Work Text:
“What’s up YouTube! It’s ya boy D-Pain! Now don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe! To see me doing more utterly dumbshizz!”.
A camera pans to a bow and arrow set up with sixteen different kinds of arrows, the boy yanking the camera back to his face.
“Now don’t do this shizza at home because, you will die”.
Setting the camera down so that it can take in both the overloaded contraption and the boy, “now this weeks dare came from ieatmycerealdry69”.
The boy takes off his leather jacket revealing a ripped chest, but leaving on his pure white PVC full head mask. Like always, around sixty percent of the comments will all be about wondering how the Hell he can even see through that thing, with most of the replies going something along the lines of, “I think the better question is HOW THE HELL IS HE ALIVE!”.
The boy puts his hands on his hips and makes an overacted show of laughing in the face of death, before stomping down on the fire button. Shouting “GOING DEAD!”, as he shoots off the arrows, only five of which actually hit him. Ripping one out, he walks up and wags it at the camera, “hey the barbed one hit! I’ve got a friend who owes me a ten now!”.
Kwan puts down his phone and shakes his head at Dash, “this guy is completely insane. You think he’s just, like, a reanimated corpse or something?”. Dash shrugs, “there’s no way he’s human. But I’ll take him over some giant wasp or the Box Ghost any day. What I really want to know is how he got so ripped!”.
Kwan starts smacking Dash, “dude! He just posted a new video!”. Dash feverishly yanks at the phone and pushes play.
“Guess whose got a sponsor up in this shizza! That’s right, today's horrendously dumb life decision is brought to you by a great life decision! Nord VPN protects you online, preserving your internet safety! While my self-preservation and self-protection might be dead and buried, don’t let yours be! Try Nord VPN for free for your first month with the link below!”.
D-Pain jumps to the side to show the latest dare, which looks like some hooks attached to ropes hanging from the ceiling in an obstacle course.
“Today's dare comes from GothMoth! The low down is, I’m going to shove these hooks into my torso, arms, and legs!”, he taps on the points and brings them close to the camera before jumping back and swinging his arms to the obstacle course.
“Then I’m going to run and jump around this obstacle course and let the different tensions from the ropes yank me all over the place! Like an action film Marionette doll on every single kind of drug you should never do!”.
The two boys watch as D-Pain lives up to his name. Jabbing the hooks of varying sizes into himself, they’re both a little thankful that it’s blurred.
“Now as always, don’t do this; you will die!”, he then runs and jumps off the top of one of the cushioned massive walls shouting his catchphrase, “GOING DEAD!”.
Dash whistles as the half-naked mask-wearing crazy boy jumps everywhere and gets yanked all over the place. He’s pretty sure that one of the hooks rams straight through the guys stomach as he gets slammed into a wall. Eventually, he’s dangling by the ankle from a hook in front of the camera, waving erratically. “This was oddly more dangerous than most but Hella fun! Just remember folks, hooks are for fish, not flesh!”.
Kwan chuckles as the video closes, “I think this guy’s a freaking immortal and he damn well knows it”. Dash shrugs, “shit still must hurt like Hell”.
Dash and Kwan settle down as the local freak weirdo trio comes into class just before Mr. Lancer. Dash goes bug-eyed as he faintly overhears the trios mutterings:
Danny: “man those damn hooks were way nastier that I expected, wouldn’t have done that right before school if I’d known”.
Sam: “Well, your dumbass has to live with it now”.
Tucker: “Dude, eventually you’re going to have done literally everything that could fucking kill someone”.
Danny: “I’m not sure how exactly I’d record launching myself into the sun or a black hole, Tuck”.
Tucker: “I’ll make something”.
Sam: “Of course you will, techno-geek. Stop giving this immortal moron ideas”.
Danny: “Hey, at least I have a bunch of ketchup packets I can use to cover up any blood spillage. So I am not an utter moron”.
Dash stares down at his hands and breaths out, “holy shit, what the fuck... Fenton?”. Turning his head to Kwan and speaking just barely above a whisper, “of course it’s god damn Fenton”.
End.