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"Hey DJ, I'm h -- "
When you get home from an all-summer boarding camp for young potential Olympic archers, what you do not expect is to visit your little brother and find a girl in his workshop instead.
Granted, Izzy knew that she had an unconventional life, and that her relationship with DJ Stark was an unconventional, chosen-not-genetic siblinghood, but still. There were, she felt, limits, and this was not within them.
Also, she was not entirely sure DJ was incapable of turning into a girl, if he really wanted, so this was --
"....ooooh awkward," she finished, standing in the doorway of the workshop.
The girl in the workshop, who had been standing and typing at one of the consoles, jerked around in surprise and nearly fell over. Izzy, deciding this was a talk-not-fight situation, raised her palms and held them at shoulder level.
"Friend, not foe," she said. "I mean, at least, I think so. Unless you're like, the youngest corporate spy ever. And hacked JARVIS. Not super likely, but..."
"Lucy, did you say someth -- " DJ's voice echoed out from a back chamber of the workshop, and he stopped in the other doorway, mouth forming a small "o".
The three of them stood there in a tableau of hilarious teenage indecision for what felt like a painfully long time, until JARVIS cleared his virtual throat.
"Ms. Barton," he said. "This is Lucy Piero, an intern at Stark Industries. DJ, it appears Ms. Barton has returned home."
DJ gave the nearest camera a look that clearly said You think?
"Just clarifying -- you're meant to be here, definitely not a corporate spy?" Izzy asked Lucy.
"Not a corporate spy. Not sure about the rest," Lucy said, with an amused tilt of her mouth.
"Ms. Piero is DJ's guest," JARVIS added, because DJ had that look that said words were being difficult.
It took Izzy, who was marginally more socially adept than -- well, Phil said "than all of the Avengers put together" but at any rate, better at this than DJ -- about two seconds to work out that "guest" could possibly mean another word that started with "g".
"Well, it's nice to meet you," she said with a smile, lowering her hands and offering one of them. "Any friend of DJ's."
"I didn't mention you," DJ announced suddenly, as they shook hands. He looked frantically from Izzy to Lucy. "Sorry! This is Izzy! She's my kind of sister!"
"It's cool, DJ, no freaking out required," Izzy said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "I should have warned you I was getting home early. Looks like you've had a fascinating summer."
"That is one word for it," JARVIS put in. "You have an extended briefing awaiting you, Ms. Barton."
"Can it wait? I managed a hot shower before I got in but I'd stab a friend for a real Starbucks coffee," Izzy said. "I need caffeine before I face Dad doing his My Baby Princess Is Home routine."
"Phil's the real threat," DJ said to Lucy.
"Threat to what?" Lucy asked.
"You ever hear the term 'helicopter parent'?" Izzy asked. "He sewed GPS chips into my clothes until I was twelve and started cutting them out again."
"I'm a little confused," Lucy said. "Like maybe twelve percent confused, but still."
"That is normal, Bartons exude a confusion field," Izzy said. "Hey, you should come with me. I will explain this all once I have half a latte in me."
DJ, eyes wide, looked like he wanted to protest but wasn't quite sure what he was protesting.
"You wanna come, Deej?" Izzy added. DJ didn't usually leave the workshop, but as Steve said, that was no reason to be rude and not invite him.
"I'm grounded," DJ said, at the same time JARVIS said "He's grounded."
"Okay, well, wow. Maybe you can explain some stuff to me too," Izzy said to Lucy. "You want us to bring you anything back?" she asked DJ.
"Nobody's really going to stab anyone, right?" DJ asked. Izzy patted his arm.
"I promise we'll both come back in one piece. Lucy?"
"Sure," Lucy said, glancing at DJ. "I can take Furbro if you're worried."
DJ nodded and scooped Furbro off his shoulder, depositing the little bot on hers. He scuttled into her breast pocket and peeped over the edge. Izzy beamed. Anyone Furbro liked was probably at least interesting.
***
"So," Lucy said, once they were in the elevator. "Is this going to be a shovel speech kind of situation?"
"Jeez, no," Izzy said, appalled. "I mean, I am not the biggest threat on your horizon, and if you're in the workshop, Tony already cleared you. Also, it's good for DJ to make new friends. He needs a little more rough-and-tumble in his life than the 'rents sometimes let him have."
"He's had uh. Probably more than was good for him, recently."
"And I am super-duper excited to hear about that, believe me," Izzy agreed, as they stepped out into the lobby and then onto the street. "But I've known DJ since I was six, and I have known you for like two minutes, so you know. Who are you, what do you do? Your shoes are really cute."
Lucy looked perturbed, but Bartons did not let little things like awkward introductions get in their way, so by the time they'd worked through the coffee line and found a table, Izzy felt like she had a handle on this whole "hey look my baby brother who is sometimes a robot is dating a girl" situation. Also, it sounded like the last few weeks had been actual facts horrible for everyone involved, and probably a good half of her extended family unit was having some kind of quiet breakdown. Izzy didn't mind; she had seen it as her job, since the age of six, to make sure the Avengers ran smoothly, and she was well-used to quiet breakdowns and how to fix them.
It wasn't arrogance if you actually pulled it off, she felt.
"So you're smart and heroic and I can't restate the cute shoes enough," Izzy said, when Lucy was done telling her the story of what Izzy was already mentally calling DJ's Best Also Worst Summer Ever. "I see why Deej is enamored. I may have to steal you from him. Mind you, my dad's not a billionaire, but the chance of you being abducted or harassed by random magical beings around me goes way down."
"I think I'll stick with DJ," Lucy said with a half-smile. "No offense."
"You say that now," Izzy said darkly, and they both broke down laughing. "I should get back, Dad's gonna flip when he finds out I'm home and didn't come straight to him. Thanks for the coffee break."
"Can I ask you something?" Lucy said, as they left the cafe.
"Sure."
"What's it like?" Lucy asked, and Izzy turned to her, frowning. "Being...part of all that. I mean, not the crazy of the Avengers, I got a crash course in that. But you know. The media and the life and all."
Izzy shrugged. "Sometimes you don't notice it's strange, when you grow up with it. Steve always made sure the media left me alone, more or less. It's weird when someone leaks your report card and People Magazine prints that you almost failed French -- which was not my fault by the way -- but it's not like there's another option. They're family, you know?"
"So you're okay with it?"
"Yeah, I guess. I never knew anything else, really. The Chitauri invaded when I was five, so since then it's been normal life for me. You're coming late to the game, and DJ's a pretty well-kept secret. It'll be different for you. But!" she added brightly, punching the elevator for the workshop level, "I'm basically always available, JARVIS can give you my phone number, and Deej is super cool. You get used to the rest. Besides, you'll do fine."
"How do you know?"
"Trust your elders."
Lucy narrowed her eyes. "You're like, six months older than me."
"Still counts," Izzy said, as the doors to the workshop level opened. She waved to DJ, who was standing in front of the glass waiting for them. "Hey, uh, Lucy," she added, and Lucy turned back to look questioningly at her. "Thanks, for real, for everything you did for DJ. I owe you one. Call if you need me. Or if you just want to hang out with someone else who gets it."
Lucy smiled. "Okay, I'll do that."
When the doors closed, JARVIS said, "Shall I notify your fathers of your arrival, Ms. Barton?"
"Lemme surprise them," she replied. "It's my day to surprise people, apparently, and I never get to make Phil double-take."