Work Text:
Dudley Dursley was a good man. He worked for Grunnings Drill Company just like his dad. He’d married a lovely blonde just like his mom and he had a beautiful daughter. Unlike his parents Dudley did not claim to be perfectly normal. He had a secret. His cousin Harry was a wizard. Not that he had much to do with his cousin. They exchanged Christmas and Birthday cards and kept up with each other’s contact information. Dudley was glad that phones were finally a thing in the wizarding world. It made it much easier to call his cousin up every other Sunday and chat. Harry had attended Dudley’s wedding and Dudley had no doubt he’d be invited whenever Harry got married as well.
Dudley was never so thankful he’d maintained contact with his wizard cousin as the day when his daughter, pouting that her 6 th birthday cake was pink and not orange, blew out the candles and blew the pink right out of the cake as well. Dudley’s mother Petunia went chalk white and covered her mouth in horror. Dudley’s father Vernon turned red and slowly crept into purple. Dudley reacted in a fashion his cousin would have been proud of.
“Hoho! Colour changing icing. What will they come up with next? That was a great trick. As if we’ve get you any colour icing but what you wanted baby girl. Bit of trick with the lights there. Well let’s eat some cake. You know your daddy loves cake.”
“No Daddy. My cake. I get the first piece.”
Dudley chuckled at his forceful little angel and shot a glare over her head at his trembling parents. He gave them a quick shake of the head.
“Well you eat your cake darling. I’m going to see what’s keeping Cousin Harry. He said he might stop by.” Dudley winked at his confused wife, Melissa and shook his head at his parents before heading inside the house with a pat to his daughter’s head.
Once inside he wasted no time dialing Harry up.
“Hello?”
“Harry? It’s Dudley. My daughter just turned her pink cake orange.”
“I…see.”
“Yeah. I guess maybe it skipped a generation or something. Could you come over and help me explain to the missus and my little girl? I, I’m gonna need your help Harry. I want her to grow up better than you did.”
“Well that’s a relief. I thought you were gonna pull an Aunt Marge.”
“Aunt Marge?”
“You know the way she always went on about drowning puppies and such.”
“NO! No. She’s my little girl Harry. I love her more than anything in this world. I want her to have the best of everything. I guess I can see how you’d think that but no I’m, I won’t, I…”
“I know Dud. Let me gather some things up. Pamphlets and such for muggleborns and then I’ll head on over.”
“Thank you Harry.”
“Thanks for growing up to be a decent human being Dud. I know it wasn’t easy.”
Dudley winced but he understood. At school in a psychology class they’d covered child abuse and its effects. He’d been forced to take a long hard look at himself and his family. He swore no child of his would ever go through what Harry did. Speaking of he’d better get back outside before his father blew like a volcano. He really needed to calm down before he had a heart attack.
Dudley spent the next couple of hours sweating trying to keep his parents calm, his confused wife placated all while trying his best to make sure his precious baby had a good birthday. He’d sprung for a puppet show and paid a bit extra for puppets on strings instead of lame hand puppets. He himself and some of the other parents were impressed with the dexterity needed to control the puppets with such precision. He allowed himself to get distracted for a few minutes and was surprised when Harry was suddenly standing next to him.
“Nice puppet show Dud. I wonder how they do that without magic. It’s very impressive.”
Dudley jumped. He whispered, “When’d you get here? How’d you get here?” Dudley swirled around to see if anyone was staring at Harry’s sudden appearance.
“I rode my motorcycle and walked around the house. Breathe Dud. Statue of Secrecy remember? I’m not going to apparate into your living room.”
“Sorry Har. I know. I just. I’m a bit wound up at the moment.” Dudley frowned sadly. “Mum and Dad have been acting funny ever since it happened. I just want Pansy to have a good birthday ya know.”
“I know Dud. No worries. I even brought a gift.” He pulled out a little orange ball of fluff. “It’s a pygmy puff. It’s a miniature of a pet we call a puffstein. It’s a good pet for a little girl. I figured it’d be a good introduction to my world. Orange right?”
“Right.” Dudley stared at the little ball of fluff. He slumped in relief. Harry was a good man. Which as he’d stated wasn’t easy growing up the way they did.
Speaking of the way they’d grown up Vernon was walking up to them with all the bluster of a locomotive and about the same level of steam. Petunia scurried behind with a pinched look on her white face with her eyes staring out at Harry in horror. Before Vernon could utter a word Harry cast two quick, silent and due to their proximity nearly invisible spells that had Vernon becoming silent and a vaguely confused look coming over his face before he wandered off towards the buffet. Petunia stared after him for a moment before looking at Harry’s carefully blank face with fear. She looked to Dudley for support but only saw relief on her son’s face.
“Hello Aunt Petunia. Lovely day for a birthday party isn't it?”
Petunia’s lips pursed like she’d just tasted a lemon before turning and following her husband.
“We’ll deal with them after the party.”
Dudley nodded grimly. “What’d ya do to him anyway?”
“A spell to keep him silent then a spell to confuse him. He’ll walk around in a vague haze until I release him.”
“No offense Harry but that’s fucking scary. That you can just do that.”
“That’s why there're so many laws protecting your kind. Fortunately by being my Uncle Vernon falls through a loophole. Since he knows about magic the assumption is that he should know not to piss me off.”
“That applies to me too.”
“Yup. That’s why Hagrid and the Twins could do those things to you without being too badly punished. Or punished at all rather. You knew about magic so you should have known better. Mr. Weasley is actually the Director of the Department for the Protection of Muggles. Because of what the Twins did he wrote a new law specifically protecting muggle children from the loophole.”
“Oh. Uh. That was nice of him.” Dudley winced remembering his pig tail and Ton Tongue.
Harry nodded. “What’d you tell people when the cake changed colour?”
“Trick of the lights. Acted like it was some new thing. A couple of parents have asked me about it. I told them it was some experimental thing you were working on so people might ask you about it. I told’em I got it from you but that it wasn’t approved for the public yet. If they keep asking I’ll tell’em that funding fell through or something on it.”
“Ya know we actually do have colour changing icing. Some of them even go a step further and will change the colour of your skin for a few hours. We had some at my Godson’s birthday a while back.”
“You don’t think Pansy’s cake will…”
“Probably not. You have to bake a potion into the cake itself to get it to do that.”
“Oh. That actually sounds pretty cool. Did you have dozens of rainbow coloured kids running around the backyard?”
“Yup. Teddy is a metamorph so he can change his skin and hair at will anyway. He loved the fact that everyone else had crazy coloured skin too. I wanted to do something special for him because this’ll be his last birthday with the family before he goes off to Hogwarts.”
“Yeah. What’s the tuition like at that place?”
“It depends on your blood status actually. One of the few things that still does. Purebloods pay a premium while muggleborns pay a lot less. Halfbloods fall in between depending on their situation. I paid a premium because my father was a Pureblood. He had my tuition paid up the day I was born. Pansy’s situation is odd. You’re a muggle but your mum’s a squib. Your aunt and cousin were a witch and wizard. She can’t quite be considered muggleborn because she’s had magic in her family recently but she’s not a Halfblood either. Anyway I wouldn’t worry about it. As her nearest magical relation I become her de facto guardian in the Wizarding World, which means Hogwarts, having automatically written her name down since her first burst of accidental magic, has already filed a request with my account for her tuition. I got a letter right after your call and have already approved the withdrawal.”
“I can’t let you do that Harry! I got money put away for her education.”
“Use it for fun things during the Summer. That’s what Hermione’s parents did. They had a bunch saved up for her education but since she was Muggleborn it ended up being a lot less than they were expecting. So instead they used the money to take off during the Summer and Winter breaks and spend time with her and go places.”
“Still Harry the way you were talking I bet she had to pay the premium. I can’t just let you foot the bill like that.”
“Dud did I ever tell you about my first trip to Diagon Alley? Our first stop was the bank, Gringotts, because we needed money for my supplies. I was so worried and embarrassed because you know I didn’t have any money and Uncle Vernon had made it clear he wasn’t gonna pay for anything. Then Hagrid gave me a key. The key to my Trust Vault. ‘Didn’t think your parents left you nothing did ye?’ He told me. Inside the vault was a mountain of gold coins. I mean I filled up this huge bag and didn’t even make a dent in it. When my Godfather died I was his sole heir. He, in turn, was the sole heir to his family who are Very Old Money even to the Wizarding World the Blacks are regarded as an Ancient and Noble House. Then when I turned seventeen I came into my inheritance. The Potters are another Ancient House and full of Old Money as well. After the war was over Gringotts finally got me in to talk to an account manager and I swear my chin is still bruised from where my jaw hit the floor. I was one of the greatest contributors to rebuilding and after everything was said and done I hadn’t even gone down a digit in my total net worth. I’m not saying this to brag or rub your face in it but Dud, trust me when I said I got her tuition and before you can nay say me her supplies too. I’d rather have my family back than all that money anyway.”
“If you’re that rich why do you even work at all?”
“And be a rich idiot sitting around on my hands all day? Fuck that. Besides spoiling my godson I’m still baffled by what to do with it all. I don’t need much. It mostly just sits there to be honest. It’ll be nice to have another kid to spend money on. I’ll probably go ahead and set her up a trust fund on the way home now that I think of it.”
Dudley winced and for the first time actually looked at his cousin. Tall and thin with the same coke bottle glasses that looked scruffed to hell and back. He wore a beaten up black coat made of alligator skin or some such, a thin green t-shirt and worn out jeans. His boots looked like they’d seen better days and his hair was a mess as usual. Honestly he didn’t look too different from the hoodlum his parents always claimed he was. Harry had grown up in Dudley’s hand me downs and had never really been comfortable in fancy clothes. Of course for Harry fancy started at wearing clothes that fit and hadn’t been worn by someone else. Dudley knew Harry had a uniform at work from the few times they’d had lunch in London. He wore a snazzy grey suit that he looked very sharp in that was probably accompanied by a nice one of those dresses the wizards wore. When on his own time however Harry still wore whatever he had available. He only threw things away when they were too worn and holey to wear at all anymore. Honestly Dudley wasn’t too sure that wasn’t one of his own old shirts Harry was wearing.
It wasn’t. It was an old shirt of his father’s. When Harry had started going through the Marauder’s things he found lots of old clothing as well. The last of Dudley’s clothes were some old jumpers Harry played Quidditch in sometimes. Most of his wardrobe consisted of his father and godfather’s old clothes along with his yearly Weasley sweater and other handmade gifts from friends, like scarves from Hermione and crazy hats from Luna. When he’d finally ran out of underwear he’d spent a very embarrassing day at the mall trying to buy more. Finally a friendly sales associate noticed his discomfort and gave him a catalog he could order from instead.
“So this is the mysterious cousin Harry.” Melissa, Dudley’s pretty blonde wife walked up to them with an uncertain smile.
“Oh yes Missy. This is Harry. Harry I think you met Missy at the wedding.”
“Yeah but you know I ducked out of the reception. Pleased to meet you Missy.”
“It’s Melissa. Only Duddy calls me Missy.”
“I see.” Harry smiled, “Well I’m just Harry. I hear we have a very special birthday girl around here somewhere.”
“Uh yes. Dudley said you would explain…about the cake and things...” Melissa seemed very uncomfortable and worried. She shot a glance at her in-laws. Vernon was dreamily watching the puppet show while Petunia sat next to him very, very still.
“Yeah. After the guests have left I’ll explain everything.”
After the puppet show parents slowly began to collect their children and trickle out of the Dursley’s backyard. Several did in fact stop and ask Harry about the colour changing icing. Harry waved them off saying that it was still in development and in danger of losing its funding if they didn’t get things worked out soon. Most were placated by that but a few with demanding children called Dudley later asking again.
Finally only the family was left. Pansy quickly got her father to take all her presents upstairs so she could properly sort through, place and put away her toys. Apparently she was a very organized child. Harry shot a couple of spells after her without a second thought.
Petunia jumped a bit and Melissa even let out a tiny yelp as the streams of colored light hit her daughter’s back. Dudley looked worried but trusted that Harry wouldn’t harm his daughter. Vernon continued to wander around the living room in a daze.
Seeing their faces Harry quickly explained, “Silencing and monitoring charms. A bit of a different one than the one on him. This one will keep her from hearing anything downstairs and the monitor charm will let me know if she’s coming back downstairs. I know my Uncle Vernon and once I despell him he’s going to be loud and I know from experience that she doesn’t need to hear anything he’s going to say.”
With that Harry released his uncle from his daze. The bull moose of a man turned and charged towards Harry with his hands out in front of him like he wanted to choke him. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAUL-“
Harry calmly shot another spell at him that quickly lifted the large man up off the ground as if a giant was holding him by his ankle. Harry quickly sat him down in a large chair and ropes shot up around him out of nowhere to tie him down to it. Another spell saw his body freeze though his head and mouth still moved. Once he got over his surprise at all this he opened his mouth to let Harry have it with both barrels. “HOW DARE YOU! YOU SCUMBUCKET! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LITTLE GIRL? THIS IS YOUR FAULT I KNOW IT IS. WE NEVER HAD ANY OF THAT UNNATURALNESS IN MY FAMILY. YOU JUST REVERSE WHATEVER IT IS YOU DID RIGHT THIS SECOND OR I’LL FIX YOU BOY JUST YOU SEE IF I WON’T.”
Harry cast another silencing spell. Harry sighed. “I didn’t do anything to Pansy Uncle Vernon. These things just happen sometimes. Like with Mum. It’s nothing I did or didn’t do and there’s no way to reverse it. If you want to blame anyone, blame inbreeding purebloods.”
“What?” Petunia looked at him confused. What did inbreeding have to do with anything?
“People who are magic. Whose families have always been magic sometimes have children with no magic at all. These are called squibs. We think it’s caused by inbreeding. When a squib is born most magical families give them up for adoption in the muggle world because it’s thought to be cruel to raise them in a world where they’ll never be able to do the things the rest of us can.”
Petunia nodded. She understood that perfectly.
“So these squib children marry muggles but they’ve still got some magic in them they just can’t use it.”
“Like me.” Petunia said sadly.
“Yes like you. Even Dudley has some magic but his is even more dormant. Then a couple of generations down the line all that magic finally bursts forth and you have a full witch or wizard that appears to have sprung up from nowhere. We, those with Evans blood that is, are actually from a squib child of the Parkinson’s family. Rose Parkinson? Does that sound familiar Aunt Petunia?”
Petunia looked startled. “Yes, my mother’s mother was a Parkinson and her name was Rose. She’s what started the tradition of naming girl children after flowers.”
“Yeah that must have been a residual memory or something. The Parkinsons name all of their girls after flowers in the magical world too. I went to school with a girl named Pansy who ironically enough has a daughter named Petunia come to think of it. She married a buddy of mine Seamus Finnegan. It was a lovely wedding. Anyway Uncle Vernon are you gonna be nice so I can lift the charms and we can bring Pansy down here to explain things to her or am I sending you home and layering so many protective charms over that child that you’ll never be able to get within 10 feet of her ever again. Nothing and I mean nothing will stop me from ensuring that no child will ever be raised the way I was ever again.”
Vernon glared but nodded.
Harry slowly removed the restrains layer by layer. “Someone knows I’m here and if I don’t return tonight they’ll know exactly who to come looking for so don’t get any funny ideas about knocking me out while my back is turned. You are completely magicless and wouldn’t last more than a few days in wizarding prison. Ya see they only feed you once a month in there too.” Harry added snidely.
Melissa looked between the thin young man and her standoffish in laws in growing horror. “Dudley what exactly is your cousin talking about?”
Dudley sighed before turning to face his lovely wife. “Harry was dropped off on our doorstep when he was a baby. Mum knew he was magic and hated him for it and Dad supported her. Harry was starved and worked like a slave. He lived in the cupboard under the stairs and my friends and I regularly went Harry-hunting to beat him up. I even broke his arm once but Mum and Dad just threw him into his cupboard and ignored him for a couple of weeks. When he came out he was better. It wasn’t until I was in my final years at school that I realized something was wrong with the way they treated Harry. I’d been raised to think it was normal when it wasn’t. Mum and Dad should be in prison for the way they treated him.” Dudley turned to face his parents. “And if I ever catch either of you doing or saying anything to my little girl I will pack us up and move somewhere far far away and you will never be allowed to come near her ever again. So she’s magical? So what? Big freaking deal. She’s still my baby girl and no one but no one is ever gonna hurt my baby.”
“Well said Dud. She’s coming downstairs. Everyone ready?” Harry glanced around. Vernon had remained in his chair and Petunia went to stand behind him. Melissa was still pale with horror and she took a deep breath as she went to meet her daughter at the bottom of the stairs. It was missed by no one how she kept herself between her in laws and the little girl the whole time as she led her to the couch to sit between her and Dudley. Harry remained standing leaning nonchalantly in the doorway.
“Come here Sweetness. Have you met your cousin Harry? He’s your daddy’s cousin and he’s come to tell you something very important.”
Harry stepped forward with a big smile. “Hi there birthday girl! I brought you a present.” Harry pulled the pygmy puff out of his pocket.
“What is that?” Mother and daughter and grandmother asked.
“This is a pygmy puff. Kind of a small version of a magical creature called a puffstein. It’s a pet. A very durable pet.”
“It looks like a weebel from the Powerpuff girls.” Pansy said as she reached out to touch it and the little puff ball lurched forward to nuzzle her finger.
“Uh sure?” Harry was confused.
“It really does.” Melissa noted as she too reached out to pet the little thing. “What does it eat?”
“Can we feed it more than once?” Pansy asked curiously.
“Yeah. I got a care guide with it.” He pulled a pamphlet out of his pocket and handed it to Melissa. “Pansy you know today you blew on your cake and it turned orange?”
“Yeah Daddy said you gave him some colour change icing.”
“Daddy just said that to cover up what really happened. What really happened was that you turned the icing orange. You’re a witch Pansy.”
“Uh I don’t wanna be an ugly old witch.”
Harry laughed, “Witches aren’t old and ugly. You’re a pretty little girl so you’ll be a pretty little witch. It means you’ll be able to do magic like I can.” Harry held up his wand. “With a wand you can do all sorts of magic. Like this.” Vernon winced but the spell harmlessly hit a vase of flowers which turned into a flamingo. It lifted its head and looked around at them with some confusion before another spell turned it back into a vase. Another spell shot at some Barbie dolls in the corner saw them hop to their tiny feet and begin dancing across the floor. After a quick jig they bowed to their audience then trooped back to their basket to lay lifeless again.
“Wow that was so cool.”
“Magic is pretty awesome. When you’re eleven you’ll get a letter dropped off here by owl inviting you to come to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We’ll go get you a wand at a magical shopping market called Diagon Alley along with a whole bunch of books and robes and cauldrons and then you’ll be off to learn magic with all the other little witches and wizards of Great Britain. Hogwarts is a great school.”
“Did you go there?” Pansy asked wide eyed.
“I certainly did. I was a Gryffindor. That’s a house in the school named after one of the founders. There’s Gryffindor for the brave, Ravenclaw for the smart, Slytherin for the cunning and Hufflepuff for the loyal.”
“How do they decide which one you go in?”
Harry smiled and laid his finger beside his nose. “That’s a secret.”
“But you must know if you went there.”
“I do. But it’s a rule that no one can tell the younger ones what to expect. It’s meant to be a secret until you get there.”
“That’s no fun.”
“It is if you’re the older one. You’ll get to do it to the younger ones when you’re older too.”
Pansy pouted and Harry laughed.
There was a knock at the door. “Ah that’s probably my friend. I sent her an owl asking her to come by.”
Melissa quickly got up to answer the door. “Hello?”
“Hello my name is Hermione Granger. Is Harry here?”
“Oh yes. Please come in.”
Melissa retook her seat. She finally remembered herself and offered the two a seat and some tea. Both declined. “I just came over to drop off some reading.”
“You’re really pretty.” Pansy noted watching the good-looking brunette pull a seemingly empty beaded purse out of her pocket.
Hermione blushed, “Why thank you.”
“See I told you witches aren’t old and ugly.” Harry commented with a smirk. Pansy stuck her tongue out at him and Harry laughed. Melissa was amazed that the dangerous, snide young man could put on such a happy face in front of the people who had so abused him. She noticed the pretty witch shot several disgusted glances at her in laws as well. Hermione removed several books from her bag. Another example of magic.
“I also brought Hogwarts: A History. It’s not really necessary reading but it’s my favorite book and I think everyone should read it.”
Harry studiously ignored this comment to study the light fixture.
“I’m a muggleborn myself and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask.”
“We won’t. Thank you.” Dudley said with a fond smile as he watched his little girl eagerly page through the booklets.
“Well we really must be going.” Hermione said as she closed and put away her bag.
“Or we could stay here and answer questions.” Harry interjected, suddenly desperate to stay.
“The pictures move!” Pansy exclaimed.
“Yes wizarding photos do that.” Hermione explained before turning to Harry and latching on to his arm. “Oh no you don’t Harry you’ve missed the awards dinner three years in a row.”
“But Hermione…”
“Don’t you Hermione me Mr. Potter. Last year you had Luna accept in your honor and she gave a three hour dissertation of the discovery of blibbering humdingers.”
“I asked Neville to accept this year.”
“Poor Neville has enough trouble getting up there once and you’re gonna make him do it twice! Shame on you Harry.”
“But Hermione…”
The door closed behind them but you could still hear Harry whining as Hermione drug him away.
“Hey here’s a picture of Cousin Harry!” Pansy pointed to the pamphlet titled “Great Recent Events in Wizarding History” A picture of Harry sloughed in the photo as if embarrassed to be there. Under his picture was a caption.
“Savior of the Wizarding World, Our Hero from the Most Evil He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the Boy-Who-Vanquished, Lord Harry James Potter-Black.” Melissa read off in wonder.