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“You can still be friends with him. I’m not telling you to stay away from him.”
“He’s my boyfriend,” Dean said. “Shit, Dad, you can’t even make yourself say the word.”
“Son, I appreciate that you want to help people. You have a kind heart in you,” John said. “You know, Mary-”
“Don’t bring Mom into this,” Dean said.
“Mary,” John continued, “once found a crippled bird in our backyard. She nursed it back to health when everyone swore it was gonna die. You should’ve seen it. It was amazing. She was so attached to it.”
“Cas isn’t a bird,” Dean said, and it was taking all of his will not to curl his hands into fists. “He can take care of himself just fine.”
“You’re a good-looking kid. I don’t know why you would want to waste it on someone like him,” John said.
“I can’t talk to you anymore,” Dean said, pushing away from the table.
“Son,” John said.
Dean stormed out of the kitchen. He heard John let out a long sigh and a chair scraped across the tiled floor. The worst apart of it was that John wasn’t drunk and angry like the alcoholic he’d been a few years ago. John looked confused and lost. It would be so much easier to hate John if he wasn’t looking at Dean with sad worn eyes like he was actually trying to understand. And Dean felt like a shitty son for even thinking about it.
It was late afternoon when Dean got out of the house. Kids were playing soccer in the front yard next door and laughing without a care in the world. Dean would give a lot of things to be like them again.
Dean found Sam and Cas in the garage.
Sam was showing off the chemical hazard he’d been building on the work bench for a month. Test tubes and beakers were set out around him on the bench.
Cas was wearing his sunglasses and had left his cane leaning against the table. He was moving his hands carefully over the volcano model, while Sam scribbled stuff down in a notepad.
“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, giving him a heads-up, before he slipped an arm around Cas’s shoulders.
Cas tilted his face towards Dean, and Dean kissed him on the cheek.
“You guys are so gross,” Sam said, wrinkling his nose.
“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, Sammy,” Dean said.
“I’ll never kiss anyone,” Sam declared.
“Sure you won’t,” Dean said. “What are you nerds doing anyway?”
“We’re talking about Sam’s project,” Cas said.
“Cas gives me loads of pointers,” Sam said, wearing his bitch-face, “unlike you, Dean.”
“That’s ‘cause I’m not a nerd,” Dean said.
“You are a total nerd for Batman.”
“I’m the nerd that’s gonna steal Cas away from you,” Dean said. “What do you say, Cas? A dinner out in town?”
“I’m amenable to that,” Cas said.
“You wanna come, Sam?”
“No, I have to finish my project by Friday,” Sam said. “Will you come to the science fair, Cas?”
“Of course I will,” Cas said gravely.
“How come you didn’t ask me to the fair?” Dean said.
“You made me bribe you with pies last year, Dean.” Sam rolled his eyes. “Just go on your date already.”
It was late in the year, so it was getting dark by the time Dean and Cas reached the Biggerson’s in city center. They ordered take outs, and they ate their burgers in the comfort of the Impala, listening to Robert Plant singing about a woman that was buying a stairway.
“Is something wrong, Dean?” Cas said.
“Why’d you say that?” Dean said, raising an eyebrow.
“You forgot to order a pie,” Cas said. “And you didn’t try to steal my fries.”
“Maybe I’m trying to watch my figure,” Dean said.
“Dean,” Cass said, managing to sound disapproving in that one syllable. The last time Cas had said his name like that, Dean had been banned from the Novak house.
Dean sighed. “My dad is an asshole.”
“I take it it didn’t go well with your father,” Cas said.
“Understatement of the year.”
“Your father will come around,” Cas said. “He cares about you.”
“I dunno,” Dean said. “This isn’t the sort of thing anyone gets forgiven for.”
“There is nothing to be forgiven,” Cas said sternly. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I know that, Cas.”
Cas squeezed Dean’s shoulder. “If nothing else, you still have me and Sam.”
“Yeah,” Dean said. “I don’t feel like going home early tonight though.”
“We can go stargazing,” Cas said. “The weather report said we have a clear night today.”
“Stargazing, huh?” Dean said. He thought about those nights he’d sneaked out to look at stars with Sam when John had been out at a bar. Sammy had told him all about the stories of the constellations. He’d always known Sam wouldgrow up to be a smart kid. “I don’t know you’re into stars.”
“I’m not, but you can describe them to me,” Cas said. “My brothers showed me a spot for stargazing. It’s a nice place.”
The star-gazing spot turned out to be in the woods on the edge of the town. Dean parked the Impala by the side of the road, and followed after Cas as Cas tapped his cane as he walked on the edge of the woods.
Cas stopped in front of a small opening in the woods, where the start of a path was worn shallowly into the grass.
“Do we go in here?” Dean said.
“Yes,” Cas said. “It’ll take us five minutes to reach the spot.”
Dean peered into the woods. Thee tall trees blocked out the light from the sky. “It’s kinda dark. I didn’t bring my flashlight.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize,” Cas said. “Do you still want to go?”
The path was really kind of dark. “Do you know how to get there?”
“I’ve been there many times,” Cas said.
“In that case, guide me, Cas,” Dean said. “I trust you not to lead me off a cliff.”
“Your confidence in me is inspiring,” Cas said drily. He held out his arm like he’d done when he’d taught Dean how to properly help a blind person cross a road.
(“Don’t pull me across the road. Let me hold your arm. Guide me.”)
Dean held Cas’s elbow, and opened his eyes as wide as he could. But once they stepped a few meters away from the edge of the woods and onto the path, it started getting dark. Dean held up his hand in front of his face. He couldn’t see a thing.
Cas was unperturbed. He tapped his cane in a rhythm that Dean was starting to know by heart. It was strong and steady. Cas stepped carefully, like he did most things, only walking where his cane had checked there were no obstructions.
Dean fell into step with Cas.
“Don’t be scared,” Cas said. He was whispering for some reason, but his voice still sounded loud in the silence around them.
“I’m not scared,” Dean whispered back.
“You’re breathing heavily, and you have a tight grip on my arm,” Cas said.
“Sorry,” Dean said, and loosened his hold.
“It’s perfectly fine,” Cas said.
It was the blind leading the blind, more literal than Dean had ever thought it could be. Dean chuckled to himself.
“You can say it,” Cas said, with a trace of amusement in his tone..
“Nah,” Dean said. “It won’t be as funny if I say it out loud.”
With the trees arched over and behind and before them, it was like they were in their own little world, surrounded by nothing but the darkness and the quiet taps of Cas’s cane.
After a few more moments, the path brightened, and it widened into a large clearing in the middle of the woods. Grass was rippling in the breeze. Trees ringed the clearing in a defined circle. The stars shone bright above them.
Cas led Dean to the center of the clearing, and they sat down on the grass. Dean breathed in the very distinct smell of autumn, the scent of dried leaves in the earth.
“This place is amazing,” Dean said. “Thanks, Cas.”
“You’re welcome,” Cas said.
An owl hooted somewhere deeper in the woods. The trees were swaying in the wind. They were shuffling in a quiet dance, as they shook their branches and rustled their leaves.
Dean bumped his knee into Cas’s, and Cas smiled at him. He knew Cas didn’t need the assurance, but he wanted to let Cas know that when things went quiet and nothing was moving, Dean was still here and hadn’t disappeared into the night like a friggin’ ninja.
“You’ve gotta take off your sunglasses,” Dean said.
“Why?” Cas said.
“‘Cause it’s night time, and you can’t look at stars with sunglasses on, man,” Dean said.
Cas took off his sunglasses and pushed it up in his hair. “You’re insufferable.”
Cas’s hair was a mess. Dean knew for a fact that Cas just didn’t care about brushing his hair. Cas could shave without nicking himself, and Dean had seen the way Cas could handle a knife that time he had made stew.
Cas opened his eyes, but he blinked far less than most people did. It was like he only blinked when he felt his eyes were too dry. “I can feel you staring at me.”
Dean laughed. “That’s no way you can feel that. You’re bullshitting me.”
“But you are staring at me,” Cas pointed out. “You didn’t deny it.”
“Alright, smartass,” Dean said, before turning to gaze at the stars. “Now we do what we come here to do: We look at the stars.”
Dean was helpless when it came to spotting constellations, but he could appreciate the view of a wide expanse of dotted lights twinkling in front of his eyes. The sea of stars went on forever, disappearing into the treetops that circled the clearing.
“Describe them to me, Dean,” Cas said.
“There are so many stars,” Dean said. “It’s like someone throws a handful of sand into the sky and the grains of sand turn into these bright lights that stay up there forever.”
“It sounds beautiful,” Cas said.
“And there is the crescent moon.” Dean traced the shape of it on Cas’s palm. “It looks kinda like your smile.”
“That isn’t like my smile,” Cas said. “The corners of a crescent are pulled up too high.”
“Dude, that’s how everyone draws a smile,” Dean said.
“A crescent moon is more similar to a peeled banana,” Cas mused.
Dean groaned. “You really know how to suck the fun out of it, Cas.”
Cas smiled, looking in Dean’s direction. Dean shuffled a few inches to the left so Cas was really looking into his eyes. Cas’s eyes were a dark blue in the low light, and the stars were reflected in them. His eyes were as clear as the sky. There was not a single hint of cloud in them.
It was almost like Cas knew Dean was staring into his eyes, because Cas said, “I would like to kiss you now.”
“You’re bossy.”
“So are you,” Cas said. He grabbed Dean’s arm, and tugged him forwards.
Dean had his eyes firmly closed as he moved to kiss Cas. He wasn’t much of a fan of having a close-quartered staring contest with someone he was kissing. He leaned forwards, and ended up with his mouth on Cas’s ear. Cas’s stubbly cheek scratched against his.
Dean laughed. “We’re so bad at this.”
“That’s because you keep moving,” Cas said. He reached up with both hands and cradled Dean’s face, holding him still. His hands were warm and his fingertips were covered in calluses. He was close enough for Dean to count the stars in his eyes.
Dean heard his own heart beating in his ears, which were turning a brilliant shade of red. There was no way Cas couldn’t hear it when he was this close to Dean. Cas must be feeling it drumming against his fingers, right underneath Dean’s skin.
Cas leaned towards Dean slowly and carefully, dragging his thumb over the corner of Dean’s lips.
“Quit teasing, Cas,” Dean said. He hadn’t noticed his eyes had drifted close again.
Cas laughed quietly, huffing small puffs of air against Dean’s cheek. He closed the remaining distance and kissed Dean squarely on the mouth.
Dean licked the seams of Cas’s lips and tasted the bitter tang of black coffee that Cas had drunk for dinner. Dean tasted cheese and a droplet of grease Cas hadn’t wiped off, so Dean did it for him, kissing it away.
Cas sucked on his tongue lightly.
The owl hooted again, and the stars and the moon shone as brightly as ever.
They could do this forever.