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“You sure you want to do this?” Dean asked for the fifth time, his gentle gaze flicking up to where Castiel was fidgeting beside him. They were seated in the Impala, parked in front of a homeless shelter while Cas gathered his courage. Dean had never seen the newly resurrected seraph so nervous, and he dared to think that when Jack had brought him back from the Empty, they had splashed some plain, unadulterated humanity. Not that Cas hadn’t been inhuman before Billie had taken him away, especially not the way he was before the angels fell, but still held that angel complex of being indifferent to human faults, anxiety included.
Actually, Dean takes that back. Castiel had been unfortunately well acquainted to human nature that God himself had resented, ignorance and greed and something of the like but he made it up in only way a dorky angel could. Love, however, was a tricky game that the angel had gotten himself mixed up in, and suffered in the hands of it like every other human on this forsaken earth. Dean glanced at their entwined hands, his thumb running comforting lines over Castiel’s grip. Love was most definitely the trickiest, but flawless and effortless all at once.
“Yes,” Came Castiel’s hesitant response, interrupting Dean’s thoughts.
“Okay,” Dean responded quietly, shyly kissing Castiel’s hand before opening the door and stepping out. Castiel observed the building as he leaned against Baby, his hands in his pockets as he chewed his lip (an unfortunate habit he had picked up from Sam,). Dean joined his side, leaning against the car with him and waiting for the angel to speak.
“I spent millennia on top of millennia praising my father, following his every order to the very last detail and never once questioning it. My father could create armies of angels with the twitch of a pinky and start an ice age with the roll of his eyes and raised the universe without a sweat. Even as a fledgling I never once questioned my father and worshipped the soil he touched. I never imagined-” Castiel looked down, blue eyes shining the rays of the sun and he tentatively looked back up to face Dean “that he would come down to this.” Dean paused, unsure what to say. He didn’t regret putting Chuck away, but he could understand where Castiel was coming from all too well.
“Cas I-”
“Dean it’s alright. I understand,” Castiel interrupted gently, a smile appearing at the corner of his lips. “Shall we?” Dean nodded, his lips falling close as he and Castiel walked inside the building, elbows touching as they entered. Inside the building was a rather bare looking room filled with cots, people on top of people gathered together. People stared as they shuffled through, eyes flickering with distrust as they held their scarce belongings to their chest. Dean felt a pang in his chest, carefully making sure to keep his hands seen. He knew how it felt to be homeless, desperate to keep what little you have from the troubles of the streets.
“We sure he’s here?” Castiel whispered in his ear, obviously a little uncomfortable with all the staring.
“Sam’s sure,” Dean responded, handing a granola bar that was in his pocket to a girl no older than seven, earning a shy smile before she disappeared. Castiel smiled at him sweetly, surveying the crowd. Dean could feel when Castiel spotted him, when his entire body had gone rigid and he made a small noise in the back of his throat. Dean looked up, following to where Castiel’s gaze was pointed at. Chuck sat at the corner, looking pitiful as he huddled in on himself. Dean huffed quietly, hardly flinching at the pathetic display. He would never feel bad about his decision to keep Chuck alive, he deserved all the hardship he forced the rest of humanity to go through. Castiel drew himself up, walking towards Chuck with confidence that Dean knew he didn’t feel, his shoulders rolling as he prepared himself. Dean rushed to catch up, grabbing Castiel’s hand and pulling it so he faced him.
“He doesn’t control you,” Dean said, his gaze flicking over to where Chuck still had yet to notice them, “Nothing he says should change anything about anyone. You are doing amazing and don’t let him get in your head.” Castiel’s battle ready exterior softened, and he nodded gratefully.
“Of course Dean, your right.”
“Damn right,” Dean said with a grin, letting Castiel spin back around, finishing his walk to Chuck. The ex-celestial looked up, flinching at the sight of Dean before focusing on Castiel. His head cocked (Dean briefly thought if Castiel had inherited his adorable habit from Chuck before banishing the thought to be accessed later) and he whispered Castiel’s name. Castiel nodded hesitantly before settling next to his father. Reluctantly, Dean backed up to lean against a wall.
“What are you doing here?” Chuck asked, voice hoarse.
“Checking in on whether or not you survived your first week of humanity,” Castiel replied bluntly, his shoulders falling in a façade of relaxing. Dean knew better.
“Thanks for checking in,” Chuck said, his dry lips cracking to reveal a smile. Dean frowned, his eyes narrowing to search for incoming manipulation. Castiel shrugged, looking down at his feet. The two stayed quiet for a couple tense minutes, carefully avoiding any eye contact. “You were always curious y’know,” Chuck began, garnering the attention of the both men. “When you were young, you were always so curious. Sticking your head in things and asking questions. When you were a fledgling you once got so curious about the angels who were in training that you stopped an entire lesson because you were asking everyone questions,” Chuck said quietly. Despite the situation, Dean’s lips quirked. That sounded like Cas.
“I wouldn’t know,” Castiel responded in a low voice, dangerous, “Considering you had Naomi erase my memories every time I made a mistake or learned something I wasn’t supposed to.” Chuck blinked in surprise, his mouth flopping open and close for a minute as he thought of something to say.
“Well yes, but son-” Castiel shot him a dangerous look when the word tumbled out of Chuck’s mouth “you have to understand I was trying to start an army. Lucifer was rebelling and I had to keep humanity safe. You’d protect Dean, no?” Chuck argued.
“Perhaps, but you never once thought that your decisions should’ve been questioned. Heaven was in ruins before Jack fixed it, and angels had their heads so far up their ass because you were so determined to keep angels and humans separate that when you disappeared, I lost so many of my brothers and sisters because nobody knew what they were doing and were trying to protect their own.” Castiel snapped, rising from his seat.
“Castiel,” Chuck said, his expression darkening, “I made a good choice. Angels and humans were never meant to mix. Like I said before, in every other universe you did your job. In and out and no questions asked. It’s not my fault you decide to fall back for your own selfish desires,” He finished, his nose scrunching as he turned to disregard Castiel.
“I fell back on my desires, and now my remaining brothers and sisters are free. Heaven’s gates are open and it’s flourishing. Your grandson is running the universe and he’s doing more than you ever did,” Castiel paused briefly, “and he’s three and a half.” Chuck coiled up, affronted but before he said anything Dean loudly fixed his flannel, clearing his throat as he watched Chuck, making sure he knew Dean was there for Castiel as back up. Chuck settled back, venomous eyes watching Castiel.
“Years ago you prayed to me Castiel, about whether or not you made the right choice during the war in heaven. You could never trust your decisions then without a superior, what makes you think you can do it now?” Chuck asked. Castiel faltered, seeming unsure of himself once more. Dean had enough.
“Because the decisions he made were never for self gain. Naive, yes. But he also wanted to do the best for everyone else around him,” Dean said, snorting. “Not something we can say about you. Like ever.” Castiel smiled, nodding as he turned to face Chuck.
“It was nice to see you, father but I think I’ll cut this short. I was just merely curious on whether or not you could survive on your creation.” Chuck looked panicked, standing up in a rush with his arms out.
“Wait, you're just going to leave me? Castiel I still raised you. I just need somewhere to stay before I get back on my feet,” Chuck said, raising to his full height to lock eyes with Castiel, who had risen to his feet as well.
“Well then father, I’d do what everyone else does in your position.” Castiel says, his chin tilting up to face his father and his shoulders tightening. “Get to your knees,” His gaze sharpened “And pray.” With that, Castiel turned and walked away, Dean following silently and ignoring Chuck’s splutters. They exited the building and climbed into the Impala in tandem before Dean turned to Castiel.
“That was hot,” Dean said jokingly (but not really), grabbing Castiel’s hand as he continued to chew his lip.
“I’m a terrible person,” Castiel said miserably, shuddering as he looked down at his lap.
“Woah, woah, where did that come from? Babe, you aren’t terrible. It’s Chuck, sweetheart. I know he was you father and whatever but-”
“No,” Castiel interrupted, shaking his head, “he’s not just that. He was the reason I kept going for so long. The solution to my mistakes, I shouldn’t be able to let him go so easily.” Dean shook his head, starting up Baby before driving out of the parking lot. “Where are we going?” Castiel asked, confused.
“Somewhere private,” Dean answered before falling quiet. They drove silently before Dean pulled up to the side of the road, to a random empty parking lot. Dean got out of the car, before walking over to Castiel’s side and opening the door.
“C’mon out,” he implored, shutting the door after the angel when he climbed out. “And c’mere,” he said, grabbing Castiel’s waist and pulling him close. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean in return, letting his head rest under Dean’s chin as they slowly started to rock together in the heat. “I want you to do me a favor,” Dean whispered, placing a kiss into Castiel’s raven hair. Castiel hummed in return, closed his eyes as Dean slipped his hand behind his trench coat and jacket, letting his hand sit on the thin material of his dress shirt.
“You feel the ground under your feet? The wind in your ear? The heat on your skin? Me?” Dean asked, playfully reaching down to grope Castiel’s ass. The angel groaned, slapping the hunter’s shoulder but hardly moving from his position in Dean’s arms. “That’s because you rebelled. You started this, and we couldn’t have done this without you. Chuck wasn’t part of us. Never was. Chuck was always the bad guy, not your solution.” Castiel didn’t say anything, choosing to tighten his grip on the other man, making a wounded noise in the back of his throat. Dean didn’t say anything, nor did he mention the warm drip of tears on his neck.
“You’re free Cas.”