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Athena and Bobby’s party is amazing. Since they didn’t have a proper wedding, they decided to go big for their first anniversary and it’s a success.
The Grant-Nash’s back yard looks like something out of a fairy tale or a movie. The fairy lights shining bright against the dark night sky gives the space a romantic atmosphere, enhanced by slow jazz music coming through the speakers placed by the glass door. There are several tables scattered around the backyard with fresh flowers and candles in lanterns and a big table that was used as a buffet a few hours ago on the terrace.
Standing next to it with a glass of champagne in hand, Buck lets his eyes wander across the crowd of couples. As he quietly watches all of his friends dance with their partner, a heavy weight settles in his chest, making it hurt slightly.
Chimney has Maddie’s hand in his as he makes her spin, not paying attention to the music. Hen is holding Karen close to her, swinging slowly from one side to the other. Bobby has Athena’s head on his shoulder as he presses soft kisses on her head. They all seem so in love, so happy, Buck can’t help but feel a little bit jealous. Sometimes, he thinks they all ruined the dating scene for him by setting his expectations so high. Buck isn’t sure he deserves the same thing they have, but he aches for it. He craves something as fun as Maddie and Chimney’s relationship, something as strong as Hen and Karen, something as meaningful as Bobby and Athena…
Love, that’s what Buck truly wants. To love and be loved, unconditionally.
Lost in his thoughts, Buck forces himself to look away before he’s too far gone to shake the loneliness off. His grip tightens around the glass as he observes the rest of the guests. May and Michael are deep in a conversation he doesn’t want to interrupt, the kids are playing inside, and he doesn’t know the rest of the guests that much. So when his eyes meet Eddie’s, Buck leaves them there, lost into a pool of warm amber.
At first, Buck found Athena’s request to dress up stupid but right now, as his eyes travel down Eddie’s face to his body, he wants to thank her. Eddie is wearing a navy suit that hugs his body in all the right places. He’s lost his jacket at some point during the evening, and his shirt is opened more than necessary, revealing his tanned skin. The rolled-up sleeves give him a disheveled look that suits him. Eddie looks relaxed and at ease; it makes Buck’s heart swell with happiness.
When Buck’s eyes meet Eddie’s again, his best friend is still looking at him. The smile tugging at his lips tells Buck that he never stopped staring at him and knows he was checking him out, but he doesn’t even care. Buck holds Eddie’s gaze, one eyebrow raised in challenge. His heart flutters when Eddie’s smile widens, showing pointy canines, before falling into something soft and intimate– more intimate than anything Buck has ever known. It’s an entire conversation packed in a look and a smile.
It’s been happening a lot lately; something has changed between them in a subtle yet so obvious way to Buck. He’s noticed the way Eddie’s body relaxes whenever their knees bump into each other or their shoulders brush, when it used to tense up. Sometimes– intentionally or not, Buck isn’t sure– Eddie is the one scooting closer on the couch or at the table, until some part of their bodies touch. The electricity Buck used to feel at the contact has turned into a fire burning so hot, he knows Eddie must feel it too. If any of that wasn’t proof enough of the sudden turn their relationship took, their gazes don’t leave any room for doubts. It’s even more obvious when it’s only the two of them. Every time, there’s something hanging in the air between them– something that feels like a promise, a chance that both of them are too scared to take.
Tonight, Buck decides he’s done being scared and ignoring whatever is going on between them, ignoring his feelings. Because yes, he’s in love with his best friend and a part of him believes Eddie loves him too. It could be wishful thinking but even if it is, there’s no stopping the consuming need to know.
Tonight, Buck decides to take his chance. For a second, he thinks about walking to Eddie and kissing him, right here, right now, but it might be too much, too soon and the risks are still so high. But tonight, carried by the romantic atmosphere, Buck feels so bold and confident that the usual doubts dancing in his head are gone.
Taking a deep breath, Buck sets his glass down on the table. He crosses the backyard with determined steps, closing the distance between him and Eddie. Deep brown eyes don’t leave him as he gets closer and closer, intense and curious. Buck feels his heart pounding in his chest, echoing in his ears, but he keeps walking until he’s standing in front of Eddie. This close, Buck notices something he hadn’t from where he was standing a few minutes ago: the lonely glint in Eddie’s eyes that clashes with the rest of his body language. It’s the same one Buck has seen in his own eyes while looking at his reflection in a mirror so many times he’s lost count.
“Do… um… Do you want to dance?”
Buck hates how unsure he sounds. He walked to Eddie without a real plan but dancing with him doesn’t sound like a bad one. He’s not sure what he’s looking for nor waiting from this, but he knows he wants to share the moment with Eddie.
Standing face to face with Eddie, Buck feels his determination waver and doubts settle back in his head. However, the bright smile that his best friend offers calms his nerves. Eddie replies without hesitation, as if he’s been waiting for Buck to ask him to dance all night.
“Yes.”
A smile on his face, Buck holds out his hand to Eddie and waits for him to take it. Again, Eddie doesn’t hesitate. His fingers are warm and string around Buck’s hand, and Buck wishes he could hold Eddie’s hand forever. Shaking his head, he chases the cheesy thought away and drags Eddie to the improvised dance floor, ignoring Maddie's knowing smile.
When he stops and turns around, keeping Eddie’s hand in his, Buck doesn’t expect him to be standing so close. Surprised, he lets out a shaky laugh as their chests collide and takes a step back. Eddie laughs too but it dies in his throat as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other nervously. Somehow, Eddie’s nervousness dulls what Buck is feeling; he’s so focused on his best friend that he forgets about everything else.
With a reassuring smile, Buck brings Eddie’s hand on his shoulder and leaves it here. He runs his fingers on his best friend’s arm, up to his shoulder then down his back until his hand settles on Eddie’s waist. Buck feels him shiver at the touch and watches Eddie’s lips part when his breath catches. Eddie doesn’t even try to pretend to be embarrassed by his obvious reaction to Buck’s touch. He keeps his eyes anchored on Buck’s and puts his other hand on Buck’s opposite shoulder, a breathtaking smile tugging at his lips.
Breathing slowly, Buck puts the free hand on the other side of Eddie’s waist, not daring to close the distance between them quite yet. He’s pretty sure they look like middle schoolers who have just been asked not to dance too close by a chaperon, but he doesn’t care; Buck starts moving slowly.
When the jazz music ends, another one starts. It’s a love song, slow and sweet, about never-ending love and happily ever after. As the singer lists all the things they want to do with their lover, Buck can’t help but think that the person he would be singing about if he was the singer is the person he’s sharing this dance with: Eddie. It’s cheesy and ridiculous, but instead of feeling the urge to roll his eyes at himself, warmth spreads through his body, and butterflies flutter in his stomach.
As they keep dancing, Buck can’t tear his eyes off of Eddie; he doesn’t even want to. There’s a soft blush on Eddie’s cheeks and an even softer smile on his lips, private and warm. The intimacy of the moment clashes with the few inches remaining between their bodies but Buck doesn’t move closer. Not because he doesn’t want to or because his doubts are back, but because he’s so lost in the moment it doesn’t even cross his mind. The song goes on and it’s just him and Eddie, sharing this dance. It’s something special and precious, a moment out of time, and Buck wishes it would last forever.
Nothing has ever felt so right.
After a little while, Eddie ends up being the one closing the distance between them. Buck only realizes it when he feels Eddie’s fast heartbeat vibrating through his own chest and the soft brush of warm fingers on the nape of his neck. Around them, the world vanishes completely and Eddie becomes Buck’s entire world, overtaking his senses. Eddie’s familiar scent feels like home, sweet and welcoming. His fingers keep moving against Buck’s skin, soft and tender. Amber eyes have never been so beautiful and warm. Even the music fades and all Buck can hear is their hearts, beating perfectly in sync.
Somehow, it still doesn't feel enough for Buck; he needs more. More of this, more of Eddie. Before he can think about what he’s doing, he leans in and presses his forehead against Eddie’s. His eyes flutter closed as their noses brush lightly. Their lips are so close; Buck feels his tingle in anticipation, begging him to kiss Eddie.
Buck has never really believed in ‘the right time’; from his experiences, it only leads to regrets and missed opportunities. But right now, as he dances with Eddie to one of the best love songs he’s ever heard, in the most romantic setting he’s ever seen in real life… Right now feels like the right time, the perfect time. So he locks his arms around Eddie’s waist and pulls him even closer. He feels Eddie’s laugh vibrate in his own chest, filling it with the warmest feeling ever: love.
Eddie’s hands softly go from the nape of Buck’s neck to his jaw, thumbs stroking his cheekbones. He isn’t sure which one of them initiates the kiss but one second they are so close they’re breathing the same air and the next, they stop breathing, lips pressed together. Buck wants to believe that their kiss is a shared first step toward something meaningful and beautiful.
Ever since Eddie joined the one-eighteen, kissing him is something Buck has thought about but the reality is miles away from everything he’s imagined; it’s more. It’s not rushed and impatient, but slow and timid yet ecstatic.
Eddie tastes like chocolate and champagne against his lips and Buck revels in it. When Eddie is the one deepening the kiss, his tongue brushing against Buck’s lips then sliding past them, a heavenly buzzing settles under Buck’s skin. It’s like a multitude of butterflies flying off his belly and spreading across his entire body. Oddly, Buck’s heart isn’t hammering in his chest anymore; his heartbeat is calm and steady. For the first time ever, he feels like his heart and mind are on the same wavelength, at peace, and in harmony.
Buck’s heart is so full of happiness that he can’t help but smile into the kiss. Quickly, his smile turns into a small laugh that he can’t stop as he slightly pulls away from Eddie. He rests his forehead against Eddie’s but Eddie puts more distance between their faces. When he opens his eyes, Buck’s met with a confused squint that only makes his laughter worse.
“Can you stop laughing?” Eddie looks a bit offended and his hands fall to his sides.
Buck presses his lips together in a vain attempt to calm down. “Sorry.”
“Wh–” Eddie starts but stops himself, his mouth hanging open as he takes a step back. “Are you drunk?”
“No,” Buck instantly replies and the thought that Eddie could be cuts his laughter short. “Are you?”
“No,” Eddie shakes his head.
“Then,” Buck begins, taking a step forward while looking at Eddie through thick eyelashes, “can I kiss you again?”
Buck watches a bright smile spreading across his face but Eddie doesn’t answer, not with words at least. Pressing their bodies together, Eddie wraps his arms around Buck’s neck as Buck puts his hands on the small of his back. Buck’s eyes flutter closed as Eddie leans in for another kiss.
As they keep dancing and kissing, Buck decides that this is worth taking all the risks in the world. Tonight, he was brave and took a chance. Tonight he embraced his feelings and stopped hiding them. A part of him wishes he had done it sooner but the other part knows that if it feels so good and freeing, it’s because he gave it time. And the time with Eddie he lost? It doesn’t matter, he’s got a lifetime to make up for it.