Chapter Text
"Now, are you sure everything will be fine?"
Billy resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It wasn't Pepper's fault that she was used to being the one who had to check every last detail lest something get forgotten. "No offense, but you'd probably know that better than any of us," he pointed out with a faint smile. "I mean, you're the one who knows all about the preparations."
"It's not quite that simple, though." Pepper glanced at their gathered little group. Tommy and Kate were arguing about something by the looks of it, with Noh-Varr looking on in mild bemusement, while Kitty and Teddy were having a somewhat calmer discussion next to all of their bags. "I just can't help but look at this and think of all the different ways it could go terribly, horribly wrong."
"You know, when you put it like that, I'm almost tempted to agree." Billy's lips twitched a bit. "Seriously, though. Yes, I'm sure everything will be fine. Right, everyone?" he lifted his voice at the end, hopefully getting everyone's attention. "Please help me tell Pepper that we'll be just fine."
"I see no reason why we wouldn't be." Which was not quite the same, but it seemed like the closest thing Kate could offer at the moment, and, well, he would take what he could get. "There's food waiting for us, right? I know there is, I heard Tony complain about the guys delivering it just this morning, and from what little I could figure out from the argument was that they had already made the delivery. And even if that wasn't true, we'd just pop right back to get some. I don't know about this lot, but I'm not planning to face the holidays without anything to eat."
"The cabin should be heated by now, too," Teddy added. "At least it is if Tony's remote systems are working, and no, I will not get over the fact that the heating in his so-called little holiday cabin can be activated remotely. If there's a malfunction there, well, we're going to survive a few hours until we get the heat going anyway. No immediate crisis there."
"Please don't make me imagine every one of you frozen solid in the middle of nowhere," Pepper sighed. "It's bad enough trying to get Tony to remember that a t-shirt is not appropriate wear in a New York winter. I swear, I'm pretty sure there are toddlers out there who are more sensible about their clothing than that man." And yet there was a definite fondness in her voice and smile. Really, how did she expect anyone to take her complaints seriously when even she couldn't stop from smiling as he spoke?
Kate waved a hand to indicate their little group, all clad in various forms of puffy winter wear. "Well, we've got our winter gear, so I'm pretty sure we'll be better off than Tony in his t-shirts. And if it turns out it's all not enough after all, I trust Billy can conjure us up some more. Right, Billy?"
"Shouldn't be a problem," he agreed. "It'd take a bit more effort than just changing the appearance of things, but I can definitely handle it. It'd be a nice change from all the death and destruction I have to create all the time." No, he had not actually ever brought death to anyone, with his magic or otherwise. Not to his knowledge, in any case, and that was the furthest he was going to allow himself to worry about such things. Anything beyond his knowledge was also beyond his power, and thus he couldn't blame himself for whatever might have happened in such unexplored fringes of reality. And, yeah, he probably should just stop thinking before he freaked himself out too badly.
"See? So nobody's going to get frozen in any way here." Kate grinned. "And if things do get too bad, maybe Teddy can try to channel some of his more impressive roots and light himself on fire. That'd definitely get us all nice and warm."
Teddy laughed at that, a sweet, clear sound, and Billy was so very thankful that Teddy could think about someone being on fire and laugh. Not because he fancied the idea of a sociopathic husband, no, clearly the implication here was that everyone involved would be just fine, but the fact remained that most of their interactions with Skrulls on fire had ended less than favorably. At the mildest, there were sudden invasions and narrowly escaping death at the hands of shadowy assassins.
At worst, there were charred corpses and ashes scattered in the middle of quiet statues guarding a garden.
Okay, this was definitely a high time he stopped thinking about such things. It was like his mind was actively trying to ruin any semblance of a holiday he might have hoped for.
"Well, I've got to admit, knowing you'll be fed and warm is something of a relief," Pepper sighed. "But that's still not enough to convince me that everything is going to go well."
"Ah. If I may?" Teddy looked almost sheepish. "I know you're worried about us all. And really, that's great. We're thankful for it, we really are, because it's amazing that you'd spend some of your all too precious spare time to worry about us. But, and please don't take this wrong, we actually are adults. Well. Some of us are." It really should not have amused Billy so much that his brief glance at this point was to Tommy, who was affecting indignation at the implication, and not the significantly younger Kitty standing right next to him. "And, yes, I know that's not much of a guarantee, especially in this household. There was that incident with the spiders —"
"I'm still pretty sure Clint was lying about whose fault that was," Kate sighed. "And it probably should worry me a bit more that I believe my dear father would be claiming responsibility for mischief he had no hand in just because otherwise Tony will get the dubious honor of having released a plague of arachnids all through SHIELD's main offices."
"Right. Point being, well, the rest of our daily lives aren't exactly ordinary, either, no matter what happens. Kind of comes with the territory, living in a glorified superhero frathouse and all. We're all somewhat less than normal individuals, and that's bound to come out in some form, which isn't always going to be pretty. But still, we've all managed to stay alive so far. Yes, some of that is thanks to your keeping everyone in line about some of the more worrisome things, and yes, I'm pretty sure Tony would have bled out on at least three different occasions by now if he didn't have you and Steve to force him to get himself checked over after fights, but the point is, this really shouldn't be that worrying a matter."
"What I believe Teddy here is trying to say," Billy said, "is that this isn't part of our everyday lives. And in this case, that happens to be a good thing, given the forms our everyday lives tend to take. You are used to worrying about everyone because usually we are dealing with villains and magical plagues and robot invasions, so now you're trying to turn that worrying to our more mundane pursuits. Except given most of our status as legal adults, we really should be expected to handle the gruesome challenge of spending a week away from home."
"Right." Pepper sighed again. "I know you're right, of course, it's just... well. Like you said, it's difficult to stop worrying all of a sudden."
"If it makes you feel any better, with our usual luck we'll probably have a villain or two crashing in through the windows before our week's up," Tommy said, grinning at Pepper, because Tommy always knew just the thing not to say. "Then you can do your usual worrying thing and fuss over us afterward. Until then, though, we can handle ourselves, promise. We're not exactly a bunch of five-year-olds going on a sleepover."
"Honestly?" Pepper raised her eyebrows. "I would probably be less worried about the sleepover. At least that would be expected to involve more or less constant adult supervision, along with a much lower potential for destruction on part of the participants."
"I can tell you've never actually had to babysit five-year-olds." Billy grinned, though. "You do remember we're not going alone, right? So there will be adult supervision. Well. Adult-er, seeing how we're all very responsible adults with very responsible lives, seriously, I'm even married. I'm pretty sure when I was a kid I thought that was the absolute pinnacle of all adultdom. When you're married, nobody can ever tell you what to do, not even your parents."
"Oh, how utterly mistaken you were." Teddy chuckled, stepping forward to draw Billy into his arms, resting his chin on top of his head. And, yeah, he was not ever going to stop loving that, thanks. "And here you are, having to argue about everything you're going to do with your terrible bore of a husband."
"Indeed. I'm so very unfortunate, I think I can't bear it." He twisted himself around in Teddy's arms to lean up for a quick kiss. Naturally, he ignored Tommy's little gagging sounds. He knew they were exaggerated, anyway.
"Oh, believe me, I haven't forgotten that particular fact." Pepper certainly seemed unaffected by their display. Then, it wasn't like it was anything out of the ordinary. "If May hadn't agreed to come along to keep an eye on you, I'm not sure I would have agreed to let you do this. I certainly wouldn't have let you take along a minor you'd have to be responsible for." She looked at Kitty. "No offense meant. I'm sure you are quite capable of looking after yourself under most circumstances, but anything involving this bunch of misfits is not exactly fitting to go under that label."
"None taken." Kitty chuckled. "Honestly, I'm almost surprised the Professor agreed to let me come along. Not because he doesn't trust everyone here, but because he seems to have developed a certain assumption that these guys have the tendency to get into trouble whenever they stay in one place too long." She gave them a teasing grin. "I have absolutely no idea how he could have come to such a conclusion."
"When are the rest coming, anyway?" Of course Tommy was the one being impatient. "They do know we're supposed to be leaving, right?"
"Calm down, Tommy." Kate sighed. "We told them to be here by noon, and it's still ten to. There's plenty of time for Peter's people to arrive."
"Ten minutes is forever, though. Do you know how long that is? It's enough for me to die of boredom, that's for sure."
"You know, maybe the analogy about little kids on a sleepover wasn't that far off the mark, after all." Pepper gave them one of the fond smiles she usually reserved for Tony, the one that screamed, "You make my life very difficult, and some day I might very well stab you to death with a stiletto heel, but until such a time I choose to hold fond feelings for you because there is no way I could cope otherwise." Pepper had very expressive smiles sometimes. "You've all got your phones, right?"
"Of course. Plenty of chargers to go around, too." Billy nodded, seeing his gesture repeated throughout the group. "And Kate has the panic button Tony built for us. That should work even if there's no coverage, so if there's an emergency we can let you know. And we've agreed on a schedule for a pick-up if we don't get back on time on our own, so you don't have to worry about us somehow managing to forget how many days we've been away or something."
"And, really, if there is an emergency Billy can just pop right back, or one of the speedsters can just make a quick run here," Teddy added. "I mean, you're very good at this worrying thing, but the upshot of often having reason to worry is, we do develop systems to anticipate that. So, you know. We're really trying to do our best to avoid anything terrible managing to happen."
"Now, if only I could be sure you'll remember to make use of all those systems in place." This time her smile was a bit more relaxed, though. "I suppose I'll try and worry a bit less. After all, you're all going to be out of my hair for the next week; it would be rather sad if I ruined such an opportunity by fretting over you all anyway."
"That's the spirit." Billy chuckled. "Well, I suppose I could get started on the portal thing so we'll be ready for everyone to get over by the time May and Peter and Mary Jane get here." And the strange thing was, he actually wasn't worried about managing that, even though he had never personally been to the location. He was going to be doing some fairly sophisticated magic, yet he had more or less full confidence that he was going to succeed, and that was a rather weird feeling, really.
Okay, so he had made sure the people Tony had hired to do a supply drop before their arrival also took along a familiar object he could focus on, but that was just a reasonable precaution. Which, like the panic button and all their other redundancies, would probably not be needed at all but made him feel better simply by existing nevertheless.
And really. They were going to spend a week in the snow, away from villains and fancy society parties and other responsibilities, and then get back in time for Kitty and Mary Jane and Peter to get back to school at the start of the next term. Really, his main worry was probably going to be getting bored with a bit of utterly safe and uneventful life.
What could possibly go wrong?
*
"So." Kitty was the first to speak once they had all passed through the portal, stepping into a rather sizable entrance hall. "This is what Tony calls a cottage, is it?"
"A cabin, actually." Kate took a glance around the place, herself. There were several doors leaving the entrance hall, and several more lining the landing at the top of the stairs. The heating was clearly on, which was good. For all her jokes she hadn't exactly been looking forward to the possibility of being cold for hours until the place got warm. "Which can be somewhat more lavish, I suppose. More of a sliding scale available with a cabin. Steve called it a cottage, but then I'm pretty sure Steve has never actually been here in person."
"I'd think not. Knowing Steve, he wouldn't agree to call this anything less than a manor." Billy snorted, turning back to his portal so he could take it apart now that everyone had passed through. "Though then, it's not like we could settle for much less unless we want to take communal sleeping to its extremes."
"Oh, I'm not complaining, really, just making an observation on the very skewed look your father has on life."
"You're telling me." Billy glanced around as he got the last tendrils of magic reabsorbed or whatever it was he did. "I'm pretty sure the bedrooms are all upstairs. We should probably get settled in before worrying about anything else."
"Dibs on the biggest bed!" Tommy's hand shot up immediately. As everyone turned to look at him, he gave them his best innocent look. "What? We've got three people sharing, of course we should get the biggest one."
Teddy chuckled. "I think for once Tommy has a point," he said with a teasing grin. "So, how about we take a look at the rooms available, and see if we can make do with what we have or whether we'll have to get magic involved."
"Don't get too carried away, now," Billy warned. "A portal somewhere I've never been before is not exactly a simple matter, I'm not going to be doing any major rearrangements just because someone doesn't like the color of the curtains or whatever. Unless it turns out we don't have enough beds or none of them can fit more than one person, I'm not lifting a finger."
"Well, I really don't think a place owned by Tony Stark will have the problem of too narrow beds." Kate grabbed her bag, then made for the stairs. Tommy, of course, chose this moment to sprint right past her, for all that he hadn't been in too much of a hurry to do so earlier. She might have almost been annoyed if she hadn't been so fond of the little idiot. Honestly, Pepper and she should have formed a support group for long-suffering Stark girlfriends or something.
By the time she got to the upstairs landing, the rest trailing behind her, Tommy had already managed to throw open all the doors there, checking out the rooms. "Here, Kate!" Tommy grinned at her from one of the doorways. "I'm officially claiming this room in the name of the fearsome Stark-Barton-Varr union!"
"I'm not entirely sure you can use his name like that." Not that Noh was going to complain either way, he was awfully tolerant of Tommy's little quirks sometimes.
"Don't be silly, of course I can." Tommy at least had the decency to wait for her to get up the stairs before he vanished inside the room again. As she reached the doorway, he was lying on the huge bed that seemed to be the main feature of the room. "See? Totally big enough."
"Assuming you don't decide to steal all the covers again," Kate pointed out, dropping her bag in a corner and proceeding to take off her coat. Tommy had already shed his, not that it surprised her. "You'd think I'd get to keep those for myself, sharing a bed with two guys with heightened metabolism."
"Ah, but if that were the case, we wouldn't have cause to provide you with our own warmth," Noh pointed out as he entered the room after her. "And that would be a loss indeed."
"Noh, sweetie, I know you're trying your best, but you're not going to convince me that Tommy is in fact stealing the covers in his sleep just to give you the opportunity to share body heat with me."
"Perhaps that is not his intention, but that does tend to be the end result." Noh chuckled, setting his bag next to hers. It wasn't until now that Kate spotted Tommy's, slung aside without much care, leaving it half under the bed. Typical. "So, what is the purpose of this expedition? I have to admit I am not too familiar with the concept of a vacation."
"Basically, we're going to kick back and not do anything serious for a week," Tommy replied with a grin, hands folded behind his head as he lay on the bed. "Not that we often do anything serious back in the city, either, but here we shouldn't get alerted to any new villain threats or whatever, so we might actually get the chance to relax a bit."
"Well, don't get too relaxed just yet," Kate said, pulling her hair back into a ponytail as she listened to the sounds from the corridor as everyone else found and picked their rooms. "There's a lot to do before we can actually settle down, and you're going to help."
"Aw, come on," Tommy whined. "What can there be? Tony's people have made sure we've got food and shit, right?"
"Right, but we still need to check and make inventory of what we have, and plan what we're going to eat when. Also, I promised May I'd help her draw up a chore list so we won't drown in dirty dishes and trash. And yes, I expect everyone to do their part."
"Ugh, fine." At least he didn't try to argue; that would have been a rather miserable start to the vacation. "But just so you know, I'm not about to—"
"Hey, guys?" Mary Jane peeked in through the open doorway, interrupting whatever it was Tommy was about to announce he wasn't going to do. "Teddy needs willing accomplices to put up Christmas decorations since his mixed marriage woefully leaves him with a husband who doesn't see what all the fuss is about. You in?"
"I cannot say I have much more understanding of the season, despite everyone's attempts to educate me," Noh admitted. "However, if there are tasks I could assist with, I would be happy to."
"Eh, can't be worse than helping Kate draw up chore charts." And just like that, Tommy was off the bed and at the door. "Just tell me what I need to do later, Katie, love you busy busy bye!" Without further ado, he pushed past Mary Jane and was off.
Kate exchanged amused glances with Noh, then looked at Mary Jane. "Please tell me there is no mistletoe involved," she sighed. "Tommy gets far too amused at the idea of plant-induced kissing."
"I'm not sure, but I can at least limit his access." Mary Jane offered her a faint smile. "You in?"
"Sure, what the hell? It's not like anyone's going to do anything productive until the place is festive enough, anyway." Not that she actually minded. Teddy was the one who adored Christmas decorations the most, but Tommy was far more enthusiastic about any hints of family tradition than he would have liked to admit.
Darcy had once, and only once, made a joke about Tommy not getting hugged enough as a child. Kate had wasted no time in explaining that this was a phrase not to be used in the Tower, ever, mostly because for quite a few of the Avengers, it didn't even begin to cover the issue.
Nobody was saying that now, though, and as she stepped out of the room she saw Tommy and Teddy arguing over a box of Christmas decorations down in the hall. She saw Billy standing in one of the doorways, looking vaguely amused, and shared a slightly exasperated glance with him. This, at least, was familiar ground.
"Happy holidays," she murmured as she started to make her way down the stairs, "and peace on Earth to all and sundry."
What did they need villains for when they had only one set of dainty angel-shaped Christmas lights?
*
"Hi." Someone sat down next to Kitty in front of the TV. Looking up, she found Billy smiling at her, reaching out a steaming cup of hot chocolate. She accepted it with a smile and a nod, curling her hands around the warm mug. "Hope you don't mind the intrusion."
"Not at all. I wasn't really watching anything, anyway." Which was true enough; she'd just been staring at the screen. There wasn't anything good on in any case. "Are you trying to bribe me into anything special?"
"Just thought you'd like some company who isn't going crazy over all this." Billy's fond smile rather clashed with his words. "I thought I'd be able to have a chat with Noh-Varr, but Tommy actually got him into a competition over which one can hang decorations faster. I fear the whole place will look like a Christmas tree threw up here before they're done."
"Ugh." Kitty grimaced, then tucked one feet under herself. It wasn't cold in the room, per se, but the warmth of the mug made everything seem that much cooler in comparison. "And Kate's not even trying to stop them?"
"Apparently she trusts they'll run out of stuff eventually. I think she still greatly underestimates Tony's capability to stock absolutely everything in excess." Billy's lips twitched. "How have you been? It's been a while."
"Which isn't my fault, mind you." She gave him an exaggerated frown. "You're the one who hasn't been around the school for ages."
"Been kind of busy saving the world, you know. Also, not true. I did visit just a couple of days ago, you're the one who wasn't there." Billy blew at his own drink before taking a little sip. "I heard you were visiting your family?"
"Well, yes. My grandma came over, and I never would have heard the end of it if I'd dared be anywhere else." She made a face. "And no, she would not have accepted saving the world as an excuse. I'm lucky they let me come here with everyone else."
"I think I know the type." There was a slight wistful tone to his voice, but then he brightened. "So, the Professor invited us over. Apparently he was determined to have a proper Hanukkah celebration on at least one night, even though he had hardly any idea of it, all to make Erik happy. Frankly, I don't think Erik himself cared much either way, I don't exactly get the feeling he puts much weight on all that anymore, but he seemed happy enough to have all of us there, whatever the excuse."
"And who would be 'all of us' in this case?" Kitty lifted his eyebrows. "I know there are a couple of other Jewish kids at the school, but that's hardly going to be a big crowd."
"Well, no, but we were mostly keeping it in the family, so to speak." Billy chuckled. "Wanda and Ororo actually managed to drag Pietro over, and Teddy and Tommy trailed along with me. It was actually kind of fun, to tell the truth. Erik and I taught Ororo how to light the candles with teeny tiny lightning bolts. You should have seen her face when she succeeded."
"Now I almost wish I'd been there." The hot chocolate was good, nice and warm and sweet. She took a small sip, listening to the sounds from elsewhere in the house. The rec room was more or less decorated already, what little there was in the way of such things; there were garlands and pretty lights, with one lonely menorah standing on the window sill against the snowy landscape. The tree, by common agreement, had been placed in the living room, the tree in question being a huge thing that almost reached the ceiling even in this oversized place Tony Stark apparently refused to call a mansion. Last time she had passed by, Teddy had been flying up near the top of the tree, hanging decorations, though going by the sounds he was now arguing with Peter about something. "So how do you feel about all this?"
"Christmas fuss?" Billy shrugged. "I'm... kind of used to it? I mean, I've been living with Teddy for years now. At first it wasn't quite so overwhelming, though we did do what we could so he wouldn't feel utterly neglected around Christmas, but then he wasn't too enthusiastic about it either. I... well, I think it reminded him of his mother. He told us he was grateful for us going to any trouble on his behalf, and I think he meant it, but he still seemed relieved that we weren't making a huge deal out of it." His lips twitched. "Then the first year we lived in the Tower, he and Steve teamed up and decorated all the living spaces they could get to. I still don't know how they got the Santa hats to stick on top of Tony's bots. I think it's something to do with Steve's childhood, I mean, he probably didn't have much of anything special around Christmas, growing up. Tony thinks it's all a bit silly, but then he's rarely able to tell Steve no about things like that. And Teddy, well, I think after years of living in a Jewish household there was a lot of pent-up Christmas spirit trying to get out, or something."
"It's good to know even Tony Stark has his weaknesses, I suppose." Kitty grinned. "So is it still as bad?"
"Not quite? I mean, he still insisted on decorating our place, even though we knew a while ago we wouldn't be spending the holidays there, but then we also put a menorah up and such. And, well, that's good, isn't it? We've got different backgrounds, so now that we have our own place, it makes more sense to make room for both of our traditions than to have neither of them."
"So the tree he's currently yelling about is the second one he's gotten to decorate this year?"
"Third, actually. There's the one at our house, and he helped with the one at the Tower. And that's not counting the tiny one in Tony's lab that makes Tony huff and puff and swear he's going to throw it out right this minute, even though he has been swearing the same for two weeks now." Billy shook his head. "I'm still debating on whether I should point this out to Peter and Mary Jane. They might appreciate the leverage in whatever argument they're having over there, but, well, I'm married to the man. I'm pretty sure that means I'm supposed to stick by his side, even when he's being silly."
"Don't think I remember that being part of your vows." Not that she'd listened that closely; she'd been quite busy trying to dry her eyes. Shut up, it was all nice and romantic, okay? "Your half of them, anyway. I mean, for all we know Teddy could have promised to cut you up and throw you on the barbecue and we wouldn't know anything but what Noh-Varr told us."
"I'm pretty sure Tommy would have picked up on something being weird, even though his Kree skills are pretty basic." There was a crash from somewhere, and Billy winced. "Why do I think that was Tommy?"
There was a second, then two, and then Kitty caught Kate's voice, the words unclear but the yelling unmistakable. "Well, one of the speeders, at least."
"I think you're right about that." Billy sighed. "I just hope it's nothing too big and expensive. I mean, not like we can't afford to replace it, but Teddy will frown about it, and repair spells give me a headache."
"You know, I can literally walk through walls, but the stuff you say still sometimes makes me think my life has gotten really weird." But he got her hot chocolate and talked with her about how weird the rest were being, so that was just fine.
"Deal with it. You're the one who chose to get involved with us lot."
"So not true. You're the ones who came to my rescue back then. Really, you should be ashamed for meddling in my affairs." Why, yes, she was still infinitely grateful to them for showing up in what had been the absolute worst moment of her life. It was just a sign of how far she'd come since then that she could now actually tease him about it.
"You're right, of course. That still doesn't change the fact I happen to know you've been meeting with my husband behind my back." Good thing Billy's smile was equally teasing, or she might have gotten worried.
"And that was not my idea, either. Well, not entirely. Actually, Tommy suggested it."
"Oh?" Billy blinked. "Should I ask why?"
"It... well. It's got to do with, well, what happened." She winced. "I... never had trouble taking others through walls, before that. Well, not ever since I first learned how to do that. But after the attack, I just... couldn't. I was terrified I'd let go by accident and..." And whoever she had been taking through would get stuck. Just like that one man.
Billy nodded, slowly. "Would this have to do with Tommy's own phasing ability?"
"Kind of? He actually convinced me to practice on him. Since, according to him, if it even seemed like I was about to let go, he was fast enough to phase himself before any harm was done. And then, once I could more or less handle that, he told me to try on Teddy." And she probably shouldn't be talking about all this, not unless she wanted an angry witch going after her.
"Because Teddy probably wouldn't be too badly hurt even if he materialized in the middle of a wall." Thankfully, Billy just nodded, as though he had been expecting just that. "That makes sense, actually."
"So, yeah. Though I refused to do it through actual walls. But we found this partition at the school that came up to his waist, so we tried it there. I figured there wasn't much of a risk as long as I could be sure none of his vital parts could possibly be affected."
"You know, I know I probably should be all terrified about this and thinking about how stupid and risky all that is, but honestly? All I'm thinking of is making some kind of a tasteless joke about how there are plenty of parts below Teddy's waistline that I'd prefer to keep intact."
That actually startled a laugh out of Kitty, though right after she had to fight down a tiny flush. "I think we'd both be better off if we don't get into that."
"Oh, don't look like that." Billy was grinning, now, a look that reminded her that, yes, he actually was related to Tommy. Or possibly Tony. Not that she had much experience about dealing with the oldest Stark, but he did have a reputation. "I'm a married man, you know. I'm practically obligated to say some embarrassing things every now and then, long as I don't get too graphic. Wouldn't want to scar you for life or anything, after all."
Kitty was still trying to figure out just what she should say to that, her brain stuck between embarrassed and snarky, when something small and green came rushing towards them, colliding with Billy's knees. He just about managed to steady what was left of his drink, then looked down. "Legolas. What's the rush?"
"Billy!" The little alien looked up at him, beady eyes sparkling, then turned around and shouted to someone else. "Found Billy!"
"You know, that thing is just too cute for words." Mary Jane entered the room, chuckling and patting Legolas on the head when she got close enough. "I asked him if he knew where you were, and he ran off, just like that."
"Yeah, I think Tommy's taught him some bad habits." Billy smiled. "Did you have a reason for looking for me?"
"Actually, May sent me. She was just taking inventory of the kitchen and asked me to find you. And Kitty, actually, so apparently I'm getting this done very easily."
"Oh?" Billy blinked. "Did she want us to help or something?"
"Nah, she was just wondering what the two of you would like to eat tomorrow." Legolas held up his arms, and Mary Jane picked him up. Not that Kitty could blame her, the thing was absolutely adorable. "You know, since she'll be doing a pretty traditional Christmas dinner, and wondered if there was anything you'd prefer instead."
"Really?" Billy glanced at Kitty. "Honestly, I was thinking of popping back to New York and getting some Chinese take-out. That's as close to traditional as I'm going to get." Kitty nodded her agreement. Yeah, that sounded pretty good to her, too.
Mary Jane made a face. "If you think you can do that, you really don't know the first thing about May," she said, then gave an exaggerated sigh. "Well, I'll pass on the word, but be prepared for protests soon enough. If anything, she'll want to make some Chinese for you. If she offers, take her up on it, by the way. She's amazing at it."
"Uh, duly noted?" Billy scratched the back of his head. "She does realize that we actually don't consider tomorrow a special day or anything, right? I mean, obviously it's special to most of you, but we're not going to be traumatized even if we're eating take-out. I meant it when I said it's kind of a tradition for me."
"Maybe, but she considers it a matter of principle. There's going to be a nice, homemade dinner tomorrow for everyone, even if she has to lock us all up in the kitchen as slave labor to manage it. That, and I think she's happy to be cooking Christmas dinner for more than two for a change." Mary Jane's smile faltered for a moment, then returned. "So don't think you're getting away without a fight."
"Well, I'm volunteering on helping in the kitchen tomorrow, if she doesn't mind showing me what to do," Kitty said. "And really, I'll eat what's put in front of me."
"I'd offer to help, too, but Teddy's made it clear I actually create more work than I help if things get complicated, so unless there's something really simple to do I'll just be moral support or something? May could just ask him, you know, I know he's already planning on helping with the cooking and he knows what I like to eat." Then, just as it seemed like they were going to have a normal conversation, Billy added with a perfectly straight face, "Besides him, of course."
"You know, I think you're getting a bit too bored, Stark," Mary Jane said, though there was a hint of a blush on her cheeks. "I should probably find something for you to do."
"I could hang up mistletoe?" Billy grinned. "And I can't help it. Usually I let Tommy say all the worst stuff, but he's busy wrecking the place, so obviously I have to do my part."
"Maybe you should just send Teddy over," Kitty suggested. "I mean, obviously then they'll get all sappy, but at least then they'll keep the worst of the snark between themselves."
"Can't. He's acting look-out right now. Noh-Varr was hanging lights up on the wall and Peter decided to help him, so Teddy's keeping an eye out for May."
"Ah, the joys of secret identities." Billy sighed, then saluted with his cup. "The one thing I really don't miss from back when we were all young and innocent."
"I highly doubt you were ever anything that could be described as innocent, o spawn of Stark." Mary Jane smiled, though. "I would hate you, except you occasionally pull my idiot boyfriend's ass out of the trouble he gets himself into, so it's in my best interests to stay on your good side."
"I would just like to state for the record that I have not ever done anything inappropriate regarding your boyfriend's ass. Just so you know."
Kitty leaned her head on the back of the couch and wondered just how this had become her life, sitting in a mini-mansion in the middle of nowhere and listening to Billy Stark and Spider-Man's girlfriend making slightly inappropriate jokes at each other as the last day of Hanukkah started edging away towards Christmas.
Clearly, she had been a very good girl indeed.