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Taehyun was used to seeing the world in black and white. That’s all he had ever seen. But he was surrounded by people who had already found their soulmates and were able to see colors. Both of his closest friends, Soobin and Yeonjun, were each other's soulmates. They’d met in elementary school and were inseparable since then. They basically grew up in love and that was the only annoying thing Taehyun found about them. Just them being disgustingly in love all the time.
His parents had the happiest marriage in the world. His mother would try to describe to him how it was to see colors but he could never understand that. She would then say that he’ll understand when he finds his soulmate.
The truth was, he didn’t want to. He didn’t understand how he was supposed to fall in love with someone he barely knew. He didn’t believe that meeting his soulmate could change his life forever.
And then he met him.
It was pretty simple. Nothing romantic like in the movies. Taehyun was heading to the store but as he was pushing the doors open, another person wanted to leave. Whether they wanted it or not, they had to look at each other, and everything changed for Taehyun. At least at the perception level.
He had frozen in shock as the world bloomed with colors. The other boy blinked twice before the biggest smile appeared on his face. He is pretty. Taehyun admitted in his thoughts.
“Is it yellow?” he asked, pointing at the hoodie Taehyun was wearing. He looked down at it and couldn’t believe his eyes. It was so bright. And just a minute ago he was seeing it as another shade of grey. The difference was huge.
“It's supposed to be…” Taehyun answered, remembering the time he had bought it. Soobin had told him he looked good in yellow. And Taehyun trusted him because what other option did he have?
“No way it’s how the yellow looks like!” The boy said, giggling. He started looking around amazed by what he was seeing.
“I don’t know, I’ve just started seeing colors,” Taehyun admitted quietly and looked up at him. The boy’s smile softened when he glanced back.
“So you’re my soulmate…” he said and somehow it terrified Taehyun. It was a complete stranger to him. Is it the moment he falls in love? Because except for the fact that he was able to see colors, nothing had changed.
But he was his soulmate after all so he naturally exchanged numbers with him.
And Beomgyu turned out to be… someone Taehyun had imagined otherwise. He was loud, cheerful, and outgoing. Definitely not someone who would bring peace to his life. And Taehyun valued peace the most. He was a person who liked to focus more on work than socializing. Getting to know someone was a slow process for him but not for Beomgyu.
You see, Beomgyu was super excited about meeting his soulmate, unlike Taehyun. He told him once that he was always dreaming about the day he would be able to see colors. He even made a list of things he wanted to experience once he got this skill.
“Would you like to do them with me?” Beomgyu asked him, in the middle of the night when he had called him unexpectedly. Taehyun of course answered the phone because he wasn’t asleep anyway. However, he didn’t quite understand why couldn’t he just text him.
“Yeah sure, why not?” Taehyun said, not paying him much attention as he was looking through his notes a hundredth time before tomorrow’s test. “But it’s not anything extreme, right?”
Muffled laughter came from Taehyun’s phone.
“No, it’s not…” Beomgyu said and after a moment, he added. “Is there anything you wanted to do?”
There was silence for a moment as Taehyun was thinking about it. He closed his notebook and looked at his phone lying on the bedsheet.
“I would like to dye my hair.”
“Oooh…” Beomgyu sounded delighted. “Why is that?”
“My friends dye their hair often. I want to try too.”
“Can your friends see colors?”
“Yeah, since… forever. They have met pretty early.”
“That’s so cute! Tell me more about them.”
Taehyun did and that’s how they’d started meeting more. They were hanging out in all the places visually engaging like a cinema or museum and after a while Taehyun found himself enjoying Beomgyu’s company.
Although it wasn’t Love. Of course, he considered him attractive but there’s a lot of attractive people in the world. What made him, specifically, his soulmate, Taehyun couldn’t acknowledge.
With time it was getting frustrating. Taehyun wondered why on earth would the universe send him a random boy and say to him “Now, here’s your lover”. What was he supposed to feel? He didn’t even know what love is. It was impossible to learn just like that.
“Soobin, can I ask you a question?” Taehyun said when he was sitting in a library with his friend, one day. Soobin nodded, not taking his eyes from his textbook. “How did you know it was love with you and Yeonjun?”
Soobin looked up at him suddenly. His eyes were curious.
“Is it about Beomgyu?” he asked, and Taehyun felt his cheeks heating up.
“No.” he denied but it wasn’t convincing.
“It’s okay,” Soobin assured him with a smile. “Well… I don’t know honestly. We were pretty young back then. But ever since I’ve met him I knew he’s the one. I don’t know if it was love though. Maybe we were still too young for love.”
But Taehyun wasn’t and it worried him.
“What color do you want to dye your hair?” Beomgyu asked when they were standing in an alley with hair products.
“I don't know…” Taehyun answered. His eyes were flickering from side to side not knowing where to hang them. There were so many hair dyes in different colors and he didn’t even know the name of most of them.
“Okay, do you already have your favorite color?” Baomgyu quickly asked another question.
“No” Taehyun answered simply. “Do you?”
“I really like yellow.”
Taehyun remembered he was wearing yellow when they’d met so it was the first color Beomgyu had ever seen. And Taehyun had to admit, it suited his personality too.
“But it’s not a good hair color for you.” Beomgyu continued. “What about red?”
Red was good.
They went to Taehyun’s house and it was the first time Beomgyu had visited him. The dyeing was almost done and when Taehyun finished rinsing his hair he went back to his bedroom, where he had left Beomgyu alone after he had helped him apply hair dye.
Beomgyu was sitting on Taehyun’s bed, facing the bookshelf as he was looking through his collection of albums. He had a lot of music there, which usually amazed people who had been visiting him.
When Taehyun closed the door behind him, Beomgyu turned around and smiled at the sight of his still-wet hair.
“It looks good already!” he said enthusiastically. “Come here.”
Taehyun did just that and sat crossed legs next to him. Beomgyu then ran his fingers through the other's hair and smiled brightly. Taehyun felt weird in his guts when he was looking at his pretty face. He didn’t understand why but he knew one thing - he didn’t like that feeling so he moved slightly away.
“It’s a little darker than the packaging,” he said quickly, feeling a little uneasy.
“I think it’s even better,” Beomgyu answered but there was disappointment in his eyes although he tried to hide it. He turned once again toward the bookshelf.
It was probably the messiest place in Taehyun’s room even if the whole area was rather clean. He just had his own system of arranging things and the albums were postponed with his own notebooks with the music he made. It didn’t look stable at best.
“You listen to a lot of different music.” Beomgyu noticed.
“Yeah, it kind of made up for the lack of colors.”
“Eh?” Beomgyu looked at him curiously. “What do you mean?”
Taehyun didn’t know why he said that. Opening up to him or anyone actually, was the last thing he wanted to do right now. And ever. Yet, it was too late. He started playing with his fingers as it was hard to look at the boy.
“Just... you know, describing music is as impossible as describing colors. So without showing it to someone, they won’t understand.” Taehyun never tried, though. It was just his little revenge on the universe. He would hide his music and only he knew how it sounded like. Just how the universe was hiding colors from him for so many years.
“Oh, I get it,” Beomgyu answered, but Taehyun didn’t think he understood. “So you’re writing music.” The boy continued and stretched his hand to reach one of the notebooks pressed between the albums. Taehyun’s eyes widened at that.
“Wait! It will…” But before he could finish his sentence, Beomgyu pulled out the notebook and after that, an avalanche of paper and albums fell to the floor. “...fall down.”
“I’m so sorry!” Beomgyu exclaimed, falling to his knees immediately, wanting to gather scattered things.
Taehyun frowned agitated and followed him to the ground.
“Don’t touch it,” he said coldly, sounding a little angrier than he intended. Beomgyu froze in place, took his hand back, and clenched his fists on his knees.
“I’m really sorry, I didn’t know it wasn’t stable…”
Taehyun started collecting papers, feeling how tense he got from the annoyance.
“Did you have to touch it in the first place?” he asked, trying not to look in his direction, but he felt as the other shivered beside him.
“I…” Beomgyu muttered, not knowing what to say. Taehyun collected things from the ground and put them back on the shelf but he didn’t relax. He knew he would have to rearrange them later and waste time on that.
“Just…” Taehyun started, his voice low. “Do you have to be so clumsy?”
Beomgyu looked at him with big, frightened eyes.
“And loud…” Taehyun continued before he would think about what he was saying. “... and just so fucking chaotic.”
When he looked up at Beomgyu, his face was pale and eyes wet and Taehyun immediately regretted his words.
“Sorry I’m not what you wanted…” he said quietly, his voice shaking. He wiped his eyes quickly and got up from the ground. “I’ll just go.”
Taehyun let him but he felt like the worst person in the world.
For another few days, he was too scared to reach out to him and Beomgyu didn’t try either, keeping his distance. Nevertheless, Taehyun knew he should apologize. He texted him after a while, but Beomgyu didn’t answer and it worsened the feeling of guilt even more.
He finally decided to call him. Beomgyu didn’t pick up at first but Taehyun was determined enough to try once again.
“Halo?” Beomgyu finally answered but somehow all the courage had left Taehyun’s body. He froze in place as he couldn’t find the right words. “Taehyun?” Beomgyu asked and his voice sounded tired.
Taehyun finally took a deep breath.
“Beomgyu, I’m so sorry.” he started but he gave him no chance to answer as he continued. “I shouldn’t have said that. I was just angry and I wasn't thinking. I know it wasn’t your fault and I’m so so so sorry for making you sad.”
He didn’t know why his voice was trembling and he felt so embarrassed. He hid his face in his hands although Beomgyu couldn’t see him.
There was silence for a long moment and Taehyun looked through his fingers at his phone lying nearby. The call was still going but Beomgyu was silent.
“Please say something…” Taehyun whispered.
“Did you really think that?” Beomgyu said finally, his voice weak.
“What?” Taehyun dropped his hands from his face, not knowing what he was talking about.
“That I’m annoying…”
Beomgyu was hurt and it was Taehyun’s fault. His stomach clenched from stress and guilt.
“No, of course not…” he answered but it was so lame. There was no chance it convinced the other. Taehyun felt a sudden need to bury himself deep into the ground. “There are still two things on the list right? Please don’t be mad at me.”
“You don’t have to do it if you don't want to…”
Taehyun bit his lip. He wanted to hug the boy and tell him how sorry he was. The other side of him wanted to scold himself for having feelings but it was repressed by the sense of shame. He knew that Beomgyu didn’t deserve this. It was all his fault and he felt terrible.
“I do want to spend time with you,” he said, trying to sound convincing because it was true.
Once again Beomgyu went silent for a moment and then he sighed loud enough for Taehyun to hear it.
“Okay, fine. I forgive you,” he said and Taehyun sighed with relief.
Although, Beomgyu looked withdrawn since then.
The last two things from the list were “paint in nature” and “watch the sunset” so they’d decided to do both at once. Taehyun’s job was providing the equipment while Beomgyu was in charge of transport as he was the one with a driving license.
Beomgyu was unusually quiet all the way outside the city and Taehyun tried to rationalize it by the fact that he had to focus on the road. But deep down he was doubtful about that. He wanted to apologize once again and again and again but he knew it wouldn’t change anything. He hoped he didn’t ruin their friendship completely.
They settled at the viewpoint. The sun was still high when they were setting up easels. When Taehyun sat down on the ground, he looked at the white canvas and then at the set of paint he had on his side. He suddenly felt helpless. He had no idea what to do.
He turned his eyes to Beomgyu and saw that the boy was already mixing paint on a pallet. He was playing with colors for a while and when the light around them turned slightly orange he started painting.
But Taehyun wasn’t looking at the sunset. He was staring at the boy whose all attention was focused on the activity he was doing. Beomgyu was calm and although he didn’t know what he was doing, he seemed to enjoy it and Taehyun couldn’t stop looking.
“You’re staring,” Beomgyu said suddenly and Taehyun’s cheeks heated up immediately. He turned his eyes away from him.
“I’m sorry,” he answered quietly.
“It’s okay” Beomgyu didn’t even tear a brush from the canvas.
Taehyun finally started doing… something. He was basically just covering the canvas with one color, not thinking much about it but it didn’t take long when his eyes returned back to his soulmate’s direction.
Beomgyu’s hand then dropped from his painting and he stared ahead at the city skyline with an absent gaze.
“Taehyun…” he started, thoughtful. “Do you think the universe can make a mistake sometimes?”
Taehyun felt a cold shiver run down his body. He messed this up. He was convinced Beomgyu hated him. Hated his soulmate. Taehyun ruined it all and now Beomgyu was regretting meeting him for sure.
“I…” he couldn’t get a word out as his throat felt dry. “Do you think it made a mistake with us?”
His own words made him incredibly sad. But that’s what he wanted right? He didn’t want a soulmate in the first place. So why was he feeling that way?
Beomgyu looked at him and his eyes were frightened.
“No…” he said, shaking his head slowly. “Is it because... You don’t seem to like me… at all and I…”
Taehyun’s heart felt like it was being ripped with every word coming out of Beomgyu’s mouth.
“I just…” the boy continued, stuttering. “I thought that you might think it was a mistake.”
Beomgyu closed his eyes taking a deep breath and Taehyun was sitting there frozen.
“I do like you,” he said finally and then suddenly laid flat on the grass pressing his palms to his eyes. “And that’s the worst!”
Beomgyu stared at him dumbfounded.
“This is because…” Taehyun continued, feeling like everything that was boiling inside him started spilling now. “Everyone was always telling me that my life would change when I met my soulmate. Everyone around me was happy, in love and I felt that they were looking down at me and I just couldn’t understand how one person is able to change my life forever!”
Taehyun swallowed. He felt like in a trance. He couldn’t stop talking although he had never opened up like this before.
“I’m terrible at the feeling. I don’t understand others so I pushed you away because… because I was scared.”
He stopped and there was silence for a moment. Taehyun kept his eyes closed but he opened them to look at Beomgyu who was staring at him with some sort of compassion.
“Scared of what?” he asked when their eyes met and Taehyun felt the heat on his cheeks so he hid his face behind his hands.
“Of change…” he said, embarrassed. “Of love?”
The silence between them was painful but then he heard a murmur as Beomgyu laid beside him.
“I was so excited when I found you.” Beomgyu started quietly and it made Taehyun look at him. He was laying on his back gazing at the sky above them. “Do you know why?”
Taehyun shook his head.
“It’s because I didn't really think it was meant for me. My mom never met her soulmate. My dad left when he found his and I was never welcomed in his new family. I thought that because I'm a mishap, having a soulmate is not destined for me. But I still made a list. I was dreaming about it and now I’m just so genuinely happy I’ve met you.”
Taehyun was looking at him speechless.
“You deserve a much much better soulmate than me,” he whispered.
“No, Taehyun I'm so happy it’s you” Beomgyu turned to his side to look at him. “You, specifically because you’re actually so sweet. And passionate. And so smart and I admire you for that. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else and it’s okay to be unsure of your feelings. We can stay friends as long as you want. Even forever. I’m okay with that as long as you’re happy”
“But what about you? You deserve to be loved.”
“I wouldn’t be happy if I knew your feelings are forced. And who said the relationship between soulmates has to be romantic? If the universe pressures us into a forced relationship, honestly fuck the universe!”
Taehyun laughed but the tears gathered in the corner of his eyes fell on his cheeks. He wiped them quickly.
“Yeah, fuck the universe,” he repeated and both of them burst into a laugh. The dramatic tension between them faded away. Taehyun wasn’t sure who reached for the other’s hand but their fingers intertwined naturally. For a long moment, they were lying there comfortable with each other’s presence, and for the first time, Taehyun felt that he didn't have to hide his feelings anymore. Not from his soulmate.
As months passed Taehyun saw how much he had learned from the friendship between him and Beomgyu. He was opening up slowly not only to him but to other people too. He didn’t need to hide his music anymore. There was nothing to take revenge on so he started sharing his songs with his friends. Then he started a youtube channel. It was small but it was making him happy to get feedback from others.
Beomgyu, at the same time, found out he actually loved painting and was learning more about it. Although their hobbies were different they were looking for sharing them with each other. They were taking small steps getting close but it was okay.
One day they were going to hang out in the park. When Taehyun got there, Beomgyu was already sitting on the grass with a sketchbook and was painting landscapes with watercolors. He was wearing a yellow bucket hat and shirt. He was so focused on his work that he didn’t notice Taehyun approached him. The boy hugged Beomgyu from behind and hooked his jaw on his shoulder and he didn’t mind it, knowing it was Taehyun hugging him.
“It looks great,” he commented. Beomgyu smiled and rested his head against his.
“Thank you,” he said and turned to face him. Then he sent him the warmest smile, intertwining their fingers.
Taehyun thought about how much he admired him. How for the past few months Beomgyu was patiently waiting for him. How he respected all his boundaries. That he never made a step too far, letting Taehyun come out of his shell on his own.
“I think I found my favorite color,” Taehyun announced and the other looked at him curiously.
“What is it?”
“Yellow,” he said.
It was the color Taehyun associated with Beomgyu. It was bright, joyful, and eye-catching. He didn’t know when he started liking this color. Maybe it was a while ago but at that moment, when he was seeing Beomgyu dressed all in yellow, he felt a need to announce it.
“You have a good taste then.” Beomgyu smiled at him and caressed the back of Taehyun’s hand with his thumb.
Taehyun wasn’t sure when he fell in love with Beomgyu either. Maybe that was the day when they went to watch the sunset. Maybe later or even earlier. But one thing was certain - he was in love now. And he knew that was the best time for it.
“Can I…” Taehyun started quietly, suddenly feeling shy. “Can I kiss you?”
Beomgyu’s eyes widened but they were sparkling with happiness.
“I thought you’d never ask,” he admitted and cupped Taehyun’s cheek with his hand but the other was the one who leaned forward and their lips met.
They kept the kiss soft, moving their lips slowly and leaning their bodies closer to each other. They were smiling and giggling between the kisses and Taehyun felt butterflies in his stomach. He thought that he wanted to kiss Beomgyu like that forever.
They eventually parted but hugged tightly, enjoying each other's warmth.
Beomgyu hid his face in the crook of Taehyun’s neck and the other put his hands around him, pressing his cheek to the side of the boy's head.
“Thank you for being so patient,” Taehyun whispered into his ear sweetly.
“Thank you for letting me in,” Beomgyu answered and started showering his skin with light kisses.