Chapter Text
[In an abandoned computer room, the Science Team has taken shelter for a rest. One by one, they awaken, Gordon being last to rise.
Tommy has to shake him a bit to wake him.
Tommy looks from Benrey, who is sitting on the ground, back to Gordon as he groggily sits up.]
TOMMY: Was Benrey looking for your passport, Mr Freeman?
GORDON: When-What? When? What did he do? Oh god, what did he do?
TOMMY: He kept touching your face!
GORDON: Benrey. Were you touching my face? Like, when I was asleep? Is that what we’re
doing now?
BENREY: you have a-a face, i was checking.
GORDON: You were checking if I had a face? You couldn’t tell by looking?
COOMER: Hello Gordon!
GORDON: Hello Dr. Coomer-Benrey, were you-
BENREY: tommy was scared you didn’t.
GORDON: Tommy, is that true?
TOMMY: No! I’m scared but I know you have a face!
GORDON: So you’re lying, you’re lying to my face, which I have.
TOMMY: Are we fighting?
GORDON: No, Tommy.
TOMMY: I don’t understand what’s going on!
BUBBY: Well, Tommy, when two people like each other-
GORDON: I don’t like him.
BUBBY: -they may want to stay close to each other-
GORDON: I hate him.
BUBBY: -and when one touches the other’s face-
GORDON: I wish he was dead.
BUBBY: -and that’s how babies are made.
GORDON: I don’t-Can you please stop lying to Tommy? For a second?
COOMER: Some babies are grown in big tubes! Isn’t that right, Bubby?
BUBBY: Yes!
[Gordon rubs his temples, turning back towards Benrey. He is floating in the air, now “sitting” on a pigeon.]
GORDON: You’re awfully quiet. See, I’m not convinced that you weren’t planning something. Whatever the hell could possibly involve touching my face.
BENREY: routine inspection.
[Bubby shoots the pigeon.]
GORDON: Do I even want to-Do I even want to ask why you did that? Bubby?
BUBBY: Accidentally loaded, prepared, and shot my gun!
BENREY: we need to make sure your face uh doesn’t break the rules
GORDON: And there’s no rule against touching my face?
TOMMY: It said that touching your face was encouraged!
GORDON: Who said that. Who is telling people to touch my goddamn face?
TOMMY: I wasn’t paying attention, I saw a big snail!
COOMER: Effervescent!
GORDON: Can you three sit in the corner for a second?
[Gordon motions them to shoo]
GORDON: I need to talk to Benrey.
[Tommy, Coomer, and Bubby huddle across the room, watching from their peripheral vision.
Gordon kneels down to be level and make eye contact while Benrey remains sat on the ground, now covered in pigeon blood.]
GORDON: Benrey. Barney. Whatever your name is. Be real with me.
BENREY: i’m not real.
GORDON: I’m not sure if you are either, man, but just be honest with me.
GORDON: What the hell is wrong with you.
BENREY: well what’s wrong with you-
GORDON: We’re not talking about me, we’re-
BENREY: i let you in here and now you’re acting weird.
GORDON: I’m acting weird.
BENREY: yeah.
GORDON : I’M acting weird?
BENREY: see look what you did.
[Benrey points at the other members of the Science Team, who appear to be deep in a recital of an article about flatworms, but still keeping a side-eye.]
BENREY: you scared them off.
GORDON: I ASKED them politely to go over there.
BENREY: it’s contagious. i’m getting scared of you too.
GORDON : They’re not scared of me-Why would YOU be scared of me? I just watched you try to eat one of those bigass spider things.
BENREY: i don’t know i just look at you and feel like i’m going to vomit
GORDON: Are you sure that’s not because you tried to eat an alien spider?
BENREY: i’ve never felt fear before
BENREY: maybe i wouldn’t be scared of you if you had your passport
GORDON: Always back-Always back to the passport, it’s all passports with you.
[Gordan buries his face in his hands for a moment, then inhales and exhales.]
GORDON: You don’t look very scared.
BENREY: i am
GORDON: No bullshit, give me one good reason why you’d be touching my face while I sleep. I have had it up to here with your shit, with you fucking with me constantly, and all I want-
BENREY: are you mad
GORDON: -all I want, is to know why the fuck-
BENREY: you seem pretty mad bro
GORDON: -You know what? Yeah. YEAH, I’m mad. Everyone everywhere has been trying to play games with me, but you specifically are just-
BENREY: maybe if your face wasn’t pretty i wouldn’t touch it
GORDON: -absolutely insufferab-What?
BENREY:
BENREY: huh?
GORDON: What the fuck did you just say to me?
BENREY: i think you need to calm down
GORDON: You can’t just-
BENREY: i didn’t say anything
GORDON: Yes, you DID!
[The scientists turn their heads fully. The eavesdropping has paid off.]
GORDON: I have been having the worst work day of my life and all you can think about is my face being pretty?
COOMER: Right again, Bubby! Sounds like Benrey has a little crush!
BUBBY: Aww~
GORDON: We are two grown men-
COOMER: Isn’t young love beautiful?
GORDON: I am going on my thirties-Not sure about Benrey, I think he might surpass the concept of time-
GORDON: Ok, look. We’re all adults here. A compliment does not mean anything, and we have much more important things to do than this. This is nothing. Right, Benrey?
[Gordon looks back to Benrey for confirmation. Benrey is blushing a little.]
GORDON: Oh for the love of fucking-Benrey stop that. Stop. Stop.
BENREY: stop what
GORDON: THE FUCKING-That! You’re getting embarrassed and it’s making everything worse!
BENREY: this is a threat display
BENREY: means if you eat me you’ll die
GORDON: You’re not a fucking frog it doesn’t work like that.
[Coomer is tinkering with some scrap metal.]
COOMER: If I do this right, we may be able to add the sexual tension to TvTropes without a computer!
BUBBY: Great idea!
GORDON: There’s no tension-Ok, I’m sick of this. I’m sick of you all. Not you Tommy, but everyone else.
BENREY: don’t touch my tvtropes section
BENREY: it’s all i have left
BENREY: nobody will ever understand me without a-a grocery list. a grocery list of things that vaguely apply to me.
GORDON: I don’t even know what we’re talking about right now.
[Gordon stands up.]
GORDON: Ok, we’ve rested enough. Stop talking about flatworms and shit, we need to get to the Facility, okay?
[The Science Team rises to their feet, Coomer still attempting to access TvTropes from a glorified aluminum foil ball.]
[Coomer, Bubby, and Tommy take the lead off, leaving Gordon and Benrey to themselves for a moment]
GORDON: ...Ok, Benrey?
GORDON: Do me a huge favor and stuff all your emotions down until we get out of here. I’ll give you my passport, you can do whatever you need to do, right now we’re in mortal peril.
BENREY: kay
GORDON: And, man. You are a terrible liar. Learn to shut up sometimes.
BENREY: you’ll have to make me
BENREY: the hard way
GORDON:
BENREY:
GORDON:
BENREY : the hard w-
GORDON: No, I get it. I get it. Funny.
BENREY: it’s pretty funny
GORDON: Whatever you say, man.
BENREY: i have the perfect Sweet Voice to make you laugh at my joke
[Gordon and Benrey finally begin walking to catch up with the team. Gordon turns his head to hide a smile.]
GORDON: I hate you so fucking much.