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"So, tell me what you think."
"It's very....blue?"
"That's not helpful."
"What? You want me to tell you that it's perfect? That it exemplifies the emotions that you want to portray? Oh, or that you've captured the essence of those passionate feelings that you just can't express with mere language alone - "
Shou chucked a pillow, hitting Teru square in the back of the head. "Shut the fuck up, you romantic."
"I'm just saying, one of us is actually taking art classes, and it's definitely not me." Teru smoothed out the creases in his newly-aquired pillow with frustrating calmness. "Or you could cut the middleman and just tell him."
"I think I'd rather die." Shou mumbled into the mattress. He could feel his entire body warming up at the thought of using real words to confess.
There was practiced pity in Teru's voice, still inspecting the canvas. "Please don't set my bed on fire - I can feel it from over here."
"I'm gonna set you on fire."
"What was that?"
"Nothing." Shou lifted his head, squinted at Teru. Ignored the painting behind him. "Next time, I'm just gonna ask Shigeo what he thinks."
"As Kageyama's best friend, I refuse to subject him to your....ah, art." Teru declared, with an air of belevolent generosity. He gingerly lifted the canvas, and dropped down next to Shou on the bed. "Now, tell me what it was you wanted to express with this?"
The thought crossed Shou's mind - again - that no one should be subjected to Teru's anything. Especially his so-called "romantic advice". But that was a mean thought, one that Shou knew he didn't really believe - just one that seemed extremely tempting to say out loud. Besides, he'd asked for it.
And Teru was his friend.
So he took the high road, against his better judgement, and sat up with a huff.
"This is Ritsu."
"I already know you want to give it to Brother-kun."
"No - I mean, this is him."
"So....this is an abstract form of a portrait?"
"No."
"You're losing me, Suzuki."
"Oh for - just give it here." Shou carefully pulled the painting out of Teru's hands, stuck his tongue out for good measure.
Teru sniffed, somehow managed to look indignant despite the heart-patterned pyjamas. "I'm still listening."
"Just look."
He was giving him that patience-wearing-very-thin expression again. It was probably justified, considering that it was closing in on midnight, so Shou figured he could at least try and make this as simple as possible.
"See, this here - I don't know how well you can see auras, but Ritsu's has this.....splintered look at the edges."
He traced a contrasting line near the corner of the canvas, finger hovering just above. His very first impression of Ritsu, way back when they'd first met. Jagged and frightened and stubborn. Familiar.
"You'd think it was something sharp enough to cut, right? Unbreaking, like steel. But it's not. It bends, sways when he breathes, when he moves, when he's excited, angry, upset. And closer....."
A burst of sky blues, lavender, an undertone of a specific shade of green that Shou spent a half hour mixing to get right. He'd wanted to capture that exact color of when he'd surprised Ritsu with a bag of his favorite snacks after exams. They'd stayed up to watch the sunrise, dizzy and laughing at every little thing. Ritsu had fallen asleep on his shoulder, curled under the old comforter that Shou knew was still Ritsu's favorite.
"It's so vivid. Ritsu doesn't see it, but it reminds me of Shigeo. Still different, though."
Shou needed that to come through, that Ritsu was amazing in ways that had nothing to do with his older brother. Even Shou had trouble keeping up with him, sometimes.
"He doesn't feel....overwhelming. His colors are strong, because he's strong, but - "
His finger stopped at the center of it all. He didn't have words to describe what it was he'd decided was the focal point. Pinks, gentler blues, yellow, greys - something completely unique. Wholly Ritsu.
" - Ritsu has his own light. Something constant. You can't miss it, but you don't always see it, exactly. It's reassuring, but serious, even when he's doing the stupidest things imaginable."
Shou saw it. He saw it everywhere.
Ritsu studying late at night.
Ritsu panicking over his friend's health.
Ritsu staring him down in the middle of sparing.
Ritsu half-awake while they watched movies, Ritsu smiling at some dumb pun, Ritsu fully concentrated in class, Ritsu wide-eyed as he held Shou's hampster for the first time, Ritsu napping on his floor when they were supposed to be hanging out.
Shou wanted Ritsu to see what Shou saw.
"Y'know? I think.....that's the part I love the most. This part. The part of Ritsu that wants to live the life he's been given, no matter what. I want him to see that I love him for that."
The silence in the room was deafening as soon as Shou realized that it was silent.
He jerked his hand back, only to find Teru blinking away - were those tears?
"Suzuki Shou," he said, voice thick, "please teach me how to paint."
"What."
"That was more beautiful than any confession I've ever seen - "
"Teru, what the fuck - "
" - I had no idea that you could express such emotion with just some colors - "
"That's not - "
" - and if you could just show me how - "
"Teru!"
Teru blinked. Realized how close he was to Shou's face, the raised painting, and scrambled backwards. Shou slowly lowered his arms, eyeing the way that his friend was practically vibrating.
"Shit, sorry. I got excited."
"Uh-huh."
"I think I get it now."
"Get - you do?"
"Yeah!"
"Really."
"Yes!" Teru nodded, jumped off the bed and started pacing. "It's all about the intention of a piece, right? The artist's knowledge of their subject, and how that shines through regardless of if the work is realistic or not."
"That's literally in the first paragraph of every art history textbook ever, but yes."
"So you have to show it to him!"
"You don't think it's too.....personal?"
"Isn't that the whole point of a confession? To show your personal connection to the other person?"
"Well...."
"Unless you'd rather try and explain it without the visual assistance?"
"No - no, no, that would be - just no."
"Suzuki, I am going to give you the most serious advice I've ever given anyone."
"Oh god."
Teru cocked a hip, pointed at him with utmost, brazen confidence.
"If you love someone, it's important that your confession come from the heart. No matter if it's through a speech, a letter, a gift, or even a painting. As long as you express the truth of your feelings, it will turn out alright."
"But - "
"No 'buts'! You've crafted the most thoughtful, meaningful confession I've ever had the privilege of helping with." Shou flinched when Teru clapped a hand on his shoulder, shook him gently. "I think you've expressed yourself just fine. And I believe that Brother-kun will receive your honest feelings, and he'll understand that they come from your heart."
"Oh."
"Okay?"
"Y-Yeah."
"You'll show this to him?"
"I think so."
"Think so?"
"I - I will show him."
"Great! That's the kind of confidence you need!
"I never thought I'd be taking love advice from a guy in his pyjamas...." Shou felt like he was drifting in some kind of relieved-but-anxious fog. Was Teru right? He sounded right. But what if he was wrong? Everything could go wrong!
"And I never thought I'd have to give advice at - one in the morning, shit, alright, time for you to go!"
"Wait - what?"
"I need my sleep! Growing boy, lots of rest, you know the drill."
Teru nudged him off the bed, steered him by the shoulders to his balcony. It slid open in a flash of yellow, Shou still too dazed to dig his heels in and protest being kicked out. "Teru - "
"Goodnight! Thank you for stopping by, lots of love, let me know how it goes!"
And then he was outside. The door closed behind him, the light flickered out.
"Um....goodbye?"
Shou was halfway home before he remembered to check his phone. His mom had gotten on his case for sneaking out late at night - they'd come to the agreement that he could come and go, as long as he texted to say where he was going, when he arrived and how long he'd be.
She was cool like that.
The fact that it was Ritsu in his notifcations startled him so badly he nearly dropped the painting.
spoon boy - 1:36am
Hey, you wanna come over? I'm bored out of my fucking mind and don't want to study trig anymore
hamtaro - 1:37am
sure, be there in like 5 minutes
He hit send before remembering that there was a painting - Ritsu's painting - delicately jammed under his arm.
Oh, shit.
spoon boy - 1:37am
Sounds good, glad you're not busy :)
Oh no, no no no. Ritsu only used those stupid little emoticons when he was in a proper good mood. There was no way that Shou could back out now - though he was likely to just go home and scream into his pillow for a few hours at this point.
Ritsu would think this painting was stupid. He'd think Shou was stupid. Who makes a sentimental painting for their best friend, anyway? It was weird, he was weird -
"You have to show this to him! You've expressed yourself just fine."
Shou looked down at his painting. He could almost imagine it glowing in the faint winter moonlight.
"He'll understand that they come from your heart."
All of the feelings that Shou had put into this were - they were feelings he got from Ritsu when they were together.
Maybe....maybe Ritsu wouldn't hate him if he showed him how he felt. Maybe they could still be friends, even if Ritsu didn't feel the same.
Shou wanted to be friends more than anything; he didn't want to lose his friendship with Ritsu just because he had these - these dumb feelings.
Just because he wanted to stay by his side for as long as they wanted to be together.
It scared him.
"I cannot believe that I'm listening to Teru about this...."
Ritsu can never know, he vowed to himself. I'll never hear the end of it if he finds out that Teru of all people convinced me to go through with this stupid idea.
- - - - - - - -
Shou's resolve was rapidly crumbling the closer he got to the Kageyama house.
It got so bad that he switched to carrying the painting with his powers, afraid of smearing the paint with his sweaty hands.
And when he finally did arrive, there was a long, panic-driven minute where Shou nearly turned around and opted to relocate himself to the opposite side of the planet. Even the fucking moon was starting to sound reasonable.
This is stupid, this is dumb, this is a terrible idea, what am I thinking?!
"Shou?"
Fuck.
"It's been like, five minutes....are you okay?"
"Uh - yeah! Yeah, I'm good."
Ritsu didn't seem convinced, but shrugged anyway. "Well, it's cold. Come inside, I don't want Mom reminding me to keep my windows shut in the winter."
"Oh, sorry."
Shou tugged off his shoes before slipping inside. There was a little box Ritsu kept by the window for them, they'd gotten bored one afternoon and scribbled on it with some of Ritsu's old highlighters. Somebody - Shou couldn't remember which one of them - had helpfully labeled two circles "left" and "right".
A nagging voice in the back of his mind wondered if Ritsu would throw out the box if he decided to cut ties with him.
Maybe he would pack it full of the things they'd made together, hand it to Shou and tell him to get out.
"You're sure you're okay?"
"What?"
"Shou." And that was Ritsu's serious tone, Shou looked up from the floor to see his best friend staring at him with poorly-hidden concern. "What's wrong?"
"I'm - I wanted - to, um - " Shou hated this tongue-tied feeling, hated not being able to talk to Ritsu about this thing that was so important to him. It was about Ritsu, goddammit!
So instead of opening his fucking mouth like a normal person, Shou steeled as much courage as possible and shoved the painting into Ritsu's hands.
"It's - this is - it's for you."
"Me?"
"Yeah."
Ritsu's gaze slowly dropped down. Shou watched him look it over, watched his eyes trace the lines and curves. Silently willed him to understand so he wouldn't have to spell it out.
"It's really pretty, Shou, but....why me?"
Shou swallowed a groan. "I guess - when I said it was for you, that was - well, it is for you, but it also, kinda....is....you?"
A second confused stare. "I don't understand."
Another long moment passed while Shou scrambled to make words come out in functional sentences. Ritsu's brows dipped lower and lower, until he finally looked back down at the painting.
"Wait....I think I see it?"
"You do?" The relief that came from those words might've saved Shou from a heart attack.
"Well, yeah." Ritsu tilted his head, Shou decided to bridge what felt like a widening gap and stand by his shoulder. At least he could see what Ritsu might be pointing at this way. "These are....the colors you always tell me I look like, right?"
"Mm."
"And here - I remember that you told me my powers felt like broken ice, once. That's the pointier bits."
"Mhm."
"But this center part....I don't understand this? It's beautiful though, the colors look really nice together."
He looked up, and Shou suddenly regretted his choice to get closer. Ritsu did understand, but he was going to have to explain how important the center was to the whole piece.
"That part....well, the whole painting is how I see you all the time." When Ritsu didn't respond, Shou figured that meant he needed to go into more detail. The words were coming easier now that he'd started talking.
"Ritsu - you know you're my best friend, right?" A nod. "This painting is how I see you. It's starts here - "
Shou caught Ritsu's eye long enough to ask silent permission, got another nod as confirmation. He took his hand, guided it to the harsher edges of the painting.
" - up here - this is how I remember you when we first met. You'd just gotten your powers, and you were angry and scared, everything was so fucked up. But you were ready to defend those kids, even with no experience. I admired that. I still do. This is your protective side."
Before Ritsu could interject, Shou moved Ritsu's hand further inward.
"In here, this is after we got to know each other a little better. Mostly after the whole 'world domination' bullshit my Pops pulled, but I could see it clearly when we fought together. You look like this - I mean, your aura - when we hang out with everybody after a long day, or when you get a good grade on a test you studied hard for. It - it feels like being content, or like friendship."
"Shou.....I don't - "
This next part scared Shou more than anything. He didn't want to, but he barrelled over Ritsu. If he didn't keep talking, the words would vanish, he was sure. He slowly pushed Ritsu's hand into the center.
"I just - this might sound weird." His hands were shaking. Ritsu could probably feel it.
"But this part - the part you asked about? This is you. This is what I see when you laugh at me because of whatever dumb thing I've done. I see this when we stay up late and talk for hours about the future. When you take my hand so we don't miss the train, even though we can both fly. When I call you at four in the morning because I can't sleep, but you're already awake, and we sit on your roof and watch the sun come up before you leave for school.
"Ritsu, I see this light, and it's incredible. It's - it really is - something that I - I love. About you. That you shine so brightly, even after all the shit you've been through. And I'm so, stupidly happy that you share that with me. God, that sounds so fucking corny, but it's all true."
He wasn't sure who was shaking more, at this point. And Ritsu was just staring, eyes wide, so Shou kept talking.
"I don't - I love all those things about you, Ritsu. I wanted to show you that, through this. And maybe this sounds kinda dumb, because I just said that I love you, and I do, but I want - I want to be friends, still."
"What?" Ritsu's voice was barely a whisper.
"It's just - I never - the whole dating thing. I'm not - I mean, I've been told that it's nice, but I just don't want that, y'know?"
Ritsu blinked, some sort of comprehension dawning. "But....you said that you do love me."
"Yes! Yes, yes, absolutely, I just don't want the whole romance stuff." Shou wasn't sure where all this was coming from - it had been whispers in the back of his mind for years, but now that he was faced with somebody who would listen, it started clicking together all at once.
"I want to call you my best friend, and say that I love you, hold your hand if we're walking in crowded places, and maybe someday we can move in together after high school and adopt a fuckton of pets, but like - not be together-together?"
It was here that Ritsu stepped back. Shou let him, acutely aware that Ritsu needed the physical space to process the everything that Shou had just dropped on him.
The faded yellow of Ritsu's desk lamp made it feel like the world had been confined to just the two of them.
Ritsu did a lot of peering at Shou's painting. Grabbed his glasses, and stared some more.
Shou pulled at his sleeves, stomping down the urge to pace trenches into the floor.
"Shou - "
"Yeah?" His heartrate quadrupled, but Ritsu's expression was carefully neutral.
"You....you're my best friend too. And it's kinda funny, because - because I've been thinking about this."
"Thinking about....me?"
"Well, yeah. About us, and how I feel, and what would make me happy - but mostly what would make you happy, and if that would even include me at all."
"Ritsu, that's - "
"Let me finish, please."
"Right. Sorry."
"And I think it's funny because I - I felt the same way." Shou bit his lip, wanting to make sure that Ritsu felt like he'd gotten all his own words out before speaking up. "I never understood the desire to have a girlfriend - or a boyfriend, a partner of any kind, really. So I didn't understand when I started thinking those kinds of - of "romance" things about us.
"But it wasn't anything like the stuff other people were telling me romance was supposed to be like. I just wanted to....fuck, I dunno, go grocery shopping together? Decorate our bedrooms with stupid things that we both like, but still have separate bedrooms because I know we both like our space? That's the kind of stuff I want to do - but I've only wanted to do that with you."
A nervous giggle was bubbling in the back of Shou's throat, and he was biting his cheek hard enough to hurt but it wasn't working.
"I love - oh god, I love you too, Shou - "
He was laughing now, Ritsu just said he loved him, but -
"But in the most friend-way possible?"
"Yes!"
And it was near-hysterical laughter that burst from them both, Ritsu oh-so-gently setting Shou's painting down before taking his hand.
"Can I please give you a hug?"
"God, yeah."
So Ritsu pulled his best friend into a hug tighter than you'd expect from someone so lean, and Shou buried his face into his best friend's shoulder, furiously blinking away tears.
"We're so fucking stupid," Ritsu grumbled, "all this buildup, and now what?"
"What'd you mean 'now what'?"
"I mean, now what?"
"You're gonna have to elaborate, I've been stressed about this for a whole week and my brain's fried."
They pulled apart, Shou's chest aching in the good way you get from a nice, long hug. There was a wet spot on Ritsu's shoulder that he politely ignored.
"Do I call you my boyfriend now? I don't think what we want to do is dating in the technical sense...."
"In my expert opinion - "
"Expert?"
" - I say who cares? It doesn't matter to me if you call me your boyfriend, and I don't mind calling you my boyfriend either way - but then again, it might mean you'd get less confessions...."
"Hmm...."
"Oh - no, no, I know that look - "
"It'll be a Schroedinger's relationship!"
"Ritsu, no - "
"Because to everyone else, we'll say we're dating, but to us, we won't be!"
"That's literally just a fake dating cliché - "
"The drama that it'll cause, though! Think about it, Shou....we can cause so much internal drama!"
"I'm not going to live out some kind of sitcom bullshit just because my not-boyfriend has a bigger chaos streak then I do!"
Ritsu waved a dismissive hand. "Fine, we can figure out the details later."
"As long as we get to hang my painting in our future apartment?" Shou asked, if only to get Ritsu's mind off of the many ways he could torment his classmates with harmless, manufactured drama.
"Of course - as soon as you help me paint one for you."
"Like a matching set?"
Ritsu smiled, and Shou couldn't help but smile back.
"A matching set, yeah."
He still had his best friend. There were definitely going go be some bumps along the way, but they could handle them together.
That was the important part.
"As soon as I help Teru paint his, you're next on the list."
Ritsu frowned. "Why would Hanazawa need a painting like this....?"