Chapter Text
It started with a dream.
Bam had been waiting for Rachel to come visit his cave, entertaining himself with thoughts of how one rock looked so different than another, while some rocks looked so similar.
There wasn't much in the cave that was interesting in the first place so Bam could only settle on those rocks to pass the time with. It's either those rocks, or his tattered white clothe and unkept brown hair.
Bam opted to choose the former.
A sudden pressure befell him, as if all those rocks he used to build to climb out buried him beneath its weight.
It was so out of the blue that Bam passed out without any resistance.
When Bam came to, he found himself in a dark rocky place, it was similar to the cave he's always lived in but the ceiling unable to be seen, a long and unending red line drawn on the ground.
The red line separating the space between light and darkness, with Bam lying on the brighter side.
"Did I... Did I really come back...?"
Bam could hear a somewhat familiar voice mumble in confusion. But Bam never heard anyone else's voice before aside from Rachel's so why did it sound familiar?
He sat up and then a figure appeared in his vision on the dimmer area just beyond that red line.
It was a man with brown hair like Bam's tied in a short ponytail, and he was much taller. His back was turned to Bam hence he couldn't see the other's face.
Oh, it's another person.
Someone other than Rachel came and visited Bam.
The thought brought overflowing joy in Bam's heart. There's someone else who could be Bam's friend, another friend who would keep Bam company and not be as lonely as he'd been before.
"Um, hello?" Bam called out, a bit of hesitation and nervousness seeping into his voice. What if the stranger didn't like Bam?
At his voice, the person turned and Bam could see his face.
It was so strikingly similar to his own reflection that Bam felt stunned.
Similar yet different. Older, with sharper and more defined features; maturity, wisdom and a bit of weariness and sorrow oozing from the other's expression.
Different from Bam's soft and innocent appearance.
The other person looked surprised at his presence before proceeding to smile, a smile uncannily similar to Bam's own.
"Hey there, Twenty-fifth Bam." The person greeted, his golden eyes warm and gentle as he looked at Bam.
"...how did you know my name?" Bam asked with his own golden eyes wide open, the question falling past his lips before he knew it.
The person walked towards him but stopped just before the red line separating them while Bam subconsciously mirrored his actions, approaching the other and stopping just before the line as well.
Strange. Bam didn't feel any wariness at all from seeing this person's sudden appearance, only curiosity and a feeling of unconditional trust, like the other will never betray him.
The person seemed to know him too which was suspicious as they never met before. However, instead of vigilance, Bam felt the need to get closer to him and to comfort him.
Comfort him from what?
"Of course I'd know your name." The older brunette leaned down a little so their identical golden eyes were on the same level. "That's my own name, after all."
"We have the same name?" Incredulous, Bam asked back. Unable to grasp the fact that there's someone who looked exactly just like him and even shared the same name.
"Yes, since I'm the future you." The older 'Bam' informed him, the previous bright smile turned into a sad one. "But I guess you can call me 'Viole' to avoid confusion."
"The future... me?" Bam tilted his head to one side, eager to ask for more questions but then the red line separating them glowed brighter creating a transparent wall between the two of them, the side Bam was in grew lighter while the other side where the older Bam - Viole - was at grew dimmer.
"Looks like someone's waking you up." Viole said, a tinge of regret leaking into his voice from their interrupted conversation as he looked at the younger Bam who was being engulfed by the bright light. "We'll talk again later."
Bam was confused, he wanted to ask more and yet he could feel himself slipping away as if he was being dragged to someplace far away and he couldn't do anything about it.
He could only see Viole place a finger on his lips, mouthing words Bam could no longer hear but could still lipread.
'Shh. Don't tell anyone about me. It's our secret.'
The last thing Bam saw before the light fully took him away was the pained and melancholic gaze on Viole's eyes as his future self watched him go.
And then Bam woke up, gasping for breath as he sat up, Rachel's panicked voice ringing next to him.
"Bam! Are you okay?!" Rachel reached out a hand to touch him and before Bam knew it, he was already slapping that outstretched hand away from him.
At that moment, it felt as if time had stopped, he could see the surprise in Rachel's eyes, surprise that Bam knew his own eyes held.
But there was something else in Rachel's eyes, emotions that Bam never saw before.
No, he saw it before but never realized what it was.
Disgust, anger and hate.
Those were feelings that were never taught to him and yet Bam could easily recognize it as if he'd seen it countless times, so much that it became familiar to him.
Why did Rachel look at him like that?
"Oh! Sorry, Rachel! I was just surprised..." Bam apologized in reflex, his own arms reaching out to the girl's hand he had just hit.
Before he could touch it though, he could feel his body freeze and he couldn't bring himself to directly lay his hand on Rachel's skin so he held onto the clothed arm instead.
There was a strange feeling of repulsiveness emerging within him at the thought of touching or even getting nearer to his blonde friend.
After schooling her expression into a more composed and gentle one, Rachel asked him, obvious worry in her voice.
"It's alright. You were groaning earlier, are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?"
Bam went silent, observing Rachel's expressions. Why did her concern seem so fake to Bam now? As if there had been someone other than Rachel had shown him genuine care and concern that Rachel's actions now seem so shallow and nothing more than just an act?
"I had a dream." Bam started speaking but when he thought of his future self's sad gaze in that dream and the desperate plea not to speak of him, he couldn't bring himself to continue and - for the first time - lied to Rachel.
"But I can't remember it anymore." An awkward smile plastered on his face.
Rachel seemed to buy it, not questioning it the slightest. As if it was a given that Bam would never lie to her, the same way that she expected Bam to forgive her lies and think nothing of it.
"Oh, okay." Rachel replied and then they started their usual routine, Rachel teaching him about things, chatting about stars and what's outside the cave.
These moments used to make Bam extremely happy and content. However everything seem so different. Their interactions distant and almost like that of ordinary acquaintances forced to sit together in one room.
Somehow, Rachel didn't seem so bright anymore.
When Rachel left, that's when Bam realized it.
Viole - his future self - had been with them the whole time watching the two of them, his presence although unseen, Bam could definitely feel it behind him.
And when Bam turned back to where he thought Viole had been, he was back to that dark space with the red line again.
Viole was sitting cross-legged on the ground just next to the line separating them, his back turned to Bam.
"So how was it?" Viole asked to which Bam could only reply with a bewildered "huh?"
The older brunette sighed and lifted himself off from his position to face his younger self.
"How did it feel like to see her through my eyes? Without the rose-tinted filters and bias you have towards her?" Viole had asked, his golden eyes piercing straight towards Bam's heart. He didn't even want to mention that cursed name.
"You mean those emotions I felt earlier were yours?" Bam asked, baffled at the question.
"...some of it, yes." Viole admitted with a shrug. The aversion and intense desire not to touch the blonde girl or be touched by her, those were definitely Viole's feelings.
"However, those tiny little things you saw or details observed today... That's just how I or any outsider with more experience interacting with people will see. The impressions we'll have when facing others."
"I don't believe you." Bam said with a frown, pure disbelief painting his face. "Rachel had always been nice and kind to me, so why did she look so mean and bad in your eyes?"
"Aside from her, you never saw anyone else before. So how could you say she was being genuinely kind to you?" There was a smile on Viole's face yet Bam could tell that his future self was anything but happy.
Future self.
The person he's talking with was his future self. Why was his future self here with him in the first place?
"...did she do something in the future?" Bam hesitantly asked, and the enraged yet broken expression that flashed through Viole's face was enough to make Bam feel his heart drop and his whole being feel numb and cold.
"She did." Viole pursed his lips, mouth tightening into a thin line, his gaze lowered down to the ground as his hands curled to fists on his sides.
A memory of a beautiful young man with pale skin and platinum blue hair lying in a glass coffin, still and unmoving as though death had claimed him found its way to the front of Viole's mind.
The fear he felt at the thought of losing his best friend, the guilt it brought knowing it was because of his stupidity, the rage he felt towards the unrepentant culprit and the helplessness he felt when there was nothing he could do about it...
It overwhelmed Viole to the point that he had to take a couple of deep breaths before he could compose himself and ensure that his voice won't crack.
"But it looks like you won't believe me so I won't bother telling you what she did." Viole glanced at the past him, the him that was so naive and foolish it reminded him of all the idiotic things he once did. "Or in your case, will do in your future."
But Bam didn't reply at the contempt the other had towards Rachel.
"...what was that... just now?" Bam breathed out, his heart thumping wildly in his chest, the raw emotions he felt moment ago threatening to engulf him whole. "Who was that? Why was he in a transparent container?"
The vision he saw in that instant and the heartache he felt... Those did not belong to the 'current' Bam but to the 'future' Bam.
Viole paused, pondering on their situation and how he should explain it to his past self.
"In the future I've been... A lot of things happened and it won't be an exaggeration to call it a tragedy." There it was again, that wry smile on Viole's face. One that spoke of heartaches and a sorrowful past when words couldn't.
"All of my friends died during our climb in the Tower." They died in order to send him to the top of the Tower.
The Tower that Rachel spoke of? The one that will show you the stars when reached the top? Or even grant you your wishes?
Then the future him will be climbing the Tower? Why?
"I was the only one who reached the top." And there, a god granted his wish. Well, not entirely but this will do.
"My wish was to return to the past where I could be with my friends again and protect them," Viole told him and then gave a careless shrug, "I didn't expect it to be like this though."
"What do you mean?" Bam asked, confused beyond belief.
"I was - My consciousness was supposed to be sent back to my body at this point in time." Viole explained. "But instead of our consciousness and memories merging together to become a single entity, it seems like we ended up as two different personas sharing the same body."
Wide-eyed, Bam unconsciously backed away. "Are you going to steal my body?"
Viole blinked owlishly twice at him before chuckling merrily. It was the second closest expression he showed to genuine joy.
"I could do that, yes." Viole replied, watching how the other looked terrified. Did he really look that funny when scared? Round-eyed, and trembling like a newborn fauna? No wonder Yuri and the others liked to pick on him before.
"But no, I won't do that. There's no point." Viole rejected the idea right away. "That's like killing myself and my friends definitely won't like that."
In the first place, it was the innocent and naive 'Bam' that his friends got closed to and trusted at the start.
Viole can't guarantee he could perfectly act out his past self's behavior without letting anything slip through his play. With how cautious a certain blue-haired Lightbearer was, a single misstep would cause that person to be suspicious of him.
Viole wouldn't be able to bear it if that person avoided him because of that.
So it's best to let 'past Bam' - the one he'd grown fond of - continue to exist.
"This 'place' seems to be where our consciousness is linked together in our mind. A place where we can talk and interact with each other." Viole pointed to the red line separating them and then towards the bright area where Bam was. "The bright space you're currently in seems to be the area indicating which one is consciously controlling the body. The dark place I'm currently in... signifies which one among us would stay in the subconscious and lay dormant.
"Well, not exactly dormant. Rather, they'd just be watching and observing the situation from within."
It suddenly dawned on Bam that if Viole wanted to take control, all the future him had to do was to switch their places and Bam doubts he'd be able to do anything about it.
"...I won't stop you from... being friends with... her," Viole couldn't be bothered to even say that name out loud, even just in their mind. "In fact, I'd let you do everything you want and take control of our body most of the time as long as it doesn't interfere with my own goals."
Bam wouldn't listen anyway if Viole told him to stop.
"Apparently, not only our bodily senses and consciousness are connected, even our emotions are. Evidenced by how you caught a glimpse into my memory and emotions earlier." Viole deadpanned at an earlier annoying sensation he felt.
"The same way how I felt the happiness you did when you saw... that." Viole had to bit back the curse word from slipping through his mouth as to not teach his past self some bad words. Bitch.
"Although I won't try force my thoughts on you, that doesn't mean I can stop my impressions from reaching you. Particularly on people, places or scenarios I feel strongly about." Viole continued, and this made Bam relax a bit, inching closer to Viole once more.
"So Bam." It was strange to be calling his own name, Viole absentmindedly mused. "Let's have an agreement. You get to continue living as usual, play house as you always did and I won't interfere with that."
Bam nodded, those terms seem favorable for him. "Since this is an agreement, then surely, there's something you'd like in exchange?"
A smirk appeared on Viole's face, and it was an expression Bam never thought he'd see on himself. It was a confident and self-assured look filled with a charisma that Bam can't quite explain.
"The Tower is a dangerous place. If possible, I don't want you to climb it. But only by climbing it, will I be able to meet my friends again."
"So you want me to climb the Tower?" Bam asked, his brows furrowed. If he climbed the Tower, won't he leave Rachel behind? That didn't seem like a good idea to him.
"No. You're going to climb the Tower by your own will." Viole denied, a knowing look plastered on his face. "After all, you're going to follow her if she climbed the Tower, won't you?"
Bam couldn't refute that. Even after seeing the strangeness in Rachel's interactions with him, Bam had only ever known Rachel and she took care of him. He can't just leave her because someone said so, even if that someone was his future self.
In this regard, Viole was right. Bam wouldn't just believe someone who badmouthed his star.
After all, that had been Viole's reaction back then. Before all of the betrayals he experienced in her hands. How many times did he get betrayed by her before he learned his lesson?
A lot. If it weren't for the fact that he almost lost his precious Lightbearer due to her schemes that one time, he won't even wake up from his delusions of possibly having a happy future with her and his other friends.
So for this one, Viole will have to let Bam experience it for himself.
"If our body's in danger, then I'll take complete control. No questions asked." Viole stated his first condition. "I'll be able to better protect it compared to you, anyway."
Although offended, Bam knew that it was true, so he could only nod his head in agreement.
"While I'd set your relationship with that bi- girl aside for now since you already knew her, if I said not to befriend or trust a person, don't trust them." Viole added his second condition. "Because that person would most likely use or betray you."
The unsaid implication was clear.
I've been betrayed by them before and I don't want you - us - to experience the same thing all over again.
At this, Bam nodded. His heart feeling a bit warm. He knew that he was speaking to his future self, and that future him might have other motives and they might not get along with regards to Rachel, but he could at least feel that the other was genuinely looking after him when he said it.
The sudden pain he felt at those words proved it.
Viole had been hurt before and he didn't want this Bam to be hurt too.
It was impossible for Viole to remain unchanged with all the hardships he went through, so at the very least... He wanted Bam - his past self - not to experience it as well if he could prevent it.
Too bad the him of this time had already met Rachel. Wouldn't it have been great if he went back earlier in time where the past him did meet her yet?
It was a complex feeling that Viole couldn't quite put into words.
"Lastly, while I wouldn't mind you making your own friends, if I wanted to speak to my friends or need to do something for them, you'd let me take control of our body." Viole spoke his last condition.
Do something like keep a certain blonde bitch away from them, but Viole won't say that to the past him.
Overall, there wasn't anything excessive with the other's demands even after Bam thought through all of the conditions so Bam agreed after a few moments of thinking. Anyway, if Bam didn't agree to those, then Viole might just do something more drastic and Bam would definitely not like the outcome.
This, Bam could clearly feel.
He had no idea what kind of life the future him had lived through but Bam's animal instincts tell him that the future him is a dangerous person who would be able to sacrifice others - albeit unwillingly - if it means he gets what he wants.
And Bam instinctively didn't want to be at the receiving end of this person's wrath.
"We could always add or change the agreement later as needed but for now, I guess that will be all. Deal?" Viole offered his hand and Bam tentatively reached out and held it with his smaller hand.
Their hands just above the red line separating the two of them.
"Deal."