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Ahsoka’s glad to find herself in the presence of the force god, the Bendu once again. The last time she’d spoken with the being she’d been rather selfish. Even if she hadn't been aware of it at the time.
And maybe some part of her still is, in that his confusing yet lightharderded pieces of knowledge and advice were a beautiful reminder of the Jedi of old, and the little green alien whose wisdom always guided them home.
Though Ahsoka was considerate enough not to make the being strain his voice in search of some kind of remembrance of home, she was here today to tell him she understood what she'd done wrong and how she'd misinterpreted it.
What the being had actually meant when he’d brought forth the conundrum and correlation between death and change.
She had not died, even though foolishly she had supposed she would-had nearly ensured it by decidedly slamming her sabers into the ground knowing it would kill her and hopefully Vader as well.
It was that conversation alone that showed why she’d been so ready to do such a thing, because like a child she’d made the confrontation about herself when the fate of the galaxy didn’t depend on her, or her potential death.
She’d gone into that fight believing she would die for some greater good, even if that greater good had really only been for herself.
In pursuit of a truth she’d actually already been aware of, known since that fateful day on Mandalore when Maul had explicitly told her so; she’d been defending herself from a thought she didn’t want to accept because she was a child who did not want to see the faults of their parent.
Ahsoka had gone into that fight expecting to die, set up her own fate with her assumption filled final conversation with the deity, and she had continued with that trend by lying at almost every word she spit out at the sith-lord.
Her master could never be so vile, Anakin had been plenty of times, and she could certainly remember a time or two when he’d been down right cruel.
“I wanted to apologize for my presumptions,” she speaks into the open air, waiting to see if her words garnered a response but the sightless god didn’t respond or rise from the depths.
“You truly hadn’t known or thought I would die. That was my own doing, and I’d only believed you were being facetious. I’m sorry for that.”
“You must apologize to yourself,” the god's thick accented voice called, the earth rumbling as the creature rose from his spot. Tall and daunting as usual, although her brain would still affectionately place him as an old wise man looking to help whenever he possibly could.
Bendu hadn’t needed to help Kanan see the world the way the god already did, and he certainly hadn’t been obligated to speak with her before she went to face Darth Vader. They were lucky to have this relationship, whatever it may be.
“I will,” she promises, dropping to her knees, and making to do just that.
Bendu patiently waits as she speaks out into the force, the energy of her realization and correction pushing back within, she shouldn’t have doubted herself, and she shouldn’t have lied. When the force is right again the woman stands, having one last question for the deity.
One that had been perplexing her ever since she’d realized what he had said, in the very same moment she had denied it actually.
“Ahsoka Tano Jedi Knight,” of course he had said former when they last spoke, but that was when she’d been sure she was going to die and he was responding to the assumption as if she were correct when she hadn’t been.
“Is that not you?”
“At least not by an official, not by any ghost and certainly not by the council,” Ahsoka admits, looking up into sightless eyes, “Unless this is your way of knighting me,”
The mystical figure laughs.
“Or am I being presumptuous again?” The woman teases, although not all of her is joking, not eager to be knighted or truly expecting it, but she does wonder if that’s what he wants to do though. If his words had been the offering.
“A dangerous thing is it not?”
“Only if you mind,” the togruta persists, earning another huff of amusement.
“You didn’t,”
Ahsoka wonders how omnipotent the being was if he knew that, had he seen through blind eyes as she looked up at her former master before plunging down? Had he known she’d chosen the path of sacrifice? A self-inflicted murder?
“No I didn’t,” lying was stupid so she didn’t, it was all truths here and now that she finally accepted the answers she'd denied for so long. Occam’s razor really. Even if you didn’t want to believe the simple answer, it may just be it. Not everything was as complex as the mind seemingly needed it to be. Not every ordeal was caused by conniving sith-lords, sometimes it was just a simple misunderstanding.
The togruta didn’t mind it anymore. Not as she sat in the presence of true balance, enjoying it immensely now that for two long decades there’d been nothing but the suffocating dark. It takes a long second for Ahsoka to gather her thoughts, return to them, to submit to the fact that her destiny was up to her determination.
She’d nearly died when she’d thought she would fail, and after all this time thinking she was a citizen doing her duty, and in a rush Rafa’s words came back to her:
“You’re how I want them to be,”
“Something to say?” the force god asked, seeing the cogs of acceptance turning in her brain.
“I am Ahsoka Tano, Jedi Knight,” the woman introduces, knowing not because anyone-even the force god in front of her told her so, but because she was telling herself. Her destiny in her very own hands.
"It's nice to see you again Ahsoka Tano, Jedi Knight,"