyes welled with tears as he shrugged, murmuring a quiet "I dunno"
"Bubs, I want to help here, but I can't help if I don't know what's wrong. Take a breath and take your time. I'm right here." Wilbur rested a hand on Tommy's hands as the boy picked at a hangnail. "Don't pick at those, Toms. It'll hurt you."
It was silent for a second as Tommy seemed to gather his thoughts, absently playing with Wilbur's fingers instead of picking at his nails.
"How come I hug wrong?" Tommy asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, like, I wanted a hug. Right? But when you gave me one, I did it wrong."
Wilbur softly uttered an "oh" and leaned to press a kiss to the side of Tommy's head.
"You're not doing it wrong, Toms. It's nothing you're doing right or wrong. Sometimes when you go without hugs for a long time, they stop feeling the way you're used to. it's called being touch-starved. Ugh, Techno can explain it much better. In fact, let me go get him, okay? I want you to understand that this isn't your fault." Wilbur squeezed the hand that Tommy was holding before slipping out of bed and bringing Techno into the room.
Phil ended up joining them as well, and they spent the night talking in Wilbur's room, only stopping their conversation once Tommy began to fall asleep. He rested his head on Phil's lap and was quick to fall asleep entirely once the man began running his fingers through Tommy's blond hair.
It had taken a conversation late at night between the four, discussing matters that brought tears and pain, but resulted in laughter and growth. After the conversation, progress came easier. Not effortless by any means, but easier.
By the time the end of their meet-up had crept up on them, Tommy had made more progress than any of them had thought possible. Tommy still didn’t do well with hugs out of the blue, but if he could see them coming, he no longer cowered away from them.
Eventually, Tommy began practically melting into any soft touch that he was given, which made all three adults melt a little. They were proud of the progress Tommy had managed to make in such a short amount of time.
And as Tommy left, he was given three separate hugs from the three separate members of his wonderful family.
“I love you,” Wilbur had whispered into his hair. “I’m proud of you and I’m here for you. I’ll come visit soon, I promise.”
“You’re a good kid,” Techno said with a smile. “I may live across the ocean but I’m only one text away. Remember that, okay?”
“Mate, you mean the world to me, Wil, and Tech. Don’t go around forgetting that.” Phil pulled back from the hug and looked Tommy in the eyes. “We’re always gonna be in your corner. Don’t hesitate to reach out.”
And Tommy smiled and hugged them again, because he was going to be okay.
-_-_-_-_-
After returning home and lugging his heavy bag up to his room, complaining all the way, Tommy took time to unpack and was surprised to find a weighted blanket at the bottom of his bag.
“Ohh! That explains why this bag felt so freaking heavy.” Tommy said to himself, chuckling a little as he found a note with the blanket.
'Weighted blankets are found to help those who are touch starved. Will it be a cure-all? No, but we hope it helps a little. We love you Tommy, don't ever forget it!'
Tommy read the short note once more before smiling and stuffing down the fuzzy feeling in his chest. He moved to his desk and turned on his pc, quickly opening discord.
Sleepy Bois Inc.
Big Man TommyInnit Today at 9:07 PM
Do any of you guys happen to know why there’s a freaking weighted blanket in my bag?
sand eater Today at 9:09 PM
:)
Dadza Today at 9:10 PM
:)
the b(lad)e Today at 9:15 PM
:)
okay who added those freaking parentheses to my name again.
sand eater Today at 9:17 PM
the LAD
Tommy stood up from his PC and unfolded the blanket, laying it down over his bed. He smiled to himself as he did so, hearing a discord notification ring through his room.