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It was after one particularly long day when Jim Kirk stepped into his quarters and stopped to consider the view before him. Officially they were still his quarters, but he had more or less been sharing them with his First Officer (boyfriend, Jim thought somewhat giddily) for almost six months now. Said First Officer was currently sitting on his (their) bed, reading something from his padd. His posture, as always, was perfectly straight, but Jim knew him well enough to notice all the subtle signs of relaxation. He had changed out of his uniform, and the way his eyes scanned the padd made Jim think that he wasn't reading anything work related.
"Jim, are you feeling well?" Spock had paused his reading and was now watching Jim expectantly. It had taken some time for Spock to stop calling him Captain when they weren't on duty, but now the transition between their two roles was so effortless that Jim rarely even paid attention to it. Well, if his heart still beat a little bit faster every time Spock called him Jim, it wasn't like anyone needed to know that. Especially Bones. He could almost hear Bones in his head, yelling about reckless starship captains who were stupid enough to fall in love with green-blooded hobgoblins.
...oh.
In love.
He was in love with Spock.
Neither of them enjoyed talking about their feelings, so after the acknowledgement of their mutual attraction they had just fallen into this thing. Jim simply thought of it as dating, but Spock probably called it something really old-fashioned. Like courting.
The point was, they hadn't actually talked about their feelings. Logically (and wouldn't Spock just love that) Jim knew they were both in this for the long haul, but still, realizing it like this was scary. He hadn't said 'I love you' to anyone, except maybe to his mother years ago. And once to Bones, but they were both drunk at the time so it didn't really count, did it?
"Jim?" Spock sounded like he had been repeating Jim's name a few times.
Jim blinked.
"Jim, what are you-"
"I am so in love with you." The words were rushing out of his mouth before he even had time to think about it. And they didn't stop there. "I know it's kind of sudden, but I needed to tell you that now. You don't have to say anything back, we're fine as we are. We're more than fine, actually. I just realized how fine we are. I can trust you with my life and I have fun with you every day. Being with you is the most fun I've ever had. I know we haven't really talked about it, but you're it for me, Spock. I love you. And you know, I was always afraid of saying that, but it's almost funny how easy that was. Except maybe now I'm panicking a bit, because I need you to say something, I know I said you don't have to say anything back but please, say something."
Jim could swear Spock's cheeks were a bit greener than usual when he finished his little impromptu speech, but he was too distracted to appreciate it properly.
"Jim", Spock's voice was soft when he finally spoke. "Would you please sit down?"
Jim, who hadn't moved from the doorway, approached him hesitantly. He sat down on the bed next to Spock and smiled faintly when Spock immediately extended two fingers. Their hands touched, and Jim felt himself calming down. This was Spock, panicking was ridiculous.
If only Spock would say something.
Spock appeared to be collecting his thoughts or something, as he was staring their still connected fingers. Jim fidgeted and opened his mouth to... Well, he didn't actually know what he was going to say, but Spock's silence made him nervous again.
"Be quiet, Jim."
Jim snapped his mouth shut. He could totally be quiet, if Spock needed more time to think. At least for five minutes. After five minutes he would have to run to the med bay and ask Bones to hide him. Bones would probably grumble and complain for a week or two, but they had been friends for years. He would get over it.
Luckily it was less than five minutes later when Spock spoke. "Jim, forgive me. It would seem that I have not made my intentions clear to you and I apologize for that."
Oh, fuck. Jim knew he shouldn't have said anything, they hadn't even officially called each other boyfriends or anything, it was all just in his head, and yeah sure, they spent almost every night together but it didn't actually mean anything, it was just convenient because most of the time they were too tired to move after sex. Now Spock would say this had been a mistake, that they had been a mistake. He had probably a perfect Vulcan wife picked out, Jim had been reading about Vulcan culture so he knew about the whole arranged marriages thing. Or at least some parts of it, it had felt like the text were missing some crucial information about the wedding ceremony. He had actually been meaning to ask Spock about it, but now it would be too late for that. It was too late to do anything.
"...and yes, I love you as well."
Wait. What?
"I'm sorry, could you maybe repeat that?" he asked in a voice that really wasn't higher than his normal speaking voice, absolutely not.
Anyone else would have probably sighed, but Spock just calmly repeated what Jim had in his panic missed.
"I said that I am sorry if there has been a misunderstanding considering our relationship and my intentions. This is not, as you phrased it, 'sudden'. In fact, I have been in love with you for quite some time now. I am gratified that you feel the same way and felt the need to voice your feelings, but I had thought we had an agreement. After all, we have been sharing your quarters for approximately 5.78 months."
Jim was speechless. He had no words. The gift of speech had left him. So obviously the only thing left to do was to kiss Spock.
And oh boy, it was probably their best kiss so far. They had had their fair share of kisses, of course, but this one left them both breathless and clinging to each other. The knowledge that this wasn't their last kiss, that it was just one of the many, many kisses to come, made Jim laugh out loud. Spock raised his eyebrow (the left one, the one Jim actually liked more), but didn't comment on his Captain's obvious mirth.
"Say it again", Jim ordered.
"Say what again, Jim?"
"You know what."
"I can only speculate, since you did not specify what part of my speech you wanted to hear again."
"Spock, please."
"I love you."
After that, neither of them said anything in a long, long time. Except maybe "oh yes, right there" and "harder, Spock" and "Jim".
---
Later, when Jim was curled around Spock like an octopus he secretly was, a thought came to him.
"Spock?"
"Yes?" Spock sounded like he was half-asleep, which didn't happen often, Jim was almost always the first one to fall asleep, and wasn't that just the cutest thing ever? Jim almost forgot what he was saying.
"Mmm? Oh, right. It's just that I only now realized what you said. Or rather what you didn't say."
Spock made an inquiring sound, the lack of words proving how tired he really was.
"You said that you have been in love with me for quite some time now. No decimals for me?"
Jim felt the Vulcan heart skip a beat. Spock didn't sound nearly as sleepy as before when he replied, using his best 'Captain, you are being ridiculous' voice: "Like I said, it has been quite some time. There is no need to specify it any further."
"You're no fun."
"On the contrary. I am, as you put it 'the most fun you've ever had'."
Jim was pretty sure he was still laughing when they both fell asleep and he knew Spock was snickering in his own, Vulcan way. It didn't involve any facial expressions, but he knew his boyfriend.
Poor Spock thought he was that easily distracted. He would get the story out of him, eventually. After at least eight hours of sleep.
They had time.