Work Text:
“Delivery for Lee Donghyuck?” The man at the door asked as he swung the door opened.
Beyond confused, Donghyuck stared at the Chinese takeout in the man’s hand. “Um, I didn’t order any Chinese?”
At least, he was pretty sure that he didn’t order anything in his half asleep state of mind. It was two in the morning, and although he was starving, he had been too busy trying to finish his report for statistics to worry about food.
Not to mention, he had already exhausted the budget he had for takeout for the month. Midterms week was actual hell, and he may or may not have gone overboard with the amount of cheesecake and fried Oreos he had delivered to his door. They were a series of very indulgent and impulsive decisions while he was drowning in stress, but also very necessary. If his bank account needed to be a little emptier and his wallet to cry a bit for him to keep his sanity for another week then it was worth it. Totally worth it.
“But you’re Lee Donghyuck, aren’t you?” The man asked again, looking down at the order in his hands, reading the address on it. “This was ordered to be delivered to you, at 123 Dream Street, Apartment 127.” Then peeking at the three digit number etched on his door, the man hummed. “Yeah, this is definitely Apartment 127.”
“But… I didn’t order anything…,” Donghyuck trailed off, gripping at the edge of his door tightly.
“Well, it’s already paid for, so just take it.” Before he could even argue even more, the delivery man thrusted the bag of food into his arms. “It seems like you need it anyways. See ya, kid.”
Boy, did he need it. Donghyuck needed it a shit ton.
Closing the door with a soft click, he patted back towards the living room, where he had been setting up camp for the past couple of days to finish up his project. As he flopped back down onto the ground, rather ungracefully, Donghyuck untied the plastic bag with a sigh, staring a little longingly at the bright yellow smiley face on the front.
The longer he stared at it, Donghyuck began to feel the hollow, empty feeling in his chest again, one that he had been feeling a whole lot in the past couple of months. One that had no one to blame but himself. It was all of his fault, always been.
He gave the smiley face a bitter smile for mocking him like that. Then he pulled the tiny containers out from the bag, pushing aside all of his papers and notes to make room for them on the tiny coffee table. When he opened up each and every single of them, Donghyuck was surprised to see all of his favorite Chinese dishes laid out on the table; Mapo Tofu, Sichuan Tengjiao beef, hot and sour soup, and of course, crab rangoons— he could never forget the crab rangoons, they were a necessity every time he had Chinese, even if it wasn’t really authentic Chinese cuisine.
There was a receipt at the bottom of the bag and he tugged it free, looking over the items that were supposedly ordered for him. Dragging his eyes over the piece of paper and down the rows of faded printing, Donghyuck choked as he looked at the spice level of each dish, eyes widening when they were all at the spice levels that he would have usually ordered. But that wasn’t the point, it was all the special instructions that was requested with each dish— subbing out cilantro for extra onions, less ginger and more scallions, and extra rice. There was only one person other than himself that knew his preferences, that actually remembered them like that.
Donghyuck felt his throat constricting, making it a little harder to breathe as his vision swam. Clutching the receipt so tightly between his fingers that it nearly ripped— maybe it did, he couldn’t remember, his mind was all too numb.
They broke up more than four months ago and Mark didn’t really seem to understand the concept of breaking up or having exs. Instead of wanting to have absolutely nothing to do with one another, Mark did quite the exact opposite. If anything, Mark gave him even more than what he had given when they were still in a relationship together. After all that time, having spent so many months apart, Donghyuck couldn’t come up with a good, valid reason why Mark was still taking care of him as if they were still boyfriends.
Donghyuck ruined their relationship, at least in his own mind he did. He was the one that called it off. He was the one that was sick and tired on the plateau that their relationship hit after the first year breezed by. He wanted something more, and it had been something that he saw in Jaemin once. Although, that didn’t last long, barely even a month long. At first, it had been thrilling with Jaemin, extremely fun, fooling around and discovering each other again. It had been something new and exciting, everything that his and Mark’s relationship wasn’t, and Donghyuck craved it. That marvelous new feeling faded though. He and Jaemin called it quits. They were better off as friends anyways, even better as roommates.
And so, for a fleeting moment of something new and pleasurable, Donghyuck threw everything that he had with Mark away. It wasn’t worth it, not by a long shot. He couldn’t even fathom why he had done it. It was so, so stupid of him to let something as good as what they had slip through his fingers— to let a love as great as the one that Mark had for him to slip away. He was a fool, the biggest fool in the entire universe.
Donghyuck hated himself for it. But apparently, Mark didn’t.
He choked out a bitter laugh, remembering back when he and Mark started dating, and Mark was worried that he wasn’t putting enough love into the relationship because he wasn’t as affectionate as Donghyuck had been in. In that moment, Donghyuck proudly declared that he would love enough for the both of them if needed. Yet, it was funny how the tables have turned. Now it was Mark who was loving enough for the both of them, and more ironically when they weren’t even together anymore.
Donghyuck hated that counting these Chinese dishes, it would be the second time that Mark doordashed food for him that week, and that wasn’t already counting the daily coffee that Mark paid in advance for him.
He had been angry that Mark continued to do it at first, but he figured that it was a habit that was hard to break, especially when it was something that Mark did everyday for nearly a whole year.
.
There was a ridiculous amount of Starbucks on and off campus, almost one on every corner, but Donghyuck always preferred the quaint, small hole in the wall coffee shop at the end of their apartment block. At least there, their green tea tasted like something more than water and burnt tea leaves. Of course, their specially brewed coffee was to die for too; great even without the extra sugar or cream.
Pushing through the doors and sighing in relief as the warmth of the coffee shop brought back the feeling in his toes, Donghyuck headed straight for the counter. He didn’t even bother to spare the menu a glance. Even with all the new drinks that the shop kept on putting out, Donghyuck never ordered anything different than his usual; light roasted blend, part milk, and two pumps of caramel.
He honestly came to the shop so often that all the baristas knew his order and started on it before it was even his turn at the counter. His daily caffeine fix was boderling turning into an addiction, but if it got him through a day of long classes, then so be it.
“I’m hoping that you didn’t suddenly feel spontaneous this morning and decided to try something different than your usual because that would mean I just wasted some perfectly good coffee!” Wendy laughed loudly as she added the finishing touches to his drink, her voice twinkling against all the blending and grounding of coffee beans.
“I’ll be sure to warn you beforehand if that was the case,” Donghyuck promised, a smile tugging at his lips. “But, no, it’s just the usual for me today.”
“Perfect!” Wendy smiled at him once more before all but she thrusted his drink into his hand. When she noticed him pulling out his wallet to pay, she gave a soft tut, waving a disapproving finger at him. “Uh huh, already been paid for, cutie.”
His shoulders shagged defeatedly. Lips curling into a pout, he argued, “Wendy! I can’t have you paying for my drinks again! This is the third time this week and it’s only Wednesday. I know that there’s no way they’re paying you enough for you to be shouldering my daily caffeine fix like this.”
“Maybe not me, but your boyfriend surely does,” she sang back at him, already moving onto the next order in line. “You two are honestly such couple goals.”
“What?” Donghyuck barely managed to wheeze out, because there was no way in hell he heard that right.
“I’m honestly so jealous of you guys. I want what you guys have!” Wendy complained briefly before launching into the whole ordeal around his mysteriously paid drinks. “Mark came in here before his macroeconomics lecture and paid for your drink when he got his. He’s been doing it for a while now, even on days that you don’t come in.”
“I — ,” he struggled to say something even remotely coherent, because his brain just couldn’t possibly wrap his head around the idea of Mark doing such a thing, especially now that they’ve broken up. It didn’t make any sense, absolutely none at all. They haven’t been together for weeks.
It had to be a mistake, there was no way Mark would want anything to do with him — they were exs, and exs don’t buy each other morning coffees after they break up. Except, apparently it was something that Mark did, because it continued to happen the day thereafter too.
Donghyuck would walk into the coffee shop, only to find that his drink was already paid for again. It continued like that for a month, Mark would come in before him and pay for his drink in advance, never missing a day.
He shot Mark plenty of texts telling him to stop, but it was futile, because Mark didn’t. Mark never responded to them either, always keeping him on read.
In the end, Donghyuck simply learned to accept it and took the free coffee everyday, because after all, he was a broke ass college student, and if something was free, he was not going to turn it down, even if it was coffee paid by his ex. He also didn’t have the heart to tell Wendy that he and Mark broke up either. He allowed all of her cries of “couple goals” and cooing over how cute they were to float over his head, and moved on with his day.
.
Donghyuck looked down, eyes still burning as he watched the way his tears dropped, creating a ripple in the vibrant orange colored soup. One drop, turned into two, until his cheeks were wet with salty tears. Clutching the styrofoam container in his hands, Donghyuck sobbed. Everything that he had been so desperately trying to hold in, he finally let it all out.
He missed Mark so, so much, more than he could have ever imagined.
He didn’t know what overcame him to make such a stupid decision as he did. Mark was everything he could have ever hoped and dreamed for, yet for he threw it all away. Donghyuck threw all of it away for what? For practically nothing, because Jaemin was now happily dating Jeno. So while his roommate was enjoying a night out with his boyfriend, Donghyuck was sitting here, alone, in their apartment, crying his heart out over his Chinese takeout, one that his ex bought for him, and his stats project nowhere near done. If that wasn’t an all time low then Donghyuck wasn’t sure what was.
Casting his stats notes a mournful look, Donghyuck flopped back against the couch, and let out another cry. God , he hated stats. The topic wasn’t particularly hard but putting all of the data into excel sheets and graphs were a huge pain in the ass. As a junior in college, he probably should have learned the ropes on how to use excel properly by now, but Mark had him spoiled when they were still together.
The first time that Mark witnessed his poor attempts at trying to put sets of data into the excel program and failing terribly, Mark laughed at him for a solid ten minutes before he took pity on him. Being the brilliant finance major that Mark was and an equally amazing boyfriend, Mark took it upon himself to set up all of his data for him.
He smiled as the memory came to mind, heart feeling a little warmer and fuller than it did a moment ago. It didn’t last long though because the regret came rushing back just as fast. Ever since the breakup, his feelings have been all over the place and it only got worse with time.
Some days, Donghyuck would blame Mark for the cause of their breakup, which wasn’t true at all. Then on other days, he’ll blame it on himself— like he should. And then on some, he blamed it on the both of them, just two people who really didn’t work out. In the beginning of their breakup, he couldn’t stand the thought of Mark. But these days, it was all that he could even think about. Mark was on his mind from the moment he opened his eyes in the morning and when he closed them at night. The longer they were apart, the more Donghyuck was sure that he wouldn’t be able to find someone that could be better than Mark.
Mark, who had the most gorgeous brown eyes, ones that he could stare into and down in forever. Everywhere he went, with everyone he met, Donghyuck would always search for someone that had a laugh that was as contagious as Mark’s. He never found it. There wasn’t a single soul out there in the universe that laughed the same way that Mark did, loud and open, and in a way that made his heart swell, making him laugh along with him even when the joke wasn’t that funny.
Donghyuck also came to realize that there was no way he could ever unlove Mark. From the day that they first met each other, Mark laughing over one of the ridiculous jokes he sprouted, Donghyuck had given his heart completely to him. His heart would always belong to Mark and no one else— there wasn’t anyone else. And knowing that there was nothing he could do to fix the catastrophe that was their broken relationship, Donghyuck could only pray that Mark could find his happiness in someone else. If Mark was happy then it was worth his broken heart in the end.
For Mark, it was worth it, a thousand times over. For him, always.
.
For someone who was quiet adamant— not really— on trying to get over his ex, Donghyuck did a lot of social media stalking on Mark. To be honest, it wasn’t like his sudden obsession over needing to know what Mark was doing on the regular basis was intentional or anything. It was simply an accident if anything. Plus, he was just curious.
He was just doing his usual browse on the explore page of his Instagram when he happened to scroll past a particular picture of Mark on some random girl’s account. Truthfully, the picture itself didn’t surprise him all that much. Mark was like in a billion clubs and organizations on campus, not to mention he was the star wide receiver on their football team. So, it wasn’t uncommon for Mark to make an appearance on some random account every now and then. He was well-known and liked by everyone. Plus, Mark was too pretty for his own good, he would disagree, but the amount of likes that he received in each post he was featured in was more than enough to back that fact up.
But the thing that stood out the most to Donghyuck when he clicked on the photo to take a closer look was that almost every photo on the girl’s account was filled with pictures of her and Mark— literally every single post featured Mark in it. And with each post was a caption full of hearts, completely ambiguous and it gave Donghyuck a headache.
‘Are they dating?’ Donghyuck thought, gnawing on his bottom lip as the idea passed through his head. From what Johnny told him, Mark wasn’t seeing anyone new, he hadn’t done so for the past couple of months. Donghyuck was happy when he heard that, more than he probably should have been too.
The further that he scrolled through the account, the more photos he saw. There were a bunch of solo candid shots of Mark; Mark studying in the library, Mark laughing with his teammates during practice, Mark stuffing his face with cubes of watermelons. The ones that bothered Donghyuck the most were the photos that had Mark on game night, sweaty and exhausted post game, but still smiling nevertheless for the camera, something that Mark had always done for him at one point in time. In one particular photo, Mark had his arm draped lazily over the girl’s shoulders, who was dressed in the university’s cheer gear, and throwing up a peace sign with his other hand. Similar to the rest of the posts, the caption was also a set of red hearts, seven in total.
Looking at the photo made his heart hurt and Donghyuck could already feel the thickness rise up in his throat as his eyes began to burn. The longer he stared at the post, the harder it was to reign in his racing heartbeat as the jealousy silently thrummed underneath his skin. His thumb moved on before he could even properly clear his head, hitting directly on the instagram story that was just posted not even a minute prior. He really shouldn’t have, knowing full well that it was a very bad idea. There wasn't a single good thing that could have come out from him doing so, but Donghyuck went along with it anyways.
She posted a photo of Mark decked out in his practice gear, munching on a cookie on the sidelines, captioning it with, ‘Caught this cutie red-handed trying to sneak in a snack before practice.’ Similar to what she had always done, even the story had a set of heart emojis in it. With the amount of hearts that the girl liked to put in her post, it was almost rivaling Jaemin.
The jealousy continued to flow through his veins, slowly mixing in with the crippling anger that was rising up within him. Donghyuck was the one that tore their relationship apart, so he honestly had no right to feel the raging emotions he was feeling. Mark deserved a whole lot more than what Donghyuck had given— more than what he could have ever given him.
But there was still a part of him that wished that Mark would remain to be his forever.
He had no right to want that, but he selfishly did. With the way that Mark still continued to pay for his morning coffee and doordashing him meals, Donghyuck held onto the belief that Mark still had feelings for him. Mark who still cared for him— no, Mark who was still in love with him.
Perhaps Mark still wanted to get back together one day.
Donghyuck didn’t want it at first, but the longer they were apart and the more he came to realize how much love Mark had given him, the more he craved for it.
It didn’t seem like it was possible any longer though, if the girl’s constant posts with Mark had to say anything.
Feeling extremely angry and frustrated with no one else than himself, Donghyuck locked his phone and tossed it to the side. He tried to distract himself by counting the plastic glow in the dark stars that he had spontaneously slapped onto the ceiling one night. The more he tried to calm his heart and breathing down though, the exact opposite happened, his anger boiling to an all new high. Knowing that his anger wouldn’t subside unless he let it out, Donghyuck sprung up from his bed and swiped his phone from here it was laying precariously on the edge of his bed. Then marching out of his room, Donghyuck only paused once to snatched up his practice bag, and headed out the door.
.
Ballet was a dance that was meant to showcase one’s grace and fluidity, but it was also a great way to release some pent up anger. It was something that Donghyuck could always count on to help redirect his negative energy elsewhere and to clear his head.
As he sat there in the middle of the practice room with all the lights turned off except for the ones near the front of the room, Donghyuck was already feeling much calmer than he once was. Carefully lacing up his pointes, he sucked in another deep breath, letting the feeling of the silk laces ease his soul. Once he was satisfied with it, he stood up, his hands and arms spread apart to give him some stability. With his blood already pumping and his skin a little sweaty from the sprint that he had done from his apartment to the practice rooms, Donghyuck figured that he was already loose enough to dance.
Shoving his wireless earbuds in, Donghyuck picked a random song that belonged to one of his older recitals and immediately launched himself into the tight choreography. The blood that continued to pulse in his ears began to ring, nearly drowning out the soft swells of the violins. It was only thanks to the choreography being practically ingrained into his muscles that allowed him to not to miss the piqué arabesque as he lifted his leg into the air.
As he watched his own reflection in the mirrors, Donghyuck couldn’t help but grimace at the way his body moved, a half a second behind to the entrance of the cellos’ lower notes and lacking the grace that the dance was known far. Pushing the mistake to the back of his mind, he threw himself into the following step sequence with more vigor, hell bent on doing them perfectly.
At some point, his ears were completely deaf to the music that was coming from his earbuds— not like he needed to hear the music in order to dance anyways. After practicing through the choreography so many times, Donghyuck could hear the music even in pure silence.
Jeté. Arabesque. Coupé. Pas de bourreé.
He placed one step right after another, moving in a flurry— moving with intent. With each step, all the tension that held onto his body so tightly from before seeped away. His movements became more fluid, now holding the proper grace that it should have held since the beginning.
The orchestra crescendoed from a mezzo forte to forte , almost borderline fortissimo with how the violins’ notes on the e string rang out, but the high notes were lovely to Donghyuck’s ears. It was also his queue to jump, a Tour en l’air . Legs already positioned in fifth, his right leg already in front, he used his calf muscles to push himself off the floor. Arms moving swiftly into first, he allowed his body fall into the turn en dehors .
Donghyuck already knew that his landing was going to be off as soon he went into the jump. For the amount of practice he had done and the years of it being constantly drilled into his body, it should have been easy— keyword, should have been easy, that was only if he had done the proper stretching beforehand, which he didn't. It started with a burn in the back of his calf, licking its way up his spine, and it wasn't the good kind either. He barely landed on his foot, it was more so on his ankle, and that was definitely not how it should have been done.
Unable to right himself after the impact of his ankle against the hardwood floors, a pained filled scream that he couldn't even recognize as his own echoed out through the room as he fell. His entire body felt numb as he laid there on the floor. He couldn't even move to take a peek at how badly he had twisted his ankle— or worse, how badly he had broken it. If he was sweating before, then he was drenched now as he laid there biting his lips against the pain that was curling around him underneath the mask of the numbness. He could barely breathe.
Out of all the places that he could have fallen though, Donghyuck figured that landing right next to his gym bag was pretty ideal. He was honestly thankful that he did because there was no way in hell he would have been able to reach it in the state he was in if he had been anywhere further away from it. Grimacing through the sharp pain that erupted from his ankle when moved, Donghyuck tried to ignore it as best as he could as he dug around for his phone. After a couple minutes of searching, he breathed out a sigh of relief as the tips of his fingers came in contact with it.
Pausing the music that was still blaring through the speakers in the room, Donghyuck let out another sigh at the quietness that it brought, allowing him to finally think straight for the first time that night. Head still a little clouded, he swiped through his contacts and called the first person that was on the list of his most recent calls. Pressing his phone to his ear, Donghyuck prayed to whatever high deity up above that the person on the other line would pick up. With each ring though, that hope slowly fell apart, and vanished completely when Jaemin's voicemail tone came up.
'Hey, it's Jaemin. Can't come to the phone right now so — .'
He punched the end button before the whole message could play. Hating no one else other than himself at the moment, Donghyuck took a second to push down the telltale flare of anger rushing through his veins. Then rolling back over onto his back, he dragged his eyes up towards the ceiling, counting all the little dents in the high ceiling, trying his best not to scream out loud in frustration. Taking a deep breath in, then another, Donghyuck tried to think of who else he could possibly call.
It was rather ironic that he had like the phone numbers of a million people in his phone, but at moments like these, when he needed someone the most, he didn't have a lot of options. And then the options that he did have, they weren't answering.
The longer that he stared at his phone screen though, the pain in his leg dulling, Donghyuck caught sight of a certain name in his contact's list. He thumbed at the name softly, not quite hard enough to make the call to go through. No matter how much he wanted to, there was just something holding him back from doing so, for so many months now. But he knew, without a doubt, that if he called them, they would answer in a heartbeat.
His eyes started to burn as he thumbed at the blue emoji that was placed next to their name. Even after everything that had happened, Donghyuck didn't have the heart or strength to take it away. It had been there since the very beginning, courtesy of a drunk encounter at some frat party that he couldn't even remember that much anymore. All that it took for their numbers to be exchanged was a corny joke and a laugh that was way too loud.
Donghyuck smiled fondly at the memory, tears crowding up his vision. And with that hanging around in the back of his mind, he didn't waste another second before he pressed the call button.
Like he had expected, Mark answered the call before the phone even got a chance to ring for a second time. The line connected as a breathless voice asked, 'Donghyuck?'
He had thought about this moment a ridiculous amount of times, spinning scenarios after scenarios of what could happen and how he would respond. Despite all the long hours he had spent fretting over it, none of it had prepared him for the real thing, at all. Donghyuck didn't think that he would ever be prepared to hear his name fall from Mark's lips again after what had transpired. All the feelings that he had been trying to lock away, came rising to the surface again, swirling around him until he choked on it.
Mark hadn't said another word after that, waiting for Donghyuck to say something, but all that filled the line was the sound of Mark's heavy breathing, and a bunch of voices in the background. Upon hearing the screams and hollers, Donghyuck mind ran back to the Instagram post that he saw earlier today, and probably the sole reason that he was even in the situation that he was in currently. Even then, he was still the one at fault anyways.
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he managed to croak out, "Mark..."
There was a sharp intake and that was all that Donghyuck heard before the line clicked.
Heart stuttering in his chest, Donghyuck waited for Mark's voice to come back through, but when it didn't, he pulled his phone away from his ear in a daze. At the sight of his blackened screen, Donghyuck sucked in a deep breath. Then tapping at the screen a couple times, Donghyuck hoped that it would light up again so that he could try to call Mark back. Perhaps it had been an accident for the call to end like that. When the screen of his phone continued to stay dark though, not reacting to any of his taps, Donghyuck realized that his phone ran out of battery.
Just his fucking luck.
That time around, he didn't bother to hold in his scream like did before. He screamed and yelled at nothing in particular, yet at everything all at once. He was so, so upset.
Donghyuck was so fucking upset.
He was upset with the stupid girl that posted all those photos of Mark. He was upset with Jaemin for not picking up the phone when he called. He was upset with his phone, for dying on him like that because he swore that it was full before he arrived at the dance studio. But of everything though, he was upset at himself the most.
Letting his phone fall to the floor with a clatter, not bothering to care that the impact could shatter his screen like his heart was currently, Donghyuck accepted his fate. He was going to be stuck there on the floor, writhing in pain, until some stranger would stumble across him.
.
It could have been only a couple minutes, or perhaps a few hours later when he opened his eyes again. Throat scratched raw from all the crying he had done, Donghyuck dug the back of his hand across his eyes, trying to rub away the tears that haven't dried yet. There were also loud footsteps shuffling outside the door, echoing loud against the tiled floors. Sucking in a shuddering breath, Donghyuck prayed that the person rushing down the hall would miraculously choose the room he was in, because he was kind of getting sick of laying on the floor like that.
The door to the practice room flew wide open as Mark came stumbling through it, gasping for air. His own heart thudded in his chest as he stared back at the wide, brown eyes that he grew to love so much.
Mark's hair was a tousled mess on top of his head, some of the locks curling inwards while others were curled outwards. His cheeks were red and there was a thin layer of sweat glistening on his forehead. It seemed like Mark must have sprinted there from the way his chest was rising and falling so quickly. Still dressed in his practice gear, his bag draped across his right shoulder, Mark gripped at the door tightly, staring at him with parted lips.
Mark looked so beautiful that it hurt.
He caught the way that Mark's eyes lingered on his face for a moment, before it flickered down to his ankles, his breath hitching as he did so. "Oh, fuck, " Mark whispered, falling into the cold, empty space beside him, "Donghyuck..."
Maybe it was because he was so goddamn happy that someone finally found him or maybe it was because it was the first time he got to see Mark, face to face, after so long, Donghyuck began bawling .
"Hey, hey, it's going to be okay." Mark immediately cradled him to his chest, embracing him tightly. "It'll be okay. I got you."
Donghyuck knew that he didn't deserve any of Mark's kindness at all, but he allowed himself to drown it, letting Mark fully coddle him, whispering sweet nothings into his ears as he held him. He had missed the feeling of Mark's arms around him, warm and safe. Mark had always given the best hugs and it was exactly what he needed then. He was so selfish in the way that he clung onto him, but that feeling went away when Mark returned the hug just as intensely.
.
He woke up again to the sound of beeping machines and warm caresses across his face.
Blearily opening his eyes and wincing at the way the hospital's fluorescent lights assaulted him, Donghyuck buried his face back into the shoulder that he was leaning on. At his obvious discomfort, Mark threaded his fingers through his hair and urged him to fall a little deeper into his embrace, trying his best to shield him from the bright lights. It was a little harder than expected though, especially when Mark had his injured ankle propped up across his lap, a pack of ice laying on top of it.
Squeezing his eyes shut once, then opening them again, Donghyuck took a brief look around at their surroundings. The rows and rows of plastic chairs around them were mostly occupied with people that looked just as uncomfortable as he was. There were nurses and doctors rushing from side to side, weaving in and out of traffic.
"We're still waiting?" He croaked, slightly embarrassed by the way his voice sounded.
"Yeah," Mark nodded, fingers still combing through his locks. "Hopefully it shouldn't be that much longer before someone can take a look at you."
As he shifted, removing his head from Mark's shoulders, Donghyuck noticed that there was a puffy coat draped across him. Catching sight of the familiar color, he realized that it was Mark's, one that he was guilty of stealing a lot back when they dated. He swallowed down the bitterness that rose up within him and tried to ignore the prickling feeling behind his eyes. He had surely done enough crying for the day, there was no need for Mark to see him in such a state again either.
"What time is it?" Donghyuck looked around the area, trying to see the time, but there wasn't a single clock in sight. He would have checked his phone, but that was still dead.
"It's like almost two." Mark showed him.
After everything that had been going on, Donghyuck really shouldn't have been that shocked to see that Mark hadn't changed his wallpaper. But that didn't stop him nearly gasping out loud at the sight of his bright, laughing face staring back at him. The picture was taken during one of their spontaneous trips to the beach, one that Mark had indulged him with after a whole week of complaining about how stupid the snow was.
Mark said nothing else as he pocketed his phone, seemingly unbothered by the fact that his wallpaper was a picture of his ex. Instead Mark turned in his seat, making the plastic chair squeak in protest as he caught his eyes. Brown eyes sad, he reached out to brush away the bangs that fell into his eyes. "What happened, Donghyuck?"
Despite trying so hard not to, Donghyuck couldn't help but lean into the warm touch, chasing after it even when Mark started to pull away. Never one to miss a single thing though, Mark noticed it and stopped, moving to fully cradle his face instead. Mark might have been a little dense at times, but whenever it came to him, Mark could read him like an open book.
Cheeks warming, he dropped his gaze as he muttered, "I forgot to stretch..."
A long sigh answered him. "Donghyuck..."
"I know," he sighed too, "it was stupid. I was stupid."
"No, you're not." Mark argued. "Of all things, you're definitely not stupid. Maybe a little idiotic at times, but never stupid. You're way too brilliant ."
His lips tugged up into a tiny smile, one that bloomed under the attention that Mark was showering him with. Mark was always his number one cheerleader, in everything he did, even in choices that were clearly wrong. "I think you're being biased because proper stretching is no brainer for any athlete."
Mark shrugged, "So, what if I'm a little biased? I think I deserve to be when it comes to you."
Donghyuck didn't think that Mark truly knew the full extent of his ability to render him absolutely speechless when he wanted to. Before he even had time to recover from the sudden spike in his heart rate, a nurse popped up in front of them, asking, "Lee Donghyuck?"
.
Thankfully, his ankle was only sprained, not broken like he thought it was. For how long they waited, the doctor had him in and out in a matter of minutes it seemed like. A couple questions were thrown his way before the doctor took one look at his ankle, taped it, and sent him home with a script for some ibuprofen as well as a set of crutches.
Even though the crutches weren't too bad to handle once he got used to them, Mark still continued to hover around him like a mother hen. For every little thing that he did, Mark was not more than a step behind him. It was like there was a magnet floating between them, keeping them attached and reeling them back together if they ever strayed too far apart.
As they reached the door to his shared apartment with Jaemin, Donghyuck half-expected Mark to leave right then. Half of him also hoped that Mark would choose to stay. So when Mark began to dig around in his practice bags for the keys, he could barely keep the stupid, silly smile from tugging at his lips.
"Do you need help getting inside?" Mark asked him, shifting both of their bags on his shoulder.
A protest was on the tip of his tongue, because he hadn't been struggling at all that night so there was no reason that he would need any help in taking one last final step into his apartment. But for some odd reason, Donghyuck swallowed down his answer and nodded.
He didn't miss the tiny smile that took its place on Mark's face as he wrapped a supporting arm around his waist to help him over the threshold.
He absolutely hated it when others would baby him, making it seem like he couldn't handle anything on his own when he definitely could. When it came to things related to Mark though, Donghyuck found that he didn't mind it when Mark babied him. He enjoyed it a lot actually. Everything that Mark did was out of love and not because Mark thought that he couldn't handle himself. He liked it when Mark took care of him.
Mark was never much of an affectionate person, at least not in public anyways, always showing his love in a more subdued manner; buying him morning coffee, sending flowers to the dressing rooms before shows, and doing the dishes when he cooked. Unlike all the grand gestures that he had swooned over when he was younger, it was the little things that Mark did that really made his heart skip a beat.
The hand that Mark had around his hipbone was warm, a reassuring weight. Donghyuck hadn't even realized that he was cold until Mark began to pull away from him after tucking him into his bed, helping him elevate his ankle on a stack of pillows.
Moving faster than his brain could process it, he latched onto Mark's arm and Mark jumped almost instantly upon the contact. He internally winced at the reaction, but the tightness in his chest did lessen a little when Mark relaxed under his touch not more than a second later.
"I'm just going to get some ice for your ankle." Mark told him, gently prying away his fingers.
For every finger that Mark managed to loosen, he gripped on just that much tighter. "No, it's okay. We've been icing it for hours now. Not icing it for a little bit, isn't going to hurt, literally."
"Donghyuck..."
"Please, Mark." His fingers were starting to ache from how tightly he was holding, but he was desperate. He couldn't— wouldn't let Mark slip through his fingers again. He allowed it to happen once and there was no way in hell he was going to let it happen for a second time. "Stay."
Mark stared at him, brown eyes so vibrant and swirling with enough love in them for Donghyuck to choke on it. He just hoped that it was enough to make Mark stay.
An annoying burn was rising up in throat again and Donghyuck wasn't sure if he could keep his tears at bay for any longer. "Please stay," he begged.
The silence that enveloped them was nauseating, laying heavy on his chest. His breath was stuck in his throat and his mind was already spiraling, trying to accept the fact that it was going to be the last time that he was ever going to see Mark. It was funny how much it still hurt so much even though it was something that he already knew was coming. He squeezed his eyes shut because Donghyuck didn't think that he had it in him to watch Mark leave. He knew that there would be nothing left to his heart if he did. But then again, his heart was already shattered to begin with.
Slowly accepting Mark's silence as an answer, Donghyuck began to pull away with a heavy heart.
Mark deserved someone so much better than him anyways.
Except, Mark didn't think so, because he caught his fingers, gripping onto them as if they were his lifeline, not letting it fully slip out of his grasp. Then warm lips were brushing over his temple, whispering softly into his hairline, "For you, always. "
He lifted the corner of the blanket and slipped into the empty space beside Donghyuck, taking extra care to not jostle his ankle too much. His bed wasn't as big or spacious as the one that Mark had, so Mark was practically plastered against his side, lined up from chest to hip to fit. Feeling the comforting weight of Mark's body against his own, the tears that he was trying so hard to keep at bay made itself known. And with the way that Mark moved to press his face into his chest, Donghyuck didn't bother to hold them back anymore.
.
Everything was in pain when he woke up.
The ache in his ankle was beginning to flare up again, flowing freely throughout his entire body. His eyes were swollen, closed shut from all the crying that he had done the night before. God, even his nose hurt, rubbed completely raw.
And he was cold, so cold.
Hand reaching out from under his blankets to search for his personal heater, Donghyuck patted at the space next to him, hoping that he would find it. When his hand touched nothing but cold sheets, he forced his eyes open. He expected Mark to be sleeping soundingly right beside, arms wrapped securely around his body like how he had gone to sleep the night before, but he was met with an empty bed, devoid of Mark.
Immediately sitting straight up, he peered over, looking at the floor. He had a terrible habit of hogging all the blankets and kicking in his sleep, so at times that Mark had to find refuge on the floor. But Mark wasn't there either. Mark wasn't anywhere in the room.
Heart lurching all the way to his throat and his head spinning from how fast he was moving, Donghyuck called out for him, "Mark?" His voice was awful, cracking even on the one syllable that was Mark's name. When he was met with silence, he tried it again, croaking out a little louder that time around. "Mark?"
The quietness of his room was deafening and the blood that was pounding in his ears was doing nothing to ease his equally thundering heart.
Mark said that he would stay— he promised him.
Actually, he didn’t, Donghyuck realized.
Mark had only said that he would, he hadn’t promised it. Donghyuck simply read into it all wrong. He mistook Mark's kind words and soft touches for a promise that he was so desperately wanting to hear. But how could he not? Especially when Mark was still there with him, surrounding him with so much love and warmth, until he fell asleep. Mark who showered him with so many kisses that he lost count. Mark who wiped away all his tears and allowed him to rub all of his snot on his shirt.
Mark was never much of a morning person and one quick glance at the clock told him that it was barely even eight, so if Mark left, he couldn't have left that long ago. Donghyuck didn’t have a single clue at what he was going to do but he knew that he needed to do something. So the most logical thing for him to do at the moment was to get out of bed first. With his head spinning, he shoved his blankets off, trying to untangle himself from them all, which would have been so much easier if he didn't have a sprained ankle.
Just when he got himself loose from the knots and tangles that was his blanket, he misjudged his placement on the bed and promptly fell off the edge, landing himself on the floor, hard . The sharp pain that spiked up from his injured ankle left him winded, tears springing at the corners of his eyes. Hands fisting at the stupid blankets, Donghyuck wanted to rip them to shreds and to burn them so badly. He didn’t have time to be dealing with that right then.
He was seconds away from screaming, when a loud thump came from his kitchen before heavy footsteps began to make its way towards his bedroom door. All the air left his lungs as he watched the door swing open, Mark appearing right behind it, eyes wide and hair a complete mess. "Donghyuck?" And then Mark's eyes only grew wider when he caught sight of him on the floor. "Oh, my god, are you okay? Did you hurt your ankle again?"
Mark was at his side in an instant, fussing all over him, warm touches along his ankles and all over his face.
He choked on the relief that surging through his body, heart slowly becoming not as heavy as it once was anymore. Donghyuck wanted to cry out in joy, knowing that Mark stayed. So sitting there, still tangled up in his blankets and showered with Mark's undivided attention, Donghyuck all but began wailing.
At the sound of his cries, Mark jumped, eyes growing even bigger as he scrambled to wipe away the river of tears falling down his cheeks. "Oh, god, is the pain that bad?" Untangling him from the blankets, Mark directed all of his attention down to his ankle, inspecting it. "Where does it hurt, baby?"
Donghyuck wailed even harder as Mark's choice of endearment fell from his lips. He hadn't heard it in so long and he missed it.
Throwing his arms around Mark's body, holding him close, he begged, "Please don't go."
"Hey, hey," Mark returned the hug just as fiercely, squeezing the both of their bodies together until there's no gaps or space between them. Mark’s words came out in puffs of warm air over his cheeks, almost like a kiss. "I'm right here, baby. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I'm going to stay right here. I'm staying right here with you."
"I'm so sorry!" He blubbered out, voice cracking once more as he buried his face deep into Mark's chest. "I was stupid and I ruined our relationship over... fucking nothing. I ruined everything and you deserve so, so much more. You deserve someone so much better than the pathetic excuse of a lover I was... but I still love you, Mark. I love you so, so much."
"No." Mark pulled him at arm's length and stared down at him hard. There was a fire brewing in his dark eyes when Donghyuck looked into, one that sent his heart in a frenzy, making his heartbeat erratic. "Don't you even dare think about yourself like that. You're also not allowed to talk about yourself like that. If anyone is allowed to do that then it's me. I'm the only one who's allowed to make fun of you and get away with it."
Donghyuck opened his mouth to argue, but Mark wasn’t done yet as he continued on.
"Don't be sorry either, Donghyuck. A relationship is a two way street, so whatever happens it's both of our faults. We’re both in it together. It wasn't just you because it had to be me too. You know, at first, I didn’t understand why you wanted to break up. I was so angry too, because it made absolutely no sense. But then I realized why. I felt too comfortable as the time passed. I didn't give you as much of my love as much as I could have and that was unfair, especially when you loved so greatly. You loved me with your entire heart, with your entire being— with your entire soul. ”
Mark took a breath then, hugging him a little closer, a little tighter, almost as if he was scared that Donghyuck would disappear if he didn’t.
“I knew that you loved being surprised by all those flowers I bought you every day for the first couple months of our relationship. You were always so easy to please. It was the simple things that always brought you the most happiness. I should have done more to show my love for you. I have so many regrets, so many , but the one that I regret the most is that I let you go so easily instead of working through it together."
He let out a shuddering breath as Mark cupped his face within his hands, thumb running underneath his eyes to catch all of the tears that were falling. "And I love you too, Donghyuck." Then Mark leaned in to press a soft kiss against his nose, his lips barely grazing it, but oh was it lovely . "I've loved you way before we even started dating and I still love you now and I'll love you forever. There's no one else in the world that I would give my love to."
"I can't believe I ever thought that I could live without you." Donghyuck stared up at him in awe, heart growing fuller with each passing second. "I really don't deserve you."
Mark hummed, a small smile settling onto his lips. "I think I'll be the judge of that, so don't you fret your pretty little mind over it." He shivered when Mark moved to push his bangs back, his fingers lingering on the spot right behind his ear. "All that you need to do is accept the fact that you're stuck with me until the end of time, because I'm not letting you go again. I'm never leaving you again."
Pouting immediately at his words, heart much lighter than it had been, Donghyuck said, "Then explain to me why you weren't beside me when I woke up."
It started with a little snort, then it became a giggle, before it blew up into a full laugh, one that was his favorite. And Donghyuck couldn't help but laugh along with him because it was contagious hearing Mark like that.
"Well, I was trying to set up breakfast." Mark explained, eyes dancing with mirth.
"You cooked?" Donghyuck's jaw dropped as a million disastrous thoughts made its way through his head. "Please tell me you didn't try to fry an egg? Because you haven't graduated from that level of cooking yet. Is my kitchen still in one piece?"
"No, I didn't burn down the kitchen. Trust me, I haven’t been in the kitchen since the last time you tried to teach me how to fry an egg.” Mark rolled his eyes fondly at him. “I got breakfast delivered."
"You should really get a subscription to doordash at this point," he commented, smiling wide. "Especially with how much you've been using it. Those delivery fees must be draining your bank."
"Totally worth it if it's for you, baby." Mark smiled. "For you, always."