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Jin Guangyao attempted to kill Nie Mingjue.
Jin Guangyao had also betrayed Lan Xichen.
Jin Guangyao stole from forbidden knowledge the Cloud Recesses - a cardinal rule, one that no doubt reflected back on the quality of Lan Xichen’s judgement, too. The Jade supposed all of Lianfang-Zun’s actions would come back to him in some capacity, but for the love of him, Xichen could not regret comforting Jin Guangyao. For a moment so fleeting, after what may have been an eternity of stress - surely, the consequences of his actions would be something Zewu-Jun could bear.
Like excising a wound, confession after confession - a stream of secrets which tried at Jin Guangyao’s nerves, rendered the stiff-lipped advisor to tears and broken-pleas. Lan Xichen wished to null the pain, but the weight of Jin Guangyao’s secrets was something he had never imagined.
It was naive to think otherwise, and Lan Xichen knew better than to hope, yet he did. The man only wanted to believe that Jin Guangyao was what he so desperately presented himself to be. Fair, righteous, cool-headed and good. A man whose worth was more than the circumstances of his birth - a symbol that one’s station at the start of life could never determine their fate.
A voice begged that it was never a facade. Guangyao was never unfair; he only ever strove in a world that had spurned him at first blush. How could it be unfair, to work tirelessly at attaining the full value of one’s worth? How could it be wrong for a son to wish for his father’s affection? Was entitlement so wretched - to wish for something so natural, so simple as family? The Jins could afford every majesty of the world, yet to embrace the hero of Sunshot? No, never.
Jin Guangyao burned within Lan Xichen’s arms, his heart pounding almost uncomfortably so. It struck Lan Xichen that the fear his love knew was something he was not exempt from - perhaps, despite his affections, Jin Guangyao would never feel safe.
And a new, higher voice concurred: Jin Guangyao conspired to kill Nie Mingjue. He comforted Huaisang in earnest, only moments after playing that cursed song for their sworn brother. The damage could be irreversible. Truth would devastate. Reconciliation was beyond reasonable possibility.
— Don’t leave me, don’t leave me…
Lan Xichen held the fretful body closer, if only to convince himself otherwise.
“You’re my dearest friend, Er-Ge. Please, please-”
The Jade kissed the crown of his flushed, cold head. Held him closer, as if Jin Guangyao’s tears did not burn like boiling oil.
“I wouldn’t hold you now only to abandon you tomorrow, A-Yao.” Lan Xichen tried his hand at confidence, but even then, Guangyao shook his head in denial. It was difficult to maintain himself.
“I only want to see you well, A-Yao. I love you, I would never betray this.”
— They’ll ruin you, Er-Ge. Da-Ge would never forgive me, Huaisang won’t bear the grief. Have you no shame, Xichen? Even now, I dirty you with these hateful tears.
Jin Guangyao’s eyes were bright in a way only anguish can procure, so solemn in their beauty - how could this man not see how painful it was, to hurt him so?
The wind blew cold. It scattered Jin Guangyao’s hair into further disarray and helped dry the tear-stains on Lan Xichen’s robes. Moonlight had his skin at a youthful glow, the flush of his cheeks something which made Lan Xichen’s heart fuzzy in shame. The distance between them did not seem so far, even as Jin Guangyao pulled himself further it was easy to lull him back - so easy.
It was cold, but to hold Jin Guangyao in such a way, the worries in Lan Xichen’s heart melted. He felt warm. No matter the consequences of this night, no matter the ire which would surely find their way, Lan Xichen found himself righteous. For the love of him, Lan Xichen wanted nothing more.