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Reki doesn’t know what to do anymore. He tries so hard to tell himself everything will be fine but ever since the beef with ADAM things have been going downhill. For a while he could convince himself it wasn’t, that things were fine. But it’s becoming clearer and clearer that Langa is in a different league than him.
It’s not jealousy, he doesn’t care if Langa is better at skating it’s just that… He’s scared of being left behind. He’s scared of Langa getting hurt… It all leads back to losing Langa. He’s terrified of losing his best friend. But… he can tell Langa is starting to notice his mood, how much it hurts to be around him. Reki is too scared of losing him to spend time with him.
Obviously he can see how much that contradicts but it’s like he can’t even think straight. When he looks at Langa his heart clenches, when Langa gives him that bright smile like everything’s okay he wants to burst into tears. He doesn’t know what to do so… he hides. He’s nothing but a coward after all.
Now, he’s blown it. He can never reach Langa and Langa is going to break his promise and skate against ADAM. Reki feels sick, Reki feels like he’ll die from how tight his chest is. His arm still aches every time he even thinks about ADAM. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t want to understand how Langa could want to challenge him.
He curls up tighter under his blanket, still soaked from the rain and too heartbroken to care. He doesn’t know why it’s so hard. Why he can’t just talk to his best friend, why he can’t tell him why it hurts… Instead he’s hurt them both. He never wanted to hurt Langa but he doesn’t know how to fix it… It all just hurts and hurts and doesn’t get better.
Maybe he never deserved a friendship with Langa. Langa is amazing, he’s beautiful. Reki let himself get too comfortable because Langa seemed to need him, was clumsy and adorable learning to skate. The only one Reki had met who wasn’t as knowledgeable about skating but was still eager to listen. He should have known better than to take that for granted. Langa had every right to abandon him. He buries his face in the pillow and lets the tears come.
-----
Langa is hurt, deeply, by Reki’s words. This isn’t what he wanted at all. He just wants Reki to understand… But Reki has been pulling away lately and Langa doesn’t know what he did wrong, doesn’t know how to fix it… didn’t even truly realize what the problem was until an hour ago. Reki.. thinks he can’t keep up, thinks Langa doesn’t need him.
Reki doesn’t understand how much he means to Langa, how much Langa can’t stand the thought of losing him. Skating… Skating is his new passion but he only found it because of Reki. He lays on his bed, glaring up at the ceiling like it’s the cause of his problems. He hasn’t bothered drying off. He’d waited outside, in the rain, FOR REKI, for over 30 minutes… Maybe things would be better if he hadn’t. Maybe they could go on pretending, for just a bit longer, that things were okay.
Langa has done a lot of thinking since he met Reki. About his dad, about his past, about skating… about Reki. It’s not fair. Reki’s smile could light up a room, Reki’s enthusiasm is infectious. Reki is beautiful and fun and more than enough for Langa. He’s everything. Why can’t Reki see that?
He’s staring at his phone, the invitation from ADAM is right there… He still wants to race, he wants to win! He wants to show ADAM that he’s better, that ADAM can’t get away with hurting Miya, with hurting Reki but… Reki’s words play in his head over and over. He can’t. He can’t break his promise without hurting Reki too much.
It would feel like the worst sort of betrayal. Maybe it wouldn’t have felt like that before but Reki is hurting right now, Reki needs Langa’s understanding right now. He can’t just acknowledge Reki’s wounds and then proceed to tear open new ones.
The only right thing to do is what he does. He declines the invite. It hurts to do it, the pull of the competition is so tempting but… once the option is gone, the declined invite sent he feels a sense of relief. The option is gone, the decision is made, and all he can do is move on. His thumb opens the gallery on instinct and there it is, the most recent picture of him and Reki.
Reki has the most beautiful smile on his face, happy and excited. He looks happy to, at peace with Reki’s arm around his shoulder. His heart clenches hard. That wasn’t even a week ago, what could have changed so quickly? Was Reki hiding these feelings even then? He doesn’t want it to be true.
His thumb hovers as his eyes trace Reki’s bright and happy face. Quickly he finds himself overwhelmed, thumb moving on it’s own as he opens the contacts and dials a number he’s never called before.
Surprisingly, it picks up quickly.
“Hello?”
Langa relaxes a bit as he hears that voice, thought Cherry sounds oddly out of breath, He’s not sure why he called Cherry but hopefully he’ll have some good advice.
“Hello, sorry for calling so late…”
He hesitates and through the phone he hears another familiar voice.
“Kaoru? Who is it?”
Langa’s cheeks heat up a bit, brain painting a picture it really shouldn’t. Just because it’s Joe and Cherry… Just because Cherry is out of breath… Just because they’re apparently on first name basis doesn’t mean anything, he’s reading too much into it…
“It’s alright, Snow. Did you need something?”
Joe’s voice pops up in the background again.
“The kid? Put him on speaker, Cherry.”
Langa definitely notices the name change but he understands, they have reputations.
“I was just wondering if I could ask for some advice?”
His voice comes out soft, pleading for them to make time for him, for them to help him… He must sound pitiful because Cherry sighs patiently and asks him to continue. So.. Langa does. He lets the whole sad tale spill out and ignores the way it makes his eyes burn to relive it. Cherry is patient, and kind, and only reacts when Langa admits to declining the invite.
“Just like that?”
Cherry asks, serious.
“It’s a once in a lifetime offer.”
Joe adds, clearly he was on speaker now. Langa sighs.
“I didn’t want to but… I care about Reki more than I do skating against ADAM.”
Cherry sighs, long and deep and Langa tries not to think too hard about the longing he hears in that sigh. He knows Cherry has some sort of past, even knows Joe and ADAM were involved in it somehow, but he’s never pried. It’s not his business.
“I think you need to talk to Reki. I know it hurts, I know you’re both having trouble expressing your feelings, but the only way through it is to let it hurt now and let it heal after. I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear.”
Langa bites his lip knowing Cherry’s right but not sure he has the strength to do that to himself. Joe speaks up.
“Listen kid.”
Joe’s voice is soft and serious, nothing of his usual humor in it. Langa listens.
“What you and Reki have is important, it’s the kind of friendship that you want to hold onto. The type of friendship that’s hard to recover once it’s gone.”
Again, a hint of longing that Langa can’t quite ignore. It’s not his place to ask.
“Just… go talk to your best friend, okay? I promise it can’t hurt enough to kill you.”
Langa takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
“Okay… I will… Thank you both for the advice. I’m sorry for disturbing you.”
Cherry sighs again but this time there’s an audible smile in his voice when he responds.
“We’re happy to help.”
Joe speaks up too.
“Call us anytime, Snow. Reki too. You’re both good kids.”
Langa can’t help but smile.
“Thank you.”
They say goodbyes and Langa is left alone in his room. He has a lot to think about. Mostly… mostly all he wants is to see Reki smile, a real smile. He wants Reki to know how important he is. He wants Reki to be his friend again. All at once he pushes up out of bed, grabbing his board and climbing out the window. He wants to see Reki.
-----
It’s not far from his place to Reki’s and soon enough he’s knocking on Reki’s door. It’s late, much too late, but the door opens anyway. Reki’s mom is standing there, rubbing sleep from her eyes and she looks relieved to see Langa.
“Oh, it’s you. Please cheer him up, he needs a good friend like you.”
Langa’s eyes burn all over again and he just nods, not trusting himself to speak. Langa is soaked, the rain still pouring outside but she doesn’t even hesitate to let him inside, offering him a dry towel and some tea. He declines both and she understands. Leaving him be to make his way to Reki’s room.
He knocks but, as expected, gets no answer. He opens the door anyway, swinging it open slowly. Reki’s voice sounds out, dull and tired.
“I just want to be alone right now, mom.”
It’s clear his mom has been making an effort and it’s fallen flat. Langa feels bad for her and Reki. He did this.
“Reki… It’s me.”
At once Reki sits up, eyes wide, shocked into meeting Langa’s eyes. They both flinch away and Reki’s eyes drop to the ground then he curls back up under the blanket.
“Oh… what do you want?”
It hurts. Of course it does, hearing Reki sound so sad, so defeated. Langa steps closer, hovering.
“I.. I wanted to talk to you, I want to make things… make things better.”
Reki sighs, long and loud.
“How? How can things get better? You’re just going to go off and race ADAM and get hurt and then… and then I’ll…”
Reki doesn’t finish and Langa’s eyes burn all over again. He doesn’t think he’s been this close to tears since he found out his father was never coming home.
“I won’t. I won’t race him! I declined the invite.”
His voice comes out loud, much more confident than he feels and Reki sits up again, looking confused, looking miserable, but there’s a little bit of hope in his expression and Langa clings to it.
“Why would you do that? I thought you were really excited for it?”
Langa nods, hesitantly sitting down at the end of Reki’s bed.
“Because… I didn’t want to break my promise.”
Reki’s expression shifts too quickly for Langa to tell his mood and Reki looks down at his blanket so Langa can’t see what it settles on.
“Don’t… don’t let me hold you back. If it’s what you really care about you shouldn’t let me take that from you.”
Reki sounds so lost, so sad. Langa can’t take it. He reaches out and catches hold of Reki’s hand, pressing it between both his own. Only then does he notice that Reki is wet, only then does he realize that Reki is only slightly less soaked than he is. Neither of them bothered to change out of their wet clothes. His eyes soften even further.
“Reki… I care about you. I care about you so much more than I do a competition with ADAM. You mean so much more to me than you could ever know.”
Reki’s looking at him now, wide eyed and dumbfounded. Langa keeps going.
“I never meant for you to feel left behind, I never thought you’d even need to be reminded. Of course you’ll always be by my side. You’re Reki. You showed me skating, you taught me how to skate, you made me the perfect skateboard! You’re amazing! You’re special! You’re… Reki.”
His voice has gone soft, pleading for Reki to understand. He’s the most important person in Langa’s life.
Suddenly Reki is crying, curling in on himself and sobbing. Langa doesn’t even hesitate, pulling Reki in against him, panicked and unsure.
“Reki? What’s wrong?”
Reki just shakes his head, shoving himself forward harder into Langa’s arms, face pressed against his shoulder. For a long, painful minute Reki doesn’t speak, Langa’s mind whirls, did he say the wrong thing? Did he do something wrong? Why, why is Reki crying?
Then, Reki starts to calm down, his sobs turning to sniffles. Eventually he’s quiet but he doesn’t pull away from Langa’s shoulder.
“I thought… I thought you were going to pull away from me. I’ve been so scared I would lose you.”
Reki admits. Langa closes his eyes, heartbroken to hear that. Heartbroken to know that Reki must have felt heartbroken.
“I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. Not when you mean so much, not when you’re my best friend.”
He speaks with fervent conviction, practically begging Reki to believe him. Reki just lets out a helpless little laugh.
“But we don’t balance each other. I’m just Reki but you. You’re SNOW, everyone knows your name. Miya and Shadow both think it too.”
Langa grits his teeth, eyes narrowing. Maybe he should have some words with those two. They shouldn’t have put those thoughts in Reki’s head.
“I don’t care. I don’t care who knows my name or how cool they think I am. If they don’t care about you too they’re nothing to me.”
Reki finally pulls back, finally looks at him. There’s the smallest hint of a smile at his lips and it’s like seeing the sun peeking out from behind dark clouds. Langa drinks it in greedily, resting his forehead against Reki.
“Reki, too me you are amazing. You’re wonderful and fun and beautiful. You are the reason I’m happy now. You are the reason I can skate.”
Reki looks close to tears all over again and pure instinct takes over. Suddenly he’s moving, suddenly he’s cupping the back of Reki’s neck, soft hair brushing over his fingers. Suddenly their lips are meeting and they both melt into it. It’s like a shock-wave, a life changing moment, it’s that feeling from their first meeting, Reki’s jumping over him with his skateboard for the first time. It’s perfect. Reki is perfect.
It doesn’t last nearly long enough before they both pull back, out of breath just from the experience. Langa cups Reki’s face, brushing his thumbs over the tear tracks on his cheeks.
“Do you understand now?”
Reki gives him an impossibly soft look and Langa feels lovesick. Reki is his everything.
“Yeah, I understand.”
They both lean in at the same time, lips meeting again for a soft slow kiss. It’s perfect, it’s wonderful, It’s Reki. That’s all he needs.