Chapter Text
As Tim pulled his truck into the driveway and put it in park, he took a deep breath to steel himself against the disappointed look he was sure to find on Rachel's face when he opened the door. Things between them had been weird lately; if he was being honest with himself they had been weird ever since Lucy's kidnapping a few months ago, but over the last few weeks they really seemed to be drifting further and further apart.
This time, Rachel would be disappointed with him because he was 2 hours late to a dinner that he was supposed to be cooking her. He had a good reason for being late- he and Chen had answered a call about a horrible smell coming from an apartment an hour before their shift was up, and had found a pretty gruesome scene involving multiple fatal overdoses that had taken place days before. They all were young kids- around 19-20 years old, and Tim had to admit it was one of the worst scenes he had seen in awhile. Once the coroner arrived he and Chen had headed back to the station to fill out the paperwork. They kept up their friendly banter while they were working, more so than usual to keep their minds off what they had just witnessed. That's not why Rachel would be disappointed with him, though. She would disappointed that filling out paperwork with Lucy had been distracting enough that Tim had forgotten all about their date night, until Lucy had gotten a text from Rachel asking if everything was okay an hour after Tim was supposed to be home.
Tim had pulled his phone out of his pocket that was still on "do not disturb" mode, and found 2 missed calls and 3 missed texts from Rachel. He quickly called her back and explained the situation, apologized about 5 times and told her he would be leaving in a minute. She had been quiet throughout the call which was not a good sign, and Tim was not looking forward to the conversation they were about to have.
Ever since Lucy's kidnapping where he had refused to leave her side that first night in the hospital, Rachel had been making comments here and there about how the two of them seemed close, and about how Tim would rather talk to Lucy about things than her. Tim mostly ignored them because they were ridiculous (it wasn't that he necessarily wanted to talk about highly personal topics with anyone, it was just that Lucy had a way of making him talk like no one else did) but he had to admit that forgetting about their date while filling out paperwork with Chen was not helping his case.
As he pushed open the door and walked into the kitchen, he found Rachel sitting on one of the island stools, an empty plate on the counter in front of her.
"You already ate?" Tim asked, and Rachel nodded.
"Look Rachel, I'm sorry, that call really threw me for a loop and..."
"Tim," Rachel interrupted, meeting his eyes for the first time since he walked in. "I understand you had a tough afternoon, and I'm not mad at you for that. I'm not really mad at you in general, I just don't think I can do this anymore."
Tim sighed and raked his hand through his hair as he took a seat next to her at the island.
"Look," Rachel continued, "I know you guys are partners and..."
"We're not partners," Tim said automatically.
"Aren't you though?" Rachel asked. "After everything you two have been through, between Isabel and Caleb?"
Tim did have to admit that he had been through more serious and life changing experiences with Lucy in the last 6 months than he had with any other of his rookies combined. And he'd be lying if he said the fear he felt for her once he found out she'd been taken was anything close to any fear he'd felt before, even for Isabel. And that the fear had taken almost a day to subside, even after he had pulled her out of the ground and held her trembling body in his arms.
"Regardless," Rachel said, after giving him a look that said she wasn't buying it, "I can't help but feel like you guys have this bond between you that I'll never get to have with you. She was there to help you with Isabel when I wasn't, and you were there to save her life when I couldn't. And I find myself feeling jealous of her, my best friend, and that's the last thing I want to be."
Tim sat there, turning her words over in his head and trying to come up with a counter argument, but he honestly couldn't deny any of what she said.
"I'm sorry Rachel," he said finally, not knowing what else to say.
"It's not your fault Tim," she said softly, leaning over to gently kiss him on the cheek. "I'm glad you two have each other, I couldn't think of a better man to have my friend's back, in, and out," she said, giving him that look again, "of uniform."
Tim just nodded as he stood up. He placed his hand on the small of Rachel's back and gave her a gentle kiss on her temple before he walked away.
"Goodbye Rachel," he said as he made his way to the door.
"Goodbye Tim," she answered softly.