Chapter Text
Tris
"Don't look now, but Tobias Eaton is looking at you again," Christina whispers into my ear as we walk through the cafeteria together.
I let out a tiny sigh as we finally pick out a table and set our trays down. I slowly slip into a seat and Christina slips into the one across from me.
"Is he still looking?" I ask quietly.
She risks a quick glance towards his table and then back to me.
"Yes."
I take a deep breath and turn my head just enough so that I can see the designated "jock" table that Tobias usually frequents.
For the briefest of moments our eyes meet, but so quickly that I almost think I imagined it; he turns his attention back to his friends.
I blow out a frustrated breath.
He's been playing this bizarre "staring game" with me since I was a freshman.
An entire year and a half has come and gone and still, nothing has changed.
We are in a never-ending staring contest loop with neither one of us ever bothering to actually speak to the other.
"I don't get it," I mumble, absentmindedly picking the crust off of my sandwich.
"Why doesn't he just talk to me?"
Christina shrugs.
"I don't know. Senior boys are weird," she says, lifting a fry to her mouth.
"Senior boys? Should I be worried about this conversation?" Christina's boyfriend Will slides into the seat next to her, eyebrows raised in concern.
At first glance they seem like a strange couple. Christina has such a fast-running mouth and social spirit and Will is quiet, introverted and calm. It's hard to see how they fit together until you see the way Christina's face lights up when he's around.
"You should always be worried about our conversations," Christina jokes, as Will leans forward and steals a fry from her plate.
"In all seriousness, who are we talking about?" Will questions, mouth half full.
I shrug a little.
"Tobias Eaton."
Will looks at me for a moment and then slowly raises his eyebrows at me.
"Oh right, the staring contest," he says with a wave of his hand.
I can't really blame him for being over it. He's heard this exact conversation at least a dozen times.
I rest my elbow on the table with my cheek in my hand.
"What am I supposed to do? It's distracting!"
"Oh come on," Christina snorts. "You know you like it just a little. You have to."
"Why would I like some guy staring at me all day?"
Christina rolls her eyes at me.
"Because," she says, wagging a fry in my direction.
"You and I both know he's not just some guy, Tris. He's the Tobias Eaton. Star soccer player, popular senior, totally gorgeous—"
"Hey!" Will says indignantly and Christina lets out a laugh.
"Not that I notice his total gorgeousness," she tells him in a reassuring tone.
"I'm fully taken." Will leans over and presses his lips to Christina's cheek.
I smile and avert my eyes back to my sandwich. Sometimes it's hard being the third wheel.
"You know, there is a way that you can solve this, Tris," Will says quietly.
"Oh really, and what's that?" I ask incredulously.
"You could always just go ask him why he stares at you."
A loud laugh escapes my lips.
"Yeah, right," I snort, before taking a bite out of my sandwich.
Will stares at me for a moment and then tilts his head.
"I'm serious. Why not? Why not just go over there and talk to him?"
I let out a small sigh and glance over at his table.
He's sitting with an array of seniors all laughing at something or other. Tobias' best friend, Zeke, sits on his left, while Will's sister, Cara, sits on his right.
Cara is the kind of girl who is pretty without really trying. She's tall, blonde, a cheerleader, and the only person I know who can still look like a supermodel even while she's wearing glasses.
"I don't know, his girlfriend might have a problem with that," I mumble quietly.
"What girlfriend?" Will asks.
I give him a disbelieving look.
"Oh, come on, everyone knows that Cara and Tobias are together or hooking up or somewhere in between. You're telling me you don't know that? You're her brother, how can you not know that?"
Will spits out his water from laughing.
"Cara? No. NO way. They aren't together."
"How do you know?"
"You just said it yourself. She's my sister, that's how I know."
"Okay. Then how come they're always sitting together and studying together and—"
"For someone who has no interest in jocks you sure seem to know a lot about what Tobias does in his spare time."
The blush that creeps up onto my cheeks is unstoppable.
"Well, I never said I didn't notice him," I mumble into my sandwich.
Will lets out a little laugh.
"They're really good friends. Cara wasn't always popular, you know. She got made fun of a lot when she was younger. Tobias kind of…protected her from the torment."
"What do you mean?"
Will shrugs. "He just told everyone to back off of her or they'd have him to deal with. They've been friends ever since."
It's a story I wasn't expecting.
I chew on my bottom lip for a few moments, ignoring Christina's piercing gaze.
"Well, I still can't just GO over there. I've never spoken to him."
Christina lets out a loud, irritated sigh.
"She'll never do it," she says, her eyes focused on Will.
"She's too afraid of rejection."
I turn my head a little. back towards the jock table, and once again, Tobias is looking at me. Our eyes lock for a nano second and then he turns towards Zeke, mumbling something that makes him laugh.
I drop my sandwich on my plate and stand up abruptly.
"Whoa, where are you going? I was just kidding," Christina says quickly.
I nod a little bit.
"I know," I say, letting out a deep breath and tucking my hair behind my ears.
"…but Will is right. I need to ask him."
Christina's mouth drops open as she stares at me.
"Are you serious?"
"Dead," I say, my voice sounding much more confident than I actually feel.
I turn quickly and cross the room in eight steps.
For a few seconds, I stand awkwardly behind their table, listening to Zeke give the table a play-by-play of the goal he scored in the last soccer game.
It's Cara who turns around and notices me first.
She stares at me for a moment, and then, like he can read her mind telepathically or something, Tobias turns around to look at me, too.
Zeke slowly lets his story trail off while the rest of the table turns to look at me, too.
"Um…Hey," I say, my voice shaking slightly.
A few of the other jocks at the table laugh and elbow each other; Cara snorts, but she tries to hide her smile by turning her head.
Tobias just continues to look at me.
I have suddenly forgotten every single word in the English language.
"I just…uh…"
"Do you need something?" He prompts, eyebrows raised.
I swallow hard and then nod.
"Yes, actually. I…I have a question."
He stares at me, waiting.
"I-want-to-know-why-you-stare-at-me." The words come out all in a rush, like it was one word instead of an entire sentence.
"Excuse me?" Tobias asks, tilting his head towards me.
"Why…why do you stare? I've caught you more than once. Is there…is there something wrong with my face…or something?"
The words tumble out of me like vomit.
My brain can't seem to catch up with my lips, and every word I say sounds more and more ridiculous.
Cara's loud laugh solidifies the matter.
I sound like an idiot.
Tobias looks at Cara for a moment until she stops laughing before directing his gaze back to me.
"What makes you think you can talk to me?"
His words cut through me like an ice-cold knife.
I don't know what I was expecting but it definitely wasn't that.
"E-excuse me?"
Tobias just shakes his head a little.
I blow out a disbelieving breath and stand there, feeling like the world's tiniest person.
Then I turn around and practically trip over myself getting back to my own table, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.
I sink back into my seat opposite Christina and Will, wishing I could sink even lower until I disappear.
"I'm guessing that didn't go so well?" Christina questions, eyebrows raised.
I shake my head slowly.
"Why did I think I could go over there? Why, Christina, why would you let me do that?"
She gives me an apologetic smile.
"Cookie?" She says, offering me a chocolate chip cookie from her tray.
I take it begrudgingly and take a large bite.
It does help.
Sort of.
Three bites into the cookie, I hear a faint little cough behind me.
When I look up, I almost choke on a chocolate chip.
Tobias Eaton is standing awkwardly behind my chair now, looking like he has something to say.
"Uh…hey," he finally says.
I stare up at him for a long moment, confusion written on my face.
"What? Am I allowed to talk to you now?" I say sharply, and I can practically feel Christina's grin.
She likes it when I'm sassy.
He lets out a little chuckle and reaches up to scratch the back of his neck.
"That was mean. Wasn't it? I'm sorry. It's why I came over here, actually. I wanted to apologize. Sometimes…when I'm nervous…I get mean. It's something I'm working on."
I stare at him for a moment, not sure I'm ready to forgive him for the trauma I'd just experienced.
I roll my eyes a little, throwing the half-eaten cookie onto my plate.
"What do you want?"
He smiles a little.
"Honestly? To answer your question. After you walked away, I realized that you deserved an answer."
I cross my arms over my chest and look up at him, waiting.
"You want to know why I stare at you?" He says in a softer voice than I've ever heard him use before.
"It's because you're nice to look at, sophomore."
Immediately, everything in me feels like it's on fire.
How can eight words ignite every cell in my body like that?
"Oh."
The word falls out of my mouth quickly, and I instantly feel stupid for not coming up with a better response. My brain — as well as the rest of me — is still burning with a feeling I've never had before.
"Oh?" Christina half-whispers across the table, chastising me.
"I—I mean…" I start, letting out a little sigh.
"That's really…thanks."
He shrugs a little bit.
"You're welcome. Any other questions?"
"Um…" I shake my head a little.
"No…not really. I—I think that's it."
He stands there for a moment, staring at me as if waiting for me to say something witty, but I am at a total loss.
"Okay then," he says after a few awkward moments.
"Sorry again," he mumbles, and then he glances up, nods at Will, and heads back over to his table.
"What in the hell was that?" Christina says, mouth hanging open.
I shake my head a tiny bit.
"…No idea…" I mumble, eyes fixed on the table in front of me, but my cheeks are still burning bright red and it has nothing to do with embarrassment.
Tobias
"You have a pretty horrible way of showing someone you have a crush on them," Cara says, leaning against the locker next to mine as I turn the lock on my own.
"It's hardly a crush, Cara, and it just came out," I mumble.
"'What makes you think you can talk to me?' just came out?"
I let out a sigh and turn to look at her.
"Yes."
"You have zero social skills."
I frown a little.
"Thanks so much," I scoff as I pull open my locker and shove a few books inside.
"Why don't you just ask her out? It's not that big of a deal."
I snort loudly before slamming the locker door shut.
"She's a sophomore."
Cara rolls her eyes at me and crosses her arms over her chest.
"So? Come on, you've liked her for almost two years now and you've barely spoken two words to her. Don't you want to get to know her?"
"'Liked her' is a bit strong."
Cara lets out an annoyed sigh.
"Been interested in her. Whatever."
I lean my back against the locker for a moment and shrug.
"You know that I want to get to know her."
"Then what in the hell is stopping you?"
"A lot of things, my father being number one," I say quietly.
Cara rolls her eyes again.
"Oh please, 'Mr. I'm on the city council and control everything' can not put a hold on your love life, too. I won't allow it."
She reaches out and touches my shoulder lightly.
"Besides, who says he even has to know about it?"
"You're talking about the guy who knows what my grades are before I do."
"Yeah, but you could still try."
I pause for a moment, imagining a world where I have any say over what happens in my life. A world where Marcus Eaton, city council member, doesn't make decisions for me.
"Cara, he's ruined almost everything in my life that I've ever cared about. I…I don't want him to have this. If I don't have a love life, he can't ruin it. See how that works?"
"Tobias, you can't let him dictate your life forever. It's not fair to you."
I know she's right, which is why I plan on applying to zero colleges in Chicago and every single college that puts me and Marcus several states away from each other.
She pauses for a moment and her facial expression tells me that the wheels are turning in her brain.
"Okay, idea: come over after school."
I stare at her for a moment.
"Why?"
"Because my little brother happens to be very good friends with a certain blonde non-crush of yours, who just so happens to study with Will and Christina at my house almost every other day."
"Cara—"
"Besides, your dad loves when you hang out with me. He thinks I'm a good influence." She flashes me a smile.
I shake my head a little bit.
"Yeah, cuz you're a huge nerd."
"Shut up or I'm uninviting you." Her words have a hint of a real threat in them.
I let out a little sigh.
"Okay. Fine," I say, giving in because I know she's not going to let this go.
"I guess I can stop by after practice. To hang out with you. Just to hang out with you, Cara."
"Perfect. I'll see you then," she says with a grin, starting to make her way down the hallway. She only gets halfway before she turns back around to face me.
"Little advice, don't skip the shower after practice today. I don't think Tris likes boys who smell like mud and sweat."
I quickly ball up a piece of notebook paper and toss it at her head. It misses but that doesn't matter. She caught the intent.
I can hear her laughter all the way down the hall.
When Cara pulls her front door open and sees me standing there in muddy cleats and a sweaty soccer jersey she lets out a long sigh.
"You didn't shower."
"I came straight here," I say quickly.
"It's not that bad." I run a hand through my hair, looking down at my appearance.
"Right?"
She shrugs a little.
"I don't know. Maybe she's into the whole sweaty soccer player thing," Cara says slowly, and then wrinkles her nose.
"I'm certainly not, though."
"Good thing I'm not trying to impress you, then," I say through my teeth.
She lets out a little laugh.
"You're funny when you're nervous."
"Cara!"
She holds up her hands in surrender.
"Okay, okay, sorry. Come in," she says, stepping away from the door so I have some room.
I walk through the doorway and she closes the door behind me.
"So, what now?"
Cara shrugs a little bit.
"I thought you were here just to hang out with me," she teases.
"Okay, I'm leaving," I say, turning around quickly.
She grabs my arm, laughing.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding, don't be so sensitive. Relax, hang out with me and then when you inevitably bump into her, you do what normal people do. Have a conversation. Preferably one where you don't say things like 'What makes you think you can talk to me?'"
"How much time has to go by for you to forget that that happened?"
She shrugs a little bit.
"Probably an entire lifetime."
I close my eyes, groaning.
"Fine. We'll hang out, but I'm not watching cheer competitions with you again."
She rolls her eyes a little bit.
"Okay. First of all, I only make you do that when I'm conditioning. And fine, I'll just kick your ass on the Playstation instead," she says, leading me towards the living room.
An hour and a half later, Cara looks over at me, grinning.
"Who says girls can't play video games?"
I put the controller down and lean back against the couch.
"Not me. I would never say that after playing you. It's like you literally practice just enough to beat me."
She shrugs a little.
"Maybe I do."
I roll my eyes and then stand up quickly.
"I'm going to get something to drink. Want anything?"
She shakes her head, turning her attention back to the game as I head towards the kitchen.
Cara's house is incredibly familiar to me.
When I was younger, I spent a lot of time here — here and at Zeke's.
These days, I spend more time at Zeke's.
It's just easier to explain to my father that I'm with the guys from the team than with Cara, and I would do anything to not be home.
It's always been that way.
I walk over to the cabinet where I know the cups are, gently pull it open, and reach for a glass.
It's then that I hear the soft tinkling of glass breaking and a soft little:
"Crap."
I shut the cabinet quickly, an odd swooping sensation filling my stomach.
Tris is on her hands and knees trying to pick up the little broken pieces from the glass I'm assuming she'd dropped.
"…Are you okay?" I say.
She looks up at me for a moment and her mouth falls open, but just for a second.
"Oh…yeah. Just…clumsy," she mumbles, and then directs her gaze back towards the broken glass pieces.
"Here, let me help you," I say, moving towards her and then gently dropping to my knees.
"Oh no, you don't have to—"
I scoop up the remaining pieces of glass and dump them into the nearby trashcan.
"…Thank you," she says softly.
"Sure. No problem."
We stay on our knees for a moment, our gazes focused entirely on each other.
It takes me a moment to realize there's a soft trickle of blood making its way down her hand.
"Oh…you're bleeding."
"What?" She says as if the words don't make sense, then, with confusion on her face, she looks down.
"Oh, oh crap. Of course," she stands up quickly and walks carefully to the sink.
She turns on the faucet quickly and thrusts her hand underneath the spray.
I watch her for a few moments, and then make my way to the sink, just next to her.
Once she manages to stifle the blood flow, I reach for her hand.
"May I?"
"Sure," she says quietly.
I turn her hand over in my palm and spot a tiny glint of glass.
I gently pull it out and toss it into the sink before grabbing a paper towel and pressing it to her hand.
"If you apply pressure, the bleeding will stop," I say in a quiet voice.
She replaces my hand with hers and nods a little.
"Yeah, thanks."
I nod a little bit.
"Sure."
For a moment, we both stand there, her pressing the towel to her hand and me staring at her like I've never seen a girl before.
"I'm sorry," I mumble. "…I'm really bad at this."
"Bad at what?" She asks.
"Asking you out."
Immediately, my cheeks get hot, and at this point I'm just praying it doesn't show on my face.
She blinks up at me for a moment.
"You're asking me out?" She asks, eyes wide.
"I'm trying to. I'm failing miserably, like I said. I'm really bad at this."
"Yes," she says quickly.
"Yes, I'm really bad at this?"
"No. Well, yes, but no. I just mean...yes, I'll go out with you."
My entire chest glows with warmth at her words, but I do my best not to show it.
"Great. Friday? I'll pick you up around seven?"
She nods a little bit.
"…Sure."
"Okay. I'll see you then. I'll try and get better at conversations before then," I mumble, and then turn quickly to walk out of the kitchen.
"Hey…Hey Tobias?" She says, just loud enough to make me turn around.
"Yeah?"
"…You're nice to look at, too."
She chews on her bottom lip as she watches me for a reaction.
I smile at her for a moment, and then continue my way back towards the living room, unable to stop the smile she ignited on my face.