Archive of Our Own ^beta

Summer of Eleven

“Israfel… Rafi… Izzor… Izzy! That’s it! Sounds like a real rock star name.” Jupiter beamed at Israfel, who looked up from the cake he had been prodding with his fork.
“Hm?”
“Your new nickname! I’ll call you Izzy now!”
Israfel nodded, absent mindedly.
Jupiter glanced at him sideways. “What are you pondering?”
They were sitting in Jupiter’s study, enjoying the afternoon tea, but Israfel had kept quiet for some time now.
“Just so you know, I am currently very deliberately not using my sight, so you have to actually tell me what’s on your mind.”

It took Israfel a long moment to answer.
“I have been thinking… Seeing how you live and what you do and how everyone admires and likes you, even though they know about you being a Witness... It’s got me wondering... I’ve never thought I could do anything useful with myself, but now....”
“Ha!” Jupiter exclaimed, “I got into your head!”
“Mhm… I think I realise only now how unsatisfied I’ve been with my life and how much I missed actual company and meaningful interactions. Also, coming to visit you at the Deucalion has shown me that it’s not impossible for me to protect myself from all the human emotional chaos, to some extent. Every time I go back home now, I feel more lonely and bored. Cassiel is away so much, and there’s nothing for me to do, really.”
He paused, as if to gather the courage to continue, “I think… I think I want to move to Nevermoor.”

Jupiter jumped up from his chair and was next to his within a stride.
“Really? Are you serious? That sounds like a brilliant idea! When do you want to move? And where?” He grabbed Israfel’s hand, almost sending his half-eaten cake flying, and squeezed it excitedly. “There’s plenty of room at the Deucalion, you know.”
“Eeh… well, thanks for the offer,” Israfel smiled a little uncomfortably, “but in my future home I don’t want to constantly worry about being eaten by a giant predator that might be lurking behind the next corner at any time.”
“Oh, I told Fen she can’t keep stalking you! Has she been on it again? I got really, really cross with her when she tried to claw at your wing, you know, she should have gotten the message by now!” Jupiter tried to look strict, but of course he knew that noone could actually tell Fenestra anything.
“Thanks, again, but I also want to explore living on my own for once. It’s something I never thought I could do, but it might actually be possible in Nevermoor. I am kind of excited about it now.” Israfel smiled up at Jupiter, and he could feel the echo of that warmth very deeply. He bent down to kiss him on his forehead. “I’m really happy for you! Hopefully everything will work out as you wish. If you need help finding a place, just let me know and I’ll make use of my network.”
“That would be very helpful, actually, as I can’t search too openly.” Israfel closed his eyes and leaned his head against Jupiter, who put his arms around him. “Without you I would have never gotten to this point. You really changed my life.”

Three months had passed, and Jupiter remembered the conversation they had that day, as he opened the balcony door leading to his private parlour for Israfel who was waiting outside. He could still feel the fresh energy that came from making a major step in one’s life every time he’d met him since. The air that surrounded Israfel was practically sparkling with excitement for the prospect of unexpected possibilities that might open up for him, now that he had found the inspiration to actively do something with his life. Itwas so completely different from when Jupiter first met him. The Celestial had been miserable, bored and lacking perspective. They had spent some really, really good time with each other whenever Jupiter wasn’t out on one of his various missions, and it seemed that Jupiter’s enthusiastic and adventurous personality and the sincere affection he felt for Israfel had done wonders for his outlook on life.

Recently Jupiter had managed to arrange the contract for a nice, little flat for him in the buzzing arts district of Bohemia, where even a stunning, winged person could pretty safely take a stroll among the extravagant crowd without risking immediate exposure. Neither of them were completely sure of the political impact it might have, should word get out that one of the Celestials was now a permanent resident of Nevermoor, as this was quite unheard of. Israfel could only travel outside of Bohemia at night to keep his cover, but so far he didn’t mind. The novelty of it all was still too fascinating.

The positive energy that was radiating from Israfel was very contagious and Jupiter couldn’t help a wide smile crossing his face just from looking at him. While he had always been incredibly attractive, his former self had a more tragic beauty to it, whereas he was now almost literally glowing.

With a brief whooshing noise, Israfel took a small leap and floated in through the door, flinging his arms around Jupiter and pulling him in for a kiss, almost knocking him over. Before he knew it, Jupiter’s feet were swept of the floor and another strong beat of Israfel’s wings had him pushed with his back against the wall. Stunned by the intensity of that attack, he slowly slid down until he stood again with slightly soft knees. Israfel, now back on the ground as well, broke their kiss and took a step back, looking at him with a smug grin.

“Hello you!” Jupiter laughed breathlessly, steadying himself against the dizziness as his vision went in and out of focus., “I don’t know what led to this passionate greeting, but I’m not complaining.”
“I brought three gifts!” Israfel smiled, “One is this-” He pulled a bottle of Champagne out of his cape, “one is great news, and one is something you have been waiting for.”
“Mysterious! I like that!” Jupiter went over to his cabinet and got out two glasses. Luckily the Deucalion seemingly approved of his recent lover, as ever since they started spending more time together here, the room had rearranged itself to become more and more accommodating for someone with a good three meter wingspan. The ceiling had gotten higher, the room more open and spacious and a lot of knick knack from Jupiter’s various expeditions was now stored safely behind glass cabinet doors. As it had turned out, wings and narrow sofas weren’t the best match either, soa pot-pourri of mismatched, colourful pillows, blankets and rugs had turned up in a large, cosy pile in front of the now extinct fire place. This was where they sat down, filling their glasses and makingthemselves comfortable.

“So, Izzy, what’s the good news?” Jupiter inquired expectantly.
At some point Israfel had stopped cringing every time he used his nickname. He took a deep breath.
“I have gotten myself a deal with the Old Delphian Music Hall across from where I live!” he announced, looking very pleased with himself.
“What? How? I mean, congratulations, of course, that’s super news!” Jupiter was seriously surprised at that revelation, something that rarely happened. He hadn’t anticipated Israfel being interested in singing publicly at all, as his musical talent with its special powers had always been a difficult topic for him. “But, no offence, were you not until recently completely against making use of your unique singing voice?”
“Oh, that,” Israfel’s enthusiasm was unwavering, “well, I met the agent from the Old Delph outside my house, and we got talking. She told me their programme is extremely exclusive and invitation only, their entrance is even hidden in a tricksy lane. So I needn’t worry about publicity and politics and all that.”
Jupiter looked at him suspiciously, “Yes, but I can’t help remembering that you were absolutely against singing for me when I asked you to – not even one note! What about all those perfect-harmony-not-really-though-so-you’ll-never-be-happy-again mind tricks?”
“Ah, that,” Israfel’s smile widened, “that’s where my third surprise comes into play. Tonight I am going to sing for you!”

Israfel explained to Jupiter the theory he’d come up with. Just as Jupiter had over time learned to filter his sight, Israfel wanted to learn to gain control over the effects of his singing. If he managed to sing in a way that would not be too intense for those hearing it, he hoped he would actually be able to use his voice for good, to please, help, comfort and maybe even heal people. Jupiter had never thought of it this way, but it did make sense in a way. And he could tell how thrilled Israfel was about his plan, so of course he agreed to help him.
“I already told that agent I would take the gig, and she agreed to give me the time I need to practice before I start actually performing. And I think you are the perfect guinea pig,” he smiled smugly, “Your sight will make it a lot easier for you stay focused, as you can see the effects on the Gossamer. Also, those who are most susceptible to the negative effects are those who are rather unhappy with their life. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but my impression is that you’re usually more on the other end of the spectrum!” Jupiter nodded thoughtfully. Of course, if you were miserable, it would hit you much harder after enjoying a perfect moment to have to return to reality, while if what you returned to was a rather prosperous life, the contrast wouldn’t be as drastic.

He looked at Israfel with honest admiration. “You are a bright mind. And have a good heart. And you’re beautiful. Of course I’m all blissful when I’m with you. As long as you don’t dump me during your song, we should be on the safe side I guess.”
“And you are the silliest person I’ve ever known. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure that you will happily return to reality.” Israfel smiled and leaned over to kiss him deeply. “So you will help me? Promise?”
Jupiter grinned and kissed him back, “How could I say No to that? Of course I’ll help you! I promise! When shall we start?”
“Now!” Israfel whispered against his lips and pushed him back onto the soft pillows. “I’ll just start with one note, and if you do well, add another one. I will enclose you with my wings, so you can safely use your sight. You’ll hold my hand and if you let go of it, I know I’ll have to stop right away. Sounds good? Do you trust me?”
Jupiter swallowed. He wasn’t scared, he’d done weirder things than handing over his mental integrity to a charming lover. He just wondered what he himself would find out in this odd experiment and if he was ready for it. “Yes, sounds good. I trust you.”

Israfel took his hand lightly into his so he could hold onto it. His shimmering wings unfolded around them and blocked out the light. Jupiter could feel Israfel’s lips touch his and move over his face, his neck and to wards his ear. He could feel his heart beat quickening. He opened his eyes, relaxing into the array of sensations that he could feel, see and hear. “Are you ready?” Israfel whispered very quietly against his ear, and Jupiter squeezed his hand lightly, reminding himself to steady his breath and focus on seeing.
When he heard the note that Israfel hummed into his ear, quietly first and then i ntensifying , his body stopped existing and all he could see, all that he was, was a glowing light, composed of all colours at once, combined to a bright white, soft and brilliant. His mind went blank, there was nothing left to think or feel. Then a sudden rush of adrenaline shot through his body as he fell, fell and lay on the pillow s again, gasping for breath, eyes wide and the loudness of his blood rushing through his body reverberating in his ears. He felt Israfel’s arms around him and being pulled into a tight embrace. He closed his eyes and waited f or the dizziness to fade.

“Are you alright? Back on earth?” he heard the low voice against his head.
“Yeah, I guess… just a little… high.” Jupiter couldn’t help but chuckle at the weirdness of the whole situation. The universe seemed quite hilarious right now.
“Ookay… not what I expected. But better than not wanting to live in this impure world anymore, I suppose.” Israfel let go of him and looked at him scrutinizingly. “Let me get you a drink.”

A fter Jupiter had recovered, they went for another try. This time Jupiter knew what to expect and he realised he could actually still feel his body, if he focused on the s ight rather th a n the sound. Then Israfel added another note and all went up in the bright shining light again. It would certainly be a long process, but still a promising start. When he was back, Jupiter actually wanted to try again, but Israfel firmly declined. Two trips seemed to be more than enough for one night. As the reverberations faded, Jupiter noticed how tired he actually was, so they went to sleep. Another new addition the Deucalion had kindly provided was the utterly extravagant, large round bed that had replaced his old four poster and now took in most of Jupiter’s bed room. “Wings!” he thought to himself and couldn’t suppress a giggle. The world was still a funny place.

The next morning they were awoken by a light knock and a rattling noise, as Martha left the breakfast trolley outside the door. Recently she didn’t dare entering anymore. Jupiter stretched and rolled around in Israfel’s arms to look at his sleepy face. It had quickly shown that a winged person should better be the bigger spoon, although Israfel was smaller than Jupiter.
“Good morning, my darling angel!” He murmured with a sleepy smile.
Israfel groaned. “It’s too early for your silliness. Did I not just hear the coffee being brought? No stupid nicknames before morning coffee, remember?”
Jupiter laughed and kissed the part of Israfel’s face that was not burrowed in the blankets and scrambled out of bed, grabbing his dressing gown and going to fetch the breakfast.
Apart from the bespoken coffee and toast, he discontentedly also saw a rolled up newspaper and a folded note. If he got them on the breakfast trolley, it could only mean they were annoyingly important and required his immediate attention.
He poured Israfel a coffee, handed over the tray and took up newspaper and note.
“What is it, dear? Is your work already following you to bed now?” Israfel inquired a little displeased at the lack of attention.
“I’m sorry, I’ll just need to briefly check this note. If Kedge sends it up already, it’ll be very important. Then I’m all yours again.”

Jupiter stopped dead in his track as he saw that the newspaper was in fact a copy of the Chronicle from the Wintersea Republic. A front page article was marked in red ink. The title read: “OUTRAGEOUS! Chronologist presents theory about a potentially early Eventide”. The note was closed with a “W” wax seal. Before opening it, he already knew it was from the chronology department at Wunsoc, his old friend Emilia specifically, whom he’d asked to keep him updated on any news about the extraordinary dawning of Eventide a whole year too early.

“No, no, no! Not now, not yet!” he muttered under his breath. He turned his back to Israfel who was eyeing him quizzingly over his coffee mug.

'Dear Jupiter,

our latest calculations give us a new perspective on the Eventide theory. We can today give you a 90 % certain confirmation of the early end of the age . I thought you’d also like to know that our neighbours in the Republic are now starting to clock it as well. W i ll keep you updated.

Best wishes,

Emilia'

Jupiter folded note and newspaper back up, set them aside on his dresser and started pacing the room. That changed everything. He couldn’t wait any longer. Why now? Ugh, and what should he tell Israfel? He wasn’t ready for this to happen...

“What is it? Bad news? Is something wrong?” Israfel’s voice had an apprehensive tone to it.

What should he do? He’d have to leave for the Republic as soon as possible. There were still so many uncertainties, so much to prepare. It would take him months...
“Jupiter? Will you speak to me, please?” Israfel had gotten up and stood in front of him, blocking his way with a stern look on his face.

Jupiter swallowed. He had not wanted this. What should he do? He felt a lump in his throat.
“I will have to leave. Something has come up, and I need to travel outside of Nevermoor. I’ll be away for a while.”

“Oh. When?”
“As soon as possible.” Jupiter turned away, but Israfel caught his arm.
“Will you please explain to me what is going on? You travel on missions all the time, why does this one make you look as if someone just died?”

Jupiter looked to the ground. He wanted to tell Israfel everything, about Eventide and the potential Wundersmith and how he had decided he would safe her. But he couldn’t, no one could know about it yet. If he confided in him and they were found out, it’d put him in danger. It had to stay a secret that only he, Jupiter, knew and he’d have to do anything to protect it.

“This one is different. It’s not something I got to do for any of my organisations. It is a personal mission. I am the only one who knows about it, and it needs to stay that way. I would tell you more if I could, but it’s too dangerous. I can’t risk this going wrong, it’s very important.”

Jupiter could see that Israfel’s face clouded over.
“Do you not trust me? I can keep a secret. And I still don’t understand...”
“Of course I trust you! I wish I could tell you, I really do. But I can’t, it’s to protect you. If I pull this through, and you’re associated with me, you can get in grave danger and I’m not risking that. I’ll be gone a lot in the upcoming months, and then… it’s probably best if you get on with your project, and I...”
“Since when have you planned this… this mission? And why didn’t you warn me this might happen?”
Jupiter sighed.”It’s more of an ongoing side project. I didn’t think it’d be due until next year. But now… Listen, I’m so sorry, this is all very unexpected for me as well. I will have to think about it. In fact…” Jupiter bit his lip, unsure how to continue, “until this is over, you’d best not see me anymore. I don’t know what will happen, and -”
“Stop, right there,” Israfel interrupted, staring at him perplexedly, “Are you now breaking up with me?”
“No, no, of course not! I mean, not really, just temporarily, more like a break...”
“A break? And you won’t tell me why?” Israfel’s voice had risen to an uncharacteristic pitch, anger boiling inside of him, “Just like that? Do I mean nothing to you?”
“Of course you do!” Jupiter didn’t know how they had gotten to this point, this was not what he’d wanted. He had kind of known it’d be inevitable at some point, should they stay this close, to distance himself from Israfel but not like that, and not now. But yet…
“That’s why I want to keep you safe. And it’s not as if we can’t see each other anymore at all. I just don’t know what will happen and when I’ll be back, and...” He trailed off, as Israfel was turning away to gather his things. He could see how angry and confused he was and wished he could start this all over again, make everything he said unheard.

H e had a last, desperate idea. “Here, I wanted to give you this!” He grabbed a set of two tiny notebooks and a pen from his shelf. “Please, take one of th e notebooks, I can send you messages with it. Whatever I write in this one, with this specific pen, will show up on the pages of the other one. I used to have two pens, but I lost one, now it only works one way I’m afraid. But at least I can write to you then!”

I srafel flung his cape around his shoulders and shook his head in disbelief. “I’m out of here. I don’t know what just happened, but I’ve had enough of if.” And gone he was, jumping of the balcony and flying of with vigorous strokes. Jupiter wanted to call after him, but couldn’t move or bring out a word. What had he done?

Jupiter’s heart was beating wildly as he turned the corner at the New Delphian, his hat pulled deep into his face to shield both himself from the busy surroundings and the world from the view of his bleary eyed face. It was the day after Israfel storming out after their fight, and he still wasn’t sure whether it was the right decision to try to talk to him again so soon. But neither he nor his suffering Deucalion family had been able to stand his dreadful mood anymore that had him pacing up and down the corridors all day and night, muttering to himself, alternating between cursing and tearing his ginger hair out. When Kedgeree carefully informed him that several guests started complaining and wanted to speak to the manager, should this disturbance not stop immediately (he also slipped in a reminder that Jupiter himself was the manager), he downed a cup of coffee that had gone cold, grabbed his overcoat and brolly and left the Deucalion at a run before he could change his mind again.

When he stopped in front of the door to the house where Israfel’s flat was located, he suddenly realised that he might not even get past the sharp watch dog that guarded the house against unwanted intruders. This security system in the form of a tiny, fragile looking, elderly concierge woman named Miss Nilüfer seemed to be very effective at protecting the privacy of the more famous inhabitants of the house. She heard and saw everyone and everything, at all times, and Israfel had told him he’d witnessed her chasing a flock of reporters away only with her fierce stare and her walking stick. To prevent this from happening to Jupiter, he had come up with a code – Israfel had wincingly plucked one of the longer feathers from his wing and gave it to Jupiter, informing him that the concierge knew she was to let him in if he showed it to her and twirled it twice between his fingers.

Jupiter wasn’t sure if this identifier would still convince the woman to let him through today, as after their fight Israfel might haveinstead told her to chase him all the way down the street should he dare showing up again at his doorstep. He took a deep breath. No turning back now, he’d have to take the risk. He carefully opened the door, removed his hat and pulled the black feather out of the inside of his coat. The sight of it and all the attached memories gave his heart a sting. He wanted to make up with Israfel so badly, he really did.

A sharp coughing noise made him look up. The elderly lady in her frilly white lace dress stood in the hallway, blocking the stairs, holding her walking stick like a sword. Carefully, as if to not provoke her, Jupiter raised the glittering feather and twisted it slowly, once, twice.
Nothing happened.
‘Okay, that didn’t work, retreat,’ he already thought. But then the concierge took a small step aside, leaning on her walking stick, her sombre looking wrinkly face unmoving.
With relief Jupiter took a slight bow and walked towards the staircase. “Good day, Miss Nilüfer, and thank you!” he greeted her.

Just as he thought he had passed her safely, a sharp pain made him cry out as Miss Nilüfer’s walking stick struck his backside in a surprisingly strong blow. “The poor boy has been in a terrible state!” she hissed at him as he stared at her with shock, “Don’t you dare come down here again before you’ve apologised to him!” With another threatening scowl she turned and waddled slowly towards her door. Jupiter shook his head in disbelief and quickly went up the stairs before she would change her mind about letting him in.

The door to room 3.4 on the third floor had seen better days, the green paint had started to flake, but the number plate was polished and shiny. There was an ambient noise in the hallway, a mix of clattering sounds, someone singing and a piano being played on another floor. Jupiter stood staring at the door for a few minutes, absent-mindedly watching scenes from it’s past, from former inhabitants to it’s previous life as a tree in the forest, without taking any of it in. He tried to make out whether there were noises coming from behind that door, but couldn’t hear anything. If Israfel wasn’t in, Miss Nilüfer would have know, right? Unless he had flown out of course.

When he heard distant footsteps approaching, he finallymustered the courage to lift his hand and knock on the door.
The answer took a few moments, and when it came, just the sound of the well known deep voice touched a part in Jupiter that almost had him tear up.
“What do you want?”
He had spend all of the last day to come up with a hundred things he wanted to say, explanations and answers and apologies, but now his mind was completely blank. “Can I talk to you?” he pressed with a shaky voice.
When nothing happened, he added, “Izzy, I did not want any of this. Let me apologise, please!”

There was silence, then some heavy footsteps and silence again. The door was unlocked and opened a small crack. More footsteps, and Jupiter slowly pushed the door open. Israfel stood with his back towards him by the window at the far end of his room. As he was showing no sign to ask him in, Jupiter quietly slipped inside and closed the door behind him. It was the first time he’d been back here after Israfel moved in, and he was a little shocked by the state of the place that was littered with empty food containers, half unpacked boxes and discarded clothing. He couldn’t help but wonder whether the chaos reflected Israfel’s state of mind, or if this was his normal. The whole atmosphere seemed to match the stormy clouds he could make out around Israfel’s head though. He felt somewhat intimidated when he remembered their first meeting and how angry Israfel had been back then. As a precaution, he breathed in deeply and focussed on reinforcing his protective visual filters.

The silence was growing long and uncomfortable and Jupiter felt he had to say something. That’s what he had come for, was it not?
“Izzy… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know you’re angry and rightfully so. I’ve come to try to explain and apologise. Won’t you turn around and look at me… please?” Jupiter could see Israfel’s wings twitching and his shoulders heaving under his fast breaths. “Please, Izzy… I just want to talk to you. If it helps, I did already get a beating from Miss Nilüfer down there, so...”

With a sudden swift motion Israfel turned around and Jupiter had to gasp at the boiling rage that showed in his face and flooded the room around him. He made a brisk step forward and raised his hand, and for a second Jupiter thought he wanted to strike him, but he stopped and stared him right in the eyes with such an intensity, Jupiter winced.

“No.” He growled in a dangerously low voice that was quivering with rage, “No, you don’t get to do this. Not this time. I won’t let you do this to me. You don’t get to apologise to make yourself feel better. You don’t get to explain, so I forget my anger. You don’t get to use your clever ideas and shirk from taking responsibility by being silly or funny.” He spat the last words as if they were something disgusting, and heaved a deep, shuddering breath before continuing, “If you’re here to try to defend yourself, then I don’t want to hear another word from you. Then leave and don’t come back.” He turned around and took a few steps away again, his back and wings shivering with held back anger.

Jupiter stood frozen to the spot, unable to move or speak, his mind both racing and completely empty. What had he been thinking? That he could just say “I’m sorry” and everything would be back to normal? He didn’t know what to say or do, he wasn’t sure if there was anything else to say, another right thing left to do.

Moments passed, and Jupiter couldn't tell whether it was seconds or hours. When Israfel spoke again, there was another tone in his voice that resounded somewhere deep in Jupiter’s mind, in a place that was so full of pain it was hard to bear.

“You deliberately chose to do something you knew would hurt me. You lied to me. You gave me a promise, and broke it on first chance. I trusted you.”
Jupiter was still unable to move. He hadn’t really thought of the scope of his actions. He didn’t have bad intentions. But that didn’t make it any better.
Then Israfel turned around to face him, and his eyes were wide and streaked with tears. “Do you even see what you were asking of me? Did you really think I would be here, waiting for you, without ever knowing when you’d be back or if you would want to see me? I am a person, with my own life, you can’t just put me on hold and come back to me as it pleases you and expect me to be there! I won’t be played with and used like that, not anymore!”

Jupiter felt tears running down his own cheeks now. He just felt sorry, so sorry, he hadn’t wanted this, but saying it wouldn’t change anything. He wanted to undo what he had said, but that was impossible. And he wanted to be with Israfel and hold him, make him understand that he did not want to lose him, that he wanted to be there for him and console him in his pain. But he didn’t dare to move or speak, he’d already done too much.

Israfel gave a sobbing noise and continued in a faint voice. “Of course I knew you’d leave, you’re so busy and always have a hundred different plans on your mind. It’s just who you are. But… but I didn’t think it would be so soon. And that you would still want to see me.”
“I do though! Just… it just won’t be possible in the next time. I also didn’t think it would be so soon… I should have warned you. I want to be with you so badly, but I can’t… It’s just to keep you safe!” Jupiter burst out urgently, as he found his voice again.

Israfel’s face grew dark again. “It was your choice, you always have a choice. You chose to do whatever you’re doing that you can’t even tell me about, you chose to not warn me about it earlier, you chose to go away, you chose to break the promise you made to me.” New tears dwelled up in his eyes. “It might seem like nothing to you, you with your important missions and bigger picture stuff, but it was important to me to have your support with my singing. It was my chance to change my life, to do something meaningful. You gave me hope, and took that away from me again. I had hope for us. I thought we would be there for each other.”
He started pacing back and forth, rubbing his face with his sleeves. Jupiter felt the sadness in the room creeping into his bones and his whole body started aching. Israfel stopped to look at him, his face distorted in pain and let out an exasperated, angry sigh. “Ugh, stop staring at me like that with your sad blue eyes, looking as miserable as sin! I’m trying to be angry at you, you foolish man!”
With a tearful sob he flung himself at Jupiter and then they just stood there, crying and holding each other tight. Without really knowing what he was doing, Jupiter kept muttering “I’m sorry... I’m sorry...” and kissing Israfel’s wet face. In hindsight he couldn’t recount how long they were standing like this, lost in time and space, unable to let go of each other. They were stuck in this endless moment of mutual pain and love, knowing there was neither back nor forth from here, that as soon as either of them would move, their shared world would end, that they would be left without each others comfort, and only the pain would still be there. So they just kept holding each other.

At some point, there were no more tears left. The tragedy of the situation was slowly dissolving into a sinking feeling of numbness. When Israfel moved a step back, letting his hands fall from Jupiter’s waist, catching his hands in his own and holding them for a moment, before also letting go of them, Jupiter was surprised to see that the room had gone dark around them. As if to force himself out of the other's gravity, Israfel slowly took a few more steps back, and quietly spoke in a hoarse voice. “You should better leave now. There’s nothing more to be said.” He turned away, wiping his face on a towel he took from a chair.

Jupiter had to pull himself together to resist the urge to follow him and touch him again. With a deep sigh, he forced himself to turn away as well. He was about to open the door, when a last inspiration came to him. From his coat pocket he took the tiny notebook Israfel had refused to take the day before, and silently put it down on a side table. Then he left without turning back.