Chapter Text
Saturday
---6 pm---
Ladybug added Chat Noir, Rena Rouge, Carapace and HoneyBee to Unnamed Chat
Chat Noir: is this fur-real?!
Ladybug: Of course you start with a cat pun, I regret this chat already
Chat Noir: hey-
Rena Rouge: iwhoffhhiwehefub am i dreamibg?
Carapace: dreamibg
Rena Rouge: shur up turtleman im fangirling
Carapace: ok, i'll shur up :-)
Ladybug: Hi! It's nice to see that you two are already online
Chat Noir: Rena! Cara! hi!!!!
Rena Rouge: wijaijaasjsdjadji
Carapace: good job, you killed her
Chat Noir: no don't die!!!
Ladybug: Rena? Are you okay?
Rena Rouge: dont worryr about it Lazybub
Chat Noir: !!!
Rena Rouge: IM SORRY LADYBUG IT WAS A MISSPLEINGIGN
Chat Noir changed Ladybug's name to LazyBub
LazyBub: It's fine Rena
LazyBub: We should make sure our names isn't recognizable
Rena Rouge: why?
Chat Noir: great idea bugaboo!!!
LazyBub: If civilians see our chat they can easily realize that you are a hero
Carapace: we could lie and say its rp
LazyBub: As if I would RP
Chat Noir changed their name to Hiss-terical
LazyBub: Of course you go for a pun
Rena Rouge changed their name to Foxy
LazyBub: Like the one from FNAF?
Foxy: ... no
Hiss-terical: m'lady you play FNAF!?!!?
LazyBub: Yeah
Carapace changed their name to TMNT
Hiss-terical: what does that mean
TMNT: i'm a meenage tutant neetle teetle
Foxy: oh damn u rite
LazyBub: Hey, where's HoneyBee?
Hiss-terical: probably off doing bee stuff
Foxy: like uhm... pollination?
TMNT: afadfuhafdhioadioh
Hiss-terical: legend says she shows up after 3 @'s
LazyBub: She's not BeetleJuice
Hiss-terical: @HoneyBee
Foxy: @HoneyBee
HoneyBee: sorry I was gardening, what's up?
TMNT: @HoneyBee
Hiss-terical: gardening huh
TMNT: awe just after the 2nd?
LazyBub: Now that the bee is here, rules
Foxy: FUCK THE RULES!!!
LazyBub: No.
Foxy: ... fine
LazyBub: Rule number 1, stay away from anything that could tell anyone your identity
Hiss-terical: understandable
LazyBub: Rule number 2 was going to be that this chat is only for Akuma's but I can already see that that wont work
HoneyBee: so arson is still on the table?
LazyBub: No!
Hiss-terical: HoneyBee, local arsonist
HoneyBee: well I mean yeah...
LazyBub: That's all the rules
TMNT: this will become a trainwreck bc both Chat and Rena is in here
Hiss-terical: uhm kinda rude not gonna lie
Foxy: betrayed by my own bf
LazyBub: Oh and bee change your name so nobody suspects anything
HoneyBee: one sec
HoneyBee changed their name to FaBEElous
TMNT: :0
Hiss-terical: 😺 love that!!!
Foxy: oh god not another one
LazyBub: If that isn't a mood, then I don't know what is
FaBEElous: k, so why is Ladybug texting like a grandma?
LazyBub: I'm just being p r o f e s s i o n a l
Foxy: bee! u cant just say that to our lord and savior LB!
TMNT: so it's a cult now
LazyBub: It's not a cult-
Hiss-terical: storytime; I accidentally joined a cult (not clickbait!!!!!!)
FaBEElous named the chat Ladybug Cult
LazyBub: Sjdweejknwejk no
FaBEElous changed the chat name to Miraculously Bad
FaBEElous: and with that said, I've got to go
LazyBub: Dskcjsdnjsdk bye bee!
Foxy: *gasp* u have a life outside of ur phone?
FaBEElous: rude
FaBEElous: I'm not done gardennig
TMNT: I've never seen u as someone that would enjoy gardennig
FaBEElous: fuck off
Hiss-terical: I've seen Bee's garden and it looks really good!
FaBEElous: thanks
FaBEElous: but uhm, buh bye
Hiss-terical: bye!!!
TMNT: good bye!
LazyBub: Bye! Have fun
Foxy: bye honey ;)
TMNT: are u leaving me for the bee?
FaBEElous: hate to break it to u, but I like someone else
Foxy: wait what?
TMNT: ooooo~ HB's got a cruuuuuush~
Hiss-terical: who is it!?
Foxy: yeah tell us! who is it!??!
LazyBub: She's not online
Foxy: damn it
Hiss-terical: :(
TMNT: u useless shippers
Foxy: waita min- Char, u know her identity! so u must knoe who it is!!!
Hiss-terical: I can not guess ;(
TMNT: lb do u know who it is?
Foxy: oh yeah, lb do u know?
LazyBub: da wae?
Hiss-terical: jdejndnejkewdj
TMNT: dead meme
Foxy: answer our quesion
LazyBub: I cant answer ur quesion :)
Foxy: wduwjdijwdi fuck off
LazyBub: I mean I dont know her identity since Chat gave her the miraculous, anyways, Imma guess like Adrien Agreste, everybody has or had a crush on him
Hiss-terical: Adrien is very seggsy ;3
TMNT: yeah
TMNT: no offence Rena, but I would leave u for him
Foxy: and I would leave u for LB
LazyBub: djndafjdjasfk WHat!?
Foxy: ;)
Hiss-terical: Adrien or LB, go
Hiss-terical: its a very hard choise
Foxy: LB for sure
TMNT: ... Adrien
LazyBub: Adrien, otherwise it would be selfcest
Foxy: or u could just choose me ;)
Hiss-terical: no choose me :(
TMNT: when ur gf and bro leaves u for a bug lady
LazyBub changed their name to BugLady
Hiss-terical: wait a minute thats just changing places on lady and bug
Foxy: uncreative, boo
BugLady: my superpower is literally creation
TMNT changed BugLady's name to Team Mom
Foxy: I mean... Cara u are more of the mom friend
Hiss-terical: yeah, LB is the baby
Team Mom: I am not the baby
Hiss-terical: you are! it's because ur the shortest!!!
Foxy: stop flexing on us with ur height Chat
Hiss-terical: no<3
Team Mom: Just you wait, one day I will out grow you Chat Noir
Hiss-terical: good luck lilbug!
Team Mom: Lilbug?
Foxy: it's her rapper name
TMNT: ajhdjadfa
TMNT: dropping hot bars
Team Mom: ...
Team Mom changed their name to Lil Bug 😎
Lil Bug 😎: yo yo yo, lil bug in the house yo 😎
Foxy: did becoming a rapper fix ur grandma texting?
TMNT: dadfjafafdhafdhu
Lil Bug 😎: yeah ;)
Hiss-terical: oh no, Cara, what have u done?
TMNT: my bestpacito
Foxy: I'll rip ur throat out next patrol
TMNT: kinky
Foxy: ahodfihofhohoqe
Lil Bug 😎: djadsjasj Rena's hate for despacito-
Hiss-terical: will she go away if I start writing the lyrics?
TMNT: no she will murder u
Hiss-terical: Despacito, Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito
Foxy: Chat :)
Hiss-terical: no wait-
Lil Bug 😎: ayo im scared
TMNT: jkasjhafafdfa
Hiss-terical: if I never transform she can never find me and kill me
Lil Bug 😎: bold of u to assume she wont find out or idientity just bc u said that
TMNT: idientity
Foxy: yeah how bold of u Chat Noel Noir
Hiss-terical: thats not even my middle name
Lil Bug 😎: yeah, I've got a list of his middlenames :)
Hiss-terical: no wait now I'm scared
TMNT: whats taking her so long?
Lil Bug 😎: Chat Alexander Aaron Axel Adam Adrien Alfonso Alex André Alfredo Arnold Augustus Noir
TMNT: oh
Foxy: why are all of them starting with a?
Hiss-terical: oh, I mentioned it once, that all my middle names has an A at the start
TMNT: do u really have 11 middle names?
Hiss-terical: no I've got 13
Lil Bug 😎: sdfjsdfjkksSASH WHAT!?
Foxy: damn-
Hiss-terical: just kidding, I've got 3 middlenames
TMNT: lmao what if all his names started with A
Foxy: A.A.A.A.A
Lil Bug 😎: someone: "so whats ur initails?". Chat: *proceeds to scream*
Hiss-terical: njasdjdauhfhud, imma do that next time someone asks
TMNT: afjadfjadfj
TMNT changed Hiss-terical's name to A.A.A. Battery
Foxy: Chat AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Noir
A.A.A. Battery: I said 3 not 31
Lil Bug 😎: u actually coutned them?
A.A.A. Battery: I did, I coutned all of them
TMNT: Chat Alexander Aiden Anthony Andrew Adrian Aaron Asher Angel Austin Adam Ayden Axel Ashton Abel Amir Alex Alan Antonio Avery August Ajehandro Andres Aidan Aurthur Adriel Archer André Ace Ali Arlo Adonis Noir
A.A.A. Battery: jaefjdjfjadfefe
Foxy: Chat looks like someone named Adam
Lil Bug 😎: fuhfjsdfjed im acutalllyt dying
Foxy: no dont dieeeee, ur to seggsy *seductive lipbite*
Lil Bug 😎: fdfsdhsfdufsohsog
A.A.A. Battery: do I need to just accept the fact that LB will never love me more then Rena?
TMNT: Chat, bro, lets run away into the sunset togheter
A.A.A. Battery: bro, lets do it
A.A.A. Battery: can we get a hamster?
TMNT: yeah bro
Lil Bug 😎: is this a marriage happening right in front of my salad?
Foxy: should I be worried that my boyf is leaving me for a blonde man with bad puns and a leather kink?
Foxy: but oh well, more LB for me
A.A.A. Battery: I DO NOT HAVE A LEATHER KINK
Lil Bug 😎: dsjndfhsdfhihf
TMNT: me, ur bf: *gets married to Chat Noir*. u: "oh well, more LB for me :-)"
Foxy: dont take it personal
Lil Bug 😎: what can I say, Im seggsy ;)
A.A.A. Battery: u are lil bug :)
TMNT: I wont, bc I have my bf Chat .A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A. Noir by my side :-)
A.A.A. Battery: wjnjiwiwhjhji can we stop usining the A's?
Foxy: :0 u cant just exclude LB like that!
Lil Bug 😎: thanks for saying I have good grades, but I dont
Foxy: oh, I was talking about ur chest size ladyboobsn :)
A.A.A. Battery: I think m'lady's boob size is perfectly fine
Lil Bug 😎: Rena is unfriended, blocked, reported, un-invited to my wedding and funeral and my mom is calling her mom
Foxy: now who's supposed to sing "WAP" at ur funeral now huh?
Lil Bug 😎: I'll just ask that DJ Nino kid
TMNT: jjwdjkdjxsd DJ Nino kid-
Foxy: imma start calling him that
TMNT: wait no-
A.A.A. Battery: i dont get it
Lil Bug 😎: I get it, hahah
A.A.A. Battery: stop laughing at my missery
Lil Bug 😎: no<3
A.A.A. Battery: *gasp* A HEART FROM MY LADY!!!!!!!? <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Foxy: !!! LB!!! Imma give u more hearts!!!!
Foxy: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
TMNT: r u cheating on me?
Lil Bug 😎: did u direct that towards chat or rena?
TMNT: yes
Foxy: jwdjhfjjf
A.A.A. Battery: no babe im sorryr!!!!
Foxy: sorryr
TMNT: this is why im marrying Chat instead of Rena
Foxy: no wait i wanna merry our seggsy turtledude!
Lil Bug 😎: what am I? a roach?
Foxy: nah, ur my world <3
FaBEElous: you think the world is flat? booo, flatearther
Lil Bug😎: fucking blasphemy
A.A.A. Battery: this is bullying and I wont stand for it
Foxy: then sit
Lil Bug 😎: do not pass, do not collect 200 dollars, enter directly into jail baby
TMNT: and I oop-
FaBEElous: u think im baby? ;)
A.A.A. Battery: oh talking about babies, I vore HoneyBee
A.A.A. Battery: to be(e) the team baby
FaBEElous: imsorrywhat-
A.A.A. Battery: VOTE, NOT VORE, VOTE
Foxy: ajnddjnfjawdfj
A.A.A. Battery: IM- I MEANT VOTE
TMNT: chat has a vore kink confirmed
A.A.A. Battery: NO I DO NOT
Lil Bug😎: I-
A.A.A. Battery: M'LADY IT'S NOT LIKE YOU THINK IT IS
Lil Bug😎: shut up cat
FaBEElous: this is why I hate every single one except for LB
TMNT: favoritism?
Lil Bug😎: thanks bee
Foxy: dont u know how bad favoritism can get?
Foxy: murder, decapitation, infinite power struggles
TMNT: dont forget backstabbing
A.A.A. Battery: or coups!!!!
Lil Bug 😎: this is a chatroom not a monarchy
FaBEElous: yeah -_-
TMNT changed the chat name to A Monarchy
TMNT: it is now :/
Foxy: jafdjnaddfj I love u babe
Lil Bug 😎: waht about me ;( I thot we were meant to be
TMNT: nobody likes a rapper >:)
A.A.A. Battery: I can be ur boyfriend LB!!!
FaBEElous: ladybae <3 dont go for that mangy cat
Foxy: hey- who said I wasnt still in like with LB?
Lil Bug 😎: *gasp* u two timing bastard!
TMNT: *sniffs* fine, you dont deserve my love, I guess I've got to run away with chat noir now
A.A.A. Battery: yeah, I'm getting us a private jet to Hawaii right this moment
FaBEElous: wtf
FaBEElous: why are yall so dramatic?
FaBEElous: this chat isnt a monatchy, its a fucking soap opera
FaBEElous: more dramatic then the musicvideo for Bet On It from HSM2
A.A.A. Battery: you dont get anything to say at all
Foxy: y a l l
Lil Bug 😎: thats what u decide to comment on?
Foxy: yeah
Lil Bug 😎: weirdo
TMNT: yeah, ik, im dating a weirdo
Foxy: u all are so mean wtf
A.A.A. Battery: hey-
FaBEElous: thanks
TMNT: two types of people
Lil Bug 😎: ;) dont u like it when im naughty?
TMNT: ... 3 types of ppl
Foxy: jiwjidjdfjsswjwejds
FaBEElous: I thot I would never see the day LB flirted with somebody
A.A.A. Battery: :/ I wish lb would flirt with me too
FaBEElous: do I look like a fucking genie in the lamp to u?
TMNT: good job LB, Rena is dying
Lil Bug 😎: what can I say, my looks are killer
Foxy: oh they are ;)
TMNT: Chat, that could be us but u never answer my snaps
A.A.A. Battery: its not my fault that I forgot I have snapchat
A.A.A. Battery: plus I see ur pretty face all the time~
FaBEElous: im frifhtwheeling wtf
Foxy: OH YEAH TALKING ABOUT FIFTHWHELLING AND STUFF
Foxy: who do u like huh!?
Foxy: spill the motherfucking tea
FaBEElous: no
Lil Bug 😎: if it's Adrien Agreste then we have to have a duel on who gets to court him
TMNT: ohohohohoho????
A.A.A. Battery: I'll join in and win Adrien Agreste's love and affection
Foxy: Bee
FaBEElous: yes
Foxy: who
FaBEElous: no
Lil Bug 😎: IS IT ADRIEN YES OR NO
FaBEElous: no
FaBEElous: he can get his crusty ass boy cooties away from me
Foxy: "cooties"? HoneyBee, our resident 8 year old
A.A.A. Battery: kjasdjkasdjsak dont be mean to him like that
Lil Bug 😎: phew
FaBEElous: I would like to tell u rena that I, most queen of queens, am not a 8 year old
Foxy: asjkajkdsjksdajkd
A.A.A. Battery: theres an akuma by the paris tepee thing!!!! come now!!!
TMNT: I- did you mean the Eiffel tower?!!?
A.A.A. Battery: yes that thing
Lil Bug 😎: omw
Foxy: me too
FaBEElous: LB gonna defeat the Akuma with a diss-track
A.A.A. Battery: it makes that even more funny bc of ur identity
TMNT: waht, is HB a secret rapper or something?
Lil Bug 😎: G U Y S
Lil Bug 😎: akuma
A.A.A. Battery: already here m'lady
FaBEElous: on my way peasants
TMNT: same
---6:52 pm---
TMNT: what kind of mothman bullshit was that?
Foxy: yeah... never in my life have I've ever thought I would fight a neon green mothman
FaBEElous: how dare Hawkbitch drag daddy mothman's good name trough the mud like that
TMNT: d-daddy mothman-
Foxy: so mothman is ur crush?????
FaBEElous: no, but im dtf mothman
Lil Bug 😎: I- well good evening to you too then
FaBEElous: hi LB
TMNT: wheres my husband
Foxy: I wasnt aware I was a mail, and im right here
Lil Bug 😎 changed Foxy's name to Mail
Mail: stfu
Lil Bug 😎: anyways, Chat is still on his way home I think?
FaBEElous: talking about home, I've gtg
TMNT: not sus at all
Mail: I think shes gonna go pollinate
FaBEElous: uhm no, im not gonna have sex with a flower
Lil Bug 😎: dfudsfuhswhswuh
Lil Bug 😎: thats not how pollination works
TMNT: yaeh, I thot u were a gardener
FaBEElous: yaeh, I am
TMNT: :-(
Mail: will u ever stop giving them noses?
TMNT: #emoijsdeservenoses2021
Lil Bug 😎: ew
TMNT: ajdadifadfjifdi LB is so rude, im sobbing
Lil Bug 😎: thanks
Mail: LB lives off our tears
Lil Bug 😎: *gasp* how'd you know!?
Mail: my big brain knows everything
TMNT: yeah, ur head is big, bc ur an airhead
Mail: rude
Mail: I ask divorce
Lil Bug 😎: oh no my otp is sinking
TMNT: fine, I'll run away into the sunset with my husband then ;-/
Mail: fine.
Mail: LB, marry me?
Lil Bug 😎: yes
Lil Bug 😎: Bee were did u go!? u need to be my best man
A.A.A. Battery: I'm offended that I don't get to be ur best man
TMNT: husband!!!!
A.A.A. Battery: I thot we had something special
Lil Bug 😎: nvm, bee can bee the priest
A.A.A. Battery: *gasp* a pun!!!!!
Mail: chat go away, im getting married to LB rn
TMNT: Rena as ur former husband, can I be ur bestman?
Mail: ... fine
Lil Bug 😎: so ur just inviting ur ex to our wedding?
Mail: yeah
A.A.A. Battery: @FaBEElous get over here were having a marriage
FaBEElous: ew I'm not getting married to you, crusty ass banana hair
TMNT: ajdadjkdjkdajk
A.A.A. Battery: its not my marriage to u!!!
A.A.A. Battery: Rena and LB is getting married
Mail: and u bee, is our priest
Lil Bug 😎: c'mere and be our priest
FaBEElous: i dont think I should be a priest, bc I said I would commit arson in a church when my friend has her funeral
Mail: im sorry for ur loss
TMNT: imsorrywhat-
Lil Bug 😎: ur just gonna be a pretend preist, its fine
A.A.A. Battery: wait who died?
FaBEElous: nobody? shes still alive?
A.A.A. Battery: u dont know that!!! maybe I just killed her!!!!!
Mail: Chat Noir confesses a murder, see more on page 11
TMNT: ajddjkjdajkadj
Lil Bug 😎: Chat- how could u???
FaBEElous: im going to visit her right now??? im literally in the car on my way to her house???
Mail: is it a sleepover✂️?
FaBEElous: jadjddsjowdjo NO ITS NOT
A.A.A. Battery: whats the scissors for?
TMNT: oh u poor innocent soul
Lil Bug 😎: have fun but not too much fun ;)
FaBEElous: its a normal sleepover stfu
FaBEElous: oh look, im here, I need to go
Lil Bug 😎: use protection
FaBEElous: i hate u bye
Lil Bug 😎: love u too bee!!!!
Mail: uhm??? are u cheating on me???
Lil Bug 😎: oh shoot u caughht me
TMNT: LB is a fuckboy
A.A.A. Battery: now whos gonna be ur priest?
TMNT: idk invite mayura and have her be the priest
Lil Bug 😎: SHES LITERALLY OUR ENEMY???
Mail: do it no balls
Mail: we can bully her too
Lil Bug 😎: sajafdjkadjk no-
A.A.A. Battery: this is ur best idea yet Cara
TMNT: thanks my dear husband
Mail: since when did u two get eloped? can we borrow ur priest?
TMNT: no can do, hes missing
A.A.A. Battery: our priest was hawkmoth
Mail: hawkbitch*
TMNT: jadkadjkdjka
Lil Bug 😎: ... fine
Lil Bug 😎: we can invite her, because Bunnyx hasn't showed up and said it was a bad idea
Lil Bug 😎: but in a different chat, so she dont see our un-profeshionalism
TMNT: yeah we wouldnt like that to happen
Mail: yeah bae, ur profeshionalism is very important
A.A.A. Battery: are we gonna bully our enemy soon or what? bc I need to go in like 10 minutes
Lil Bug 😎: me and rena can get married later, when u get back
Mail: yeah we need bee here too!
TMNT: whats bee's role? in the marriage?
Lil Bug 😎: flower girl? idk
A.A.A. Battery: I wanna be the flower girl D;
Lil Bug 😎: ofc u can be my flowergirl chat!!!
Mail: yeah, our flower girl and LB's best man
A.A.A. Battery: yay! multitasking!!!
TMNT: a literal child
Mail: does that make u a pedo?
Lil Bug 😎: stop grooming my boi Cara
TMNT: I-
TMNT: I give up
TMNT: im leaving
A.A.A. Battery: bye husband!!!
TMNT: ... bye husband
Lil Bug 😎: so, im making bee our ring bearer
A.A.A. Battery: is there a bear miraculi?
Lil Bug 😎: i dont know, maybe, why are u asking?
A.A.A. Battery: u should have the bear miraculi holder the ring BEARer
Mail: jsjkajskjkdjkds
Lil Bug 😎: ur un-invited to my wedding
Mail: wait no, i want him there ;-;
Lil Bug 😎: fine, but just bc Rena wants to
FaBEElous: this is a fucking soap opera wtf
A.A.A. Battery: I thot u left
FaBEElous: I did, but now im back
Lil Bug 😎: its rude to be on the phone while getting some
Mail: wiudjidfjifdji I love u LB
Lil Bug 😎: love u too my wife
FaBEElous: I on the other hand hate u
FaBEElous: good bye.
A.A.A. Battery: oh shoot I need to go too
A.A.A. Battery: bye bee! bye cara! bye rena! bye bugaboo! bye cara!
Mail: u said cara two times and hes not even here
Lil Bug 😎: dont call me that
A.A.A. Battery: so? hes my husband