Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time, Obi-Wan is one hundred percent certain he’d made it up in his head.

It’s said in passing, Obi-Wan walking one way down to their quarters and Anakin walking the other way. It’s common for them to pass each other with their different schedules, especially now that the Clone War’s have begun. In honesty, Obi-Wan hadn’t actually realised that Anakin had gotten back from Kashyyyk yet.

But he looks busy, so Obi-Wan doesn’t stop as he just smiles at Anakin and nods at him, expecting the usual nod back. Sometimes there will be a hello, but it’s not uncommon for them to just simply greet each other in silence.

It seems Anakin has a different idea as he comes to a halt. His eyebrows are pinched together, almost as if he’s in pain, and Obi-Wan trails to a stop as he reaches out to grip Anakin’s shoulder tightly.

“Are you alright, Anakin?” he asks gently, and Anakin frowns deeply before he nods his head and forces his face into a smile.

“Yes,” he replies, and he grips Obi-Wan’s hand that’s sitting on his shoulder. “Sorry, I’ve just been thinking.”

“Careful,” Obi-Wan jokes, “you might hurt yourself.”

Anakin smiles, genuinely smiles this time before he swats at Obi-Wan with his free hand. “I heard you had a run-in with Dooku on Felucia,” he changes the topic.

“Something like that,” Obi-Wan winces. He’s been back for a few days now and he did get medical help on the ship as he’d left the planet, but he still walks with a slight limp and his back aches from falling down a rather large ravine. “He got away, unfortunately, but I’m sure there will be another-”

“Never mind him,” Anakin cuts him off, and he steps forward into Obi-Wan’s space. It’s a bit alarming to have Anakin so close, and Obi-Wan doesn’t recognise the sudden feeling crashing over him as Anakin crowds right into his space and takes up most of the air he’s breathing. “Are you okay?”

His mouth remains open as he tries to find his words, and he clears his throat before he nods. “I’m fine,” he tries to reassure Anakin, his voice perhaps a little higher than it should be, not that Anakin will notice. “It’ll take more than a drop down a ravine to finish me.”

Anakin’s eyes widen, and Obi-Wan sucks in a sharp breath at the anger behind them. “He pushed you down a ravine?” Anakin says slowly, his jaw locking in anger as he shakes his head. Obi-Wan is used to Anakin's usual dramatics, but this seems genuinely sincere as he reaches out and takes one of Obi-Wan’s wrists in his hands, fingers pressing tightly against his palm.

“Well, it was more of a lapse in judgment on my part,” Obi-Wan tries to recover, and he gives Anakin’s arm a little shake, to reassure him or dislodge the vice-like grip Anakin has on his wrist is undecided. “I thought there was more to the cliff but it turns out there wasn’t. It’s fine though, a soak in the bacta tank on the way back fixed up most of the breaks.”

“Breaks?” Anakin repeats, his voice a little too loud. Obi-Wan purses his lips. Perhaps that wasn’t the right thing to say either.

“Look, I’m all healed up, Anakin,” Obi-Wan points out as he shifts around to show Anakin how alright he really is. He makes sure not to react to the twinge of pain his back lets out at the twisting movement, but Anakin’s eyes narrow anyway so maybe he didn’t hide it well enough. In any case, he seems to have at least calm some of Anakin’s worries as he lets out a loud sigh and shakes Obi-Wan’s arm.

“Thank the Force for that then,” Anakin mutters a bit darkly before he gives Obi-Wan a small strained smile. “I don’t know what I would ever do if I lost you.”

Obi-Wan blinks stupidly for a long moment, trying to process what he just heard. Never has Anakin said something as… forward as that before, and his mouth nearly drops open in complete surprise.

It’s only because some part of him registers that what Anakin said wasn’t in Basic, it sounded like Ubese actually with its deep sounds and guttural use of the throat, that Obi-Wan doesn’t comment past a stilted “what?” that just has Anakin’s smile turning brighter as he claps Obi-Wan on the shoulders.

“Must away,” he says in a rush, the mood between them having completely changed into something that Obi-Wan isn’t too sure he recognises, “before Master Windu tans my hide for being late to our debriefing.”

He turns then, leaving Obi-Wan standing speechless in the corridor as he hurries away towards the debriefing wing of the Temple. Obi-Wan watches him go, unable to blink until Anakin disappears around a corner with a quick grin and wave over his shoulder. Obi-Wan can’t move for a long moment, just stares at the space Anakin had stood in as his brain moves into over-drive trying to process what just happened, before something in him kicks him into gear and he makes his way back to their quarters on wobbly legs.

All the while thinking, what the hell?

…

Quinlan thinks it's hilarious.

“Look,” he says around a rather disgusting mouthful of bantha steak, it nearly makes Obi-Wan not want to eat his own, “Skywalker has always been stranger than the rest of us-”

“Speak for yourself,” Obi-Wan mutters and avoids the kick Quinlan tries to give him under the table.

“-but do you really think he would just start confessing these kinds of things to you after all this time? Especially in another language?” Quinlan’s eyebrows go up as if to make his point, and Obi-Wan flicks him an irritated look.

“I know what I heard,” he insists, and Quinlan narrows his eyes as he waves the bit of meat on the end of his fork in Obi-Wan’s face, and Obi-Wan stomps back the urge to reach out and rip it from his hands. He doubts very much that Dex would enjoy having bantha steak plastered on the walls of his diner though, even if Obi-Wan apologises.

“Or is it wishful thinking?” Quinlan asks, unaware of Obi-Wan’s growing irritability, and he twirls the fork around his ear and the piece of meat goes flying. It hits a rather angry and large Wookie behind them, and Obi-Wan mouths an apology his way when he lets out an annoyed growl. “You know, you did get a pretty nasty bang to the head on Felucia,” Quinlan continues without care. “Maybe you’re hallucinating your deepest darkest desires?”

“My deepest what?”

Quinlan grins, tilts his head to the side as he gestures at Obi-Wan with his fork. “You can’t tell me that you haven’t had a wandering eye for Skywalker. I’ve seen the way you look at him.” He leans forward, dropping the fork onto his plate with a clang. “So maybe that drop down the ravine messed with your brain a bit more than we were all thinking.”

“I know what I heard,” Obi-Wan reinforces with a terse tone but Quinlan just shrugs as he leans back in his seat and kicks his dirty boots up onto the table, rolling his eyes when Obi-Wan reaches over to try and push them down.

“All I’m saying,” he continues, “is that maybe you should consider another visit to Chief Healer Che and check to make sure that you’re-”

“Quinlan,” Obi-Wan snaps, hissing across the table and resisting the urge to raise his voice lest he creates a scene. “I know what I heard and I know what Anakin said. I’m not going crazy.”

Quinlan holds up his hands in surrender, looking like Obi-Wan has bitten him. “Alright,” he submits. “Okay, so if you heard what you think you heard, what does that mean then?”

That’s the thing, Obi-Wan thinks bitterly. He doesn’t know what it means. Anakin has always been more soft and gentle than the other Jedi, more open with his emotions and he gets attached rather quickly. It’s a mix of being raised for such a long time by his mother before joining the order and Obi-Wan’s own inability to stomp out those emotions despite Mace Windu’s absolute insistence that it must be done.

Obi-Wan could never hurt Anakin, no matter what anyone ordered or didn’t order.

“I don’t know,” he admits, and Quinlan hums in response. Obi-Wan picks at his food, rolling some peas around his plate. He’s barely eaten, most of that attributed to the pain medication he’s on creating a lack of appetite, but also his stomach is still doing something odd after the encounter with Anakin and he really doesn’t want to focus on it all that much.

But it gets worse when he remembers the words Anakin had said in Ubese, definitely Ubese and, even though he hasn’t practiced the language in a long long time, he can still remember the twist of the tongue and the harsh words on Anakin’s lips.

“It’s not like Ubese is even romantic either,” Quinlan points out, and Obi-Wan huffs with frustration as he kicks his friend under the table.

…

The second time is when they’re in the middle of training.

Quinlan and Aayla are with them, so Obi-Wan is positive that he doesn’t make it up this time. They’re not sparring all together, but the other two are watching as Obi-Wan drills Anakin on the use of Soresu combat. Anakin has always practiced Djem So where Obi-Wan has stayed using Soresu after leaving Ataru behind with Qui-Gon’s death, but Anakin needs more variation in his duelling style. Obi-Wan uses bits from all seven combat styles, but Anakin does not, leading to him being too predictable for Obi-Wan’s liking.

“More dodging, Anakin,” he says as he swings for Anakin’s chest and Anakin meets him with his blade and starts a counter strike. Obi-Wan blocks him and pushes him back with a heave. “Soresu is about defence.”

“But Djem So is about attack,” Anakin practically whines. “Why should I learn the complete opposite? Won’t it just confuse me?”

Obi-Wan’s eyebrows go up, and Anakin gives him a large grin. “Stop being a brat,” Obi-Wan scolds, and Anakin laughs before he swings into his readying stance. Obi-Wan does the same before he charges forward to begin his assault.

Quinlan calls out from the sideline every now and again to critique their footwork as they move through the motions, and Obi-Wan can feel a small bead of sweat building on his hairline from the relentlessness of his attacks. Anakin looks just as tired but still manages to continue defending, barely stepping back into his Djem So form as he gives Soresu his all.

“How about a two on two?” Aayla asks when the two breakaway panting. Obi-Wan looks up as she stands with a smile and activates her two lightsabers, twirling them in her hands before she drops into her own readying stance. “Anakin would do well to fight against another who practices Djem So.”

Obi-Wan agrees with that. He’s not well-versed in the combat style so he’s probably not done as good a job as he could’ve, but Aayla is practically a master by now and Obi-Wan admits he’d love to see Anakin get his ass handed to him by another Djem So practitioner.

“Sounds good to me,” Quinlan agrees as he ignites his green lightsaber. He swings it around a couple of times as he grins at Obi-Wan. “Reckon you can handle it, old man?”

“You’re older than me,” Obi-Wan mutters as he falls back beside Anakin. Quinlan just grins more as he steps up beside his old padawan. There’s a stilted silence as they all stare at one another, waiting to see who will make the first move, before Aayla leads the charge.

He focuses more on himself than Anakin, admittedly, mainly worried because Quinlan seems like he’s determined to cut Obi-Wan’s ankles off if not his head. His Vaapad technique is the one that Master Mace Windu had created alongside Master Sora Bulq. It’s a particularly bloodthirsty style of combat, called the Ferocity Form for a reason, and Quinlan is not holding back at all as he presses his all into Obi-Wan’s defence.

What he does get to see is of Anakin is impressive though. Anakin, despite not being overly great at Soresu, is practicing it well against Aayla’s attacks. She’s overpowering in her assault against Anakin, but he manages to hold up against her well enough to even sometimes get his own odd strike in. He’s remaining non-aggressive though, and Obi-Wan feels a swell of pride in his chest.

It dissipates in a flash though as Quinlan lets out a yell in Twi’leki that has Aayla pushing Anakin away with her own cry before both of them are suddenly charging at Obi-Wan. Three lightsabers come flying towards him at once, and Obi-Wan’s eyes widen as he throws his up own to try and catch them.

He only catches one of Aayla’s though, green clashing with blue, and he manages to just dodge her blue one as it whistles past his ear before Quinlan’s green lightsaber arcs towards his other side. He realises he can’t pull his lightsaber out from under Aayla’s assault and he’s stepped out of the way of her other attack directly into Quinlan’s, and he lets out a grunt of surprise.

It turns to a yelp though as suddenly he’s being thrown to the ground, Anakin having slammed into him to push him out of the way of Quinlan’s assault, and they crash to the floor in a heap of sprawling limbs. Obi-Wan, surprisingly, doesn’t get crushed though as Anakin artfully twists them to land on their sides and cushions Obi-Wan’s head gently with his hand.

There’s a stunned silence for a moment as Obi-Wan watches Anakin wince where he lies facing him while Quinlan and Aayla rush towards them just to hover over top in surprise. He catches his breath as he waits for Anakin’s eyes to pop open and, when he does, Obi-Wan smiles as soft blue eyes look back at him.

“That’s not any form I know of,” Obi-Wan says, and he lets out a small hurried laugh while Anakin grimaces as he shifts a little closer to Obi-Wan.

“A bit of improv never hurt anyone, especially when Vos looked like he was going to behead you,” Anakin says with a rough smile before he leans in close, buts their foreheads gently together for a short moment. “You know I’d do anything for you.”

Obi-Wan freezes again, and he hears Quinlan choke on air above him. Once again though, he’s registered that Anakin didn’t speak Basic at all, and the way he keeps smiling at Obi-Wan makes him think that Anakin clearly believes that Obi-Wan doesn’t understand Mando’a either. He gives Anakin a puzzled look, and while he knows its because he’s trying to process what the hell Anakin just said, it’s clear Anakin takes it as he’s gotten away with saying something so…personal, as he gives Obi-Wan another grin before he starts to pull them to their feet.

As soon as he’s up, Obi-Wan glances at Quinlan and sees he’s standing with a thunderstruck look on his face. At least this time Obi-Wan had someone else hear it, and he gives Quinlan a filthy look for doubting him last time.

“Again, yeah?” Anakin asks as he picks up his fallen lightsaber and twirls it around in his hand as he activates it. Aayla raises her eyebrows at him, the only one oblivious to what has just happened. “My turn to show you Djem So.”

Aayla grins at him as she turns on her own lightsabers and immediately flings herself towards Anakin, and Obi-Wan is thankful for the distraction as he sidles up beside Quinlan.

“Believe me now,” he says a little petulantly, and Quinlan gives an awkward cough.

…

“Do you actually think he knows what he was saying?” Quinlan asks him a week later as he kicks his feet up on top of the dashboard of the ship, “or do you think he’s just spouting bullshit?”

Obi-Wan groans and wonders just why there were never ejector seats installed in all the ships. They would prove incredibly useful right now.

Its been a week, or thereabout anyway, since the incident with Anakin during training. Admittedly, and embarrassingly, Obi-Wan is thankful for the Clone Wars to be happening at this time. It gives him an opportunity to run far away from Anakin for at least the next month or so, just for time to think at the very least.

The downside is that he’s being sent to Mandalore on his latest mission, with Quinlan accompanying him, and the asshole just won’t shut the hell up.

“You know,” Obi-Wan starts up, speaking overtop of Quinlan’s insistent dialogue, “we should probably be talking about what we might see when we get to Mandalore.”

“We already know what we’ll see,” Quinlan says briskly. “You’ve heard the rumours that the Separatists have created a base of operations. there. We’re just going to confirm it.” He clears his throat. “But what we don’t know is what Skywalker meant-”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Quin,” Obi-Wan interrupts gruffly. “I thought you’d have gotten that from my silence.”

“I can’t tell the difference between your broody silence and frustrated silence anymore,” Quinlan points out, resilient as ever to Obi-Wan’s telling offs. He kicks out with one of his boots to nudge Obi-Wan’s knee. “Anyway, what do you think he meant? Reckon he’s serious?”

Obi-Wan bites the inside of his cheek hard enough that it hurts. He doesn’t want to be talking about this kind of thing. Even if Anakin meant what he said or knew what he said or whatever else Quinlan has been asking it’s irrelevant.

“He wasn’t,” Obi-Wan mutters as he shoves Quinlan’s foot away, and Quinlan sighs dramatically beside him.

“What if he was though?” he continues to push. “Do you want him to be? I know that you two are close, closer than any Jedi that I’ve seen before. There’s a connection there that I don’t think anyone has ever felt with another.”

Obi-Wan shakes his head, unable to say a word. The idea that Anakin may be serious? That there could be something more between them? He quickly tramples the thoughts back down, shoving them back where they belong, unasked and unanswered. This is not something he should ever be thinking about.

“Maybe you would be good for each other,” Quinlan is continuing to say, ignorant to Obi-Wan’s internal battle. “You’re like two sides of the same coin,” he laughs, “what an overused term. I see what they mean by it now. You and Anakin… you’re-”

“A team,” Obi-Wan snaps, glaring over at Quinlan. “We’re a team. Teams are supposed to work well together.”

Quinlan just smiles at him though, raises his eyebrows as he leans across the distance between them. “No,” he insists, “you two have something more. It’s been there for a long time, Obi-Wan. Maybe it’s time to start looking that little bit closer.”

He can feel the panic starting to build in his chest, rearing up as the tendrils start to crawl up the back of his neck. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, and he grits his teeth firmly as he rolls his shoulders and breaths thinly through his nose.

“It doesn’t matter,” he eventually scolds Quinlan. “Jedi aren't supposed to feel that way, platonically or non-platonically-”

“Definitely not platonic,” Quinlan mutters and Obi-Wan shoots him a dark look.

“-and there is no reason for us to be reading into anything that Anakin says. He knows the rules, we know the rules, so all of this speculation and consideration is doing nothing but making absolute fools out of us and him as well as violating the rules of the Jedi code. We stop now before we stumble across something that we can’t take back, understood?”

Quinlan is looking at him, Obi-Wan can feel his gaze but he keeps his jaw square as he looks resolutely ahead. The lines from hyperspace make him feel a little sick as he looks at them, but he prefers it over Quinlan’s questions and theories that are making his head spin. Every thought has meshed together though, and he grits his teeth as he forces everything to the back of his mind.

Eventually, Quinlan huffs and looks away, the conversation over, and Obi-Wan convinces himself that’s a good thing.

…

The third time is, in honesty, probably Obi-Wan’s fault.

He’s been avoiding Anakin for a few weeks now, taking on mission after mission just to stay away from Coruscant. A handful is with Quinlan, something that Obi-Wan can’t keep away from now that Windu has decided that Jedi General’s tend to work better in pairs and specific pairs assigned by himself and Master Yoda at that, but thankfully Quinlan has kept mostly quiet on the situation with Anakin. Obi-Wan would say the space has given him time to think, but that’s a lie. Frankly, he’s just tried to avoid anything to do with Anakin.

So when he gets put on a mission to Ryloth with Anakin, something that Windu had ordered through heavily gritted teeth, it’s more awkward than Obi-Wan thought it would be. There’s a heavy silence between them and Anakin has a mixture of accusing and sad eyes that makes Obi-Wan’s stomach roll unpleasantly and guilt build in the back of his mind.

They don’t speak properly though until they’re outside the Separatist camp. Around the outskirts are the clones from the 501st and 7th Sky Corps, as well as members of the Republic Twi’lek resistance, all waiting for their word to attack. For now, they’re waiting for the changing to the night-guard at a side entrance of the encampment, but Obi-Wan really wishes they weren’t.

Currently, Anakin and himself are pressed nearly flush together as they try to remain hidden behind the small grouping of rocks around them. Anakin’s breath is hot on Obi-Wan’s neck as they stand chest to chest, hushing themselves into being quiet as battle droids patrol only metres away.

Or, at least Obi-Wan is as Anakin takes his opportunity. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he murmurs into Obi-Wan’s ear, shifting against him. His shoulder bumps Obi-Wan’s chest, and he reaches up to catch Anakin’s elbow to try steady him.

“I have not,” he starts to mutter back, but Anakin turns his head to give him a sharp glare that Obi-Wan can just see through the twilight darkness around them.

“Yes, you have,” Anakin hisses sharply. “You’ve been to six planets in two weeks and none of them were Coruscant. You always go to Coruscant between missions.”

Obi-Wan purses his lips and looks away. Unfortunately, that is true, and he curses himself for being so predictable. Perhaps if he hadn’t been then he could’ve gotten away with the fact that yes, he has been avoiding Anakin.

“It’s not been intentional…” he still tries to protest, but he trails off at the withering look that Anakin gives him.

“Why?” he asks simply after a stilted moment. “Have I done something to offend you?”

It’s the worst question because in Anakin’s eyes he hasn’t done anything wrong. Obi-Wan hasn’t even dropped any hints that he knows what Anakin has said to him, and he really doesn’t want to. It’s becoming bigger than it needed to be, helped along by Quinlan’s constant insistence of mentioning it whenever he’s around until Obi-Wan finds himself stewing over the words. Bringing it up now means talking about it, and Obi-Wan would prefer to perform this assault on the Separatist base by himself than go down that path.

But he has to give Anakin an explanation as he presses closer against Obi-Wan, his breath heavy now on Obi-Wan’s cheek and his chest warm against Obi-Wan’s side. It makes something in his stomach flip. Nerves, he blames it on, nothing anything else and he hesitates before he lets out a long sigh.

“Look,” he starts to say, and Anakin is watching him with curious eyes, “I knew what you-”

He’s saved by the crackling of their comms as Rex barks out that they’re beginning their assault on the other side of the compound. Anakin swears under his breath before he looks away from Obi-Wan to huff out an affirmative, and Obi-Wan feels his shoulders sag in relief.

“Let's go,” he orders before Anakin can say anything else, and he pushes himself out of the space they’re in. It causes Anakin to stumble for a moment, but Obi-Wan doesn’t think about it as he turns on his lightsaber and waves it at the clones that are situated on an outcrop above them. It’s a good enough signal as they start to open fire on the compound beneath them.

He waits for Anakin to brush his side before they both start to sprint towards the now unguarded side door, the battle droids that had been on sentry drawn away by the clone gunfire. The objective is simple. Get in, find Aruteous Gunray, and hand him over to the Twi’lek rebellion. It should be easy, textbook for Jedi at this stage in the war.

Which it is. It’s easy to cut a hole in the large door and bust through into the base, surprising the few droids on the other side. They’re taken down with a few swings of their lightsabers before they press forward into the deeper corridors, Anakin nearly breathing down Obi-Wan’s neck as they run. There’s the sound of fighting down each new hall they burst into, Twi’lek rebels and clone troopers side by side in the battle, but Obi-Wan doesn’t pause to help even as he desperately wants to do so. They all have their missions and finding Gunray is theirs.

It’s still easy when they crash into the control room in the centre of the compound, pushing past the battle droids and Anakin slices the door panel before the door can close on them. Gunray is staring straight at them as they push into the room, and Obi-Wan knows their missions can sometimes be easy but this… this is too easy.

Then the droidika turn up.

“Move!” Anakin shouts at him the moment the three droids roll into the room from a door on the opposite side, the turrets on their arms already clicking and whirring. Obi-Wan grips Anakin’s arm tightly as Anakin throws them to the ground behind one of the large consoles as the droids open fire. Obi-Wan winces as the room turns into a flurry of lights as lasers fly over their heads and droids start to panic.

Anakin is up in a bound though, leaping across the room with his blue lightsaber swinging in dangerous arcs. Obi-Wan quickly takes chase, his own lightsaber humming comfortingly in his hand as he skids across the ground towards the droidika that Anakin seems to be trying to take on singlehandedly.

He stops though when he spots Gunray sprinting across the room towards another exit, an IG-100 MagnaGuard following behind him, and it distracts Obi-Wan for long enough that he reaches out and uses a hard Force push to reach across the room and shatter the control panel of the door Gunray is heading towards. It slams shut in his face, and Obi-Wan only just catches the look of despair on Gunray’s face before he’s turning back to Anakin.

“No!” Anakin yells from where he’s crouched near the droidika, shaking his head at Obi-Wan, “get Gunray!”

He doesn’t want to, but he nods briskly before he turns toward Gunray. He rushes towards them, twirls his lightsaber in his hand right before he clashes with the MagnaGuard’s electrostaff as it steps forward to protect its charge. It looks battered compared to Magnaguard’s Obi-Wan’s seen, covered in scorch marks and dents. He’s not surprised since he knows that Gunray is currently on the out of the Separatist Council. They wouldn’t waste their better models on someone like him.

It takes some artful steps to avoid the MagnaGuard’s slashes, moving just out of the way before he presses in for an attack. The sooner he can finish this the better, especially when he can hear Anakin shouting orders in Twi-leki behind him as resistance members flood the room. He flushes out the sound of the raging battle as he manages to duck a ferocious swing and moves in close enough to lop off one of the droid's arms. It drops to the ground with a thunk, and Obi-Wan catches the droid's second attack with the tip of his lightsaber before kicking out at the droid’s ankles.

The MagnaGuard drops to one knee and he uses the opportunity to swing forward, chopping the other arm from the MagnaGuard’s body before swinging hard and removing its head. It still moves though, and Obi-Wan rears back before slamming his lightsaber directly into the MagnaGuard’s chest.

Immediately, it stops working, and Obi-Wan pants as he watches the body crumple to the ground, sliding off his lightsaber smoothly. There’s an ache in his arms, the vibrations from meeting the electrostaff having jarred them, and he’s just shaking them out when a sudden violent pain has him pausing.

His eyes fall from the destroyed MagnaGuard in front of him to look down, and he lets out a surprised noise when he sees the glint of a vibrodagger’s blade as it slowly embeds into his side, a small stain of red blood starting to bloom over the heavy fabric of his robes.

He glances up to see Gunray standing barely an arms-width away, eyes wide as his hand slips off the hilt. Obi-Wan can feel it vibrating in his side, tearing the wound more and more the longer it sits in there, although strangely all Obi-Wan can focus on is how Gunray looks shocked. He watches with a growing fuzziness as Gunray takes a few staggering steps back before he turns and starts to run towards another open door on the other side of the room.

He doesn’t make it in time though before Anakin crashes into him, sending them both sprawling to the ground, and Obi-Wan tears his gaze from the two of them back down to the blade still in his side.

It’s painful, but a surprising dull pain. Shock has already settled in then, and Obi-Wan reaches down to press the button to stop the blade from its minute vibrations. There’s still enough sense in his clouding mind to know that he shouldn’t pull it out, the blade being the only thing stopping him from bleeding out more than he already is, but the moment his hand settles on the hilt and moves it roughly the agony slams into him with a vengeance.

He can’t remember hitting the ground, but suddenly the cold floor is cool against his cheek , the grit of dirt and grime grinding on his jaw uncomfortably. The world is spinning, his eyes unable to focus as he vainly tries to track the fight still going on around him, trying desperately to orientate himself as his body resists. His hand feels hot around the hilt of the blade, wet and sticky with thick blood as it coats his fingers, but they won’t react when he tries to flex them off the weapon. Nausea builds in the back of his throat as he starts to feel the cruel spikes of pain splitting through him.

“Obi-Wan!”

It’s Anakin’s voice. He can vaguely hear him over the loud thudding noise in his ears. He’s on his knees beside Obi-Wan all of a sudden, his hands gliding over Obi-Wan but not touching him, and Obi-Wan knows he’s seen the vibroblade when he lets out a colourful range of swears.

“Medic!” Anakin is suddenly shouting into the room in Twi-leki, calling to the people that are just outside of Obi-Wan’s eyesight. His brain is sluggish but he can still translate the words as he lies still and tries to breathe around the awful pain coursing through him. “We need a medic here, now!”

He reaches out with a trembling hand to grip one of Anakin’s, a scolding on the edge of his tongue to remind Anakin that they’re on a battlefield and it’s unlikely anyone can hear him over the racket, but he’s cut off before he can even speak as he accidentally tugs the blade with his movement and it sends white-hot pain tearing up his side. He gasps involuntarily, dots breaking out in front of his eyes, and Anakin’s head snaps back down to him.

“Come on, Obi-Wan,” he says still in Twi-leki as he reaches down and grips Obi-Wan’s arms tightly in his hands. Obi-Wan grits his teeth hard enough to break them as another wave of pain pulses from the stab wound but he doesn’t look away from Anakin’s panicked eyes as he tries to breathe.

He struggles to speak, each time he opens his mouth his teeth gnash back together and cut off any words. Anakin’s eyes are wild as he continues to yell, gaze never leaving Obi-Wan’s though and Obi-Wan relies on those cool blue eyes to ground himself through the agonising pain.

“Anakin…” he somehow manages to choke out before he trails off, weariness starting to settle in. He knows he needs to fight the urge to pass out, to fall asleep, but the pain is starting to recede just enough and the beckoning of the darkness is so inviting right now…

“No no no,” Anakin is shouting, shaking Obi-Wan’s shoulders roughly. It should hurt, it should be making the blade in his side move and cause more pain, but it’s dull and Obi-Wan barely registers it as his breathing starts to slow.  “Obi-Wan! Stay with me!” Anakin continues, and Obi-Wan blinks blearily to see Anakin’s panicked face.

The tears on Anakin’s cheeks has him trying to reach out, but there’s nothing in him anymore. He barely musters a twitch before he gives up, slowly relaxing into Anakin’s arms as his breathing slows and his hearing starts to fade.

He still catches Anakin’s last words though, just faintly enough.

“Stay with me,” he’s crying, voice thick and heavy. “Please, I need you. Obi-Wan, I need you. I lo-”

…

The first thing he registers is the mixed slowed beeping of multiple machines.

The next thing is the dull pain radiating up through his body from his side, aching all over as his fingers on one of his hands flex and scrape across the coarse fabric of the bed he’s lying on. It doesn’t take long for the smell of anti-septic to filter through and he knows he’s in a medical bay somewhere before he opens his eyes.

Everything around him is sterile and white, almost painfully white as he has to squint from the sudden onslaught of brightness. He blinks a few times and starts to curl his hands into fists to rub at his eyes, but stops when he registers cold metal moving across the back of his hand. He drops his gaze to look down and see Anakin sitting beside his bed, out cold as his head rests back against his chair, his chest rising and falling with each slow breath while his face is screwed up with his eyes tightly closed. One hand is lying in his lap, twisted into a fist, but his prosthetic hand is wrapped around Obi-Wan’s, the cool fingers pressing against Obi-Wan’s palm.

Something in Obi-Wan’s chest clenches at the sight. He wonders how long Anakin has been here for, the deep bruises under his eyes show he’s clearly not slept much recently, probably not for the duration of Obi-Wan’s stay in medical. He has vague memories of floating inside a bacta tank, the breathing mask digging into his face and the saline stinging his eyes when he’d caught glimpses of Anakin’s worried face on the other side of the glass. It’s a fuzzy memory though, not as real as seeing Anakin so tired and small where he’s resting beside him.

Seeing Anakin’s mechno-arm is surprising though. It’s not often that Anakin has it outside of its glove, Obi-Wan can feel the nervousness and shame rolling off of him when he does, so he knows how much of a privilege this is. Perhaps Anakin didn’t think he would be waking up soon?

It doesn’t matter as Obi-Wan twists his hand underneath, looping his fingers around Anakin’s mechano ones, taking the time to feel the twists and grooves of the metal against his skin. He knows he shouldn’t, knows he should let go and turn away, maybe go back to sleep and pretend like he hasn’t seen Anakin in such a vulnerable state, but he can’t.

He can’t look away, can’t stop himself from drinking in the sight of Anakin’s hair draping over his eyes, skirting the scar he now has from a fight with a vibro-blade. How his eyelashes are so long as they flutter on his cheeks, how his lips look so soft. His jaw is clenched though, eyes moving rapidly beneath his eyelids, and Obi-Wan wants to reach out and shake him out of whatever he must be dreaming about, trail his fingers down Anakin’s cheek, glide his thumb ever so gently over those lips…

He catches himself before he does so though, snatching his hand back to his side as he stares at it with wide eyes, awareness slowly rising in himself as his chest starts to pound.

It’s not like he couldn’t. He’s heard what Anakin has said, and he knows he’s not the poster boy for the Jedi Order that everyone thinks he is. He feels more things than he should feel, the trail of broken hearts in his past a testament to that. Cerasi, Siri, Satine… all of them prove that Obi-Wan is not above falling for another.

But then again, they’re all also proof that Obi-Wan was never meant to be with anyone. All three have died in his arms, all three. His free hand clenches as his jaw tightens. Maybe he shouldn’t, maybe he should learn his lesson, that he’s not meant to love.

The sudden use of the L-word startles him, and he turns wide eyes on Anakin as he hears the noises of him starting to stir from his sleep.

Oh, he realises. Oh no.

…

The fourth time, Obi-Wan would be stupid to think that Anakin doesn’t mean what he’s saying.

The Corellian Run is supposed to be one of the safest hyper routes. Considering it starts at Coruscant and is majorly under Galactic Republic control, Obi-Wan has always felt safe traveling down it until around Rodia, and that’s clearly a shared feeling amongst other travellers. Everyone knows that anything after the Tyrius System is just asking for trouble, Tatooine, Geonosis, and Ryloth being prime examples of dangerous planets that follow the Corellian Run.

They’re not even going that far, stopping at Rodia where the war has come to a standstill after the planet has flipped back to aligning with the Republic. Obi-Wan is meant to be attending the negotiations of the new alliance treaty while Anakin takes a small group of clones to drive out the last of the Separatist forces from the cities, but Obi-Wan doesn’t think they’re going to get there in time to do either of them.

The sudden appearance of a Separatist drop-ship surprises them both, Obi-Wan clinging tightly to the dashboard of the borrowed VCX-100 light freighter they’re in as Anakin surges them to the right to avoid a collision. He bites down hard on his tongue to stop from swearing loudly, wincing at the pain as he slides off his chair and crashes to the ground.

“Anakin!” he shouts, and Anakin curses as he twists and turns the ship to avoid the onslaught of turret fire from the large ship. Obi-Wan braces himself against his chair to stop himself from flying around the cockpit, his still-healing wound from Ryloth protesting painfully at the movement.

“I’m trying!” Anakin yells back. Obi-Wan struggles to hear him over the sound of the dogfight that’s erupting around them, the smaller vulture droid fighters deploying from the Separatist mothership and racing their way. They have no backup, the light freighter faster than the Nu-class transport the clones are shuttling to Rodia in, and Obi-Wan scrambles back to his seat and searches for the controls for the front turrets.

He barely gets started though, only managing to take out one vulture droid, before the ship lets out a horrible groan and shudder, the lights flickering bright red warnings through the cockpit, and Anakin starts to slam his fist against the dashboard as Obi-Wan feels the entire ship starting to slow to a halt. Not good, he thinks, and he glances over the dashboard and feels his stomach drop.

“They’ve hit the engines,” he mutters, more to himself. Anakin clearly knows as he flicks switches and slams buttons, yelling at the ship as it continues to creak in protest. It’s rocking wildly with the blows from the vulture droids as they surround them. Obi-Wan grits his teeth and fires the front turrets, managing to hit a few of the vulture droids but overall only just scattering them. The light freighter isn’t meant for dogfights, not nearly having enough manoeuvrability to outwit the vulture droids.

An explosion rocks the freighter, another engine blowing. Obi-Wan watches the flickering lights in the cockpit dull before disappearing completely, half of the ship starting to fail. Anakin is still cursing loudly and Obi-Wan can see the desperation in his actions. They’re screwed, completely unprepared for this kind of attack, and he quickly reaches out to send out a distress signal before the freighter lets out a final groan and goes dark.

The sudden silence is deafening. Obi-Wan tries to pay it no mind as he looks out the window, watching the swarm of vulture droids retreat together back to the mothership, their job of sabotage complete. He’s waiting to see if a boarding transport will deploy for them, Anakin breathing heavily beside him and no doubt wondering the same thing, but as time ticks on nothing happens.

“Will they come for us?” Anakin asks, albeit probably rhetorically. Obi-Wan doesn’t know the answer, just keeps watching and waiting until finally, the mothership starts to move, the lights flickering on it in a huge power surge before suddenly, it’s gone.

Gone, leaving them there floating in a dead freighter.

Obi-Wan slumps back down into his seat, staring out the window at absolutely nothing. It’s not uncommon for the Separatists to just destroy ships and continue moving on, but he was at least hoping for some sort of confrontation, even if it was just to find another transport to hijack to get to Rodia. Hopefully, the distress signal has gotten out and the clones will pick up on it, otherwise, they could be waiting for a very long time for help.

Anakin gets up and clears off, disappearing back into the ship. Obi-Wan can hear him banging on the walls of the ship as he goes, no doubt trying to be optimistic as he’ll be assessing the damage. He may not know as much about ships or droids as Anakin does, but he does know that being able to smell the horrid smoke and charred metal of the engines is not a good sign at all.

There’s probably no one close enough to be able to pick up his own personal distress call, but he pulls out his communicator anyway and sends off a transmission. It can’t hurt to try, and he hears Anakin’s ping in response down the hallway.

It takes a while for banging and crashing from down the corridor to stop, time that Obi-Wan spends looking out the window and trying not to focus on the fact he’s stuck on a small transport with Anakin of all people and trying to quell his suddenly risen heartbeat, and when Anakin comes marching back down he smells of scorched metal and oil.

“I can’t do anything,” he mutters darkly as he slumps into the pilot's seat. Obi-Wan’s eyes are drawn to the black smudges of ash across his face and through his mussed hair, the oil smear on his chin. He wants to reach out and wipe it off, run his thumb so the tip trails over Anakin’s lips.

He crosses his arms instead, tightening his hands into fists and focusing on the way his nails cut into the palms of his hands. Pull it together, he tells himself. This is not going to happen. This is not the Jedi way.

“The clones will find us,” he says confidently, refusing to look over when Anakin huffs. He already knows what he’ll look like. Lips pursed, eyes narrowed, all in disbelief. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to resist the temptation of kissing the look away.

He very nearly stands up and bolts from the room at the thought, but holds it together as his communicator starts to blare loudly. Both of them turn to look where it’s vibrating violently on top of the dashboard, and Obi-Wan frowns.

“I wonder-“ he starts to say but is cut off as a spaceship appears right in front of them, bursting straight out of hyperspace and only just missing their own ship by a fraction.

It’s not Republican, but it’s not Separatist either. Obi-Wan only vaguely recognises the style of ship with its teardrop design, smooth curves, and large engines. Corellian, he thinks. The style of ship often named after birds, which he’s always found to be humorous.

“Smugglers?” Anakin helpfully asks, and Obi-Wan groans. Of all the people to rescue them, ones that they can’t predict at all were at the very bottom of the list.

They get up together to make their way down to the outer airlock as the Corellian ship spins around to match up the hatches. If they had time, Obi-Wan would’ve preferred to have gotten out of his Jedi robes before facing the smugglers, maybe get into something more neutral so they’re perceived as regular travelers instead of, essentially, galaxy law enforcers.

He stands close to Anakin, their arms brushing against each other and Obi-Wan doesn’t pull back at the contact. He takes a bit of comfort knowing that Anakin is right there to support him, and he holds his breath as the hatch hisses and slides open to reveal their rescuers.

They’re definitely smugglers, Obi-Wan notes as he looks at the mismatched group that walks through the hatch. One of them has an eyepatch, another wears a cliche long pirate coat, they’ve all got an array of blasters in hand, and the smell of spice they bring with them stings Obi-Wan’s eyes.

“Ah!” the human leader says as he pushes forward towards them, “Jedi! What a find!”

His Corellian is thick, and Obi-Wan’s is rusty these days with his own use of the language. He’s about to clear his throat and respond when Anakin’s hand links with his and he squeezes his fingers tightly. He glances up to see Anakin giving him his ‘leave this to me’ smile, and he lets Anakin step just that little bit in front of him, his chest tightening at the protective movement.

“We’re not looking for a fight,” he responds, and the Corellian’s eyebrows raise as he glances at his crew behind him. “Only safe passage to the nearest planet. Maybe Rodia?”

The leader hums for a moment, narrowing his eyes and rocking on his heels as he evaluates them. Obi-Wan doesn’t miss his eyes locking on Anakin and his joined hands, and he feels his cheeks start to heat up when a knowing smirk rips across the Corellian’s face.

“On the run from the Order, are ye?” he asks, nodding at their joint hands. Obi-Wan quickly let's go and crosses his arms, avoiding Anakin’s gaze when he glances his way. “Cute couple.”

Obi-Wan wants to intervene, feels himself bristling up, but Anakin simply gives the man a smile as he reaches out and wraps an arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders, pulling him in close. “He’s the love of my life,” Anakin says, and he looks down at Obi-Wan with a tender smile that’s definitely not faked, Obi-Wan can feel the sincerity rolling off of him in waves. “I don’t know what I would do without him.”

It’s only because he’s had practice at pretending to not know what Anakin is saying that he manages to keep the shock off his face. Instead, he feigns confusion and feels his heart leap into his throat when Anakin leans forward and kisses his forehead.

“Play along,” he hisses in Basic when he drops down to kiss Obi-Wan’s cheek, and Obi-Wan swallows thickly before he reaches out and links their fingers again. He lets a gentle smile break out over his face, and he sees the surprise in Anakin’s eyes that’s quickly masked by a similar look.

He feels completely out of his depth, but the Corellian is lapping it up as he grins widely at them.

“Any outcast is welcome amongst us,” he says cheerfully before he waves them through the hatch into their ship. The other smugglers are looking at them curiously, and Obi-Wan pulls Anakin’s arm to wrap around his waist before he curls into him.

It’s overwhelming being this close, able to smell the smoke and oil from where it’s seeped into Anakin’s robes and covers his skin. He turns his head to push in against Anakin’s shoulder, hoping to hide his face from the crew surrounding them. He’s good at acting, yes, but the fine line between acting and giving in to his new-found desires is very quickly starting to blur.

Thankfully, Anakin continues to be the one to address the smugglers. Obi-Wan is happy to let him live in the allusion that Obi-Wan doesn’t speak Corellian , choosing to instead just stay firmly attached to Anakin's side and appear the love-struck fool.

It’s not that hard.

Obi-Wan will give Anakin his credit. He’s spinning one hell of a web about their supposed desertion from the Order, to the fact that Obi-Wan nearly thinks that’s what they actually are doing. He blames the intoxication of having Anakin so close, his warm hand gently resting on Obi-Wan’s waist and his breath rushing across his skin each time he leans down to press a kiss into Obi-Wan’s hair, for Obi-Wan’s inability to think.

He gets his own. Trailing a hand down Anakin’s chest, delighting in the way that Anakin’s voice hitches briefly when he wanders a bit low. He presses his nose to Anakin’s chin, lets his lips lightly caress when Anakin’s shoulder and neck meet. He takes the opportunity revel in Anakin while he has the chance.

Perhaps they’ve overdone it though as the smuggler’s leader clears his throat and leaves them to it, only saying he’ll come back when they’re just about to land on Rodia. The closing of the door is jarring, and Obi-Wan quickly steps back from Anakin and starts to smooth down his robes.

He can’t bring himself to look up, can’t meet Anakin’s eyes, although he jolts when Anakin’s hand comes down to settle heavily on his shoulder.

“Obi-Wan?”

He sounds so lost, and Obi-Wan grits his teeth hard enough that they hurt before he forces himself to look up and meet Anakin’s gaze. He looks as confused as he sounds, eyes searching Obi-Wan’s with a franticness that Obi-Wan has rarely seen.

“We will be at Rodia soon,” he says, voice level and full of authority. Anakin flinches and drops his hand, and Obi-Wan pushes down the need to reach out and put it back. “You’ve done a good job. We only need to pretend for a little while longer.”

He sees the hurt, the hopefulness completely dashed as Anakin slowly nods his head and drops his eyes to look at the ground. Obi-Wan wants to step in close, wrap himself up in Anakin arms and tell him that he knows how Anakin feels, how he’s been feeling for so long, but there’s a lump in his throat that he can’t speak around and a thudding in his brain that reminds him that this can’t happen.

It can’t.

The silence remains tense as Obi-Wan purposefully stares at the wall and counts all the nails in the durasteel, refusing to say anything to break it. Anakin hovers around him for only a while before he lets out a frustrated sigh and moves to wait by the door. They don’t look or speak to one another, but when the Corellian comes back, Obi-Wan doesn’t hesitate in moving to link his arm with Anakin’s and drop his head on Anakin’s shoulder.

“We’re descending, boys,” the Corellian says with a toothy smile. “Come on, your life together is awaiting.”

Obi-Wan feels Anakin stiffen, and it takes everything in him to pretend like he doesn’t understand why.

…

Dex Jettster’s diner has always been a place of solace for Obi-Wan.

Meeting the Besalisk was a turning point in Obi-Wan life, especially when Dex had accepted both himself and Quinlan into his small circle of friends. The only person that Obi-Wan has been able to trust in every situation has always been Dex. Once his friendship had been gained, it was there for life.

It does also mean though that Dex does not hold back at all with his opinions, and after Obi-Wan has finally managed to finish telling him the whole sordid story so far with Anakin and his random confessions in different languages, Dex is outright laughing in his face.

“And you want me to say what?” he practically roars from across the booth they’re squished into. “Tell you that you’re in the right for turning the boy down?”

Obi-Wan doesn’t actually know at all what he wants Dex to say, doesn’t even know what he’s saying himself. “No,” he snaps petulantly. “You know that’s not the-”

“Jedi way,” Dex finishes for him, laughter trailing off as he leans forward and raises his brow. “You know damn well that's a bullshit excuse, Obi-Wan.”

“It is not,” Obi-Wan argues, crossing his arms as he looks away. “I’m part of the Order. I live by the code and the rules of the Order, as do all the other Jedi. I am not exempt.”

Dex snorts and shakes his head. “If I got a credit for every Jedi that has crawled through this very diner in complete defiance of that blasted code of yours, I could retire and buy a house in the upper levels of this shit planet.”

Obi-Wan’s mouth hangs open just a little, and Dex smiles as he turns away and flags down Hermione for a couple of drinks. He’s grateful for the momentary pause as he tries to figure out just what the hell Dex is talking about.

“There are plenty of them,” Dex continues after Hermione has come back with two Jawa juices, placing them on the table with a bright smile, “the blue Twi’lek and the green Nautolan. The Cerean and his many wives. Quinlan’s old master and a female Neti come through on the odd occasion.” Dex pauses for a moment, clearly deliberating something before he sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “Even Quinlan himself.”

Obi-Wan freezes. “What?” he asks, voice flat and eyes wide. “Quinlan?”

Dex nods. “With that Ventress woman,” he explains, and Obi-Wan feels his mouth drop open. That is a surprise, a phenomenally huge surprise, and he leans back in his chair as he lets out a long huff through his nose.

“I didn’t have a clue,” he admits as he shakes his head. He probably wasn’t ever to know by the look on Dex’s face, especially since Dex won’t even meet his eyes.

“We’re not here to talk about Quinlan,” he quickly says, trying to cut off the conversation before it begins. But Obi-Wan’s curiosity has been peaked and he leans forward with a little bit of excitement.

“I think we could be-“ he starts to say with a cheshire grin on his face, thankful actually for the distraction from the disaster of a situation that he’s currently in with Anakin, but Dex clears his throat loudly and cuts him off.

“No,” he reinforces, “we’re not. We’re here instead to talk about the fact that you’ve gone and fallen in love with Anakin.”

If anything, those words cut all curiosity of Obi-Wan’s short. He grits his teeth together firmly, an ache building in his jaw, and he glowers at Dex as if he’s personally offended him.

“I have not fallen for anyone,” he very nearly spits vehemently. If looks could do anything, the glasses on the table in front of them should’ve exploded by now from the sheer anger he’s glaring at them in, dropping his attention from Dex when he raises his brows with one of those awful all-knowing smiles he has.

“I think you have,” Dex practically sing-songs. “It’s not a bad thing, you know.”

Obi-Wan huffs and crosses his arms tightly. “It’s against the Jedi way,” he repeats, knowing how weak of an excuse it is. He purses his lips together and reaches out for the glass in front of him, wanting something to do with his hands other than fidget with the sleeves of his robes.

He’s not expecting Dex’s laugh, and he jumps and spills some of the Jawa juice onto his hands. He gives Dex an annoyed look as he reaches for a serviette to wipe up the spillage and he’s just screwing it up into a small ball when Dex leans forward against the table and grins at him.

“Since when have you ever cared about what the Jedi way is?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for Obi-Wan to even answer. “I’ve known you since you were a padawan, Obi-Wan. I’ve seen your ‘dedication’ to the Order.” He raises his brows and waves a hand in the air. “Cerasi, Siri, Satine. The Order was never on your mind when you were contemplating leaving it for them all at some stage.”

“This is different,” Obi-Wan tries to say, feeling a little desperate as Dex tears down his walls.

“The only difference I see is that he was your padawan at some stage,” Dex continues, on a roll as he thumps his hands on top of the table and sends both glasses toppling over. “Is that it?”

Obi-Wan turns his head to the side and stares out the window, the muscles in his jaw working overtime as he bites back the nasty words he wants to snap at Dex because of course he’s managed to hit the nail right on the head with only a single sentence.

He has… feelings for Anakin, he knows he does. Realising it on the medical frigate a few months back has really left a hitch in his side, and the incident with the smugglers only a handful of weeks ago just added to it. Knowing now what Anakin feels like pressed against him, how gentle Anakin can be when his hands fit neatly on Obi-Wan’s waist and Obi-Wan’s head settles perfectly against Anakin’s shoulder? It’s intoxicating, overwhelming to think about, to remember, and Obi-Wan sometimes feels like he’s drowning.

Because he can’t go there even if he were to ignore the Order’s rules, which is something that he has done in the past. He was Anakin’s master for so long though, still is his master as Anakin is only a knight. The power imbalance alone makes Obi-Wan feel nauseous and uncertain.

“Maybe,” he finally answers Dex.

Dex softens, the smirk sliding from his face to be replaced by sympathy. “Oh,” he says quietly, looking down at the mess of Jawa juice all over the table. “Obi-Wan, you have to know that-”

“That what?” Obi-Wan interrupts, his hands tightly wound around the serviette he’s still holding. “That it doesn’t matter?”

“Maybe it doesn’t?”

Obi-Wan shakes his head. “And what if it does?”

Dex doesn’t seem to have an answer.

…

The fifth time is what makes Obi-Wan think that maybe Dex actually is right.

He’d tried to force down the feelings that sit painfully raw in his chest, that try to scratch their way out of him every time he sees Anakin. A part of him is genuinely thankful that the Council separates them for a series of individual missions, Anakin to Naboo and Obi-Wan to Devaron in the Colonies.

The missions are busy and hard, and Obi-Wan thinks that maybe it will help him to push away anything that he might feel about Anakin. It doesn’t work though. In fact, it almost makes it worse when the moments between negotiations and battles are filled with thoughts of Anakin, wondering where he is, if he’s okay, if maybe he misses Obi-Wan too?

The last question frustrates him, makes his fingers itch and his teeth ache with how tightly he grinds them together.

He dwells on Dex’s words as well, thinks of all the reasons that he can’t be with Anakin and wonders how much of it is true. The Jedi Order can be damned, Obi-Wan’s troubles with love don’t mean a thing, and the problem regarding Anakin being his padawan? Maybe it’s not a problem at all.

It doesn’t matter though. Obi-Wan knows that in the end the excuses can be explained away, and the reason they’re not is because of him. He’s the one standing in his own way, but he doesn’t know how to step aside.

They’re reunited after almost six months, Obi-Wan is sent to Naboo after the latest attempt at a Separatist invasion on the planet nearly succeeds. He’s to assist Anakin with settling a new batch of clones for a permanent security force on the planet, and Obi-Wan can feel the nervousness as he leaves the Colonies behind for the Mid Rim.

It’s been long enough that Obi-Wan fears what may have happened during that time. He’s not the only one who knows about Anakin’s past with Senator Amidala, and he feels shame over the jealously that courses through him when he thinks of the two of them together.

But, then again, how could he blame Anakin for moving on?

He decides that he needs to remain reserved despite the mix up of emotions that are ripping through him, although that goes out the window the moment he lands in Theed and sees Anakin striding towards him across the hanger bay. He can’t help but speed up and crash into him in a tight embrace, breathing Anakin in as he buries his face into his shoulder.

“I’ve missed you,” Anakin murmurs in his ear, his arms wrapped tightly around Obi-Wan’s back and his hands fit perfectly on Obi-Wan’s waist. It nearly makes him melt.

“Oh,” Obi-Wan says before he quickly steps back and brushes off his robes, aware that his ears are a burning red and thankful his hair covers them. “Yes, well, I missed you too.”

The grin on Anakin’s face is intoxicating, and Obi-Wan’s chest clenches when Anakin reaches out to curl an arm over Obi-Wan’s shoulders and starts to usher him towards the awaiting arrival party. He spots a few familiar faces, Senator Amidala and Representative Binks, and there’s also Boss Nass floating nearby. It’s Queen Neeyutnee who steps forward to greet him officially though, and Obi-Wan finds it easy to fall into the tedious script of politics.

The meeting barely lasts past the pleasantries and overall review of the situation, the Queen clearly seeing how tired Obi-Wan is from his travel. They agree to meet in the morning when they’re all better rested, and the Anakin ushers him from the room towards the living quarters.

“The Gungan entourage has taken up most of the rooms,” Anakin tells him as they head further into the palace. “I told the Queen that you’d be happy to share with me. I hope you don’t mind?”

Obi-Wan does, but it’s entirely because he doesn’t know how much he can trust himself. “Of course,” he says in contradiction, and Anakin grins at him before he pushes open a nearby door.

The suite is stunning, Nabooian architecture and design the most outstanding that Obi-Wan has come across in his many years of travel. The soft blues and greens, the linings of gold, sweeping circular arches and stunning artwork painted into the walls. Obi-Wan feels his shoulders slacken, the sweet serenity of the lounging room washing over him, and when he glances into the gorgeous bedroom, he can hear the calming rush of the waterfalls outside.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Anakin asks, and Obi-Wan smiles up at him as he nods.

Thankfully, Anakin disappears to gather the meager luggage that Obi-Wan had left on his starfighter and send his R4 astromech droid to the workshop for charging and maintenance. It leaves Obi-Wan alone to settle in, and he heads straight for the shower to freshen up, shucking off the Jedi robes he’s been wearing for far too long.

The press of water against his back is soothing, and admittedly he enjoys the floral shampoos and washes that he uses. The smell of lavender makes him sigh peacefully, relaxing properly for the first time in months, and when he manages to pull himself out of the fresher it’s to wrap himself up in a plush robe and collapse on the large bed in the bedroom.

He’s nearly asleep when he hears the main door to the suite open again, recognising Anakin’s voice as he mutters away. Obi-Wan nearly rolls out of bed and up to meet him, but he’s so damn tired that he stays huddled amongst the hundreds of pillows and under the soft warm sheets.

There’s someone else with Anakin though, hence his muttering. Obi-Wan opens one eye to peep out the doorway into the lounging room and sees that it’s Captain Panaka. The two of them are conversing quietly, but he’s not bothering to listen to their conversation. Were it something he was to hear, then they would be speaking to him, and he quickly closes his eye again when Anakin glances his way.

It doesn’t matter anyway. Captain Panaka barely stays a moment more before he leaves the suite, and Obi-Wan keeps his eyes shut as he hears Anakin enter the bedroom. He’s pottering around, trying to be quiet and failing spectacularly at it, but Obi-Wan doesn’t want to do much more than just lie still and listen.

Eventually, Anakin must run out of things to do as he lets out a loud sigh before the bed dips with his extra weight. Obi-Wan very nearly glances up to see what’s happening but continues to feign sleep as Anakin just settles on the bed beside him, clearly close to Obi-Wan despite how large the bed is. Obi-Wan’s hand is resting up in front of his face, palm up and fingers caught under a cushion, and it’s only sheer will that has him managing to stay still and loose as Anakin’s warm hand slowly settles over it.

“Obi-Wan?” Anakin calls, his touch light and hesitant. “Are you awake?”

He should respond, he should. He doesn’t though, just focuses on his breathing and keeping it even as he starts to tense up. Anakin mustn’t notice though as his grip becomes tighter, his fingers lacing with Obi-Wan’s as he pushes the back of Obi-Wan’s hand against the mattress.

“Maybe not,” Anakin hums, his voice dropping to a low murmur. Obi-Wan desperately wants to open his eyes and see how close Anakin is, especially when he feels Anakin’s breath just gently glide over his cheek, but he manages to keep them shut.

There’s a long silence, Obi-Wan listening as Anakin breathes quietly around him. He wonders if maybe Anakin has fallen asleep also, but every now and again Anakin’s fingers will flex and he’ll squeeze Obi-Wan’s between is own.

But then there’s a gentle touch on his head, and Obi-Wan has to force himself not to startle as Anakin buries his other hand into Obi-Wan wet hair, fingers deftly pushing back the locks that lie on his forehead. He can’t hold back the shudder though, but somehow Anakin doesn’t pick up on it.

“It makes it easier to say this then,” Anakin whispers. “I’ve thought… for a while now, I’ve been trying to find the right thing to say. I’ve tried it in multiple languages, but thank the Force you’ve not understood what I’ve said.” He sighs, his breath warm against Obi-Wan’s cool skin. “I don’t think I could live with the embarrassment of you hearing those clunky words.”

They weren’t clunky, Obi-Wan wants to say. Surprising yes, but not clunky.

“I… care about you, Obi-Wan,” Anakin continues, his voice hitching at the same time as his hand tightens around Obi-Wan’s hair. “And I know what you would say to that. Something about it being against the Jedi way, or even some rubbish about our age gap being too much, too imbalanced.” He huffs loudly. “That is, if you don’t just hop straight to telling me you don’t love me back.”

Obi-Wan’s chest is burning, a pool of emotions brewing that are threatening to overwhelm him. Anakin knows him too well, has always known him too well. Although that does mean he’s surprised that Anakin hasn’t picked up on his confusion and hesitancy over the last year or so, since the moment that Anakin first accosted him in the hallway of the Jedi Temple and spoke to him in Ubese.

“Maybe I’ll tell you one day,” Anakin murmurs as he moves on the bed, Obi-Wan feeling their knees knock together and he can’t help but hold his breath. “Maybe after this war is over and I finally can say what I really want to say.” He sighs, and Obi-Wan can feel his breath lightly on his cheek. “Maybe then, you’ll love me too?”

Oh. Obi-Wan can feel his heart-crushing over the hopelessness in Anakin’s voice, the doubt and quiet sorrow sitting beneath each word. He wants to surge up, wants to tell Anakin that he does love him back, that he’s sorry it’s taken so long for him to realise it and he wishes he could go back and grip Anakin by the shoulders in the Jedi Temple’s halls and tell him he’s not alone, that Obi-Wan is here too, loves him too.

But he holds still, frozen when he feels soft sweet pressure on his lips, and he opens his eyes just the smallest amount to see Anakin’s own shut, eyelashes fluttering on his cheeks gently, his mouth pressed to Obi-Wan’s in a gentle and chaste kiss.

…

Fortunately, Naboo somehow goes according to plan.

Obi-Wan doesn’t know how. Every meeting there is between the politicians of Naboo and the company’s clone captain, as well as his four lieutenants, it seems like they all have wildly different ideas on how to protect an entire planet. Obi-Wan is thankful that Aayla was willing to part with one of her company’s to provide Naboo the extra security they need when their own army cannot account for it considering her troops are some of the most well-seasoned in this war.

Each meeting is torturous, just watching diplomats inform trained soldiers how to do their jobs, something Obi-Wan knows Anakin struggles with, but it’s worse every time he looks across to meet Anakin’s eye. He can’t stop his cheeks from reddening and ears from burning as he thinks of Anakin’s lips on his, his fingers in Obi-Wan’s hair, the way he’d pressed close into Obi-Wan’s space.

He has to look away and try to force down the need to tell Anakin that he knows.

By the time they’ve come to a resolution over the assimilation of the company, Obi-Wan is ready to tear open his chest and bare it to Anakin, let him see everything he’s feeling and wanting, let him know that he loves Anakin too just as much, damned his worries and fears. Damn it all.

Dex was right. They don’t matter.

Thankfully, he gets a reprieve as he travels back to Coruscant alone in his starfighter with only his R4 for company. Anakin is following him but their communications are cut off when they enter hyperspace, the lines unsafe with Separatist technology, and Obi-Wan can’t decide whether he enjoys the silence or finds himself suffocating in it.

They barely have a handful of moments on the Jedi Temple’s landing pad before they’re greeted by Quinlan hurrying towards them. Obi-Wan exchanges a confused look with Anakin as they drop their R-units out of their starfighters before Quinlan comes to a halt in front of them.

“There’s been an attack on the Core Worlds,” he explains in a rush, raising his voice so Anakin can hear as he heads towards them. “Corellia, Sacorria, Talus, and Tralus have all been targeted. The Council wants you to see them immediately.”

Neither Obi-Wan nor Anakin wait even a moment before they’re quickly following Quinlan into the Temple. The place is busy as a hive, Jedi everywhere and Clones following behind. Obi-Wan isn’t surprised, Corellia is the gateway into Coruscant, the only stop after Corellia on the Corellian Run. If the Separatists were to occupy the planet, the tide of the war would change completely.

“The Council is attempting to secure the rest of the trade run,” Quinlan explains as they hasten towards the High Council’s tower. “Every available Jedi General is being deployed all the way down to Ryloth.”

“They can’t leave the Temple unprotected,” Anakin points out. They’ve just hit the elevator, and Quinlan rolls his eyes as he slams his hand on the button to take them to the top.

“You try telling them that,” he mutters darkly. “Master Yoda is halfway to Corellia himself and Windu’s stuck in a meeting at the senate, so they’ve delegated the dispersing of the Jedi to the others on the Council.” He rolls his eyes as he crosses his arms. “Mundai thinks he knows what he’s doing and no one is stopping him.”

Obi-Wan damn near wants to drop the elevator back to the ground floor at that. Mundai is a disaster of a delegator. He always sends Jedi in teams that aren’t cohesive nor work together well, not to mention he has a certain antagonism towards Anakin much like Windu, but he’s too well-respected by the others for anyone to say anything about it.

The doors open up onto the top landing with a whoosh though, and all of them hesitate before stepping out into the antechamber of the Council room. Surprisingly, it’s empty, but the Council doors slide open as Aayla comes storming out, her jaw set and eyes fierce as she has her fists tight at her sides. It’s not often Obi-Wan sees her this angry, if at all, and Quinlan looks concerned as he reaches out to grab her arm.

No one has to even ask as Aayla waits for the Council doors to close before she snaps. “They’re sending me to Ryloth,” she snarls through gritted teeth, and Obi-Wan stiffens in surprise. “With Knight Ertay.”

The mention of Ertay, another female Twi’lek, has Obi-Wan’s eyes widening. Sending one female Twi’lek to Ryloth, Jedi or not, is a terrible idea in itself, but sending two is just catastrophic.

Quinlan explodes, ranting and raving as he throws his hands in the air. He’s perfectly justified, and Aayla looks a little more settled knowing that someone else is just as annoyed as she is, but Obi-Wan still exchanges a worried look with Anakin. If they’re not careful, they could be given just as terrible missions, but he’s hoping that his sway with being on the Council might just work in their favour.

They can’t keep wasting time standing and talking though, so Obi-Wan takes Quinlan by the elbow and gives Aayla a nod as he pulls Quinlan into the Council chambers, Anakin following them at a slower pace. The room is dead silent when they enter, half of it empty. Yoda and Windu’s seats are vacated, along with Obi-Wan’s own seat and the seats of Master Tiin, Master Kloon, and Master Fisto. He’s tempted to step forward and take his seat, but he feels Anakin press close against his arm and instead chooses to stay with him.

“So?” Quinlan spits after the silence has gone on for too long. Obi-Wan winces as he glances over to see Quinlan nearly burning a hole in Mundai’s head with his glare. He’s clearly not happy, but that’s nothing new to the Council.

“I’m assuming Master Vos filled you in on our current situation, Master Kenobi?” Mundai says after a moment, eyes narrowed on Quinlan before they flicker to Obi-Wan. “I would hope he has considering he wasn’t present for assignment alongside Knight Secura.”

“You’re damn lucky I wasn’t-” Quinlan starts to say, but Obi-Wan reaches out to grip his arm and tugs Quinlan back just a step behind himself.

“He did,” Obi-Wan interrupts, keeping his voice neutral as he regards Mundai in front of him. It’s strange, as the three seats on Mundai’s left are unoccupied as are the two on his right. It means he has to turn to face the other six that are all behind him, but when he does it’s Master Shaak Ti that gives him a warm smile.

“Good,” she quickly intervenes, her voice louder than it probably should be. “We apologise as we know you’ve only just arrived back on Coruscant, but we need your assistance.” Her eyes drop to Anakin. “All of you.”

“Of course,” Obi-Wan agrees with a slight bow. Ti nods before she turns her attention back to Mundai, and Obi-Wan reluctantly does the same. He keeps his face neutral though, knowing well enough that neither Quinlan or Anakin will be able to do the same.

Mundai evaluates them for a long moment, hands neatly crossed in his lap. He looks the perfect scene of serenity, and Obi-Wan feels a touch of irritation at how pompous it surprisingly looks. “Ever the negotiator, Master Kenobi,” he says dryly, eyes hard as he watches Obi-Wan. “It comes in handy though. We’re sending you to Corellia to assist Master Yoda. He’s already left but I’m sure it won’t take long for you to-”

He’s stopped mid-sentence though by Anakin stepping forward, and Obi-Wan glances at him in confusion. This is his assignment, not Anakin’s. If he stays quiet then maybe they might be sent together.

It makes him pause as he wonders if that’s selfish or not?

“Surely, Master Mundai,” Anakin cuts in, stepping out from where he’s been tucked just behind Obi-Wan alongside Quinlan, “I would be the better option to send to Corellia? After all, I speak their language.”

Oh shit.

Obi-Wan feels the panic in him rear up in a sudden wave, his eyes going wide and his mouth dry as he realises he’s standing in the middle of what is undoubtedly about to become a train wreck. He can already see how this is going to end, Mundai’s eyes narrowed and mouth opening with his dislike of Anakin starting to spill over and oh no, he’s going to tell Anakin that Obi-Wan can speak Corellian and it’s going to end-

His train of thought is cut off by Mundai though. “As can Master Kenobi,” he practically snarls, tense as he leans forward in his chair. “You are not special in knowing many languages, Knight Skywalker. In fact, I do believe that Master Kenobi speaks more than you do.” He holds up his hand with his fingers ready to count on, and Obi-Wan feels his heart sink. “Mando’a, Bothese, Ubese, even Twi’leki to name a few.”

The dead silence from Anakin is enough to confirm that Obi-Wan is completely fucked.

Thankfully, Quinlan steps forward after shooting Obi-Wan a wide-eyed look. “Leave off,” he tells Mundai, who looks at him in surprise. “Give us our assignments and be done with it. I’m sure we all have more important places to be, such as Core Worlds that are under attack.”

That seems to snap Mundai back into place, and he quickly dolls out the next two assignments. Obi-Wan barely hears him over the rushing sound in his ears, and he’s desperately trying to think of what to say to Anakin as he realises that there’s no way back from this. Anakin knows, he knows that Obi-Wan has heard everything he’s said over the last year and when he chances a glance at him, it’s to see Anakin’s face impassive and eyes stone cold as he looks anywhere but at Obi-Wan.

“Knight Skywalker, you will be sent to Druckenwell to begin an assault,” Mundai continues to talk, oblivious to the tension between Obi-Wan and Anakin. “We are using this opportunity to press for an occupation of the planet and Master Unduli will be awaiting your arrival. She will be leading the assault with the 41st Elite Corps. You are to assist with your 501st Legion.”

Obi-Wan only just registers the dismissal after that, mainly due to Quinlan practically shoving him out of the room, and he barely gets his feet under himself in the antechamber when he looks up to see Anakin striding ahead and into the elevator.

“Anakin!” he calls, pulling himself away from Quinlan as he rushes towards Anakin. He doesn’t get there in time, Anakin closing the doors before Obi-Wan can reach him, and instead, Obi-Wan is left hammering on the elevator button trying to get it to open back up.

Quinlan moves to stand beside him. “So,” he drawls, and Obi-Wan ignores him as he continues to hit the button. “You haven’t spoken to him about it yet, then?”

“What do you think?” Obi-Wan snaps, glaring at him. Quinlan rolls his eyes and reaches out to pull Obi-Wan’s hand back from the button, and Obi-Wan grunts as he rips his hand from Quinlan’s grip the minute he touches him. He can’t think much past the overwhelming need to get to Anakin, and he glowers up at the light above the elevator door as it ticks from going down to coming back up.

It seems like it takes forever, but when the elevator finally arrives, Obi-Wan is nearly beside himself as he pushes in past the next group of Jedi coming out to enter the Council chambers. Quinlan sighs as he apologises to the group at large before he presses the button and the doors slam shut.

“Well,” he continues as Obi-Wan fidgets frantically, “I can honestly say that you’ve really screwed up. I can’t believe you didn’t tell-”

“Shut up, Quinlan!” Obi-Wan yells, surprised at himself for how loud his voice is. Even Quinlan looks shocked, not used to Obi-Wan shouting, well, ever. He’s normally always the perfect example of calm and serene.

Quinlan lets out a low whistle as he shakes his head. “Shit, kid,” he muses, and Obi-Wan grits his teeth tightly at the old nickname. “You’ve got it bad.”

“Oh yeah?” Obi-Wan snarks. “As bad as you and Ventress?”

That seems to do the trick as Quinlan’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open in a mixture of shock and horror. Obi-Wan shouldn’t feel the burst of satisfaction at that, and he doesn’t hang around for Quinlan’s response as the doors open and he bursts out of them.

He doesn’t have a clue where Anakin could be heading, but he’s hoping its to their apartment in the Temple’s living quarters, and he doesn’t care how unseemly it is as he sprints through the Temple’s main atrium towards the corridors leading deeper inside. Some Jedi call out to him, but thankfully it seems like his behaviour is being brushed off as just another Jedi being sent away on their emergency mission.

Which is something he should be doing, but he couldn’t care any bloody less as he tears through the hallways towards, hopefully, Anakin.

Luck must be on his side, maybe sorry after what it didn’t do back in the Council meeting, and Obi-Wan turns the final corner before their apartment to see Anakin standing in its doorway. It gives him a new rush of energy, and he charges down the passage.

“Anakin! Wait!” he shouts, letting some of his desperation leak into his voice. He sees Anakin stop, his shoulders tenser than Obi-Wan has ever seen them before, and when he slowly turns around its for Obi-Wan to see a thunderous expression on Anakin’s face.

“You knew,” he says quietly, his voice trembling as he glares at Obi-Wan. “You knew everything.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan starts to say again, feeling pathetic as he stumbles to a halt only an arms width away from Anakin. He wants to step forward, take Anakin in his arms and hold him close, but he can feel the anger dripping off Anakin in waves.

“You knew,” Anakin hisses, and Obi-Wan can see his hands are shaking furiously at his sides where they’re tightly clenched into fists. “You’ve known all along. You’ve let me make an absolute fool out of myself, you just laughed in-”

“No,” Obi-Wan cuts in, holding his hands out in front of himself helplessness. “No, Anakin, I’ve never laughed at you.”

“You’ve done worse!” Anakin roars, his voice so suddenly loud that Obi-Wan jumps where he stands. “You’ve stood there and let me say things I would… I never would’ve said if I knew you could understand me!” He turns his head away briefly, glaring a hole into the ground. “How could you, Obi-Wan?” His eyes snap back, and Obi-Wan is horrified to see tears welling in the corners of them.

“Please,” Obi-Wan begs, his chest aching painfully as he realises how badly he’s screwed this up, how much he’s ruined this. “Please, let me explain.”

Anakin lets out a bark of a laugh, not a single bit of humour laced in it. “Fuck you,” he spits, and Obi-Wan feels his heart shatter as Anakin takes two steps back before turning around.

He doesn’t look back, just slams the door of their apartment shut, and Obi-Wan falls to his knees, devastated.

…

Anakin doesn’t speak to him for four months.

It’s the longest four months that Obi-Wan has ever experienced. They’ve been apart for longer, yes, but there’s always some form of communication between them. He’s tried, tried to reach out but his communicator number is blocked on Anakin’s end and Captain Rex has nothing but apologies and excuses for him.

Commander Cody won’t look him in the eyes sometimes, and Obi-Wan knows its when he’s spoken to Rex.

When he arrives back at Coruscant only a month after they were separated, it’s to find that Anakin and Luminara will be overseeing the siege of Druckenwell indefinitely. The Separatists aren’t giving up without a fight, and Obi-Wan is on the Council when they make the decision to send Master Plo Kloon and his 104th “Wolfpack” Battalion to assist them. Obi-Wan starts to make a case for himself and his 7th Sky Corps, but he’s firmly informed by Windu that he and his clones are needed elsewhere.

He’s pulled aside after said Council by Windu, who gives him a stern reminder that personal attachments are forbidden amongst the Jedi, and that his closeness with Anakin is starting to become a worry amongst the other members of the Council. He very nearly punches Windu for the comments, but instead grits his teeth and agrees as a good Jedi would do.

Thankfully, despite feeling so damn alone, he has Quinlan to talk too, even if he offers a few too many options that make Obi-Wan turn red in the face and ignore his friend. He doesn’t hold a grudge over the way that Obi-Wan treated him in the elevator, just rolls his eyes and comments that love makes people stupid.

Of course, that makes Obi-Wan feel absolutely rotten. Quinlan doesn’t even blink, just pats him on the shoulder and directs them both to Dex’s diner where their friend is happy to serve them Jawa juice until their eyes go blurry and they wobble when they stand. He doesn’t even care if it's not the ‘Jedi way’. He’s over adhering to the damn rules.

“I messed up,” Obi-Wan admits one time, wallowing where he sits at the bar. Dex is wiping it down across from him, and Obi-Wan sees him exchange a long look with Quinlan, who’s been sitting beside him for the last forty minutes and not said a damn word.

“Well,” Dex says, drawing out the word slowly as he inches Obi-Wan glass out of his hands. “What are you going to do about it?”

Obi-Wan looks up in surprise, and Quinlan claps a hand down on his shoulder hard enough to nearly topple him off his stool. “He’s right,” Quinlan helpfully agrees. “Sitting here being miserable isn’t getting you anywhere.” He wrinkles up his face. “And it’s rather pathetic to boot.”

Obi-Wan would be irritated if his friends weren’t right. “I don’t know,” he says morosely. “He won’t speak to me, no matter how many times I’ve tried and his clones have shut me out.” He drops his head, runs his hands over his face. “Even my own clones have shut me out.”

“So what, you’re just gonna give up?” Quinlan demands, and Obi-Wan shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t know anymore. Even if he did get a chance to talk to Anakin, he doesn’t even know what he would say. An apology won’t cut it, and admitting that he just had to take the time to realise that he loves Anakin too just doesn’t seem like the most appropriate thing to say to the man who’s been baring himself over and over and just now finds out that Obi-Wan knew all along.

Were he in Anakin’s position, Obi-Wan would probably do the same.

“Maybe?” he eventually answers, and he doesn’t expect the smack to the back of the head from Quinlan. He winces and reaches up to hold it as he glares at Quinlan.

“No,” his friend snaps, “you will not be giving up. Get your ass out there, Kenobi, and do something.”

Quinlan’s right, although at first, he’s not got a clue what to do. Anakin is still on Druckenwell, Obi-Wan is still barred from all points of contact, so finding a way to get any message through to him is next to impossible. Every time he mentions Anakin’s name in the Council meetings, he gets a horrific glare from Windu and even Mundai is starting to do the same, so he’s had to stop lest he incurs their wrath.

Eventually, he decides that he’s had enough. Without speaking to anyone, he packs his bags and loads his R4 unit into his Jedi starfighter, directing her to plot the coordinates to Druckenwell. She beeps and whistles a few times, maybe in protest, but Obi-Wan just shoves her into the droid slot and climbs into the pilot's seat.

He’s about halfway there when Quinlan contacts him via hologram, but when Obi-Wan tells him he’s on route to Druckenwell and not turning back, his friend just grins and gleefully informs him that he’ll cover for him as best as he can. Obi-Wan knows that's not much, especially since Quinlan is the definition of rogue and its lucky he’s not been kicked from the Order himself, but frankly, Obi-Wan doesn’t actually care.

It’s a short trip, the Corellian run even safer now after the mass movement on it from the Jedi and Clone army. He leaves hyperspace just over Druckenwell, and when they level out its to see a mass of Republic ships hovering over the planet in a large blockade.

His communicator crackles with a demand to identify himself before he even gets his starfighter steady from leaving hyperspace, and he quickly accepts it lest he gets taken out on the spot. “This is General Obi-Wan Kenobi,” he informs the clones on the other end, “I’m here to find General Skywalker.”

There’s dead silence for a moment before the comm crackles again, this time with a familiar voice. “General Kenobi, this is Captain Rex,” Rex responds, sounding rather hesitant. “I’m afraid General Skywalker is indis-”

“With all due respect, Captain,” Obi-Wan cuts him off, frowning as he looks around at the ships and tries to figure out which one Anakin is most likely to be on, “I know that you’re bullshitting me. Where is Anakin?”

“To be perfectly blunt, sir,” Rex starts again, sounding tense and irritated. “General Skywalker doesn’t want to see you.”

He was expecting that, but it still hurts. “To be perfectly blunt, Rex,” he copies, knowing he’s acting out of line and still struggling to care, “I will see Anakin whether he wants me to or not, and I would appreciate if you could help me in finding him.”

Once again, there’s a long silence, and Obi-Wan holds his breath as he waits. He’s worried Rex will tell him no once again, in which case he’s going to begin the long process of finding Anakin through the Force before he’s potentially forcibly removed from the area, and he’s just starting to clear his mind to start when Rex finally responds.

“He’s on the Venator-class, sir, the newer model,” Rex informs him, sounding ridged. “I will have to inform him of your arrival.”

He was expecting that. “Thank you, Rex,” he says, and he’s just about to flick off his communicator when Rex’s voice drops into a hushed rush.

“If you hurt him again, Kenobi,” he hisses, “I will not hesitate in making what’s left of this war a living hell for you.”

The communicator flicks off, the static noise leftover as it crackles loudly. Obi-Wan blinks slowly, not use to being threatened by a clone, but it's not like he won’t be taking Rex seriously. Already, he has had enough of an influence over Cody if the way all of his clones in the 7th Sky Corps have been denying his direct orders recently in regards to anything to do with Anakin.

He quickly shakes himself and directs his R4 in sending them towards the Venator-class Star Destroyer. It’s the only one with the red stripe, the newest model being produced, and he’s thankful that Rex must’ve communicated ahead as the hanger doors open up to accept him in.

There are two clones waiting for him, Kix and Jesse, and Obi-Wan nods a greeting at them as he climbs down from his starfighter and wordlessly follows them into the ship. He can see them side-eyeing each other, only because neither are wearing their helmets, but Obi-Wan can’t tell just what their expressions mean. Probably something not good, and he finds that his hands are starting to shake with sheer nervousness.

They turn into the personal quarter's corridor, and the two clones lead him to the end before Jesse reaches up to bang his fist on the door three times, Obi-Wan listening to each like a final countdown. The door slides open almost immediately before Jesse can even drop his hand back to his side, and Obi-Wan is looking straight at Anakin.

He looks tired, Obi-Wan notes. Sleeping bruises under his eyes as he meets Obi-Wan’s eyes, his own a cold indifference. His jaw is set tight though, muscles working hard before he takes a deep breath and nods at the clones.

“Thank you,” he says, his voice sounding strained. Jesse and Kix don’t hang around, both quickly heading back down the way they came, and Anakin watches them go before he steps back into his quarters, gesturing for Obi-Wan to enter.

He does, his mouth suddenly dry and head feeling light as he steps into the tiny room. Anakin has never bothered with the larger quarters that are normally reserved for the Generals, and Obi-Wan has always admired that about him. The only problem is it means that there’s not even room for them to stand side-by-side in the tiny space, and he takes a deep breath before he turns to see Anakin leaning with his back against the door and his arms crossed.

There’s a horrid and long silence, quiet enough that they could probably hear a pin drop, before Anakin shakes his head.

“Why are you here?” he asks, voice flat and devoid of the usual emotion that’s always brewing somewhere underneath it. Obi-Wan flinches, moves his arms behind his back and links his fingers together nervously.

“I… to see you,” he says, unsure of himself. He really hadn’t thought this through, not even an opening line or anything. It’s the first time he’s truly acted impulsively without any idea of an outcome. Preferably, it would be to have Anakin wrapped up in his arms but right now? He’s not sure that's going to be an option.

“To see me,” Anakin repeats slowly, and Obi-Wan nods as he wrings his hands painfully.

“Yes,” he agrees, his voice a little stronger. He clears his throat before he starts again. “How is the siege-”

Anakin cuts him off by stomping forward and crowding into his space, suddenly cutting off all the air that Obi-Wan was breathing, and he can’t help but feel even more light-headed as he’s just surrounded by Anakin.

“I don’t care for pleasantries. Why are you here?” Anakin demands again, his voice raised. Obi-Wan can see his hands are tightened into fists, and he feels his stomach drop and swoop as he fights to find some damn words.

“Anakin, I never meant to hurt you,” he settles on starting with, heading straight for the crux of the matter and hoping it won’t backfire. “Yes, I did understand you. Every single thing you said to me whether in Mando’a or Twi’leki, I understood. I’ve known how you’ve felt about me for a long time.”

“And yet you said nothing,” Anakin snaps, and Obi-Wan can see the pain behind the anger, the way Anakin’s lip trembles and his eyes start to water. “You just let me embarrass myself over and over-”

Obi-Wan stops him by surging forward, reaching up and cupping Anakin’s cheeks just to pull him down and press their lips together in a hard kiss, mouth open and seeking out the warmth of Anakin’s, devouring everything that Anakin can give as his hands trail up and bury in long hair, twisting it until Anakin lets out a small gasp and Obi-Wan uses to pull him in closer and closer.

They break apart when Anakin’s hands come up and shove roughly against Obi-Wan’s chest, but they don’t step back any further as Obi-Wan keeps his hold on Anakin’s hair and pushes back against Anakin’s hands.

“I love you,” Obi-Wan confesses, the words leaving him in a rush, and he sees Anakin’s eyes widen in surprise. “It took me a stupidly long time to figure it out, and even longer time to realise that all the reasons I was stopping it from happening weren’t reasons at all and I’m an idiot for making you think that I wouldn’t love you back, but I love you, Anakin.” He tries to catch his breath, the sudden and overwhelming relief of finally telling him flooding through him. “And I’m sorry, I’m so damn sorry for hurting you that way I have.”

There’s a moment's silence, Anakin’s eyes searching his for something that only he needs to know, and Obi-Wan won’t look away. Not this time. Instead, he looks at Anakin with everything he feels for him and hopes that it’s enough.

“How did you know I thought…” Anakin asks, and it surprises Obi-Wan that that's what he says, but then Anakin is shaking his head and letting out a small almost hysterical laugh. “Naboo. You were awake. That’s how you know I thought you wouldn’t. I thought maybe you were but…” he laughs and shakes his head again in disbelief.

Obi-Wan winces. That really is something that transcends not telling Anakin about being able to speak the languages he does. “I’m sorry,” he says again, and he trails his fingers through Anakin’s hair gently.

Anakin’s hand comes up to snatch his though and he brings it to his mouth, pressing his lips lightly against Obi-Wan’s fingers. “Okay,” he murmurs, and Obi-Wan doesn’t even know how to describe the feeling in his chest. Hope maybe?

“Okay?” he repeats, and Anakin gives him a small smile. It reaches his eyes, lights them up, and Obi-Wan can’t look away.

Anakin nods. “I’m still hurt, Obi-Wan. It’s going to take time to recover from that.”

“I know,” Obi-Wan says, and he knows its true. Anakin’s hand has trail from his chest to where it fits perfectly around his waist, and Obi-Wan drops his to rest on Anakin’s neck. He flexes his fingers on his other hand until they twine around Anakin’s.

Anakin leans forward, pressing their foreheads together. “But I love you too,” he admits softly, and Obi-Wan nearly lets out a laugh. Anakin must know as his smile grows bigger, and he leans in to kiss Obi-Wan again.

It’s a much gentler kiss, and Obi-Wan presses into it but lets Anakin take control this time, keeping his hand buried in the hair at the nape of Anakin’s neck and opens his mouth to let Anakin in. The arm at his waist tightens as he’s pulled flush up against Anakin’s chest, the warmth of their bodies seeping through their clothes, and he feels his knees start to go weak.

When they break apart again, Anakin drops his head to tuck against Obi-Wan’s shoulder as they both try to catch their breath. Obi-Wan feels dizzy, uncertain, ecstatic, and he presses his lips to Anakin’s neck as he breathes him in. They stay like that, pressed together and holding one another until all Obi-Wan can think of is Anakin and love and all that goes with it.

The moment is shattered though by a thumping on the door, both jumping apart as if they’ve been caught, and Obi-Wan stifles a laugh at their reactions. Anakin rolls his eyes, a grin on his face as well though as he shouts over his shoulder, demanding to know whats going on.

“Uh, sir, General Windu is on the line demanding to talk to you,” Kix yells through the door, and Obi-Wan slaps a hand over his mouth as his eyes go wide. “He’s wanting to know if we’ve seen General Kenobi.”

There’s a long moment as Anakin stares at Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan shrugs. “I had to see you, Council be damned,” he whispers, and Anakin shakes his head fondly as he reaches out for him, drawing Obi-Wan back in by the front of his robes.

“No, Kix, I don’t think we have seen General Kenobi,” Anakin calls back, and Obi-Wan really has to choke back his laugh as he buries his face in Anakin’s shoulder, marvelling over how well he fits there. “Would you mind telling General Windu that?”

Obi-Wan can almost hear the amusement in Kix’s voice. “Right you are there, General,” he responds cheerfully. “Might I suggest telling him of your being sick too, sir? He might want to know you won’t be around for a few days.”

Anakin is laughing too now, and Obi-Wan pulls back just enough to loop his arms around Anakin’s neck and pull him down that barely-there height difference, pressing their forehead together. “That would be fantastic, Kix,” Anakin agrees, and Kix lets out another affirmative before announcing his departure.

“Sick, huh?” Obi-Wan says, and Anakin grins before he pulls Obi-Wan in for another kiss.

…