Chapter Text
„The difference is, they love me back“ Gosh! Why must he be so fucking handsome when he looks at her like this.
Then it all went black.
The next thing Lila remembered was lying on the ground, her hands clutched on one of the briefcases. From the corner of her eye she saw Diego holding back Luther who went for her.
***
Early in the morning, I still get a little bit nervous
Fightin' my anxiety constantly, I try to control it
***
Lila didn’t think of a place she wanted to go, just far, far away. There she was. The ocean. She closed her eyes and just listened to the breaking waves deep down below her feet. She didn’t care that it was stormy and that the rain was pouring down on her. She looked up towards the sky and let the raindrops mix with her tears. What the fuck just happened those last days? A week ago, she had a job, a meaning to life and a family. Well, it had just been her mother and her, but still, one could call it family. The Handler had been her family for as long as she was able to remember. Now there was nothing. The last 26 years had been a great bullshit lie! She was never loved by this woman. Lila had always been a mission to her, the only thing that mattered was forming her into the most effective weapon to achieve her goals. But it’s all over. Now she’s gone. Maybe for real this time, but who knows for sure? She did come back from the dead several times. Lila took a deep breath and tried to calm down. For the first time she looked around, away from the sea. She was standing on a cliff, a small cabin just behind her. Since it was still raining, she decided to take a closer look.
It was quite cozy from the inside. One room with a bed, a fireplace with a big couch in front of it and a lot of dust. There hadn’t been any visitors for a long time. It was perfect for Lila. Maybe she did think of something while opening that briefcase she was still holding in her hand. All she wanted was a quiet and peaceful place to make up her mind and decide what to do next. First of all, she lit a fire. During her time in the Commission she developed a lot of skills which came in handy a few times so far. She sat down on the couch, looked into the flames and let the fire leave a light tingle on her skin. Lila started to get lost in her thoughts.
***
Don't know if you get it 'cause I can't express how thankful I am
That you were always with me when it hurts, I know that you'd understand
***
“Dad.” Lila saw Diego and Five getting closer to the blurred image of the figure, holding an open black umbrella on a perfect sunny day, both looking confused at one another. Who are they talking about? Is this really their Dad? What the hell did she just watch? Sure, she knew that JFK will be murdered in a few days… Diego never stopped talking about him stopping this assassination, but she had no idea that it was related to her mission. Actually, she was improvising a whole lot right now. Her mom gave her the job to gain Diego Hargreeves’ trust in the Asylum to find out why the siblings are in Dallas all across the Sixties and – if possible – get close to Number Five. Part one of this plan worked. She was pretty sure Diego trusted her. Why else would he demand taking her with him? It felt good when he told Five he would “bring the crazy lady” or otherwise he wouldn’t join him. And when he looked at her like this… with this gorgeous smile that also reached his eyes… But no. She couldn’t fall for him. This was definitely not part of the plan.
Right now, Lila had another problem. She was sure she knew the guy Five and Diego kept staring at. She remembered seeing him, or at least somebody who looked a lot like him. It took place only a few days before her parents had been killed by the mysterious man in the black suite. All Lila was able to recall was that the man had an umbrella with him and wore a Monocle when he approached the Gill’s door in London. All she remembered after that was that her mom cried a lot that evening, even while pulling Lila in a tight hug when she put her to bed that night.
A cold shiver ran down her spine. What if he was the one who set up the man in the suite to kill her parents? What if The Handler came to know what he was up to and saved Lila from him? This guy was Diego’s Dad? Did he know she had powers? Did Diego know? Was this why he wanted to keep Lila around? Keeping an eye on her?
Her head began to spin. She needed to get out of here and go to a place to be alone. she looked around tensely. Where to go? Out of the corner of her eye, Lila saw a red light on the floor. She headed towards that light and found herself in a darkroom closet. It would serve her needs – for the time being. She closed the door without making any noise and crawled up on a shelf. Hiding and running away from her problems always worked just fine for her. Her mom knew that and never came looking for her. She respected that Lila needed her personal space. She missed her. Those last few weeks had been the longest time they hadn’t spoken to each other. Lila would love to tell her how well she was doing on her job and see how proud she would be of her, just like any other mom. Except her mom put her on this job herself, a job that nearly got Lila killed. But there was always that risk while working for the Commission, wasn’t it? Lila tried to hold her tears in. No, she wouldn’t start to cry. It was hard because this was her usual behavior while hiding somewhere. She quickly rubbed her eyes dry when she heard somebody approaching her hiding place.
Of course, it was Diego who came looking out for her. She didn’t want to meet his eyes, didn’t want him to see her cry like this. Lila knew she was being unfair to him, being so rude all the time, but she was still on a job. And once again: she could never fall for him! Her mom would be so disappointed in her. And if she gets disappointed too often, maybe she would leave her as well, just like her parents did all those years ago. Sure, her parents had been murdered, but that tiny voice inside of her kept telling her that it was her fault as well. What if she’d just behaved better? What if she’d have listened more closely to what she was told? Could they still be alive? Would there be a small chance for Lila not getting abandoned?
When Diego told her he and Five where about to leave, she couldn’t help but say the first words that came to mind. She didn’t want him to leave her as well. But as soon as the words escaped her mouth, she knew she had to lie to him again, make up a cover story. He still needed to believe she had been put away because she was crazy. But holy crap! Why did he have to be so goddamn understanding? His file never said anything like this. He had been described as reckless, daring and selfish. Always doing what he wanted, no matter the cost. But this wasn’t the Diego she got to know in the last few weeks. And it definitely wasn’t the Diego he was showing her in the red closet light. Even when she came up with her ridiculous Yoghurt story (The one she made her mother crazy with when she was a child), he just sat by her side and tried to comfort her. Even if he was thinking she was crazy, he didn’t show it one bit. How could one just not like him? She hated it when she lost control like this. But the one thing she hated even more than that was being touched by somebody without giving permission first. Everything was just so different with Diego. She didn’t mind him wiping her tears away. She actually enjoyed it. Even if she would allow herself to feel something for this guy… he would always be too good for her. Lila was pretty sure about that.
***
I don't wanna lose control
Nothing I can do anymore
Tryin' every day when I hold my breath
Spinnin' out in space pressing on my chest
I don't wanna lose control
***
Lila got up to stretch her legs and to find something to eat. She was starving. She saw lights from a nearby town when she first approached to the cabin. To be honest, she didn’t have the slightest idea where she was. But going there might help solve that particular question. Lila didn’t feel like walking there through the rain, so she simply took advantage of the powers she adapted while spending some more time with the Hargreeves siblings. She didn’t need to think of the place she wanted to blink herself into anymore, the rough direction was enough. A few moments later she found herself standing on a cobbled street, surrounded by old brick houses. It would have been far nicer without the rain, she thought to herself, but you can’t always get what you want. Since it was still raining, she quickly approached the nearest shop. Luckily for her, it was small grocery store. Entering the store, she nearly slipped due to the wet floor and bumped right into an old woman.
“Watch your steps, Lass. Dreich weather, isn’t it?” She gave her a bright smile and Lila couldn’t help but notice a strong Scottish accent.
“Thanks.” She replied. Scotland it is then. One of the countries she always wanted to travel to.
“Oh, a Sassenach. What brings you here?” Lila knew being addressed like that was meant as an insult due to her strong British accent, but she didn’t take it personally. The Handler always wanted her to get rid of her accent, but as long as Lila remembers, she would refuse to do so.
“Vacation I guess… clearing my mind.”
“Ahhh! We do know that kind of Vacation, don’t we, Molly?” The old lady winked at the woman standing behind the counter.
“I’m sure we do, Gwen, I’m sure we do. What are you looking for, Dear? You see, we’re about to close and my Henry is waiting at home to get his supper.” Lila felt a little sting in her chest. She would love to be able to say the same thing Molly did in the future. But she wasn’t sure if she would make a great housewife… but you never know.
“Uhmm… I’ll just take something to eat, I guess. I’m starving.” She grabbed some bread, cheese and a few apples. Her gaze caught sight of a bag of marshmallows. Immediately, she could smell them roasting over the fire in the cabin and just couldn’t refuse taking them as well. She put her purchases on the counter in front of Gwen.
“Make sure you’ll get this whisky as well, it’s Henry’s own blend. You have to try it!” Molly winked again. She really liked doing this, Lila thought. Suddenly, she realized that she only had some ‘63 Dollars in her pocket.
“Do you take US Dollars? I’m sorry, I just got here and didn’t have time to get some change.” She felt embarrassed. The two ladies are so nice, and she wanted to pay them properly.
“It’s okay, Lass. You look like you’ve had a rough time. I’ll be happy if you take this.” Molly put her stuff in a big brown bag and handed it to Lila, who was totally taken by surprise.
“And you’ll need that Umbrella as well. The rain won’t stop anytime soon.” Gwen put her big, black umbrella into Lila’s hands. “And take care of yourself.” She gave Lila another big smile.
“Thank you so much. You too.” Lila squeezed her hands and vanished out of the shop.
“Funny girl, don’t you think, Molly?”
“Sure, Gwen, sure.”
***
I don't wanna lose control
Nothing I can do anymore
Tryin' every day when I hold my breath
Spinnin' out in space pressing on my chest
I don't wanna lose control
***
“Fuck, Diego! No! Please don’t be dead.” He wasn’t. Lila checked his pulse und was really relieved when she noticed that he was still breathing. But he was also bleeding a lot. She prayed his father missed his spleen where he’d stabbed him. She ripped of a part of his shirt and pushed it hard against his wound. Diego let out a painful moan but didn’t open his eyes.
“Diego, you have to wake up. We need to get out of here.” She slapped him in the face. His eyes flickered but he didn’t regain consciousness. “Damn it.” He was too heavy for her to carry into the car. She needed to use her powers – well, Five’s powers, to be exact. She put both hands on Diego. Lila hoped the few times she had been near Five when he used his power had been enough to adapt it. She pictured the car outside and concentrated on getting herself and Diego there. A familiar blue light appeared around them. And then they were outside. The car standing right next to them. She didn’t have time to be pleased with herself since Diego was still bleeding from his abdominal wound. She put him inside the car as fast as she could and rushed back to Elliott’s. She blinked them right onto the couch. This is when Diego lost his clothes. He’d probably ask about that later. Lila was too tired from concentrating on both her and Diego, and her strength simply wasn’t enough to take his clothes along with him. For one second she allowed herself to think whether this ever happened to Five and he blinked himself pantless into some mission. Diego’s breath quickened and he was getting paler by the minute. This quickly brought her back to reality. She needed to do something about this before he bled to death. Elliott wasn’t a big help. He fell asleep on the chair that she’d left him tied up to when she left to go after Diego and Five.
Lila glanced around. She needed something to cauterize his stomach wound and found a soldering iron. That would do. Along with a few bandages from the first aid kit she found in the bathroom, Lila sat herself down between his legs and started to work. During her training for the Commission, she had learned the basics of treating wounds in an emergency. Good for Diego. The wound wasn’t that deep and quite easy to tend to. Lila was nearly done when Diego first regained consciousness. Shit she hoped to be finished by the time he would come around again. She didn’t have any painkillers to offer him. Please don’t let it be too bad for him His painful scream proved her wrong.
Diego panted heavily and scanned his surroundings. This wasn’t the storage hall he had his fight with dad in. And that person sitting on his lap definitely wasn’t dad either.
“Don’t move!” Diego assigned that voice to Lila. How did he get back into Elliott’s apartment then? Where the hell were his clothes? And why on earth would Lila come after him and save his life? he had so many questions spinning around in his head.
Lila knew that it would be better for Diego to be unconscious once again and pressed the
soldering iron deeper into his body than it had been necessary. It worked. Diego let out another loud scream and passed out.
“That’s better!” Just a little bit longer and she was done. She really needed to rest. Doing those jumps like Five is extremely exhausting. Oh yeah, Five. Of course, now he shows up after she did all the work. And again, he started arguing with her. Lila really wasn’t in a mood for something like that and just snapped some sarcastic comment at him about being unable to shave himself. She actually didn’t even care about his answer. All she wanted to do was finish fixing Diego up and get herself some sleep.
***
I don't wanna lose control
There's nothing I can do anymore
***
After she blinked herself back into the cabin, she felt as tired as she did after she saved Diego. Lila quickly lit the fire, wrapped herself up on the couch and started eating. Just like a few hours ago, she stared into the flames and got lost in her thoughts.
***
Even when I know it's been forever I can still feel the spin
Hurts when I remember and I never wanna feel it again
***
“Darling, I need you to be a titch more clever about this.” Lila felt her mother’s gaze upon her. No no no!! This can’t be right. Lila couldn’t wrap her head around this. Diego didn’t lie to her. He would never do the same thing to her! Her mother kept talking, she just didn’t want it to be the truth. Her mother simply must be mistaken. Lila tried to hold back the tears from falling. “Diego doesn’t know what Five did.” She was absolutely sure about this. Diego never played her. He couldn’t. He loved her. Or at least he cared very much about her. The kisses he gave her, the warmth in his eyes while looking at her, how he had comforted her in the closet… He was hot-heated and always told her what he was thinking, even if she didn’t want to hear it. But damn it! Her mother could be so convincing. And she was here with Lila, she was the only family Lila had left after Five made her an orphan. What if she was right? Lila didn’t know what to think. She wanted to talk to Diego, ask him what the hell the truth was! But he wasn’t here. He wouldn’t wipe away her tears, as much as she wanted him to. And her mother was right. Five was a giant asshole, that wasn’t a secret in the Commission, and if it would help get his family home, Diego might be playing along. He trusted Five, he went after their father with him and nearly got himself killed. He would do what Five asked of him. Lila never felt so hurt and betrayed in her life. She hated Five for manipulating Diego this way. Her mother was right. The problem must be solved. Once and for all.
***
Tryin' every day when I hold my breath
Spinnin' out in space pressing on my chest
***
Lila woke up in a really uncomfortable position on the couch. Fortunately, the fire was still burning and had kept her warm. Everything was pitch black on the outside. She had no idea what time it was. Lila loathed the Handler for having so much power over her that day in her office. She manipulated Lila to believe that Diego knew everything about Five’s past. She felt so ashamed right know and she was sorry. Sorry for the time she hated Diego, sorry for the time she didn’t have faith in him and his feelings towards her.
Not everything she told Diego in Dallas was a lie. Actually, after she drugged him and dragged him into The Commission, she didn’t lie to anyone anymore. Not to her mother when she told her that Diego was her boyfriend; she wanted him to be so badly. Not to Herb when she told him she would never kill Diego because she loved him, and still does… It hurts so much to think about him. Like now, when she was lying in that uncomfortable bed, listening to the waves crashing against the rocks. She could even imagine him holding her tight and murmuring words of comfort into her ears. She would let her thoughts drift away, with him still right beside her. Lila missed him so much. It just wasn’t enough for her anymore. She needed to be back to him again, to be able to talk to him… touch him… kiss him. She had to find him.
***