Work Text:
"What House do you think you'll be in?" someone in the compartment asked.
James answered, "Gryffindor," immediately and confidently.
"Probably Slytherin," Sirius said. When James frowned at him, he shrugged. "It's where everyone else in my family's been. I don't see why I'd be any different." He felt different, but Andi had said she went through the same thing when she was eleven and ended up in Slytherin.
Conversation continued, everyone else made their guesses for where they'd be Sorted, and James kept shooting him looks like he was thinking about something. Sirius didn't know what he could be thinking about, so he didn't let it worry him. Not very much, at least.
Not until they get to the Sorting, Sirius goes to Slytherin, and a long while later, James also gets sorted into Slytherin. The long wait and triumphant smile afterwards made Sirius think that he argued his way into the House-- no one spent that long with the Hat to get in the House they hadn't wanted to be in.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sirius hissed when James sat down next to him.
James blinked, affecting innocence. "Sitting at my House table."
"You said you were going to be in Gryffindor."
"Sometimes I'm wrong."
Sirius scoffed. "Sure." He hadn't known James for very long, but he didn't seem like the sort of bloke that was wrong very often. Plus, it was obvious that he was lying.
The thing Sirius didn't understand was why.
"Tell me how this sounds," Sirius said, throwing himself on the chair. James was already sitting in the chair, and it wasn't very big, so mostly he ended up sitting on James's lap. "Sirius Black, auror."
"It sounds like shite. You wouldn't be able to handle someone yelling at you that often. And you're sitting on my book."
Sirius shifted so that James could retrieve his book; it was a much more comfortable seat, now. "Well that was my last idea," he groaned pitifully.
"Sirius, you're embarrassing me," came a voice about a meter to the left.
Sirius turned to face his brother and stuck out his tongue. "This isn't even me trying. Do you want me to try to embarrass you?"
"No," Regulus said immediately, alarmed.
"Then shut it. Or give me another career option to consider."
"Have you considered that you won't need a career?" James asked. "You could sit around at a Black property until there's a ball you need to attend."
"That sounds boring."
"It's boring for you to sit around doing whatever you want?" Regulus asked, his face scrunched in confusion. "That's all you do. It's all you do right now, at least."
"Oh shut it." Sirius turned back to facing James and put an arm around his shoulder just because he knew that it bothered Regulus. "Having no career might sound alright now, but I don't want to be... directionless. I should be going somewhere with my life, right?"
"You're eighteen, you don't have to think about it now."
"You've known what you wanted to do since you were eight," Sirius said flatly.
"Professional Quidditch was a lot easier to figure out than what you're going through."
"Don't say it like that. It makes it sound like I'm sick or summat."
"I wish you were sick," Regulus muttered.
"Shut it, Regulus," James said. "Maybe we should go to the dormitory so we can talk about it in private."
"Sounds good to me," Sirius said, getting to his feet.
"Great cover," Regulus said sarcastically, not looking up from his book. Sirius didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, so he didn’t reply.
James and Sirius made their way over to the dormitories. Once the door was closed, Sirius said, "I swear, he gets weirder every year. Anyways, I know that I could do nothing for a while after I graduate, but I don't want to feel like I'm useless, y'know?"
"Who cares if you are useless?" James asked, sitting down on Sirius's bed and pulling off his shoes. "Being useless isn't the end of the world. Besides, then you could come to all of my games."
"You're going to be on reserve your first year," Sirius said. He didn't bother sitting down yet since he wanted to get changed into his sleep clothes first. He knelt down and started rifling around his trunk for them. "It's not like I'd be going to the games to watch you."
"So? You like Quidditch matches, and then we could go out for dinner afterwards."
"I only like Quidditch matches because you're in them," Sirius said.
"What?"
Sirius glanced up at him, his hands frozen in place from where he was pulling out his clothes. "Did you not know that?"
"But- you talk to me about every aspect of the game. You always have."
"A. I do it because you like it. B. I noticed it while watching and listening to you talk; I don't know it because I went out and read a book on it or summat." He got to his feet and pulled off his robes, then pulled on the loose sweats. "Besides," he said, taking a moment to scratch at his shoulder, "it's not like I play Quidditch or plan on being a commentator, so I don't need to like Quidditch."
James was staring at him, disbelief written all over his face. "I can't believe you don't like Quidditch. It's like my entire life is a lie."
Sirius snorted and pulled on his shirt. He padded over and sat on his bed, cross-legged. One of his knees bumped into James's leg, and he didn't move it away like he would have a couple years ago when he was terrified of being found out. At this point, if James found out that he fancied him, then it was a James problem, not a Sirius problem. "Hey, at least you still like Quidditch. I feel like that's more important."
James groaned and fell back on the duvet. "This is the worst thing you've ever done to me."
"Wow, and Regulus calls me dramatic."
"Regulus has no room to be saying that about anyone," James mumbled through his hands-- which were now covering his face as an extra sign that the world was falling apart around him.
"True, but I'm also not hearing any new career ideas."
"I'm busy moping about what a liar you are."
Sirius snorted, throwing his legs over James's so he couldn't leave-- not that he would, but it was the principle of the matter; if James was going to lay down, he was going to learn that there were consequences. Mostly it was payback though, because with James all laid out and not able to see him, Sirius did a fair amount of staring and daydreaming. If he pretended like it was a joke to keep James like that, then it wouldn't get weird. That was the theory, at least. Sirius made a lot of this up as he went and pretended like it was planned.
"Why are you so preoccupied with finding a career, anyways?" James asked. He moved his hands so that they were tucked under his head, but he stared up at the ceiling instead of looking at Sirius. "I didn't think you wanted to do anything after graduation. Over the summer, you made it sound like you wanted to take a year off and find yourself."
He'd found himself over the summer. Or at least, he'd come to accept who he was over the summer, which amounted to the same thing in his mind. "I guess you're right,” was what he said aloud. He wasn’t about to explain to James that he’d come to terms with fancying the pants off his best mate, and that’s why he’d forgotten about that plan. A plan that, it should be noted, Sirius had mostly dreamed up as a way of leaving and coming back to show James how much better he was than before. “I think that means I should work out a travel plan then, yeah?"
"You're going to travel?"
"That's what the year off is for, isn't it? What good would staying in Britain do me? If I haven't 'found myself' here yet, I doubt it's going to happen."
James propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Sirius, frowning. "You're going to leave?"
"Isn't that what you were just telling me I should do?"
James opened his mouth to respond, but when the door opened and two of their dormmates walked in, he shut his mouth and laid back down.
"Hey, Potter, did you finish your essay for potions?"
"Yeah."
"Can I see it? I haven't finished mine, and it's almost curfew."
James rolled his eyes, more annoyed by the question than Sirius expected for him to be. "Ask Severus."
"So he can give me a lecture? No thanks."
"If I threaten to give you a lecture, will you bugger off?"
He groaned. "C'mon, mate, I promise I won't be obvious about it."
James rolled his eyes again and didn't respond.
"Sirius? Please?"
"I don't feel like getting up," Sirius said, which was true. Also he didn't know where he'd put it. It was definitely finished and in his bag somewhere, but he had no interest in trying to find it.
What was up with James? He'd been fine a minute ago, and he couldn't be that bothered by them not being alone anymore; if he'd really wanted privacy, they would've snuck out.
Sirius wanted to ask him about it, but there's no way he'd answer with other people in the room, and there was no way of suggesting that they leave now without it being suspicious.
Whatever. He'd ask him about it later, if it persisted. If it went away, then there was no point in asking.
James was off the rails, and Sirius didn't use that phrase lightly. And okay, it was very likely that no one else had noticed a damn thing, but James didn't ignore Professor Slughorn to his face. Did they both hate the bloke? Yeah, he was kind of slimy in a way that neither of them could put their finger on. Without knowing why they didn't like him, they'd done the smart thing and been perfectly cordial to his face, and they saved being rude for when he was out of ear shot. James knew better than to look at the man like he was stupid while they were talking.
Sirius knew that he should've intervened, but he was too busy staring in shock to remember how to put words together, much less how to do it gracefully.
Slughorn gave an awkward, forced laugh and walked away.
"What the hell was that?" Sirius hissed.
"What was what?" James asked grumpily.
"You acting like an idiot! You know better than to say rubbish like that to a professor's face." It was one of the many reasons they got away with so much. Slughorn had that extra quality about him, not to mention he was the Head of Slytherin House, but they didn't talk to any professors like that-- except for a few of the Defense professors over the years, since they'd always known that they weren't going to last.
"It's our last year; it's not like it matters."
Sirius stared at him. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Now that you mention it, I am a bit peckish. Let's head down to the Great Hall."
Sirius kept pace with him, wondering the entire time what the hell had just happened. Not only did James know that something was wrong with him, but he knew what it was. And he still refused to tell Sirius about it! That was the sort of shite that Sirius couldn't let slide, so when they reached a corridor that only had abandoned classrooms on it, Sirius pulled James out of the main walkway.
"What are you doing?" James asked.
Sirius didn't answer until they were in a room with the door shut and a silencing charm in place. "What the hell is with you today?"
"Nothing's with me."
"So you're lying to me now? Does that get to go both ways? Because I've just been waiting to do all the shite I know you'll hate, and this gives me a free pass."
James glared at him. "Don't be an arse."
"Don't lie to me," Sirius shot back.
For a moment, it looked like James wasn't going to back down. His jaw was still set, and he was glaring at Sirius like he was considering walking away and leaving them in the middle of an argument. They'd only done that to each other in third year, and by the time fourth year came around, they'd both decided that they hated it. So why the hell would James consider doing it again? It was only for a moment though, and then his expression gave way to something sad and defeated.
"You're leaving," he mumbled, eyes cast downward.
"Er, that's news to me."
James made an aggravated sound. "In the summer. I'll be going to team practises and all that rubbish, and you'll be gone. In bloody- Greece or summat, meeting all these new people and..." He blew out a breath.
"You can't really be afraid I'll replace you with a new best mate; that's stupid."
"That would be stupid," James agreed.
"Then what about that worries you? You're the one that told me I should."
"No, I reminded you that you'd planned on taking a year off. You're the one that interpreted that to mean traveling all over the sodding globe."
"Do you have a vendetta against traveling that I didn't know about?"
"It's not that," James said, rolling his eyes.
"Then what is it?"
"I'm gonna miss you."
"I mean, yeah, I'm going to miss you too, but it's not like I'll be out of contact for the whole year. And we're still getting a flat together, aren't we?"
"I-" James glanced at him, then surged forward, throwing his arms around Sirius's neck and kissing him.
Sirius was a little ashamed to say that he froze. He definitely wanted to kiss him back, but he couldn't get his body to respond. This was something he'd been dreaming about for years, but he couldn't get his body to actually respond, not even to lean into it.
James was trembling when he pulled back. He wouldn't look at Sirius. "You're gonna get out there and meet people. I'm pretty confident that I'm better than everyone else in Britain, but in the world? I just-." He swallowed. "I'll lose my chance with you."
Sirius's body finally responded, and he fisted a hand in James's shirt and pulled him back in. There were a dozen different things he could say, but it was easier to kiss James back-- and actually enjoy it this time.
In the future, Sirius was going to think of this as their first kiss.