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5
“Once I grow up, I will be the one to take care of you.” The young boy had declared, his r’s and t’s still sounding more like w’s and s’s, clad in aqua and white clothing that almost swallowed him whole. He continued, as his mother momentarily stopped fixing the crown prince’s hair to pat Tooru’s head, “Just a few more years, Prince Hajime.”
The slightly older boy just pouts, eyes following the sweet woman’s hands as she fixes the collar of his navy blue and black uniform . “I can take care of myself. I can take care of you too! I am bigger!”
The woman laughs as little Tooru wrinkles his nose, crosses his arms over his chest, and stomps his foot, as righteous as ever, “Mama says I will grow if I eat more vegetables and I ate an entire bowl of carrots yesterday! She says the tinier boys get much much taller when they grow older! Just you wait, Iwa-chan, then I will be bigger than you!”
The crown prince eyes curve into crescents, ignoring the other boy’s honorifics, or lack-there-of. The woman has to pause for a moment, studying the prince’s expression and making sure no other royal staff were around to hear his son’s previous words, “But I want to take care of you . And what if you do not get any bigger than me?”
“But I want to take care of you too.” The youngest of the three falls into a full-on pout, shoulders deflating, “Mama says it is going to be my duty in the future, to be your adendan, when I am old enough. Just like it is her duty to you now.”
The young prince doesn’t answer for a while, but there was a small smile on his face that tells the woman that the crown prince may be wise beyond his years. Prince Hajime waits for his attendant to finish fixing his shoes, before he closes the distance between him and the younger boy.
Carefully, he takes one of the smaller’s hands in his. As they begin to walk to the doors of his chambers, hand in hand, the crown prince promises, “Then when we grow older, let us take care of each other.”
14
“Today is a big day, your highness.” Tooru quietly says, barely above a whisper, as he buttons up the prince’s simple white shirt. “Your first day training with the knights. Are you worried?”
“No.” A simple answer. The crown prince wishes Tooru thinks he was just being straightforward and tense out of being his usual self, instead of being completely distracted by the beautiful boy in front of him.
The crown prince didn’t know when it all started. How the younger boy went from being an awkward little boy with chubby cheeks and even chubbier fingers, with unruly earth-colored hair and a high-pitched voice to the Tooru now. The Tooru who is taller, even taller than the Prince, and slender. With sharper, and Prince Hajime notes, prettier features. Voice still sweet and kind, but deeper and more pointed than ever, especially towards anyone other than the crown prince himself.
“Well, you do not have to, my prince. You have been training with Matsukawa before right?” His attendant asks, now fixing the crown prince’s hair, not really waiting for an answer as he continues, “And I’ll be there to watch you.”
“You will?” The prince tilts his head slightly.
“You thought I wouldn’t? And what? Miss seeing you fall on your ass?” Tooru grins, beautiful, even brighter than any gold or diamond inside the crown prince’s chambers. “I would not miss it for the world, your grace.”
“I could have you banished for talking to me like that, you insolent servant.” But there was an unmistakable smile on his lips.
The attendant merely throws his head back and laughs, eyes sparkling when he calms down, “No one can banish me from this palace,” and in a mock whisper, he muses, “don’t tell anyone, but I heard the crown prince is fond of me.”
“Then you’re lucky he is.”
17
“Ru. ” The prince whispers, eyes searching in the dark, a single lamp being their only source of light in the crown prince’s chambers.
It was an arrangement they've started way back when they were at the young age of 10. Laying on their backs in the dark, with nothing to hear besides two different patterns of breathing. A habit they never got to grow out of.
Hajime feels the boy beside him stir, and feels the hot breath on his cheek, notifying him that the boy is now facing him. The voice that replies is slow and tired, but awake nonetheless. “My prince?”
The prince remains laying on his back, but he eyes the silhouette of the other, “I’m going to ask you a question and I need you to answer me truthfully,”
“Do you think I would make a good king?”
The brown haired boy doesn’t answer for a while, but when he does, it sounds almost accusing. “Tell me this first, my prince. Do you think you would make a good king?”
The crown prince sighs, playing with his own fingers above his blanket. It was getting more and more unusual to see him so uncertain, Tooru thinks. He keeps the memory of this young, uneasy, and innocent Hajime between his palms, and presses it close to his heart.
Hajime sighs, “I want to be. But I’m… completely terrified of not being a good king. I’m not as brave as my father. I’m not as assertive as Matsukawa. I’m not as political as you and Hanamaki. I’m not even as good with people as you are.”
He’s quiet for a while before he continues, “I don’t want to watch my kingdom fall because of me. I don’t want to watch my people hurt because of me.” He turns to face his attendant, and whispers, “What if I don’t make the right decisions? What if I can’t be a good king?”
It’s his attendant’s turn to smile. And Hajime feels it more than sees it, when a warm palm presses against his cheek. “Your grace,”
“You’re scared of becoming a king. You’re scared of the responsibilities and the consequences. Yet you’re not backing down. You’re not running away. You’re facing the things you claim terrifies you. That is bravery. You’re not brave like your father. You’re brave like you, my prince.”
Even through the darkness, the crown prince knows that there is a small smile on his attendant’s lips. “Also, Hanamaki is going to be your advisor in the future, it’s his job to be political. And if Matsukawa were to become our king, we’d be at war with every single country.”
The prince laughs lightly.
Tooru’s thumb caresses his cheek, and the warmth travels to his heart. “And not all of us can be as good with people as me.” His attendant chuckles, before continuing, “Luckily for you , I’ll always be by your side. Till you decide to get rid of me.”
“Your highness, any king who is terrified of watching his kingdom fall and his people hurt is a good one. Hajime. You’re the bravest, smartest, and kindest person I’ve ever known.”
And what he says next, was a whisper, a secret shared only between them. for now. Because soon, everyone will know too. “You would make a brilliant king.”
19
“I heard what happened!” Was the last thing the crown prince heard before he was thrown into his own bed, in a tangle of his own limbs and another’s, navy blue and black and aqua clothing.
“What were you thinking?” A shrill cry, coming from the culprit. “You could have gotten seriously hurt! Or you could have died !”
The crown prince wants to laugh, but the culprit, also known as his dear attendant, was leaning on one of his leg’s nasty bruises and it immediately stops the laughter in his throat. “Ru.”
But Tooru is relentless, arms wrapped tightly around the crown prince’s neck as if the older would disappear any moment.
He doesn’t know how long they lay there when Prince Hajime releases a groan, clearly hurt, and Tooru immediately scrambles up, weight on the Prince’s stomach.
And much to the crown prince’s embarrassment, his attendant immediately unbuttons his shirt. Palms touching, checking for wounds , at his face, his neck, his arms, his chest. Holy Mother of God.
Heat rises up the prince’s cheeks and it takes a lot of his willpower to protest, “Do you know how odd this would look if someone were to walk in on us?”
Then Tooru instantly freezes. Both hands still on the older’s chest, legs caging the prince’s hips. It takes him three seconds. one. two. three. And he’s off the prince and the bed, face almost as pink as the flowers he loved so much.
“I-I-“ They both had to gather their bearings, and when they did, it was Tooru who spoke first, already back to being accusing, “You shouldn’t have chased after those rebels! That’s what knights are for!”
The crown prince rises, but remains sitting on the edge of his bed, “They would’ve gotten away if I had waited for the knights to come.”
His attendant points a finger at him, “Then you should have let them go! You’re not even wearing proper armour!”
And that’s when the crown prince’s face darkens. Gaze intense and fist gripped tightly. “And what if they came back? I was in the gardens. You go there almost every single day. What if they had come back and it was you who was there?”
The crown prince stands up and closes the distance between them, voice rough and eyes pinning the younger boy to his place. “What was I to do if it was you?”
Tooru is taken aback. He couldn’t fight. He was a fast runner and he knew the gardens better than even the palace gardener did, but if he was outnumbered... He shivered at the thought.
But Hajime was the heir to the throne and Tooru was merely his attendant. Tooru would give up his life in exchange for Hajime’s any day, for more reasons than one.
And that’s when it comes to him, when he’s just a breath away from the older, feeling small even when he’s grown to be slightly taller than the other.
“You love me.” He says, not a question. A realization.
It takes a few seconds for the prince to reply, but when he does, his voice is certain and honest. “More than anything.”
This is Hajime’s brand of bravery.
Tooru wants to say it. Wants to say the words that have always been true to him, wants the prince to hear it, wants to declare it to the entire kingdom.
But the words would not come out of his mouth, instead, he erases the distance between them, slowly, he cups the crown prince’s face in his hands, and gently presses their lips together.
When their lips touch, it is welcomed. It is soft and intimate and sweet and gentle and everything Hajime has ever dreamed it to be.
It is the only home Hajime has ever known.
22
“Today is a big day, my love.” Tooru quietly says, barely above a whisper, as he fixes the crown prince’s royal robes. Clad in red and gold, just like he was always destined to be. “When we step out on that balcony, you’re going to be the King... Are you nervous?”
“No.” A simple answer, as he sneaks a quick kiss to the back of his attendant’s hand. Because it was true. What was there to be nervous about with Tooru by his side?
The crown prince can’t believe he was lucky enough to watch this. Watch how the younger boy went from being an awkward little boy with chubby cheeks and even chubbier fingers, with unruly hair and a high-pitched voice to the Tooru now. The Tooru who is taller and even more slender, with even more delicate and prettier features. Voice still sweet and kind.
“Well, you do not have to, my King. You have Advisor Hanamaki and Second Prince Matsukawa by your side. And me. always.” His attendant says, now fixing the elder’s hair, where the crown will sit upon later, not really waiting for a reply, “Unless you decide to get rid of me.”
The prince laughs, intertwining their fingers together and giving each of Tooru’s knuckles a sweet kiss. Muttering “never,” after each press of his lips.
“Then I guess I’m stuck taking care of your ass forever, then.” Tooru grins, beautiful, even brighter than any gold or any diamond or any treasure in the entire kingdom. “I guess someone has to do it.”
“I could have you thrown out of this kingdom on your ass, you insolent servant.” But there was already a beautiful grin on his beautiful face.
The attendant merely throws his head back and laughs, just like he always does, eyes sparkling when he calms down, “No one can throw me out of this kingdom.” Then in a mock whisper, he says, “Don’t tell anyone, but I heard the King loves me more than anything.”
“Then you’re lucky he does.”